Songbird: a little about me

[brassmonkey]

Hi Songbird--  it's great to hear that things are calming down and you're feeling better.  The thing about teaching music sounds great, just may take some time to get going.  Best of luck with it.

 

One of the "good things" about going through this whole mess is that it burns away all the extraneous stuff and exposes the core "problems" very clearly and we have nothing we can do but to face them and make the changes necessary to get on with it.  Very painful the whole way around, but so worth it in the end.  And as with WD it gets easier as you work through it.  The changes fall into place and the new strategies take hold and compound each other until it all works the way it's meant to. (unlike my fingers that can't seem to hit two correct keys in a row right now.)

[ladybug]

Songbird, I am so happy to hear you are feeling more stable! And the music business idea sounds absolutely perfect. It does make you think whether these things happen for a reason doesn't it? I would love to hear more about your coping strategies/relaxation exercises as they have worked so well for you. One thing you mentioned years ago that I still hold with me is the mantra "Whatever happens I'll get through it." When I was seeing a therapist during my last bad patch she had me make a vision board and I put this mantra right in the center.

[nz11]

Glad you are feeling better SB.

What a great idea to be your own boss.

Im sure you will have no problem getting business many people want music lessons.

[Songbird]

I use progressive muscle relaxation a lot - starting with my toes and feet, squeezing the muscles tight for about six seconds, then releasing them for about six seconds, then the same things with the legs, butt, abdominals, hands, arms, head, face, etc.  I just work from one end of the body to the other.  Sometimes when I'm very tense I'll go through the whole thing twice.

 

For the positive self-talk, I often use what I call the "stuck record" technique.  I just repeat a phrase over and over, e.g. if I'm anxious I will repeat "I relax and let go, I relax and let go, I relax and let go, I relax and let go, I relax and let go".  The constant repetition helps to prevent negative thoughts from taking hold.  I have a wonderful recording called "Inner Talk for Peace of Mind" by Susan Jeffers that I sometimes play, and then I use some of the affirmations from that according to the situation.  For example, if I'm feeling overwhelmed with everything I have to do, or if I am afraid and "what if"-ing about the future, I might repeat "One step at a time is enough for me" over and over.

 

Thanks for reminding me about "Whatever happens, I'll get through it", Ladybug.  I think I'll start using that one again, too.

 

I read a lot, just for pleasure, usually mysteries or sometimes fantasy, and I just finished a book today in which the main character is counselled to always remember that she has "agency".  That really struck me - we all have agency.  I don't think I ever really felt like I did, maybe now its time to finally learn.

 

Thanks, everyone for posting here, your support means a lot.

[KarenB]

And thanks to you Songbird - the idea of progressive muscle relaxation is new to me, and I'm sitting here trying it now.  Such an easy and immediate thing to do. 

 

I'm glad things are continuing to fall into place on your pathway - really happy for you.

 

Karen

x

[ladybug]

Thanks for the suggestions, Songbird! I've tried progressive muscle relaxation before during bad patches, but I have a bad habit of letting all that go by the wayside once I start feeling better. Did some last night and it helped. Going to try your other suggestions too.

[grandmaD]

I wish you much success with your business idea, something you will truly enjoy no doubt!

[Songbird]

I have a bad habit of letting all that go by the wayside once I start feeling better.

 

Yes, me too!  But it's always there when you really need it, and I think that's when it helps the most.

 

Well, I was doing a lot better but have slightly resensitised my system again when the IRD didn't pay me as much as I was expecting so I started freaking out about money again.  However, I'm a lot less depressed in recent days so I've managed to mostly stay positive.  I refuse to let this crap beat me.

[KarenB]

Thanks for the nice uplifting post SB - always good to read about others managing the tough stuff. 

 

I think the IRD makes everybody more sensitised than usual...

[Songbird]

I think the IRD makes everybody more sensitised than usual...

 

 

Had a rubbish day again yesterday after a night when I woke at 4 a.m. with anxiety and couldn't get back to sleep - I think it sensitised my system worse.  I also had another disappointment when someone pulled out of an arrangement that I had big hopes for, so I feel like I've been kicked in the guts about three times in a row recently.  It's not quite back to square one but back a few squares anyway.  Anxiety, worry (anxious rumination), mood swings, crying fits, emotional storms, no appetite, feeling worthless and trapped and helpless.  Weirdly, every now and then the crap would lift and I'd feel fine for a short while.

