Zant808: 17+ years of psychiatric drugging

[Zant808]

Tomorrow will either be a good day or I'll be gone for many months.  Regardless, thanks for helping me try to get off this mess of medications.  I was able to get down from 6 medications to 3 medications because of your help.

[ChessieCat]

Thinking of you  and praying that things go well for you.

[Songbird]

I'm hoping and praying that things will work out okay for you.

[shouldIwait]

Hope you're doing ok! I have someone trying to tapper depakote and I know it can be hard. Stay strong, good vibes going your way

[Zant808]

I'm back and I'll try to explain what happened since June 26, 2018.  I'm guessing what I was referring to back in that post was whether or not I'd have some sort of prison sentence which luckily I did not have.  I received no punishment whatsoever due to having a good lawyer.  After that, we all moved back in the same house the same day.  That's where things went downhill really quickly.  My stepfather didn't recognize our house because of his dementia.  He thought that my mom was playing some sort of trick on him by never bringing him home.  He threatened to kill her and for once I actually had that recorded on my iPhone for some kind of evidence.  She said she was going to call the police but that I should drive out of town and get dinner and wait for her to call back just because of what happened to me last time with the police.  When she called me back she told me that because he has dementia he could not be arrested and that he could not even be taken in for psychiatric assessment.  The only thing that they were going to do was bring him to the emergency room for blood pressure issues.  It sounds completely illogical but that's the protocol that the police and EMTs follow.

 

My mom didn't want my stepdad to return home ever again so what happened was several months of stress trying to battle Medicare and Medicaid trying to get my stepfather into a nursing home.  He was denied from nursing homes because they said that many times when a nurse would try to feed him, he would attack them, so he was labeled as a risk.  My mom also had to spend a lot of money on a different kind of lawyer that was supposed to help set up various accounts to protect having her life savings drained by Medicare and Medicaid.  There was a point where my mom became suicidal herself for what she tells me was the first time ever.  The amount of time she slept dropped from 8 or 9 hours per day to 3 or 4 hours.  She went against my advice and the years of looking at how psychiatric drugs destroyed me and decided to get a prescription for Xanax.  She doesn't take it every day and it is a low dose.

 

About two weeks ago, my stepdad passed away.  He was staying in a temporary skilled nursing facility.  Although I never got to see him there, the way my mom described his existence there was very abusive, similar if not worse than what my grandmother experienced last year when she passed away.  He supposedly lost over 40 pounds, wasn't able to eat, wasn't cleaned up well etc.  He was found at some point as non-responsive and then was brought back via CPR.  He was brought to a nearby hospital where he died of a heart attack.  I was pretty numb to all of this because of the Depakote I suppose although I did find myself sleeping more for about a week.  My mom pulled herself together rather well but says she has more issues with her stomach than with her mind at this point.  There is still the process of trying to undo the various changes to accounts and canceling out applications etc.

 

Now, you'd think that having my stepfather gone would be beneficial to me since he was pretty much an enemy to me.  He forced my grandmother to move out because of the new marriage between my mom and him causing me to become suicidal with the combination of bullying at school.  He gave me Buspar that was prescribed to him even earlier than when I was forced onto Prozac which led me down the path of getting PSSD and becoming disabled.  There were so many of those violent incidents between him and I.

 

Sidetracking a little bit, I found out about a month ago that there is now a highly successful treatment for PSSD that is affordable to me.  Someone from the PSSD forums got it done and reported it there.  The only thing I would need to do is come off of the Anafranil since that would undo anything that the PSSD treatment would accomplish since it's a tricyclic antidepressant similar to SNRIs.  My psychiatrist even surprisingly agreed to write a prescription to a compound pharmacy for 23 mg so I can start coming down from the 25 mg I'm taking now.  I decided to wait until I was done with the existing 25 mg capsules before trying the 23 mg custom capsules.  So basically, what I'm trying to say is that I haven't made any changes to my medication since I was forced to go up on my Depakote Sprinkles back in June 2018.  It's still 1125 mg of Depakote Sprinkles, 3 mg of Klonopin and 25 mg of Anafranil.

 

But this past Friday, I had plans to go out and see a concert.  It was quite a bit of a drive from home and I got home much later than expected and ate more sweets than usual.  But this is something that I do quite a lot because it's really the only thing I can do for fun.  I just travel around going to see different forms of entertainment and then I come home and do work on my computer hoping I can make enough money to save up for stem cell therapy etc.  I didn't forget to take my medications or anything like that.  I didn't drink alcohol etc.  Ever since then, I lost my ability to sleep.  I'm down to sleeping 1 hour a night and feel like I don't have any medication in my body.  I feel my emotions opening up again.  I'm crying constantly.  I managed to just shake it off on Sunday night where I attended another concert in the exact same area but I avoided all sweets and came home earlier to take my medication at a more proper time.  But I'm getting worse and worse.  I've been skipping concerts that I have paid for already which is very unusual for me.  I'm not sure if I'm going manic or what.  I'm very afraid of going back into a psychiatric inpatient unit as I know they won't be able to do anything for me except for load me up with more drugs.  I'm concerned about the pressure I'm putting on my mother as she doesn't know what to do and is taking the Xanax again.

