Givemepeace: So confused, feel like giving up.

[Rhiannon]

Thanks Jo,

 

My worry.... is it the last drug I am on causing this,(still on 15mg of mirtazapine)

We're you completely off meds before this got better?

 

G

 

Everything you describe is exactly what I would expect from someone who came off diazepam fast, let alone escitalopram. Everything you describe sounds like withdrawal to me. 

 

It is so common for people to be in this situation, in withdrawal from meds but taking other meds, and to feel like it's the meds they're taking that are causing their withdrawal symptoms. And sometimes they can be contributing to them, so it's understandable. But to quit another med now is not going to help the withdrawal you're already going through from the other drugs. Believe it or not, it can get worse. A lot worse.

 

If you are feeling really certain the mirt is causing you problems and you want to reduce it, please make only a very small reduction, like half a mg (0.5 mg). Then wait two weeks and see if things improve.

 

Overall though I think it's most likely that you're experiencing diazepam withdrawal, which causes exactly the things you are describing (anxiety, akathisia, overstimulation).

[ten0275]

GMP, how are you holding up today? How are you doing with the intrusive/compulsive thoughts? Hope all is going well. Hang in there.

 

Dave

[Givemepeace]

Hi Dave, thank you for thinking of me.

 

Horrendous day today, started with the awful morning dread. Got kids to school and then into work. ( how I'm doing this deadly task daily is killing me). Once at work awful bodily feeling with nausea feeling. Racing brain with the horrid thoughts just horrid inner feeling, like I want to escape myself but I can't. Suicidal thoughts really strong today, just the word freaks me today.

 

Thought I was beginning to understand this s..t a little more...obviously not.

 

Lying at home now, in my sons room in the dark just trying to switch off, so hard to describe.

 

Feel really down tonight that it beat me up real bad today. Can't see this journey ever ending for me.

 

Also ruff sleep last night, that's one thing I was getting, hope I sleep tonight.

 

Cheers Dave, means a lot mate.

 

Hope you've had a good day

[ten0275]

i understand man, totally. my days used to start that way. rev like crazy, then off to work. i used to have to walk out of work and take a break. often. there was a river out back of the office. i used to feel the compulsion to throw myself into that river. felt like i was literally holding myself back. i would just sit on the edge of it and stare at it going by. like my mind was washing away with it. i thought it would never end.

i couldn't read news of suicide, death, etc. it'd get me going. hard. i couldn't watch volatile movies. they would trigger the thoughts worse.

you're having one of THOSE days.

i'd argue you ARE understanding it a little more. a lot more actually. doing the research, putting in the time, taking care of the wound. but understanding it and having the flexibility to withstand its gusts are two different things. don't write off the whole thing. today was a just a bad one.

i used to read stories to my son on autopilot. i used to zone out in the dark all the time. i'd even crawl under the bed on occasion, as odd as that may sound. darkness and quiet were needed often.

sorry about last night's sleep. try not to think too hard about tonight's. try not to make it a deal.

you're going to get through this. you need to apply all the patience and analytical strength you have to mettle through. fake it until you make it.

those nasty thoughts of this morning are already ash... gone...

if they came with withdrawl, they will go with withdrawal.

hang in there, brother...

dave

[Givemepeace]

Dave you are true gent,

 

Did you taper the mirt, when feeling this bad.

Or did you hold tight for a while.

 

Sucks feeling like this with young kids, my daughter is 4, my boy is 10. Kills me that I can't enjoy these lovely years with them. Felt like this for 18 months now ( polydrugged ) need to get off this crap!

[ten0275]

no way, GMP. when i felt like THAT, i held. you need to hold tight for awhile. try to stabilize. stabilzation was never perfection for me. it still isn't. it's a level of tolerability that indicates i am ready to move down. i think it is different for everyone. i think you'll know it when you are there.

 

my two sons are 4 and 2. the 2 year old was in utero when i was going through the worst of it, but the four year old was right there. i used to sit with him, almost comotose really. felt brain damaged. crazy intrusive thoughts firing off. i'd just hug him and tell him i loved him. try not to tally up time lost. you're going to have time to make it up. i do every day. the important thing is you be there for them as much as possible, make sure they know you love them. best effort is all you can do. somehow kids know when you are making best effort.

