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For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal

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mammaP

Are you feeling desperate or suicidal? 

 

Sadly, many of us have felt that we simply cannot carry on. Most of us here have been in that situation, some as a side effect of medication and others from withdrawal. It is a feeling that is all consuming and taunts us day and night. We are all deeply saddened to see a fellow member feeling so low and being powerless to help. We are not professionals and not equipped to offer the support and guidance that is needed, but are here to offer understanding and empathy.  

 

What you are feeling is real, it is devastating and it hurts, but it will get better.  In the meantime it is important that you talk to someone. Talking about your feelings will help you to deal with them. There are many agencies that have helplines dedicated to helping people who are suicidal and I am going to post links to some organisations that can offer the support that we can't.  

 

Talking helps us to put things into perspective and release some of the tension, especially when no-one seems to understand or believe what we are going through. If you are religious then maybe someone at your church will understand and listen without judgement. 

 

I have found helplines extremely helpful in the past, sometimes talking to a stranger who doesn't know you is easier. They  have no preconceptions and do not judge you, simply listen as you pour out your heart.

 

 If the feelings are overwhelming then call the emergency room, or accident and emergency department of your local hospital. 

 

We at SA care about you very much and want to see you get better, it is devastating for all of us when someone cannot take any more and wish we could do more but we are limited in what we can offer.

 

Please tell us how you are feeling, but  please understand how it is for us when someone says they are going to end their life and not come back. We do not want to lose you, we want you to get better. 

 

 

- This is an excellent page written by Martha Ainsworth, please take a few minutes to read it, I couldn't find the words that she has used beautifully, and I feel those words are meant for all of us here.  I couldn't copy and paste because of copyright but have permission to link to the piece.

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

 

- A list of helplines throughout the world

http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html  

 

- The Crisis Text Line (US only) http://www.crisistextline.org/how-it-works/ Text START to 741-741

 

- In the UK, Maytree is an organisation offering respite for people who are suicidal. It is not a hospital or medical facility so they would not be offering drugs. It is free of charge.  There are criteria to meet but I don't know what they are at present. 

http://www.maytree.org.uk/index.php

 

- A piece from the blog Beyond Meds 

http://beyondmeds.com/2012/09/10/suicide-prevention/

 

 

Please share experiences here and how you overcame this awful compulsion. It may give hope to others who are now going through the same nightmare. 

 

If anyone knows of help and support in their country, please add the details to this thread. 
 

From getselfhelp.co.uk:

Suicidal:  Crisis Management Plan

Suicidal:  Safety Plan

Suicidal:  Safety Plan Cards

Suicidal Thoughts:  Coping with

 

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
added crisis text line/CC added getselfhelp info

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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mammaP

UK Samaritans 08457 90 90 90  Republic of Ireland 116 123

 

Please add the number for your country in this thread. 


**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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cymbaltawithdrawal5600

In the USA:

 

"No matter what problems you are dealing with, we want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7."

 

Link


What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Petunia

Lifeline Australia

National
Contact by: - Phone check-mark.gif
Hotline: 13 11 14

Website: lifeline.org.au
24 Hour service: check-mark.gif

 

 

 

The Samaritans (Australia)

Website: thesamaritans.org.au

 

24/7 Crisis Line  13 52 47

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Suicide Hotlines Worldwide
 

Edited by Petunia
added link

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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ikam

UK Samaritans 08457 90 90 90  Republic of Ireland 116 123[/size]

 

Please add the number for your country in this thread. 

