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For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal


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  • Moderator

Moderator note:  After a few hours cleaning up this thread, I must reiterate:

Please only use this thread to post HELP for those who are desperate or suicidal.

 

Please keep personal comments about your own symptoms or emotional states in your own personal introduction thread.  Please keep personal conversations in your - or your friends - personal introduction threads.

 

Any personal comments here will be deleted or moved.  This time I was kind, and moved them.  Next time, the moderator may not be so generous.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • Moderator

__________________________________

This is a RESOURCES topic

__________________________________

NEW!!!              INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

 

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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  • 6 months later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

 

For U.S. members: 

 

The Western Mass RLC, located in Massachusetts, has a wonderful peer support lineToll Free: 888.407.4515

 

Hours are Fri-Mon, 8p.m. to midnight EST (but in June 2018 will expand to daily from 7pm-10pm, yay!).

 

It is staffed by peer support specialists who have "been there." I have called to discuss and get support for my withdrawal experiences. They know about and recommend SA too--they usually say, "Have you ever heard of the site, Surviving Antidepressants?" : ) 

 

From their Web site: As opposed to a crisis line that is answered by a clinician and focuses on whether or not you may qualify for hospitalization or respite, a peer support line is answered by a trained peer worker who has their own lived experience (with a psychiatric diagnosis, trauma, extreme or altered states, etc.) and who is there to talk and offer support.

 

I can personally highly recommend this resource.

 

Current: 2019: 0.04 mg Paxil!! This is real. Soon, after taking Paxil my entire adult life, I will be free.

Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" almost completely off over a month, at doctor's advice in July 2015.

Self-care includes magnesium, reasonable exercise, mindfulness, this forum and nutrition/eating enough food.

Also on 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!! (which I now will have the knowledge to taper properly)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Longer version: On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression caused by (undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder.

Doctor kept increasing dose, up to 60 mg; it never really helped but said it really was the best "med" for me.

Rapid doctor-led "taper" July 2015, down to 5 mg, with Zoloft as a "cross-taper" = Essentially a cold turkey. 

Severe withdrawal but didn't know it; believed it was my "underlying condition," and kept tapering, 5mg to 4 to 3  to 2 to 1.  

Feb 2016: Found SA! As of June 2016, tapering from 1mg at rate of 5-10% per month, Brassmonkey Slide! 

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15 hours ago, Ashleyay said:

Any for india?

Hi Ashleyey, there are some for India.   Here is a link to the page where they can be found. 

 

http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/india-suicide-hotlines.html

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Some thoughts:

 

I hope you can hold on and let this feeling pass.  You may believe it's a decision you have made based on what you feel is evidence.  However, there are emotions all intertwined within what you believe is "logical" thinking.   Tomorrow, you may make a different decision.  Always wait for tomorrow.  If you have no waiver in your decision for weeks, then that would be surprising.

 

What kept me alive was what my suicide would do to my daughter and my husband.  You should read accounts of what people feel when someone they love does that.  It's important that you know all the consequences because part of what your brain does is make you focus on all the reasons why you "should" do it and avoid all the reasons why you shouldn't.  You must question your brain at these times because it tends to betray you a bit.  You should make a list of all the reasons why you SHOULDN'T do it.  You owe yourself that much before you take any action, right?  

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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savinggrace

I agree, Rosetta. “Always wait until tomorrow.”  That thought has saved my life perhaps hundreds of times. I would add “reach out to a safe person” be it someone you know or as Brass monkey advocated, the suicide hotline. 

 

Thank you you for letting us know she is still here. There has been a surge of people taking their own lives this week it seems. However it feels like celebs get so much attention, when the reality is, suicide happens more than it should and a lot of that is still caused by the societal stigma of depression and mental health issues. I keep thinking it is getting better but when I continue to hear   that suicide “is a selfish act” it makes my blood boil. 

 

We are are here for each other. That is what defines SA. 

 

Grace

amitriptyline from 1980-2002, along wi/ intermittent, infrequent use of benzos over 2 decades

2002-2010 Klonopin 1-2 mg., ambien 10--20, mg, remeron 4 mg. and  trileptal 300 mg

2011 Stopped ambien and crossed over to valium 17.5 mg. (updosing 2.5 mg. to cover ambien C/T )

2016 Tapered 75 mg. trileptal  first year. 6 month hold.  Resumed micro-tapering trileptal 2-10% every few months

January 2020  12.74 valium, 4 mg. remeron.  128 mg. trileptal 11/28/20;

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  • 3 months later...

Limerick Suicide Watch has just launched an app which gives links to crisis support services in the midwest of Ireland. It can be downloaded at http://www.limericksuicidewatch.ie

 

 

And here is an article from "Mad in America": Alternatives to Suicide: Strategies for Staying Alive, by Carlene Byron, https://www.madinamerica.com/2018/09/alternatives-suicide-staying-alive/

1st August 2020:  Start tapering Lorazepam (1.25 mg, 16% reduction) while holding Venlafaxine at 150 mg.

