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Introducing micromonster


Micromonster

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Sounds like things are really coming together for you!  So exciting about the IVF and the weight!  You have done so good!!!

zoloft 2004-08 tapered too fast(2 weeks)
Luvox 5/08 100 mg 07/10 40mg via small reductions, 08/10 39mg, 09/10 38mg, 10/10 37mg, 11/10 36mg,2/11 35mg, 5/11 34mg, 8/11 33mg, 11/11 32mg, 01/12 31mg, 03/12 30mg, 4/12 29mg, 5/12 28 mg, 8/12 27 mg, 11/12 26 mg, 1/13 25 mg, 3/13 24 mg, 4/13 23 mg,6/13 22 mg, 7/13 21 mg, 8/13 20mg, 10/13 19 mg, 11/13 18 mg, 12/13 17 mg, 1/14 16 mg, 3/14 13 mg, 9/14 10.9 mg,  1/15 10 mg, 3/15  9 mg,  5/15 8 mg. 11/15 7.12 mg.  4/16  5 mg, 6/16   4.5 mg,  9/16 4.2 mg, 1/17 3.48 mg, 2/17  3.2 mg,  4/17 2.2 mg, 5/17 2.0 mg, 6/17  1.74 mg, 7/17 1.58 mg, 9/17 1.27 mg, 11/17 1.0 mg,  1/18 0.79 mg

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Well, not really too sure what to say, other than I found this site a great help when I went through WD a few years back. Here I am again. I was off completely for a few months, had 3 failed IVF attempts (the reason I wanted off meds) and got straight back on them after I split from my ex of 11 years. Now, with a new man and after a year we’ve decided to try for kids so it’s back to WD. I only ever went up to 10mg and have been WD for a year. Today marks two weeks going from 5mg to 0. I’m not doing great. I know it’s going too quick, maybe I’ll realise this and up the dose but for now I really want to try and sit it out. My first drop was 10mg to 5mg and after a few months I stabilised. The crying. I just can’t stop. The anger spirals (TM brassmonkey!). They are at times debilitating. I clicked on a link which said about feeling desperate and it said to talk to someone so here I am. I don’t have much time so can only vent every now and then. I’ll be more specific about my life when I get a chance but for now I just needed to reach out. I have always found writing things down has helped in the past. 

paroxatine.30mg-98-14 (16years)/15mg March 14/15mg may 2014 every two days on docs advice, went nuts so went up to 10mg. Took 2months to stabilise.10mg July 2014-sept 2014 (6.9mg)tried WD at 10% every two weeks. went nuts, nearly left husband, cats and country.10mg sept-December 14/9mg Dec-Jan 15/8.5mg Jan-Feb 15/8mg Feb-March 15/7.5mg march 15/7mg march-present. By October, off meds and on ivf. 3 failed ivf and end of 11yr relationship.10mg/July 16- July 17/5mg Jan 18- july 18

0mg july- present. Really struggling 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Micromonster, I found your latest post over in the Benzo Forum. Since you're not tapering a benzo, I merged it in with your main Intro topic. 

 

I'll let the antidepressant moderators know you have questions. In the meantime, please update your signature to reflect your taper since 2015. Here is a direct link to your signature:

 

Account - settings - signature

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
Dropping to zero from 5mg is a very fast taper.   If you do decide to reinstate (which is the only known way to help alleviate withdrawal syndrome) we suggest a much smaller reinstatement dose than your last dose.  I would try 1mg.   
 
Then, once you have stabilized (which can take several months) you can taper the reinstated dosage down at a 10% per month rate.
 
The only other alternative is to try and wait out the symptoms and manage as best you can until your central nervous system returns to homeostasis.  Unfortunately no one can give you an exact timeline as to when you will start feeling better and while some do recover relatively easily, for others it can take many months or longer.  Please read:
 
About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms. -- at least the first page of the topic
 
I understand your desire to be off the drug.  Ultimately the choice whether to reinstate is yours, but thought I should bring this possibility to your attention so that you can make the best decision regarding your health and well-being.  