 

Went back to the zopiclone last night and felt better today.  Still not good, but much better than yesterday.  Withdrawal makes all the issues from the "inner child" get magnified 100 times and it takes over.  No longer an adult but a scared, miserable child.  At times I feel like two completely different people in the same body.  It would be nice if I could figure out how to permanently release some of this stuff so it doesn't keep controlling my life.

 

I'm reading a book about overcoming fear using mindfulness, which is helpful.  I've never been much for meditating, cause I'm pretty rubbish at it, but I tried it again last night and this morning and it definitely helped to calm things somewhat.  I'll probably take another zopiclone tonight and until things begin to settle again.  I only used it for about a week last time, so at this stage I'm not too concerned about it, but being very careful.

 

Thanks for being here for me, you guys, it helps a lot.

[AliG]

Songbird.  I'm sorry you had a bad day, yesterday . Lack of sleep , can take you there along with the heightened " neuro - emotions " that seem to accompany it !  This is all a huge challenge , that can be very tiring at times. You have a positive outlook though , in terms of " not giving in ". I know this will help to get you through it as it's one of the " key "  attitudes to ensure success, in the long term . Please , be careful with the Zopiclone.

Hugs,

Ali 

[brassmonkey]

Meditating takes a lot of practice and can be very frustrating at first.  Going in expecting what you get instead of what you want really helps.  One key thing I learned was to see with my mind without actively thinking about what was being visualized. It can't be taught, only learned.  That is where "guided meditations" are more effective, because you don't have to think about what is happening, just experience it.  It's one of those times when the harder you try the worse the results.

 

I found the teachings of John Bradshaw to be very helpful when working with my inner child.

[Songbird]

Thanks, Brass, I'll look him up.  I feel like this is a time for me to do a lot of learning - it's painful, but it would be a waste going through all the pain without learning something out of all this.  I think you're right about meditating - when I've tried it in the past I have felt frustrated that I wasn't doing it "right".  This time I'm thinking of it more like a relaxation exercise.

 

Thanks, Ali, it does get tiring, that's for sure.  I'm being very careful with the zopiclone.  I only use it for a short period to prevent lack of sleep from keeping the nervous system sensitised.

 

I was feeling quite upset at having to go through this all again after just about getting over the last bout, however this time seems to be not as bad.  It can get a bit frustrating that the nervous system can be sensitised very quickly, but takes many weeks to settle back down again.  I compare what I know now to when my original anxiety hit post-partum all those years ago.  Back then I had no idea what had hit me and was terrified.  I now know what is going on, and I know that it does settle down eventually, and I know techniques to help it settle down faster.

[Fresh]

Hi Songbird , I've been saving a cool article for a moment just like this .

 

It's about how meditating on a regular basis changes the structure of the brain.

 

Buddhist and meditation teacher Tara Brach leads a Vipassana meditation group at the River Road Unitarian Church in Bethesda. (Andrea Bruce Woodall/The Washington Post)

Sara Lazar, a neuroscientist at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School, was one of the first scientists to take the anecdotal claims about the benefits of meditation and mindfulness and test them in brain scans. What she found surprised her — that meditating can literally change your brain. She explains:

 

" The first study looked at long term meditators vs a control group. We found long-term meditators have an increased amount of gray matter in the insula and sensory regions, the auditory and sensory cortex. Which makes sense. When you’re mindful, you’re paying attention to your breathing, to sounds, to the present moment experience, and shutting cognition down. It stands to reason your senses would be enhanced.

 

We also found they had more gray matter in the frontal cortex, which is associated with working memory and executive decision making.

 

Q: Why did you start looking at meditation and mindfulness and the brain?

 

Lazar: A friend and I were training for the Boston marathon. I had some running injuries, so I saw a physical therapist who told me to stop running and just stretch. So I started practicing yoga as a form of physical therapy. I started realizing that it was very powerful, that it had some real benefits, so I just got interested in how it worked.

