success ☼ ang: help and confidence needed

[ang]

I am just taking zoloft 2.4 mg day....... and 3000mg fish oil   and 50mg seroquol  and wine.

 

Just been on those AD so long,  the SSri  and SNri  effexor, was the killer of my personailty, the real me..........    then 18 months on zolft.  10 years probably total.  Was so drugged, thought I was doin so well.   I will have a hard slog trying to rebalance my brain..

 

The Norephidrine reuptake inhibor,  makes more norephidrine... so for 8 damn years I been flyin..... all that extra stuff to get me up and moving,  yes my brain has adjusted, so I think not surprising I now have 0 energy,  2%motivation.

 

The hardest bit is rediscovering my real personality, getting it back after 10 years, realising it wasnt me for the last 10 years....   it was my effexor personality, the semi manic, try everything, succeed at nothing, spend lots, personality, the divorce the husband, it is everyone else causing my depression..... when it was just my effexor personality.

 

I now have my personality back, they shy, generous, reliable, thinker, but I have no energy, no motivation.............

 

 

......

[ang]

I am screaming inside, yet sit here, on my computer.   I cry, I feel a failure, but most of all I want to write.  Hope my writings help

Images from the Other Side.  Voices in My Head.

Dedicated to Liz  (died due to Shock Treatment), many years later.  RIP lovely young lady.

(And the one that escaped his personal hell, in this Asylum, through the gift of a slightly open window).

 

 

They looked deeply concerned, as they stood next to each other, almost like identical co-joined twins.  They leaned forward together, tipped their heads together, and had the same identical puzzled expressions.

"WHAT on earth is wrong with you?"  they said, almost as if one fuzzy vision was speaking, but the words came only from Carol's mouth.

Amongst my fuzzy grey matter, I was shocked....what?  It took only a moment, or two, or maybe three or four?  I don't know?............ for their words to penetrate, but I just had no way of responding.  The words were there, but my mouth just would not move, not the way my mind wanted it to, anyway.  I tried, but the words were not recognisable as my own.

So we stood together in that lonely cold corridor, all three of us, almost in a timeless void.  While I rambled incoherently.  Two doors locked behind me, one door locked in front of me, yet behind these strange people.

That door led to the outside sunshine, and an exercise bike.  I  longed for that exercise bike, and the privilege of getting rid of all my useless energy, so I could relax, exhausted. I wished I was a smoker, then I could request to go outside to that razor wired enclosure, with it's little gazebo and green grass.  And the staff liked that too, as they had to accompany us, and had a chance to smoke too, and anything that make the staff happy, was good.........................  Damn, I wish I was a smoker. 

These thoughts travelled through my mind quickly, while my lips just fumbled and jumbled, and dribbled. Wish my tongue wasn't so swollen, wish my jaw would loosen up.  I must be so, so sick. I leant forward, so as not to fall, my balance was a bit gone too, but I was determined not to fall, and walk as dignified as I could. I will not fall, I will not fall, I will not fall, focus, focus, balance, balance, speak, speak, I will not fall.  I tried to focus and think, to distract myself, as one does when one tries not to vomit,  I longed for that outside enclosure, and the company of seeing other humans, those less fortunate than me on the other side of the wire, the ones that walked around in circles.  It reminded me so much of the movie "midnight express".  But I was in Australia.  I was told I was in Albany, I know I am not there, but I am definite, I am still in Australia, somewhere? Yes, definitely Australia, somewhere.  Someone said Mount Claremont, but I have never heard of that place.

Aimlessly walking, not lucky enough to have an exercise bike,  until the cigarettes were all extinguished, and they had to go back in.  At least they had longer in the sun, than us, there were more of them and it took longer for them all to finish their smokes.  And luckily they had their smokes, and the sun, not like "Midnight Express".  I am so glad I am in Australia.

