Jump to content

LostInTheWoods: Healing


LostInTheWoods

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone, I’m  Lost Woods from PP, changed to LostInTheWoods because it makes more sense, although for calling out names I guess you could abreviate LitW.

 

A reintroduction may follow. I’m 30 years old and I’m male.  Introverted and with a tendency to worry too much about things the average person may not find important. Although having little escoliosis and  a deviated nasal septum since I can remember, overall I was doing fine in the health department, far from clinics and pharmacies. I had some minor dizziness periods about three years ago, but they faded.

 

Two years ago is when everything started. A job crisis filled me with fear of both losing my job in a moment I couldn’t afford to stay unemployed. Naturally, I was anxious a lot of the time: however, the crisis passed, nothing bad happened but I could no longer shut down the anxiety in my body, even if I knew there was nothing to worry about. It started to bring somatic symptoms to the point I suspected I was physically ill. Made some blood tests and came out “disappointed” that there was nothing wrong with them even if I didn’t feel healthy. Sleep was getting shorter until one night I got only two hours and a panic attack.

 

The rest of the story is well known: I got directed to a psychiatrist and he put me on 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam for a short time. It got me to sleep better and I was calm enough to not worry about the initial side effects, which were minor and I was informed about them. My first attempt to leave clonazepam was a failure, but the second attempt was successful: I only lasted two months under benzos.

 

After that period of stabilization, I got to experiment the dream: far less worrisome as before, active through all the day with the sensation of a clear mind and even getting more extroverted, might have been a little hypomania. However, it didn’t last forever  and eventually I was descending into this state where you couldn’t care about anyone or anything, a state I know wasn’t good overall, and decided to withdraw.

 

Detailed notes and history of taper are lost even to me. I went the way down from 20 mg down to 5 mg there were bad days when I couldn’t concentrate and could only stare at the screen like a zombie, days when anxiety could surge out of nowhere or days where sleep tooks hours to happen since the moment I was laying on bed, days where some odd pain in a part of the body it didn’t used to hurt appeard with no apparent explanation. However, I never wished to reinstate and after stabilizing and keep the tapering off.

After a few weeks on 5 mg, cutting the pills became difficult and my daily dose of paroxetine was more irregular. To my dismay, absolutely no drugstore in my town sells liquid paroxetine! I got those weird looks from the employees as I were looking for some martian medicine. I got desperate, feeling no difference whether I took the paroxetine or not and CT from there, without wanting to look back. This was 6 months ago. I’ll leave details of these last months symptoms for another post where I’ll look for advice.

 

Right now I feel old, with less vitality than before. Back in the day I thought that the aging process with be very gradual and slow, and that I could lead a ordinary life in the 30-40 decade with little decrease on mental and physical energy. Instead,  I feel as if I had been cursed with a sudden aging spell that left me with little will to do plans with my life and move forward. I know I must do it but lacking the spirit to do it, it is hard to try. As others, I’m mad that drugs like the SSRIs exist, with little knowledge about how they work at the biological level and with the potential to screw the whole organism, feet to head, in ways no one can predict and leave everyone guessing, with some statistics thrown there to pretend there’s knowledge. But getting mad for the sole sake of it leads nowhere, and I’m completely oriented to getting personal and concrete courses of action.

 

Hello everyone here and also previous PP posters. As I said there, forums like these have very good people and quality and I respect them a lot. Hopefully I can add something as well.

Edited by scallywag
tags

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment

Hello and welcome. I was kairbear on PP. I relate to the feeling old. I am 44 and feel 80. I am 5 and a half months off Paxil and actually reinstated 1.2 mg two weeks ago to try and alleviate some of my suffering. Hasn't done much and now I am mad I did it. I hope you find comfort and advice here.

2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale.
.6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th)
.4mg(April 27th)
.2 (June 27th)

0mg.  done taper at beginning of August.

Link to comment

Welcome to this site. I'm new here and am so thankful to the moderators and others. It's a great place for support. Hope you post here a lot.

Link to comment

A recap of the recent events until today:

 

After quitting paroxetine, I remember not having any nasty withdrawal symptoms, which was quite weird, like expecting a hurricane in the weather news and instead getting one of those soft rains that make a nice white noise when the raindrops hit the window. It was pleasant.However, it seems as if my job had seen the green light to get tough: three rough months came when I had to do night shifts twice or three times a week, with little spare time to get outside, meet family or friends or even search a new job. I hated my work back then, but in a sense, I can say I was rather well those days: well enough, energetic enough to get mad and even if I was mad, I could and did my job rather well. It didn’t involved carrying heavy loads, so my back wasn’t in danger but it was quite physical: moving from one place to another and doing enough walking around. It involved being outdoors at nights and even at low temperatures, I didn’t catch a cold where workmates really did.

