Zant808: 17+ years of psychiatric drugging

[Zant808]

12/16/2019

 

I recently posted about how things were going smoothly. I was doing an Anafranil taper before I was going to even decide to want to come off of Depakote Sprinkles or Klonopin. However, I recently saw my pdoc and there's apparently a new rule/policy in effect where they want to remove everyone off of any type of benzo and put them on another medication because they are of the mentality that "benzos are bad and addictive and the other psych meds are safe" when we know that isn't the case. So the pdoc believes that dropping me from 3 mg of Klonopin to 0 mg is going to be safe as long as other medications such as Neurontin, Vistaril, Buspar etc. are substituted for it. I had bad reactions to those medications in the past and that is well documented. I have had multiple hospitalizations when benzos were dropped and that is well documented. However, the pdoc won't listen to reason.

 

So I only have a 6 week window where I will be prescribed the 3 mg of Klonopin until I am dropped to 0 mg. I will also be stuck at the end of an Anafranil taper where I'm not even sure if I'm at 6 mg or 3 mg because I don't think the pdoc even called in the prescription to the pharmacy because we had an argument.  I only have one pill of the 6 mg of Anafranil left and then that's it.  I obviously need to find a new pdoc quickly.  My family doctor is unable to prescribe the Klonopin unfortunately. I don't know if these new pdocs are going to want to "reevaluate" me and try all new meds or if they are just going to keep me on what I am on now.

 

I also have a medical marijuana doctor appointment soon and I'm not sure what to tell them.  The whole purpose of going to them was to see if MMJ would help me with anxiety and sleep so I can finish the Anafranil taper and hopefully be able to taper the Depakote Sprinkles and Klonopin at some point.  I also know of a doctor who claimed to be familiar with crossing over from Klonopin to Valium to taper off it slowly which is probably my only option.  However, I don't know if that doctor will use the exact Ashton Method calculations. Which by the way, if I'm taking 3 mg of Klonopin is that the equivalent to 60 mg of Valium?

 

Throw in the fact that I have to get multiple x-rays for falls that I had recently to see the extent of damage done. I have no idea if any pain medication will be prescribed for that. Plus I'm having dental issues and there are no available appointments for my dentist.  The stem cell place that I was supposed to go to attempt to repair the brain damage from the psych meds was shut down by the FDA.  Also, I need to make an appointment to see the PSSD specialist but I need to be off the Anafranil and stable before I do that.  So everything is a mess again.  Any advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated.

[Zant808]

On 5/20/2019 at 6:48 PM, Altostrata said:

 

That's a very significant realization. Also, when you reduce Anafranil and Depakote to very low doses, you may find your PSSD resolves. (Klonopin may be contributing as well.)

 

It would be a waste of time and money for a PSSD treatment while you're taking psychiatric drugs. In fact, you do not have Post-SSRI Sexual Disorder at all -- that happens after you go off the drugs. What you're experiencing is an unfortunately common side effect of psychiatric drugs.

 

However, you may want to save up money for something else to move into a new life that isn't governed by drugs and family drama.

 

You don't have to do strenuous exercise for daily exercise, you could do low-impact exercise such as low-impact aerobics or stationary bike or even just walking around the neighborhood for a half-hour each day.

 

1/5/2020 - Tonight has to be at least one week since I've done a reduction from 6 mg of Anafranil to 3 mg of Anafranil.  I have found a new family doctor who is going to keep me stabilized on my current medications, so I don't have to drop from 3 mg of Klonopin to 0 mg.  I will still have to find a new pdoc so I can taper off the rest of the Anafranil.  I am approved for MMJ and just have to wait for MMJ card in the mail.  My back pain issues have gone away, but my side still hurts.  I haven't been able to schedule an appointment to get the x-rays and there doesn't seem to be a dentist appointment available for many months.