 

I'm just not sure why this is happening.  If the stress of my stepfather is gone, a cure for PSSD is nearly in my grasps, I'm able to go see concerts and I haven't changed anything about my medications, why is my worst nightmare of not being able to sleep at all coming true?

[frasier23]

Chemistry in brain change during withdrawal as well as during under the medication. Can take a while before brain stabilize in a new state. Also having a cocktail of meds is meant to create problems sooner or later. 

 

Hope you can get off som more meds Im glad I only had 2 at most. Day by day man you will get closer. Fear of not sleeping is real I had it for a long time. Keep your routines and things you know is the right thing to do. 

[Altostrata]

Hello, Zant.

 

What times of day do you take each of your drugs, and at what dosages?

 

Being on the computer late at night can be destructive to sleep. You might stop using the computer at, for example, 9 p.m. and see if it helps. Taking perhaps 0.5mg melatonin at 10 p.m. and turning off all the lights can help. Go to bed at a regular hour.

 

While I have no doubt the PSSD is very distressing to you, if I were you, I'd think about reducing the Depakote before embarking on an experimental treatment. Reducing your drug burden may help resolve your PSSD. Adding a different drug to Depakote might not make any difference at all.

 

PSSD itself should not be disabling, but side effects of Depakote, Anafranil, and Xanax could be.

[Zant808]

21 hours ago, frasier23 said:

Chemistry in brain change during withdrawal as well as during under the medication. Can take a while before brain stabilize in a new state. Also having a cocktail of meds is meant to create problems sooner or later. 

 

Hope you can get off som more meds Im glad I only had 2 at most. Day by day man you will get closer. Fear of not sleeping is real I had it for a long time. Keep your routines and things you know is the right thing to do. 

 

I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be stabilizing to since I haven't switched anything.  I'm guessing that the cocktail of meds is just no longer effective at this point which means that I either have to stay at home and hope that I somehow sleep again within the next week or so before psychosis sets in, or it's back to the hospital where I'll be drugged up even more and I won't be able to function afterwards.

[Zant808]

11 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Hello, Zant.

 

What times of day do you take each of your drugs, and at what dosages?

 

Being on the computer late at night can be destructive to sleep. You might stop using the computer at, for example, 9 p.m. and see if it helps. Taking perhaps 0.5mg melatonin at 10 p.m. and turning off all the lights can help. Go to bed at a regular hour.

 

While I have no doubt the PSSD is very distressing to you, if I were you, I'd think about reducing the Depakote before embarking on an experimental treatment. Reducing your drug burden may help resolve your PSSD. Adding a different drug to Depakote might not make any difference at all.

 

PSSD itself should not be disabling, but side effects of Depakote, Anafranil, and Xanax could be.

 

For many months, I've been taking the meds on this approximate schedule:

 

1:00 AM - three of the 125 mg Depakote Sprinkles capsules

2:00 AM - three of the 125 mg Depakote Sprinkles capsules

3:00 AM - three of the 125 mg Depakote Sprinkles capsules

4:00 AM - 3 mg of Klonopin

5:00 AM - 25 mg of Anafranil

 

I have to work on the computer for most of my waking time to keep distracted and to bring in income.  All of my devices have a f.lux type program on them.  I had an unusual sleep schedule of 7:00 AM to 2:00 PM.  I'm not sure how going to bed at 10:00 PM would be possible at this point without changing time zones.  I'm also not sure what I can do besides using a computer or watching TV.  Right now though my TV isn't working properly which is upsetting because I would use that to take breaks away from the computer.  When I take melatonin, it has no effect on my sleep but it makes my mood very angry for some reason.  I would love to try to reduce the Depakote but it seems that I have failed too many times over the past 4 years.  Whenever I reached the low doses, my ability to sleep would diminish, I would freak out and I would wind up in the hospital or updosing myself.  My pdoc said that this is probably because of the death of my stepfather even though our relationship wasn't good.  For most of the day I was in a complete state of fear of death from not sleeping.

[frasier23]

9 hours ago, Zant808 said:

 

I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be stabilizing to since I haven't switched anything.  I'm guessing that the cocktail of meds is just no longer effective at this point which means that I either have to stay at home and hope that I somehow sleep again within the next week or so before psychosis sets in, or it's back to the hospital where I'll be drugged up even more and I won't be able to function afterwards.

 

What I was going to say but maybe didn't put out in clear text is that things happens even if you don't change anything of your medication. SSRI started to mess with me after 12-18months. Had been on same dose all the time. 

To be able to know what is doing what we need to be med free otherwise we will never know.  

 

Are you living alone today? If so consider live with someone during this time. Believe that people before you have succeeded. I was never on the drugs you've been on but I know them strong. Try to get away from everything besides sleep meds and then start taper them too would be my longterm road map. Hope you get better. Ive been an alcohol abuser too which put me on SSRI and then into several psychosis and then put on neuroleptic creating more psychosis and insomnia. I sleep 6h non refreshed today but Im so glad Im med fre and on my way to a hopefully good life. Ive had several diagnosis (bipolar 1 being one) and maltreated by many doctors. They would all be ashamed if they met me.

