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☼ ang: help and confidence needed

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ang

Gave up antidepressants 4 months ago, using what I thought was a long and careful descent.  (I cut down over about three months I think, apologies still a bit muddled).

After reading your comments I now realise that it can take years, not months to reduce.  

 

I have no reason to be depressed  (apart from the loss of everything financial in my life, and guilt feelings, over that).  And realisations that my whole personality has been changed by these drugs for years now.   Must mean I am finally getting my brain back, which is promising.

 

I was not prepared for effects of the drugs and withdrawals to hit four months after stopping them.  I now anticipate a year to get better... But others say it can take a lot longer.

 

Can anyone advise me?  Will my symptoms get worse before they get better?  

 

I do feel it is now too late to start taking them again, as I know that starting over again can be horrific, been there, done that. Dont want to go down that path again.

 

I kept taking a small amount of seroquol, to help with the panic attacks.  I find now, even a tiny amount makes me terribly sleepy. Am taking St Johns Wort, Vit B, fish oil capsules, zinc.  And trying to eat eggs (for whatever is found in the egg yolk).  

 

I now think I need to give away the seroquol, as I have been taking small doses, very erratically, and I have no way of knowing if this is making things worse.  Seroquol always seemed fine for me, but now I wonder.

Edited by scallywag
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Petunia

Hi ang, welcome to SA and thank you for posting an introduction.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are having symptoms after stopping your AD four months ago.  Before we can offer some advice, we need a little more information.  What drug were you taking, what dose and how long were you on it?

 

Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature.  Putting a short version of your drug and tapering history in your signature helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts.  Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

 

It sounds like you have tried stopping medication previously and have had to reinstate, we need to know details of that too.  The more information we have about your drug history, the better we are able to offer support about what may help.

 

What symptoms are you having?  If you can be specific, that would help.  Is there a pattern to them, do you have better days and worse days?  Over the 4 months since stopping, would you say your symptoms have got better, got worse or stayed about the same?

 

Reinstatement of a small amount of the drug can often work well to alleviate withdrawal symptoms.  According to medical knowledge, reinstatement is the only way to alleviate withdrawal symptoms.  Reinstatement is best done immediately upon appearance of the symptoms. The more time that passes, the less likely it is to work.  Here is some information about reinstatement: 

 

http://survivinganti...rawal-symptoms/

 

At four months out, there is no guarantee that it will work, but after we have some more information, we may be able to help you decide if its something you would like to try.

 

How often have you been taking Seroquel?  If you have been taking it regularly, that will need to be tapered, if you are taking it occasionally to try and manage withdrawal symptoms, then you don't need to taper, but we do not support or recommend anyone take other drugs to handle antidepressant withdrawal, it may provide short term symptom relief, but in the long run it causes more problems with the recovery process.  When I came off Lexapro too fast, I didn't know I was suffering from withdrawal and spent over a year trying to manage my symptoms with other drugs, I ended up doing more damage and making my health much worse than it needed to be.  Three years later I'm still trying to recover.

 

There are healthier ways to manage symptoms as we recover.  Here is the link to our symptoms and self care section, especially read the topics pinned at the top.

 

We have found that St Johns Wort, for most people, makes withdrawal symptoms worse, also B vitamins can cause problems for some people in withdrawal.

 

Many people find  fish oil and magnesium helpful, see King of Supplements: Omega 3 Fatty Acids (Fish Oil) and Magnesium, Nature's Calcium Channel Blocker  I see you are already taking fish oil, that's good, most people find it helpful, but there are a few people who can't tolerate fish oil either.

 

Once you get back to us with more details about your drug history and situation, we will be in a better position to offer support and suggestions.  Please try not to worry, you will recover and we are here to support you as you do.

 

Petu.

Edited by cymbaltawithdrawal5600
fixed reinstatement link

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Rhiannon

I can't improve on Petu's excellent advice, but I want to welcome you to the forum. Hi!

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ang

* post moved from another member's intro thread

 

I have given up my meds 4 months ago, suddenly in the worst clutches of the withdrawals.  I did keep taking a small amount of seroquol.  Tried to give that up, but I cant.  I am considering taking 100mg each evening.  Any thoughts out there?

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ang

*post moved from success stories
 

 

does anyone know of anyone who could write their recovery story for this site I am sure we could all do with a happy ending!

I think I can.  But I am still recovering.  I believe I am a success story because I got my brain back, still addicted to seroquol, but coping. I am over the guilt, the anger, luckily got a son still at home who doesn't understand, but is a wonderful support.  He has gone to get takeaway, he has his licence now!  And luckily I trust him with my credit....  I think I trust him better than me using it the last few years.  Effexor was the worst, but luckily, perhaps, had to go back  on Zoloft to kick that, after a disastrous attempt to give up the effexor.  I have no reason to be depressed.  I live in Australia, finally got a disability support pension, got kids that I still see, and finally got a homeswest unit for my son and myself.  I was unemployable for a while.  Now got a small shop, but know I need time and space, so will maybe close for January, and if well enough reopen in February.I used to take a 100mg Seroquol every morning to get out of bed, so I didn't vomit. A friend arrived to take me to class (I decided to go back and study something)... So I reckon, going back on only 50mg of Seroquol to cope, is a pat on the back.  I have learnt to forgive myself, be kind to myself, and hopefully move on.  I lost everything with my addictions.  Except my self esteem.  Keep that, give yourself a pat on the back for even trying.