You can also email Samaritans: jo@samaritans.org


- 30 September 2020- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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Marta

Italy

Telefono Azzurro (for kids)

19696

 

Telefono Amico

199 284 284


Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can SURVIVE!06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10mg (for master degree last year deep stress and abdominal pain somatization) 02/2015 - 04/2015 tapering from 10mg to 0mg for 4/3 weeks FREE feeling totally "normal" then SUDDENLYnever-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, painc, fear, not able to cry, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat for ONE MONTH ZERO IMPROVEMENT30/05/2015 CAN'T bear anymore => reinstated 8mg 06/2015 same symptoms (my GP gave me also benzo for anxiety but I threw them away) 07/2015 same, few tiny improvemets 08/2015 general improving + trying a phosphate supplement (LOW dose) 09/2015 quite stable (supplement finished, no effect) 10/2015 start tapering 7mg 11/2015 6mg 12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg 2/2016 4mg 3/2016 3mg (hopefully) ->fail back to 4mg AGAIN....8/2016 3mg stable<p>

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JanCarol

Like Oskcajga (gosh I have the hardest time spelling your handle!), I have walked with suicide most of my days.

 

It's like the black dog, my little follower, hounding my footsteps.  It's not emotional, so much as overwhelm.  Too much.

 

The grace in this, is that it is yet another drain on my energy that I cannot sustain.  I don't have the energy to DO anything, is my saving grace.  I don't even have the energy to PLAN a thing.  At my worst, 2 years ago now, I had a plan, and that plan has stayed with me.

 

But the familiarity of that Black Friend, the constant companionship, the option, the door always open if I want it - has actually, over time, made it very easy to resist.  Maybe I am vain when I believe I will always resist - but I have more going for me than not.

 

If it is so hard to DO things, and get things done, while I am alive, it will be impossible if I am dead.  I may never get to the top of Mt. Everest, or see an iceburg, or go to Galapagos or China - but my chances go to nil if I die.

 

This is especially poignant to me as I just learned that my first "real" boyfriend - same age as me - died last week.  He won't be going anywhere now, either.

 

And as my father always said:  Growing old is the pits, but it's preferable to the alternative.


"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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JanCarol

I just followed a link from one of the links above, which may be helpful to Oskcajga and others who struggle from the deep emotional numbing / anhedonia in withdrawal.  It focuses on the links between PTSD and suicide - not only the Trauma that drives you to suicide, but the trauma of the suicidality, as well:

 

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ptsd.htm


"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Altostrata

Please note, folks -- Thinking of suicide is not unusual and, by itself, is not a mental disorder, nor is it "suicidality." Many people think of suicide as one of their options when confronting a difficult life problem.

 

Please do not add to your distress by considering yourself mentally damaged because you consider suicide, and therefore make yourself more desperate.
 
The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets successfully through many a bad night.
—Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil

 

Not everyone is happy all the time. Some people have gloomy dispositions. Having negative thoughts might be something you need to accept in yourself. With self-acceptance will come a greater peace.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Altostrata

What is the relationship of your thoughts of suicide to your fears about recovery?


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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LoveandLight

Hhmm..

 

The symptoms being so intense in a wave - that triggers suicidal thoughts. Also suicidal thoughts just there, anyway..no show without punch! But yes when I think to the future and how long it might carry on that really brings it on. There is something about this condition that makes it exceptionally hard to just be in the present.


2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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gemini

Alto, I really like your post on self-acceptance, as I'm practicing radical self-acceptance right now I have lost everything, including my home, in recovery from meds and living with my sister now in another state (ga) and dealing with my negative state of mind in the midst of physical pain and mental anguish. Suicide crosses my mind but it's a fleeting notion. However complete acceptance of my situation, if even on a moment by moment basis, is what is mostly inhabiting my thought life.


off cold turkey:zoloft, trileptal, stratteracurrently on:<p>latuda .05 milligrams latuda (to stabilize cns) from 20 mgs 4 months ago.

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gemini

I have accepted the bleakness of the present and the future. Bleakness as a fait accomoplis is what's getting me through. At least I have a comfy bed and a flat screen TV.


off cold turkey:zoloft, trileptal, stratteracurrently on:<p>latuda .05 milligrams latuda (to stabilize cns) from 20 mgs 4 months ago.