 

My biggest problem is the stress from my mother, who had an operation for a hernia last week.  She is in constant pain and has been in and out of the emergency room multiple times since the operation.  The doctors cannot help her because she told them that she is allergic to all prescription opioids, which isn't even the truth.  Instead, she just keeps asking for higher doses of Xanax to just keep putting her to sleep despite knowing what the benzos and other psych meds did to me.  I think she will need to be put in a nursing home soon because if the doctors cannot do anything for her, how can I help her?

 

My symptoms:  PSSD, irregular sleep patterns, anxiety, memory loss, lack of motivation, depression

 

Summary and Schedule:

 

Total sleep:  somewhere between 8 and 10 hours
Diet:  bottled water, spaghetti, meatballs, garlic bread, milk, chocolate cookies
Exercise:  none
Quality of life:  1 out of 10

 

3:00 AM - 1125 mg of Depakote Sprinkles, 3 mg Klonopin, 3 mg Anafranil (Approximately Day 7 of cutting to 3 mg)
8:00 AM - attempt to sleep

[Altostrata]

Zant, it sounds like you've made progress in taking care of yourself. Can your kind gp also help you taper Anafranil? I would go off that first, before the benzo.

 

Not sure what you can do for your mother. Her asking for more and more benzos is not a good sign, she's at least psychologically dependent on the drugs already. Is her surgery healing well, otherwise?

[WizeroAim]

On 6/23/2015 at 11:07 PM, Zant808 said:

 

I would say very poorly.  Both of them no longer want to support my withdrawal even though they never really looked at any of the dozens of resources I showed them.  They insist that the meds are helping me, I was born with a biological illness of bipolar disorder and that I should remain on permanent disability for the rest of my life.  At my last psychiatrist visit, I got ignored when I asked for my official DSM diagnosis.  I was also given the lame statement where diabetics take insulin and I am the same with my mental illness.

 Lol the drugs destroy you and they thing ir is helping. So they keep pushing meds on You. I found nothing more frustrsiting than this

[Zant808]

On 1/5/2020 at 5:23 PM, Altostrata said:

Zant, it sounds like you've made progress in taking care of yourself. Can your kind gp also help you taper Anafranil? I would go off that first, before the benzo.

 

Not sure what you can do for your mother. Her asking for more and more benzos is not a good sign, she's at least psychologically dependent on the drugs already. Is her surgery healing well, otherwise?

 

Hey Alto,

 

So basically what happened maybe within a week your reply to this post (so January 12, 2020) was that I found that there was simply no pdoc who could take me on without ridiculous intake requirements such as seeing a therapist three times to see if I was a right fit with the pdoc / organization, paying $400 per half hour session, etc.  And none of these things guaranteed a slower taper off the Anafranil or even to keep me on as a patient.  I was fortunate my MMJ doctor pretty much is my GP now.  I just took a risk and dropped from 3 mg to 0 mg of Anafranil.  I didn't have any problems with Anafranil withdrawal.  The MMJ approval went through fine and I was just waiting to see if any MMJ could help me with a klonopin to valium crossover.  And this is where everything went downhill once again, starting maybe on only last Wednesday...

 

I started to get more involved with the PSSD group again because since there have been a few cases of medically induced cures now, I wanted to see what my best path is.  But then that got me thinking about the suicide of member potions again because of PSSD.  And that led me to look up my friend who had committed a horrific double murder-suicide in 2013 which I blame on the anti-depressants he was prescribed just months prior to the event.  Then I discovered that at the end of January, his father had passed away in his early 50s to due to suicide as well.  I can only assume it had something to do with psych meds as well.  So with all the overwhelm, I tried the recommended smokable indica MMJ and a low dose 10 mg THC edible losenge to try and relax.

 

It had worked for me when travelling in the recreational MMJ states when I had difficulty sleeping in a hotel that wasn't my home.  But things went downhill.  While I somehow reached a point of relaxation in my body even greater than what Klonopin could produce, I reached the point where my entire body was in so much pain that I felt like I had the flu.  I have a reclining chair and I couldn't get out of the chair at all.  I could only drink bottled water and stare at the TV.  Sleep would never come for a few days.  I was afraid to go to the hospital.  I've gotten better each day, but unfortunately my sleep is destroyed again.  I might get an hour or two of sleep per night now.  I tested just the smokable indica MMJ two days ago and was able to relax but didn't have the crippling flu-like effects.