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Feb. 22: 7.6mg

Taper is 90% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, anti-candida, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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micromonster, I'm surprised that with all your experience going off Paxil, you jumped off like this!! Please update your signature.

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see


http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

A lot of people find them helpful. Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

As Gridley suggested, if these symptoms are unbearable, you might try reinstatement of say, 1mg Paxil, then taper off by tiny amounts later. Tips for tapering off Paxil (paroxetine)

explains how to take a dose of 1mg. You might be able to get a prescription for the liquid, or you can make your own from a tablet.

 

Please let us know how you're doing.

 

PS If you manage to get off Paxil this time around, could you please not take it again? It is a terrible drug for withdrawal. Please re-read your entire Intro topic.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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You guys are the best. Just got round to reading the reply’s and thanks for moving my post shep! I’ll update my signature tomorrow. I can’t express how much I appreciate your support. I’ve been a b**** all week and very distant with OH. I just don’t like anyone right now. I just want to be on my own and sit in this little anger bubble. Anyway, I stayed at his last night and woke up at 4am unable to sleep. He knew something was up but I just kept telling him I was fine, desperately trying to smile and be “normal” with him but I knew myself I just looked fake. Then the tears came and wouldn’t stop. I had to tell him which I was gutted about. He’s great, but I feel defeated having to tell him. I’m not sure why. I told him the only way I could explain it was for him (and I apologise in advance if this is offence to anyone.....I’m so sensitive at the moment) is to imagine he secretly cross dressed and didn’t want me knowing but was forced to tell me. It’s MY thing, I also don’t want every feeing I have to be blamed on WD (although it more than likely is!) I didn’t want him googling it and seeing the masses of “there are no side effects” so I sent some facts I’d copied and pasted from here. One thing I did find unnerving was that when I’d said I wanted off because of babies, he didn’t give me the green card by saying “it’s fine if you need to take them while pregnant”. He’s so practical and very different to me, he was telling me scientific facts as to how SSRIs work and even used the word ganglions (which apparently is some part of the brain) which had me laughing between the tears. I told him how **** my doctors had been in the past and how the only solace I found was in you guys. Reinstatement is a real possibility but I’ll take it a day at a time. When that’s too much, an hour. I found the morning was filled with extreme restlessness which made me feel frustrated. I went for a park run and got chatting to some guy and it was like I was a different person, I managed to completely hide my feelings and chat away like a normal person. I’m off to a festival today which I really don’t not want to go to. My feelings are akin to a three year old, I want to throw a paddy and refuse to go but I feel I should be grateful OH has brought me a ticket and I don’t want to ruin his day as it’s not fair and it would only cause me to feel guilty which Is an emotion I’m not good at dealing with. 

Thanks again guys x

paroxatine.30mg-98-14 (16years)/15mg March 14/15mg may 2014 every two days on docs advice, went nuts so went up to 10mg. Took 2months to stabilise.10mg July 2014-sept 2014 (6.9mg)tried WD at 10% every two weeks. went nuts, nearly left husband, cats and country.10mg sept-December 14/9mg Dec-Jan 15/8.5mg Jan-Feb 15/8mg Feb-March 15/7.5mg march 15/7mg march-present. By October, off meds and on ivf. 3 failed ivf and end of 11yr relationship.10mg/July 16- July 17/5mg Jan 18- july 18

0mg july- present. Really struggling 

 

 

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 Not too sure how to change my signature? I’ve always been crap with technology. 

 

The weekend end has been bad. Well, there were many good windows but the lows were really low. 