Finally, that work load ended and everything looked fine: I was finally at an office job again, where I could put my best abilities to work and I felt fine and confident to get some plans going: but I was getting too ahead of myself.

 

Don’t know how much it was protracted withdrawal or protacted fatigue from last months (and I don’t believe that last one much: if I don’t feel tired a day or two after a heavy day I believe there’s no physical fatigue to rest from), but symptoms started attacking from all angles:

 

The only funny one: a pimple appeared on my cheek, big even for my old teenage standards. Naturally unsightly and impossible to ignore, it refused to mature and become easy to rupture. I gave up and went to a dermatologist, which quickly drained it and prescribed me a soap for acne. 30 years old and still using a soap for acne? Geez.

 

My left eye reddened from one day to another. I didn’t get better with regular eyedrops. I visited the ophthalmologist  and he made me realize I was seeing a little blurry with the left eye. Quite a shocker, since my eyesight was one of the things I was proud of. Got some special eyedrops prescribed.

 

The soreness of the throat signaled “cold ahead”. Didn’t want to worry that much, but that cold knocked me out for a couple of days, having to stay at home. The body hurt a lot even if fever didn’t show up: the following days when I was getting better my left eye vision became blurrier and reading text at the screen was becoming harder. Combined with headaches and pain behind the eyes, it finally convinced me to do something about my deviated septum, since I know very well that isn’t withdrawal related.

 

Fortunately, my left eye got better and reading was no longer a daunting task. While I was looking for an otolaryngologist to make an appointment, the last symptom appeared 5 days ago: some tingling feeling on the genital area. It is not really painful or incapacitating but I hate it is the “never happened before” kind of symptom and it has a multitude of potential causes, some of them quite scary. I don’t want to panic but it doesn’t go away and it has brought to me that old anxiety state that I was trying to leave in the past. I fear it has become a feedback loop where the tingling cause the anxiety and viceversa and each one feeds the other.

I’m not in panic right now but my sight of the future has being reduced to "Am I going to be well by the end of this week?"  I’m going to ask about it in another part of the forum. So far alive and going. I hope all of this is a wave and I come out stronger by the end of the year.

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment

* post and one following moved from symptoms

 

Although I briefly described it on the log, I sense it is a better idea to isolate it in another tread. Also, I think it is a better idea to separate male and female sexual symptoms since by its own nature the problems and the way they are to be dealt with tend to be quite unique, so a thread were men can share specific information (and maybe women with affected husbands) about it will result in less misunderstanding between posters.

 

As for me, last five days I have been experiencing some sort of tingling feeling in the penis and sometimes the crotch area that waxes and wanes several times a day. It doesn't feel exactly like the numbness of limbs when sitting with a leg up: the numb leg feels awkward when stepping with them and I don't feel my penis crotch weird at the touch when the tingling occurs. It feels like some very fast and slight vibration. I try to associate it with something but I can't so far. Most of the time it happens when I stand up after being sit for an hour or two, it also tends to happen when I lay on the bed before sleeping. I have a little more problem getting it up but still works as intended. I tried to masturbate once to see if the tingling went away but was a failure.

 

By now, it is starting to make me feel anxious and I'm almost sure that when something starts giving me anxiety the tlckling starts to happen and of course anxiety increases because of it. I'm at a loss at what to do here: of course I don't want this to degenerate into impotence or whatnot, but after spending a lot on doctors as of late, I don't want some misdiagnosis for something that may be just withdrawal.

 

If someone here has passed through this, can you give me advice? To the men here, how are you doing in this department?

Edited by Petu
added note

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment

I don't want to scare you and I certainly hope it's not the case but it does sound to be symptomatic of PGAD aka RGS. It started in a similar fashion in my own experience and has yet to abate, in fact it gradually became more troubling with time (again not my intention to worry you).

 

Hopefully it won't amount to anything and will pass as quickly as it appeared.

December 2008 Prescribed 20mg citalopram (celexa) for depression and OCD.July 2013 stopped taking citalopram (celexa). November 2013 reinstated citalopram (celexa) following replapse at 20mg for 4 weeks, 40mg for 4 weeks and tapered off over 4 weeks as my condition had deteriorated. February 2014 started 20mg of fluoxetine (prozac). Didn't tolerate it and stopped 4 weeks later, experienced no withdrawal. May 2014 started 25mg of sertraline (zoloft), increased to 50mg after 1 week. Remained at 50mg for 4 weeks before increasing to 100mg at the request of my psychiatrist despite advising of suicidal ideation for an additional week before stopping. Advised to drop to 50mg for 3 days before withdrawing altogether. I did as advised and horrendous withdrawal ensued. 11th August 2014 commenced escitalopram (lexapro), weaned off end of October 2014. Commenced Clonazepam December 2014 0.5mg twice daily, switched to Diazepam 10mg twice daily with a view to tapering of the benzodiazepine altogether. Tapering schedule presently at a reduction of 1mg of Diazepam every 1-2 weeks depending upon side effects. So far experienced no severe physical side effects except worsening of PGAD symptoms upon reduction which does seem to improve within a few days of doing so. Presently taking no antidepressants however still experiencing mild agitation, severe depression and PGAD which is currently being treated by a physiotherapist.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi LITW,

I moved your new topic from symptoms to your own thread, it does sound like mild PGAD, we already have a topic, please add to the discussion if you wish:

 

Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD)

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

It has been a while. Some progress has been made, but still several bumps across the road...

