WiggleIt: Tardive dyskinesia & dystonia from TCAs/nortriptyline/desipramine; rapid taper & benzo trouble, too

[bluebalu86]

I'm so sorry for all that has happened to you dear WiggleIt. I wish I could make it all go away. I hope you continue to see improvements. Don't lose hope. I know how hard it is. 

[Pugknows]

WiggleIt,

 

Symptom recap: very promising, sweetheart. Improvements are slow and almost indiscernible for both of us, but they are there nevertheless.

 

We jumped at the same time. My walker is the ugly aluminum one I got from the hospital after surgery. I love pink. Maybe I can put stickers on mine.

 

What a beautiful pair we make! Just give us tinfoil hats and shopping carts and we'll be talking to aliens.

 

Hang in there, precious.

 

From one draggy foot to another....Love, Pug

[WiggleIt]

Are you right-handed? I am left-handed, and with my TM, the left side was affected more. Apparently that was common.

 

It is good that your light sensitivity and sound sensitivity have improved a bit!

 

XOXO

Yes, I am right-handed.  Very interesting...

[WiggleIt]

My walker is the ugly aluminum one I got from the hospital after surgery. I love pink. Maybe I can put stickers on mine.

You should DEFINITELY put stickers on yours!!!  I also have a cane and I would like to have one or two stickers on it, maybe some rock band stickers.

[Wildflower0214]

Agh!!!! You need stickers!!!! I vote yes for stickers!!!

[Pugknows]

If I had a cane, I would want one of those Merlin-type jobs with the crystal dome that would conjure up magic. Like a spell to get me out of this mess.

[WiggleIt]

August 3, 2015 - Entering month 10 off meds

36 year old female

 

Visible balding.  Hair loss began in month 7 and has continued extensively.  My hairline is now deformed, especially on the right side.  Scalp showing through, especially on the right side.

[AliG]

 Wiggle, I feel your pain and I know it's excruciating and debilitating.  It's beyond all imagining, what this does to us.  We have to be "super - human", to get through this "torture".   It makes me so angry & sad for us all, but all we can do is support each other.  I'm here for you , as are all of us.  Please let us help you through this.  The hair loss, can turn around, and is not permanent.   You will survive this, but it could take a bit more time, and you might have to be very patient.   Hugs, Ali.

[WiggleIt]

Ali, have you had any luck?  I've been using castor oil, batana, rosemary.  Nothing helps.  I know you are in the same boat.

How do you know it can turn around?  Are there any recovery stories about this?

 

[AliG]

Wiggle, I didn't have it "super " bad, but enough to certainly notice a difference.  Not wanting to plug any brand / product, but I have been using "Kerastase,  Initialiste, and I think it has made a difference. It's "subtle' , but enough that I'm not "freaking out" . whenever I do my hair or look in the mirror.  I hesitate to mention it as we are all so different, and it can come down to the smallest things , to do with hormones / diet/ age & medications, both ones we are on & also those we are off. Sometimes it is just a matter of time, but this product does seem to have helped a bit.  Let me know if you want to know more.  I have also read & heard about it just growing back , when the system is "balanced".   Take Care, love, Ali.

[WiggleIt]

Thank you, Ali. I'll look up those products.

 

So far, I'm waiting for my hormone tests to come back to see if I should change my diet. After having my life ruined by medications, I would never agree to a thyroid med, not even if I knew it would bring my hair back.

[justwanttobefree]

Hi WI, maybe have your iron checked. My hair comes out in clumps when my iron (or even my ferritin) gets too low!

[WiggleIt]

Hello All,

I have not been back to post in a while.  But here is an update.  I am possibly as recovered as I will ever be, but I hesitate to write a "recovery story" because it is not a hopeful ending.  I am one of the people who has ended up with permanent physical damage, although most of my cognitive and emotional symptoms of medication damage have leveled out.

As you all know, I had a muscle injury that was misdiagnosed as "chronic pain", so I was given psych meds in an off-label capacity for pain.  In fact, I should have been given specialized physical therapy for my muscle injury, but I was given very bad physical therapy for the injury, which made the muscle pain worse.  When the pain got worse, doctors said I had a "chronic pain disease" and forced me to take off-label psych meds.  They were quite bullies about it.  

After learning I was misdiagnosed and learning that the off-label psych meds were making everything worse, I got off of them and ended up in the emergency room approximately one dozen times in one month.  On one of those visits to the ER, a finally received a diagnosis: dystonia induced by a medication reaction to rapid withdrawal from TCAs, a rapid withdrawal that my doctors had instructed me to do.   