 

I agree, after going to this site after a disastrous attempt at giving up effexor (only to be given more tags as to my mental state)..... I live in a small town, now I am well enough to hear the gossip, that is all correct, I was crazy....   keep your self esteem, blame no body,  How can I blame my sister?  she convinced me I had an imbalance, so that she no longer felt bad? An imbalance in our genetics, that never ever existed.  I went out to spread the word, like a new cult.

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ang

* post moved from 'Best of SA' section
 

Petu on psychiatry
 
The last time I saw a health 'professional' was around January 2013, a few months before I found this site.  I had gone back to my doctor, thinking that I needed to try and get back on some kind of anti-depressant.  Around that time I tried Prozac, which made me feel intense anger and violence, along with worse existing symptoms.  Then I went back, thinking that going back onto Lexapro might help.  But the suicidal depression kicked in after 3 days.  I haven't been back since, I was so scared after that.
 
Finding this site and other information has helped me to learn the truth about what has happened to me (my nervous system), but at the same time, its made me angry and extremely distrustful of our whole medical system.  I've always felt like I was mostly responsible for my own health and considered my doctors to be my partners, someone to work 'with', but I believed they knew what they were doing regarding medications and I believed in our social systems and thought that everything was in place to take care of us as individuals.  Now I know the truth, that corporate interests are the basis of most things, not my health and welfare.
 
I doubt I would ever trust a psychiatrist again.  Thankfully I haven't needed to see a regular doctor during the past year or so, I'm not sure what I will do if I ever have to.  Mostly all they have are drugs, and I react badly to all of those now.  I don't do well with supplements either, so most alternative practitioners are dangerous for me too.
 
I don't trust health professionals now, very few of them understand what these drugs do to people long term, so why would I expose myself to their ignorance and risk getting talked into doing something else which would hurt me even more than I already am.  I'm sure many of them mean well, but they don't know the truth about what they are prescribing to people.
 
If I was still tapering and my doctor was being cooperative and still prescribing my meds, I probably wouldn't even tell him I was reducing.  When I stopped taking ADD meds, I just stopped, cancelled my next appointment and let myself be deregistered, which is what happens here in Australia, you have to be registered with the health department to legally take stimulant meds.  All the paperwork and management fees add up to about $700 a year, probably more now.
 
I no longer believe in psychiatry, the DSM or even that the majority of 'mental illness' really even exists.  I think that the way our societies have evolved over the last few hundred years have caused individuals to live increasingly stressful and unnatural lives, and this is what causes most of our problems, not illness caused by chemical imbalances.  I don't have any solutions, but I have found out the hard way that poisoning myself with toxic chemicals year after year has only made my problems worse.  I don't know what else to write, I just don't want you to make your situation even worse than it is. 
 
It doesn't matter what your psychiatrist believes about ADD and stimulant drugs, its business to him/her, you being a patient pays their bills and funds their vacations.  They probably don't see it like that, but that's the truth.  All a psychiatrist has is diagnosis and drugs.  So in order to keep you as a paying customer, you will get a diagnosis which then will keep you coming back for the treatment, which is drugs.
 
My ex-psychiatrist, who is one of the few adult ADD specialists here, now only goes into his city office twice a week, he does his other consultations from home via skype.  He refuses to let his patients pay their fees as they go, and insists on quarterly fees being automatically paid via direct debit, which are very hard to cancel once set up.  He's a nice enough person when you are with him, but the way he has his business set up, its obvious where his priorities are.  I expect that most psychiatrists are the same way.
 
Try and see it from the psychiatrist's perspective.  They only get paid if you continue to be their patient (customer), so they are going to do what they need to do to keep you in that role.  They have the DSM and a prescription pad to help them keep you coming back.  If they can use their tools to convince you that you are sick and they have a treatment, then they have another loyal customer.
 
I'm not sure if anyone has suggested you read 'Anatomy of an Epidemic', but it may help you to understand more.  Maybe I should have just answered your question with a few lines, but I'm feeling particularly awful at the moment and the thought that I may be able to do something to prevent you from harming yourself even more, by ranting a bit, has helped me to distract myself for a while.

Thankyou, I will read the book.  I know I should be attempting to do other things to keep my brain "in this moment".  But just too hard.
I will work out how to put my medical records down as soon as I can.
 
My history?  Minor breakdown  (ie drank too much to handle family stress, got sent to sister, sister introduced me to the psychiatrist).  Everyone knows what happens from there on in.
Dothiepin, high dose... and sister encouraging me to relax and drink wine.
3 months later it became toxic in me, had a fit, 3 weeks in hospital, physical symptoms.. migraine beyond.
Silly me, had it out of my system, went back to psychiatrist, apparently it was a "pre-existing manic" condition.  The drug did not "cause it", just exposed another underlying mental condition.
Zoloft.  Yep, all those sample packets in his cupboards, as it wasn't even available in the pharmacies yet.  Generous drug companies.  How sickening?
Eventually, accidentally fell pregnant, went off all meds, was fine.
After baby, the drug withdrawals hit, weird that, like all the pregnancy hormones covered it, miraculous the way the body works).  Anyone (female) tried taking hormones to help with withdrawals?
Doctor gave me a valium (even though I was breastfeeding a 6 week old baby).  Yes, first psychotic episode.   Thought it was all over the next day, but it rehits after 3 days, sent to mental hospital 450km from home without baby.
After uppers and downers, sent home on no drugs.  After 4 days, had to go back to original doc.  More drugs two or three this time.  Fell pregnant unexpectedly again, baby born serious heart defects and passed away at 3 days old.  
No meds, fell pregnant again, no meds
Baby was 1 year old, silly enough to see gp for exhaustion.  And being very thin. He gave me antipsychotics for exhaustion?
Up and down, all over the place, new psych.  Lucky me :) not.  Effexor, new and better drug.
Evil cause I thought I was well, but I was a different me, reckless with money, blamed my husband for previous problems, thought I finally got well enough to leave him.
So 8 years on, here I am.  Gave up the effexor, had such severe withdrawals, ended up hospitalised again  (Damn three or four hospital admissions)..that means I must be so unwell, have to stay on medication for at least another?  How long?
Went on Zoloft, Mirtazipine, doubled the Tegrotol...and some others I think.  But I was starting to wonder, why can things that are so  "non addictive", suddenly be so damn addictive.
So glad I never went on them till I was about 35.  I survived depression as a teenager, was doing well.  Everything was going well. At least I am so lucky, I still remember what the "real me" was.  Feel so sorry for young kids put on this stuff.
Anyhow 4 months off Everything, except for Seroquol.  The withdrawals did not hit for 4 months.  I know I can not go back now, too late.  I have to just pray and hope I will recover. Realising that I lost the real me for 10 years, is damn hard. 
Tried 25 mg of Seroquol last night, not enough, so suffering today.
Will stick to 50mg at 9.00pm at night, and hope I can get out of bed tomorrow.