 

That unconfortable tingling feeling in the crotch finally vanished. It took like two weeks to go and it was driving me nuts. Now I know it is just another WD symptom that I didn't see coming and I'm relieved but it makes me wonder how many surprises are waiting in this year.

 

I finally got the surgery on my deviated septum last week. I couldn't avoid feeling anxious the week before but fortunately I make it at work through that week.

 

I can add the surgery experience to my list and, other than the intravenous serum and the anesthesia it wasn't really bad per se. However, sleep with that pesky bandage stuffed to my nose was bad the following days, with less hours and constant awakenings and clock checks. I finally got that bandage removed and the mucus vacuumed. Sleep was great! Don't know if it was in part because of the previously bad days, but I hadn't feel that good when awakening for a very long time, so if that is going to be normal after I fully recover from the surgery, I'll look forward to it.  Sadly I got nasal congestion last night so sleep wasn't was subpar.

 

My main issue right now are the post op medications, with clorphenamine as antihistaminic, although now that I researched it seems to an SNRI too. I wasn't looking forward to returning to these things. I have been experiencing dizziness at times and vision seems to blur and I have been doing more effort in order to read, write or even watch TV. Is it the clorphenamine or a wave? No way to know, but I'll discuss with my doctor if I can end the clorphenamine soon.

 

I'm on my last recovery days before I return back to work. I hope to have most issues fixed by then.

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

You may wish to ask your doctor for a different antihistamine, and taper off clorphenamine if it worries you.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment
  • 2 months later...

From the last post, I see I've had like a month and a half of an overall good feeling. The annoyances of the operation subseded and had a nice time. However, thursday last week I feel awful: a headache that feels as if my eyeballs were being pressed against my skull, nausea, dizziness and a level of fatigue that made me wish to be on bed all day and sleeping. Work had to be done, so I did my best to cope until Saturday. I had to attend to a family reunion and keep a good facade, which can be as tiring as the wave itself. From the point of view of an stranger it may be pointless to try to hide the wave from family members but once after getting truly disappointed with the state of medicine and seeing that people expect you to either cure you and heal completely after a visit to the doctor or be some sort of defective that should be left to his aliments, Another one is the "you're fine, there's nothing wrong with you, you are just tired from last week, slept poorly,etc" which essentially means "stop whining". 

 

I rather keep the symptoms to myself.

 

The awful fatigue lasted until Sunday. This week I kept having some dizziness and felt brainfogged at times, although I could perform with my mind sharp most days. It was much better than last weekend, and for now it relieves me.

I need to stop coffee. I noted this week that it is producing me some kind of nausea an hour or two after drinking it and truth to be told I don't feel that kind of kick from it anymore. If anything, seems to me that I can function very well when I skip it. I'm not feeling well enough to do exercise but looking at the mirror I look quite feeble and need improvement. I hope the wave fully vanishes this week, but I need to convince me that I'm not allowed to keep idle and continuing old vices while it happens.

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

On the bright side I'm not dizzy or brain fogged. However, this week I have been experienced physical fatigue and pain in a lot of joints, particularly the fingers. I made some effort lifting some heavy (about 10 kg) objects with the right arm and now I have a pain that goes from the elbow to the fingers. I thought it could be typical delayed onset muscle pain but after three days of not fading away I wen to the traumatologist: no appreciable lesion on the x-rays, just inflamed tissue at the elbow region and I got ibuprofen prescribed for it. It has worked in the sense that the pain is no longer my first priority in my thoughts but it's six days and it still bothers me when typing at the computer. Is it normal to become this fragile during WD?

 

I'm 11 months from my last dose of paroxetine, so I think there's no point on reinstating so, is there something else that can alleviate symptoms, especially the ones at the muscles or joints?

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Gentle exercise might be better for you.

 

Acupuncture can be helpful for that kind of pain.

 

Are you still caffeinating?

 

Don't forget fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

Yes you are more fragile during withdrawal. Avoid activities or positions that hurt, ice is great for inflation and accompanying pain, I take magnesium and b complex to help my body overcome injury or stress. find a balance between maintaining function (as you slowing increase activities) and rest. Our bodies need rest to recover and rest to gain strength, it is part of the process.