I am one year and three weeks off of meds and have been left with the following:

-A movement disorder.  Sure, it's WAY better than it was a year ago, but it's not gone.  I need a cane to leave the house.  My hands curl up and stiffen into strange poses, and my right leg drags.  Prior to these meds, I was very athletic.  I was a runner and would weight lift and go dancing on a regular basis.  Although my movement disorder no longer has me bedridden, I have certainly been left physically and neurologically disabled.

 

-Half of my hair has fallen out, and continues falling out.  I am internally preparing myself for the reality that I may need to start purchasing wigs within the upcoming year if the hair loss continues at this pace.  As a young woman, this is excruciatingly emotionally and mentally painful to watch happen to me.

 

-Insomnia and erratic sleeping hours.

 

-Problems breathing.  Improved, but not 100% improved.

 

-On and off internal vibrations, electrical crawling sensations, and pins and needles.  These have greatly improved, but never completely disappeared.

 

-Occasional PGAD.  Luckily, this is is not as bad or as painful as it used to be.  That's something that I feel others with PGAD had not mentioned: it's PAINFUL.  But I do rarely get this anymore, and when I do, it's nowhere near as painful.  But it's sure as hell not normal, like I used to be before meds.

-I am constantly sad.  I live in constant grief over everything that was stolen from me.  I am constantly sad about the broken, ugly body I now live in, that is rapidly getting uglier from hair loss.  Just when I had gotten used to my cane, then my hair, brows, and lashes started falling out.  I am sad at losing my professional and academic careers.  I am sad that I now leech off of my aging parents.  I am sad that I am no longer a happy person, because I do not have things in my life anymore to be happy about.  Before meds, I was working on my job and my education.  I was pretty and athletic.  I brought joy to my friends and family.  Now, I hide in my room, watching my hair fall out.  I don't do anything, I don't make anything, and I don't look like anything.  I constantly grieve over the health and life that were yanked from me.

-My cognition is back, but I've been left with some visual problems, so reading for extended periods of time is difficult for me.  As a former college professor and person whose life goal was getting a PhD, this is heartbreaking.

 

-I can drive again, but only short distances and not on the highway, so I'm pretty isolated, since all my friends live in the city.

 

-Emotionally, I rarely suffer from medication-induced rage anymore, but it does happen occasionally.  When it happens, I die of shame inside.

 

-Emotionally, I rarely suffer from medication-induced depression or anhedonia.  There is a distinct difference from medication-induced emotional problems versus run-of-the-mill emotional difficulties.  Anything that is medication-induced is IMPOSSIBLE TO CONTROL.  Now, I can control my emotions, but I live inside of a daily process of grief, because I do not have a beautiful life anymore.  And I did have a very, very beautiful life before the meds.  I am a different person now, and not in a good way.  I've heard some others say that they are better after their experience with meds, but that is DEFINITELY not true in my case.  I think the people who say that are people who suffered from depression and anxiety before meds, so after they get through withdrawal, they are proud to learn to cope with their issues without meds.  That is not my case.  I was not sad before meds, but now I am because the meds left me physically disabled.  Perhaps if I had not been left with permanent damage, I could go bad to being the happy person I was before.  But I was left permanently damaged, and I'm not going to pretend otherwise.  

-Are you wondering about the original muscle injury, the EASY thing that my doctors screwed up and cost me my body because they IGNORED me when I told them I had gotten hurt—because they had to justify their jobs by overcomplicating a simple matter of a muscle injury?  They are butchers, murderers, and assassins.  Well, I finally found some good physical therapists, so my original muscle injury is 75% better on most days.  Some days it's 50% better.  If I didn't have the medication-induced movement disorder, it would be 80-90% better.  The medication-induced movement disorder prevents me from being able to do the rest of the physical therapy that would make me even better.

 

-I have extreme medication-induced muscle tightness, jerks, spasms, etc.  Tics and twitches.  These have greatly improved, but they are not gone.

 

-I still have problems swallowing, but I can eat solid food again.  I just have to be WAY more careful than everybody else.  My tongue still occasionally twitches.  My throat muscles do occasionally tighten up at random, so I do sometimes still choke on food.

 

-I rarely need my walker anymore, only if I am going far distances, like in a big shopping center.  I do not need other people to push me in a wheelchair anymore.

 

-There are some other odds and ends of damage that I'm left with, but you get the point.  I'm now disabled, must use a cane, and people can see me jerk, twitch, and drag when I walk.  

