Newbies not understanding suffering (formerly CT or Rapid Taper Discussion)

[Frustrated]

I agree JDM1984 we do need each other. I have felt so alone and scared for months before I came across this site. Now I understand that i am still suffering withdrawls. I am so glad i have been able to chat with others who share my experience. It has been giving me some comfort and hope. Thanks to you all.

[Wildflower0214]

IMO it's easy to get frustrated and be misunderstood. I agree this can be helpful, if the meaning is understood.

Yes, I agree, it is meant to be helpful. Not a place for incessant negativity for no purpose. And it accomplished what I wanted it to, I'm so glad it helped you, and the mods just want it to be beneficial. I totally understand that. And, now that clarification has been made, I believe everyone is ok with it.

[Wildflower0214]

I agree JDM1984 we do need each other. I have felt so alone and scared for months before I came across this site. Now I understand that i am still suffering withdrawls. I am so glad i have been able to chat with others who share my experience. It has been giving me some comfort and hope. Thanks to you all.

Most welcome! This is our little corner of the world. We can always come right here and be understood. It's a haven. A place for crying, screaming, laughing, enduring, and rejoicing. It's a place for us to do that together. That's why I started this thread. I pray you sleep well.

[Wildflower0214]

 

Yes--I am 60... Lol. I keep being concerned that I am going backwards. I basically originally had one decent day and one bad day--alternating... Then a couple of decent days and a bad day, and I recently had a wave of almost a whole week... Don't know... Is there a particular point that most people tend to go backward... Or is there any pattern?[/quote

 

Windows and waves. typical.

[luv2knit]

Prayers for all, and hopes for a good night's sleep

[Wildflower0214]

Prayers for all, and hopes for a good night's sleep

Night ya'll. prayers.

[Wildflower0214]

Never mind. Awake. Sensations.

 

Pissed

[Wildflower0214]

Just realized, we are all five months off... How convenient for us. I got bad at about 3 months in. I'm hoping by Spring to feel a bit better, or to be having larger windows. I used to get distinct windows, now everything feels like a varient of bad. It's just in degrees. But grateful for the hours of lesser intensity for sure.

[luv2knit]

I am four months off, but three months into withdrawal symptoms. If your pattern applies to me, JDM, then I should probably fasten my seat belt for some more difficult times. Have already had that here and there. I've been somewhat falling back on the use of my sun lamp to keep my Vitamin D levels up (helps with depression), so I want to make sure I am staying with that. So far, most of my anxiety/depression occurs starting in the early morning hours (2:00 to 4:00), and either goes away fairly quickly or sometimes comes and goes throughout early to mid morning. Yes, I am awake at 4:00, but have slept fairly well thus far (with frequent waking), and hope to doze back off for a bit.

[Wildflower0214]

I am four months off, but three months into withdrawal symptoms. If your pattern applies to me, JDM, then I should probably fasten my seat belt for some more difficult times. Have already had that here and there. I've been somewhat falling back on the use of my sun lamp to keep my Vitamin D levels up (helps with depression), so I want to make sure I am staying with that. So far, most of my anxiety/depression occurs starting in the early morning hours (2:00 to 4:00), and either goes away fairly quickly or sometimes comes and goes throughout early to mid morning. Yes, I am awake at 4:00, but have slept fairly well thus far (with frequent waking), and hope to doze back off for a bit.

I'm surprised you can use a sunlamp. They can be stimulating. Glad you slept a bit. I slept from 11:30-2-30, then off and on till 6:30 I think. I'm going to have to try and add food. It's been 3 months almost on 14 items. And I react to everything I try. But I have to eat.

[luv2knit]

I had not heard that about the sun lamp. I had heard that about Vitamin D supplements, though, so I decided to half my oral Vitamin D and try to use the sun lamp more. I don't do tanning beds, but I do have a good home sun lamp, which helped me before get my D level up from 14 to 70. While 30 to 100 is "normal", over 50 is considered optimal. I have gone several days without it, when I had been doing it every day, except extremely bad days. It is a hassle, but I want to see if I can head off the panic/depression attacks. Now that you have warned me, I will be sure and watch for any ill effects. I had been including in my journal when I did it, and had stopped. I will start including it again. The key for me seems to be (most) anything I had been doing, I am OK with. Anything different gets me in trouble.

[Wildflower0214]

Well, it may be completely fine. I'm sure it is.

