success ☼ ang: help and confidence needed

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Ang,

 

In the above cautions on mixing zoloft and seroquel are the terms "QT prolongation and torsade de pointes" and refers to a particular type of heart arrhythmia which can be very dangerous. And serotonin toxicity can present with rapid heart rate also.

 

It would not be wise to continue taking the combination of drugs you are taking. And adding alcohol to the mix makes it even riskier.

[ang]

Hi Cymbalta.  I do not take zoloft.    

 

I presently take 2700mg St Johns Wort (am),   and 25 mg Seroquol (night as a sedative, and an appetitie enhancer)...  Interactions say that St Johns Wort may reduce the effectiveness of Seroquol, thats fine.

 

Hi btdt, I am not sweating..... not sure where that was written?

 

the St Johns Wort and Alcohol, and the Seroquol and Alcohol, just say dizziness etc may increase.  They are not severe interactions, or am I reading incorrectly?

[ang]

Yesterday I actually felt hungry enough to eat a banana and some tomatoes for lunch.  I actually also felt hungry and had some dinner, before the seroquol.  that is a good sign.  I take any tiny thing as a good sign.  I am not so nauseaus anymore, which is good.

 

I just hope I will be able to cook and clean and shop for food soon.

[btdt]

Hi Cymbalta.  I do not take zoloft.    

 

I presently take 2700mg St Johns Wort (am),   and 25 mg Seroquol (night as a sedative, and an appetitie enhancer)...  Interactions say that St Johns Wort may reduce the effectiveness of Seroquol, thats fine.

 

Hi btdt, I am not sweating..... not sure where that was written?

 

the St Johns Wort and Alcohol, and the Seroquol and Alcohol, just say dizziness etc may increase.  They are not severe interactions, or am I reading incorrectly?

Your right you did not say that you said heart pounding ... I threw that sweating in as I guess I went back to my own experience lol...I cannot explain it other than that... 

when I had a pounding heart I had sweating too.

[ang]

Hello dear friends, and fellow sufferers.  Just singing in to stay Im still alive.  oh god signing in.... and I always thought it was the keyboard, silly me...  is just my mischievous brain.

 

Anyhow, this morning I so wanted to go fishing with my son, but didnt make it, like stressed out completely!  Horrific, like I thought I was getting marginally better, and I guess I epected to be better?  Never in the morning..

 

However, then made myself go and get my blood tests done. tft, bs, uric acid, fbc, hormones, thyroid, I think that was about it?  

 

this afternoon, amazing, I cleaned the bath, shower and sink.  I did the dishes.  I got food out for dinner.  I still feel awful, but being able to do these things, is a positive for me.  I even attempted to vacuum.

 

So hard ..............to feel ok one minute, horrific the next.  It is so cruel.

 

Anyway, if I expect a horrific morning when I wake up.... I wont be disappointed.   If I believe i will spring out of bed and have a bath, I know I will be sadly disappointed.

 

ang

[ang]

Oh still sticking with the fish oil 3000mg, 25mg Seroquol, and 2700 St Johns Wort.  6 days now,   No longer nauseous, nice not to have to look into the toilet bowl in the mornings. Sneezing like hell, but that has come and gone for a while, ......  Physically well, but emotionally dead , neuroemotions running riot this morning, the guilt, the self loathing, very hard to deal with.

 

I love the signature thing, I use it to keep track.

 

Hope everyone in Oz had a great Australia day yesterday.  I stayed in.  Maybe next year ! x

[Fresh]

Hi Ang ,    

 

I'm waving at you from Sydney.   Happy Australia Day cobber!      Am just starting to read your thread . . . you poor chook.

Good to hear yesterday went from bad to good.

It rained here all day - coldest Australia Day in 50 years.    Just waiting for the sun to shine again.