"What on earth is wrong with you?"   Again....I tried my best, but no matter how I tried, I just couldn't respond, not well enough that they understood.  It was as if I were speaking an alien language. So I became quiet, they might become cross with me. I knew I had done something dreadfully wrong, I must have, why else why would I be here?  Why would I be kept under lock and key, trying to breastfeed a new baby, while a man looks through a thick glass cell window.

I cry.  My baby leaves with my friend. I am grateful, I am so ashamed to cry. Focus, A*******, focus, I am talking to myself in my head again.  Focus A*******, focus!.

I am promised in two days, if I am good, I will be able to visit the shop.  First with an escort only, perhaps, if I am good, later by myself.  And out of pure necessity, I have been given cold cabbage leaves to ease the pain of my swollen breasts, my baby only visits once a day.  I am grateful.

I must have done something absolutely horrific....I wish I could ask for a blanket and a pillow, but I am scared.  I have been punished before with needles. At least I have a bed, a mattress, and an empty tin cupboard, and a small window.  I can see the sunshine outside.  Focus A********, focus, those voices in my befuddled brain again.  I focus.

Now these strange visions in front of me, are asking again  "WHAT is wrong with you.""

Finally my thoughts clear and my mind is alert, for just a few seconds....my brain is talking to me again, I am so glad my mouth is not speaking...it  is talking to me and it says "How the **** am I supposed to know, what is wrong with me? Isn't that your job?"  I am so grateful, just as I am grateful now for every small mercy, that I can not respond, as I know they would be angry.

Susan and her thick locks of sunny red hair, like waves of flames on her head, Carol, with her glasses and wrinkled, tired face. They are before me again, and say "sign this", ....then I cannot hear very , well...something.....I think I am crying again, inside, although my body does not show it, they are saying more, but it is irrelevant.  My fuzzy grey matter knows I have no choice.

Inside I am angry, I want to see my doctor, but they denied this request.  Or did he not want to see me?  I am confused again.  No, he must want to punish me for my evil, or why would I be here. But what was my evil?  Please tell me, what did I do? They don't know what is wrong with me?  I hope he does.  They demand to be allowed to ask him. 

I know I have no choice, Susan carefully guides my arm with a pen in my hand, while Carol holds a board with a piece of paper on it.  I sign as best I can. It is so difficult, my hand is shaking so wildly, my eyes are so fuzzy I find it hard to locate the distance required to put the pen to the paper. I am determined not to dribble.

I need to think of something else, so I do. I look forward to tomorrow, if I am good, I will get to see the sunshine, and stretch my legs.....  I look forward to the "Shop", whatever it may be.  I have been good, I signed the paper.

A******* O********   (nee ************) 

Edited January 14, 2015 by cymbaltawithdrawal5600
poster requested edit to name

[ang]

That was one day, in three weeks of being an involuntary.. why?  cause I am allergic to valium... Yes after three weeks of medication hell, they sent me home on nothing... Like it gets out of your system in a day?  I think we all know different.  Anyway that was 19 years ago.  and now gag removed, I can admit I wanted to drown my newborn in a bath, at that institution.  A wild thought, that shocked me.  He is now 19 and very healthy, so glad I still had 5 % of my brain.

[ang]

Anyway, my daughter said I should submit that to a writing competition, how lucky am I for this response from my daughter.

[ang]

Thankyou all so much, hrrific day today, but had three days previous that werent too bad.  thanks for caring

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Ang, why do you not have a blog yet? There are sites you can set one up for free and unless you publicise it or tell google where it is, no one (unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you see it) will see it.

 

I am reminded of Will Meecham's first blog, WillSpirit. His initial posts were mesmerizing, the ones where he went into metaphysical musings lost me. He was linked to by GiaK on her beyondmeds blog. Wow, that guy has made a total transformation. He was a cymbalta taker like me but did not do the wd thing.

[btdt]

You know Ang sometimes I think shrinks and those who work in the psych industry should have to read things like this... for all I know they do then just write it all off and get on with their day. 

