Introducing micromonster

[Micromonster]

Still no energy, I'm going through the motions at work just to get it done, but just want to sleep all day. Not sure if it's the diet I've been on for 5 weeks or the tiredness, but I just want to eat sugary things. Had a bit of an incident Wednesday, me and John went out with my dad (not real dad but it's a long story). It's always a late night and john offered to come. However, john really p####d me off. He kept yawning loudly, stating how late it was and got his jacket on to go while we were all still drinking coffee. So the next day I was ignoring all texts from him, and in typical man style, coz I've got the hump, he gets the hump! This infuriated me, but the hardest part was not doing something drastic. I really wanted to leave him just to punish him. I am aware this is a complete over exaggeration, it was really hard just ignoring him when all I wanted to do was throttle him! I noticed these over exaggerations during the last WD but this time managed to not act on my impulses (something I've learnt many times before and will probably learn many times again.). I assume the impulse was not as strong as last time but the cut has been a lot less and not as often. Today I said my bit in a calm way of how I felt upset over his actions. much to my relief, he didn't try to justify his behaviour, but sent me kisses via text and we are now friends. By the way, half way through writing this post, I ate a caramel bar, I couldn't resist, it was divine!

[Micromonster]

Wish I could shake this wave off, I'm so grumpy. Feels like it's lasted s lifetime but looking back its only been a week! Getting weighed today. That could cheers up........or not!!!

[Micromonster]

Wave slowly lifting, still stressed and getting slight angries today but I'm coping.......especially after loosing 2.5lbs and watching gremlins cuddles u with the cat that dribbles..... Talking of which, I managed to call the doc at 5pm and got a cancellation for 520pm. He's given me the blood test form so I can now have the toxoplasmosis test (why he couldn't just leave me the form in reception without me having to see him in rush hour I'll never know! But, it's now in the process so will stop complaining)

[WinningThrough]

Hello MM. I thought I'd just drop by and say hello!

[Micromonster]

Thanks for popping by wt, hope your keeping well, will give you a stalk in the week to see. Just wanted to jot down how things are going. Apart from having to put up with lifes every day stresses, things are looking good. I thought i was over the wd for this drop until a hearse past me and i very nearly cried! It was hard not to. I find it scary that you can think everything is fine when in reality your on the edge without even knowing it. Had the slight angries but it could be worse. The diet and exercise has been going well this week, weigh day monday and hopefully its paid off. What i have been thinking about a lot is becoming pregnant while on these drugs. When i first tried to wd, i was worried about the deformities of the baby, no i worry about screwing its mental health up.. I find it hard enough to withdraw, a baby must have it in bigger doses as its baby is so much smaller. I have a friend who is going through the adoption process at the moment and was telling me how the first two weeks of a persons life determines their whole future mental well being. It makes me want to go cold turkey, or at least hurry the process up. Even dropping at 5mg every 4 weeks (which i wouldnt recommend to myself, especially below 5mg) its going to take me 17 months. Im now 34 and my fertility has dropped, i cant afford to put ivf off. Seeing as theres only a 1 in 4 chance of it working, it could even take more than 2 years to become pregnant. Anyway, as i once heard (and never forgot) worry is like a rocking chair, you can rock all day and get nowhere!

[mustangwoman]

Are you still at 8 mg?  I think you are doing awesome!!!!

[Micromonster]

Yes, still 8mg, I'm so tempted to go 7.5 next week (will only be 3 weeks instead of the usual 4) and you can bet your life, everything that goes wrong I will blame on the drop! Thanks mustang x oh and I must add for my own personal reference, my sleep is being seriously disturbed! I find it hard falling asleep and when I wake in the night I find it hard getting back to sleep. I could usually sleep for England so it's all alien to me. It's tempting to take sleeping pills but can't help but see the irony, I'm trying to come off drugs!!! During the last Wd it was a lot worse, but I was doing bigger drops back then.

[mustangwoman]

How are you today Mm?

[Micromonster]

Hey mustang, so nice to see you on my thread, makes me feel kinda special. Today all is good. I decided not to make a cut till at least next week. The reason for this, is that I'm slightly tearful. Johns work friend died suddenly this week and I got really upset. I never met the guy and although it's sad, I was overly upset which made me realise I shouldn't make a cut. Next Thursday is the cut date but will see how I feel. Because I'm cutting at .5mg a time, every cut is bigger than the last (percentage wise) so will try my best to do .5 mg till I get to 5mg, then reassess the situation.