 

Best wishes ,    Fresh

[Petunia]

Hi Ang, it sounds like you may be starting to settle down now, which is good, don't change anything.  Take the same doses at the same time every day.  You may have days when you feel better and days when you feel worse, but don't change anything.  This is called

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Recovery

If you decide you want to change something, please read through this first:

 

The rule of 3KIS: Keep it simple. Keep it slow. Keep it stable.

[ang]

Thanks Petunia and Fresh.   

It is just so awful, feeling awful all the time.  

cant do much today, but did manage to shower.  Had blood tests taken a couple of days ago.  Waiting on the thyroid results.  In all honesty I am just hoping there will be something wrong...that they can fix, but dont think I will be so lucky.

So it is not a good day, but not as bad as some have been before.    

I hope things settle.  I have to go food shopping at some stage.

Wish I could just "slap myself out of it"....  but that dont work, and pushing myself to do things dont work either.  Just have to go with the flow...

 

so trying to look on the bright side.  If I dont shower often, or change clothes often, am saving on all that washing!

I dont do anything, have no appetite, so imagine what food savings I am making? 

[ang]

i went for a walk with my son, looked at the beautiful harbour and beach.  

I went out of the house!

I just brushed my teeth..... I havent been able to do that for years....  I brushed my teeth!!!

Yay!

[WiggleIt]

Ang, I am so happy for what sounds like a window that you are having!!! I realize it might not be a perfect window, but it sounds like there have been some good moments in the past couple of days. I think you are just incredible. Thanks for being such a dear over on my thread.

[ang]

Hi wiglett  thankyou...

Not such a good day today, but still much better than a couple of weeks ago.  I can actually eat before taking the seroquol (stimulates my apetitie, etc).

Read some funny threads today, re:  wishing to send a selfie to the psychiatrist for putting us on this stuff. Like before and after...  After is  The filthy dressing gown, covered in cat hair, breakfast and everything.  My unwashed hair, scabby face. And stinking (should smell my feet)....

Effexor used to make me stink also, but this is worse!.

 

I hope your wiggles are getting less, they sound like real hell on earth.

 

I had fits due to serotonin sickness, years ago, luckily I was not awake to witness my uncontrolled wiggles.  Hope your day wasn't too bad.

 

Read some stuff about overenthusiastic coppers in the USA, like thump tackling mentally ill people....   well doesnt happen here... NO NOT ME.... my neighbour Clinton.  State house, he is apparently schizophrenic from drug abuse.??? illegal or prescribed?  makes no dfference, does it?... so of course has to stay on his tablets, blah, blah,blah.  Well my son and I have been here 6 months, he has smashed up his unit three times in six months. the state housing place just come and repair it.  First time, the coppers and the medicos arrived, somehow medicated him, and next day he was wandering around, just the same. God I feel for him, stuck in his nightmare..... Broken glass everywhere.  Next time, they actually put him in our infamous "G ward", to stabilize him, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah.  He was home again last  night, by 10.30 he was again fighting off mythical creatures or whatever, he even managed to smash his door, besides all the windows (yet again)...  And they keep blaming it all on him drinking beer?  omg....  The police were really nice, god bless em, they chatted to him for an hour before he got dressed, took a few belongiings, and went back into the public mental health system.

[ang]

It is like the mental health people here have done such an about face.  In Australia.  All local hospitals now has psych wards. There are no "halfway houses", no community support..... There is nowhere for him to go, where he can be supervised, he can not look after himself.  They keep him in one night, or three weeks, whatever, then send him home, to no-one.  The police dont even want to bother to take him there anymore, what can they do?  the Local police are so kind, so caring.... but maybe because we dont have guns here.... he just smashes his windows with chairs.  But the police do like my input, before they go to him, yet again?  I dont need this, am I selfish?

 

So yes, even though I feel like sh+t, have lost all my money, I still have a wonderful son, and thank god, I am not in this poor man's shoes.  But he "thinks he is well".  As do most on these evil drugs, while all the evidence, shows the opposite.  Oh his mum told me he wants to murder people, but its ok, he only wants to murder her... Well thanks for that information, I will bin that....  