Edited by Petu
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ang

* post moved from 'Best of SA' section
 

Alto on working while in withdrawal
 
 
 

You may find that working distracts you from how bad you feel. You'd be surprised, you can get by at work with a lot less brainpower than you think!


 
 
This in particular is so very true: You'd be surprised, you can get by at work with a lot less brainpower than you think! ;)

 

I am finding that extremely difficult, hoping I will stabilize on my 50m Seroquol.  Wish me luck getting out of bed tomorrow!  Find I am relying on alcohol, not a good thing, but at least trying to drink more water than wine.  Any ideas out there?  It was the Effexor that caused the drinking.  Was coffee in the morining (10 or so cups), wine in the afternoon.  My poor body, my poor brain!

Edited by Petu
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WinningThrough

Hi Ang

 

I saw your question on Petu's thread and think it was for me as I have augmentin in my signature?

 

You wrote:

 

'What does augmentin cause?  Please advise?  My daughter was on a big dose of that for 10 years.  Luckily she has managed to fight that she is not depressed.  Luckily after only short courses on SSRIs she gave up and now is well.  A gp prescribed SSRIs for her, as she was constantly getting ill and her white cell count was up?  Now I read SSRis reduce white cell counts, hahah, doesn't make you well, just makes you fit into the statistics...  Hope she will become my best support.'

 

Did your daughter become depressed on augmentin?

 

Augmentin gave me quite a reaction. Within a couple of hours of taking it I became highly agitated and was pacing around the house. I got the worst nausea I'd ever had in my life and was very hot. It was nasty. After that I was unwell for a few weeks and was getting agitated a lot and had derealisation, terror etc. I also felt normal some of the time. That's what, unfortunately, led me to SSRIs, making me far worse. I'm very glad your daughter is now well.

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ang

Thanks Alex and mogfish.  Good to hear that sufferer's are healing and feeling better.

I gave up antidepressants when pregnant.  ASAP as that was the initial problem for my depression.  All fine, until baby was born, 6 weeks later the withdrawals set in.  To me, it is like the body is so wonderful protecting and nurturing that baby inside, protective happy hormones...  So if you give up while pregnant, be prepared for the withdrawal symptoms directly after birth.  Not a recurrance of depression... like why would I be depressed, I got a lovely baby?  Be prepared, seek support.

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ang

Just to say that if you give up during pregnancy, it is like a little "time gap"  when everything is fine from happy hormones of pregnancy.  Do not fear giving them up LIKE NOW if you think you are pregnant.  But after the birth, it is like the time warp of happiness ends, so be prepared for withdrawal syndrome after 4 weeks, Get backup, get help, get support, all ready.  My ex just buggared off, and left me with the lot, as I had coped before?  You will not cope, this time.

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ang

Oh forgot to mention, a friend introduced me to internet type games today....., I found soduku a bit challenging, as I find it so frustrating that I used to be so clever at maths, now hopeless  :) so went for a thing on fb called cant think, brain drain... but it actually helps me focus on the present.  Try some of these.  they are really addictive  :)  haha.. but they are fun, and train your brain, and they are free.  Mahjong jungle or something.

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ang

I would like to contribute to this, but not sure how to go about it. I have already told my story in my introduction and it is a recovery story. But, would describing how I got my life together be of use? I mean I literally went from being jobless and homeless from ADs and WD to moving 1,000 miles to a new city, rebuilding a career, settling an enormous tax debt and getting married, all while dealing with the shame and a lot of PSTD? Would that be something people would like to read - a sort of roadmap to reclaiming your life? Would I just place my story as a link in the beginning? Or should my intro just be moved and I could add an addendum with the roadmap I used? If anyone has any feedback let me know.

Thankyou so, so much... I was jobless and homeless... does that doesn't it?  Well done, and thankyou for sharing.  I never killed anyone, did anything very wrong, but was an arrogant a**ehole, on effexor, I believe, not the true me..........now feeling better..... got my brain back......at least now my poor suffering son has a home.... stupid financial decisions, being overly confident, when I shouldnt have been?  Yes the SHAME is the hardest.  Well done, wish you well.