March 2019 - March 2020: Venlafaxine  XR tapered from  337.5 mg  to 150 mg (60% reduction), while continuing 1.5 mg Lorazepam.

March 2016 - January 2019: Mirtazapine taptered to 0, while continuing on 1.5 mg Lorazepam and 375 mg Venlafaxine XR.

Feb. 2015: 7.5 mg Mirtazapine + 1.5 mg Lorazepam + 375 mg Venlafaxine.

 

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  • 3 months later...
  • Moderator

NEW!!!              INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

 

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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  • 3 months later...
  • Administrator

Samaritans NYC 24/7 212-673-3000

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Moderator
manymoretodays

A couple of additional resources(USA):

 

https://www.thehotline.org/help/

^ The National Domestic Violence hotline will take confidential calls 24/7 (by those affected or those concerned about those who may be affected)

It's staffed 24/7 for direct phone contact.

 

https://www.auntbertha.com/

by zipcode, and then will offer help finding help for the basics of food, shelter, and medical care.  This one just offers up listings of local services, and then phone #'s to them.

(not staffed for direct phone contact)

Edited by manymoretodays

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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  • 10 months later...

Sometimes, very often, im hoping to die from the dysautonomia the drug gave me. So i Hope the Heart stops beating or the Blood tests Will be not ok etc because i cant cope a Life like this. I would never commit suicide though

2nd of january 2020: started 6 mg Amytriptiline. Stopped CT on the 12th of January

28-29 feb: received 1000 mg valproic acid in hospital

4th March-present: started Prozac 10 mg, 20 mg After 2weeks and now 30 mg and Clonazepam 15 drops sometimes (only took 4 times so far).

End of March started tapering Prozac and Clonazepam and now i am meds free since mid April 2020. 

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williamg

Hello-  it is so good to be able to read this thread.  I am four months off of lexapro.  I am so despondent, suicidal feeling.  I know how tragic this would be to my kids, and that’s why I don’t do it.  I want to know that the neuroemotions are going to get better.  I’m not convinced all my symptoms are withdrawal from antidepressants.   I need to know that you can be in the most desperate and hopeless situation and that things can get better again,  if not, there is no use living through this,

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manymoretodays
Posted (edited)

Hi williamg, @williamg

Yes, the neuroemotions do get so much better.  And it does help to know what is going on, as far as WD(withdrawal goes).

(((((williamg))))), those are hugs.

 

Would you start an introduction topic for yourself here:

Just go to the Introductions forum  and then push the Green, start new topic button.  That way we can all get to know you.

Edited by manymoretodays
added@for notification

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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williamg

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement.  They are desperately needed.

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manymoretodays

  

On 11/26/2019 at 6:30 AM, Gridley said:

@Hell

 

Sadly, many of us have felt that we simply cannot carry on. Most of us here have been in that situation, some as a side effect of medication and others from withdrawal. It is a feeling that is all consuming and taunts us day and night. We are all deeply saddened to see a fellow member feeling so low and being powerless to help. We are not professionals and not equipped to offer the support and guidance that is needed, but are here to offer understanding and empathy.  

 

What you are feeling is real, it is devastating and it hurts, but it will get better.  In the meantime it is important that you talk to someone. Talking about your feelings will help you to deal with them. There are many agencies that have helplines dedicated to helping people who are suicidal and I am going to post links to some organisations that can offer the support that we can't.  

 

Talking helps us to put things into perspective and release some of the tension, especially when no-one seems to understand or believe what we are going through. If you are religious then maybe someone at your church will understand and listen without judgement. 

 

I have found helplines extremely helpful in the past, sometimes talking to a stranger who doesn't know you is easier. They  have no preconceptions and do not judge you, simply listen as you pour out your heart.

 

 If the feelings are overwhelming then call the emergency room, or accident and emergency department of your local hospital. 

 

We at SA care about you very much and want to see you get better, it is devastating for all of us when someone cannot take any more and wish we could do more but we are limited in what we can offer.

 

Just moving this back , from members topic.  Nicely said Gridley!  ❤️

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Gridley
29 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Nicely said Gridley! 

Credit goes to MammaP.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Lorazepam 1 mg 1986-1991 CT, soon reinstated.  CT 2000. RI 1 mg 2011-2016.  Sept. 2016  0.625mg X 3

Nov.27, 2020 Begin 6-week Ativan-Valium crossover.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan. 2016 began every 3-weeks 10% taper, down to 15mg.  Aug 2016, discovered SA, updosed to 25mg and holding.  Taper is 66% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega, vitamins E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • 1 month later...
Katy398

 @mammaP this symptom is by for my worst and all these  resources are literally life savers. Thank you 🙏 I wish well. 

 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

 

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