 

I have stupid people knocking on my door, like the rental hire place, asking ME to do this, that and the other, so they can get their goods back... sorry dont think anything is there anymore... thieves come and take whatever you like, this place has no damn windows, no damn doors. NO... you rent the stuff, aint my problem.. I have Clintons mum trying to get ME to have a talk with her, with Clintons psych, to discuss Clinton.  NO NO NO NO.  I am battling to stay well myself, fix the problems yourself!

[ang]

the first time Clinton, my neighbour,  smashed all his windows, I was so horrified by the noise,being on an emotional knife edge due to WD made it so much worse., couldn't stand the sounds of things smashing. Not that that is a good sound, maybe because my ex used to terrify me when he smashed things.(the bastard).  Makes one terrified.

 

Christmas, my daughter and her family stayed, and my neighbour Clinton,  he thought she was someone he knew, and thought my son was his son. Yes, that is creepy. I feel so sorry for him.  Another smash the house rampage, three weeks inpsych ward.  This time dear Clinto didn't manage to be home for 24 hours.

 

Oh someone has been around to take his front security door, and his back doors, probably wishing to get an early start on Monday's repairs.....  his mother?  she just says ""oh they have to fix it all as he is a "committed"mental health patient ""or some such thing.

 

No one cares, no one cares he cant look after himself, no one cares.   How sad is that?  And obviously all the drugs they give him, dont help.

 

We are so lucky, to be able to try and attempt to become well......     Clinton?  one of those forgotten sufferers of a mental health system in crisis.

[ang]

My unit is beautiful, it has two bedrooms, nice kitchen, almost overlooks the ocean.  Can walk to the beach, go for bush walks, has a bus that goes by.....   I hope I am finally healing.  Son doesn't think so, as all i do is sit at the computer, watch TV, and not do much......

 

but I think I am healing, just takes patience.

[ang]

I find I can not handle the tiniest bit of stress.  So I will try and avoid it, totally.  So lucky to have a supportive son, wise beyond his tender age of 17.  I apologise for my previous ramblings.

 

I have now been feeling horrible for 3 months.  I have decided to "bunker down" and survive it as best I can. I can eat, and I can sleep.  I believe it will not get worse, have hit rock bottom, and begun the slow slippery climb back up the hill, two steps forward, and sometimes three steps back, sometimes three steps forward, one slide back...  but I no longer believe I am at the rock bottom.

 

I am not fearful anymore, just miserable..... "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself"

 

These horrific drugs have seen me in far worse places, emotionally and physically, than I am now.  I am grateful.

 

Another older son is moving to my town shortly.  His wife and four kids are here already.  He wants me to babysit his kids.  I keep telling him I am not well enough (wants me to do after schoolcare each day)...as his wife is a teacher, he has to go back to Darwin for a little while, and finish his job there.  He is an engineer.  I just dont get it, so much money, so many houses, yet he will not hire a proper nanny.  When i say I am too ill, he doesnt want to know me..... ah well.

 

 

well some blood tests back  Urea is low a bit, but as I dont eat very well and dont eat much protein, that is fine, not too far off the correct result.

ALT  liver functions tests Alt is three times what it should be.  But as I read that Carbamezepine is a culprit in this, and I been on that a long time, that isnt TOO bad.  And apparently if the levels are ten times higher than mine, means my liver is in seriously bad shape, which it isn't.  Alcohol doesnt help, but damn the drugs I been on, its amazing my liver is still working at all  yay!

Gamma GT is very very slightly raised, but no concern.cholesterol slightly high, but the real indication is the Chol/HDL ratio, which is a little bit above THE BELOW AVERAGE RISK.

Am waiting on the Thyroid tests, but even if they are a little out of whack, will cope with that, body is healing.  