 

 

[Altostrata]

11 hours ago, Zant808 said:

I had an unusual sleep schedule of 7:00 AM to 2:00 PM. 

 

That is an inverted sleep cycle. You are working against your natural sleep cycle, which is nightfall to dawn.

 

Unless you want to make your sleep cycle more normal, not sure what we can do about your sleep. Whatever sleep you get seems to be drug-induced. It seems your cocktail is not working now.

 

You have been taking 3mg Klonopin for years, correct? It's possible it has lost its effectiveness for sleep -- but we have to assume you are physiologically dependent on it, to go off it, it has to be slowly tapered.

 

11 hours ago, Zant808 said:

I would love to try to reduce the Depakote but it seems that I have failed too many times over the past 4 years.  Whenever I reached the low doses, my ability to sleep would diminish, I would freak out and I would wind up in the hospital or updosing myself. 

 

If I recall correctly, you went back on Depakote a couple of times because of friction with your family.

 

Can't recall how you tapered it before -- did you use the 10% method?

 

Not sure what we can do for you, Zant. If sleep is your major problem, moving back to a normal sleep cycle is usually a good idea. If you must maintain your odd sleep cycle, we can't help you make up a new drug cocktail.

[Zant808]

15 hours ago, frasier23 said:

 

What I was going to say but maybe didn't put out in clear text is that things happens even if you don't change anything of your medication. SSRI started to mess with me after 12-18months. Had been on same dose all the time. 

To be able to know what is doing what we need to be med free otherwise we will never know.  

 

Are you living alone today? If so consider live with someone during this time. Believe that people before you have succeeded. I was never on the drugs you've been on but I know them strong. Try to get away from everything besides sleep meds and then start taper them too would be my longterm road map. Hope you get better. Ive been an alcohol abuser too which put me on SSRI and then into several psychosis and then put on neuroleptic creating more psychosis and insomnia. I sleep 6h non refreshed today but Im so glad Im med fre and on my way to a hopefully good life. Ive had several diagnosis (bipolar 1 being one) and maltreated by many doctors. They would all be ashamed if they met me.

 

 

 

Yeah, what you said made sense.  When I was first put on Prozac, I thought it had a lot of benefits but it wasn't until I started noticing things like sexual side effects, falling asleep in class, inability to fear things that a human normally should that I knew something was wrong.  I was med-free in the year 2007 after being cycled on around 25 medications.  But due to alcohol use I had alcohol psychosis and lost my ability to sleep which landed me into a 3 month state inpatient facility where I got put on way too many drugs and the only thing in the end that made me sleep was Depakote and Klonopin.  In 2014, I started to have blackouts so that is why I wanted to come off meds again, but I have failed every time even though I have followed a similar withdrawal path as in 2007.  I live with my mother which is depressing in a way since I am so old and I feel I need to be independent.  All of my meds now are for bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder and insomnia.

[Zant808]

12 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

That is an inverted sleep cycle. You are working against your natural sleep cycle, which is nightfall to dawn.

 

Unless you want to make your sleep cycle more normal, not sure what we can do about your sleep. Whatever sleep you get seems to be drug-induced. It seems your cocktail is not working now.

 

You have been taking 3mg Klonopin for years, correct? It's possible it has lost its effectiveness for sleep -- but we have to assume you are physiologically dependent on it, to go off it, it has to be slowly tapered.

 

 

If I recall correctly, you went back on Depakote a couple of times because of friction with your family.

 

Can't recall how you tapered it before -- did you use the 10% method?

 

Not sure what we can do for you, Zant. If sleep is your major problem, moving back to a normal sleep cycle is usually a good idea. If you must maintain your odd sleep cycle, we can't help you make up a new drug cocktail.

 

If making my sleep cycle normal is something that is possible, then I would love to learn how to do it.  I have been taking 3 mg of Klonopin for approximately 8 years now.  Yes, I went back on Depakote a couple of times due to family issues.  I recall some of the other times revolving around a cyber attack on my business and another one where I had reached 125 mg of Depakote Sprinkles but was told that I can stop taking it by my withdrawal pdoc because it no longer showed up on my Depakote level blood tests.  I used the 10% method when coming off the Depakote Sprinkles.

 

Another thing that I forgot to mention is that ever since last Friday when I started having the sleep issues again is that I have been having horrible stomach issues.  It feels like my stomach is being shredded.  My appetite is completely gone and I have to force myself to eat.  I also have terrible diarrhea and I had to take some OTC medication for that because it was getting so bad.  Maybe whatever I ate on Friday night gave me some form of food poisoning?  Maybe I have some sort of stomach flu?

 

Actually, going further, ever since Friday it feels like I don't have any medication in my system at all even though I'm still taking it.  Like for example, I know Depakote would slow down my ability to move my toes but now they can move freely again.  The only other medical thing I can think of is at the beginning of the month I had a mercury/silver filling replaced with a white filling and they discovered another cavity under the filling.  I am going to need a root canal for that because it was so severe.  I had novacaine given to me for the first time in over ten years.

