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For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal


mammaP
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  • Moderator

Moderator note:  After a few hours cleaning up this thread, I must reiterate:

Please only use this thread to post HELP for those who are desperate or suicidal.

 

Please keep personal comments about your own symptoms or emotional states in your own personal introduction thread.  Please keep personal conversations in your - or your friends - personal introduction threads.

 

Any personal comments here will be deleted or moved.  This time I was kind, and moved them.  Next time, the moderator may not be so generous.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • Moderator Emeritus

__________________________________

This is a RESOURCES topic

__________________________________

 * * * * * *   PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO   * * * * * *

Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

 

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:    (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq      on 13th November 2021

Woohoo!!!  Finally off Pristiq    Post 0 updates start here

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions. 

Please DO NOT TAG me - thank you.

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  • 6 months later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

 

For U.S. members: 

 

The Western Mass RLC, located in Massachusetts, has a wonderful peer support lineToll Free: 888.407.4515

 

Hours are Fri-Mon, 8p.m. to midnight EST (but in June 2018 will expand to daily from 7pm-10pm, yay!).

 

It is staffed by peer support specialists who have "been there." I have called to discuss and get support for my withdrawal experiences. They know about and recommend SA too--they usually say, "Have you ever heard of the site, Surviving Antidepressants?" : ) 

 

From their Web site: As opposed to a crisis line that is answered by a clinician and focuses on whether or not you may qualify for hospitalization or respite, a peer support line is answered by a trained peer worker who has their own lived experience (with a psychiatric diagnosis, trauma, extreme or altered states, etc.) and who is there to talk and offer support.

 

I can personally highly recommend this resource.

 

Current: 2019: 0.04 mg Paxil!! This is real. Soon, after taking Paxil my entire adult life, I will be free.

Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" almost completely off over a month, at doctor's advice in July 2015.

Self-care includes magnesium, reasonable exercise, mindfulness, this forum and nutrition/eating enough food.

Also on 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!! (which I now will have the knowledge to taper properly)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Longer version: On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression caused by (undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder.

Doctor kept increasing dose, up to 60 mg; it never really helped but said it really was the best "med" for me.

Rapid doctor-led "taper" July 2015, down to 5 mg, with Zoloft as a "cross-taper" = Essentially a cold turkey. 

Severe withdrawal but didn't know it; believed it was my "underlying condition," and kept tapering, 5mg to 4 to 3  to 2 to 1.  

Feb 2016: Found SA! As of June 2016, tapering from 1mg at rate of 5-10% per month, Brassmonkey Slide! 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
15 hours ago, Ashleyay said:

Any for india?

Hi Ashleyey, there are some for India.   Here is a link to the page where they can be found. 

 

http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/india-suicide-hotlines.html

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Some thoughts:

 

I hope you can hold on and let this feeling pass.  You may believe it's a decision you have made based on what you feel is evidence.  However, there are emotions all intertwined within what you believe is "logical" thinking.   Tomorrow, you may make a different decision.  Always wait for tomorrow.  If you have no waiver in your decision for weeks, then that would be surprising.

 

What kept me alive was what my suicide would do to my daughter and my husband.  You should read accounts of what people feel when someone they love does that.  It's important that you know all the consequences because part of what your brain does is make you focus on all the reasons why you "should" do it and avoid all the reasons why you shouldn't.  You must question your brain at these times because it tends to betray you a bit.  You should make a list of all the reasons why you SHOULDN'T do it.  You owe yourself that much before you take any action, right?  

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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I agree, Rosetta. “Always wait until tomorrow.”  That thought has saved my life perhaps hundreds of times. I would add “reach out to a safe person” be it someone you know or as Brass monkey advocated, the suicide hotline. 

 

Thank you you for letting us know she is still here. There has been a surge of people taking their own lives this week it seems. However it feels like celebs get so much attention, when the reality is, suicide happens more than it should and a lot of that is still caused by the societal stigma of depression and mental health issues. I keep thinking it is getting better but when I continue to hear   that suicide “is a selfish act” it makes my blood boil. 

 

We are are here for each other. That is what defines SA. 

 

Grace

amitriptyline from 1980-2002, along wi/ intermittent, infrequent use of benzos over 2 decades

2002-2010 Klonopin 1-2 mg., ambien 10--20, mg, remeron 4 mg. and  trileptal 300 mg

2011 Stopped ambien and crossed over to valium 17.5 mg. (updosing 2.5 mg. to cover ambien C/T ) tapered valium w/ long holds to 12.74 mg.

2015-present  tapered from 300 mg. trileptal to 103 mg.;  12.74 valium,  4 mg. remeron

 

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  • 3 months later...

Limerick Suicide Watch has just launched an app which gives links to crisis support services in the midwest of Ireland. It can be downloaded at http://www.limericksuicidewatch.ie

 

 

And here is an article from "Mad in America": Alternatives to Suicide: Strategies for Staying Alive, by Carlene Byron, https://www.madinamerica.com/2018/09/alternatives-suicide-staying-alive/

January 2021: Cut Venlafaxine XR by 9% to 125mg; holding Lorazepam at 1.25 mg.