If the thyroid is way out of whack, that would be something that can be treated.

 

But strange, out of six siblings, my sister on AD, is the one who had the heart attack, and the overactive thyroid, which she had operated on.  One sibling went on statins, and in middle age became an alcoholic... he had other physical problems, due to being neglected as a child..   In hindsight, now I have learnt so much, I blame the statins for his problems, and premature death.

 

My other three siblings, are fit and healthy.... and wiser than me, for never taking these drugs. 

[ang]

I thank this site, for the reality I may not be well for some time.  I am rearranging my affairs, so I will just linger around the damn computer all day, be grateful for my son, be bl++dy grateful for my disability support pension from the Australian Government, and even more grateful to Australia for providing me a secure housing place.  

 

Time to count my blessings, and keep reminding myself of them  EVERY DAY.

No good looking back at the damage effexor has done to my reputation, my life, my self esteem, my damn finances.

I am still reasonably healthy, for that I am grateful at age 55.

 

I hope to be well enough to study at least one unit of psycology this year sometime.  It is available in my town, thru an extension of a University in Perth.

 

Studying horticulture, the year before  last year, allowed me to survive the horrific effexor withdrawal (yes while on another antidepressant).  I also got my teaching degree for teaching adults in the TAFE system.  I have worked so many different areas, I loved learning so much.  I am grateful for that, grateful I understand blood test results, and chemical analysis.  Shame I am unemployable in any of these areas at present.

 

I have raised four healthy kids, I am proud of that.

 

this is my journal, I like writing here.

[ang]

I have been off antidepressants now for about 9 months, I think, apart from a very small, unsuccessful try at reinstating zoloft.  At 12 months off, I think I will have a personal party!.  I invite you all  (on-line of course), unless you live near me!  I anticipate not being very well for another 12 months, that is fine, I am surviving.  Called surviving antidepressants, and how blessed I am not dying on the damn things.  So, so many times they have nearly killed me.

 

If I eventually get my psychology degree, I think I will be needed.  In another five years, there are going to be a whole heap more broken souls needing hope, I hope I can help them. 

Why not train in an expanding industry?  

 

They never told us that did they?  That prescribed medication makes us addicts?  I hope to help all the other addicts out there, regain their life.

 

I also hope to write, I have experiences from this stuff, that is hard to live with, the horror of involuntary for three weeks, 19 years ago, due to a bad reaction to a damn valium.  I have all my medical records.  They dump medical records after seven years, so if you are reading this, get your records NOW!!!!!  At the time I didn't want to get them, but my heart told me they were important.  Trust your heart.

 

I nearly died three times in their care... I survived.... now the WHO call it torture, and it is.  Little did I know the effect that my three weeks in that place, had on, not only the nurses at my local hospital, but the psychiatrists who cared for me, in that hospital, and it made the  tv!!  I remember watching a replay of my life in those three weeks of hell at that Asylum...called Graylands, alias Gracelands by inmates..... , with another actress, thinking  ""omg that is me", I am sure it was, but played out with another person... the similarities were too profound.  someone was playing my part.  Who on earth would really show their face, after being in that place, on national tv?  the actress did, sitting on a park bench, overlooking the infamous gracelands, and telling MY story.  God bless the people who made that news story possible.............

 

Only now do I realise how my treatment had upset so many in the "establishment", and a "whistleblower"  had said something.

 

Thus, all these years later, the gp who sent me there, to hell on earth, called gracelands, (graylands)   well he sees me for free,the gp who now realises he gave me the valium that sent me there..... Jim, the doctor, says nothing, but his generosity betrays his guilt.  

 

He actually studied all my test results, my everything, before he saw me, about two weeks ago......  It has been 18 years since I have seen him.  I named my healthy son James after him, after he helped me with the death of my zoloft half a heart baby.