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Altostrata

Acceptance and being in the moment are important lessons to learn in order to deal with this condition, as recovery is so gradual and can take so long.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Altostrata

Emergency numbers in Spain (including suicide/crisis line):

http://spain.angloinfo.com/inside/emergency-numbers/


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Prestorb

In some ways I feel my struggle would "easier" if I didn't have other people that I am bringing down so much

I am reposting a response by Ten0275 that I felt was particularly well said, especially when we are feeling as if our loved ones might be better off without us around (which is never, ever, ever true but one of the many lies that we have a tendency to believe in the acute withdrawal state).

-------------------------------

 

i felt precisely that innumerable times. i don't know the ins-and-outs of your situation and really needn't because in general, family dynamics are tricky, or at least multi-tiered. they are pulse-driven tapestries that take days, months, and years on the loom to thread. from my experience, when it comes to withdrawal - or let me clarify that when it came to MY withdrawal - relationships - familial and otherwise - were distilled to... expectations. one sword, two blades; expectations others had of me and perhaps more importantly, expectations i had for myself.

 

who would it be easier on if we didn't have other people that we were bringing down so much? would it be easier on them? would it be easier on us? perhaps both? perhaps neither? the problem is, we can never know the answer to this unless we remove ourselves from our relationships and in my opinion - unless one were in a toxic or otherwise harmful relationship - that would not be a decision one would want to make under the assault of withdrawal. our decision-making capacities may not be particularly agile in withdrawal.

 

in my view, i failed colossally in most of my relationships during acute withdrawal. there is absolutely nothing i can do about that now. and in retrospect, i truly believe i did the best i could under the circumstances at that time. my every single day during acute withdrawal was a real-time nightmare. fairly early on in the scope of it, i had to give up the expectations - i had to remove them from my field of vision as thoroughly as possible. and i had to operate to the best of my ability and be happy with it. tough terrain for someone who has been a lifelong card-carrying member of People Pleasers Anonymous. the unloading of expectations was not some narcissistic or selfish pursuit - it was necessary to my survival. not to give up motivation. not to give up pushing towards the goal of healing. but to give up trying to achieve levels of expectation i had, to that point, sought to achieve.

 

what i am suggesting is to take your relationship situations, as they are personal to you, and measure them against the circumstances that now befall you as a result of psychiatric drug withdrawal. under your withdrawal circumstances, are you doing your best for those you love and care for and for those who love and care for you? notice i am not asking if you are doing as well as you did for them pre-withdrawal. but under the weight of withdrawal, are you doing your best? if your answer to that is yes, or even almost yes, then you need to accept that - despite any abhorrent feelings of inadequacy and frustration that may abound.

 

at the end of the day, i had to accept that withdrawal meant loss. and the level of loss varies for all of us. for some of us, it might be the loss of a job, spouse, friend etc. for others it might be the loss of a few days of sick leave and a level of fitness. still others might have to give up their morning espresso and dietary freedom - it runs the gamut. but i don't think i have encountered a single person in withdrawal who hasn't lost something, or someone - even if that means themselves. it seems to come with the territory. to accept loss, or the prospect of loss, is not capitulation to loss. it seems to me that it is simply familiarizing oneself with certain inevitabilities.

 

there is so much in withdrawal we don't have control over starcontrol2 (though maybe you have the stars in line for us  :) ?). the number of times some symptom in my mind or body forced me to say "i have absolutely no control over what is happening here" is bewildering in retrospect. i have never felt so out of control as i did during withdrawal. but what i always felt i had control over was doing my very best under the circumstances - even if the end-sum of that "very best" was complete and utter failure, of which i accrued plenty.

 

i hope this makes some sense and is useful somehow. withdrawal is not permanent, particularly as it pertains to levels of intensity. try as best as you can from making permanent decisions during this impermanent time. be gentle with yourself while resolving to push through with whatever fortitude you can muster.

 

success and failure are not always best measured by the final outcome, but rather by the effort expended and the motivation behind it in practice. know your own power and that in these days, a little can go a long way. for you, and for those you love.

 

hang in there,

 

dave


2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

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Altostrata

Added The Crisis Text Line (US only) http://www.crisistextline.org/how-it-works/ Text START to 741-741

 

to post #1.