I hope your doing ok.

peace

[ang]

Thankyou for your comments, I am not well enough to do the blog thing yet, hopefully one day I will be.

 

I think my experiences are the same as so many others, what an awakening to meet so many who have or are going thru this.  The lies that medication helps, the illusion of being well, and staying on them way too long, or the coercion to stay on them by the doctors,  or the absolute fear we have when we have experienced CT effects.........and their "control"after giving labels away so freely, along with the drugs.

 

I was locked up against my will, and after 3 weeks got sent home on no medication, obviously they thought I didnt need any.  Then the shcok set in.  Interesting that I have read that the UN regards this sort of forced treatment, Torture,  and it is.

 

Anyhow time to watch telly, gosh I feel awful. 

 

And I realise I have only been sick 4 weeks, already seems like eternity   This morning really thought I was "losing my sanity" yet again, that has passed.

[btdt]

The early days really do suck hopefully the ri will work. peace

[ang]

The follow is taken directly from the blog WillSpirit....  I hope he does not mind me copying it, as it is the most, spot on representation of how I feel................

I am not just depressed, and I believe the damage was done by the effexor, being also an SNRI,  I never knew it was this when it was given to me all those years ago.

 

Anyway  here is the cut and paste, I hope it may help others, now I understand, I have no drive, nothing:

With further study, the researchers clarified dopamine’s role: it provides a sense ofanticipation. When active, this neural system delivers what psychiatrists call salience: the feeling that an activity is destined to provide a huge reward. Maybe the payoffwill be an orgasm. Or maybe it will be a delicious, high calorie meal. The brain doesn’t specify what the prize will be, only that it will be outstanding. This is why drugs that directly stimulate dopamine neurons are so addictive: every time they’re ingested, the nervous system gets excited. In fact, it appears all addictive drugs, and automatic habits also, directly or indirectly activate this neural system of anticipatory reward.

So what happens when you stop a medication that tickles these structures? Granted, buproprion doesn’t provide the addictive rush of cocaine, but it is an ‘activating’ drug. It generates a feeling of increased energy, bordering on jitteriness. Many people tolerate it poorly as a result. When one withdraws from the medication, on the other hand, one loses this ongoing stimulation of the dopamine system. The result, in my case at least, is fatigue and sleepiness. These symptoms aren’t intolerable, and in fact my chronic insomnia has lessened a bit, a welcome change. However, the feeling that my daily activities are worth the effort has also lessened. The sense of ‘payoff’ has vanished.

When I withdrew from the SSRI agents, the result was clear-cut depression. I felt downfor a few months. This is different. I’m not feeling sad or hopeless. I’m just notmotivated. Nothing I anticipate feels worth much investment. The ordinary delights of day-to-day life hold little allure. Sex? Sure, if it’s not too much trouble. Employment? Fine, if I don’t have to work too hard. Writing? Why not; it doesn’t take much out of me anyway. I continue to pursue all these activities, but with little delight or hopefulness.

[ang]

However, I cant work, I cant go out, I am battling to be able to concentrate on anything.  It is horrific.  And I got off the SRNI about 2 years ago.  The effexor is the drug from hell, these new u beaut better than SSRIs are horrific.  Now I know why I was doing financially self destructive things,  I didnt know why I felt rewarded, just rewarded, for what?  Doing totally uncharacteristic things.  My whole mind, my "person" was gone.  For ten years I was not creative, not tidy, clean, and that is the opposite of the "real me".

 

Yeah, why do they prescribe these things?  Most of these prescriptions follow a presentation at a docs, with horrific side effects from a previous drug......  all clear in hindsight, and thankyou for the reference to WllSpirit.

[ang]

I can now see the similarity to ADHD drugs.  How dare I get put on this stuff? No wonder kids lose there "self", and become robots.   

[btdt]

 

The follow is taken directly from the blog WillSpirit....  I hope he does not mind me copying it, as it is the most, spot on representation of how I feel................

I am not just depressed, and I believe the damage was done by the effexor, being also an SNRI,  I never knew it was this when it was given to me all those years ago.