40 mg Paxil for 2.5 years

Quit cold turkey March 2006

WIthdrawal painful but gradually felt better after a year or so.

Now, ten years out, life has its problems because life is life But I am so happy and grateful for my life.

Link to comment

I have been cutting coffee this week. My arm is also better. However, I'm afraid I relapsed into anxiety and panic. Intelectually, I can describe it very easily: every little symptom like the pain on that arm or some lightheadedness makes anxious thinking I'm very sick and have some terrible disease which in turn triggers more nausea, dizziness or makes me difficult to get asleep. Emotionally, I can't help stopping it and get paralyzed in fear.

 

Right now I'm broken. I hate to admit it but I won't be able to keep a facade of everything being fine. I'm going to set aside my pride and tell my family for support. I don't want to return to a psychiatrist since he will probably prescribe me an antidepressant again but I do need some help. Do you recommend me CBT?

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I have been cutting coffee this week. My arm is also better. However, I'm afraid I relapsed into anxiety and panic. Intelectually, I can describe it very easily: every little symptom like the pain on that arm or some lightheadedness makes anxious thinking I'm very sick and have some terrible disease which in turn triggers more nausea, dizziness or makes me difficult to get asleep. Emotionally, I can't help stopping it and get paralyzed in fear.

 

Right now I'm broken. I hate to admit it but I won't be able to keep a facade of everything being fine. I'm going to set aside my pride and tell my family for support. I don't want to return to a psychiatrist since he will probably prescribe me an antidepressant again but I do need some help. Do you recommend me CBT?

I found CBT very helpful, changing the way that you deal with the thoughts makes a big difference. When you feel the symptoms and your brain then tells you it is an illness you get scared. Tell your brain to shut up because you know it is withdrawal. It takes time to retrain your thoughts so that you control them and they dont control you. We can't control what thoughts pop into our head, they come all on their own, but we can control whether we allow them to stay.  I heard this analogy once......."you can't stop a bird landing on your head but you can stop it building a nest and roosting". That doesn't mean it is easy, it isn't, it is hard but eventually you can lessen the anxiety that is triggered by thoughts.  I found this site helpful...... http://llttf.com/ It shows how our thoughts can lead to pani and anxiety and has steps to take to help with it.  

 

Withdrawal is terrible and only time will heal but CBT can help some. Be careful if you decide to see a CBT therapist and choose carefully, if you feel at all uncomfortable then that one is not for you! 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

Link to comment

All hell broke loose these two days. Anxiety has had a firm grip on me and all kind of bothersome symptoms have appeared: most of the time, that sensation one part void one part pain on the chest that is normal to feel like some minutes before a tense moment, except that now it is like two thirds of the day. A bloated feeling and lack of appetite even in the face of those foods I enjoy. Lightheaded at moments and some increased sensitivity to light that make me look for dim lighting, this especilly at the end of the day.

 

These two days I tried to take a nap, the increased heartrate and a hot spell kept me from falling asleep. It's the same situation that I had three years ago when these all started. I'm worried, I'm going to a new therapist tomorrow.

 

Right now as I write this I'm calm. I went for a walk in the afternoon and was quite pleasing since I live close to a neighborhood that has a lot of gardens and big threes that look especially beautiful during the sunset. Even if these bad days, I have been able to laugh at some jokes and evoking some memories almost brought tears to my eyes, which is good considering that it has been a while since I started to consider myself like a subhuman automaton unable to feel complicated feelings like happiness or sadness and that all it could register was physiological pleasure or fear. I hope for the future, but I'm uncertain if I can get out of this "neurochemical pit" with my will alone. While this hope lasts, I take the opportunity to thank again to people here at this site, it really helps to go on.

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you for the update LITW,

 

I'm glad your wave didn't last long and you are feeling calmer again now. Like MammaP, I also recommend CBT. It wont cure withdrawal, but it can help you to learn how to control your own thoughts rather than have them control you. It also teaches us how to look clearly at our own beliefs and behaviors so we can decide what is helpful and what isn't.

 

I hope you are able to get some support and understanding from your family.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment

These weekend I have in some sort of "anxiety hangover" from the week. I don't feel the inner despair and permament anxious state I felt at the beginning and I'm glad for it, that said, there's still some issues. The main one is being lightheaded a lot of the time and having some dizzy spells cast on me on anxious moments; also, my appetite has been irregular and there are times when I can enjoy what I am eating but some other times I only eat because I make myself do it. An old friend called me to hang around and the idea of him see me in this sorry pitiful state freaked me out and was trying to come wexcuse to decline without disappointing him. Fortunately he cancelled later, but by then I was already dizzy and having some sort of mindfog that blocked my thoughts. For once i tried to pray, but it was as ideas couldn't come to match what I was feeling deep on the inside.