 

I went to the festival with the boyf and his friends. I really didn’t want to be there and can’t seem to fake being normal. I’m usually quite chatty and sociable but as much as I tried, I felt awkward. The boyf wondered off after a couple of hours and asked if I wanted to go with him but it was all the men so I said I’d stay with the wives. Well, they were all chatting and completely ignoring me. I don’t think it was intentional, but they’ve known each other a while and I really couldn’t fake being sociable. I stared at my phone for as long as I could before I started to cry behind my sunglasses. I swiftly got up and wondered off with out them noticing and waited an hour until the boyf called to find out where I’d gone. In this time, my thoughts were so extreme. I wanted to leave, but couldn’t think of a justifiable excuse to. I couldn’t bear the thought of having to be there more than an hour but knew we were due to be there all day and night. I’d made my mind up that I just couldn’t be in any relationship anymore, I felt I was making him miserable and I couldn’t deal with feeling responsible for that. I felt like a 3yr old, I was so frustrated and couldn’t stop crying. When boyf called, I made out I couldn’t find my way back through the people so stayed In a quiet place under a tree. We met up and I told him I felt the girls had ignored me. He felt really bad. That automatically made me feel guilt. In my WD state of mind, I had entered a spiral and told myself it was his fault the girls didn’t talk to me (completely impossible I know but I couldn’t think straight). Realising how I’d overreacted made me feel guilt. He said, “let’s go and do stuff on our own then”. The next few hours were great. We went on The waltzer, swing ride and had a burrito in the middle of a cocktail bar whilst people watching. We also went to this funky photo booth which was good but when I looked at the pictures, I couldn’t help but think I have such a dazed and vacant look in my eyes. It’s sad that WD can do that to a person. We went back to his mates and enjoyed the rest of the evening, one of the girls was chatting away to me which was nice. The next day was better overall but there were so many times I stopped myself crying. I was also so stressed but hid it well......I think! 

i read through all my old blogs yesterday and found it surprising. I’d forgotten about most of the symptoms. I read somewhere it’s a natural reaction to forget bad feelings as if we didn’t we’d go round being depressed all the time. it was good to read through my old blogs, I’d been a bit scared as it was all about my ex and IVF which I didn’t want to revisit but I learnt that what I’ve felt all weekend is “normal” for me. 

paroxatine.30mg-98-14 (16years)/15mg March 14/15mg may 2014 every two days on docs advice, went nuts so went up to 10mg. Took 2months to stabilise.10mg July 2014-sept 2014 (6.9mg)tried WD at 10% every two weeks. went nuts, nearly left husband, cats and country.10mg sept-December 14/9mg Dec-Jan 15/8.5mg Jan-Feb 15/8mg Feb-March 15/7.5mg march 15/7mg march-present. By October, off meds and on ivf. 3 failed ivf and end of 11yr relationship.10mg/July 16- July 17/5mg Jan 18- july 18

0mg july- present. Really struggling 

 

 

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Here's the link to change your signature.

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

Don't forget to click on "save" after you're finished.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Feb. 22: 7.6mg

Taper is 90% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, anti-candida, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi micro monster,

 

Im sorry you had a miserable time for most of the festival. It’s really hard when you’re going through withdrawals and you’re trying to be yourself around people but you feel like you’re totally in another planet. Sometimes tears are needed. 

 

Im really outgoing n can usually fake it around people even when I’m not doing so great. However when I’m in a major wave it’s hard to do. I just want to be on my own. 

 

Im glad your day ended up better. 

 

Sending you hugs🤗

 

 

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

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Today is horrible. I’ve been here before many times in the last two weeks. I don’t want the last two weeks to be in vain which it will be if I admit defeat and reinstate. I wish everybody had to go through this as it doesn’t seem fair. Why the **** was I put on these drugs as a child. I feel like I made a deal with the devil and now he wants his end of the bargain. It’s comforting knowing I’m sitting here crying because of WD and not because there’s something wrong with me that can’t be fixed. I’ve been entering anger spirals all day. I’ve wound myself up over so much that I’m now exploding (the only time I feel relief until I enter the spiral again). I just don’t want to feel this pain anymore. Im imagining scenarios that will probably never happen and I’m having trouble getting out of the spirals. I know from experience that I could feel absolutely fine in half hour but I could also feel like this all day. It’s like something out of a film, the one where people are infected with rage. That makes me so angry, that I was told to Take phsyc drugs for 20+ years by educated people who were meant to have my best interests at heart. I feel like a guinea pig, I’ve been given something that’s well and truly messing with my head and been left to pick up the pieces on my own. I’m too frustrated to even analyse the sequence of my emotions at the moment, I hope to in time so I can see the patterns

 

It certainly helps me to write these things down so I could be doing that quote often for the next few days.