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ang

* post moved from 'CBT techniques' topic

 

I have no hair on my legs or armpits (think of the good side of antidepressants:) ).  but tonight I have found so much new hair growth on my head, like wow... I didn't know why I lost so much hair every time I brushed my hair.  It is growing back!  wonderful sign.  May be silly, but my body is recovering, hope the mind follows :)

Edited by Petu
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Petunia

Ang,

I moved some of your posts from another section to your own thread here. If your post is about your own situation, asking for advice or updating your own information with details related to your progress, putting it in your own thread is best because it keeps all your information in one place and alerts others that there has been an update.

 

Please use this thread as your ongoing journal to track progress and communicate with the community, add to it whenever you want.

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ang

Thankyou so, so much for sorting out my thread. Hope you can sort out my head too :).   Palmerston suggested I admit myself to hospital, but that of course, means they just balance me with more medication. "ie give me a break???"""   Don't want that.  I am sleeping OK, eating OK, trying to drink less wine, not sure if that will help?  Didn't make it outside today, just watching lots of tv.

I will try harder tomorrow.  Not so many tears last two days.  Have a very wonderful 17 year old son, he has been a great support to me, and I am only now realising this.

 

Basically my medications have been:

 

Guessing some dates here:

 

Depression for about 12 months as a teenager.  Shook it off, no drugs, and moved on in life. 1975.

 

1994 major stress.....  bad marriage....couldn't get out of bed, sent to my sisters, well away from the embarrassment of my husband, no doubt.  She introduced me to her doc, convinced me I had a genetic "imbalance"...  of course, as she did too???  She wanted justification for her own problems (dont get me wrong, I love her to bits....  she has long since given up any hope of getting off her meds  and of course, is finally probably questioning that old line "they are not addictive").  

 

Dothiepin 375 mg? Temazepam x 1 night.   1994.  After about 8 weeks had mania and seizure, 3 weeks in hospital with a massive migraine.

Seemed well, but for some silly reason went back to original doc. ??

 

Zoloft x 50mg? 1994-1995.  They were sample packets, as was not available in WA pharmacies then. Think Tegretol was added.  Was told Dothiepin did not cause the mania. Was told I overdosed accidentally, but I do not think I did.  Stopped meds when I found out I was pregnant. 

 

After baby was born, suffered what they said was "post natal depression with mania". Was in a bad domestic situation, husband solved the issue by working away, had three kids then. 

Couldn't sleep, neighbour gave me a valium (I think), then trip to hospital, doctor gave me another valium.  Psychosis.

 

Sent to mental institution for 3 weeks, uppers and downers, horrific experience, can never go through that again. Nearly died a couple of times, but luckily they found me and gave me reversal drugs for the drugs that I had such a bad reaction to... Haloperidol, heaps of stuff, I actually demanded my hospital records.  A lot of the medication records are not clear, so they are not really sure what they gave me.   In a locked ward as there was no other empty beds, and the psych also ran the mother and baby ward.  Took me three weeks to finally make it into the mother and baby ward.  Never been suicidal, so they threw me out to every other ward there happened to be a bed in after about 3 days.

 

Sent home a mess, no medication, back to same domestic situation. No public health docs available for 6 weeks, couldn't eat, sleep or function.  No choice, Went back to original doc, think I was put back on zoloft, and 2 x temazepam, 

Fell pregnant, very very unexpectedly.  Husband didn't want the baby. Didn't give up meds quick enough, baby died at 3 days old due congenital heart defect. 1996. Stayed off meds. 

Baby born 1997, four kids now. 

When baby was one year old, was silly enough to go to the gp, with exhaustion.  Gave me an antipsychotic and something else (didn't know that then).  Psychosis.  Hyperactivity, crying, a real mess.  Couldnt go back to original psych, he had bolted overseas  :),  anyhow went to someone he recommended.

1999 Effexor,  350???  not sure tegretol 2 x 100mg?, seroquol 25mg, temazepam too I think, not sure.

200-2012  Effexor, Seroquol tegretol as above.  Developed extremely high blood pressure, bad lft tests.

Attempted to give up all slowly over about 5 weeks, I think.  Felt like I was over the worst of it, but took 25% of a damn valium tablet, oh, horrible.  Couldn't stop running, everywhere! Overnight in local psych ward. Talked my way out of there!    

2013-2014 May? Zoloft 100mg  Seroquel, Mirtazipine  (think I only took this while I was really suffering, as the doc said "rocket fuel", Tegretol x 2 (100mg tablets, I think). By end of 2013 I needed 100mg of Seroquol so I could get up and out of the house (stopped the vomiting).

May began my silly journey to attempt to get healthy..  Gave up slowly over a couple of months, didn't realise how hard it would be. Still taking small 25mg of Seroquol when needed.

 

December 4? First bit of stress, I crumbled. Got my brain back though, realised I had been handling money very badly. I am hanging in there, but took the advice of this site to reintroduce a steady level of the last drug I gave up.  25 mg is too low, wake up with panic attacks.  50mg OK, taken last two nights. Wake up 2.00am  with panic attack, but able to resume sleeping until a reasonable hour.

 

I dont want to go back on the Zoloft, as I am worried it will make me worse for the three or four weeks it takes to kick in, if it does at all. And I have never ever liked drugs... so not sure how a non drinking, non smoking lady like me has ended up so addicted.

 

So surviving at the moment, being kind to myself, not pushing myself to do anything. am sleeping, eating OK.  Can still distract myself watching tv.  Not comotose, thank god.

 

Will I get worse?  Have to wait and see.

Please feel free to edit this post, as I am saying way too much irrelevant stuff.