 

It's sunday. A little tired probably from the turmoil from this week and because I slept less that I would have liked to. Little dizziness this time. I'm alone at home, and I just don't feel the pull to leave my bed and stop wasting time surfing the web. I need to stop, really wish I were infused with the sudden drive to move forward in my life, to advance, to create things of value at work, to cheer my close ones, to have a family to protect with my strenght. Right now I feel as if I can do something, but just can't feel its reward. Guess this is a depression sink. Today I'll focus on daily homework, hope it distracts me from this state of utter passivitiy and get some traction going.

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment

Bad days, dealing with rebound anxiety and phobias I hoped they were gone.

 

The pain in the elbow returned. Looking it with a cold perspective, it is probably the result of me working a lot of time in front of a computer and may be some of these tunnel syndromes. But these days, when other symptoms like lightheadedness and hot sweat spells are also striking, it sets my compulsive obsessive mind into overdrive, thinking in a future of doom. Got an anxiety attack when outdoors: my arm got sore holding the cellphone, almost got disoriented at the sight of a bunch of plants in a gardening store, confused within the array of superimposed flowers and leaves. Although I have some ghosting effect of lights at night in the eyes, today it was quite bad, and made me quite unconfortable when driving in the way home.

 

Luckily, I'm now next at bed, ready to sleep soon. Need to calm myself, can't continue like this. I'm probably going to take a day off from work to stabilize, because if this continues I'm afraid I'm not going to cut it at work.

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I can relate to getting disoriented by plants in a gardening store, I've felt disturbed by all kinds of things, only someone going through withdrawal would understand these experiences.

I hope this wave passes soon for you.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment

This weekend I got to see some old friends from the university. Hadn't seen some of them for 8 years! Look alive and well, some of then already with kids. But I was already anxious the moment they decided to reunite: I haven't been on my good days and didn't want to give that inner impression of weakness, of despair. I know that despite my best efforts I must have exposed that image at least for moments. A part of it is pure ego, sure but on another part, it feels like one becomes an infectious focus of anguish, of sadness that doesn't want to contaminate what would otherwise make a very good picture. Feel sorry for my parents and my sister for that reason too.

 

There are some brief moments in the day that I almost feel as if I were in my early twenties and get a surge of confidence. Today, as I was taking a walk, felt like dashing and doing and old sprint. For a moment felt good and despite my fear my lungs were up to the task. But those moments fade away and I return to a low, depressed self. I hate not being in control of my energy levels. Anyone here has issues regarding quick mood swings like this? What do you recommend to make the good mood more stable and longer (can't it be forever?).

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment

From everything I read, the windows of feeling "good" get longer as time goes on, so try to be patient. It's encouraging that you are having windows, that is a sign of healing! Hang in there and the windows will gradually get longer and longer for you. :-)

 

I can totally relate to the low energy and depression, I try to push through it but it's a constant battle that I feel like I am almost always losing. I never dealt with this before medication, it will go away eventually. Time is the great healer, and in the meantime we learn to have the patience of a saint. Sigh.

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

Link to comment
  • 4 months later...
  • Moderator

Hey LitW - it sounds like you are making progress, even if it seem tedious at times.

 

Just a reminder, healing comes in waves and windows:  Waves and Windows

 

Sometimes it seems unrelenting, and then - the sun comes out for a short time.  Sometimes, it even seems like it's going to last, but the wave will descend again (sometimes brought on by stress).

 

You've been off a long time, I'm sure you've seen improvement, though it may seem minor.  Take it as it comes!

 

Sometimes I think I'm the same, then I will meet an old friend I haven't seen in awhile, and they will comment how I seem so much better than the last time I saw them.  I know it is because I'm not drugged, but I graciously say "thank you" and smile inside, knowing that I am getting better.

 

You are getting better.  Keep reminding yourself of that, it will help.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

This was an eventful, interesting week in the sense of that "may you live interesting times" chinese saying.

 

I had some sleep irregularity before but nothing too bad. I mean, 5 hours a night may not be an ultimate goal but hardly passes for insomnia. That said, last Saturday I wake up earlier and at trying to get some more sleep had this unconfortable situation where even if the arms and legs feel heavy and rigid the mind keeps fully conscious, unwilling to shut off (is there an official name for it?). I eventually gave up and went to work and it was at about 12 AM where a big bout of anxiety came all of a sudden and took a hold of me. Thoughts rushed and the anxiety turned into doom ones. I ended work desperate to go home and catched some sleep in a nap although the very thought of anxiety being back ruined my peace. I went to see some friends, unwilling to break a compromise, hanged around and came home early. Sunday my mind was running wild and my overall composure and self confidence broken. By monday, my anxiety receded and became a minor, tolerable disturbance in the horizon and became functional at work.

