For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal

[JanCarol]

Moderator note:  After a few hours cleaning up this thread, I must reiterate:

Please only use this thread to post HELP for those who are desperate or suicidal.

 

Please keep personal comments about your own symptoms or emotional states in your own personal introduction thread.  Please keep personal conversations in your - or your friends - personal introduction threads.

 

Any personal comments here will be deleted or moved.  This time I was kind, and moved them.  Next time, the moderator may not be so generous.

[ChessieCat]

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This is a RESOURCES topic

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[SkyBlue]

 

For U.S. members: 

 

The Western Mass RLC, located in Massachusetts, has a wonderful peer support line. Toll Free: 888.407.4515

 

Hours are Fri-Mon, 8p.m. to midnight EST (but in June 2018 will expand to daily from 7pm-10pm, yay!).

 

It is staffed by peer support specialists who have "been there." I have called to discuss and get support for my withdrawal experiences. They know about and recommend SA too--they usually say, "Have you ever heard of the site, Surviving Antidepressants?" : ) 

 

From their Web site: As opposed to a crisis line that is answered by a clinician and focuses on whether or not you may qualify for hospitalization or respite, a peer support line is answered by a trained peer worker who has their own lived experience (with a psychiatric diagnosis, trauma, extreme or altered states, etc.) and who is there to talk and offer support.

 

I can personally highly recommend this resource.

 

[mammaP]

15 hours ago, Ashleyay said:

Any for india?

Hi Ashleyey, there are some for India.   Here is a link to the page where they can be found. 

 

http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/india-suicide-hotlines.html

[Rosetta]

Some thoughts:

 

I hope you can hold on and let this feeling pass.  You may believe it's a decision you have made based on what you feel is evidence.  However, there are emotions all intertwined within what you believe is "logical" thinking.   Tomorrow, you may make a different decision.  Always wait for tomorrow.  If you have no waiver in your decision for weeks, then that would be surprising.

 

What kept me alive was what my suicide would do to my daughter and my husband.  You should read accounts of what people feel when someone they love does that.  It's important that you know all the consequences because part of what your brain does is make you focus on all the reasons why you "should" do it and avoid all the reasons why you shouldn't.  You must question your brain at these times because it tends to betray you a bit.  You should make a list of all the reasons why you SHOULDN'T do it.  You owe yourself that much before you take any action, right?  

[savinggrace]

I agree, Rosetta. “Always wait until tomorrow.”  That thought has saved my life perhaps hundreds of times. I would add “reach out to a safe person” be it someone you know or as Brass monkey advocated, the suicide hotline. 

 

Thank you you for letting us know she is still here. There has been a surge of people taking their own lives this week it seems. However it feels like celebs get so much attention, when the reality is, suicide happens more than it should and a lot of that is still caused by the societal stigma of depression and mental health issues. I keep thinking it is getting better but when I continue to hear   that suicide “is a selfish act” it makes my blood boil. 

 

We are are here for each other. That is what defines SA. 

 

Grace

[Bridgetini]

Limerick Suicide Watch has just launched an app which gives links to crisis support services in the midwest of Ireland. It can be downloaded at http://www.limericksuicidewatch.ie

 

 

And here is an article from "Mad in America": Alternatives to Suicide: Strategies for Staying Alive, by Carlene Byron, https://www.madinamerica.com/2018/09/alternatives-suicide-staying-alive/

[ChessieCat]

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/CopingSuicidalThoughts.pdf

[Altostrata]

Samaritans NYC 24/7 212-673-3000

[manymoretodays]

A couple of additional resources(USA):

 

https://www.thehotline.org/help/

^ The National Domestic Violence hotline will take confidential calls 24/7 (by those affected or those concerned about those who may be affected)

It's staffed 24/7 for direct phone contact.

 

https://www.auntbertha.com/

by zipcode, and then will offer help finding help for the basics of food, shelter, and medical care.  This one just offers up listings of local services, and then phone #'s to them.

(not staffed for direct phone contact)

Edited May 13, 2019 by manymoretodays

[williamg]

Hello-  it is so good to be able to read this thread.  I am four months off of lexapro.  I am so despondent, suicidal feeling.  I know how tragic this would be to my kids, and that’s why I don’t do it.  I want to know that the neuroemotions are going to get better.  I’m not convinced all my symptoms are withdrawal from antidepressants.   I need to know that you can be in the most desperate and hopeless situation and that things can get better again,  if not, there is no use living through this,

[manymoretodays]

Hi williamg, @williamg

Yes, the neuroemotions do get so much better.  And it does help to know what is going on, as far as WD(withdrawal goes).