Edited October 18, 2018 by Zant808
added more information

[frasier23]

6 hours ago, Zant808 said:

 

Yeah, what you said made sense.  When I was first put on Prozac, I thought it had a lot of benefits but it wasn't until I started noticing things like sexual side effects, falling asleep in class, inability to fear things that a human normally should that I knew something was wrong.  I was med-free in the year 2007 after being cycled on around 25 medications.  But due to alcohol use I had alcohol psychosis and lost my ability to sleep which landed me into a 3 month state inpatient facility where I got put on way too many drugs and the only thing in the end that made me sleep was Depakote and Klonopin.  In 2014, I started to have blackouts so that is why I wanted to come off meds again, but I have failed every time even though I have followed a similar withdrawal path as in 2007.  I live with my mother which is depressing in a way since I am so old and I feel I need to be independent.  All of my meds now are for bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder and insomnia.

Yes I know that feeling living with your mom but see it  as a smart move. It increases your changes to make a life right now. Better to restore yourself first before leaving. May it take some years. Have you passéd 35-40?

 

You can learn independence from home as well by doing all of your own house hold tasks, exercising every day, your own food etc. 

[Altostrata]

On 10/15/2018 at 11:20 PM, Zant808 said:

But this past Friday, I had plans to go out and see a concert.  It was quite a bit of a drive from home and I got home much later than expected and ate more sweets than usual.  But this is something that I do quite a lot because it's really the only thing I can do for fun.  I just travel around going to see different forms of entertainment and then I come home and do work on my computer hoping I can make enough money to save up for stem cell therapy etc.  I didn't forget to take my medications or anything like that.  I didn't drink alcohol etc.  Ever since then, I lost my ability to sleep.  I'm down to sleeping 1 hour a night and feel like I don't have any medication in my body.  I feel my emotions opening up again.  I'm crying constantly.  I managed to just shake it off on Sunday night where I attended another concert in the exact same area but I avoided all sweets and came home earlier to take my medication at a more proper time. 

 

Did you take your drugs irregularly on Friday? That could have caused the sleep disruption and gut upset.

 

On 10/16/2018 at 11:37 PM, Zant808 said:

1:00 AM - three of the 125 mg Depakote Sprinkles capsules

2:00 AM - three of the 125 mg Depakote Sprinkles capsules

3:00 AM - three of the 125 mg Depakote Sprinkles capsules

4:00 AM - 3 mg of Klonopin

5:00 AM - 25 mg of Anafranil

 

If you want to change your sleep pattern, what I would do is move all the Depakote and Klonopin doses earlier until you are going to bed at a more reasonable hour, perhaps midnight. You could do this by moving the doses an hour earlier every week.

 

What effect does Anafranil have on you?

[Zant808]

12 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Did you take your drugs irregularly on Friday? That could have caused the sleep disruption and gut upset.

 

 

If you want to change your sleep pattern, what I would do is move all the Depakote and Klonopin doses earlier until you are going to bed at a more reasonable hour, perhaps midnight. You could do this by moving the doses an hour earlier every week.

 

What effect does Anafranil have on you?

 

Yes, last Friday I wasn't able to take any of my medications until approximately 5:00 AM when I arrived home.  I'll move the Depakote and Klonopin doses earlier and see what the results are.  The Anafranil is supposed to be for depression/OCD but for me it was known to be a very powerful sleeping pill.  In my last inpatient hospitalization, even while being on Depakote, Klonopin, Trazodone, Vistoril and Zyprexa, I wasn't cleared to leave until Anafranil was added because that's what caused me to sleep enough.  The Anafranil causes severe sexual side effects though, possibly worse than the SSRIs or antipsychotics.  I spoke with the Mayo Clinic Sleep Disorders Center and they said that they are unable to take me on as a client because there are too many people waiting for appointments and there is no waitlist.

[Altostrata]

I would move the Anafranil an hour earlier each day, too.

 

But you have to be very systematic in the way you manage your dosing. Irregularities may cause symptoms.

[Zant808]

On 10/19/2018 at 12:51 PM, Altostrata said:

I would move the Anafranil an hour earlier each day, too.

 

But you have to be very systematic in the way you manage your dosing. Irregularities may cause symptoms.

 

I'm going to keep trying switching back the time I take the medication.  The last time I really remember being able to do this was when we were forced to in my last inpatient hospitalization.  Medication time at 9:00 PM, sleep at 10:00 AM, wake up at 7:00 AM.  That doesn't leave any room for really having a social life but I guess this will have to do if it can help me stabilize.  I have improved my sleep a little bit but it's happening accidentally when I am watching TV at odd times like 7:30 PM when I don't even want to sleep or even really feel tired.  I'm not crying uncontrollably anymore and my system feels like it has some medication in it.  I'm concerned about the coming weeks as I have to plan to travel to get both stem cell therapy and PSSD treatment done in the same week or two I'm away from home.  Also, my mom is having problems with her stomach which isn't allowing her to sleep.  She's taking a small dose of Xanax each night, something like .125 mg and she wakes up with suicidal thoughts that don't go away for hours unless she takes yet another .125 mg of Xanax.

[Altostrata]

It sounds like you are doing better. What is your drug schedule now?