 

The yoga teacher made all sorts of claims, that yoga would increase your compassion and open your heart. And I’d think, ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m here to stretch.’ But I started noticing that I was calmer. I was better able to handle more difficult situations. I was more compassionate and open hearted, and able to see things from others’ points of view.

 

I thought, maybe it was just the placebo response. But then I did a literature search of the science, and saw evidence that meditation had been associated with decreased stress, decreased depression, anxiety, pain and insomnia, and an increased quality of life.

 

At that point, I was doing my PhD in molecular biology. So I just switched and started doing this research as a post-doc.

 

Q: How did you do the research?

 

Lazar: The first study looked at long term meditators vs a control group. We found long-term meditators have an increased amount of gray matter in the insula and sensory regions, the auditory and sensory cortex. Which makes sense. When you’re mindful, you’re paying attention to your breathing, to sounds, to the present moment experience, and shutting cognition down. It stands to reason your senses would be enhanced.

 

We also found they had more gray matter in the frontal cortex, which is associated with working memory and executive decision making.

 

 

It’s well-documented that our cortex shrinks as we get older – it’s harder to figure things out and remember things. But in this one region of the prefrontal cortex, 50-year-old meditators had the same amount of gray matter as 25-year-olds.

 

So the first question was, well, maybe the people with more gray matter in the study had more gray matter before they started meditating. So we did a second study.

 

We took people who’d never meditated before, and put one group through an eight-week mindfulness- based stress reduction program

 

What did you find?

 

Lazar: We found differences in brain volume after eight weeks in five different regions in the brains of the two groups. In the group that learned meditation, we found thickening in four regions:

 

1. The primary difference, we found in the posterior cingulate, which is involved in mind wandering, and self relevance.

 

2. The left hippocampus, which assists in learning, cognition, memory and emotional regulation.

 

3. The temporo parietal junction, or TPJ, which is associated with perspective taking, empathy and compassion.

 

4. An area of the brain stem called the Pons, where a lot of regulatory neurotransmitters are produced.

 

The amygdala, the fight or flight part of the brain which is important for anxiety, fear and stress in general. That area got smaller

in the group that went through the mindfulness-based stress reduction program.

 

The change in the amygdala was also correlated to a reduction in stress levels

 

Full article is here https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2015/05/26/harvard-neuroscientist-meditation-not-only-reduces-stress-it-literally-changes-your-brain/

[Songbird]

Thanks for the article, Fresh, that's really interesting!  Of course, you get the most benefit when you practise these things on a regular basis, and that's always something of a challenge for me.  I tend to be rather slack about practising good habits.

[KarenB]

Withdrawal makes all the issues from the "inner child" get magnified 100 times and it takes over.  No longer an adult but a scared, miserable child.  At times I feel like two completely different people in the same body.  It would be nice if I could figure out how to permanently release some of this stuff so it doesn't keep controlling my life.

 

I've had (sometimes still have) a very strong inner child presence.  I tried a lot of different ways of managing it.  Most recently, and most effectively, my counselor got me to do what they call 'Chair work.'  I'd sit in the first chair, slip into my inner child state and really let go - just let her say all the things she wanted to express.  Then, when I was done, my counselor would get me to move to the 2nd chair and slip back into my adult self.  Then I'd respond to my inner child as a grounded adult.  I'd be reassuring, explain to her how I'd keep her safe, let her know that I had all the resources needed to take care of us, and that she could trust me.  

 

After a few sessions of doing that, the process has become more streamlined for me.  I can now do it in my head, and without the counselor to guide me through it.  It's helped me to short-cut a lot of anxiety and fear, especially since being in w/d when, as you say, it all becomes so much more intense.  The key is that your inner child is listened to rather than pushed aside, and that they feel safe.  After all, it is ourselves we are actually talking about here so the results are felt through much of our lives. 

 

My inner child still is with me, but less vocal and anxious since I've gained these understandings.  It might be worth seeing if it's any help to you.