 

My mom was just in and out of the emergency room as well.  She's doing fine and she claims that she hasn't touched any xanax in at least a month.  However, she says she gets horrible, uncontrollable voices telling her to kill herself for a few hours each morning that she just fights off and they go away.

 

I am going to have to cancel my upcoming vacation which unfortunately isn't totally refundable.  The week off without working on my business hasn't made things better financially either.  I also have to reapply for disability which has me worried that I will lose my health insurance.  My mom seems to think that this insomnia is all due to me going off the remaining 3 mg of Anafranil and because of the upcoming changing of the clocks affecting my circadian rhythm.  I'm afraid to go to inpatient hospitalization.  I haven't been to a psych hospital since 2016.

 

One other new thing that was introduced to me just yesterday was the Fisher Wallace Stimulator which is a device that you hook up to your temples.  It supposedly helps with insomnia, depression and anxiety by sending electrical signals.  I have to do that twice per day and I'm not supposed to know if it works for at least two weeks.

 

I was ready to go see the PSSD specialist shortly after my vacation (so probably May 2020) since I'm finally off the Anafranil, but now I have this fear of insomnia and going back into the psych hospital again, I'm not sure how to proceed next with any aspect of my life.  Sorry for all the rambling.  One other thing I wanted to mention was that I had some of this ready to post the other day, but I don't see any option that allows me to save a draft here, so I had to save it locally on my hard drive.

 

And of course, if anyone has any suggestions on what to do that would be greatly appreciated.

[Zant808]

On 1/6/2020 at 11:42 PM, WizeroAim said:

 Lol the drugs destroy you and they thing ir is helping. So they keep pushing meds on You. I found nothing more frustrsiting than this

 

Yes, that's exactly how it is unfortunately.  I'm constantly reminded that one poor decision by doctors to force me onto Prozac destroyed my life forever.  I've found out that it's not even just the psych meds that are destroying people.  It's almost everything that has been invented by Big Pharma like blood pressure medication, etc. that can cause permanent side effects like insomnia, sexual dysfunction etc.  But there's no real action taken to stop this.  There's more action taken to go after and destroy the life of a comedian who said a "racist" joke on stage.  Life makes no sense.

[Altostrata]

Zant, if you've been using medical marijuana and got a bad reaction from that, I'm not going to be able to help you. The complexities of your situation are beyond my pay grade.

 

Your sleeplessness may be from going off Anafranil, a reaction to the benzo switch, a reaction to MMJ, or a reaction to a drug combination. All I can suggest is your doctor come onto this site and learn about adverse effects of any of these drugs so he can better help you.

 

If reading the PSSD group upsets you, if I were you, I wouldn't look at it. You can't tell the future for yourself by looking at anyone else's experience, recovery is different for everyone. Since you don't know, you might as well expect gradual recovery after you've minimized your drug intake. Sexual dysfunction may be caused by the Depakote or benzo you're continuing to take.

[Zant808]

17 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Zant, if you've been using medical marijuana and got a bad reaction from that, I'm not going to be able to help you. The complexities of your situation are beyond my pay grade.

 

Your sleeplessness may be from going off Anafranil, a reaction to the benzo switch, a reaction to MMJ, or a reaction to a drug combination. All I can suggest is your doctor come onto this site and learn about adverse effects of any of these drugs so he can better help you.

 

If reading the PSSD group upsets you, if I were you, I wouldn't look at it. You can't tell the future for yourself by looking at anyone else's experience, recovery is different for everyone. Since you don't know, you might as well expect gradual recovery after you've minimized your drug intake. Sexual dysfunction may be caused by the Depakote or benzo you're continuing to take.