 

If I were you, I'd postpone the PSSD therapy -- your symptoms are probably from the drugs you're taking. It would be a waste of time, effort, and money to treat this now. Wait until you are off drugs -- the sexual dysfunction may resolve on its own.

 

What is the stem cell therapy for?

 

I fear you are doing everything to address your iatrogenic symptoms other than deal with the drugs that are causing them.

[Altostrata]

Zant, how are you doing?

[Zant808]

On 1/19/2019 at 4:17 PM, Altostrata said:

Zant, how are you doing?

 

5/17/2019 - Well, I'm back after a long time of being away.  I couldn't do anything for many months regarding tapering my own medications because I had to help out my mom with all of her problems.  Shortly after my stepfather passed away and she was going through the nightmare of dealing with insurance and bills, she was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Fortunately, it was only stage 1 breast cancer which only required a single surgery.  After the surgery though, she discovered that her right armpit had a lot of pain and a horrible burning sensation that made her suicidal.  

 

She went through a ridiculous amount of options to try and get rid of the pain.  She couldn't handle any pain medications and she was given everything from just Tylenol to opioids which I don't recall the names of.She was even given several psychiatric drugs and she didn't follow my advice and her own experience seeing me suffering because of psych meds and still took a lot of them.  She was given Xanax, Neurontin, Effexor XR and Elavil (at individual times, not as a cocktail).  The only one she would listen to me about not taking was the Effexor XR.  The Xanax made her too sleepy to function and the Neurontin gave her dizziness and vertigo to the point where she would have to lay down and scream for hours until the side effects stopped.  Fortunately she found a good amount of relief with the Elavil which only seems to be giving her more of an appetite as a side effect.  I do worry about the long term effects of course.

 

She has the option of doing radiation treatment to make sure the cancer doesn't return but she doesn't feel that she can handle the additional pain that would be added to her armpit and breast area.  Since she only had stage 1 breast cancer, she doesn't have to do chemotherapy.  She's also has to take some sort of prescription for ten years as another preventative measure for the cancer but it apparently has no side effects.  What is a huge problem to me is that I'm pretty sure decades of smoking caused the breast cancer, yet she still continues to smoke.

 

She is functioning pretty well now and I haven't really had huge issues with her in terms of arguing etc. which just goes to show that it was my stepfather that was the negative influence.  About a week ago, my pdoc agreed to research PSSD and has no problem with me slowing going off the Anafranil.  So, I'm down to 23 mg of Anafranil.  I still need to schedule appointments with the PSSD doctor and the stem cell treatment facility to reverse the damages done to me by all of these medications.  I was already told that there is no sense in trying to get PSSD treatment while I'm taking a tricyclic that causes severe sexual dysfunction like Anafranil, but I may be able to repair my GABA receptors with stem cell therapy.  I'll take my chances with these treatments because otherwise I'll just be remaining stagnant with my overall health.

My symptoms:  PSSD, irregular sleep patterns, anxiety, memory loss, lack of motivation, depression

 

Summary and Schedule:

Total sleep:  somewhere between 6 and 8 hours
Diet:  bottled water, milk, cereal, flounder, caesar salad, brussel sprouts, chocolate cookies, peanut butter crackers
Exercise:  none
Quality of life:  5 out of 10

3:00 AM - 1125 mg of Depakote Sprinkles, 3 mg Klonopin, 23 mg Anafranil (Day 7 of cutting to 23 mg)
8:00 AM - attempt to sleep

[Frogie]

4 hours ago, Zant808 said:

 

5/17/2019 - Well, I'm back after a long time of being away.  I couldn't do anything for many months regarding tapering my own medications because I had to help out my mom with all of her problems.  Shortly after my stepfather passed away and she was going through the nightmare of dealing with insurance and bills, she was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Fortunately, it was only stage 1 breast cancer which only required a single surgery.  After the surgery though, she discovered that her right armpit had a lot of pain and a horrible burning sensation that made her suicidal.  

 

She went through a ridiculous amount of options to try and get rid of the pain.  She couldn't handle any pain medications and she was given everything from just Tylenol to opioids which I don't recall the names of.She was even given several psychiatric drugs and she didn't follow my advice and her own experience seeing me suffering because of psych meds and still took a lot of them.  She was given Xanax, Neurontin, Effexor XR and Elavil (at individual times, not as a cocktail).  The only one she would listen to me about not taking was the Effexor XR.  The Xanax made her too sleepy to function and the Neurontin gave her dizziness and vertigo to the point where she would have to lay down and scream for hours until the side effects stopped.  Fortunately she found a good amount of relief with the Elavil which only seems to be giving her more of an appetite as a side effect.  I do worry about the long term effects of course.

 

She has the option of doing radiation treatment to make sure the cancer doesn't return but she doesn't feel that she can handle the additional pain that would be added to her armpit and breast area.  Since she only had stage 1 breast cancer, she doesn't have to do chemotherapy.  She's also has to take some sort of prescription for ten years as another preventative measure for the cancer but it apparently has no side effects.  What is a huge problem to me is that I'm pretty sure decades of smoking caused the breast cancer, yet she still continues to smoke.