[Songbird]

Thanks, Karen, it's great to hear from others who have struggled with inner child issues.  Yes, I've done that kind of thing, although not with a therapist or physically in chairs.  What happens in w/d when in an anxiety state, the emotions come out as what I call an emotional storm, practically exploding out in a fit of tears and emotional pain.  Sometimes I feel a lot better afterwards.  I've tried the reassuring stuff, I just don't know if it really gets through, and if she's ever gonna feel safe!  You're right on about accepting the inner child, I think I've got better at doing that, as I used to get frustrated and wish she'd just go away and stop ruining my life.  It's the intensity of it that gets overwhelming.

 

It's interesting how we can feel so different depending on the state of the nervous system.  The sensitised state makes thoughts and feelings very different.  People talk about having DP/DR with anxiety, and I've found in these latest "waves" that it felt like my life kind of closed in on me and felt a bit surreal.  I wonder if that's like the DP/DR other people sometimes mention.  It's an odd feeling, kind of creepy and unsettling.  Maybe I've had it before but just didn't think of it that way.  When I've had DP/DR occasionally before it wasn't with anxiety and just felt a bit weird but didn't bother me much.  This was different, like my whole life was strange and surreal.

 

I'm feeling a lot better today, anyway.  Still a bit shaky, but not as much.  I had quite a good day and I'm feeling more positive.

[KarenB]

I hope that you keep feeling a bit better each day. 

 

I can really relate to what you say about wanting your inner child to go away!  I spent a long time trying to get rid of mine, without really understanding that she was me.  Well, it's confusing for sure .  In my experience, after a certain amount of intensity, things do start to ease.  Although my intense stage seemed to last years .  Much longer than I thought it should anyway.  But now I'm through to the more settled stage and looking back, it all seems to make sense and I'm glad I kept finding my way with it.  I feel like I've become more of who I am. 

 

I think you'll find your way with it too, because you are thinking about it and not ignoring it.  Bumping into others on the road is always lovely, but in the end we each just keep finding where our own steps need to fall. 

[grandmaD]

Quote by Brassmonkey  aka Brassbonkey!  I found the teachings of John Bradshaw to be very helpful when working with my inner child.

 

.

I have an excellent book by John Bradshaw called "Healing the same that binds you."

 

Another very good book is "Transormation of the inner man" by John and Paula Sandford described as "the most comprehensive book on inner healing today."

[grandmaD]

It really does rock you boat when you have started to experience some good days and then the storm hits the boat again, filling it up with water, threatening to drown all on board!  GRrrrrrrr!!!

 

I do find that when the anxiety gets beyond mild, that it helps just to have a rest mid morning (I always have one mid afternoon).  This helps with cooking lunch, too as for some stupid reason I get anxious and breathless at that time.  You could read your book or do relaxation/breathing exercises at the same time.

[Songbird]

I was hoping to feel a bit better each day, but that isn't how it's happening.  I'm still struggling with a lot of crap each day.  Today I tried to stay really positive and banned the doomcloud from my thinking, and it helped.  I felt much better emotionally, but the sensitised nervous system is really getting me down.  I know we're supposed to accept and float with it, etc. and I do try but it gets tiring when your adrenals seem to be buzzing away all day.  I feel quite proud of myself for not letting myself get dragged down into negative thinking today. 

 

It seems like ages ago that I was starting to feel close to normal.  Looking back at my posts, it's been a week - hard to believe, it feels like a lot longer!

 

I'm still trying to do a little bit of meditation for a few minutes each day.  It's not much but if I make too big a deal of it, it'll be harder to keep up.  I just think of it as lying still for about ten minutes and breathing.  If it starts to feel good I might stay there for longer.  Sometimes it does, other times not so much.  I also do some progressive muscle relaxation which often helps.  I also massage my tummy muscles when they get tight which usually helps as well.

 

I've started trying to get back into the folk music scene which we played in way back before kids.  It's hard to get out a lot, but getting a bit easier now they're teenagers.  We've been to a couple of club nights recently, and DH has even started talking about performing a song or two in the near future, so I'm very excited.  I feel like I'll be getting another piece of me back.

[brassmonkey]

Playing a few open mic nights should be a lot of fun.  I get suckered in by them and find myself wanting to perform and I can't sing a note or play anything.  I'm glad you're going to be able to get back with it.

[Songbird]

Well, today I feel a little better than yesterday, and yesterday was a little better than the day before.  Before that I seemed to get better then worse again.  I'm holding out hope that I'll keep improving from here.  It really is one shaky step after another.