Edited by brassmonkey
Decreased font size.

paroxatine.30mg-98-14 (16years)/15mg March 14/15mg may 2014 every two days on docs advice, went nuts so went up to 10mg. Took 2months to stabilise.10mg July 2014-sept 2014 (6.9mg)tried WD at 10% every two weeks. went nuts, nearly left husband, cats and country.10mg sept-December 14/9mg Dec-Jan 15/8.5mg Jan-Feb 15/8mg Feb-March 15/7.5mg march 15/7mg march-present. By October, off meds and on ivf. 3 failed ivf and end of 11yr relationship.10mg/July 16- July 17/5mg Jan 18- july 18

0mg july- present. Really struggling 

 

 

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I have a good support network. That is to say I have people close to me I can talk to. The trouble is, they don’t say what I need them to say. I want them to read my mind so they know what they should say. When they don’t, I enter an anger spiral. I get so angry with them (not that they’re aware) which stops me talking to them in the future. I also understand that if I was to tell them my anger, they’d get annoyed with me. And rightly so, if someone said to me “I’m angry coz your not a mind reader so therefore not giving me the advice I need in order to feel better” I’d get fed up with them too. People with mental health problems are hard work! This makes me avoid people which doesn’t do me any favours. It reminds me of a scene from the lost boys where the older brother is a vampire and doesn’t want his brother seeing him. He sits there with his fangs and red eyes saying “go away, I don’t want you to see me like this!”

I have a therapist who I see once a month who’s great. I then enter a spiral of how if I move in with boyf and get pregnant, I won’t be able to work therefore won’t be able to afford to see her. I then get angry that I have to carry a child and not the boyf. I then start inventing scenarios where I tell him I’m leaving him with the snot nosed kid (that doesn’t even exist!) while I go to work because I need to pay for therapy, hobbies and it’s all his fault. Crazy aye? How can you tell someone your angry with them because he’s a man and can’t physically have my child! 

Ok, so Maybe I could tell him what I’ve just written but I’m crap with talking. I don’t want to have to learn to how to communicate. I can’t take any more stress at the moment. Again I want him to read my mind, which makes me get angry that he can’t. By the end of the spiral I hate him

 

Then I’ll get a normal text. This can do one of two things. Either give me the hump that he’s not going through WD with me or make me feel incredible guilty that I turned on him (in my head).

 

 

I’m writing this throughout the day and feel it’s important to add I’ve just found a window. A beautiful, blissful amazingly clear window. I’d nearly forgotten what they were like. What’s odd about them is that I’m still really aware I’m a bit nuts. I’m in a window yet crying sporadically. They’re not tears of frustration or anger, just pointless tears. I don’t mind those so much. 

 

It didn’t last long. But it was good while it lasted. Tomorrow is another day. This evening I’ve spent feeing this weird feeing where I kind of feel sorry for people and want to hug them. I’m not sure what the feeling is but I have my therapist tomorrow which I’m really looking forward to.

Edited by brassmonkey
changed font size

paroxatine.30mg-98-14 (16years)/15mg March 14/15mg may 2014 every two days on docs advice, went nuts so went up to 10mg. Took 2months to stabilise.10mg July 2014-sept 2014 (6.9mg)tried WD at 10% every two weeks. went nuts, nearly left husband, cats and country.10mg sept-December 14/9mg Dec-Jan 15/8.5mg Jan-Feb 15/8mg Feb-March 15/7.5mg march 15/7mg march-present. By October, off meds and on ivf. 3 failed ivf and end of 11yr relationship.10mg/July 16- July 17/5mg Jan 18- july 18