 

I trust him, Jim the gp, because he never prescribed antidepressant to me, ever...... but as a worried gp, he will never be honest, will he? He sent me to gracelands  (graylands, haha), because he gave me a damn valium, and forgot.

 

I remember my dear friend in "locked ward"", at graceland   (graylands)...  also from my small hometown.... All those years ago,    Lovely Liz, she was so sweet, so young..... I think it was two years ago she died after ECT therapy, 19 years after our friendship as involuntary patients in a state run mental institution. I met her often, as she dropped her kids at school, same school my kids went to, with her helper, her mother.  She never remembered me, but I remembered her. Maybe she was allergic to valium too?  The relatives just lied and said she "died of natural causes"..... so the real statistics of these horrific drugs, are never told. She was 30ish , and had a couple of little kidsshe died after another ECT therapy session, I met the man who saw her as she left, and was so concerned ""as she was obviously not well".  She died that night.

 

She had trusted her doc, Dr Plozza, I wondered why she trusted a gp and not a psychiatrist, now I think we should not trust either.

 

But a few years back, after that poor  lady that died in the infamous local hospital G ward, due to constipation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, after the dear Gp Dr Plozza had done an ""examination"...of her, ie he said hello, and billed the health department for an "examination"" Dr Plozza, the gp, long since bolted.  I think Dr Griffies aint around any more either....

 

Dont stress I only quote names that I can quote..... all in the historical records.. search, they all in newspaper reports.

 

Can they sue me?  I have nothing left.  Except honesty.  I will get well, I know I am supported by so many people who have witnessed my horrific treatment at the hands of local gps, the mental health and the disgusting psychiatrists I have seen.

[Fresh]

Hi ang ,   I admire your strength and courage.    My thoughts are with you . . . perhaps when your son comes and sees you he'll understand that when you say you're

not up to looking after his children , you're really not.  

It's important to keep eating even when you don't feel like it.    Your body needs as much nutrition to help heal as you give it.

You're in my thoughts ,  Fresh

[ang]

Tahnkyou fresh, that is why I feel so bad, he was in Albany, yes and I didn't know, my other son told me.  Then my son Brent came to visit, he saw the mess of my house, I told him many times I aint well, yet he asked, yet again, can the kids come to me after school... My brain aint great at the moment.  I said to james, my 17 year old, maybe I should mind them, he said, NO< NO   not cause I aint well, but he doesnt want to see me used and abused, and like what happens if I need to go an find them if they dont turn up?  I aint well enough.  I at least have some insight into how well i am, more than I had on the damn drugs.. 

Thankyou fresh, no one has written to me, how silly, on this group, I feel horrible, thankyou for caring  xx

[ang]

I am so glad I am physically well, or I would have no hope of trying to regain my brain.  Damn I was dux of my school of damn 1600 students, in my prime... now I am damn hopeless.

 

That is why I will have some credibility if I get well enough to write....No I aint smar, if I was smart, I wouldnt have trusted my drug addicted sister, or idiot doctors.  i still remember in Graylands, cause I had gone psychotic on the valium, that sent me there... dear Sally asking me   "so do you still think you are brighter than Einstein"...and as I could not lie, I said, in my doped up splendour, that I had just read a book by Stephen hawking, and I understood it.  She had no interest in physics, as I did, she got up and walked off in dismay.

 

I said as I could not lie, that I should have emailed Stephen hawking.

 

Do you know it took me years to get brave enough to tell my engineer son...I have a theory  " time is not a constant"". ( I got kept in a mental institution for my crazy thinking.  A psychiatrist judged me on my talkativeness about irrelevant  subjects , shee knew nothing about, due to one damn valium.. )  Antidepressants make you tell stuff to people out of context... god blesss this medication.  then we get judged by others?  Anyway the local gp who sent me there, must have written something, ie to got a court order for me to be an involuntary?  I was ranting and raving, as one is when allergic to valium, and damn being told I have to take another?

