☼ KittyQ

[KittyQ]

Hi Kitty-- it sounds like overall you have made some real improvements. Those pesky intrusive thoughts are such a problem along with the agitation and anger stuff.  Mine have improved somewhat so now I'm not as on guard and they sneak past and start causing trouble before I can catch them.  The connection and creativity will be coming back too.

 

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

Thanks, Brass.  I sure hope it all comes back, for all of us.  And, I'm like that, too, with the intrusive thoughts.  They ARE sneaky and I'll find myself in the middle of some awful, made up scenario that I would have never come up with "before" and I'm appalled...still.  I wish I could just laugh it off, but I'm not quite there yet.  

[brassmonkey]

Yea Kitty, just have to remember that it's the drugs thinking the weird a** thoughts not you.  Being "appalled" is a good thing in a way, it shows that the real you is in there and reacting to things.  It's also a bad thing in that we can't let ourselves get too upset over things right now, we just don't have the energy to spare.  So let yourself be upset for a couple of minutes, but don't dwell on it too long, then change the channel with something like "but the real me would never do anything like that" and drop the subject.  Takes a bit pf practice but you'll get there.

[KittyQ]

Yea Kitty, just have to remember that it's the drugs thinking the weird a** thoughts not you.  Being "appalled" is a good thing in a way, it shows that the real you is in there and reacting to things.  It's also a bad thing in that we can't let ourselves get too upset over things right now, we just don't have the energy to spare.  So let yourself be upset for a couple of minutes, but don't dwell on it too long, then change the channel with something like "but the real me would never do anything like that" and drop the subject.  Takes a bit pf practice but you'll get there.

 

Yes, I do that as well....I feel awful but also know that "I" just wouldn't think these things.  I think what bothers me is wondering where the thoughts come from and why are they so nasty?  It's like we're stuck in some "area" that can only generate that sort of negativity somehow.  At least this doesn't happen all the time like it use to.

[KittyQ]

I've noticed for some time that I have become very negative.  I wasn't like that before, instead, I was quite optimistic.  I had to be.  But, now, my "set point" is so far down the scale that the highest I can get is still way low.  Everything is colored grey.  I wondered if anyone else has noticed this?   I worry about creating the negative stuff in my life "because" I seem to be stuck in such a negative place so much.

 

I have better days, when my hopes are up and I'm praying that it will keep going and improving instead of dropping back down again....but so far, it goes down.  I "think" the downs aren't as low....like the whole business is very slowly inching upwards.  But, like everyone here, I'm so tired of this....these  awful, sad feelings that just permeate my days and when anything goes haywire, I can't handle it at all....  It's embarrassing and humilating.  I'm ashamed of myself.  Even though my condition isn't as bad as it has been for so long, it's still w/d flavored and not back to any condition I want to be in.

 

I think I've mentioned this before, but, every now and then, I get a little taste of "normal"...what it would be like to have all of this residue gone for good.  It only lasts a minite or so, but, oh boy...what bliss compared to "this" stuff.  Most of the time, my feelings and emotional state are all swishing around.  I'll feel something better, but, then it's quickly covered up by something else not so nice. and then that changes to something else.   It's all very exhausting....  

 

Stability....to be generally stable.  That will be so wonderful.