 

I managed to get a promotion at work. I'm excited because the job looks promising and engaging in the future but I wish I could jump of joy and put a huge smile but instead I feel Droopy like of "well, that's okay I guess". I don't fear the job itself, I sometimes fear for the anxiety to come back and ruin it all, even if I'm more restrained and experienced this time.

 

Although I can work rather well, I feel slow like the sloths of the Zootopia trailer. Wish I could be full of positive energy but feels as if the only possible alternative to lazy and anhedonic were anxious and worried. In this state I'm green with envy of maniacs / hypomaniacs. When they talk of it as if it were a disorder or an ailment I am like "Cure? who wouldn't like to be like that forever?!"

 

Anyway, I can't deny I'm better than the past year or the beginning of this one. Time to prepare for Christmas... am I bad for feeling it like a chore rather than a holiday?

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment
  • 1 year later...

Wow, like 14 months have passed away from the last post. On the good side, a rather long period where these gloomy themes of anxiety, depression, panic, etc didn't stayed in my head for too long, on another, the absence kinda made me forget how I got there.

 

Must admit, this year had a bunch of ups but also some lows. At work kind of failed on one assignment that got another position. Didn't got a wage reduction but may have missed a raise. Looking back, it's clear that it was a job that didn't play to my strenghts and that even if I had kept doing well it would have bored me fast, with less intellectual challenges and more of "professional relationships maintenance" which tires me. However, it disappointed me quite hard and it is taking me some time to recoup and find my place.

 

I have been indulging myself into excessive, destructive pleasures as of late: on alcoholic drinks, sometimes above my actual confortable level (2 drinks at a party night) or some days straight. The hangover is quick to remind me I'm not in the 20s anymore and being on a KO of sorts until the night of the next day is no fun. On regular work days, I've crossed my own set limit of 2 coffee cups a day (morning and afternoon) and I was coasting on the intense brief period where it seems to have no consequences. Lastly, abused masturbation telling me it was "chemicals free".

 

Well the wake up call came out. Yesterday I went to exercise and felt rigid, without both the energy and the natural drive to run, resetting to walking mode as if restrained by elastic bands. Something that feels like a migraine that goes from within the nose, through the eye and up to the right parietal has made their ugly presence and it is giving me a rather loud tinnitus that is hard to ignore (and I'm usually quite good at it). Today I woke up 7 AM and the realization of this trigger the very anxiety I was hoping to never see anymore: that feeling of a remote, primal dread which is foolish to argue with but it can spawn thoughts of doom by its own. Like fear itself.

 

Somehow previous experiences have hardened me against it and after some initial anxious doubt I managed to get the work snowballing so it ended fine. I decided to wander it here and it is quite soothing to be reminded by my past comment that this can get better, but have no time to lose. Need a plan fast to put those bad habits to rest. Beyond that, a plan about where to go now because telling yourself "I'll drink a single coffee by the morning" without declaring the why in the broadest "why all these matters" it is a battle that gets lost in the long run.

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment

Starting to get things fixed even if it is little by little. No drinks at all, no self pleasure and a single cup of coffee in the morning. Own room stopped being a mess and I can walk through it and concentrate in it.

 

That tension and anxiety went away although I still feel tired and low on energy to do social activities like a night meeting. Either I ignore it, or the tinnitus at least recedes for like half of the day and only by afternoon when I'm a little tired from work does it come back. Not happy at all of this noisy companion, but not utterly freaked out about it. This is uncharasteristic, but I have some sort of inner feeling of "everything's going to be fine" within, in sharp contrast to the olden days of utter anxiety, panic and being unable to see how I would make it alive into the next week. Feels like being a warrior of many past battles, hardened by them even if there are some lifelong scars allowing to distinguish between the before and the after.

 

I'm kinda depressed for the economic future on my country, which is rather bleak even when seeing it by a rational look. The sick thing would be to look at it and pretend it is fine. But of course, that must not put me down. Need to see a way to prosper, perhaps taking out the silly aspirations to become rich, a millionaire and look into something more grounded, within my universe and my reach.

 

I look to the betta fish in his tank: he comes out of his house and greets me as I rise the lid, part of it being waiting for the meal, another part probably excited as he quickly moves his fins, he's docile enough to caress him a little with the finger:  it soothes me, for at least he's living confortably in a 5 gal heated and filtered tank. Something to do, something to kill time when it seems infinitely long, something to give a respite when things are in a hurry and seem to unravel at too fast of a pace.

 

The weekend comes and the payday is close too. Seems like time to think some actual investments to get things going in the mid term.

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment

After at least months of not taking thirst seriously, I've drinking water in a more regular basis, which the body may have taken as a golden moment since now that I'm paying attention to it thirst comes more regularly and I'm quick to quench it with a glass of water.

 

Day 4 and tinnitus in the right ear is still loud, and it's fueling my anxiety while probably reinforcing it in a vicious circle. I can forget it on crowded places and meetings, which bring me relief. But alone in my room, it is the only sound standing. Music helps, although I turn it off by the hour as I tire of it.