 

Anyway  here is the cut and paste, I hope it may help others, now I understand, I have no drive, nothing:

With further study, the researchers clarified dopamine’s role: it provides a sense ofanticipation. When active, this neural system delivers what psychiatrists call salience: the feeling that an activity is destined to provide a huge reward. Maybe the payoffwill be an orgasm. Or maybe it will be a delicious, high calorie meal. The brain doesn’t specify what the prize will be, only that it will be outstanding. This is why drugs that directly stimulate dopamine neurons are so addictive: every time they’re ingested, the nervous system gets excited. In fact, it appears all addictive drugs, and automatic habits also, directly or indirectly activate this neural system of anticipatory reward.

So what happens when you stop a medication that tickles these structures? Granted, buproprion doesn’t provide the addictive rush of cocaine, but it is an ‘activating’ drug. It generates a feeling of increased energy, bordering on jitteriness. Many people tolerate it poorly as a result. When one withdraws from the medication, on the other hand, one loses this ongoing stimulation of the dopamine system. The result, in my case at least, is fatigue and sleepiness. These symptoms aren’t intolerable, and in fact my chronic insomnia has lessened a bit, a welcome change. However, the feeling that my daily activities are worth the effort has also lessened. The sense of ‘payoff’ has vanished.

When I withdrew from the SSRI agents, the result was clear-cut depression. I felt downfor a few months. This is different. I’m not feeling sad or hopeless. I’m just notmotivated. Nothing I anticipate feels worth much investment. The ordinary delights of day-to-day life hold little allure. Sex? Sure, if it’s not too much trouble. Employment? Fine, if I don’t have to work too hard. Writing? Why not; it doesn’t take much out of me anyway. I continue to pursue all these activities, but with little delight or hopefulness.

 

Thanks for posting that I could not find enough of whatever it would take to ever get thru his stuff... so I like the understanding he gives it makes some sense this part

", buproprion doesn’t provide the addictive rush of cocaine, but it is an ‘activating’ drug. It generates a feeling of increased energy, bordering on jitteriness." 

I think effexor is a bit like that... doing stupid things to get a rush and after nothing is a rush...nothing. 

I am not feeling well today so will not post much... just mostly wanted to see how your doing... glad you found something to add to your understanding and mine thanks...

peace

[ang]

Feeling, really, really bad.  Wish I could just die, I wish for that.

I took 1/4 tablet of zoloft this morning, I am desperate, and have taken two extra doses of 25mg seroquol.

 

Any advice?

[btdt]

My only advice would to stick with the doses you were on.  

I have never done a successful taper all the drugs I ever took I was ct off and put on others till I ct myself off the last long ago.  I am not the best person to give advice as I would always rather give advice on things I know inside and out... like surviving this tips and tricks survival.  I know my strengths and areas I am not so strong in.  I do know some things from reading on sites like this for years and years and that is maintaining a dose is the only way your body can get stable.  It can take some time to have this happen.  It can be a rough go while you wait for it to work if it is going to work.  

 

How long you wait for this to happens varies.  I hope some other people come here soon to advice you as all I have to say is stick with a dose and wait. In the mean time I can say jumping around will generally make things worse for most people.  It takes time for the body/brain to adjust to dose changes that I know how long may be different for each of us as we not only have different histories but we have different brain chemistry to start with. There is so much we don't know as there are no real studies just what people have learned from watching others try this over the years I wish there were cold hard facts that I could give you. 

 

I have no idea what you can expect by changing dose now.  I do hope it is not too bad.  

peace

[btdt]

Thankyou for your comments, I am not well enough to do the blog thing yet, hopefully one day I will be.

 

I think my experiences are the same as so many others, what an awakening to meet so many who have or are going thru this.  The lies that medication helps, the illusion of being well, and staying on them way too long, or the coercion to stay on them by the doctors,  or the absolute fear we have when we have experienced CT effects.........and their "control"after giving labels away so freely, along with the drugs.