I found out this week how much I weigh. I was really shocked. On the 1st of jan, I was 11stone when I thought I was 9.5 ish. I didn't want to know my weight until I was 9st but accidentally saw my weight on the woman's piece of paper. I was really shocked and glad I didn't know back then as that would have pissed me off. I've lost 1stone so far but still got a way to go. Getting fed up with the healthy food but persevering.

This week (yesterday in particular) has been terrible, energy wise. I have none. I'm going so slow that it's affecting my work but at the same time, I'm so tired that I couldn't care less. I hope that passes, today was a bit better. It's not the dieting, I'm getting the right amount of everything (I log all food I eat and exercise in my fitness pal) and I've not had too much trouble with sleeping. It's really frustrating, but just got to ride through it.

[Prestorb]

Just wanted to say hello MM, and encourage you as it sounds like you are really struggling. I wonder if you should consider holding at your current dose until you start to feel more stable? Sounds like you have a fair amount of stress to juggle too, which makes the tapering even more difficult. Just some thoughts, I will be tapering off Paxil eventually but getting off Zoloft first. I'm sorry this so difficult but hang in there, you are young and your chances for complete recovery very good!

[brassmonkey]

Hi micro--  sorry to hear about the added stress of DHs coworker.  One of my bosses passed a couple of weeks ago and it had put a shadow on the whole area.  Good idea not to rush your cuts, you're getting into the area where a little cut goes a long way. Hope you're feeling better soon.

 

((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

[mustangwoman]

There's not much left to say prestorb and brassmonkey got it pretty much covered.  I do hope that you feel better and more stable soon.  Will keep "looking in" on you friend.

[Micromonster]

Cheers guys. Tomorrow is the day I'm due to drop another .5mg. It's a difficult decision because I really believe it's near impossible to tell if I'm stable enough. I think I am but then something will make me think I'm not. I'm going to do it. I still can't shift this exhaustion. I've made a doctors appointment for one week Monday. They've changed their appointment system so I can now book in advance which is good. I'm hoping it will go by then and I can cancel. I'm going through the motions at work, VERY slowly, coming home, doing half hour exercise, having dinner then going to bed by 8/9 o clock. I don't get out of bed till 8am and it's not 'normal' for me to be that tired. I'm wondering if I'm anaemic, although I get enough iron, but I am bleeding slightly most days due to a fibroid so anaemia is possible. Anyway, off to bed now, can't keep awake much longer.

[Prestorb]

Hi MM, my vote would be for holding but it's easy for me to tell you that, less easy for me to follow my own advice. Just seems that your system is really tired already and another drop is going to tax it even more. You are juggling a lot in addition to the WD from the drops. I am experiencing a lot of tiredness in this process, so I try to listen to my body give it extra rest. I probably get about 9 hours each night although it's often very interrupted - and I still feel tired at times during the day. Hang in there and try to be patient with this process - it is taxing to say the least! Cheers :-)

[Micromonster]

Thanks for the reply prestorb, this is the only time I've not felt 100% ready for a drop. I'm only cutting 2 tablets at a time so will see how it goes. I need to REALLY look out for the signs I'm not stable this drop because it's not till I look back on the situation I can see them clearly. On a good note, I lost 3.5lbs this week! Only around 8 more to go ????

[Prestorb]

Yay! That has to feel good, it's always nice to have some positives while dealing with all this other "less than pleasant" stuff. I am trying to be much more careful with what I am eating, as I see how sensitive so many folks are to various processed and sugary foods. I figure a healthy diet and lots of water HAS to help with WD symptoms!

 

Yes, it's often hard to tell what is what while we are in the thick of symptoms due to a drop. The brain fog thing doesn't help matters, sometimes I feel my brain has completely ceased to function! I think it is easier for those of that have more time on our hands to notice every little thing (a blessing and a curse), it's much harder when you are very busy and just don't have the time to deal with all these emotional and physical nuances. They can sneak up on you, so be patient and careful MM. Cheers

[Micromonster]

WARNING, LONG RANT APPROACHING. in a nutshell, WD symptoms, not talking to mum or sister and been told my IVF has been cancelled and I now have to pay £7k a go with a 1 in 4 chance of it working.