 

She is functioning pretty well now and I haven't really had huge issues with her in terms of arguing etc. which just goes to show that it was my stepfather that was the negative influence.  About a week ago, my pdoc agreed to research PSSD and has no problem with me slowing going off the Anafranil.  So, I'm down to 23 mg of Anafranil.  I still need to schedule appointments with the PSSD doctor and the stem cell treatment facility to reverse the damages done to me by all of these medications.  I was already told that there is no sense in trying to get PSSD treatment while I'm taking a tricyclic that causes severe sexual dysfunction like Anafranil, but I may be able to repair my GABA receptors with stem cell therapy.  I'll take my chances with these treatments because otherwise I'll just be remaining stagnant with my overall health.

My symptoms:  PSSD, irregular sleep patterns, anxiety, memory loss, lack of motivation, depression

 

Summary and Schedule:

Total sleep:  somewhere between 6 and 8 hours
Diet:  bottled water, milk, cereal, flounder, caesar salad, brussel sprouts, chocolate cookies, peanut butter crackers
Exercise:  none
Quality of life:  5 out of 10

3:00 AM - 1125 mg of Depakote Sprinkles, 3 mg Klonopin, 23 mg Anafranil (Day 7 of cutting to 23 mg)
8:00 AM - attempt to sleep

I’m glad to see you back!

So sorry to hear of all of your life challenges,  but sounds like you are doing well in spite of all of them.

Keep us posted😊

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

 

 

[Altostrata]

You sound better, Zant. How are you feeling on the reduced Afranil? What was your prior dosage?

 

Congratulations on eating greens. You still need to get some exercise and move your sleep cycle back to a normal one, it's better for all your organ functioning.

 

Please note that even if you're off Afranil, you're still taking a large dose of Depakote. That may be contributing to the PSSD. The Klonopin may be responsible for anxiety, memory loss, lack of motivation, depression.

 

As I think I mentioned before, I do not think stem cell treatment for the reasons you've mentioned is worth pursuing.

[Zant808]

On 5/18/2019 at 9:32 AM, Frogie said:

I’m glad to see you back!

So sorry to hear of all of your life challenges,  but sounds like you are doing well in spite of all of them.

Keep us posted😊

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

 

 

 

Thanks Frogie.  Yeah, I'm at the point where I can't complain that much because I've been through so many worse scenarios in my life.  I just have to be patient with the Anafranil withdrawal while saving up money for the PSSD treatment.  How have you been?

[Zant808]

On 5/18/2019 at 5:51 PM, Altostrata said:

You sound better, Zant. How are you feeling on the reduced Afranil? What was your prior dosage?

 

Congratulations on eating greens. You still need to get some exercise and move your sleep cycle back to a normal one, it's better for all your organ functioning.

  

Please note that even if you're off Afranil, you're still taking a large dose of Depakote. That may be contributing to the PSSD. The Klonopin may be responsible for anxiety, memory loss, lack of motivation, depression.

 

As I think I mentioned before, I do not think stem cell treatment for the reasons you've mentioned is worth pursuing.

 

Hey Alto,

 

Yeah, I'm definitely a lot better and I can't really complain about much.  I don't feel any type of withdrawal effects from reducing the Anafranil.  I was taking 25 mg of Anafranil since my last inpatient hospital stay which was in the summer of 2016.  Yeah, I think both the Depakote and Klonopin contribute to PSSD but nowhere nearly as bad as Anafranil or any of the other tricyclics, SSRIs, SNRIs or antipsychotics.  I just have to focus on reducing the Anafranil.  I have a long time until I make a decision as to whether or not to try coming off Depakote and/or Klonopin.  I would like to exercise but based on my track record of trying to use exercise as something to help with psych med withdrawal, it's done a lot of negative things.  I haven't gotten sick all winter long despite all of the stress with my mom's breast cancer.  When I tried to run back in 2015 or 2016, I wound up getting plantar fasciitis very quickly which didn't heal until about a year later.  People at gyms don't bother to clean the equipment and don't miss a workout even if they are sick, so I wind up sick when I try to do basic weight training.  I'll consider it though.  Plus, I should probably do at least one month of the 4 Hour Body 20 pounds in one month method again to lose some weight.  As for the stem cell treatment, I have my mind set on it as something that it will help because there was an individual in a PSSD group who posted an entire story of everything that he tried and the stem cell therapy and PSSD doctor were the two main takeaways which I believe were critical for his success and I think that they will be necessary for my success.

[Zant808]

5/19/2019 - I'm going to try and keep posting here, but at the same time I need to realize that I cannot obsess over trying to find a quicker path to fixing my problems.  I just have to be patient with coming off the Anafranil.  I have to keep saving up money so I can pay for the PSSD treatments which have been proven to cure both men and women and I have to hope that the stem cell therapy will repair the damage to my GABA receptors so I can sleep normally again.

 

My symptoms:  PSSD, irregular sleep patterns, anxiety, memory loss, lack of motivation, depression

 

Summary and Schedule:

Total sleep:  somewhere between 7 and 9 hours
Diet:  bottled water, milk, cereal, ravioli, garlic bread, caesar salad, chocolate cookies, peanut butter crackers
Exercise:  none
Quality of life:  5 out of 10

3:00 AM - 1125 mg of Depakote Sprinkles, 3 mg Klonopin, 23 mg Anafranil (Day 9 of cutting to 23 mg)
8:00 AM - attempt to sleep

[Frogie]

3 hours ago, Zant808 said:

 

Thanks Frogie.  Yeah, I'm at the point where I can't complain that much because I've been through so many worse scenarios in my life.  I just have to be patient with the Anafranil withdrawal while saving up money for the PSSD treatment.  How have you been?