 

I'm overly excited because I ordered a weighted blanket. 16 pounds. Should be here Monday. I sleep with like 5 quilts to weigh me down. Helps with the floaty ungrounded feeling. So, this should help.

[luv2knit]

Yay! Hope it helps!

[Frustrated]

well I was five months off until I reinstated 1.3 mg.  I couldn't stand it anymore and I was having problems dealing with my three kids.  I know it isn't a huge amount but it still makes me mad that I couldn't just tough it out.  I figure with such a small amount my brain is still healing itself  big time because 1.3 mg won't disrupt the receptors to that huge a degree and they can still  heal themselves to a large degree.  I am praying that these symptoms will ease in the next month or so and I can taper off the tiny amount.  The intrusive thoughts and my obsessiveness over them was just too scary, although it has been a week on the reinstatement and they are still there.  UGH I am mad at myself.  

[luv2knit]

Don't be mad at yourself. You do what you need to. I was just more afraid of reinstating than I was of just trying to ride it out. I often wonder what would have happened if I had tried it, but more just curiosity than anything.

[Wildflower0214]

well I was five months off until I reinstated 1.3 mg. I couldn't stand it anymore and I was having problems dealing with my three kids. I know it isn't a huge amount but it still makes me mad that I couldn't just tough it out. I figure with such a small amount my brain is still healing itself big time because 1.3 mg won't disrupt the receptors to that huge a degree and they can still heal themselves to a large degree. I am praying that these symptoms will ease in the next month or so and I can taper off the tiny amount. The intrusive thoughts and my obsessiveness over them was just too scary, although it has been a week on the reinstatement and they are still there. UGH I am mad at myself.

Don't be. I hope it works. They can be very very difficult I know. I have had them in waves, and they are one of thre more difficult symptoms to deal with. I know. I hope they subside for you. From what I know, reinstatement can take a while, I'd give it a month. I bet it will get better.

[Wildflower0214]

Well, constipated again. I have to fix it, as it causes bladder issues. Ducolax.

 

Totally wish I could catch a break and not have to take something. Ever since I had to get my tooth numbed it has been not good, and I was already in a wave when I had the tooth fixed. I feel like I'm in a constant wave. I used to have distinct windows. Not so much anymore.

[Frustrated]

I have an appointment to go to the dentist in January. I will pray that I don't have any cavities. I am so sorry that having your tooth fixed has caused so many more problems. I don't seem to have distinct windows either. I always seem to be suffering something. I just want to curl up in the corner of the couch and not move for three months. I think I had an hour of peace all this week. Guess I should appreciate that hour.

[luv2knit]

I guess what I consider a "window" is just when my symptoms are somewhat better, as opposed to being at their worst. I will be happy when a "window" for me means relatively symptom free. Don't see that happening for a while, though. Hope we can all see that in the not-too-distant future!!

[Wildflower0214]

Me too. I have come to the conclusion that I may have to deal with WD for years. :-/ the most obnoxious thing is knowing after a while no one will believe me about it and will think Im just mentally ill.

[luv2knit]

Frustrating... I sometimes think I'm seeing small improvements, but then it seems like others start having more major issues at varying time frames. I have heard 4 months out, 6 months out, and 9 months. Idk if it's usually just one of these or all of them, and I'm sure everyone is different anyway. But, yeah--if a true window is relatively symptom free--yeah, I don't have any of those! I just call it a window compared to the recent week I had where my akathisia was ramped up unbearably high all day every day.

[Wildflower0214]

I got nailed at 3 months out from last dose. Then had halfway decent couple weeks, then nailed again and have stayed in that place. I am just a few days over 5 months.

[Frustrated]

I think my symptoms started to really amp up at the five month mark. I had them before but about two or three weeks ago they hit a new high. That is why I reinstated. Couldn't cope. Still can't really but I don't want to take any higher doses so I will have to learn to cope I guess. If I knew it would pass then come back at 7 months then go away then come back at 9 months that would be doable because you would get a break in between to heal a bit. But this constant every day crap is ridiculous. I hope I don't keep on this way for much longer.

[Wildflower0214]

My parents are in their late 60's and I have no one else. And I wonder what will happen to me. It scares me.

[LoveandLight]

I know JM this scares me also that I feel I just have my parents..but at least we have them just now eh? <3 I understand the fear.

[luv2knit]

So the 5-month mark "could" be problematic. I don't know how to count it, though.. from last dose, or from beginning of withdrawal symptoms. In my case, they are a month apart, but I tend to count from the beginning of withdrawal...