DAY 3 OF THE DROP

Not sure where to start. I noticed the WD symptoms at my first job today. They have a toddler at the first job which drives me nuts by following me and taking things out my box and generally gets on my nerves. The parents think it's cute but I think it's a pain in the arse. I wanted to sack her straight away. During the last (failed) WD, it scared me, as I didn't realise I wasn't thinking logically, however, during this round, I'm aware of it. I've noted its a WD symptom and tried to ignore it. Yes, the brat gets on my nerves every fortnight, but during WD it drives me so insane I want to sack them. I JUSTIFY IT BY SAYING TO MYSELF THAT IM SELF EMPLOYED AND DONT HAVE (damn caps lock) to put up with it. Which is true, but it's life, I need to learn to deal with life's everyday stresses. It was hard and she is on thin ice. If I continue to be driven mad for the next few times, she's gone.

I've brought myself some protein powder to try to get some energy and so far so good, I'm still really worn out but slightly better than I was.

Half way through the day, I came home for lunch and opened a letter. It said we've cancelled your IVF as the rules have changed and your not allowed it if one of you have been sterilised. Now, john has children and had a vasectomy which we paid to have reversed but it didn't work. We pay to store his sperm and was going to start IVF when I was told I could have it on the NHS because I don't have kids. So, we waited and waited and finally got appointments to have tests done. We had them all done and was waiting for a start date for the hormone treatment which should have been next month. Now they are saying no. I was gutted. We have some money saved, and with the average child costing £28k, that will bleed us dry. We have waited so long, that now I'm 34, my fertility has dropped.

Now, there I was licking my wounds, when my sister (Denise) txt asking if I could fill in for her at a gig she was doing. Meanwhile, I'd txt my other sister (Jo) the IVF news and she sympathised and said I should talk to den as she was starting IVF treatment next week. This infuriated me. Now den, had belittled me when John had his vasectomy reversed for wanting kids. Telling me I was silly and how she hates kids, they're parasitic, and she thinks I'm a fool for wanting them. I had to justify it her why I did want kids, which I don't feel I should have to do to anyone! Then, before you know it, she falls pregnant and has a child. My mum constantly babysits for her when my mum won't babysit my other sisters kids. When we go to my mums (annually), she has photos of dens kid everywhere and none of jos. Dens kid has her own room at mums and she doesn't even try to hide it. It annoys me more than what it annoys Jo! I told Jo den would have to pay for it because she's got a kid and Jo informed me she was having it done on the NHS which as you can imagine, infuriated me further. I know this isn't dens fault but that doesn't stop it annoying me. So, I txt den saying I couldn't fill in for her gig, I was fed up due to the IVF news. She then sent me a txt which she meant to send to my mum. It read (in capital letters) I don't know why she doesn't just pay for it. Again, there's previous issues in play here, I lost nan and grand (my heros) two years ago. The rest of the family didn't bother with them. I did everything for them. If it wasn't for me, they would have been buried in their own filth years ago. Nan died and days before she did told her kids to give me her savings £50k. When she went, they said no and grand was fuming. He wrote cheques out for all his savings £35k and made videos and instructed his solicitor to give me £50k from the sale of the house to make up for nans savings I never got. He died two days after nan, the cheques never cleared so ALL THEIR MONEY WENT TO THEIR 3 kids. I could have easily contested the will and got what they wanted me to have but was absolutely distraught over loosing them. They were my life. Their kids gave me £30k which to me felt like their kids had **** on my nan and grand from a great height. They wouldn't even pay for a funeral car for me, even though it was a joint funeral so in effect the bought one and got one free. In fact, I even had to pay £3 for my dessert at the wake!!! I tried to put it on their bill but they made me pay! Now I've not touched that money, I refuse to just fritter it away and because of that, mum is always making sly comments. So the wrong txt from den (I don't see why she doesn't pay for it) infuriated me beyond belief. Mums obviously told den she gave me money (like she did me a massive favour, where as I see she stitched me up) and den (who hates kids and thinks I'm stupid for wanting them) is getting free treatment. I've blocked them both from my phone and at the mo I don't want to speak to either of them ever again. I'm so angry and jealous right now that I don't want to calm down. I know I will in time, but for now I have to wait for my wounds to heal.

[Micromonster]

This is horrible. I'm in such a bad mood. I'm really fed up. Hope this passes soon

[mustangwoman]

I can understand why you are upset with your sister and mother.  I think most people would be in your situation, even without withdrawal.  Don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do.  I hope you feel better soon.  Sometimes we have to keep family at a distance.  I hope you feel better soon. 

[Micromonster]

Cheers mustang. I Feel I'm getting worse today. Going to go home from work and take 5mg diazepam. So fed up.