 

i'll tell you this. i am a way better dad in the aftermath of all this than i was while i was still on the drugs and everything fell apart. i think this is for two reasons. first, the drugs were separating me from my truest self - and the drugs were actually making me sick. second, i respect every moment so much more now. talking to you is like talking to myself two years ago. i'm not joking or exaggerating. and i thought i was the outier - that i was never going to heal. um....i was wrong

 

just be really cool with yourself, take it really easy. give your family what you can and get there day by day.

 

oh, and here is a funny one. i did this. oddly, it helped. get out a piece of paper and a pen. next compulsive thought you have, BAM! draw it. i mean really take the time to draw the thing. this was reccomended to me when i was suffering the thoughts and oddly, getting them out of my head and onto paper helped! plus, i'm such a sh*tty artist that i laughed and laughed at these stick figure images of myself jumping in front of cars and smacking people. then rip the things up, ceremoniously even. and imagine you are truly ripping that thought and sending it into the trash where it belongs. just a suggestion, but the crazy thing actually worked a little for me.

 

i believe in ya, man.

 

dave

[Givemepeace]

Cheers ten,

 

It's morning here now, just woken.

Had a good night sleep, feel like I wanna sleep forever though.

 

Did you ever wake and feel normal for a couple of minutes and then BAMM.

 

Oh well better get up, here we go again.

 

GROUNDHOG DAY!!!

[Muddles]

Thinking of you. I have everything you describe and it's awful. It will pass.

[ten0275]

GMP!

 

Really glad for your good night of sleep! I slept fair to poorly, but only because I am still getting over this flu I've had the last few days and my cortisol has been all off.

 

GROUNDHOG DAY! That gave me a little laugh, as I thought of that very movie during the real intense periods. I need to see that film again. All I can say is enjoy those windows, those periods of normalcy before the BAMM, and trust that eventually, the normalcy will be the more constant.

 

Hey, if you work a 5 day work week, HAPPY FRIDAY!

 

Check in when you can, I'll pop around later. Hang in there!

 

Dave

[Givemepeace]

Thinking of you. I have everything you describe and it's awful. It will pass.

Muddles you are so kind to everyone even in your pain.

 

I hope you come through this like a new person, you sure deserve it!!

 

I just wrote on your thread before I saw this.

 

Once this is over, we will have to go and paint the town red fellow brummie!!

[Givemepeace]

Cheers Ten,

 

Thanks for checking in on me again, funny I have a river at the back of my works....weird!!

 

Hope you shake that flu off soon, sounds like it disrupted your healing a little.

 

Really glad I've found you, you've helped me a lot already. All very new to me this ( always thought it was the drugs) hopefully I am not mentally ill!!??

 

Sorry if I might hassle you a little, but I have so much to ask about this sh*tty journey I am on. Just hope I make it.

 

Keep in touch

[ten0275]

GMP!

 

you have a river behind your office too? hey man, now don't you go stealing my intrusive/compulsive thoughts!

 

in terms of the flu, much improvement today. much. instead of working from home, i am in the office proper. thanks for the well-wishes.

 

you didn't all of the sudden become mentally ill. it's what distinguishes withdrawal from diagnosible mental disorders. the symptoms are so collossally weird and varied, all over the place, it just doesn't fit with anything. doctors will try to say, oh it looks like maybe you have OCD or the panic is getting worse, but it just doesn't fit.

 

you want a laugh? well, i can laugh at it now. but when i was still seeking treatment, still unsure (but pretty sure) it was withdrawal, i had one doctor actually get out the damned book of mental disorders, open it up to a page, slide it across a table, and say "read those symptoms, are you this?" i'd read the symptoms and say "no." he'd take the book back, flip through a few pages, and slide it back. "how about this? is this you?" i mean that is how ridiculous it is.

 

you hassle me none. ask the questions. it's a way to keep grounding yourself until your feet are more firmly planted. your feet will be firmly planted. you will make it (you need to start talking in the affirmative like "when i make it," etc.) then pay it forward because you know as well as i do that every day, another one of us shows up here on this site like seagoing passengers thrown from our ships onto the beach of a remote island. and we're all just trying to find our way back.

 

hang in there man.

 

dave

[Givemepeace]

Dave,

 

You certainly are helping keep me grounded.

 

Pretty tough day again today....did you ever get the really struggling to do things feeling, I think they call it apathy. Had this one thrown into the mix today along with the rest of the s..t.

 

It's like a toxic feeling all of this....it's lifted a little tonight( I'm not hiding in my sons room in the dark). Actually sat downstairs.

 

I think my biggest hang up is going through all this from the other two meds and still stuck on the mirt. My fears are...can I really start to feel more stable while still swallowing this crap every night?