 

Paranoid thought trains have started to set off: at a hamburger restaurant, seeing three people with mental disabilities suddenly make me wonder if I were going to be along them in the future. Ideas of not going to be happy ever again lurk to my mind with the buzzing acting like a "!YEESS!" to them.

 

I hate myself right now, weak, powerless. Have always wanted to be strong and unshakably confident by myself so I could then relate to others from that position, but in practice I give away to selfindulgence in solitude and expect to never relate at all. Result: it's the third time I got into the anxiety crisis that might escalate into panic attacks in my life, and the 2nd time after leaving a SSRI.

 

I feel cornered between having to endure all this by myself of pleading help only to receive pressure to go to a psychiatrist which will be "oh yeah that's sad that's wrong take this SSRI bye and visit me again in two weeks so I can charge you more money for the same routine". I'm yet to see a doctor which is willing to offer personal and genuine help without siding with the Pharma that gives him / her the pills to prescribe.

 

I have been able to pull a facade to this and in some sort of way I have been actually more caring with my close ones than the usual indifference I tend to give. Not from some overcompensation, but because I truly feel it that even if I'm rotten inside there's some happiness I can procure onto others with what I have.

 

Beside the regime on coffee, alcohol and sex / masturbation, I have set some goals to fulfill in order to have something positive so "lack of pain" is not the attainable goal: from getting a small business project going to achieving a beautiful garden and getting a more sustainable home that is less dependendent on the turmoils of economy. As of now, spent the morning putting some needed tidiness to my room and starting to dispose a lot of stuff I don't use anymore and felt like it was invading my head by being all time at sight.

 

Given that this tinnitus is localized to the right ear, it goes away for moments or changes with head movements and I actually feel the ear a little stuffed, there's some chance it may be of mechanical origin, at least part of it so a otologist may be able to diagnose the ear and recommend something specific, so I'm going tomorrow.

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment

Kept today at one cup of coffee. Was a little tired by 14:00 before leaving work for supper but didn't regret it.

 

The doctors agenda was already crowded today so I had to make an appointment for tomorrow. Want to believe so hard it is something mechanical, and earwax blockage, a infection, some sinus inflammation... whatever that it's not exclusive to the realm of neurons and gray matter, that place in which we as a whole are lost and can't see much besides some color patterns put there on our own in a attempt to represent brain activity, as vague as trying to judge what a building does by how bright the lights are lit at night.

 

I've had some of it since I was young and had forgotten its existence. Fluoxetine upped the volume and in those spring days I thanked God for the crickets as their screeching would make me ignore the ringing and after replacing it with Paxil it went away.

 

Anyone reading this who have had tinnitus and then luckily have it gone, how long can high volume periods can be? Are we talking about days, months, years...?

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Good to see you again, Lost.

 

That the tinnitus sometimes relents indicates that it might fade away. 

 

Are you taking fish oil and magnesium? They might help with some relaxation effects.

 

You sound lonely. Perhaps you can take up some light social activities?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

Small victory and leap forward today. Finally saw the ENT doctor that did nasal bridge surgery on me two years ago and after some inspection, he noted sinus inflamation and two earwax blockages. He prescribed some meds and after the rinsing and vacuuming the earwax tinnitus got down like by 30 decibels. Now I could forget it all day except when in the silence of my room, and by today it has changed to sound like wilderness crickets. I like crickets.

 

I've have several earwax blockage before so the experience after having them retired is already familiar and funny... new acute tones emerge and it's like the hair sensory cells in charge of listening those suddenly wake up and add a different touch to usual sounds: the fabric from clothes hisses as their surfaces rub against each other, typing on computers have some new sharp tones and water drops and streams from faucets and showers produces a crisp sound. Experience lasts a few days, then I get accustomed and later wax builds up again.

 

Good to see you again, Lost.

 

That the tinnitus sometimes relents indicates that it might fade away. 

 

Are you taking fish oil and magnesium? They might help with some relaxation effects.

 

You sound lonely. Perhaps you can take up some light social activities?

 

Thanks Altostrata. Still hanging around. I'm gonna give a try to fish oil and magnesium, so I'll be lurking in the supplements thread to get the doses right.

 

About being lonely... well I'm guilty as charged. Although introverted since birth, I gotta admit it was a mix of ego and a search for some perceived power and strength that I strived to be alone, independent, not needing anyone at all. At this age, after several bouts of anxiety, depression and living without a clear aim. I have to admit that that solitude, that absolute independence, that self sufficiency... it's too much, beyond me, forever away from my grasp. I need to socialize more, starting with my very family who I often neglect and beyond, will be extending some bonds with some old friends and maybe new ones or at least new people that I could count on while at the same time be useful to them. For the moment, I will try to start communication with an uncle of mine who was very kind to me and my sister when we were kids and who later in life falled below the dark mantle of depression and started taking ADs. Hopefully we may be finding some good things to talk about since I'm not looking forward to center on how much depression sucks or the cure is worse than the disease.