[mustangwoman]

Would it be possible to take 8.25 mg?  I wonder if that would help. 

[Micromonster]

That's a serious option I will consider if the next few days don't perk up. Today I finished the job I was at and came home to get some diazepam (aka happy pills). I have some left over from when nan and grand went. They got me through some tough days. I didn't take it. By time I left the first job I felt slightly better. I'm not overly keen on that particular job, it's a long one and the woman won't let me open the windows in case I damage her nets. I have to ask her to open them for me! Thought I was gonna feel like it all day but I learnt something today which I've learnt before but will take it on board for future times of stress. When in a bad mood, annoying things become even more annoying. Another lightbulb moment also happened today. I came to the conclusion that depression is not about the thing you are depressed about (no free IVF). If you suffer with depression, things trigger it. And depression happens. Ie, I'm not depressed ABOUT no free IVF, I'm depressed BECAUSE of, which in turn has lead to me thinking of things which depress me further. Things that I don't usually notice, depress me, like why don't I have a massive house in its own grounds, why don't I have a brand new sports car, why is everyone so much better off than me? It's then VERY easy to fall out with people, especially those closest to us. I told john I needed lots of comfort today, and needed lots of texts. Because he didn't txt me every 5 seconds declaring his undying love for me, I wanted to call him and tell him how useless he was for being so unsupportive. Luckily for us both, I never. I also noticed he gets stressed the more comfort I need. Which is REALLY unhelpful! But typical man behaviour.

I spoke to mum today. I was dreading it because it would have really wound me up if she mentioned I have money. Sister had already told her IVF was cancelled so when she called I told her I was fed up because I wasted the whole year as I could have started the whole process a year ago. I said how I felt cheated they said I could have it, then take it away from me. I have no idea who or where to go for IVF as I wasn't expecting to have to research clinics and it would cost an average of £28k for one child when I want more than one. I'd also have to pay £5k for a stitch as I have no cervix left due to operations for 2lots of precancerous cells. NHS won't do it until live had a few miscarriages which would cost me more in the long run so would prefer to have the stitch put in before I spend any money. She sympathised and asked if I was depressed because I'm coming off these meds (she thinks I should continue with them). I know WD doesn't help, but there are valid reasons why I'm fed up at the mo. As mustang said, I'm not going to beat myself up for feeling the way I do. Oh, on the plus side, I lost another 2lb. 6 more to go and I'll be really please.

[mustangwoman]

You're so right about depression, once it gets started it leads to another depressing thing to another.  My mind also tends to play this cruel trick on me where it tends to think that I've always been like this and always will.  Of course these are hallmarks of depression, if you felt like you'd feel better soon you wouldn't be depressed just mildly irritated or off.  It's aweful that NHS will not pay until you have already had a few miscarriages.  How terrible.  I hope you have brighter days soon!

[Micromonster]

Cheers once again mustang, and I must apologise for not adding input on anyone else's journal, I will get round to it eventually. I'll never forget a convo I had with my sister once. A friend of our committed suicide and we had differing opinions on his actions. She said it was selfish, I said its selfish of people to say that as to get to that point in the first place, it is a horrible process that other people should sympathise with, not criticise. We went on with the convo and she said depression is selfish, as a depressed person only thinks of them selves. Now, as critical as this sounds, it's true. Depression makes us think of how **** we feel, and think nothing of others. I was explaining my IVF situation to a customer last week, when He said to me this week that there are people worse off than me. Personally I think this is the most insulting thing he could have said! I mean, how rude! I really couldn't give a damn about other people, I'm self absorbed in my own world, as most people are when things go wrong. He didn't mean to offend me, but I soon let him know he did!

Anyway, enough of that, I have us all depressed if I carry on much longer! I got to work Friday and didn't get out the first job in time which made me stressed even after repeating the mantra "time is an illusion" several times. At the second job the woman was in, seeing as I was feeling VERY unsociable, I wasn't impressed. So, remembering I had the diazam in my bag from Tuesday, I took half (2.5mg). It wasn't my brightest idea as it instantly made me tired and want to sleep, although if did numb the stress I was feeling. I don't like to take them as I worry what goes up, must come down. Also they are limited. Docs really don't like giving them out. The weekend has been ok, I only do the woman with the annoying kid every two weeks so this was my good week. I think she's got to go as I really dread going there. I'll be pleased when I'm not on this diet, I HATE exercising and feel the need to do it when I eat over 1,200 calories, which isn't easy to stick to. A 'normal' breakfast, lunch and dinner is way more (at least 2,000), so weekends I'm exercising loads just to be able to eat a Sunday roast! I've got the doctors tomorrow eve, not sure which ailment to rant about. Fibroids/cancelled IVF/cyst on my ovary/or no energy. Seeing as it was the docs who originally said I could have IVF, I'm hoping I can squeeze the lot in. I keep meaning to look at holidays for next month. I've usually done months worth of research by now but just can't be bothered. We are away in two weeks for the weekend which I'm looking forward to, and johns made me promise not to count calories! I also have a good friend coming over from Spain Wednesday for a week who I want to spend a lot of time with, so lots going on. Any way, energy levels are SLOWLY improving, hence the fact I'm still awake at 9pm! Still not that great so I'm off to bed right now x