 

God I hope so, I suppose the only thing in favour of all this is I have never taken any of these drugs consistently, and never tapered sensibly.

 

Only time will tell I guess.

 

It's evening here again now, best get the fire lit on my desert island.

 

Cheers ten.

[ten0275]

GMP!

sorry for the tough day brother, but it is in the bag and going out the door as we speak!

yeah, apathy... (moment of apathetic silence inserted here)...sigh... tough when you are at work, especially.

kudos for your lack of cave-dwelling this night! i always considered it a victory when i could come out of the dark and actually circulate with the generally population.

yeah, you can really start to feel more stable while still swallowing that crap every night. it a claustrophobic feeling, right? but the wounds from withdrawal don't necessarily heal the same way something like a sliver in your finger does, right? with a sliver in your finger, you have to get that foreign object out of there completely before the thing will start to heal. with withdrawal, the healing is going on the whole time. you're not feeling it because that healing is happening underneath the veritable ROAR of symptoms. i mean why do we feel the symptoms we do in the first place? because our nervous systems are battling like prizefighters to right themselves amidst the turmoil. that's the beauty of our human bodies. they want homeostasis, they are programmed for it. they're working towards it all the time whether we cooperate or not (and often we don't!). so it is real important that you take it easy on the mirtazapine withdrawal. allow some time for that stability to arrive. check it - i thought i was going to be off the mirt by early 2013 at the latest, LATEST. ha! look at me, early 2015 and still doing the limbo. "how low can you go!" you're healing.

time will show it to you. keep your patience honed and strong, you'll get to it.

a peaceful and restful friday evening be yours, man.

hang in there.

dave
 

[Givemepeace]

Cheers ten,

 

Just don't get sailing too far away from this desert island just yet.

 

These messages in a bottle are helping me big time.

 

Thanks for checking in on me today.

 

Hope you have a good weekend and shake that flu away.

 

G

[ten0275]

Hahaha, no worries man

 

I've got my little island hut built, keep my tiki torches lit, and the resolve to cut slowly my last 2mg, so I'll be around.

 

Stay strong GMP!

 

Dave

[ten0275]

GMP!

 

Thinking of you, man!

 

Hope you have a passable to even excellent start to the week.

 

Hang in there.

 

Dave

[Givemepeace]

Hi ten,

 

Cheers for checking in again, yesterday and today has been a lot easier. The excruciating mental anguish and fear have eased.

 

Could this be a window?? I haven't experienced relief like this in along time.

 

Don't get me wrong Im nowhere near where I want to be, but something just feels different/better if you like.

 

How can this be, in the space of a few days going from severe agitation with strong intrusive suicidal thoughts hiding in the dark to hanging out with the family downstairs feeling pretty relaxed (just very mild inner agitation).

 

This withdrawal thing is a very inconsistent, awful experience.

 

It's strange this slight relief seems to give you your fight back, hope, light at the end of the tunnel. But then it slams it shut in your face again.

 

Hope you have had a good weekend ten? And thanks with sticking with me buddy, you have helped me immensely this week.

 

Hope your week is good.

 

Keep in touch.

[ten0275]

Yes sir, GMP! That would indeed be a window as I have understood and experienced them. You need to picture that nervous system of yours as a pendulum. Right now, that pendulum is swinging pretty wildly back and forth as your nervous system works towards regaining homeostasis. A window is like hitting the sweet-spot in the arch as the swinging continues. As you heal, the swing becomes less intense and erratic and the pendulum comes to rest in that sweet spot, a balanced nervous system.

 

Do me a favor? Keep a window-log. Write down the start date of each window and the end date. This will serve you well morale-wise, as you will begin to see the windows lengthen and become more frequent. Logging this gives you concrete Evidence of this as reference. When things are hard, you're getting pummeled by a wave, look at that log and know the next window is coming. Consider this.

 

So happy for your window! I am well. Nothing but a minor cold remaining from the flu, slept well last night, hit the iron in the gym this morning. Gearing up for the work-week.

 

Hang in there, and feel free to pm anytime you wish too.

