Brandy Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Thanks joannad and brandy, I havent cursed so much in my life ever and in german it sounds all the more aggressive lol. Please teach me German very soon if that's the case. lol. I'm fed up with my doctor. Trying to find a new one. I meant that the thyroid medication revved up my symptoms because my thyroid wasn't low anymore, so I didn't need so much. In other words, because my thyroid had changed, I was taking too much thyroid medication than I needed, and didn't know it. I only got my thyroid checked about once a year. Very good that you get yours checked regularly! (I didn't even go in to my doctor to tell him I was in withdrawal for almost a year! He was horrified when he saw me.) (That was not the doctor I'm leaving now. The doctor I'm leaving now I just got recently and only saw a couple of times. That was enough with that one, unfortunately.) Melcita, I think you misread my earlier message. That's very understandable when you're in withdrawal. But I did NOT say you would have symptoms after you finish healing. I was saying that even if your thyroid was abnormal and you needed to adjust your medication, you would still have withdrawal symptoms UNTIL you finish healing. In other words, it's normal at your stage of withdrawal to have the symptoms you're having. They really will go away when you heal more. You're still healing right now. That's why you feel as bad as you do. In a while, this will just be a bad memory, and one you won't even think about because you'll be happy again. My withdrawal was so horrible, after a while I didn't think I would heal and enjoy life again. Now I am enjoying life again! You will too! I was "TryingToGetWell" (aka TTGW) on paxilprogress. I also was one of the original members here on Surviving Antidepressants I had horrific and protracted withdrawal from paxil, but now am back to enjoying life with enthusiasm to the max, some residual physical symptoms continued but largely improve. The horror, severe derealization, anhedonia, akathisia, and so much more, are long over. My signature is a temporary scribble from year 2013. I'll rewrite it when I can. If you want to read it, click on http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/209-brandy-anyone/?p=110343 Link to comment
melcita Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 Lol yes dave rammstein is very aggressive. ... Thanks brandy now I understand it better. In wd you seem to filter out things that make everything seem awful and against you. Sure I'll teach you German lol, its a hard language to learn. It's sooooo good to hear that you healed brandy. The only thing I say to my mum all day is "ich glaube mein Gehirn ist kaputt" wich means, I think my brain is damged or "ich will nicht mehr" which means, I don't want to do this anymore....and i really don't. Bloody groundhog day. Are you allowed to post YouTube videos here? If so: German Language Compared to other Languages: http://youtu.be/ZlATOHGj9EY Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkeyFeb-march promethazineFeb-march dekapoteMarch-april st. Johns wortApril-may dekapote Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic 11 Months of pure Hell Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ten0275 Posted December 22, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 22, 2014 i promise you that when bladder incontinence was one of my withdrawal issues, that video would have made me pee right here at my work desk as the laughter was produced. each german word is delivered with the delicateness a hammer between the eyes. INTENSE! and awesome. thank you for the second laugh of the day. trying to laugh got me through a lot of those long days, it still does. they say there is healing power in laughter, i believe it. hang in there. dave 1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞 Link to comment
melcita Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 I am just so pissed off all the time and so over this. I don't understand why I don't have waves and windows like other people. My symptoms seem like they are me now, just constant. Ugghhhh Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkeyFeb-march promethazineFeb-march dekapoteMarch-april st. Johns wortApril-may dekapote Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic 11 Months of pure Hell Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted December 22, 2014 Moderator Share Posted December 22, 2014 Hi melcita-- It can't be explained because it won't leave. The original fear is a product of the drugs and is purely an emotion and in fact it can't hurt you, it just feels really uncomfortable. If you are afraid of this fear then you are adding what is called "secondary fear" to the mix and that compounds the original fear and they play against each other and keep compounding and building. The best thing I have found do is to practice AAF (Acknowledge, Accept, Float). You Acknowledge that the fear is there an you are really feeling it, Accept that it can't hurt you and there is nothing you can do about it, then let it Float off as you go on about your life. It takes practice to do, but I have found it very helpful with a variety of things. I have yet to see any proof of permanent brain damage so for me it falls into the same category and should be handled the same way. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Songbird Posted December 22, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 22, 2014 Thanks for the video, ROFL. 2001–2002 paroxetine 2003 citalopram 2004-2008 paroxetine (various failed tapers) 2008 paroxetine slow taper down to 2016 Aug off paroxetine2016 citalopram May 20mg Oct 15mg … slow taper down2018 citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg 18 Nov 3.8mg 2019 15 Mar 3.6mg 21 May 3.4mg 26 Dec 3.2mg 2020 19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg 2021 29 Aug 2.4mg 15 Nov 2.3mg Link to comment