[Micromonster]

What a busy few weeks. Had my mate over from tenerife which was nice, been caravaning for the weekend, and have booked for a consultation for ivf in May in Hungary! Yes, Hungary! It's so much cheaper there. It's £7k in England and around 2/3k in Hungary. We've had the sperm shipped over (£700!!!!!!!). Its £50 a year to store there, we've been paying £400 a year here. Had blood tests for tiredness, which I get back Thursday. Had a few Wd issues, mainly the wanting to cry a lot, I was in tesco earlier and a girl was talking to her friend and she was visibly upset. I have no idea who she was or what she was upset about but I just wanted to cry and hug her!!! I held back for fear of being sussed out as the local nutter! I also nearly cried when I saw a hearse the other day. I've unblocked my sister from my phone, but I'm annoyed that John now says he will never talk to her again. If I forgive her, he should. It makes it awkward but will just give it time to see if he sees things fifferently then. Its annoying that he's like that. I needed him for support at the time my sister upset me, and now I wished I hadn't gone to him for support because now any future meetings with her will be awkward. I'm still tempted to speed up the wd, but also aware it's not wise.

[mustangwoman]

Good to see you mm.  Exciting about ivf in Hungary!  I know it's frustrating with John.  I've been guilty of the same.  When my husband's sister does something to upset him he forgives eventually, but sometimes it's hard for me to forgive her for hurting the man I love.  He will most likely come around. Hang in  there friend!

[Micromonster]

Wow mustang, you've made me see things in a while new light. I was angry thinking Jon had no right to hold a grudge because he was upset over what my sister had said. After all, I was the one she'd upset so what's his problem? After your comment, I realised he's angry over her upsetting ME, not her upsetting HIM. That makes it kind of sweet in a way that he's concerned over my feelings and not just thinking of his own. Thanks mustang

[mustangwoman]

I'm glad it made you feel better.  I tend to be protective of my partner.

[Micromonster]

Thanks mustang. It's 4 weeks since the last drop. Time for another. I'm not 100 % ready but I wasn't for the last one either but I survived so hopefully will survive this drop x

[brassmonkey]

Hi Micro-- sounds like you are keeping things "interesting" on your end. I hope the new plan for the IVF works out.  I noticed that your doing your drops every four weeks, it might be a good idea to stretch it out to six from here on out, those extra two weeks can make a lot of difference in how you feel.  Also you're right at one of those ranges that gives a lot of people trouble, as in the symptoms tend to be worse than normal.  I had noticeably more trouble from 7-5mg, then it calmed down for a couple of drops, then kicked back up again.  Given everything going on in you life right now, you don't need WD to give you any additional problems.

 

(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

[Micromonster]

Cheers brass. Your so close to your goal, I keep checking to see how far you've come. I've been laying In bed for the past hour thinking you make a good point. It's day 4 of the drop and once again I can't sleep! I had four hours last night which as I've said In Previous posts is not like me at all, I usually sleep a lot. I'm tired (well, actually exhausted yet wide awake) but nothing's happening. We could potentially start IVF in three months and apparently I have to look after my eggs now as they will be the ones I produce in three months, which means I don't want to take sleeping tablets for fear of the damage it can cause. I also get scared I will come to rely on them so here I am instead with a cuppa (decaf) and writing down my thoughts. The exhaustion I was feeling has come back with a vengeance, though not being able to sleep great doesn't help. Not that it ever went away completely, but it had faded a lot which makes me sure it's WD causing it and nothing else, i also get the exhaustion even when I'm sleeping fine. i am aware that I have a lot going on at the moment, but having a lot on my mind usually makes me sleep more. I also keep waking with cramp in the calf muscle which I've googled. Which says that cramp can also be caused by too much exercise (also not enough!), not sure what my half hour a day constitutes as!?! I use a running machine so it could be exercise related. I've also been a real grump, but it's manageable. I went on a self service till at tesco today and the broccoli wouldn't scan. I said (louder than I expected it to come out) "f##k this broccoli!" And threw it with more force than I expected, back in the basket area. The poor bloke helping didn't quite know where to look. We also bought a new car today. I don't suppose it was the wisest thing to have done seeing as we will have a lot of outgoings to spend soon, but we have been talking about it for ages and got caught up in the excitement. It's taken a huge chunk of our money, but we plan to pay it back over the next year. Now the IVF is so close, I'm worrying more about being on the SSRIs. I just want to be off them, but having these WD symptoms, subtlety reminds me I can't. I haven't heard anything about my blood test results (for the tiredness) which makes me think nothing untoward was found. They would have called had anything been sinister.