 

What did he do, my son, after I finally got brave enough, lie 8 years after Graylands?  to tell him my crazy theory, the theory that kept me in graylands?  as a nutter? he burst out laughing, and told me "people have known that for years"...well apparently my public health psychiatrist sally never heard such a thing.  To be judged, while irrational, and saying stuff, by psychiatrists, who have no understanding of physics,  is just that, being judged by idiots....

 

Yes the SSRis the antidepressants make you honest and open, then what happens, you say stuff to idiots who dont understand.... so I said to a psychiatrist, wthat what if I said to my son, would have been a converstion starter?

 

so they think they are fixing you, making you open and honest, but have no idea of judging your ideas?  Sally at Graylands?  Had a daughter, usually minding her daughter, not the patients.. I love her to bits, but being honest.

[ang]

Just signing in for the day.  Stopped taking the 25 mg Seroquel  from last night.  I was using that so I could eat and sleep.  Last few days I have actually had an appetite before I took the seroquol, have not drunk much alcohol, so seemed to be stablising a bit.....so have decided to dump the seroquol and "go for broke"....  and whether it is good or not, my son is encouraging me not to take it.   I figure I have got this far...

 

I am happy just taking the 3000mg fish oil now and 2700 St Johns Wort.  Next to give up is the alcohol, I anticipate that now I have given up the seroquol, I will not feel guilty if I drink more that I would like to ideally  (dont worry, never more than about four big glasses, of wine, spaced with lots and lots of water)...... but I know I need to give that up too, but not stressed about it just yet.

 

While I was on effexor, I drank, but stupidly also drove, with yes, loss of licence.... had that back ages now, but so nice having my brain back, I never drink and drive now, and never would have before damn effexor.  Even when I went from effexor to zoloft, I wasn't silly enough to drink drive.  Effexor should be banned.

 

I decided to go for the St Johns Wort as I needed to stabilize on an antidepressant, so why not go natural?  If it has been used for thousands of years, god I trust it more than antidepressants people been using for only twenty years, or less.  All an untrusted entity, so most of us have found out.

 

Slept reasonably OK, and was weird because my sleep  had more dreams, not that  i can remember what they were now, and I woke up often, however  I felt relaxed while I was awake (waiting to go back to sleep)... anytime I am relaxed without my weird obtrusive thoughts, I am happy.

 

But woke up having to face the toilet bowl first thing this morning, not a nice place to have to be first thing in the morning, but the vomiting cleared up pretty quickly.

 

So overall I am doing reasonably well.....   thankyou moderators, and others for helping me and giving me some confidence to continue my journey to healing.

 

ang

[btdt]

I am so glad I am physically well, or I would have no hope of trying to regain my brain.  Damn I was dux of my school of damn 1600 students, in my prime... now I am damn hopeless.

 

That is why I will have some credibility if I get well enough to write....No I aint smar, if I was smart, I wouldnt have trusted my drug addicted sister, or idiot doctors.  i still remember in Graylands, cause I had gone psychotic on the valium, that sent me there... dear Sally asking me   "so do you still think you are brighter than Einstein"...and as I could not lie, I said, in my doped up splendour, that I had just read a book by Stephen hawking, and I understood it.  She had no interest in physics, as I did, she got up and walked off in dismay.

 

I said as I could not lie, that I should have emailed Stephen hawking.

 

Do you know it took me years to get brave enough to tell my engineer son...I have a theory  " time is not a constant"". ( I got kept in a mental institution for my crazy thinking.  A psychiatrist judged me on my talkativeness about irrelevant  subjects , shee knew nothing about, due to one damn valium.. )  Antidepressants make you tell stuff to people out of context... god blesss this medication.  then we get judged by others?  Anyway the local gp who sent me there, must have written something, ie to got a court order for me to be an involuntary?  I was ranting and raving, as one is when allergic to valium, and damn being told I have to take another?