 

To keep this thread easy to read for those in crisis, please post discussions in the Relationships, Finding Meaning, or other forums or in your Introductions topic. Thank you.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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NoMeaning25

Sadag

 

South African Depression & Anxiety Group

 

0800 567 567

 

www.sadag.org


Was on Citalopram 20mg since Feb 2008 - switched to Paxil 20mg in August 2010

Tapered way too fast in April 2012 by skipping days. Taper completed in 6 weeks

Tried prozac 20mg for 3 days - felt spaced out, not better.

Tried 30mg Cymbalta for 2 days. SEVERE ADVERSE REACTION

Antidepressant free since 14 August 2012

Birth control on and off during this time - Last taken 18 June 2017 - Morning after pill 

Started mainly using 0.5mg Xanax beginning 2016 for severe panic attacks and anxiety due to trauma

Xanax on and off never more than 0.5mg at a time, never taking it 3 days in a row - used sparingly 

 

6 Years antidepressant free - Still in severe withdrawal with over 60 symptoms

Severe setback started May 2018 with no let up to date. Developed many new symptoms like tremors, inner vibrations, insomnia, visual distortions and dr/dp are 100x worse, i have severe sensitivity to movement, My dizziness and vertigo got worse and it now feels like im constantly rocking on a boat, my anxiety is sky high, suicidal idiation is back, i feel extremely brain damaged 

 

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oskcajga

Can these hotline agents call the authorities and get people involuntarily committed to a psych ward (and forced to take medications)?

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wildwood

For Germany:

 

TelefonSeelsorge: 0800/1110111 or 0800/1110222


* 2008 * Starting Citalopram 10 mg

* 2009 - 2011 * Increased Citalopram to 40 mg

* 2011 - 2013 * Trying to wean off, big relapse due to other physical condition

* 2013 - 2014 * 30 mg Citalopam every day

* 2014 - 2015 * Trying to weaning off again, reached 10 mg, ignored my SAD problem, relapse in October

* November 2015 * On 20 mg, but decided to wean off again, now trying to combat anxiety with CBT and lifestyle changes. :)

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Altostrata

If you do not feel a person to whom you've turned for help in your real life truly understands what you're asking for, find someone else to talk to.

 

Please stay on topic, contributing suicide help resources, in this thread.

 

Off-topic posts will be hidden by the moderators.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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KarenB

NEW ZEALAND:

 

Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7)
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• Youth services: (06) 3555 906 (Palmerston North and Levin)
• Youthline: 0800 376 633
• Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
• Whatsup: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
• Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7)
• Samaritans: 0800 726 666 (available 24/7)


2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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SkyBlue

There are mobile apps as well.

 

SafetyNet is an iPhone app. I'm not finding the link for it now, but google SafetyNet, created by the New York State office of mental health.

 

It helps you formulate a safety plan, including warning signs, internal coping strategies, social supports, allows you to import emergency contacts; crisis lines numbers. Things that you may forget about or have trouble thinking about in crisis.

 

I like that the app's icon is simply an unobtrusive green cross, no text, so it's very discreet on your phone's home screen.


Current: 2019: 0.04 mg Paxil!! This is real. Soon, after taking Paxil my entire adult life, I will be free.

Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" almost completely off over a month, at doctor's advice in July 2015.

Self-care includes magnesium, reasonable exercise, mindfulness, this forum and nutrition/eating enough food.

Also on 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!! (which I now will have the knowledge to taper properly)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Longer version: On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression caused by (undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder.

Doctor kept increasing dose, up to 60 mg; it never really helped but said it really was the best "med" for me.

Rapid doctor-led "taper" July 2015, down to 5 mg, with Zoloft as a "cross-taper" = Essentially a cold turkey. 

Severe withdrawal but didn't know it; believed it was my "underlying condition," and kept tapering, 5mg to 4 to 3  to 2 to 1.  

Feb 2016: Found SA! As of June 2016, tapering from 1mg at rate of 5-10% per month, Brassmonkey Slide! 