 

I was locked up against my will, and after 3 weeks got sent home on no medication, obviously they thought I didnt need any.  Then the shcok set in.  Interesting that I have read that the UN regards this sort of forced treatment, Torture,  and it is.

 

Anyhow time to watch telly, gosh I feel awful. 

 

And I realise I have only been sick 4 weeks, already seems like eternity   This morning really thought I was "losing my sanity" yet again, that has passed.

"And I realise I have only been sick 4 weeks, already seems like eternity"

It sure does feel like a lot of time when people are going thru it not one person on here will tell you time flew by in withdrawal it gets better bit by bit as time goes by but it is so slow it seems we can only see it when we look back a few months to see how our symptoms have improved. 

peace

[ang]

At this point if I could stabilise on any dose, I would do it. Taking a small dose of 2.4 mg hasnt helped, it seemed to for a day, then splatt.  Think I will have to stick to quarter tablet, and seroquol as a backup (sedative).  If I dont close my shop properly, ie have a few days of relief, I will be in the bankruptcy basket.

The taper thing I would do as I have become a much wiser person.

[btdt]

I hope this new dose works for you.  From what I know a ri may take some time to work have you rad the thread about reinstating?

[ang]

Sorry, I cant find it.   I think I read it before, but cant find it now.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

About reinstating and stabilizing to stop withdrawal symptoms

 

that link does not work and I do not know why. We USED to have that topic, I am trying to find out where it went.

Edited May 13, 2015 by Petunia
fixed link

[btdt]

ps excuse me Ang... CW I have found a few links this last wk that are not working... should I send them to you or a mod?

[ang]

The link is not working, thankyou.  I have committed myself to reinstating 1/4 tablet of 50mg zoloft.   I need to stick to the 50mg Seroquol at night, seems to just make things worse if I take an extra  25mg dose in the morning.   Only day three.   I just have to try and survive each day.

Physically just making me nauseaous emotionally, I am in WD hell.

[btdt]

Please try to be kind to yourself now I hope things improve soon.  

peace

[Tilly]

Anyway, my daughter said I should submit that to a writing competition, how lucky am I for this response from my daughter.

Hi Ang,

 

Your daughter is right. You have a wonderful way with words. Very engaging.

 

I am so sorry to read of your suffering. You have been through so much and have shown courage & strength in surviving very difficult life experiences.

 

Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. You have a wonderful community here to support you during this difficult time. Keep on writing and reaching out when that is helpful to you.

 

Be gentle with yourself.

 

Huge hugs,

 

Tilly

[ang]

Tilly, is the reinstatement helping?  you have tried the reinstatement for 2 years?  It must be helping?

 

I am getting worse.  I dont know what to do.  Stay with the 13mg, for another week?  Do you have any advice?
 

[ang]

OK  I am finding I am worse, four doses of 13 mg zoloft.  Cant get out of bed, feel sick all day.  Not helping much. Just having thoughts of Ï wont make It", and I never been suicidal before. So damn it, give it all away, except the seroquol.  Dont want any more drugs.  Think I can sort out the issues, tidying up the shopfront.  My sons are helping (although 17 and 19 yo would rather do other things .

 

I think it is was too late to reinstate.  And I felt better before I tried.  Wish me luck dear friends.

 

I have to eat, and I am not, lost my apetite when I reinstated.  Now feel hot all over, like that damn flu again.  But physical stuff is easy to handle.  I gotta eat, and sleep....   and try and get over those crazy emotions.

 

Been thru this so many times, aint doing it again, if I survivie this time...... prefer to try without those evil SSRIs  SSNRIs

 

Will post again, when I am able.

 

Ang

[Tilly]

Tilly, is the reinstatement helping?  you have tried the reinstatement for 2 years?  It must be helping?

 

I am getting worse.  I dont know what to do.  Stay with the 13mg, for another week?  Do you have any advice?