October 2020: Reduced Venlafaxine XR to 137.5 mg while keeping Lorazepam at 1.25 mg.

August 2020:  Made a 16% reduction in Lorazepam at psychiatrist's recommendation (1.25 mg) while holding Venlafaxine at 150 mg.

March 2019 - March 2020: Venlafaxine  XR tapered from  337.5 mg  to 150 mg (60% reduction), while continuing 1.5 mg Lorazepam.

March 2016 - January 2019: Mirtazapine taptered to 0, while continuing on 1.5 mg Lorazepam and 375 mg Venlafaxine XR.

Feb. 2015: 7.5 mg Mirtazapine + 1.5 mg Lorazepam + 375 mg Venlafaxine.

 

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  • 3 months later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

 * * * * * *   PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO   * * * * * *

Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

 

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:    (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq      on 13th November 2021

Woohoo!!!  Finally off Pristiq    Post 0 updates start here

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions. 

Please DO NOT TAG me - thank you.

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  • 3 months later...
  • Administrator

Samaritans NYC 24/7 212-673-3000

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Moderator

A couple of additional resources(USA):

 

https://www.thehotline.org/help/

^ The National Domestic Violence hotline will take confidential calls 24/7 (by those affected or those concerned about those who may be affected)

It's staffed 24/7 for direct phone contact.

 

https://www.auntbertha.com/

by zipcode, and then will offer help finding help for the basics of food, shelter, and medical care.  This one just offers up listings of local services, and then phone #'s to them.

(not staffed for direct phone contact)

Edited by manymoretodays

2022 May- continuing with limited activity on site, just something I need to do right now

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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  • 10 months later...

Hello-  it is so good to be able to read this thread.  I am four months off of lexapro.  I am so despondent, suicidal feeling.  I know how tragic this would be to my kids, and that’s why I don’t do it.  I want to know that the neuroemotions are going to get better.  I’m not convinced all my symptoms are withdrawal from antidepressants.   I need to know that you can be in the most desperate and hopeless situation and that things can get better again,  if not, there is no use living through this,

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  • Moderator

Hi williamg, @williamg

Yes, the neuroemotions do get so much better.  And it does help to know what is going on, as far as WD(withdrawal goes).

(((((williamg))))), those are hugs.

 

Would you start an introduction topic for yourself here:

Just go to the Introductions forum  and then push the Green, start new topic button.  That way we can all get to know you.

Edited by manymoretodays
added@for notification

2022 May- continuing with limited activity on site, just something I need to do right now

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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On 11/26/2019 at 6:30 AM, Gridley said:

@Hell

 

Sadly, many of us have felt that we simply cannot carry on. Most of us here have been in that situation, some as a side effect of medication and others from withdrawal. It is a feeling that is all consuming and taunts us day and night. We are all deeply saddened to see a fellow member feeling so low and being powerless to help. We are not professionals and not equipped to offer the support and guidance that is needed, but are here to offer understanding and empathy.  

 

What you are feeling is real, it is devastating and it hurts, but it will get better.  In the meantime it is important that you talk to someone. Talking about your feelings will help you to deal with them. There are many agencies that have helplines dedicated to helping people who are suicidal and I am going to post links to some organisations that can offer the support that we can't.  

 

Talking helps us to put things into perspective and release some of the tension, especially when no-one seems to understand or believe what we are going through. If you are religious then maybe someone at your church will understand and listen without judgement. 

 

I have found helplines extremely helpful in the past, sometimes talking to a stranger who doesn't know you is easier. They  have no preconceptions and do not judge you, simply listen as you pour out your heart.

 

 If the feelings are overwhelming then call the emergency room, or accident and emergency department of your local hospital. 

 

We at SA care about you very much and want to see you get better, it is devastating for all of us when someone cannot take any more and wish we could do more but we are limited in what we can offer.

 

Just moving this back , from members topic.  Nicely said Gridley!  ❤️

2022 May- continuing with limited activity on site, just something I need to do right now

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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29 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Nicely said Gridley! 

Credit goes to MammaP.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper.  Current Valium dose as of Feb 22, 2022: 4.8mg 

March 22, 2022: hold at 4.8 and shift to Imipramine taper

Taper is 74% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan-Sept 2016 tapered to 16mg.  

Held until Aug 2021, tapered for 4 weeks to 14.4mg

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper.  Current dose as of May 17: 10.5mg 

Taper is 86% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • 1 month later...

 @mammaP this symptom is by for my worst and all these  resources are literally life savers. Thank you 🙏 I wish well. 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • 5 months later...
On 12/30/2016 at 11:22 PM, Dez said:

My uncle calls the Suicide Prevention Lifeline and just talks to them. They listen to him for hours if he needs to just talk. I think that these people want others to call no matter the crisis, just that the person calling is in need of someone to listen. After all, emotional distress to some people is a terrible crisis.

 

I've dealt with suicidal thoughts only recently due to problems with medications and the withdrawals afterward. It's very terrifying. I've made a promise to people that I would never do anything to get myself off this planet. I hate breaking promises and that keeps me going most times. Other times, I try to imagine those closest to me, their lives without me, and realize that they'd be emotionally crippled if I left. Your family loves you, your friends love you, the people on here love you, strangers love you, I love you. Someone somewhere loves you. Their world would be darker without you as their beam of light, even if it's just a single beam.