 

Dave

[Patoski]

Give me peace. The best thing you've done is to get off valium please keep going one day you will appreciate the enormity of what you've achieved what you are experiencing is defenetly withdrawal. It can make you feel like he'll but it can't kill you .I know because I've been there you must dig in and do what ever keeps you off those damn drugs.dot worry to much about any other drugs your on deal with the valium first it will take a long time before you stabilise properly but it won't be bad all the time . I personally went to N A meetings for along while which at first felt strange because I had never been on elegal drugs but those addicts welcomed me with open arms and they got me through I am now 28 years off valium and ativan and the only time I share about this horrible experience is to help some one else. The fear of self harming the suicidal thoughts are all withdrawel. The depression is not actually depression it is a withdrawel symptom. That may not make you feel much better but it is something you should know .When I told the addicts about my fear of death they told me to get down on my knees and to ask God to take it away.so being in unnatural fear of my life I did and I have to tell you it went away and it's never come back .I came to learn that I was prescription drug addict and I was not strange at all just unwell .All these year later I am now coming off antidepressants and it is very tough but no where near as bad as 6coming off of bensos. And thank God I now have NA AA and this site to help me I've been off all drugs for nearly 8 months now and I'm digging in just as I've told you to do so come on mate let's get through this together

[Givemepeace]

Ten your words have kept me from sinking this week, I have learnt a very great deal from you.

 

I think this week will stick with me for a long time.

 

I read something this weekend, in ours brains imagine the builders are in and the scaffolding is up. These little fellows with there hard hats on are busy reconstructing our brains back to normality........I guess this weekend a little bit of this scaffolding has been taken down.

 

Thank you I will start to journal these windows (very new to me).

 

Have a good start to the week ten, glad you are well.

 

Stick with me buddy.

[Givemepeace]

Give me peace. The best thing you've done is to get off valium please keep going one day you will appreciate the enormity of what you've achieved what you are experiencing is defenetly withdrawal. It can make you feel like he'll but it can't kill you .I know because I've been there you must dig in and do what ever keeps you off those damn drugs.dot worry to much about any other drugs your on deal with the valium first it will take a long time before you stabilise properly but it won't be bad all the time . I personally went to N A meetings for along while which at first felt strange because I had never been on elegal drugs but those addicts welcomed me with open arms and they got me through I am now 28 years off valium and ativan and the only time I share about this horrible experience is to help some one else. The fear of self harming the suicidal thoughts are all withdrawel. The depression is not actually depression it is a withdrawel symptom. That may not make you feel much better but it is something you should know .When I told the addicts about my fear of death they told me to get down on my knees and to ask God to take it away.so being in unnatural fear of my life I did and I have to tell you it went away and it's never come back .I came to learn that I was prescription drug addict and I was not strange at all just unwell .All these year later I am now coming off antidepressants and it is very tough but no where near as bad as 6coming off of bensos. And thank God I now have NA AA and this site to help me I've been off all drugs for nearly 8 months now and I'm digging in just as I've told you to do so come on mate let's get through this together

Patoski.

Only this morning I was saying to my wife how this week I have felt my brain and body doing very strange things, strange sensations, like something is happening. So hard to discribe...scary!! Different like I have never experienced. Hopefully this is my first window?

 

It will be 9 weeks tomorrow after 14months of daily valium use. Looking back now I think I was always in tolerance from very early on...tried to updose but relief never came so I slowly withdrew constantly in pain daily. That's where all the a/d's got threw into the mix, trying to compensate these symtoms.

 

I will never touch the benzo poison again.....a massive reason for me still been here fighting is so my young children will not get led down the phychiatry garden path.

 

I can't say that benzo or a/d withdrawal is worse..but what I will say is they certainly both need there own respect with a slow sensible taper.....this I am just starting to learn.

 

Thank you for your words, it really means a lot!!

 

I wish you more healing on your journey!!

 

And please keep in touch.

 

G

[ten0275]

GMP!

 

Tuesday's in the bag! How are you holding up? Are you still within your window? If not, when did it end?

 

I hope all is well. How cool is it to think that down the road, you won't have crap thoughts anymore, your anxiety levels will be low, your depression will be on par with the normal depression of any human, and you'll be tapering nice and slowly from the mirtazapine until it is g-o-n-e GONE? It'll happen!

 

Anyway man, just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and I hope everything is going at minimal, passably - at best, sparlky-window-like!

 

Dave

[Givemepeace]

Hi ten,

 

Tuesday is in the bag indeed. Not a bad Tuesday or Monday infact(considering where I was this time last week!)

 

The phychological s/a have decreased a great deal, only very mild suicidal thoughts that have floated past pretty quickly. The inner agitation I have only had in fleeting moments and also the morning terror does not seem as intense.....all still there but a lot more manageable (I can function with them). Probably the best 4 days in months.