 

Obviously, this is not a recovery story.  It's not a recovery because, before meds, I was 100% healthy—mentally, emotionally, and physically.  I have been left disabled because of the meds and because of the doctors.  Millions of people have muscle injuries every year and go on to recover completely.  But my doctors messed up my simple diagnosis and left me disabled.  That is a fact.

 

I would like to put this story in the Recovery Section, because I think it's important for it NOT to get buried as new threads pop up, but I don't want to take hope away from others.

Yet, it is OF CRITICAL IMPORTANCE THAT WE DO NOT DENY THAT THESE MEDS DO LEAVE PEOPLE PERMANENTLY DISABLED.

 

I hope that a moderator will consider pinning this story somewhere appropriate.

When I came to this site, people were so helpful and supportive.  I appreciate all their help.  But it is a fact that not all people recover.  It seems to me that the people who recover best are those whose withdrawal symptoms are mostly mental or emotional.  Physical withdrawal symptoms as bad as mine can end up being permanent damage, especially for those manifesting movement disorders.  The good news is that it can improve.  Mine has.  But let's not be naive.  Not everybody recovers.  I'm glad to have my brian back and my emotions back, but I will never stop being bitter that my body was stolen from me.  And, as long as I stay physically disabled, I won't ever go back to being the happy person I used to be.  I may learn to cope, but I'm different now, and not in a good way.  I guess I'm just not one of those "inspiring" handicapped people.  Maybe if I'd been born this way, I'd have learned to make lemonade, but it's disgusting to try to find the silver lining when you have been a victim of medical malpractice.  I'm still trying to find lawyers to take my case, especially since I'm not the only misdiagnosis victim who ended up getting injured by wrong treatment from this specific doctor, but lawyers don't really care about cases that don't have a huge, definite payday.

So, guess what?  The world sucks.  People who never find that out are truly lucky.  

[Altostrata]

WiggleIt, I know it's difficult for you to be optimistic. But the fact is, you have improved in a year.

 

Given the normally glacial pace of recovery from psychiatric drugs and your many serious neurological symptoms, that's real progress. There is no reason to say that you, a young woman, are permanently impaired at your current level of functioning.

 

We've mentioned thyroid several times, what is your thyroid status? Hair falling out is a sign of low thyroid, which can have far-reaching systemic effects.

[WiggleIt]

Thyroid tested fine.  

Estrogen tested low.

Iron low.

Iodine low.

 

Vitamin D low.

 

B12 tested fine in serum levels, but tested deficient in RBC.

 

I am gently supplementing and using dietary changes to address these.

[Purplestars22]

WiggleIt, I am happy to read about so many improvements you have had in just one year. Don't get too discouraged about your other symptoms more healing is on your way as time passes by. In my first year I had minuscule to no improvements. I am reaching two years off from SSRI in December and still have a long list of debilitating symptoms that make me not able to function. We will get there no matter how long it takes.

[WiggleIt]

Considering the fact that someone with medication-induced dystonia just messaged me and they've had it for ten years, I'm done playing the role of hopeful naiveté just to keep everybody on this site happy.  

People do end up permanently disabled.  It's important to keep hope alive for the newbies, but it's also important not to shove denial at those of us who have ended up with long-term damage—which, frankly, is way more people than I originally thought.  Blind hopefulness is extremely disrespectful of our experience as medication victims and is just as bad as doctors who don't listen.  

 

The only people who even remotely understand where I'm coming from are others who have ended up with medication-induced movement disorders, or other levels of permanent damage.

[WiggleIt]

Also, I was mistaken about my thyroid.  Thyroid antibodies ARE low.

[Altostrata]

It's more than premature to say you have permanent damage. You cannot predict your future on the basis of someone else's past.

[Cdav]

Hi Wiggle, it's good to hear from you again. I was wondering how you were doing. 

 

It hurts to read your progress has been very slow and minimal, and how you think this condition is permanent. Like Alostrata says, you shouldn't diagnose your future, based on someone else's story. 

 

My tardive akathisia (also move disorder) resolved with ECT. It might have been permanent or maybe might have lasted a very long time, until I decided to take that drastic measure, I didn't have anything else to lose. I thank God that it helped although it was something very scary at first. 

 

My WD lasted 4 years and a half, sometimes improvement takes a long long time, but it doesn't mean it won't come. I sometimes have depression out of nowhere, no external reason, and am still sensitive to many things. 