[Frustrated]

My mom is 68 and my dad is 70. I have a sister as well but she lives out of town and I don't really see her. I have three kids, one of which has issues and as such doesn't live here and I raise her daughter who is now 4. My other two are 14 and 17. I feel like I have alot on my plate with three kids at home and no support at all. My only friend has a brain tumor and has her own issues so I can't go to her either. I Have my kids I suppose but they are not in a position to help me. I feel alone as well with no family around and no friends. It is scary. I get that.

[Wildflower0214]

I know JM this scares me also that I feel I just have my parents..but at least we have them just now eh? <3 I understand the fear.

Yes. This fear comes and goes. I'm sure it's part of WD. I have been thinking of you a lot. Glad you found our little corner of the forum. Lol

 

I'm glad you said you were ok alone. I would not be. You must be very very strong. Proud of you.

[Frustrated]

So luv 2 knit you could technically count yourself at the five month mark then which is where I am at. I will continue to count from the end of June when I came off the Paxil even though I have reinstated a small dose becasue that is when my brain started without the drug. That is when the nightmare started.

[Wildflower0214]

So the 5-month mark "could" be problematic. I don't know how to count it, though.. from last dose, or from beginning of withdrawal symptoms. In my case, they are a month apart, but I tend to count from the beginning of withdrawal...

Ya maybe. I think it's all individual. My WD was always present. They tapered me too fast off Lexepro in Feb 2014 and I went into what I now know to be WD, which was followed by poly-drugging, (enter Ativan and CT switch from Lexepro to Effexor) then a bad reaction to Effexor in July, and subsequently my last dose of AD. So, Im actually at the 10 month mark of experiencing WD, I just had no idea what was happening to me until this last September. That's when I finally figured it out.

 

But, I start counting in July because that was the last dose of Effexor.

 

Actually, now that I know what I know. I was in "poop out" for about a year and a half before the attempted taper in Feb 2014, so I've felt like some degree of sh*t for almost 3 years. I just had no idea what was happening to me.

[Wildflower0214]

My mom is 68 and my dad is 70. I have a sister as well but she lives out of town and I don't really see her. I have three kids, one of which has issues and as such doesn't live here and I raise her daughter who is now 4. My other two are 14 and 17. I feel like I have alot on my plate with three kids at home and no support at all. My only friend has a brain tumor and has her own issues so I can't go to her either. I Have my kids I suppose but they are not in a position to help me. I feel alone as well with no family around and no friends. It is scary. I get that.

 

Yes. It is. Very scary. I try to not think about it. But on some days it is worse than others. Today it is more difficult. I love my parents so much and want to spend time with them and enjoy them, and they are having to deal with me in this state. And, I hate that. I love them more than life.

 

 

I also feel like I'm going through what seems to be a spiritual crisis, which I think has been going on for years. And now, it is difficult indeed to try and process all of this.

[Frustrated]

I think I need my spirituality right now. I do alot of praying. If I could just have peace of mind I think I could deal with the physical symptoms. The mental ninjas messing with my brain is what really tires me.

[luv2knit]

So luv 2 knit you could technically count yourself at the five month mark then which is where I am at. I will continue to count from the end of June when I came off the Paxil even though I have reinstated a small dose becasue that is when my brain started without the drug. That is when the nightmare started.

[luv2knit]

Yeah, that makes sense--when the brain started without the drug. Not that the exact time frame makes that much difference. I'm sure I am over thinking everything at this point. Thanks, Frustrated. My case actually should be pretty simple--withdrawing from one drug, and never having been on anything else--except for the fact I was on it for 20 years--for Chronic Fatigue, no less. That one still boggles my mind--both that the doctor actually did that--and that I let him. As I have said before though, I had no knowledge of withdrawal.

[Frustrated]

Haha I was put on for mild anxiety because of fibromyalgia. I was told it was a safe And effective medication. Ya right! Six years later and look where I am. I am way beyond fibromyalgia now.

[luv2knit]

So I clearly have not figured out how to quote your comments and comment on them on my phone. What can I say--I am mentally challenged right now. Yes, though, that makes sense, Frustrated... When the brain started without the drug. My case should be relatively simple--withdrawing from one drug, and never having been on others--but I was on it for 20 years--for Chronic Fatigue no less. Can't believe the doctor did this--can't believe I let him. As I said before, though, I had no knowledge of withdrawal