 

Would this be a window??

 

If it is a window, do you go back as bad as before when another wave hits??

 

I have felt the physicals a bit more this week, tight chest, sometimes hard to breath with muscle pain in back, neck and arm pain, also calf muses hurt.

 

Did you get any physicals ten? They hurt and are very uncomfortable but are better than the phycological s/a.

 

How's your week started ten, have you shuck the flu off?

 

Thanks for checking in on me a again buddy!!!

[ten0275]

GMP!

 

The best 4 days in months? Yeah, you're in a nice window there, my friend. Enjoy it!

 

Obviously, it can't be answered what it will feel like if and when another wave hits. I think we all heal a bit differently. My experience was that the waves would come back with solid force post-window. But what happened to the pattern is that the length of the windows began to increase while the length of the waves decreased. It's another good reason to journal the start and finish dates. You'll develop your own pattern, and that will be reassuring in and of itself.

 

Oh man, yeah I had physical symptoms. Chest pains, headaches, abdominal pressure, muscle jerks that would lift me two inches off the couch, eye twitches, tinnitus, dizziness, and weakness. I can almost guarantee I am forgetting some. But like you, I would have pulled double shift with the physical if the mental would have went away. Those damn thoughts were my number one pain-inducer. They made me question everything I thought I understood about myself. And they go. It all goes eventually.

 

Flu is gone, the work week has been busy, and therefore fast. It's cold as Siberia here, but the sun was glorious today. I feel pretty solid. I'll be thinking of a cut in the next few weeks, but per Alto and others' kind suggestion, will try for 5%. I'll keep everyone in the loopy loop.

 

Hang in there man! Happy for your current state of being!

 

Dave

[Givemepeace]

Thanks ten,

 

Glad your feeling good, I can't wait till the day I am nice and solid, but hey I'll take this window at the moment.

 

Freezing here also now, but I don't mind it as it gives me an excuse to hibernate on these cold dark evenings.

 

At work now, really don't know how I've managed to hold my job, but I think it's a blessing in disguise as it just might be helping me heel. If I was at home with this I think it could have been worse with no distraction. It does give me a sense of accomplishment to now that I have managed another working day........also it's something I haven't got to relearn once I am healed.

 

Thanks again for checking in on me ten, you really are helping.

 

Keep in touch buddy.

 

G

[ten0275]

GMP!

 

Still looking out that nice clear window?

 

I hope all is well. Give an update when time allows.

 

Dave

[Givemepeace]

Hi ten,

 

Back in a wave again, (since Wednesday) horrid thoughts again, can't seem to feel comfortable in my self like I constantly need to keep doing something. ( kind of like an extended panic attack) Strange bodily sensations and body aches, struggling to breath properly and digest my food properly, inner shakes.

 

It's wierd for them couple of days I felt in the world again, noticing little things like songs on the radio.

 

But now it's like its all closed in again.

 

I feel like after experiencing that bit of relief that now it's back again it feels even stronger. Is this how it works.

 

Losing my fight again, just can't see me getting out of this.

 

Sorry ten, you get your hopes up and then it comes back and just wipes it away.

[Muddles]

You will get out of it - those windows are just proof you can.

 

It's cruel having experienced some good days and then bam your back to hell...but the good days will start coming again, lasting longer.

[Givemepeace]

Cheers muddles, means a lot mate. Especially how poorly you have felt again.

 

It just seems to give you a little glimmer and then kicks you right down again.

 

I wouldn't mind but even the windows aren't brill, I'd say just more peaceful in the body and brain.

 

My main worry is now is that I do sleep. So I worrying that I am really depressed and not in withdrawal as everybody else seems to struggle with there sleep. I know I should be gracious of the evening relief but I am panicking that it is not withdrawal and something else.

 

The only thing I have noticed these last couple of months is that the morning dread is not as intense.

 

Just so difficult to see any other improvement though when it hits again. So hard to explain this c..p!!

 

Hope you are ok today muddles, and thanks for checking in.

[ten0275]

GMP!

 

Muddles said it well - The windows are proof you are healing. I always looked at them as an opportunity to see the healing that was happening beneath all the symptoms. You just got a sneak-peak at the future. What you experience in windows become the normal state of being as time moves on and healing progresses.

 

So now your job is to get into your foxhole, operate to the degree you can, take good care of yourself, and wait for the next window. I hope you are logging the start times and end times of both the windows and waves. I remember my first window - it lasted a little better than two days. I was like "phew, it's over." Boy was I surprised when a month-long wave followed. But the the next window was a bit longer than the first, and the wave that followed that one was a bit shorter. I healed very linearly like this. Some people don't. But you will get to clearly see your pattern if you journal it.