[grandmaD]

. but the sensitised nervous system is really getting me down.  I know we're supposed to accept and float with it, etc. and I do try but it gets tiring when your adrenals seem to be buzzing away all day.  I feel quite proud of myself for not letting myself get dragged down into negative thinking today. 

 

This is really the bottom line, isn't it.  I have found that when it is screaming loudly, there isn't much you can do.  For a while there I was practising that floating thing and thought it was working, but now I wonder if I was just at a better place.  Last week, my whole nervous system was alive, on fire, with burning, itching and prickling and nothing I did worked.

 

You posted on Brass's journal that the insomnia is sometimes just insomnia and you can just lay there for 2 hours and other times the anxiety comes with it, and you just have to get up.  I have been able to recognise that now, so that helps with wondering what to do - whether to stay in bed and hope to sleep or get up!  If i can't sleep but am not agitated, etc. I can at least tell myself I am resting, which helps. 

[grandmaD]

Well, today I feel a little better than yesterday, and yesterday was a little better than the day before.  Before that I seemed to get better then worse again.  I'm holding out hope that I'll keep improving from here.  It really is one shaky step after another.

So glad to hear this news, I hope for you also that each day will continue to improve for you from now on.  We just never seem to get used to this whole deal, eh, even after being through it for years on end!

[Songbird]

I have found that when it is screaming loudly, there isn't much you can do.  For a while there I was practising that floating thing and thought it was working, but now I wonder if I was just at a better place.  Last week, my whole nervous system was alive, on fire, with burning, itching and prickling and nothing I did worked.

Oh Grandma, that sounds really awful!  Yes, it's funny how we can try certain things and they work, and other times they don't seem to help much, or they're a lot harder to manage.  We start to feel like we're winning the battle, and then for no apparent reason we seem to get worse again.  I felt physically better today, but emotionally worse, back to worrying and ruminating, which I thought I'd beaten for the last few days.  I'm so tired of this roller-coaster.  It's been a couple of months and I thought I'd be stable by now, but instead I feel like I'm going in circles.  I'm finding it hard to feel at all positive tonight.

[grandmaD]

I think we are all fed up and sick and tired of all this.  It is just so sad when you read other people going through the same crap and just isn't fair.  I cannot come to grips with the fact all this is still going on at such low doses, it just doesn't make sense.  The brain must adapt to the small doses and still demands it.  Either that or our brains just aren't healing very quickly because of our age.  Perhaps both!

 

I have been having those days again where I get up and cant wait until its bedtime again.  Look after yourself and be kind to yourself, it has to come good again, soon. 

[Songbird]

Guys, I've taken a turn for the worse.  I'm crashing badly again.  I don't think I can do this any more.  I'm thinking of updosing, but have no idea what dose to go to.  Last time I crashed a small updose didn't work at all.  I was holding it together until tonight.  I've tried to stay positive, and do the Claire Weekes stuff, but I keep getting worse instead of better.  Tonight I'm physically shaking, it's hard to sit still, my legs are trembling.   I felt bad yesterday but it eased in the evening.  Today it's got much worse in the evening.

[AmyK]

Songbird, I am so sorry you feel like this. You have been so patient. Is it the recent stressor about work that contributes, do you think? I know that I feel so much worse if something outside stresses me. Try not to panic, instead do everything you can to calm your body.

I wouldn't updose if I were you. It just have to change. Give it some time.

Hugs!

[ladybug]

I am so sorry you are feeling this bad, Songbird. For what it's worth, I don't think you are crashing. You have done a very slow, very sensible taper up to this point and your last drop was less than 4%. It is more likely a particularly bad wave, what I refer to as a "rough patch."

 

Do you remember years ago on PP when I had made a 4% drop and stopped sleeping completely for days on end and was so terrified that I was crashing? You were the first one to reassure me that I wasn't crashing and I'm here to return the favor. It was my first big rough patch and unfortunately an updose did not help so I held as long as I could and eventually I began to improve. I know you can too if you just keep holding and riding this wave.