melcita Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 Thanks brassmonekey, Going on with my life is almost, well no impossible, I can't work or interact with friends.I think I am dying all the time or want to die. I can't hold back the tears. I go to shops etc. That's the most I can do. This is just soooooo ridiculous. At least I have my german swearing. I was like a total no swearing person before, working as a pre school teacher.I now am more like a sweaty rough builder swearing at everything and anything. The fear, depression and suicidal ideation is just over the roof. Thanks for being here for me! Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkeyFeb-march promethazineFeb-march dekapoteMarch-april st. Johns wortApril-may dekapote Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic 11 Months of pure Hell Link to comment
melcita Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 Thanks brassmonekey, Going on with my life is almost, well no impossible, I can't work or interact with friends.ich think I am dying all the time or want to die. I can't hold back the tears. I go to shops etc. That's the most I can do. This is just soooooo ridiculous. At least I have my german swearing. I was like a total no swearing person before, working as a pre school teacher.I now am more like a sweaty rough builder swearing at everything and anything. The fear, depression and suicidal ideation is just over the roof. Thanks for being here for me! Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkeyFeb-march promethazineFeb-march dekapoteMarch-april st. Johns wortApril-may dekapote Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic 11 Months of pure Hell Link to comment
Muddles Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Hold on! You will get there! My father lived in Germany for a long time before he came to the UK. We have visited a few times - what a beautiful place! He was Latvian but could speak fluent German. I love the old german folk songs....huge part of my growing up. I hope you find some relief soon....I'm sure you will. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Muddles Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 You will have to teach me some German swearing words - I will not feel so bad in front of my family! 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
melcita Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 I'll get banned from here if I do that. Lol. Apparently many people want swear in german. It seems more revealing than in german I guess lol. There are quite a few recourses for that on YouTube. I LI've England! Used to go there all the time too. Love the humor! I hope so too. But after a year of just counting the minutes and surviving the day I feel like nothing will be good unless its 100% I always worry about the trauma that keeps one in this. I am told so often there is none. But I guess everyone is different and this year has just been horrific, also the stuff that happend to me, because life just doesn't stop because of wd. I too wish you healing, Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkeyFeb-march promethazineFeb-march dekapoteMarch-april st. Johns wortApril-may dekapote Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic 11 Months of pure Hell Link to comment
Muddles Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Yes the trauma!! Although I have heard recently of someone who was suffering so bad and suddenly got better and now wants to forget everything and get on with life again. Once you are healed you will be grateful of life. You won't forget it but your life will be better than it ever has been. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
melcita Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 Yes that's what I've heard too. I hope it really is true. That's the last thing we need! It's just the wd takes its toll. Man left,job gone, home, friends and cat. But I also hear many people experience that too. It's just not fair, but I guess IF we don't have a trauma oder anxiety disorder after this, our appreciation of life will be greater than anyone else's. I'm sitting on the balcony trying to indulge sun, but it smells of cherry shi sha (the water bubble pipe thingk) makes me feel sick. Lol Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkeyFeb-march promethazineFeb-march dekapoteMarch-april st. Johns wortApril-may dekapote Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic 11 Months of pure Hell Link to comment
melcita Posted December 24, 2014 Author Share Posted December 24, 2014 I tried cherry tart juice last night. I slept a few yours, don't know if that helped or crying and yelying for 5 hours. My dad is home for Xmas he had a accident in October, he almost died. I thought I could at least give him a big real ment smile for Xmas. I don't know how to deal with the constant suicidal ideation it's brutal. and I don't even know what I'm feeling. Is it depression or anxiety it's just down right horrific. .. Merry Xmas. The Germans celebrate it on Xmas eve. I wont be though, will be home alone, because I can't keep the tears in Xoxo Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkeyFeb-march promethazineFeb-march dekapoteMarch-april st. Johns wortApril-may dekapote Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic 11 Months of pure Hell Link to comment