 

Think about those out there you have yet to meet, someone who needs you, whether it's simple advice or a lifelong friendship. We may be a drop in the sea, but we all make ripples, and those can turn into waves.

I know it's 4 years later, but thanks a lot for writing this.

Current:

Sodhium Divalproate (1g from December 2020)
Flunitrazepam (2mg from January 2021)

Detoxing from methadone until May of this year (2021) started from 60mg and now am at 40mg
(soon to begin again) Ketamine treatment for suicidal ideation

 

Past Psychiatric drugs:

Topiramate zero (May 2019)100mg (April 2019), 150mg (01 April 2019), 200mg (Sep 2018), 300mg (Aug 30 2018), 400mg (May 2018), 500mg (prior [reaching 600mg at some point])

Lamotrigine zero (May2019), 100mg (April2019) 400mg (prior [reaching 500-600mg at some point])
Ziprasidone - zero (November 2018), 80mg (Aug 2018), 160mg (prior)
Aripiprazole - zero (March 2019), 5mg (Jan 28 2019), 10mg (prior)

Clozapine - zero (300mg until changing to Ziprasidone May 2018)
And others

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  • 7 months later...
On 7/30/2015 at 8:56 PM, Altostrata said:

Please note, folks -- Thinking of suicide is not unusual and, by itself, is not a mental disorder, nor is it "suicidality." Many people think of suicide as one of their options when confronting a difficult life problem.

 

Please do not add to your distress by considering yourself mentally damaged because you consider suicide, and therefore make yourself more desperate.
 
The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets successfully through many a bad night.
—Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil

 

Not everyone is happy all the time. Some people have gloomy dispositions. Having negative thoughts might be something you need to accept in yourself. With self-acceptance will come a greater peace.

Bless you, ******.

1980s: First diagnosed with depression. Treated with a tricyclic. 1988: Switched to Prozac 20 mg.  1990s to 2010: On and off Prozac. Increased dose led to side effects. 2011: Put on Zyprexa. 2011: Work burnout and breakdown. Hospitalized for suicidal depression. Switched to Seroquel. Switched to Celexa 40 mg and lithium 300 mg. 2019: Stopped Seroquel. 

2020 July: Decreased Celexa to 30 mg in attempt to alleviate sexual dysfunction. Worked somewhat.

2020 August: Decreased Celexa to 20 mg. Sexual function improved but w/d effects started. 

2020 September: Maintaining Celexa at 20 mg. Experiencing w/d effects - fatigue, dysphoria, mood instability

2020 September 13: Increased Celexa to 30 mg due to w/d effects. Still on lithium 300 mg/day.

2020 October 3: Reduced Celexa to 27 mg. Started taper. 10% per month as recommended.

2020 October 18: Reduced to 24 mg.

2020 December 4: Reduced to 21 mg.

2020 December 23: Reduced to 20 mg (spacing out taper intervals due to persistent w/d effects)

2021 September 23: Several reductions over the past 9 months to 7.0 mg. Stressful life circumstances led me to feeling very depressed with suicidal feelings, so upped to the dose to 10 mg until I feel better. 

 

 

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Just a comment to help those who are despondent.

 

After 16 months tapering on citalopram, I recently had a wave of suicidal thoughts and feelings I haven’t had for a long time. (I am staying steady on 7 mg until I stabilize.)

 

But rather than lasting for months as it did when I was on 40 mg, plus quetiapine, plus lithium, it lasted only a week. In other words, it was a w/d symptom and not a sign of depressive relapse. So….hang in there. I tell myself that every time I’m in a bad wave, especially if depression rears its ugly head. This too shall pass. 
 

Bruce

1980s: First diagnosed with depression. Treated with a tricyclic. 1988: Switched to Prozac 20 mg.  1990s to 2010: On and off Prozac. Increased dose led to side effects. 2011: Put on Zyprexa. 2011: Work burnout and breakdown. Hospitalized for suicidal depression. Switched to Seroquel. Switched to Celexa 40 mg and lithium 300 mg. 2019: Stopped Seroquel. 

2020 July: Decreased Celexa to 30 mg in attempt to alleviate sexual dysfunction. Worked somewhat.

2020 August: Decreased Celexa to 20 mg. Sexual function improved but w/d effects started. 

2020 September: Maintaining Celexa at 20 mg. Experiencing w/d effects - fatigue, dysphoria, mood instability

2020 September 13: Increased Celexa to 30 mg due to w/d effects. Still on lithium 300 mg/day.

2020 October 3: Reduced Celexa to 27 mg. Started taper. 10% per month as recommended.

2020 October 18: Reduced to 24 mg.

2020 December 4: Reduced to 21 mg.

2020 December 23: Reduced to 20 mg (spacing out taper intervals due to persistent w/d effects)

2021 September 23: Several reductions over the past 9 months to 7.0 mg. Stressful life circumstances led me to feeling very depressed with suicidal feelings, so upped to the dose to 10 mg until I feel better. 

 

 

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