 

You've been under a lot of stress lately which no doubt contributed. I wonder if the Z drug is possibly contributing as well? I know any time I've taken Zolpidem I feel just awful the next day. Heightened anxiety, weepy, etc. I know you've tolerated it fine up to this point but as we get lower in dose it is possible for our body to react differently to drugs/supplements we've been ok with before.

 

Do you have the same pressure to get back to "normal" that you did when you crashed? Is it feasible for you to apply for some sort of short term disability? What you need right now is to focus on yourself completely, with as little pressure as possible. To concentrate on healing your nervous system and nothing else. I am thinking of you and holding your hand. We will get through this. ((HUGS))

[ChessieCat]

Hi Songbird, sorry that you're not doing too well.  This seems to be asking the obvious, but sometimes when we aren't well we forget the simplest things.

 

Has anything changed recently?  Have you been doing/not doing anything?  Changed your eating habits?  Any outside circumstances changed?  Been watching/seeing/reading anything distressing?  Forgetting to look after yourself?

 

I hope it is just a very short-term, nasty wave and you start to see improvement very soon.

[bubble]

Hello Songbird,

 

I've been reading through your posts lately and could relate to lot of what you were going through about work, inner child etc. I simply had no energy to get in touch.

 

Some time ago I was following a teper of a fellow Lexapro sufferer ssriwarrior. Maybe her experience can help you in making a decision on whether to updose or continue holding. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7038-ssriwarrior-my-taper-off-of-lexapro-10mg/page-6#entry206302

 

I think, believe and know you will endure and get better regardless of the course you take. I'm also recovering from what I call a crash after too fast tapering of Xanax. (I just wanted to see if I can taper faster than 5 % per month). It's taking months. Honestly, if I had known it would take this long and be this painful I would've updosed 4 months ago. I also know and believe I will stabilise eventually as I continue to hold. But I can't keep wondering if updosing when I felt in my gut that I was crashing and going downhill would've been less painful.

 

Since you write about occasional good days, maybe you can ride it out... What I was trying to say is that I think you won't make a mistake whatever you decide to do and you will heal in time.

 

Big hugs,

Bubble

[nz11]

Oh SB i am sorry things are turning rough.

I echo Ladybugs thoughts are you able to ride this out.

Can you hold at the current level for a bit  and see if things settle down.

.

This is so unfair stay strong

nz11

[JanCarol]

Hey Songbird - 

 

I am so sorry you are suffering, it seems so unfair after you've been so careful!  I'm sorry that your life circumstances are storming on you, and thrown you for a loop.

 

Like Chessie suggested, look for contributing factors - there may be none, or it may just be that a neighbor's barking dog has been driving you spare and your nervous system just collapsed in another wave.  Or maybe it's just insomnia building up a sleep deficit again.

 

Or that it is like Ladybug said - you just have a new wave, a "bad patch" as a different system is "closed for repairs," and you cannot access that part of your functioning.  If it is this, it is yet another sign that you are healing.  Again.  More.  

 

I don't really have any tapering / reinstating advice.  I'm in big favor of the long hold - but you've been doing that, right?  Your last drop was 5-Feb, so it is possible that you are having a delayed reaction to that.

 

I wish I lived in your neighbourhood; I'd hire you for vocal sessions!  I never had a good voice, but I had some control, and an ear, and could put the two together (sometimes) and took great pleasure in singing for myself - I always wanted lessons to make it better, but my thyroid surgery ruined my right vocal tendon, and now my singing has gone from average to unbearable!  Because of my good ear for music, it's especially painful.  I want to sing, I do, but even the cat complains when I do.

 

I love your phrase, "Doomcloud"  Yep.  That covers a lot of neuro-emotional, catastrophizing, obsessing, ruminating sort of territory!  You can manage the doomcloud, but I'm more of an "observe the doomcloud" person.  Just look at it.  Identify it - yep - there's that doomcloud again.  And know that it's temporary.  Watch it drift away, no longer attached to you, no longer having power over you.

 

About your shoulder: 

My hubby had a steroid injection in his shoulder - and it did help his shoulder (or he's been too afraid to complain since) but he had hiccups 22 hours a day for 5 days!  The only thing that stopped it was Largactil!  (at least he only needed a few doses of it)

 

Your shoulder, coupled with your fatigue makes me wonder about your thyroid.  I go to a hand physio, and she asked me:  why are all these SSRI / psych drug people nursing long term injuries?  She said:  collagen might be key.  In later discussions, it came to me that thyroid helps produce collagen, and intractable injuries might relate to thyroid.