WinningThrough Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 I'm so glad you slept a few hours last night. I know it's not much but it's an improvement. I hope this means your sleep will start getting better for you. I'm glad your dad is home for Christmas. Thinking of you. The only way out is through. Aug 2013 - Augmentin leading to akathisia Sept-Nov 2013 - Citalopram 20mg, severe reaction, off at 5mg. Valium 4mg, prn Oct 2013 - 5 zopiclone tablets, 7.5mg End Nov 2013-end Feb 2014, Seroquel, top dose 150mg, off at 25mg End Nov 2013-early march 2014, Zoloft 100mg top dose, off at 25mg End Dec-2013-early April 2014, lorazepam 1mg prn April 3rd 2014 zoloft 5mg for a few days. 18/4/14 - zoloft, 1mg. Came off at 0.35 mg,14th June 2014 29 June 2014 - 1mg lorazepam, last ever 29 June 2014 - med free Link to comment
melcita Posted December 24, 2014 Author Share Posted December 24, 2014 Thanks winning! Xx Hope your a little better days are still with you. my dad's actually very grumpy lol, so it isn't that easy and I'm soooooo aggressive all the time. I still can't believe the intensity of this and always think there must be something wrong like awfully which is not wd. I'll still bring german culture to all of you lol Here a strange german Xmas song used to be my favorite as a child! Ratachinga! Rata! Bumm! Mary Roos - Eine Muh, eine Mäh, eine Täterätätä: Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkeyFeb-march promethazineFeb-march dekapoteMarch-april st. Johns wortApril-may dekapote Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic 11 Months of pure Hell Link to comment
Muddles Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Melcita - I am thinking of you. Thank you for that video - it reminds me of my father who passed this time last year. He would have loved it and has given me a little comfort. It will be different for you this time next year. Keep strong. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
WinningThrough Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Loving the video! It reminds me of the Sound of Music! The only way out is through. Aug 2013 - Augmentin leading to akathisia Sept-Nov 2013 - Citalopram 20mg, severe reaction, off at 5mg. Valium 4mg, prn Oct 2013 - 5 zopiclone tablets, 7.5mg End Nov 2013-end Feb 2014, Seroquel, top dose 150mg, off at 25mg End Nov 2013-early march 2014, Zoloft 100mg top dose, off at 25mg End Dec-2013-early April 2014, lorazepam 1mg prn April 3rd 2014 zoloft 5mg for a few days. 18/4/14 - zoloft, 1mg. Came off at 0.35 mg,14th June 2014 29 June 2014 - 1mg lorazepam, last ever 29 June 2014 - med free Link to comment
melcita Posted December 24, 2014 Author Share Posted December 24, 2014 Oh I love the sound of music! I can sing along to all of it lol! My favourite song from the film! The Sound of Music Soundtrack - 8 - The Lonely Go…: Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkeyFeb-march promethazineFeb-march dekapoteMarch-april st. Johns wortApril-may dekapote Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic 11 Months of pure Hell Link to comment
melcita Posted December 24, 2014 Author Share Posted December 24, 2014 Oh I'm sorry muddles! I can imagine how that feels! My thoughts are with you too. Almost lost my dad too 3 months ago! There are many nice Xmas songs on YouTube! Oh look muddles this is for you a playlist of a few german Xmas songs! Deutsche Weihnachtslieder: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxZcGibP0wnArilTtXiwRBwVUhj9yNims Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkeyFeb-march promethazineFeb-march dekapoteMarch-april st. Johns wortApril-may dekapote Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic 11 Months of pure Hell Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 LOL..swearing, sweaty builder LOL Sorry you feel so bad, I do too, if that is any consolation..but thanks for the laughs 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
melcita Posted December 24, 2014 Author Share Posted December 24, 2014 It is consolation. .. I try to keep my humor even though I don't feel it at all. And come to think of it I am actually a tiny woman.nothing like a Bulider at all. I don't know what it is but I am in such full blown rage most of the time.I'm soooo aggressive. Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkeyFeb-march promethazineFeb-march dekapoteMarch-april st. Johns wortApril-may dekapote Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic 11 Months of pure Hell Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Yes I had that rage as well..awful..especially since anger, never mind rage is considered an emotion that's not ok to suppress. Xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Im so glad to hear that you slept for a few hours!!! It will continue to get better. Probably not in a linear kind of way, but better nonetheless!!! 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