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Frustrated

Nothing that you are saying is irrelevant.  If it is important to you it is relevant.  I am not in a position to give advice.  I am simply another mother going through withdrawals and trying to survive it.  Just wanted to chime in and say hello.  I think having children at home that depend on you makes the journey of withdrawal and coming off the meds that much harder.  Some days I don't want to get out of bed but I have to get the kids up and ready for school so I have no choice.  This journey is unpredictable but many have become med free and I believe it is possible.  Keep fighting.  

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Petunia
 Still taking small 25mg of Seroquol when needed.

 

 

Seroquel is not like aspirin, you need to take it regularly or not at all.  It needs to be taken at the same dose at the same time every day in order to keep it level in your body. Is seroquel the only drug you are taking at the moment?

 

Was Zoloft the last drug you stopped taking?  What dose were you on, how long were you taking it, when did you stop?  Did you taper or stop cold turkey?

 

You may be having withdrawal symptoms from stopping Zoloft too fast.  If this is what's happening, then reinstating a small amount can sometimes help to reduce symptoms.  Then when the nervous system has had a chance to stabilize, usually several months, a proper, safe taper can be started. If you answer my questions about Zoloft, above, then it will make it more clear if this is what's happening.

 

Please read through:

The rule of 3KIS: Keep it simple. Keep it slow. Keep it stable.

 

...Thus, the nervous system does best in a stable environment. Help your nervous system adapt to life without drugs by maintaining as much stability as you can. This is the way you can take care of yourself and help your nervous system to recover. We are our own worst enemies when it comes to stressing our nervous systems! Examples:

 

3.a. Do not suddenly quit taking your drugs. Do not skip doses to taper. These big, fast changes are the opposite of providing stability for your nervous system. Skipping doses causes the amount of the drug in your bloodstream to go up and down. Do not do this for any psychiatric drug.

 

3.b. Avoid binges. Even if you had no problems with them before, avoid overindulgence in alcohol, food, partying, sugar, staying up late, even exercise. All of these put the body and the nervous system under stress.

 

 

... trying to drink less wine, not sure if that will help?

 

Yes, this is good, many people find they are unable to tolerate alcohol at all while going through withdrawal and give it up completely.

 

If you could put a short version of your drug history in your signature that would make it easier for members to see your situation when replying to your posts  Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

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ang

Hi Ang

 

I saw your question on Petu's thread and think it was for me as I have augmentin in my signature?

 

You wrote:

 

'What does augmentin cause?  Please advise?  My daughter was on a big dose of that for 10 years.  Luckily she has managed to fight that she is not depressed.  Luckily after only short courses on SSRIs she gave up and now is well.  A gp prescribed SSRIs for her, as she was constantly getting ill and her white cell count was up?  Now I read SSRis reduce white cell counts, hahah, doesn't make you well, just makes you fit into the statistics...  Hope she will become my best support.'

 

Did your daughter become depressed on augmentin?

 

Augmentin gave me quite a reaction. Within a couple of hours of taking it I became highly agitated and was pacing around the house. I got the worst nausea I'd ever had in my life and was very hot. It was nasty. After that I was unwell for a few weeks and was getting agitated a lot and had derealisation, terror etc. I also felt normal some of the time. That's what, unfortunately, led me to SSRIs, making me far worse. I'm very glad your daughter is now well.

After Augmentin, and probably in hindsight, during it.....she had depression, but we had not choice she had osteomyelitis, that took 12 months to be correctly diagnosed. She also had severely blocked sinuses (covered up by years on Augmentin, so they never got infected.).  Turns out the severe migraines were not a symptom of depression at all (even the neuro doctor put her on antidepressants, omg...  never even did a cxt scan).  Finally a GP did a simple cxt scan of her... yes the truth was revealed. She had an operation to clear out all the sinuses that are spread right thoughout the face, headaches gone.  So sad, that because I suffered depression, all of a sudden she must too, without even looking for physical concrete reasons why she was having severe headache, all day every day.  Luckily I got her grades upped  (she could not sit the exams all the way through).  She was taking overdoes of panadol every day.  She now is a mother of five, and a teacher. So glad we both fought against a ridiculous diagnosis.  Just last year the doc put her on two weeks of antidepressants (which I said was crazy)..   :( because he white cell count was high and she was constantly sick ...isn't everyone who has five young kids? Besides probably her osteomyelitis flaring up, who knows?  The doc is crazy, now I have read that a side effect of AD is lowering of white cell count.  OMG, doesn't fix it, but does put you in the "correct statistical average".  She had to try twice to give the damn things up, after only the two week trial. She couldn't sleep.  She is OK now.  Back into her fitness regime!

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ang

Having a better day today.  Changing my life to reduce my stress, so feel more encouraged about a future. So I guess I am changing my whole attitude, I come first.  I DO NOT have to do what I do not want to do. Had two and half glasses of red wine, spaced over the evening, last night and it has made a big different to how I woke up this morning. Was drinking at least a bottle of wine each night previously.  Didn't want to stop the wine suddenly.  On 50mg Seroquol at 8.30pm each night.  That is all.

 

Was previously on Zoloft 100mg.  400mg Seroquol  (omg?). 400mg Tegretol, Mirtazipine when needed, as a fallout from not giving up the Effexor slow enough.  I was actually on effexor for about 8 years.  Previous to that, I had not been on any medication for about six years.   

 

I remember being put on incorrect tablets, by gp 15 years ago, and managed to discharge myself from hospital, and cut down everything over 3 weeks.  Was a bumpy ride, but I did it. But in that case I had only been on the tablets for a week.