 

It's very sad how our lives have been interrupted and changed in such a horrible way because of meds. It's completely understandable to feel like you feel. There are still a lot of negative and broken things in your life, but perhaps, even if you don't have hope for the future anymore, try to enjoy a little bit of anything in the present, even if it's something small or mundane. 

[Cdav]

I have a friend who is a neurophysiologist, he did TMS on me, it helped with depression and for a short time. 

However, he says he uses it on patients with dystonia, and they are doing well. 

It's non invasive. It might be worth a try. I have some studies he sent me. I can send them to you if you want. 

[westcoast]

Hi Wiggle It. I don't blame you for a second for not finding a silver lining and making the best of it.

 

I don't see a way to stop despising the people who don't mind dooming others to movement disorders including both TDs and akathsia, which can be accidentally or willfully misdiagnosed and assaulted with more neuroleptics. It's nightmarish and well-hidden from public view.

 

BTW I  found a case of tardive dyskinesia going away after general anesthesia. I wonder if it was the drugs used or the time spent unconscious. Coincidence doesn't seem likely.

 

http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s004150200073(year:2002)

 

I can't find any follow-up research. I'll write to them.

 

W

[Europa]

Considering the fact that someone with medication-induced dystonia just messaged me and they've had it for ten years, I'm done playing the role of hopeful naiveté just to keep everybody on this site happy.  

 

People do end up permanently disabled.  It's important to keep hope alive for the newbies, but it's also important not to shove denial at those of us who have ended up with long-term damage—which, frankly, is way more people than I originally thought.  Blind hopefulness is extremely disrespectful of our experience as medication victims and is just as bad as doctors who don't listen.  

 

The only people who even remotely understand where I'm coming from are others who have ended up with medication-induced movement disorders, or other levels of permanent damage.

It's been just a few hours since I've become a member of this site.  The angry voice that you give to your dystonia echoes how I feel about my situation and my body.  I'm equally as fearful about the possibility that this could be a permanent thing.  The idea of having to live in this body for the remainder of my life is just unimaginable... I don't think I have that sort of courage to go through with it.  It's been a little less than a year since I started experiencing tardive dystonia in trunk, neck, and hips.. it's just been utter hell and isolation.  

 

Just wanted to reach out to you and commiserate in your suffering.  I share a lot of your experiences.  Had an impossible time trying to find an attorney.  Neuros have been for the most part unhelpful.  Hoping to start physical therapy with a clinic that specializes in movement disorders starting in the new year.  Not sure if that will be of any benefit, since any movement seems only to exacerbate my symptoms.  

[WiggleIt]

Hey All!!!
 

I'm back to give my occasional update.

In October 2015, which was 11 months off meds, I started to hit a wave of regression, where some acute symptoms came back.  That pattern has lasted and it is now December 2015, plus I have developed NEW problems at more than one year off the meds.

Here are the NEW problems developed at one year off:

-eczema on hands
 

-itching all over body, desperate itching
 

-sensations of things crawling inside my skin, like the stereotype of what drug addicts are associated with.  I KNOW there is nothing on or inside my skin, but the sensations are EXACTLY what it feels like when a bug is crawling on you and you brush it away.  It also feel like what you might image a worm would feel like wriggling inside your skin.  It is a faulty neurological signal that tells your skin nerves something is there when it isn't.

-brain fog has returned, albeit not as bad as before

 

-Akathisia in my feet, which won't stop fidgeting back and forth right now.  They just keep moving back and forth

 

-Stomach problems, bad

 

I am sorry to express this, because sometimes I do have good days, but the fact is that I remain severely disabled, unable to work, unable to leave my house very much.

Winter has been a HORRIBLE setback.  I suffered a SEVERE sinus infection and cough that lasted for over a month.  Ever since that, I had been shoved back into an almost-acute wave, plus developed new problems.

Again, I must stress that ALL of this is medication-induced.  Prior to meds, I was healthy.

I am still seeking attorneys to try and bring a case.

Most people heal, but not everyone.  For the victims, it's important to remember that most people heal, because it keeps them looking forward, but for the rest of the world, it MUST be acknowledged that people are left permanently disabled.  We CANNOT turn a blind eye to that, or we will NEVER get justice.
 

There seems to be a hard balance in these groups between finding hope versus living in denial.  

[WiggleIt]

Whoops, I did not proof read, so there were some typos above.

 

Wishing as much healing as possible to everyone.

[bubble]

Thank you for updating, thank you for keeping the fight.