 

I apologize for overloading you with information.  I know you handle a lot of cases and I don't come on here that often unless it's an emergency because I don't want to exhaust the resources of the site.  I'm somewhat in the state where I don't know if I'm sleeping or not now.  I'll stop using the MMJ.  I'm not sure what you mean by a benzo switch.  I've been on 3 mg of Klonopin without an attempted withdrawal for at least 4 years.  I suppose I can try to have the doctor come and look at the site.  I agree that sexual dysfunction is being caused by Depakote and Klonopin, but nowhere near as bad as what the antidepressants have done to me.  I'm just following what the PSSD specialist said so he can see me and hopefully treat me.  Without nervous system stabilization, there's really no way to go off the Klonopin and Depakote.  But I'm not in a hurry to get off of those.  So, really the only thing I can do other than what you mentioned is just wait things out?  Can I please have the updated links to the sleep/care resources here?

[Altostrata]

I thought you had crossed over to Valium.

 

Whatever symptoms you have, adding drugs makes interpreting them all the more complicated. I'm not about to untangle which of your current symptoms is from what drug. Keeping it simple is a better idea than adding complexity.

 

If sexual dysfunction is your biggest concern, if I were you, I'd stay on Klonopin and gradually reduce the Depakote, it's a more dangerous drug. Tips for tapering off sodium valproate and valproic acid (divalproex sodium, Depakote, Depakene)

 

PSSD is what happens after you go off psychiatric drugs. It does not apply to people who are taking psychiatric drugs. Sexual dysfunction is a common adverse effect of the drugs, and the way to relieve it is by reducing the drugs.

 

For sleep, see

 

[Zant808]

On 2/28/2020 at 4:25 PM, Altostrata said:

I thought you had crossed over to Valium.

 

Whatever symptoms you have, adding drugs makes interpreting them all the more complicated. I'm not about to untangle which of your current symptoms is from what drug. Keeping it simple is a better idea than adding complexity.

 

If sexual dysfunction is your biggest concern, if I were you, I'd stay on Klonopin and gradually reduce the Depakote, it's a more dangerous drug. Tips for tapering off sodium valproate and valproic acid (divalproex sodium, Depakote, Depakene)

 

PSSD is what happens after you go off psychiatric drugs. It does not apply to people who are taking psychiatric drugs. Sexual dysfunction is a common adverse effect of the drugs, and the way to relieve it is by reducing the drugs.

 

For sleep, see

 

 

My insomnia and anxiety were so out of control the past several days that I had to cancel my vacation.  I'd rather not worsen things by not being able to sleep in another city and risk going inpatient out there.  There has to be something with the clocks changing that is causing these issues.  I know my mom tells me that this happens whenever the clocks change, but I don't really recall it.  I'm at the point where I don't know if I'm sleeping or not.  I think it's called sleep state misperception.  I think it's been quite a long time since I've had a sleep study, so I think that might be something to consider.

 

Going to see the doctor about PSSD regardless if I'm on Klonopin and Depakote Sprinkles or nothing at all is going to still put me on a much larger cocktail of medications and other treatments than I've ever been on in my life, with the additional of the only surgery to my spine I've ever had.  I've heard of a few cases where the treatments have helped insomnia in addition to PSSD.

 

While being normal and med free is what I truly want, I don't know if even given the sleep resources here or anywhere if I'm ever going to get that.  I also fear that if my mother passes away, I won't know what to do to take care of myself.  I have no other family and I really don't have any friends anymore.  They have moved on and married and had children because the vast majority never touched psychiatric medications or never had severe negative reactions from them like I have.  How can I accept my situation in life when I feel there is little, if no room to make any positive progress?  Do you believe that the clocks changing have something to do with triggering insomnia again?

[Altostrata]

Are you still sleeping on an odd schedule?

 

There are many sad and frightening unknowns in the future. We all have to cope with existential dread, not let it paralyze us. That's life.