 

It is likely not stronger than ever, but I remember it feeling that way. Because you tasted the sweetness of the window, the bitterness of the wave seems all the more bitter.

 

If you take nothing else away from that last window, take away this: that you are not locked into a dynamic of permanent suffering. For a few days, you did not suffer like that. Your condition is not static. Your body and mind are busy repairing the balance that was tipped by the psychotropic chemicals.

 

Hang in there, man. I'm proud of your tenacity.

 

Dave

[Givemepeace]

Ten, you are brilliant mate!!

 

You word it all to perfection!

 

Everytime you give me a little mental boost,

Cheers mate means a lot.

 

Did you sleep ten, seem to be trying to find something else wrong with me instead of withdrawal!!

 

Cheers buddy!

[ten0275]

GMP!

 

Glad to boost you - you'll get through.

 

Oh man, I tried to find any and every other explanation for what I endured. I had blood work, brain scans, body scans, cardiovascular examinations, thyroid, cortisol.... I was poked, prodded, and had body fluid extracted from all variety of body entrances and exits. Always settling to rule things out, but at the end of the day it came to withdrawal. In my less-pain-filled moments, I could actually laugh a little at this - my symptoms were so bizarre and varied, they couldn't even invent a diagnosis for it! I mean what the heck would you call what I had? DepressivePanicfullofintrusivethinkinginnertremblingbrainzappophobia!?! No, there was no underlying pathology for any of my symptoms. Withdrawal.

 

Hang in there!

 

Dave

[Givemepeace]

Ok, things are really crap again.

 

I feel awful, at work at moment (don't know how).

Horrid thoughts can't switch off. Tremors, can't eat, all the usuals.

 

A new one is horrid neck like spinal injury pain....really hurts. Also funny feeling in throat like lump in your throat when you feel like your gonna cry.

 

Do I really need medication???? I have always slept of a night so I am really depressed because wanting to sleep all the time is a sign of depression.

 

Main symtom in withdrawal is people don't sleep, Am i really experiencing withdrawal or is it something else??

 

Sorry guys, really messed up again. It was times like this I would run to the docs or phyc!!!

 

Really need some encouragement ????

[ten0275]

GMP!

 

It was times like that when I would do precisely what you are doing - get reassurance that what I was facing was withdrawal, get reassurance that I just came out of a window and would get back to one again, and get reassurance that this wave will also pass.

 

It is. You did and you will. It will.

 

I went through periods of both sleep-deprivation and oversleeping. I'd go to work and sit at my desk. That lump in my throat made it hard to swallow. I'd be getting pummeled with an ass-load of horrifying intrusive thoughts. I'd hold my hand straight out ahead of me, the thing would shake like I had Parkinson's disease. I'd feel like I was going to lose my **** crying at any moment. Remember that river out back of my office I told you about? I'd go out there and cry a tributary-full next to the thing. Anxiety and depression at the same time. Feeling like I wanted out of my own skin, but heavy with the black-drapery of full-on sadness by the ton. It maelstrom of neuro-emotion. A sail-tearing storm.

 

You have the strength to ride it out.

 

Every time you reassure yourself that you are otherwise healthy, but experiencing withdrawal - you are digging yourself out of the hole that running to the doctors and psychiatrists got you in. Hang fire.

 

Think back to that window - think on that - which was only a few days past now. Remember the sense of freedom you felt? The lightening of that burden, the lightening of that load? You damn-near sounded like you had spring-fever, my friend. Like you'd entered a new era of life. You hit the sweet spot in the pendulum of healing for some time. That's what a window is all about. Now however, the intensity is ramping up again - your body and mind is working overtime to get things right. And you are feeling it. And it doesn't feel good. In fact, it feels horrid. It feels desperate. It feels like it will never end. Give your body and mind the space to do what it is doing to bring you to that spot of healing.

 

One day at a time, GMP. You feel horrid today. Tomorrow might be window day. You just can't know.

 

Hang in there brother. Good on you for reaching out too.

 

Strength.

 

Dave

[Givemepeace]

Thanks ten,

 

I can't believe how things can change so drastically. How intense they are again. Can't believe I'm only just starting on this journey while still taking the mirt!!

 

Could it be that escalating things, how the hell am I gonna get off that feeling like this??