 

On one of my thyroid support groups, someone said that when her tendinitis flares up, she gets her thyroid checked, as that can correlate.

 

I don't mention this everywhere (some doctors seem to think that most depression / symptoms / blah blah is a thyroid malfunction) - but you have been tapering for so long, it wouldn't be a surprise to me if your thyroid was a little off.

 

Doctors have funny ideas that a pituitary reading (TSH) is enough to find out whether or not someone is hypothyroid.  Additionally, the lab ranges are determined by comparing labs from symptomatic people - so you might want to go to www.stopthethyroidmadness.com to learn more about the labs, or read here:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1593-thyroid-symptoms-hypothyroid-hashimotos/

 

Then you talk about your non-drug techniques.  You have an impressive toolbox!  It's always good to see someone who has a variety of techniques they can practice that helps them get through these emotional and difficult times.  ("Let go let go let go" is my favorite "broken record" technique, usually used for rumination).  You wrote:

 

Of course, you get the most benefit when you practise these things on a regular basis, and that's always something of a challenge for me.  I tend to be rather slack about practising good habits.

 

I think, rather than the technique, it's the practice.  I find that the regular practice of anything - whether it's vipassana, mindfulness, moving meditation (tai chi or yoga) or even active meditations like mindful walking, even running or cycling - when done regularly, will have good effect.

 

I hear you on the establishment of the practice, so I mix it up.  I take 2 classes a week, where I go, and do what I'm told.  I have no choice.  I'm not allowed to miss class, and it's foolish to go to a class and then not do the practice.

 

Then, in my personal life, I try little things.  A 10 minute daily walk (I have no excuse for not doing it, it's only 10 minutes) or 10 minutes on the rebounder, 10 minutes on a musical instrument, or a few minutes at the coloring book, or breathing while waiting in traffic (we do that a lot in SE QLD!)  I have a little toolkit of exercises and try to do one 10 minute exercise daily, and sometimes I do 2!

 

Then it is not so intimidating as sitting still for vipassana (GREAT article Fresh, have you put that one up in media somewhere?) when I'm too restless to sit still, but I can go and pull weeds in the garden (another 10 minute practice - I don't get all the weeds, but there's 10 minutes of weeds pulled that weren't before!)

 

Please hang in there - it will get better.  Remember how many times before you've been thrown into unexpected waves, and then emerged into windows after time had passed.  Time is the best healer, and I'm so sorry this is so difficult for you.  It will pass, it will get better.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

[grandmaD]

Hang in there Songbird, we are all standing with you.  I agree with Ladybug too, you have been going slowly, being sensible, doing all the right things, etc.  it could just be a rough patch.  Updose never helped me, and if you are in a bad spot, changing the dose won't go down well for your brain/body either, but of course you have to decided about that.  I do recall on PP that to updose it had to be 1 or 2mg and I would be concerned for all that ground you have gained only to lose it.  I don't think you are crashing - is it only this one symptom of the shakes that is trouble?  I agree with other person who said do all you can to relax, even if it means lying on the lounge all day doing nothing so your body can get some strength, have a long hot bath and I find a hot wheat pack is comforting also.  It is very disconcerting, for sure, so try not to panic but do everything you know to do that can soothe yourself.  It is probably not unlike that week I had of severe prickles and can really drive you crazy and make you want out, so please be patient - tomorrow could be a whole lot different!  That's what I pray for you, anyway! Hugs and love x

[peggy]

dear Songbird

 

i wanted to share my frozen shoulder experience with you - i injured my arm and quickly developed frozen shoulder in the latter part of 2012.  I was tapering at the time.  I was given 3 weeks of prednisone to take orally - on a reducing regime. I was quite worried about it affecting my mood at the time.  I think that was just before Christmas 2012.  the prednisone was really good for reducing the pain in my shoulder - and i think it hastened the healing.  I got a great surge of wellbeing and energy immediately after i finished the prednisone - but a couple of weeks after that i crashed.. so don't know whether there is any link or not.