(((((williamg))))), those are hugs.

 

Would you start an introduction topic for yourself here:

Just go to the Introductions forum  and then push the Green, start new topic button.  That way we can all get to know you.

Edited April 9, 2020 by manymoretodays
added@for notification

[williamg]

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement.  They are desperately needed.

[manymoretodays]

  

On 11/26/2019 at 6:30 AM, Gridley said:

@Hell

 

Sadly, many of us have felt that we simply cannot carry on. Most of us here have been in that situation, some as a side effect of medication and others from withdrawal. It is a feeling that is all consuming and taunts us day and night. We are all deeply saddened to see a fellow member feeling so low and being powerless to help. We are not professionals and not equipped to offer the support and guidance that is needed, but are here to offer understanding and empathy.  

 

What you are feeling is real, it is devastating and it hurts, but it will get better.  In the meantime it is important that you talk to someone. Talking about your feelings will help you to deal with them. There are many agencies that have helplines dedicated to helping people who are suicidal and I am going to post links to some organisations that can offer the support that we can't.  

 

Talking helps us to put things into perspective and release some of the tension, especially when no-one seems to understand or believe what we are going through. If you are religious then maybe someone at your church will understand and listen without judgement. 

 

I have found helplines extremely helpful in the past, sometimes talking to a stranger who doesn't know you is easier. They  have no preconceptions and do not judge you, simply listen as you pour out your heart.

 

 If the feelings are overwhelming then call the emergency room, or accident and emergency department of your local hospital. 

 

We at SA care about you very much and want to see you get better, it is devastating for all of us when someone cannot take any more and wish we could do more but we are limited in what we can offer.

 

Just moving this back , from members topic.  Nicely said Gridley!  ❤️

[Gridley]

29 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Nicely said Gridley! 

Credit goes to MammaP.

[Katy398]

 @mammaP this symptom is by for my worst and all these  resources are literally life savers. Thank you 🙏 I wish well. 

[EternalEmbrace]

On 12/30/2016 at 11:22 PM, Dez said:

My uncle calls the Suicide Prevention Lifeline and just talks to them. They listen to him for hours if he needs to just talk. I think that these people want others to call no matter the crisis, just that the person calling is in need of someone to listen. After all, emotional distress to some people is a terrible crisis.

 

I've dealt with suicidal thoughts only recently due to problems with medications and the withdrawals afterward. It's very terrifying. I've made a promise to people that I would never do anything to get myself off this planet. I hate breaking promises and that keeps me going most times. Other times, I try to imagine those closest to me, their lives without me, and realize that they'd be emotionally crippled if I left. Your family loves you, your friends love you, the people on here love you, strangers love you, I love you. Someone somewhere loves you. Their world would be darker without you as their beam of light, even if it's just a single beam.

 

Think about those out there you have yet to meet, someone who needs you, whether it's simple advice or a lifelong friendship. We may be a drop in the sea, but we all make ripples, and those can turn into waves.

I know it's 4 years later, but thanks a lot for writing this.

[Bruci]

On 7/30/2015 at 8:56 PM, Altostrata said:

Please note, folks -- Thinking of suicide is not unusual and, by itself, is not a mental disorder, nor is it "suicidality." Many people think of suicide as one of their options when confronting a difficult life problem.

 

Please do not add to your distress by considering yourself mentally damaged because you consider suicide, and therefore make yourself more desperate.
 
The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets successfully through many a bad night.
—Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil

 

Not everyone is happy all the time. Some people have gloomy dispositions. Having negative thoughts might be something you need to accept in yourself. With self-acceptance will come a greater peace.

Bless you, ******.

[Bruci]

Just a comment to help those who are despondent.

 

After 16 months tapering on citalopram, I recently had a wave of suicidal thoughts and feelings I haven’t had for a long time. (I am staying steady on 7 mg until I stabilize.)

 

But rather than lasting for months as it did when I was on 40 mg, plus quetiapine, plus lithium, it lasted only a week. In other words, it was a w/d symptom and not a sign of depressive relapse. So….hang in there. I tell myself that every time I’m in a bad wave, especially if depression rears its ugly head. This too shall pass. 
 

Bruce

[brassmonkey]

In the United States they have instituted a new emergency phone service that includes help for people contemplating suicide. It is available all day, every day by dialing 988.