 

I have been in a hospital years before that, side effect of a valium tablet, 3 weeks on uppers and downers, that was horrible. 

 

So far, this is not as bad, and today has given me hope.

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Petunia

I'm happy to hear you are feeling better ang.  You have done well to get off all those drugs.

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ang

Had a much better day today.  I went in to work for a few hours, and actually focussed on a few things.  I still feel nauseas (sorry for bad spelling, just dead brain syndrome  :) ), feel hot like I have the flu, stuffy nose, feel like my heart is a brick, and about to have a heart attack, scabs all through my hair and face, from scratching, red eyes, but despite all that happily feel quite calm.

On the good side of things also, every day now, I suddenly get surges of happy hormones, like when you exercise and suddenly get get a wave of positive energy... it is like a thirty second massage all over.  I havent felt that in 20 years. Easy to stick to two glasses of wine.  So the panic over me being a permanent alcoholic is over  (Was just the effexor, making me drink). My son is great, wants me to clean up.... maybe tomorrow.  I am actually cooking dinner most nights, havent done that for years either.  Lets hope I have a good one tomorrow... Still learning how to use the site. 

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ang

And my son just reminded me that Christmas is next Thursday... oh gosh!   So Merry Christmas everyone.....  

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ang

Endorphins, I remembered.  And finally listening to beautiful music and lyrics, love those endorphins, like a free 30 second massage, starts at the toes, and flows all over me.

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ang

 

 

 

It sounds to me like 12.5 mg Seroquel causes a paradoxical reaction for you. It causes you to sleep so deeply, your nervous system wakes you up because it senses something going wrong.

 

Hi. Thank you for your response.

 

Can a medication turn paradoxal after you've been on it for years?  Do other people have similar problems coming off of Seroquel?

 

Thank you.

 

Shep

 

I am having more problems than I thought, now all the other drugs are out of my system seroquol is having a confusing effect on me.  Had to go to 50mg, to sleep, but wake up with a sort of rebounding anxiety.  25 mg was no good, woke up after 4 hours with panic attack.  Will try and stabilize on the 50mg.  Today I can actually get out of the house.  A good day.

 

 

Hi, ang.

 

How long were you on Seroquel? Are you having a hard time coming off?

 

I've been on it for about 6 years, but I've taken other antipsychotics for about 30 years. I'm finding Seroquel to be the hardest one to come off but I think it's because I'm using it to sleep. 

 

I'm glad you're having a good day. 

 

 

 

Shep

 

 

 

Was on effexor (high dose), 25mg zoloft and 400mg Tegretol.  Tried to give them up too quickly, did a dive. (2 years ago).... Managed to survive the fall, but ended up on Zoloft  100?,  400mg Seroquol (as a gp said, oh you can takes lots more of that, 25mg is so low),   400mg tegretol.  Tried to swap to lithium, absolute disaster. I always swore I would never take lithium, after seeing the errects of it on a patient (I worked in Pathology, so should have known not to take anything, but damn those psychs are convincing, especially when glorified by other family members).....More stable housing, thought problems were over depression wise, so gave all up over 4 months.  4 months later WD set in, finally got my old brain back (been missing for 20 years), joined this site.   Anyhow, the one drug I had been taking "as required" was seroquol, so reinstated that.  Had been taking 25mg when required.  Seem stabilized on 50mg ...... so have to stay on that and hope that being able to eat enough, sleep enough, and survive each day will get me thru to the next step, cutting out the seroquol.  I will need to find a chemist to mix smaller doses for me, but I am too scared to try for a couple of months, at least.  The stomach has settled, the neausea less, find I fall asleep, wake up four hours later with panic, go back to sleep quickly, have a weird dream, wake up.  So my sleep is still very disturbed, but OK. An hour after waking up I feel tired.  This has only happened last couple of days after the weird dreams.

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ang

 

 

 

 

It sounds to me like 12.5 mg Seroquel causes a paradoxical reaction for you. It causes you to sleep so deeply, your nervous system wakes you up because it senses something going wrong.

 

Hi. Thank you for your response.

 

Can a medication turn paradoxal after you've been on it for years?  Do other people have similar problems coming off of Seroquel?

 

Thank you.

 

Shep

 

I am having more problems than I thought, now all the other drugs are out of my system seroquol is having a confusing effect on me.  Had to go to 50mg, to sleep, but wake up with a sort of rebounding anxiety.  25 mg was no good, woke up after 4 hours with panic attack.  Will try and stabilize on the 50mg.  Today I can actually get out of the house.  A good day.

 

 

Hi, ang.

 

How long were you on Seroquel? Are you having a hard time coming off?

 

I've been on it for about 6 years, but I've taken other antipsychotics for about 30 years. I'm finding Seroquel to be the hardest one to come off but I think it's because I'm using it to sleep. 

 

I'm glad you're having a good day. 