 

What did he do, my son, after I finally got brave enough, lie 8 years after Graylands?  to tell him my crazy theory, the theory that kept me in graylands?  as a nutter? he burst out laughing, and told me "people have known that for years"...well apparently my public health psychiatrist sally never heard such a thing.  To be judged, while irrational, and saying stuff, by psychiatrists, who have no understanding of physics,  is just that, being judged by idiots....

 

Yes the SSRis the antidepressants make you honest and open, then what happens, you say stuff to idiots who dont understand.... so I said to a psychiatrist, wthat what if I said to my son, would have been a converstion starter?

 

so they think they are fixing you, making you open and honest, but have no idea of judging your ideas?  Sally at Graylands?  Had a daughter, usually minding her daughter, not the patients.. I love her to bits, but being honest.

" Antidepressants make you tell stuff to people out of context... god blesss this medication.  then we get judged by others?'

 

They sure do. 

I have a story for you. 

One day in my drugged splendor on effexor I got lost which happened all the time on Effexor I could not visualize a route or a map.  I ended up on a country road running low on gas I noticed a car .. I tried to catch the car it was going really fast but I pushed it out of desperation.  I finally caught up only because the car stopped. It was  cop! I got a ticket! FOR SPEEDING!

 

The cop was a female I told her I was trying to catch her to hopefully get directions as I was running out of gas... she did give me directions after the ticket.  I was pissed and vowed not to pay till I had a day in court ... I went.  Got lost going to court too and was in a state when I got there and late.  

 

I could not communicate the short story that I just said to you.. instead said I was behind her... or something along those lines.  

So Ya I know all about the affects of the drugged splendor... and agree Effexor should be banned. 

 

This has been a funny story at parties when I was still on effexor... as there have been no parties since I quit...but at this moment it feels like one more way I have been made a laughing stock and one more thing to make me determine to  get well. Funny how things come up when you least expect them. 

 

I am sure rooting for you to get well... I wish you peace. B

[ang]

hi btdt...... feeling pretty awful today, just feel really ill, and if i try and lay down, those horrible intrusive stupid thoughts come back.

 

Yeah on effexor, I thought I was so cool.  all the while, in reality I was arrogant and obnoxious....   the memories are horrific.

 

I managed to swallow my tablets this morning, and ate a small yoghurt..... that is it.   Feels so awful, after I thought I was improving.  dont know how long I can last, but what else can I do?

[Fresh]

You're doing it ang.    You don't have to do anything else , just look after you.  

Have you tried listening to meditation/relaxation cd's.?    I had them playing continuously for a while and it really seemed to help.  I highly recommend trying some.     You can get them really cheap at Vinnies.

xxx

[btdt]

I sure don't have any magic answers for you Ang but i know what I keep hearing on sites like this is get stable... sometimes it is hard to know how to do that... I never really did I went cold turkey and just held on for dear life... I do not recommend it but maybe it beat the alternative... tho I don't know what the alternative could have been when every drug they tried to give me just reacted badly ...so badly I just stopped.. all of them.

 

It seems it was my fate to go ct... 

 

They say pick something and stick with it... I did not know any of this so all I picked was nothing and when doc insisted I stay on this or that med .. I basically could not do it. They made me sicker... I have heard that can happen once the body is sensitized by too many drugs for too long.  I could not even hazard a guess at what is going on with you.. I so would like to help I just don't know how. 

I do wish you peace. 

[ang]

I am in the situation you are.  There is only one  AD  I havent tried, it may or may not work, the rest dont work for me anymore.  Would rather not try it.  If I end up in psych ward, I would have no choice, but will hang on for dear life, here, where I am at present.  Had a bloody awful day, but lots have it worse than me, i am sure.

 

Just hanging tin there, hope tomorrow brings some relief.  Wish i could focus on telly or something, anything.