0mg july- present. Really struggling 

 

 

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Sorry for the big writing guys, not sure how I’m even doing it!

paroxatine.30mg-98-14 (16years)/15mg March 14/15mg may 2014 every two days on docs advice, went nuts so went up to 10mg. Took 2months to stabilise.10mg July 2014-sept 2014 (6.9mg)tried WD at 10% every two weeks. went nuts, nearly left husband, cats and country.10mg sept-December 14/9mg Dec-Jan 15/8.5mg Jan-Feb 15/8mg Feb-March 15/7.5mg march 15/7mg march-present. By October, off meds and on ivf. 3 failed ivf and end of 11yr relationship.10mg/July 16- July 17/5mg Jan 18- july 18

0mg july- present. Really struggling 

 

 

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  • Moderator

I toned down the font size a bit for you micro.  We've run into this before and no one seems know how it happens.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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today was a good day. I cried quite a bit but didn’t get into anger spirals. I saw my therapist who’s great (but expensive!). She pointed out that before I was going through WD I displayed similar anger spiral patterns, just not as intense and no where near as often. She explained how people react different when under stress. Some people drink, some are anarexic, some pull their hair out. I, on the other hand enter these anger spirals when under stress. She said it had some purpose as it lets me live out the fantasy where I confront people. One of my biggest issues is, and always has been that I don’t communicate well enough for fear of feeling anxious about certain responses. For example, I need to communicate to the boyf that I’m concerned about financial issues if we have a child and I’m unable to work. I’ve recently taken on a new job and taken a hell of a pay cut which is an added stress. It’s making me think a lot about money and lack of it. Anyway, I wanted to report that most importantly, today was a good day 😁

paroxatine.30mg-98-14 (16years)/15mg March 14/15mg may 2014 every two days on docs advice, went nuts so went up to 10mg. Took 2months to stabilise.10mg July 2014-sept 2014 (6.9mg)tried WD at 10% every two weeks. went nuts, nearly left husband, cats and country.10mg sept-December 14/9mg Dec-Jan 15/8.5mg Jan-Feb 15/8mg Feb-March 15/7.5mg march 15/7mg march-present. By October, off meds and on ivf. 3 failed ivf and end of 11yr relationship.10mg/July 16- July 17/5mg Jan 18- july 18

0mg july- present. Really struggling 

 

 

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  • Mentor
22 minutes ago, Micromonster said:

She pointed out that before I was going through WD I displayed similar anger spiral patterns, just not as intense and no where near as often. She explained how people react different when under stress. Some people drink, some are anarexic, some pull their hair out. I, on the other hand enter these anger spirals when under stress. She said it had some purpose as it lets me live out the fantasy where I confront people. One of my biggest issues is, and always has been that I don’t communicate well enough for fear of feeling anxious about certain responses.

Yow: really helpful, that is totally my grudge-holding pattern. Thanks.

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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Hey farm girl, thanks for popping by, it’s good when we recognise patterns as it means we can break them mid cycle...... well, we can practise trying to!

 

This is intense. I feel fine now so I’ll try to work out what is going on in my brain. 

My main issue has been that people can’t read my mind and don’t say what I want them to say. I understand this is totally unreasonable but that doesn’t change the fact I feel it and find it extremely distressing. There’s been a few events in the last couple of days but I’ll pick the latest and most intense. 

 

i went to the boyf this morning which is an hours drive away. We did fancy dress park run which was great and went crabbing which has always been on my bucket list. I’m writing this now and thinking what a brilliant morning we had. 

 

He assumed I would stay at his tonight and I assumed we were staying at mine (we have a prosecco 5k near mine tomorrow). We’re going away Monday and he still hadn’t packed. Both of us don’t get a lot of free time but I packed a week a go as I knew I wouldn’t get time before hand. I told him I wanted to stay at mine and he suggested he’d stay at his so he could pack. I said late afternoon, “I’m not sure what to do. If your gonna be busy packing then I might go home”. To which he replied “ok, I’ll meet you at the 5k tomorrow”. 