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jevang

are there any talk line numbers for people who are NOT suicidal or in crisis but just in emotional distress?


brief overview of med history: took some combination of AD, AAP and benzodiazepine for 7-8 years since '08. was treated for depression, anxiety, social anxiety and presumed personality disorder, along with presumed psychotic depression/schizoaffective disorder (depending on the time frame)

October to December 2015: started weaning self off Abilify after being on multiple AAPs for 7-8 years. was also taking Prozac and a benzo (either ativan or klonopin, can't remember)
January 2016: started weaning self off of benzo, was given Valium to make the process easier. also replaced prozac with Lexapro
May 2016: decided to come off Lexapro after being on ADs for 8 years.

have now gone through 2 1/2 months of SSRI withdrawal, although some of the symptoms might be attributatble to antipsychotic and benzo withdrawal as well

update: reinstated Prozac at 10mg August 15, 2016

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SkyBlue

Jevang, Samaritans offer a chat/talk service. Google them and you will find their info. 


Current: 2019: 0.04 mg Paxil!! This is real. Soon, after taking Paxil my entire adult life, I will be free.

Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" almost completely off over a month, at doctor's advice in July 2015.

Self-care includes magnesium, reasonable exercise, mindfulness, this forum and nutrition/eating enough food.

Also on 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!! (which I now will have the knowledge to taper properly)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Longer version: On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression caused by (undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder.

Doctor kept increasing dose, up to 60 mg; it never really helped but said it really was the best "med" for me.

Rapid doctor-led "taper" July 2015, down to 5 mg, with Zoloft as a "cross-taper" = Essentially a cold turkey. 

Severe withdrawal but didn't know it; believed it was my "underlying condition," and kept tapering, 5mg to 4 to 3  to 2 to 1.  

Feb 2016: Found SA! As of June 2016, tapering from 1mg at rate of 5-10% per month, Brassmonkey Slide! 

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JanCarol

Just found this list from Wendy Lader's S.A.F.E. protocol website (Self Abuse Finally Ends):

 

If you are experiencing an emergency and need a crisis line:

24 Hour National Crisis Lines

800-USA-KIDS (872-5437)  Thursdays Child for Teens

800-273-TALK (8255) www.nmha.org

800-SUICIDE (784-2433) National Hopeline Network

800-334-HELP (4357)

800-448-3000  Teens, parents and anyone. (www.boystown.org)

800-799-SAFE (7233) Domestic Violence Hotline

866-4-U-Trevor - for GLBTQ youth (www.thetrevorproject.org)

800-656-HOPE (4679)  RAINN - Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network

800-799-4889 Deaf Hotline

 

From <http://www.selfinjury.com/referrals/therapists/


"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Dez

My uncle calls the Suicide Prevention Lifeline and just talks to them. They listen to him for hours if he needs to just talk. I think that these people want others to call no matter the crisis, just that the person calling is in need of someone to listen. After all, emotional distress to some people is a terrible crisis.

 

I've dealt with suicidal thoughts only recently due to problems with medications and the withdrawals afterward. It's very terrifying. I've made a promise to people that I would never do anything to get myself off this planet. I hate breaking promises and that keeps me going most times. Other times, I try to imagine those closest to me, their lives without me, and realize that they'd be emotionally crippled if I left. Your family loves you, your friends love you, the people on here love you, strangers love you, I love you. Someone somewhere loves you. Their world would be darker without you as their beam of light, even if it's just a single beam.

 

Think about those out there you have yet to meet, someone who needs you, whether it's simple advice or a lifelong friendship. We may be a drop in the sea, but we all make ripples, and those can turn into waves.


- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *

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SkyBlue

Dez, that is beautiful. Your words will very certainly impact people who are in the midst of medication/withdrawal-induced suicidal thoughts. <3


Current: 2019: 0.04 mg Paxil!! This is real. Soon, after taking Paxil my entire adult life, I will be free.

Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" almost completely off over a month, at doctor's advice in July 2015.