 

 

 

Shep

 

 

 

Was on effexor (high dose), 25mg zoloft and 400mg Tegretol.  Tried to give them up too quickly, did a dive. (2 years ago).... Managed to survive the fall, but ended up on Zoloft  100?,  400mg Seroquol (as a gp said, oh you can takes lots more of that, 25mg is so low),   400mg tegretol.  Tried to swap to lithium, absolute disaster. I always swore I would never take lithium, after seeing the errects of it on a patient (I worked in Pathology, so should have known not to take anything, but damn those psychs are convincing, especially when glorified by other family members).....More stable housing, thought problems were over depression wise, so gave all up over 4 months.  4 months later WD set in, finally got my old brain back (been missing for 20 years), joined this site.   Anyhow, the one drug I had been taking "as required" was seroquol, so reinstated that.  Had been taking 25mg when required.  Seem stabilized on 50mg ...... so have to stay on that and hope that being able to eat enough, sleep enough, and survive each day will get me thru to the next step, cutting out the seroquol.  I will need to find a chemist to mix smaller doses for me, but I am too scared to try for a couple of months, at least.  The stomach has settled, the neausea less, find I fall asleep, wake up four hours later with panic, go back to sleep quickly, have a weird dream, wake up.  So my sleep is still very disturbed, but OK. An hour after waking up I feel tired.  This has only happened last couple of days after the weird dreams.

 

Sorry thats not right (first line replace zoloft with seroquol).             Next step on:  zoloft and everything, also added mirtazipine.  I am not sure how long I took that for, may have been a months or so....

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btdt

 

I would like to contribute to this, but not sure how to go about it. I have already told my story in my introduction and it is a recovery story. But, would describing how I got my life together be of use? I mean I literally went from being jobless and homeless from ADs and WD to moving 1,000 miles to a new city, rebuilding a career, settling an enormous tax debt and getting married, all while dealing with the shame and a lot of PSTD? Would that be something people would like to read - a sort of roadmap to reclaiming your life? Would I just place my story as a link in the beginning? Or should my intro just be moved and I could add an addendum with the roadmap I used? If anyone has any feedback let me know.

Thankyou so, so much... I was jobless and homeless... does that doesn't it?  Well done, and thankyou for sharing.  I never killed anyone, did anything very wrong, but was an arrogant a**ehole, on effexor, I believe, not the true me..........now feeling better..... got my brain back......at least now my poor suffering son has a home.... stupid financial decisions, being overly confident, when I shouldnt have been?  Yes the SHAME is the hardest.  Well done, wish you well.

 

Just want to say Effexor did that to me too.... found myself in a homeless shelter at one point ..... arrogant a**ehole too... it is the drug I had a complete life change after taking and woke up one day a stranger... still have an identify crisis going on. 

I hope your well Ang I somehow missed you intro. our stories about Effexor are very close in details...

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ang

 

 

Did your daughter become depressed on augmentin?

 

Augmentin gave me quite a reaction. Within a couple of hours of taking it I became highly agitated and was pacing around the house. I got the worst nausea I'd ever had in my life and was very hot. It was nasty. After that I was unwell for a few weeks and was getting agitated a lot and had derealisation, terror etc. I also felt normal some of the time. That's what, unfortunately, led me to SSRIs, making me far worse. I'm very glad your daughter is now well.

 

I think it probably did. (made her depressed)... At the time doctors put her on antidepressants, which made everything worse, so she stopped taking them. She was on adult dose of augmentin for about age 9 to 15. And other drugs to stop the nausea, and stuff... It is nice now that she is nearly 30, and I am meeting the real person...... has made her a very, very strong person. A doctor misdiagnosed her she had osteomyelitis, and antibiotics were not given soon enough, thus 9 operations and all those years on augmentin.

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ang

 

I would like to contribute to this, but not sure how to go about it. I have already told my story in my introduction and it is a recovery story. But, would describing how I got my life together be of use? I mean I literally went from being jobless and homeless from ADs and WD to moving 1,000 miles to a new city, rebuilding a career, settling an enormous tax debt and getting married, all while dealing with the shame and a lot of PSTD? Would that be something people would like to read - a sort of roadmap to reclaiming your life? Would I just place my story as a link in the beginning? Or should my intro just be moved and I could add an addendum with the roadmap I used? If anyone has any feedback let me know.

Thankyou so, so much... I was jobless and homeless... does that doesn't it?  Well done, and thankyou for sharing.  I never killed anyone, did anything very wrong, but was an arrogant a**ehole, on effexor, I believe, not the true me..........now feeling better..... got my brain back......at least now my poor suffering son has a home.... stupid financial decisions, being overly confident, when I shouldnt have been?  Yes the SHAME is the hardest.  Well done, wish

 

you well.

 

Where can I read your survival story?

 

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ang

50mg Seroquol, 50mg tegretol last night.

Am up and out of bed today, a good sign, will get out of the house this afternoon, as I have some things I HAVE to do.....

will stick with this drug amount until I get over the shame and guilt of my behaviour while all those years on effexor.

 

I have made an appointment with a gp. Is this a good idea? I am terrified of seeing a doctor, but my drivers licence says I have to take "medication as prescribed by the doctor" So I better find a doctor, who knows what I have prescribed myself.

 

I feel more confident that I do not need to go back on the zoloft,( And I have no scripts left for that anyway. ) and the mirtazipine. I am glad I am finally clean off the SSRIs.

 

I managed a half hour walk around the neighbourhood yesterday. I haven't done that since before effexor, 10 years ago.

 

It is torturous getting my brain back, realising how stupid I have been previously, under the influence of these drugs.