melcita Posted December 24, 2014 Author Share Posted December 24, 2014 Thanks jdm! It's so nice of you all to care. God this is the worst Xmas ever. ...first Xmas without my bf and alone at home..... Hope you feel better too! Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkeyFeb-march promethazineFeb-march dekapoteMarch-april st. Johns wortApril-may dekapote Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic 11 Months of pure Hell Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Thanks jdm! It's so nice of you all to care. God this is the worst Xmas ever. ...first Xmas without my bf and alone at home..... Hope you feel better too! I'm just so happy you have slept. I have these issues. Awful. 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
tgirl Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Hello M, Glad to hear you got some much needed sleep! Hope you Christmas is lovely! April 2014 remeron 45mg. June 2014 abilify 2.5 remeron wasn't working so abilify was then added September 2014 woke up with anxiety x 100!!!! Pdoc then took me from 45 to 7.5 within a month and took abilify from 2.5 to 0 Currently Remeron 7.5 Vitamin d 5,000 iu taking for about 3 years October 2014 added fish oil/omega 3 1000 mg per day Levothyroxitine 100 10 years or so Dec 2014 started tapering 10% every 10 days-no problems. August 2015 down to 0.1 mg Woke up with severe anxiety-sleep issues-racing thoughts-depression. 9/9/15 up dose 1 mg. Link to comment
melcita Posted December 24, 2014 Author Share Posted December 24, 2014 Thanks tgirl. It isn't, but maybe next year. Hope you have a nice Xmas! Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkeyFeb-march promethazineFeb-march dekapoteMarch-april st. Johns wortApril-may dekapote Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic 11 Months of pure Hell Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Songbird Posted December 24, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 24, 2014 I don't know how to deal with the constant suicidal ideation it's brutal. You observe it, realising it is not you, just chemical BS in your head. I call it the "Doomcloud" to help me separate it from myself. When you observe the Doomcloud doing its negative stuff, you can say to yourself "oh, there's the Doomcloud again" or "there's another stupid Doomcloud thought". You can give it any name you like, choose something that seems right to you. If you need to cry that's okay, I think it can actually be a good thing. Sometimes I think it is a chemical thing, just wanting to cry for no apparent reason, but still it is usually good to let it out. Probably better to cry than take out anger on other people. Very glad to hear that your dad survived. I hope you can find some comfort in each other, even if you can't feel truly joyous this season. I will still wish you a Fröhliche Weihnachten! 2001–2002 paroxetine 2003 citalopram 2004-2008 paroxetine (various failed tapers) 2008 paroxetine slow taper down to 2016 Aug off paroxetine2016 citalopram May 20mg Oct 15mg … slow taper down2018 citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg 18 Nov 3.8mg 2019 15 Mar 3.6mg 21 May 3.4mg 26 Dec 3.2mg 2020 19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg 2021 29 Aug 2.4mg 15 Nov 2.3mg Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted December 25, 2014 Moderator Share Posted December 25, 2014 Yes anger and rage are ones we shouldn't suppress, but they are the first ones you are called down for if you do show them. I find that very frustrating. Here's some Christmas Hugs ((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))) 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
melcita Posted December 25, 2014 Author Share Posted December 25, 2014 Thanks songbird and brassmonekey! Same to you too.... Another day in hell, am so discouraged. What to scream and rip my skin off. This is so hard......can't be doing this so severe for much longer. I hope it's true everyone heals. Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkeyFeb-march promethazineFeb-march dekapoteMarch-april st. Johns wortApril-may dekapote Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic 11 Months of pure Hell Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 It is! I'm in a miserable boat myself. My thread might make you feel less alone. It's a bit frightening. but, it always helps me to know I'm not alone in this misery. So, read at your own risk. Hang in there friend. 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
melcita Posted December 25, 2014 Author Share Posted December 25, 2014 I read through parts of it. I guess we're all in a bad place some way or another.....its just so unfair and enough is really enough. Hope for some of you Xmas is going good... sometimes I really get worried alot of this is me .....because it's been too long and horrific or maybe I'm just really broken hearted. ... Xoxo Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkeyFeb-march promethazineFeb-march dekapoteMarch-april st. Johns wortApril-may dekapote Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic 11 Months of pure Hell Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 It's not you sweetheart. Xoxo You may have a broken heart. But, you can work through that. Akathisia has nothing to do with who you are as a person. 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
melcita Posted December 25, 2014 Author Share Posted December 25, 2014 I mean the severe black depression and wanting to die, I see no joy in life,, Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkeyFeb-march promethazineFeb-march dekapoteMarch-april st. Johns wortApril-may dekapote Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic 11 Months of pure Hell Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 No, that's the drug WD. Are u alone right now? 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now