Self-care includes magnesium, reasonable exercise, mindfulness, this forum and nutrition/eating enough food.

Also on 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!! (which I now will have the knowledge to taper properly)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Longer version: On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression caused by (undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder.

Doctor kept increasing dose, up to 60 mg; it never really helped but said it really was the best "med" for me.

Rapid doctor-led "taper" July 2015, down to 5 mg, with Zoloft as a "cross-taper" = Essentially a cold turkey. 

Severe withdrawal but didn't know it; believed it was my "underlying condition," and kept tapering, 5mg to 4 to 3  to 2 to 1.  

Feb 2016: Found SA! As of June 2016, tapering from 1mg at rate of 5-10% per month, Brassmonkey Slide! 

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Tomash

Hello, if I am in a crisis, and have suicidal thoughts, its when a "psychosis" is running and I am loosing touch with the reality. It happend when I first tapered off, and it happend again due to some experiments with kundalini yoga. I hope it want happen again, but if it happens, i am very vulnerable. I forget my angryness and I am more humble. I am afraid that when I turn to a crisis telephone link they will tell me "start to take meds again" and will not understand anything. Is there any other option? Ideas?


2002 - MDMA induced psychosis, seroquel and st. worth. Abstinence from drugs. 2003 - psychosis relapse: olanzapin and citalec

2012 - 5mg of zyprexa and 150 Wellbutrin, starting with ayurveda helped
2015 - too fast and uniformed withdrawal; hospitalized and remedicated, first to 15mg Zyprexa; lowered to 10mg of Zyprexa when discharged. Abstinence from alcohol now on.

2016, sept – hospitalized again, forced treatment: 10 mg Zyprexa and 400mg amisulprid (Amilia).

2017 hospitalization (added abilify)

2018 so far last hospitalization

2019 heart palpitations, abrubt abilify withdrawal, stabilization on 5mg of olanzapin since then

 

Current medications and dosages:
5mg of olanzapin

 

Current supplements: Mentat (ayurvedic herbal blend for mental issues), St. worth (one cup a day), I drink mineral water

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KarenB

Can you start the conversation by stating clearly that you just want somebody to listen to you, and that you need them to steer clear of suggesting drugs.  You could also say that you are working with your doctor, and reinstating drugs is not an option at this time. 


2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Sk8N883

Thanks for this. When I'm in the worst of my withdrawals I feel extremely depressed and suicidal, though I've been down that road once before and promised myself and my family I would never reach that point again. No matter how much I'm suffering, things can get better. I just have to keep telling myself that.


2001 - 2009 hydrocodone recreationally

2009 - tried to stop had major anxiety and panic attacks, prescribed Xanax daily.. hell followed shorty after(within 2 months)

2009 - Hospitalized for 9 months and given various antidepressants and antipsychotics(Zyprexa, Seroquil, Celexa, Prozac (cant remember the rest)

2010 - finally stabilized on Cymbalta 60mg, Trazadone 50-100mg, Suboxone 16mg

Over time became more and more depressed and anxiety returning..

August 2016 - prescribed Klonopin as needed for anxiety(hell followed once again)

October 15 2016 - stopped Klonopin cold turkey(severe acute withdrawal for 2 weeks, zero sleep for 7 days ending in a week long hospital stay

November 1 - December 1, started on Gabapentin 900mg then raised to 1200mg during quick taper off 16mg Suboxone(3 weeks of acute withdrawals in rehab)

January 2017 - stopped Cymbalta 60mg with no taper(seemed to handle ok minus brain zaps for 2 weeks)(no choice.. lost insurance)

January - Late March - seemed to be doing ok, some depression and mild anxiety

currently still taking gabapentin 900mg down from 1200mg on March 29 (hell starting all over again.. so done with the roller coaster of psychiatrists and medications)

 

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Looking4peace

@Dez your words were very moving and helpful. Thoughts of my family and friends are what keeps me going.

