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Wildflower0214

Identity crisis

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Wildflower0214

I think I'm starting to realize the person I pretended to be for the last ten years is a cover up for who I really am...broken. But, I guess knowing this is the first step in the right direction. Denial surely hasn't done much for me.

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LoveandLight

Or adrenaline rushes..? I'm not sure. This is something that I've been dealing with 7 years and it's very very different to anxiety feeling in the body.

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Risperdrawlin

JDM1984

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btdt

To go with the poem broken

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Wildflower0214

JDM1984

R, this is beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes. This is exactly how I feel. Exactly. Thank you!

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Wildflower0214

To go with the poem broken

I like it!!! It actually had a couple phrases in it that I was already thinking of. :)

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Risperdrawlin

JDM1984 No problem!!

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btdt

there's a crack in everything that's how the light gets in ...reminded me of the poem above 

peace

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Wildflower0214

JDM1984 No problem!!

:) funny how we get what we need sometimes, even when we have no idea what that is. I needed to hear that!

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Wildflower0214

there's a crack in everything that's how the light gets in ...reminded me of the poem above

peace

I was thinking of writing my story about this AD WD experience when I get a bit better. And the title I wanted to use was "how the light gets in"....so very funny it was in the song. :)

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LoveandLight

I want to write about this also WHEN I get better, not if, when! People need to know.

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btdt

 

there's a crack in everything that's how the light gets in ...reminded me of the poem above

peace

I was thinking of writing my story about this AD WD experience when I get a bit better. And the title I wanted to use was "how the light gets in"....so very funny it was in the song. :)

 

I hope you are famously successful :)

Yes things that are meant to be will often happen that way. 

peace

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Wildflower0214

 

 

 

there's a crack in everything that's how the light gets in ...reminded me of the poem above

peace

I was thinking of writing my story about this AD WD experience when I get a bit better. And the title I wanted to use was "how the light gets in"....so very funny it was in the song. :)

I hope you are famously successful :)

Yes things that are meant to be will often happen that way.

peace

Lol. :) I just want to write it, so it is there. So that someone knows. Someone needs to know this happened to all of us.

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btdt

We know that is ENOUGH  :P 

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AliG

I'm glad I found this. It has helped me.   Thank you.

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btdt

I just wrote on Muddles thread if this is ever really over I don't know who I am... and that it is scary.  It is all so confusing after so many years drugged and so many more in withdrawal... how to go on after all that I have lived more of my life drugged and in wd than I have not affected... 

 

that makes me feel sick

 

yet it is mine to own and deal with some how... 

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LoveandLight

Yes makes me feel sick also..

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RockSie

Thanks for this post wildflower..

 

Today i was staying in fornt of my mirror and after 20 seconds my heart starts beating so hard. Then a very scary and strange feeling comes all over me.. It felt like the completly loss of my identitiy. Can't discribe it any better. Now im laying in bed and feel so dizzied.. Disgusting :(

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btdt

I just wrote on Muddles thread if this is ever really over I don't know who I am... and that it is scary.  It is all so confusing after so many years drugged and so many more in withdrawal... how to go on after all that I have lived more of my life drugged and in wd than I have not affected... 

 

that makes me feel sick

 

yet it is mine to own and deal with some how... 

 

I was reading this again as I still relate one more thought hit me a couple actually... 

we were changed by drugs yes I believe who we are can be extremely change by these drugs so are the lives we were meant to lead... all changed as are the lives and the people close to us these are very powerful statements if you think about the paths our lived take after we take the drugs.... 

 

One other thing that has changed is I now understand the world is not a safe place that some very dangerous people are running the things that are corrupted by money and self importance so much so that helping fields in science are leaving me wondering at least for some of these... who are they helping... who is watching to make sure they help those who are paying them... and not the drug companies and not themselves... at the end of the day we are paying them... without us the drug companies would be pennyless... 

 

They seem to be all helping themselves and not us... likely because we were duped... what a scam

 

it is rough to have an identity crisis at the same time you learn your not the only bit broke the systems are broken too... and while we may be broken by drugs and suffering those others who hurt people at will to further themselves when they really do know better... they are broken worse and they have power on their side ... what to do about that is daunting.  Hard to readjust to a world such as this 

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Junglechicken

I'm another broken person, lol (body and mind)

 

Have no idea who I am anymore, or where I fit in in this world.