It sounds like you are doing better despite all the hurdles you’ve been through. I’m doing ok. I’ve been off Lexapro almost 2 months. Never thought I would see that day. I feel really good. The 1st couple of days were just pure h**l, but got through it ok. I’m going to start a small (5%) taper on my Xanax on June 1st. I’ve got to get off of it. Been on it over 20+ years. Time to go lol... We are trying to buy a house and get out of this awful little town to make our lives better. But the hoops you have to jump through is unbelievable. Wish me luck, I need all I can get. I’ll keep sending good vibes your way. But glad to see you back. Just take one day at a time and don’t dwell on things😊 I need to take my own advise. Take care, Frogie xx

[Altostrata]

12 hours ago, Zant808 said:

5/19/2019 - I'm going to try and keep posting here, but at the same time I need to realize that I cannot obsess over trying to find a quicker path to fixing my problems.  I just have to be patient with coming off the Anafranil.  I have to keep saving up money so I can pay for the PSSD treatments which have been proven to cure both men and women and I have to hope that the stem cell therapy will repair the damage to my GABA receptors so I can sleep normally again.

 

My symptoms:  PSSD, irregular sleep patterns, anxiety, memory loss, lack of motivation, depression

 

Summary and Schedule:

Total sleep:  somewhere between 7 and 9 hours
Diet:  bottled water, milk, cereal, ravioli, garlic bread, caesar salad, chocolate cookies, peanut butter crackers
Exercise:  none
Quality of life:  5 out of 10

3:00 AM - 1125 mg of Depakote Sprinkles, 3 mg Klonopin, 23 mg Anafranil (Day 9 of cutting to 23 mg)
8:00 AM - attempt to sleep

 

That's a very significant realization. Also, when you reduce Anafranil and Depakote to very low doses, you may find your PSSD resolves. (Klonopin may be contributing as well.)

 

It would be a waste of time and money for a PSSD treatment while you're taking psychiatric drugs. In fact, you do not have Post-SSRI Sexual Disorder at all -- that happens after you go off the drugs. What you're experiencing is an unfortunately common side effect of psychiatric drugs.

 

However, you may want to save up money for something else to move into a new life that isn't governed by drugs and family drama.

 

You don't have to do strenuous exercise for daily exercise, you could do low-impact exercise such as low-impact aerobics or stationary bike or even just walking around the neighborhood for a half-hour each day.

[Zant808]

6/21/2019 - Well, I guess the whole posting daily thing didn't really work out.  I've just been trying to keep myself busy with as much "normal life stuff" as I can do while I slowly reduce the Anafranil.  I'm not sure exactly where I am in the taper.  I just know I'm getting 30 pills compounded each month with about a 2 mg reduction each time.  I don't think I have any withdrawal symptoms yet.  I just have the same iatrogenic damages from all of the other medications.

 

My symptoms:  PSSD, irregular sleep patterns, anxiety, memory loss, lack of motivation, depression

 

Summary and Schedule:

 

Total sleep:  somewhere between 7 and 9 hours
Diet:  bottled water, milk, cereal, loin of pork, cornbread, broccoli, cauliflower, potatoes, spinach, green peppers, caesar salad, chocolate cookies, peanut butter crackers
Exercise:  none
Quality of life:  5 out of 10

 

3:00 AM - 1125 mg of Depakote Sprinkles, 3 mg Klonopin, 21 mg Anafranil (Approximately day 15 of cutting to 21 mg)
8:00 AM - attempt to sleep

 

 

[Songbird]

Good to see an update, Zant.  Keeping busy with normal life stuff is a good thing.

[Zant808]

7/6/2019 - I've still just been trying to keep myself busy with as much "normal life stuff" as I can do while I slowly reduce the Anafranil.  I'm posting because I just did a reduction to 19 mg of Anafranil from 21 mg of Anafranil.  I still don't think I have any withdrawal symptoms yet.  I just have the same iatrogenic damages from all of the other medications.

 

My symptoms:  PSSD, irregular sleep patterns, anxiety, memory loss, lack of motivation, depression

 

Summary and Schedule:

 

Total sleep:  somewhere between 7 and 9 hours
Diet:  bottled water, milk, cereal, orange chicken, rice, salad, chocolate cookies, cheese crackers
Exercise:  none
Quality of life:  5 out of 10

 

3:00 AM - 1125 mg of Depakote Sprinkles, 3 mg Klonopin, 19 mg Anafranil (Day 1 of cutting to 19 mg)
8:00 AM - attempt to sleep

[Zant808]

8/4/2019 - Same thing as usual.  I've still just been trying to keep myself busy with as much "normal life stuff" as I can do while I slowly reduce the Anafranil.  I'm posting because I just did a reduction to 17 mg of Anafranil from 19 mg of Anafranil.  I still don't think I have any withdrawal symptoms yet.  I just have the same iatrogenic damages from all of the other medications.  One thing I find that is really stupid is that even though there are 31 days in many months, you can still only get a 30 day supply of most medications before you need to see the doctor again.  This rule almost led to me having to go to the hospital where of course, they wouldn't have been able to make a custom dose of Anafranil, so it would have been pointless.