Does SA have any phone contacts? The people here get it and understand the battle. Unfortunately lots of people still advise to get back on medication. It would be nice to be able to call someone who is also battling or has successfully beaten withdrawal


2001-Started Effexor XR (15 Years on Drug) April 1, 2016- 150 mg Effexor XR discontinued 

Started with 150 Mg-Dropped to 75 Mg after 3 weeks I then dropped to 37.5 Mg,4 weeks later I dropped off the medicine entirely.

Did not find out about weaning until too late. (This was the protocol from my general practitioner)

Symptoms of withdrawal are so severe I tried to reinstate Prozac, 9 months after discontinuing Effexor XR

February 15th, 2017-Started Prozac 10mg 

February 22, 2017 -upped to 20mg one week later (no relief)  Symptoms of Serotonin Syndrome - (OCD, Anxiety, Depression)

March 1st, 2017-Discontinued Prozac (Psychiatrist wanted to increase dose to 40 mg)

Currently on no medications / Currently dealing with Major Windows and Waves

Supplements: Magnesium, Cod Liver Oil, EM-1 probiotic, Restore teaspoon 3x daily,

Will begin to eliminate the following supplements 7/7/2017

vitamin D 10,000 mg, NAC 600 mg, Zinc 50 mg, Inositol 600mg x 4, B-12, Vitamin C 500 mg, GABA 500 mg, Ashwagandha

 

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JanCarol

Another list of helpful resources, some of which are already listed here:

 

http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp


"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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apathetic

Some more lists of suicide hotlines:

Suicide hotlines outside of the USA

 

USA suicide hotlines

 

I'm sharing because I want all of us to continue fighting, even if it sometimes seems like we can't take it anymore. 
Sometimes, when I feel hopeless, I read success stories on here, but in crisis I'm contacting my doctor, local hospital or some suicide hotline. 

I recommend you the same. 


My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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DrugfreeProf

Hi, everyone. I understand your pain and desperation. I know what it's like to just wait, wait, wait for mere normalcy. DON'T GIVE UP. This too will pass. The nature of life is CHANGE. Everything changes. This will, too. I promise. Keep the faith. Treasure your hope. Don't let anyone or anything take it away from you. We are on this planet for such a short time; it can end in a heartbeat. Don't we all want to make the most of the brief period we have on this planet?  And I feel and know, deep in my bones, that this isn't it. We take our state of consciousness with us to the other side. So all that matters is your state of consciousness--and THAT is something we can all  work on. Much love and support to you all.


Drugfree Prof

Psychologist and Psychotherapist

Prozac 20 mg for approx 3 months during 2000, withdrew, no w/d sx

Prozac 10 - 30 mg Jan. 2008 - Dec. 2014

Ritalin 30-40 mg Jan. 2008 - Mar. 2015

W/d sx from Prozac started around 3 months after cessation--crying spells, depressed mood, lethargy; resolved in 8 - 12 mos. post cessation

Used and continue to use a TON of alternative methods--meditation, mindfulness, nutrition. supplements, exercise, etc.

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JanCarol
On 11/04/2017 at 4:08 AM, Looking4peace said:

Does SA have any phone contacts?

 

 

This link is to support with others in withdrawal.  But it is not necessarily the survivors supporting those still in withdrawal.

 

While I hear you that it would be good for those (like myself) who have survived drugging and withdrawal to give back to the community by taking phone calls, it is just not practical.  

 

For my own well being, I don't always accept phone calls from friends.  A phone call is an interruption in my life and flow.  

How much harder would it be for me to staff a helpline for people in distress?  It is hard enough to deal with the fallout from these drugs on my own time, at my own pace - without it interrupting my schedules.  It is vital to my own healing to keep these boundaries clear, and I'm certain I'm not the only one.

As people get better, they tend to move away from SA.  I hear your wishful desire, and as more and more people survive these drugs - it is possible that someone will join together and provide such a service.

Until such time - I recommend listening to the excellent podcasts:  Let's Talk Withdrawal - James Moore

This podcast allows you to listen to survivors and withdrawal specialists - and it is such a comfort to hear how others have experienced withdrawal as well.


"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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