 

FOR HELP DIAL 988

[dantesjourney]

In Italy

Samaritans: 06 77208977

 

Telefono amico: 0223272327

WhatsApp 324 011 72 52

 

Edited August 9, 2022 by ChessieCat
unbolded

[Joey805]

On 12/23/2014 at 6:10 AM, mammaP said:

Please share experiences here and how you overcame this awful compulsion. It may give hope to others who are now going through the same nightmare. 

 

I hope this story helps anyone struggling with thoughts of hopelessness. I promise you; I've been there.

 

I used to be deeply suicidal. I take delight in being able to say this. I used to be deeply suicidal.

 

I was a very sickly child, having to be resuscitated at birth and undergoing major surgeries at age 7 and onward which hospitalized me for several weeks at a time. The trauma from those experiences, the isolation from my young peers, this all contributed to a deep depression at a young age and an exhaustion with life's challenges. I struggled greatly with suicide for most of my life, on a few occasions institutionalized for up to 6 weeks after a 5150 (involuntary psychiatric hold, police involvement).

 

Ironically, while I was in one of these facilities, I suffered a completely unrelated, extremely rare medical condition. Hypereosinophilic Syndrome. I had sepsis, I stopped breathing, my organs were shutting down. All right there in the lobby of the psych facility while morning meds were being administered. The ONLY reason I survived this ordeal was because I happened to be suicidal. I happened to be in a facility within walking distance of a very good hospital. I was not alone at home, a fair distance away, where I would have died in my living room. I was placed in a coma for 15 days; my family was told to prepare for the worst. Diagnosticians from UCLA were flown to my hospital to determine what was wrong, Doctor House style, and treated me. I woke up alive and well (albeit paralyzed from muscular atrophy, with tubes and IVs everywhere, and feeling a sense of horrific fear and confusion) on Thanksgiving Day.

 

I do not believe in fate, or God, or anything supernatural (I gave up my religious faith at a young age, but I sympathize and respect people of all faiths) but I do believe that we can and must derive meaning from our experiences. Although that experience was deeply traumatic and I struggle still with the trauma, that experience taught me that I don't want to die. Not truly. I just want to escape my pain. I don't want to be exhausted. In fact, I want to live quite badly. This is my one shot at life, and I've had some tremendous luck. I must capitalize on this beautiful opportunity I have. Being a human being on planet Earth in the 21st century, in a cosmic sense, is an unbelievable gift.

 

Through therapy, particularly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, I learned to develop an antagonistic relationship with my suicidal thoughts. Rather than the oppressor, this dominating force that defined my existence, suicide became my enemy. My choices began to reflect this combative attitude.

 

"I'm going to exercise more, since being healthy and more confident will make me less suicidal."

"I'm going to force myself to do something productive today, because the sense of achievement after having done the thing will give me something to live for today."

"I'm going to make plans with my friends, because reinforcing my support system and building bonds will be important during harder times, and these good memories will be a foundation for my will to live. My isolation is damaging."

 

Virtually every decision I make today is weighed by its effects on my suicidality. I am desperately trying to save my own life, and I am person who tends to succeed when I put my mind to something. I stopped abusing drugs, because while they help with the "feelings" of suicidality, they ultimately were creating a life that was drawing me closer to the *decision* of suicide. The cycle of addiction, financial stress, withdrawal, maintenance, side effects. I reduced my caffeine intake to one cup of half-caff in the mornings to reduce my anxiety and improve my sleep hygiene. I joined groups like this because a sense of community and relating with others is important when struggling with suicide. I forced myself to take on new hobbies and interests, to be kind to myself and explore the world. I treat myself the way I would treat my best friend, because I am my best friend. We all should be our own best friend.

 

To summarize, I've decided that suicide is the enemy, not the oppressor. My decisions are carefully calculated for maximum "will to live efficiency." Scrolling through social media for 20 minutes, for example, might be a mindless distraction, but I realize now that social media makes me feel slightly worse each time. Therefor I decide to reduce my exposure. It is a fight; it is a winnable fight. The solution, for me, was to start fighting for my life through my moment-to-moment decision making. I will not kill myself. There was a time when "I knew I would."

 

I hope that others struggling with this find a way to become the aggressor in their relationship with suicide, rather than the victim. Observe every decision you make, every thought you have, and try to determine if those choices and thoughts are taking you one way or the other. Adjust your habits and decision making, try to discard thought patterns that are harmful, be generous in your thoughts toward yourself and others. Let all of these small victories snowball into a momentous victory rush. Change is gradual, and the many small choices you make to protect yourself from this enemy are part of that gradual process.