[ang]

Hi Fresh, wish I could make it out to Vinnies, I went for a half hour walk yesterday, but today cant go anywhere... Hope for a better day tomorrow.x  I havent driven myself anywhere for about a weeks.  I need to go shopping, but just cant do it.  Grateful for my son.

[Skylarblue75]

Thank you for stopping by and for your words of support, hope your doing well today

[btdt]

I am in the situation you are.  There is only one  AD  I havent tried, it may or may not work, the rest dont work for me anymore.  Would rather not try it.  If I end up in psych ward, I would have no choice, but will hang on for dear life, here, where I am at present.  Had a bloody awful day, but lots have it worse than me, i am sure.

 

Just hanging tin there, hope tomorrow brings some relief.  Wish i could focus on telly or something, anything.

You don't have to go out to get relaxation videos.. there are tons on utube. If anything it is hard to pick one as there are so many I like the first one seems the most used always appear at the top of the page. Here is a link to the page...for deep relaxation. 

https://www.google.ca/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=deep%20relaxation%20utube

[btdt]

[ang]

Thankyou so much!  Everyone, it is so great when people reply, my lifeline at present.

 

Well I had to reinstate 12.5 mg Seroquol last night, at about 3.00am after a sleepless night.  Will stick to that each night for a while.

 

The crash, after what is it 5 days?  not taking it was too hard to deal with.  It gives me an appetitie, and at least I can get some sleep.

 

When i eat without it, and sleep OK, will try dumping the 12.5 mg. Only if I can still remain a vegetable at home.

 

Nasty emails from the landlord of my shop.... I need to empty everything out, but I paid rent till end February, but being an ex teacher,

 

And assuming here, he had a breakdown from his teaching job, is on antidepressants, and is as erratic and irrational as I was while on them  (AD)   ........I  am  assuming.  But geez can pick others the same

as I was....        I tell him I am sick, very ill, suffering AD withdrawals?  His response?  I should care about others, I am a hypocondriac, etc etc...   the most irrational emails I have ever got.... but geez I feel so sorry for him... His wife is nice, kind, he aint.  

 

So I believe I chose right to stay off the AD, close the shop..... he is not a healthy landlord for me to have to cope with.

 

Others in the arcade are so kind, generous, understanding....   he aint.        He can call me lazy, hypocondriac, need to care about others, and need to stop acting like a child... omg, all that stuff an ex teacher says........... I feel so, so sorry for him.

 

I even feel sorry for my ex sister in law, now, in hindsight at what these drugs do.  I needed to pay my mortgage, post divorce from her brother. He threatened to have me shot, the police protected me... However,  his sister took over the  stalking, got me sacked from every new job I got.  I lost the house.  She lost her job, because of her relentless stalking......    Why was she so obsessed with destroying me?  I know now AD.,... she started Happy Pills at 17..................

 

Antidepressants made me a not very nice person, obsessed about silly things, that now are so unimportant.  But I never made it my ambition to destroy someones life like my ex sister in law did. 

 

So all these stresses over ten years, get messed up with "was I my real self"......  bit of both.... got out of an abusive family, but now I know the ex is on AD, his new partner is on AD, his sister is on AD, so what do I blame their horrific behaviour on?  Did these drugs mess up their brains, like it has done mine?  Or did their horrific behaviour cause me to lose everything?

 

Keep writing, and caring, thankyou!

 

Feeling poorly.... but at least did the dishes today, and damn will have a shower, somehow...

[ang]

thankyou btdt, if I cant sleep, I will just click the link you provided, thankyou so much.

 

brain too muddled to join utube.

[btdt]

here is another of my favs.

[btdt]

I have never joined utube 

as far as I know nobody has to join to use the site unless you want to put up a video or post a comment... 

I don't want to do either so never bothered getting an account. 

 

That is how it works for me at least it could be different where you live in Canada that is how it is. 

 

wishing you peace

[ang]

Internet is my lifeline, anyone can post links for me to stuff, much apreciated.