 

Reading through your posts even when you say things are awful for good doesn't make me pessimistic. On the contrary, I fear empowered and inspired to see how much a human being can endure for so long.

 

I see you improving, so slowly that it might not be visible especially not to you but I feel it. I have no choice but feeling hope for myself, for all of us, including you. And I admire you

[WiggleIt]

Thank you for updating, thank you for keeping the fight.

 

Reading through your posts even when you say things are awful for good doesn't make me pessimistic. On the contrary, I fear empowered and inspired to see how much a human being can endure for so long.

 

I see you improving, so slowly that it might not be visible especially not to you but I feel it. I have no choice but feeling hope for myself, for all of us, including you. And I admire you

Wow, bubble, what a beautiful thing to say.  Thank you.  I really needed to hear that right now.

 

Love and healing to you.

 

[luv2knit]

Wiggle, thank you for stopping by my thread. I agree with bubble. I do see you improving, though it might not seem like it to you.

 

Months 4 through 10 were a constant downhill slide for me. I don't think I started to turn a corner until about month 13, and even that was hard to see. At month 17, it's been pretty rough for the last month, but I have to hang on to the belief that it will get better--for all of us!!

 

XOXO

[direstraits]

Hi, Wiggleit-

   I just wanted to say that itching can be a sign of healing,according to the thread Alto posted in Symptoms and self care( not good with links). check it out,I think its titled "what's happening in our brains".

 

please don't give up hope,things can get better.xo

[WiggleIt]

UPDATE:

Thrown back to acute today.  Yesterday and past days were near-acute.  Today back to acute, no mistake.

My left leg now no longer works.    

For the past year, my right leg has dragged due to the dystonia, but my left leg worked normally.  Within past 24 hours, left leg has begun to drag, meaning I can no longer without severe shuffling.  It truly looks like the shuffling legs of elderly people who have had strokes and suffered neurological damage and have not recovered their ability to walk.  It looks very obviously handicapped.  

[bubble]

I can't even imagine how scary this is. Or I can in a way after experiencing my brain shutting down on me and not being able to interact with people around me.

 

But after I read your update the first thing that came to my mind is what I read how changing of symptoms actually means the brain is healing. I don't know if you had a chance to see a thread Alto started recently. It is something that further supports our hope. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/10914-what-is-happening-in-your-brain/

 

I will quote the part which is particularly important to me: First of all, a TRUTH to accept is that WE HEAL.  I have seen people emerge from comas who cannot remember who they are - HEAL.

They can't remember how to walk (we do).
They can't write their names (we can).
They cannot tell you the year or the president (I was SO bad I was unsure of this at times, but generally, I was oriented to this).
They often cannot remember family members (we can -our D/R can be hideous, but we remember them).
THEY have to work through many hours of therapy to heal. But most of them do - and from TRAUMATIC PHYSICAL brain trauma that can tear tissue and tear nerves.
We have none of that. We don't have to undergo therapy. We simply have to wait.

 

NERVE REGENERATION CAN CAUSE UNPLEASANT SENSATIONS. As counterintuitive as it is,  HEALING CAN FEEL LIKE HURT. 

But it's NOT further hurt or damage. It's the REVERSAL of damage. 

 

It is a lengthy post and it took me a lot of time to read it but it was well worth it. As I said I admire your endurance and perseverance. You have every right to be bitter. But you also have a right to look at examples that support our hope.

[UnfoldingSky]

Hi Wiggle,

 

Like everyone else I am upset to read of your ongoing struggles, though am heartened to hear you have had some improvements.

 

I have developed some of the problems you got recently (stomach issues, eczema) and I have noticed some others have gotten them too.

 

With regards the eczema there's a thought apparently that it involves too little exposure to sunlight, or so someone told me.  I noticed with mine it was much improved (as in, eventually nearly gone) at the end of the summer after I deliberately spent a lot of time outside--and as winter deepens it is getting worse again.

 

So possibly this can be controlled for to some extent if you can get outside enough in the summer. Though I honestly have no real idea if what I was told was really true, maybe it's a coincidence.

 

Also I'm not sure if you managed to treat the deficiencies listed above but possibly they account for some of your problems.  I developed lowish iron too, and my hair fell out a lot (I have a natural tendency towards hair loss anyway but this was absurdly bad for a while.)  I was taking some foods that are higher in iron and then also a pretty low dose liquid supplement. I am afraid to try a higher one. I still wonder if maybe I could use more.