 

Hi Ang,

 

I am not currently reinstating I am tapering down slowly. If you have reinstated, I think that you hold there at the same level until you are feeling more stable and have allowed your body time to adjust to the changes. If you type reinstatement into the search box on the top right hand side of your page, you may get more answers. Sometimes it can take weeks or months to stabilise. There really isn't a set time, I'm afraid.

 

If you are struggling to eat full meals, try to snack on things that take little effort to prepare and are easier to digest. Soups are good or maybe a bowl of cereal or porridge or toast. If sleep is difficult, I find it helpful to lie down and rest and listen to something soothing or relaxing like relaxation tapes or audio books which can distract you from negative thoughts and feelings.

 

It's good to hear that your sons are helping you with practical things. 

 

I hope that you are feeling better soon. Keep in mind that these feelings & symptoms will pass with time.

 

Be kind to yourself. 

 

Tilly

[WatchingTV426]

Ang, I am right where you are, reinstating Zoloft at 12.5, I took my third dose today and feel the most horrible I have ever felt in my life, even worse than when I went on the drugs the first time, or went back on the the second time, or the third time. I didn't think that was possible and look, it is. So I can understand your desperation to get out of the situation and I wish there was something I could say to help other than I and the others are here to support you and help you. 

 

I haven't read your entire story, but I feel for your financial situation. My catastrophic thinking was leading to all sorts of concerns like, I am about to end up unemployed, we will lose our house, my student loans will go into default, I will never finish my degree--but then today everything turned into more of a, The only way out of this is to be dead and I'm going to end up in a mental institution, alone for the rest of my life. 

 

From what everyone keeps telling me, it can take a while to stabilize at the reinstated dose. I took my first dose in the evening and second in the morning, so though today was the third dose, it will only be 2 full days tonight at 8 p.m., and I'm growing more and more desperate.

 

I don't know what you're choosing to do--sticking with it or not--and I don't know how to make it through, but to just push and push. I feel like giving up half the time, though I don't even know what that means. My doctor wanted to give me Seroquel (and Neurontin and Doxepin) to sleep, but I am so scared of getting hooked on more that I'm currently spending all day sick then sleeping just 2-3 hours a night. It's all hell, and I feel for you. Let's keep checking in on each other as we fight this ugly beast called Zoloft. 

[btdt]

OK  I am finding I am worse, four doses of 13 mg zoloft.  Cant get out of bed, feel sick all day.  Not helping much. Just having thoughts of Ï wont make It", and I never been suicidal before. So damn it, give it all away, except the seroquol.  Dont want any more drugs.  Think I can sort out the issues, tidying up the shopfront.  My sons are helping (although 17 and 19 yo would rather do other things .

 

I think it is was too late to reinstate.  And I felt better before I tried.  Wish me luck dear friends.

 

I have to eat, and I am not, lost my apetite when I reinstated.  Now feel hot all over, like that damn flu again.  But physical stuff is easy to handle.  I gotta eat, and sleep....   and try and get over those crazy emotions.

 

Been thru this so many times, aint doing it again, if I survivie this time...... prefer to try without those evil SSRIs  SSNRIs

 

Will post again, when I am able.

 

Ang

Hang in there Ang... my thoughts are with you glad your sons are helping you. 

peace

[btdt]

the re instating link is now back if you want to take a look at it.  peace

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7562-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-stop-withdrawal-symptoms/

[ang]

Well day five of reinstating.  I actually took the 1/4 dose this morning.  I actually got over the terrible despair of yesterday, panicked because I was alone, my son had gone camping. Yesterday I had to start drinking wine at 2.00pm, not good.  It calmed me.  But wine does linger as long as these other drugs, I no longer feel guilty.  I was stable on Zoloft last year, and didnt drink anything for a couple of days, a miracle for me.  but no guilt over my drinking..... it is just another drug, that I keep track of.  I needed it, like if I am going thru withdrawal hell, I can drink a glass of wine at 4.00pm... I want to stabilise on this. And I drink a glass of water between each glass of wine, on a good day, two glasses of water between each glass of wine.  But if you dont drink, dont do it, all drugs in balance, your own personal balance, to survive WD 

 

My brother died of alcoholism.... but damn I know he got put on high blood pressure tablets, when his problems began.  Who knows?  Statins?  are they?, this site is so so informative.