 

As a newbie dealing with WD, I don't even have a WD identity if that makes sense.

 

I guess I am trying to get my head around the fact that I'm ill but it's not a terminal illness.

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Mjau

Thank you, I love the poem and the song!

Identity crisis here as well

That's how the light gets in!! May this be an opportunity to learn and grow!!

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btdt

I'm another broken person, lol (body and mind)

 

Have no idea who I am anymore, or where I fit in in this world.

 

As a newbie dealing with WD, I don't even have a WD identity if that makes sense.

 

I guess I am trying to get my head around the fact that I'm ill but it's not a terminal illness.

A wd identity can hold because wd is always shifting and that in itself deepens the identity crisis issue... at different times I thouht ok I have this sorted when this happens I will respond this way or deal that way... and so on and so on.. then wd changed to completely different set of symptoms I did not know and could not deal with... 

 

that is how it has gone for me.. I get some tools to deal with one set of symptoms then the ground moves and I am in another country where I have to learn a new language. 

 

Who else could you be but a splintered broke self... or maybe when it is done a multi dimensional personality with astounding adaptability...  ya even I know that is a bill of goods but there is a slim chance it could happen maybe if we lived at Disney Land... :)

I can't even guess as so far there is this shifting... that blurs the odds to the point i can't seem them straight. It feels like a gamble and some win ... 

 

So far I am not saying I am a winner... but maybe one day. Maybe just staying alive is winning... maybe finding and keeping some peace is winning... they say losers always change the game so their losses don't look so bad maybe that is what I am doing or maybe I am now playing my own game where peace is top of the food chain.... 

 

maybe we need to make our own game so when we win we feel like we are actually winning having peace in my life after so much struggling feels like a win.. no matter how little any amount of peace is wondrous to me now.  So I don't care too much of others definitions but I do care to have a roof and food..please if that is not too much to ask... lol long winded sorry...

wishing you peace

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btdt

Thank you, I love the poem and the song!

Identity crisis here as well

That's how the light gets in!! May this be an opportunity to learn and grow!!

:) 

I love this song too should play it more actually 

peace to you Majau

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Mjau

I listened to it now again. I find it soothing, comforting. My heart palpitations feel a little lighter :)

Peace to you too btdt!

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Junglechicken

Well explained btdt.

 

I think this is why I have struggled with my "WD identity", because as you say our symptoms are always shifting and so it is hard to keep up and get used/adapt and accept when we never know what's coming next.

 

Yes, this really is a spiritual journey more than anything, as it forces you to focus on what's important in life and be grateful that you're still alive and surviving this.

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btdt

JC I have been looking at old things I have saved and one of them is about consciousness while using these drugs... for me it took great effort to write and I can't quite get it to show properly ...(no computer skills)

 

I was fighting with it awhile ago but did not read it all as it is long and may send to a place I don't want to be this close to bedtime... but I did read a part of slipping in and out of a conscious state... varying states of being would also cause a disruption in identity or could as I see it... 

 

When I have a good spell I will make another attempt to capture it... too frustrated with it just now.  There are a lot of pieces to this cow puzzle... not sure why it is a cow to me ... ;) it gives no milk should be a bull. 

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btdt

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7839-music-what-music-helps-you-put-it-here/?hl=music

 

Music has always been a huge part of my life and in early wd I could not stand sound it has inched back in and I am glad there are still times I can't do sound but there are days I LOVE music and find expressive for the crap times and healing and inspirational for other times.  People have added the songs they like to the thread above... the first song is one that I feel surely fits here 

wishing you peace and happy listening... and dancing ;)

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btdt

it takes a whole village to raise a child maybe it takes a whole village to heal wd I surely would not want to be doing this alone thanks for being part of my journey

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India
On 12/22/2014 at 12:55 AM, Junior said:

This is likely to be the result of a grief reaction.  I believe many of us in w/d grieve for what we  have lost.  Unfortunately I don't have time right now to expand on this - as I have a shift coming up in a few minutes.  I do volunteer telephone counselling related to loss and grief.  You might want to look up resources on loss and grief.  I once went through profound grief and lost my identity too. To say nothing of how the experienced changed my spiritual beliefs!

 

I'll try to pop back soon and give you more information.  Just know that in terms of grief, what you are feeling is normal and natural.

 Grief explains it well. That is often what it feels like. A deep and raw grief .

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