 

What I meant was “im feeling frustrated because I’m going through WD and just want to cry all the time. I’m annoyed you haven’t packed when I made time a week ago so I could have the weekend free to spend with you. Now your going to pack when I need constant attention, so I’m going to punish you by leaving”. With his response, I heard “I’m not really fussed about you being here and you’d probably be in my way. I’m complete oblivious to your frustration so I’ll see you tomorrow”. Now I know this analysis is completely wrong because he’d bought me a pizza to cook that evening (which I secretly got annoyed about because he didn’t buy extra toppings). I’m sure he’d have wanted me to stay tonight, he’s a very affectionate person and we only see each other weekends. I also think he may feel like he’s walking on eggshells and isn’t too sure weather to bring WD up. He knows I didn’t want to tell him and feel vulnerable talking about what goes on in my head so he waits for me to broach the subject. 

 

On the the journey home I sobbed and sobbed and felt I was going to feel that way forever. This was such a horrible feeing. All that was going through my head, was “why didn’t he ask me to stay? What an arse!, I should have told him I needed help and not left, why can’t he read my mind? I’m so angry with him, I’m so frustrated, I need to reinstate, it’s going to take years to stop these feelings, I can’t be in a relationship as I’m too unstable, i need serious psychiatric help, maybe it’s not WD and this is the person I am” these feeling we’re so intense. 

 

I called a few friends who never answered, trying to find someone to talk to. Even if I didn’t mention my issues, just to be able to catch up with people might have snapped me out of my teenage strop. Traffic was horrendous. By time I got home, two friends had phoned me back. One was 500 miles away on holiday and the other was at a child’s party but speaking to them grounded me a bit. 

Now I am grounded, I feel I can cope with future breakdowns but I know through experience this is not true. The next one will be just as bad and I need to get through them without damaging any relationships. In the few hours I had the breakdown, I could have seriously ruined my relationship. I wanted to and I didn’t care. I’d have been left devastated as he means the world to me. It scares me to think of the long term damage my feelings are capible of causing. 

paroxatine.30mg-98-14 (16years)/15mg March 14/15mg may 2014 every two days on docs advice, went nuts so went up to 10mg. Took 2months to stabilise.10mg July 2014-sept 2014 (6.9mg)tried WD at 10% every two weeks. went nuts, nearly left husband, cats and country.10mg sept-December 14/9mg Dec-Jan 15/8.5mg Jan-Feb 15/8mg Feb-March 15/7.5mg march 15/7mg march-present. By October, off meds and on ivf. 3 failed ivf and end of 11yr relationship.10mg/July 16- July 17/5mg Jan 18- july 18

0mg july- present. Really struggling 

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hey farm girl, thanks for popping by, it’s good when we recognise patterns as it means we can break them mid cycle...... well, we can practise trying to!

 

This is intense. I feel fine now so I’ll try to work out what is going on in my brain. 

My main issue has been that people can’t read my mind and don’t say what I want them to say. I understand this is totally unreasonable but that doesn’t change the fact I feel it and find it extremely distressing. There’s been a few events in the last couple of days but I’ll pick the latest and most intense. 

 

i went to the boyf this morning which is an hours drive away. We did fancy dress park run which was great and went crabbing which has always been on my bucket list. I’m writing this now and thinking what a brilliant morning we had. 

 

He assumed I would stay at his tonight and I assumed we were staying at mine (we have a prosecco 5k near mine tomorrow). We’re going away Monday and he still hadn’t packed. Both of us don’t get a lot of free time but I packed a week a go as I knew I wouldn’t get time before hand. I told him I wanted to stay at mine and he suggested he’d stay at his so he could pack. I said late afternoon, “I’m not sure what to do. If your gonna be busy packing then I might go home”. To which he replied “ok, I’ll meet you at the 5k tomorrow”. 