[brassmonkey]

I once got myself banned from a local drug store for doing something similar with their self serve photocopier.  Wasn't too long after that I started this whole paxil debacle. I have to say that severe fatigue has been one of the hallmarks of my WD.  It comes and goes but it's there more often than not.  Doesn't matter how much I sleep either.  I'll have good sleep for a few days and feel tired and have poor sleep for a few and feel great, then the other way around.  It's just one of those things I have to fight through when ever it shows up.  The new car sounds like a treat and you'll be glad you have it when everything gets totally crazy later this year.  Worst thing is the world having to worry about the car giving out when there are much more important things to think about, and the money will sort itself out.

 

Take care and watch for those triggers.

 

((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

[Micromonster]

No friggin way! I just deleted my long blog again!!!!! Aaahhhhhhhhhhh

[Prestorb]

Look for the autosave feature....maybe?

[Micromonster]

That sounds like the kind of feature I could do with.....how do I find it?? I've also just found an 'undo' button on this keyboard, I wonder if that could have helped? Anyway, I'll try again, taking greater care with my fat fingers. Firstly I reached my weight goal. That makes me immensely proud, although I'm going to diet for a few more weeks as I still have a bit of a belly. I've handed in my notice a dog poo woman's house (I'm a self employed cleaner for those unaware). It's the 4th time, once again it was done when I was I a bad mood, but hopefully I'll stick to it this time, I've got plenty of work to fill her space. I end up feeling guilty and that I've made a rash decision. The first time I did it, was during the last WD and I was having panic attacks over it. The jobs always annoyed me, and during WD and certain times of the month, it drives me up the wall. I've told the woman I'm not happy with the mess, which has taken a lot of courage for me to do. She then clears it up for a while, but it soon goes back to dried up pee everywhere. They are such nice people and are always giving me their designer stuff to eBay. I'm starting to feel like I over reacted now, but that's only because I'm feeling free. I could have resolved the situation, had I told her I refuse to touch the pee or poo but I'm not brave enough. She's quite intimidating and I'm not brave enough. I'm sure there's some issues I have there which need resolving, but that can go on the back burner for now, I've got too many fish to fry. What I am pleased about, is the fact I'm not panicking about it or feeling overwhelmingly guilty. Not sure if that's down to the fact I'm taking the WD slow, or I'm just used to it seeing as it's the forth time I've told her Im going.i lied and told her I'm giving up work when I start IVF (May 4th).

Three weeks before we go to Hungary for our IVF consultation, but tonight we popped over to the local clinic for an open evening. There was lots of info, I'm hoping things happen for a reason. Had we have gone to this evening before Hungary was booked, I'm sure I'd have taken advantage of the free IVF if I donate eggs. We did have an appointment to go to this evening two years ago (before being told we could have it on the NHS, then told after waiting that we couldn't) but nan was taken to hospital and me nan and grand were extremly close, I was always the one who made sure she was ok and went to go and see her. She said at the time I shouldn't have cancelled, but there's no way I would have NOT gone to see her. So hopefully there is a god and this is all part of his divine plan. I'm so tempted to cut these SSRIs quicker, if it wasn't for the last experience, I would (I was suicidal).

[brassmonkey]

Hi Micro-- it sounds like good things are really starting to happen for you.  Stick to your guns with the Dog poo lady.  You're better than having to put up with that and with the IVF starting to happen you really don't need to be exposed to the filth.  She may seem like a nice lady, but peoples living conditions speak volumes about their real being.  Best of luck with the trip.  And congratulations on hitting the weight goal, I'm still working on that one.

 

(((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))