 

My symptoms:  PSSD, irregular sleep patterns, anxiety, memory loss, lack of motivation, depression

 

Summary and Schedule:

 

Total sleep:  somewhere between 7 and 9 hours

Diet:  bottled water, milk, cereal, cheeseburgers, chocolate cookies, cheese crackers

Exercise:  none
Quality of life:  5 out of 10

3:00 AM - 1125 mg of Depakote Sprinkles, 3 mg Klonopin, 17 mg Anafranil (Day 1 of cutting to 17 mg)
8:00 AM - attempt to sleep

[Zant808]

9/9/2019 - I've just been trying to keep myself occupied but I'm losing patience with this withdrawal process more and more.  I'm making a post because tonight is the first night I'm doing a reduction from 17 mg of Anafranil to 15 mg of Anafranil.   I seem to not be able to sleep unless I'm at home.  I don't know why this is.  I don't know if I can blame this on withdrawal or not.  I have the same iatrogenic damages from all of the other medications.  I managed to fix the 30 pills in a 31 day month issue finally.  It takes a lot of explaining and complaining to the pdoc and the pharmacy.

 

My symptoms:  PSSD, irregular sleep patterns, anxiety, memory loss, lack of motivation, depression

 

Summary and Schedule:

 

Total sleep:  somewhere between 7 and 9 hours
Diet:  bottled water, milk, cereal, hot dogs, french fries, chocolate cookies, peanut butter crackers
Exercise:  none
Quality of life:  5 out of 10

2:00 AM - 1125 mg of Depakote Sprinkles, 3 mg Klonopin, 15 mg Anafranil (Day 1 of cutting to 15 mg)
7:00 AM - attempt to sleep

[Zant808]

10/11/2019 - Tonight is approximately the third night I'm doing a reduction from 15 mg of Anafranil to 12 mg of Anafranil.  I actually have more of a problem oversleeping now than insomnia.  I have the same iatrogenic damages from all of the other medications.

 

My symptoms:  PSSD, irregular sleep patterns, anxiety, memory loss, lack of motivation, depression

 

Summary and Schedule:

 

Total sleep:  somewhere between 9 and 11 hours
Diet:  bottled water, milk, cereal, tacos, peanut butter crackers, cheese crackers
Exercise:  none
Quality of life:  5 out of 10

2:00 AM - 1125 mg of Depakote Sprinkles, 3 mg Klonopin, 12 mg Anafranil (Day 3 of cutting to 12 mg)
7:00 AM - attempt to sleep

[Zant808]

11/8/2019 - Tonight is the first night I'm doing a reduction from 12 mg of Anafranil to 9 mg of Anafranil.  My pdoc wants me to move faster with the taper of Anafranil so I can see the PSSD specialist much earlier.  I still have the same iatrogenic damages from all of the other medications.

 

My symptoms:  PSSD, irregular sleep patterns, anxiety, memory loss, lack of motivation, depression

 

Summary and Schedule:

 

Total sleep:  somewhere between 8 and 10 hours
Diet:  bottled water, milk, cereal, orange chicken, rice, chocolate cookies
Exercise:  none
Quality of life:  5 out of 10

3:00 AM - 1125 mg of Depakote Sprinkles, 3 mg Klonopin, 9 mg Anafranil (Day 1 of cutting to 12 mg)
8:00 AM - attempt to sleep

[Zant808]

12/13/2019 - Tonight is pretty close to the first night I'm doing a reduction from 9 mg of Anafranil to 6 mg of Anafranil.  I'm still continuing the faster taper of Anafranil so I can see the PSSD specialist much earlier.  I have an Ashton method crossover to Valium planned for when I'm ready to do so. I'm surprised to find pdocs are actually understanding this stuff now. Hey it's almost 2020 and the first benzo librium came out in 1960? Wow, such progress in only 60 years!

 

I also have been recommended to have medical marijuana prescribed to assist with my anxiety and sleep while I'm going through withdrawal. But nothing is certain and this process takes months. It is quite ridiculous when there are states where you can just go in and buy it legally from a dispensary without all the hoops to jump through. But hey, the west coast is a lot smarter than where I'm at. And of course, I still have the same iatrogenic damages from all of the other psychiatric medications.

 

My symptoms:  PSSD, irregular sleep patterns, anxiety, memory loss, lack of motivation, depression

 

Summary and Schedule:

 

Total sleep:  somewhere between 8 and 10 hours
Diet:  bottled water, milk, cereal, omelet, pancakes, fried shrimp, broccoli, salad
Exercise:  none
Quality of life:  5 out of 10

 

3:00 AM - 1125 mg of Depakote Sprinkles, 3 mg Klonopin, 6 mg Anafranil (Day 1 of cutting to 6 mg)
8:00 AM - attempt to sleep