 

What I meant was “im feeling frustrated because I’m going through WD and just want to cry all the time. I’m annoyed you haven’t packed when I made time a week ago so I could have the weekend free to spend with you. Now your going to pack when I need constant attention, so I’m going to punish you by leaving”. With his response, I heard “I’m not really fussed about you being here and you’d probably be in my way. I’m complete oblivious to your frustration so I’ll see you tomorrow”. Now I know this analysis is completely wrong because he’d bought me a pizza to cook that evening (which I secretly got annoyed about because he didn’t buy extra toppings). I’m sure he’d have wanted me to stay tonight, he’s a very affectionate person and we only see each other weekends. I also think he may feel like he’s walking on eggshells and isn’t too sure weather to bring WD up. He knows I didn’t want to tell him and feel vulnerable talking about what goes on in my head so he waits for me to broach the subject. 

 

On the the journey home I sobbed and sobbed and felt I was going to feel that way forever. This was such a horrible feeing. All that was going through my head, was “why didn’t he ask me to stay? What an arse!, I should have told him I needed help and not left, why can’t he read my mind? I’m so angry with him, I’m so frustrated, I need to reinstate, it’s going to take years to stop these feelings, I can’t be in a relationship as I’m too unstable, i need serious psychiatric help, maybe it’s not WD and this is the person I am” these feeling we’re so intense. 

 

I called a few friends who never answered, trying to find someone to talk to. Even if I didn’t mention my issues, just to be able to catch up with people might have snapped me out of my teenage strop. Traffic was horrendous. By time I got home, two friends had phoned me back. One was 500 miles away on holiday and the other was at a child’s party but speaking to them grounded me a bit. 

Now I am grounded, I feel I can cope with future breakdowns but I know through experience this is not true. The next one will be just as bad and I need to get through them without damaging any relationships. In the few hours I had the breakdown, I could have seriously ruined my relationship. I wanted to and I didn’t care. I’d have been left devastated as he means the world to me. It scares me to think of the long term damage my feelings are capible of causing. 

paroxatine.30mg-98-14 (16years)/15mg March 14/15mg may 2014 every two days on docs advice, went nuts so went up to 10mg. Took 2months to stabilise.10mg July 2014-sept 2014 (6.9mg)tried WD at 10% every two weeks. went nuts, nearly left husband, cats and country.10mg sept-December 14/9mg Dec-Jan 15/8.5mg Jan-Feb 15/8mg Feb-March 15/7.5mg march 15/7mg march-present. By October, off meds and on ivf. 3 failed ivf and end of 11yr relationship.10mg/July 16- July 17/5mg Jan 18- july 18

0mg july- present. Really struggling 

 

 

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Well I’ve just got back from a two week holiday and other than being awake at 530 I must say, things have been good. WD symptoms have been at a real low and I’m hopeful. I know being away has meant my stress levels are down but there’s still a certain amount of stress I’m dealing with and I’m coping fine. I really hope I’m over the worst of it, and I hope this gives hope to others. 20 years of being on these and I feel ok. The initial WD was hard but I’m on the other side and it feels good. Good luck guys, I’ll keep you posted with any more bad symptoms 

paroxatine.30mg-98-14 (16years)/15mg March 14/15mg may 2014 every two days on docs advice, went nuts so went up to 10mg. Took 2months to stabilise.10mg July 2014-sept 2014 (6.9mg)tried WD at 10% every two weeks. went nuts, nearly left husband, cats and country.10mg sept-December 14/9mg Dec-Jan 15/8.5mg Jan-Feb 15/8mg Feb-March 15/7.5mg march 15/7mg march-present. By October, off meds and on ivf. 3 failed ivf and end of 11yr relationship.10mg/July 16- July 17/5mg Jan 18- july 18

0mg july- present. Really struggling 

 

 

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Once again that was short lived. Back to work and life and the stress that comes with it. Pretty much straight away came the symptoms again. The angries and the tears. I’m trying to keep stress to a minimum to alleviate the symptoms but it’s not easy. 