 

And I had very low vit. D, which was causing or worsening some symptoms like fatigue and bone pain. I was able to correct it eventually with supplements.  I don't know if you can tolerate any supplements yet, at a year off there was only one I could manage, but if you can't you could try eating a lot of salmon or tuna (it's said canned fish has only a negligible amount of toxins, at least that's what I read) since they have D.

 

I hope your leg is functioning again too...perhaps it's giving out due to having to overcompensate for the other?  Sorry to read you were so sick as well.

 

The amount of bravery you must have to get through this is remarkable.

 

I desperately hope too that you get somewhere with this legally, this shouldn't still be happening to others!  And not that money fixes this but you surely deserve a hefty settlement.

 

May the New Year bring lots of healing for you and everyone else here.

 

US

[WiggleIt]

Hi Wiggle,

 

Like everyone else I am upset to read of your ongoing struggles, though am heartened to hear you have had some improvements.

 

I have developed some of the problems you got recently (stomach issues, eczema) and I have noticed some others have gotten them too.

 

With regards the eczema there's a thought apparently that it involves too little exposure to sunlight, or so someone told me.  I noticed with mine it was much improved (as in, eventually nearly gone) at the end of the summer after I deliberately spent a lot of time outside--and as winter deepens it is getting worse again.

 

So possibly this can be controlled for to some extent if you can get outside enough in the summer. Though I honestly have no real idea if what I was told was really true, maybe it's a coincidence.

 

Also I'm not sure if you managed to treat the deficiencies listed above but possibly they account for some of your problems.  I developed lowish iron too, and my hair fell out a lot (I have a natural tendency towards hair loss anyway but this was absurdly bad for a while.)  I was taking some foods that are higher in iron and then also a pretty low dose liquid supplement. I am afraid to try a higher one. I still wonder if maybe I could use more.

 

And I had very low vit. D, which was causing or worsening some symptoms like fatigue and bone pain. I was able to correct it eventually with supplements.  I don't know if you can tolerate any supplements yet, at a year off there was only one I could manage, but if you can't you could try eating a lot of salmon or tuna (it's said canned fish has only a negligible amount of toxins, at least that's what I read) since they have D.

 

I hope your leg is functioning again too...perhaps it's giving out due to having to overcompensate for the other?  Sorry to read you were so sick as well.

 

The amount of bravery you must have to get through this is remarkable.

 

I desperately hope too that you get somewhere with this legally, this shouldn't still be happening to others!  And not that money fixes this but you surely deserve a hefty settlement.

 

May the New Year bring lots of healing for you and everyone else here.

 

US

 

Oh, Sky, I am SO happy to hear from you and have wondered about you often!!!  Thank you for the lovely advice about vitamin D and iron.  I must count on natural food sources and sunlight for these, since I have adverse reactions to all supplements, even in low doses.

 

I'm sorry that you've suffered the same problems as I, but hope they've gotten better for you!

[WiggleIt]

Month 14 off meds, new problem developed:

Swollen right arm, stiff, cold, achy, numb, and with slightly marbled skin.

 

 

 

But there was some good news today, too:

 

My mom helped me host a small dinner party for my closest girlfriends.  Truly, my mom did all the work, and it was so kind of her to do everything so that I could see my friends that I haven't seen in over a year.  I was in pretty bad shape today, but I managed to fake partial wellness and have fun, despite all the physical pain.  I can say that I experienced a few hours today of being mentally and emotionally close to my old self, despite no longer physically being my old self.

[WiggleIt]

Month 14 off meds:

Swelling and pain in right arm remains present.  

Blinding migraines in right side of head on and off all day.  

Eczema on hands mostly cleared up, and now seems to be developing on right foot.

 

Found a very scary article stating that tricyclics are known to damage lymph nodes, may cause lymphatic cancer, and that swelling and itching (both of which I've recently developed) are two early symptoms of lymphatic cancer, which can take years to show up as full-blown.  Needless to say, I'm terrified.

[bubble]

That's I avoid reading such articles. You can find all sorts of things to support everything on this wide web. My symptoms feel a lot different depending on the kind of attitude I have towards them at any given time. A relatively positive or at least hopeful attitude makes me not only feel better but reduces my symptoms because a lot of how they feel has to do with how we feel them if that makes sense.

 

The only result of your investigation seems to be to make you feel terrified. That's not a really good result. If you are really concerned you could have your lymp nodes check.

 

Other than that it would be best to change the channel. The fact that your symptoms keep changing is the best evidence that this is not permanent...