 

This is only an Internet forum. Personally, I've given you the best advice of which I'm capable, with all the caveats thereto, including I'm not a doctor, I'm not omniscient, and I can't fix people long-distance.

 

If you wish to pursue medical treatment, that's your decision. Yes, you might be put on a boatload of drugs, that's how these things go these days. Who knows, it could be just what you need. You pays your money and you makes your choice.

[Zant808]

On 3/8/2020 at 4:44 PM, Altostrata said:

Are you still sleeping on an odd schedule?

 

There are many sad and frightening unknowns in the future. We all have to cope with existential dread, not let it paralyze us. That's life.

 

This is only an Internet forum. Personally, I've given you the best advice of which I'm capable, with all the caveats thereto, including I'm not a doctor, I'm not omniscient, and I can't fix people long-distance.

 

If you wish to pursue medical treatment, that's your decision. Yes, you might be put on a boatload of drugs, that's how these things go these days. Who knows, it could be just what you need. You pays your money and you makes your choice.

 

My sleep schedule is all over the place especially now that since you wrote this in March and it's now July, the world has drastically changed for the worst.  The very limited amount of things that I was able to do to cope with daily life were swept away completely.  Going to events like concerts and comedy shows and eating out were eliminated.  Cancel culture may have destroyed a lot of those things more than even if COVID-19 goes away.  And why is the word "racist" being thrown around like the world "hello" used to be?  My attempts to replace any fun things with "online challenges" only lasted so long before I started questioning the meaning of my existence and how we could possibly be in such an awful scenario in the year 2020.

 

I will finally be seeing the PSSD doctor at the end of the month unless COVID-19 and protests/riot increase to the point where the world shuts down again.  And the mere fact of going to see the PSSD doctor scares me.  Because more than half of my entire life has revolved around this and now I'm going to be hearing whether or not I can be helped or not.  And if help is possible, it usually takes a year to be fixed.  And if I cannot be fixed, then I have no idea how I will react.  I just find it pathetic that it is 2020 and we can have private companies perform space travel with no issues but we still have next to nothing to fix the damages caused to the human brain by psychiatric drugs.

 

And the hardest part of this is that I know there's a certain number of days left until I have to travel across the country to see the PSSD doctor.  And then there's going to be a certain number of days that I have to wait to see the PSSD doctor after I traveled.  And this time feels like an eternity because there's nothing that sitting in this tiny room in front of a computer or the TV can do to keep my mind calm.

 

Sorry for another edit, but there's something that I find extremely bothersome.  We all know that has a mental health movement going on for a very long time now.  Why is it that we cannot get any attention or donation money but with COVID-19 and BLM they can get so much attention and funding?  Psychiatric drugs and the mental health system affect everyone.  Why are we ignored and swept under the rug?  Don't you think a wise investment would be to actually try and invent methods and tools to detect chemical imbalances?  All sides will would win if such a test existed.  The status quo psychiatrists could say "yep, here's our proof finally that you have a chemical imbalance in your brain" and people who have been harmed by the drugs like myself and people on this forum can finally see the objective damages and then better drugs can be created to help people from there on out instead of using the complete garbage we have available.

[Altostrata]

You have misidentified the source of your symptoms.

 

On 2/28/2020 at 1:25 PM, Altostrata said:

PSSD is what happens after you go off psychiatric drugs. It does not apply to people who are taking psychiatric drugs. Sexual dysfunction is a common adverse effect of the drugs, and the way to relieve it is by reducing the drugs.

 

As long as you're taking psychiatric drugs, sexual dysfunction may be an adverse effect of the drugs. It is possible that if you reduced the drugs, sexual dysfunction would also be reduced.

 

It seems you might have a certain world view that excuses bigotry and amplifies racial resentment. We do not support that here. You are not a helpless victim, you've had the opportunity to make changes to help yourself and you have not taken them. Some of your problems are of your own making.

 

We've done all we can. We have no more advice to give you about your drug problems.

 

This topic is closed.