paroxatine.30mg-98-14 (16years)/15mg March 14/15mg may 2014 every two days on docs advice, went nuts so went up to 10mg. Took 2months to stabilise.10mg July 2014-sept 2014 (6.9mg)tried WD at 10% every two weeks. went nuts, nearly left husband, cats and country.10mg sept-December 14/9mg Dec-Jan 15/8.5mg Jan-Feb 15/8mg Feb-March 15/7.5mg march 15/7mg march-present. By October, off meds and on ivf. 3 failed ivf and end of 11yr relationship.10mg/July 16- July 17/5mg Jan 18- july 18

0mg july- present. Really struggling 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
On 9/11/2018 at 2:43 PM, Micromonster said:

Well I’ve just got back from a two week holiday and other than being awake at 530 I must say, things have been good. WD symptoms have been at a real low and I’m hopeful. I know being away has meant my stress levels are down but there’s still a certain amount of stress I’m dealing with and I’m coping fine. I really hope I’m over the worst of it, and I hope this gives hope to others. 20 years of being on these and I feel ok. The initial WD was hard but I’m on the other side and it feels good. Good luck guys, I’ll keep you posted with any more bad symptoms 

 

5 hours ago, Micromonster said:

Once again that was short lived. Back to work and life and the stress that comes with it. Pretty much straight away came the symptoms again. The angries and the tears. I’m trying to keep stress to a minimum to alleviate the symptoms but it’s not easy. 

 

 

Hi micromonster, 

 

Im so glad you had a lovely holiday, I love going on holidays. It’s nice to have a change of scenery and not so much housework.

 

Stress can certainly bring on our symptoms but even when we don’t have any extra stress the symptoms can come anyway as our brains are continuing to heal. The sad thing is we can’t escape withdrawals. One day we will totally heal though and then we will be in one big nice, fresh open window. 

 

I hope you manage to find ways to keep the stress down, I wish you all the best in your continued recovery 💚

 

 

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

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thanks carmie.

I got a doctors appointment today (they can be quite hard to get). I cried and couldn’t stop when they said they could see me. What a ****! It’s only an appointment to get the coil removed! I was relieved but it was such an over reaction and I wanted t tell the people in the waiting room “it’s ok, I’m going through drug withdrawal” but didn’t for obvious reasons. I get scared it’s not WD symptoms and it’s me without the drugs and it’s how I’m gonna be forever. I keep reminding myself that on holiday (no stress) I was fine and at the moment I have so much going on that it’s understandable that I’m stressed. 

paroxatine.30mg-98-14 (16years)/15mg March 14/15mg may 2014 every two days on docs advice, went nuts so went up to 10mg. Took 2months to stabilise.10mg July 2014-sept 2014 (6.9mg)tried WD at 10% every two weeks. went nuts, nearly left husband, cats and country.10mg sept-December 14/9mg Dec-Jan 15/8.5mg Jan-Feb 15/8mg Feb-March 15/7.5mg march 15/7mg march-present. By October, off meds and on ivf. 3 failed ivf and end of 11yr relationship.10mg/July 16- July 17/5mg Jan 18- july 18

0mg july- present. Really struggling 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
On 9/20/2018 at 1:12 AM, Micromonster said:

thanks carmie.

I got a doctors appointment today (they can be quite hard to get). I cried and couldn’t stop when they said they could see me. What a ****! It’s only an appointment to get the coil removed! I was relieved but it was such an over reaction and I wanted t tell the people in the waiting room “it’s ok, I’m going through drug withdrawal” but didn’t for obvious reasons. I get scared it’s not WD symptoms and it’s me without the drugs and it’s how I’m gonna be forever. I keep reminding myself that on holiday (no stress) I was fine and at the moment I have so much going on that it’s understandable that I’m stressed. 

 

Hi micro monster, 

 

Im sorry that it was stressful for you going to the doctor.  Yes, our emotions can be all over the place with withdrawals. Those nasty neuro emotions. 

 

Make sure to get some rest even though you’re not on holiday anymore.

 

Take care💚

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

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