 

I was so sure I would wake up as I did yesterday, thoughts of ending it all... not that I would have a clue how to do it.  I know.  I have gone on this stuff 3 times now.  Once I was quite well, and the transition from nothing to 50mg zoloft was fine  (yeah trusted a stupid psych, when I was fine,, that damn fear thing).

 

Once I went back on it, by day four I was staring blankly at a tv, but it improved.

 

So as you can see, I have got a bit of confidence back.

I am not eating (until I pig out after the seroquol dose)... But my normal pre AD weight was 50 kilos, my post AD weight is still about 68 kg.... so I am not too concerned, as long as I eat something, each day.

 

I am not too concerned at the seroquol, it is a sedative, ie slows down the brain, so I can sleep). And it allows me to eat. I pig out after a dose, although last night it was only 2 pieces of toast, but something.  I took 75mg last night, too much, was sleepy this morning.

 

My advice watching tv?  stick with the 1/4 tablet.  You will feel worse before feeling better.  Great drug companies arent they?  If we were bright in the first place, would realise getting worse, means give up the meds...but too late, we believe em.

My thoughts 1/4 tablet is my max...   I am obviously feeling better this afternoon, as I am writing.  I am putting some of my writing on my thread.  If it isn't acceptable to the moderators, please remove it.

Someone suggested I have a blog... well this is my blog.  people here understand.

[ang]

I find Zoloft ri makes me nauseous, totally lost my appetite.  Also makes me unable to sleep.  (but I have the seroquol to counter that).  They are my only two medications at present, except for wine, in the late afternoon.  I feel it (zoloft) is finally  "blunting my brain" a very welcome effect.  Stopping those guilty thoughts about anything, anytime in my life, all previously dealt with.

 

will sign in tomorrow.  doesnt matter if I dont eat much.  I was a pre AD skinny person, now I am fat.  I got some to spare.  I try to eat, and I can, when i pig out after the seroquol dose.  I hate the feeling that the drugs control when I eat, when I sleep.      Two weeks ago, pre reinstating Zoloft, I actually was eating normal, non drug times.  but couldnt function otherwise.  

 

I think either way reinstating or not, would have the same result.......  too late now, I reinstated, at day five.  Day one  no difference, no sudden relief of symptoms, damnit! day two, unable to eat, feel nauseous,  day three worse   want to end it all (not that I really would have a clue), just a passing thought,  day four, cant even get out of bed, cant even make a morning coffee, want to give up the ri thing but dont,  day five, some relief....  

 

wish me luck:) 

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Your reinstatement is probably hampered by your alcohol use and skipping meals is dangerous at this time. 3 grams of fish oil might be contributing to the nausea too.

 

That's quite a bit of stuff to dump into an empty stomach. Your nevous system needs stability and one of the ways to give it that is eating regular balanced meals of primarily 'whole' foods. And omitting the alcohol.

[ang]

thankyou.

 

the reinstatement is making me worse.  After six days feel worse   dont know what to do

 

any suggestions?  I assume it will be better just to stick to the seroquol, give up the idea of reinstating.

 

 I just can not eat, no appetite, I could eat before reinstating the zoloft.  

[btdt]

Were you drinking wine when you were trying the 2.4 of zoloft not even sure why I ask.. could you eat on 2.4 mg?  Likely not relevant like I said before I don't know about tapering or RI from a positive life expereince... I did not know about low dose RI when I tried it... just curious mostly so ignore if your not into it. 

I wish you peace

[WatchingTV426]

I have no helpful thoughts to offer about the lack of appetite and r/i, just want to say I hope you start feeling better soon.