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btdt

Do your best to not kick yourself it is going to slowly dawn on you that it was not all your fault... I am not sure if it is a coincidence that so many of the people who had a fallout with Effexor just like you and I had...or if all these drugs are just as apt to cause it.  All I know is for me most of the people I find that had this complete fall from grace or so it seems had taken Effexor a few have been on other drugs.  It could be that I was on an effexor site for years ... sorry the site is now deleted. You are not any more stupid on effexor than I was I sold a house and did not know I had sold it beat that one I have others... but in service of my fragile ego we will let the other rest in there comfy little beds lined with satin... :) yes I put them some place nice they did not know they were bad... hahaha they just wanted to live... actually they are part of me and part of my life and tho I did not plan it they are part of my story which I am trying to honor as I learn to honor myself and all I have been thru... this is hard when in withdrawal.  I think withdrawal is actually the reason I need to do it I was so terribly hard on me... so were the drugs hard on me... and I deserve a break now... cause I said so. So do you please try to be kind to yourself there will be time later to sort things out as you go. 

 

I guess if you want to drive you have to find a doctor who will stand up for you.  I hope he does not give you a hard time.  Others on here who are better at this may help if you ask them... I suck with doctors. 

 

It is a struggle but getting your brain back is getting yourself back.. there is nothing like it to give you incentive.  A taste just makes you want more if only there were not waves if only wanting and hard work were enough like they American dream... both can't be had that easy there are other variables so be patient with yourself it will take some time. 

 

Walking is good so what has changed in 10 years :) 

 

Wishing you peace Merry Christmas... 

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ang

so, so damn hard.

 

Had a 50% day today., handled lots of stuff.

 

My son who lives far away send me a big hug on the phone every night. But then questions, more questions. Yes he is moving nearby, from a long way away.

so the reality? He is just seeing if I am sane enough so he can send his kids to me after school, ie wants a babysitter. So, so devastated, but not surprised, he and his wife have a reputation for this...

 

so so upset, and so, so upset I sent him a nasty phone message back, I di apologise and I told him YET again, I am not well.

 

So sick of users, and when it is my big number one son, so devastated.

 

I really thougght he understood, like what happens if you go cold turkey, cut down by 1% every night, there are now no roadblocks only obstacles.. What a load of bullsh*t, he just wants a free babysitter, and I dont even know these grandkids, they live so far away.

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ang

Anyhow I had a good day, so will not dwell on other stuff... I am sticking to the seroquol and temazepam... same time every night, and I am sleeping, wake up half way thru the night with panic attack, but I know and am confident it will pass, and it does, and I sleep again. sometimes have horrific dreams during second sleep. find it hard to shake off when i wake up. I know people write horrific stuff on their timelines, but it doesnt discourage me know, just makes me feel grateful I am not suffering as much as them, how cruel that sounds, but i am grateful. Yes this afternoon my daughter dropped off her dog for me to dogsit, while she went to her dad's to stay with her family. Now I got my brain back, the dog was horrific, I dropped the dog back to her... so I am doing well, Just hate feeling damn guilty about everything, but learning to forgive myself.

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tgirl

Dear Ang,

I too have thone Terrable dreams. They suck!

Hope you are well!

Tgirl

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ang

I actually had a bloody wonderful day today. I gave myself space to "shut out the noises and stress" in my head. I got out and about, with my kids, and grandkids, they sort of understand. So grateful for one good day. One good day, gives me confidence for the future. It will get better. But I treat myself kindly. I can even read a novel! Havent done that for damn 10 years on this stuff...I am very happily finding the old me, but am not pushing myself.. I feel so damn guilty, so damn stressed, so damn everything, but I now know it will get better.

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Altostrata

Good to hear, ang, that's a window for sure.

 

I merged your post with your Intro topic. Only one topic to a person in the Intro forum. Please put all updates and news about your condition in this topic.

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ang

I have realised a few others, as my sister (out of 6 siblings), also was on AD way before me. Others in extended family not on anything.

 

So... both have scarring on our necks (looks like we have had bad acne)..white blotches all over the natural skin tanning.

I have broken capillaries over my face, whatever that is called, put on weight,

I have had constant ear problems (water in the ears?),I never recognised that one, but found that link through readings, and references from this site.

swollen fingers and legs,

scabby scalp, and itching blemishes on my face.

Nice to realise why my eyes have suddenly become so dry and sore (WD)...

High blood pressure, and heading towards diabetes. Now much improved... high blood pressure miraculously disappeared.

I also had chronic pain in my left shoulder, neck, subsiding with the WD. Wasn't a strain or anything after all.

Feel hot and cold at the same time, ie inability to fully regulate my body temperature, is improving. Racing heartbeat for no reason, now improving.

 

But the weirdest? I smelled differently on effexor, I didn't notice it, but my family could no longer stand the smell of me. Another sister gave me body spray, and when I asked, she was honest, I stank! Never had that problem before effexor. Awfully hard on a partner, when you stink. One of my own sons, couldn't come close to me. I have actually noticed that is improving, I no longer stink.... that is how I can describe it...

And snoring. That has stopped. Taste of lead in my mouth, gone. Taste is still adjusting. Oh, trying to kiss someone with lead mouth agghhh! Hope I get a chance to try out my kissing skills again sometime! :) I still drink, so it wasnt the alcohol causing my snoring at all. Will give up the alcohol later.... too hard to do everything, all at once.

Eyesight is improving, fuzzziness comes and goes, no longer need the magnifying glasses I had to purchase.

 

Before 35 (before AD), I had none of these things....I was fit, healthy active.

 

No one else in my extended family has any of the symptoms my sister and I (on AD , have) All fit and healthy. Nothing hereditary at all. Sister is on different AD than I was on... and I rarely see her, if ever. She lives a long way away.

 

Other side effects people have would be appreciated, if people can list them, oh damn getting all hot with the flu again. :)

I am alive! And grateful.

 

Oh sorry for getting off the track. :) Trying to stop my ramblings, and stick to helpful stuff.

 

Thank you

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