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment

One good day and one "not so good". Thursday, all cilinders firing and I was on high energy levels and quite the good mood, going to bed with the "can't wait for tomorrow" feel. Today, tinnitus was slightly louder (but not close to the hell of last week) on wakeup but anxiety got way higher. I probably ruined my day mentally since the beginning. The mood was low and felt tired throughout the day. It's friday and even then I wanted to do nothing but going home, eat a nice dinner and go to sleep.

 

On the good side, I finally make myself go to the supplement store and buy the fish oil and the magnesium. From what I've read, seems I'm going to take a pill of fish oil and a quarter of a 250 mg pill starting by tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

LostInTheWoods -- thanks for letting us know how you're doing. 

 

Please start with only one supplement and increase it slowly. If you start both fish oil and magnesium and have a reaction, you won't know which is causing the problem.

 

We call the pattern you're seeing of good days and bad days The Windows and Waves pattern of stabilization

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

It was fortunate then. Since I'm already taking the meds prescribed by the ENT, I didn't want to add two additional ones to the mix so I have started with the fish oil pills only.

 

Overall, quite fine. Tinnitus reached a new low to the point I don't notice it unless there's utter silence and even then it is pretty much the one I'm accustomed to. Got to see some pals yesterday and everything was overall fine even in the energy level department. I hope to get more days like these.

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

It's a good sign that the tinnitus stopped for a brief period -- probably more windows and longer windows are coming your way.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment
  • 2 months later...

Ugh, I guess I hit a wave last week.

 

Last Friday I even went to see an ice skating show with the family and had a nice time and a little heavy dinner but nothing out of the ordinary. Something that only after a few days I can classify as heartburn woke me up at 4:30 AM and kept me awake for the rest of the night. I dad big plans for saturday on work and after that all I could think about was about getting home ASAP.

 

It is probably related to the acid reflux the fact I feel thick saliva on the throat that is hard to swallow. Yesterday hearburn also woke me up and took some sodium carbonate to get back to sleep after an hour and a half. I got ready for this night with a early dinner and some antacid and... like a clockwork, woke up at 4:30 AM again (no hearburn at least) and failed to get back to sleep.

 

Fortunately this has upped my resolve and convinced me to cut off caffeine entirely. I have pulled off some big work schedules this week (like 9 to 20:00) that leave me little to do when going home but I was counting on some good nights of sleep to recover. I seriously don't want to hit a low right now when work is at its most demanding. I'm almost tempted to take a Xanax next time I woke up early to get quickly back to sleep but I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to get up when it is due time.

 

Thinking it, it is clearly that the seed of this wave was already planted there, with me being on mere autopilot mode for the last weeks. I've turned 33 and while hoping to do big changes, it put me into middle age crisis, looking as if I have so little time left before age drags me to retirement. Feel isolated, must talk more with close family and friends.

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment

The good news is that heartburn and acid reflux receeded, the bad news is that a nasty took their place, with me needing a tissue nearby to avoid nasal dripping; however, the priority this days has been my mind going wild with a rush of thoughts and emotions, feeling like akathisia at times. At morning after getting dressed and prepared to go out a feeling of "DONE NOW WHAT" rised up immediately and sitting or standing were completely out of the question so I started to tidy up my meds drawer in a frantic effort to fill in the minutes (was waiting for relatives to be ready). I was avoiding the internet in my phone or tablet because it would send my mind into overdrive with ideas flowing in and out at full speed. At noon a part of me was tired on it but it kept going.

 

Some relatives visited us at my house, fortunately my sister, much more sociable than I, was there so she and her husband could keep the majority of the conversation with my cousins; however, it is still sad for me to face them in this sorry state, a husk of the former kid which energetically played with them long ago. Love them, but don't want to bring the low mood to them. They have gone, and I hope to meet them in a much better state next time.

 

I wish I could say emotions were felt like a rainbow but most of the time it is only anxiety what comes out of the heart. It feels like being put in a roller coaster and being at the mercy of an unknown operator. Somethings bring me happiness, like seeing my relatives together and doing fine, or like witnessing the hummingbirds coming into the garden to have a taste of the flowers which blossom during this months, but compared to the anxiety, they look ephemeral. Many times during the same day I go from "looks like I'm closing this wave" to "I will never be happy and strong ever again". Heart feels dry, broken, capable of feeling anguish and not more.

 

Today was a national holiday, so its only tomorrow until I go to work. I have figured out most of the work for the coming week so luckily I'll be able to pilot it without much trouble.

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

Link to comment
  • scallywag changed the title to LostInTheWoods: Healing

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy