success ☼ Coldturkmama: Paxil 14 years, cold turkey, protracted withdrawal

[brassmonkey]

That is so good to hear CTM.  It's been such a long rough trip, I'm so glad that things are settling out and you're able to start enjoying life again.

 

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))

 

Brassmonkey

[wantrelief]

Wonderful news, CTM! I am so happy for you! 😀

[direstraits]

so happy for you,Ctm

I'm right behind you and this gives me hope,you're an inspiration!

xxx

[coldturkmama]

Unfortunately I still deal with anxiety, but definitely not like before. I can see so much improvement tho- I have lots of hope for the future. 

[waves12]

Hello Coldturkmama

 

I wanted to ask you about the anxiety your have suffered and still appear to suffer.

 

I have chronic anxiety now the last 6 to 8 months and it feels more like a mental breakdown as its so severe. I listen to and read Claire Weekes to help it but dont seem to be able to fully master what she says to do to stop the fight/flight constant trigger.  Its very hard going and feel concerned that this will go on for years.

 

Would you share your experience of anxiety with me please?

 

Hope you feeling well today.

[thecowisback]

i'm so glad you're doing much better coldturkmama. reading about withdrawals lasting 5 years or more really upsets me though. i'm not even at the 2 year mark yet and have made very little progress. i really don't know if i can keep going like this for years and years. i hate myself for taking the stupid meds in the first place and now i'm going to be paying for that mistake for years to come 😣😣😣

[thecowisback]

sorry for hijacking your thread 😦

[coldturkmama]

1 hour ago, waves12 said:

Hello Coldturkmama

 

I wanted to ask you about the anxiety your have suffered and still appear to suffer.

 

I have chronic anxiety now the last 6 to 8 months and it feels more like a mental breakdown as its so severe. I listen to and read Claire Weekes to help it but dont seem to be able to fully master what she says to do to stop the fight/flight constant trigger.  Its very hard going and feel concerned that this will go on for years.

 

Would you share your experience of anxiety with me please?

 

Hope you feeling well today.

 

 

I’m not sure what exactly to share, or what you would like to know?

ask anything really.

all I know is that Paxil took my anxiety and made it a whole new beast. 

I do not believe you are having a mental breakdown at all, anxiety is not a mental disorder, it is simply nervous suffering. Your nerves are revved up badly due to sensitization. 

Personally mine comes in windows and waves, so at times is is SOOO much worse. It truly sucks!! 

[coldturkmama]

1 hour ago, thecowisback said:

i'm so glad you're doing much better coldturkmama. reading about withdrawals lasting 5 years or more really upsets me though. i'm not even at the 2 year mark yet and have made very little progress. i really don't know if i can keep going like this for years and years. i hate myself for taking the stupid meds in the first place and now i'm going to be paying for that mistake for years to come 😣😣😣

 

Same! I wish I’d never taken it.

[waves12]

Thank you for the reply.

 

It is just reassurance that I am not losing the plot, it just feels like it.

 

It helps to know that you do get it in windows and waves which is how I was experiencing it then it just ramped up to unbearable for the last month or so but I have been under alot of unavoidable stress which I hadnt really connected it to but now believe it is.

 

I find it very hard to deal with and its a constant annoyance having to work out where I can go and where I cant, but also know its a good idea to try as normally as possible.

 

Does it prevent you from living on a daily basis?  How do you manage the symptoms?

 

Thank you for any help.

[coldturkmama]

4 hours ago, waves12 said:

Thank you for the reply.

 

It is just reassurance that I am not losing the plot, it just feels like it.

 

It helps to know that you do get it in windows and waves which is how I was experiencing it then it just ramped up to unbearable for the last month or so but I have been under alot of unavoidable stress which I hadnt really connected it to but now believe it is.

 

I find it very hard to deal with and its a constant annoyance having to work out where I can go and where I cant, but also know its a good idea to try as normally as possible.

 

Does it prevent you from living on a daily basis?  How do you manage the symptoms?

 

Thank you for any help.

 

Its horrible stuff. 

Honestly, I have good days and bad, good weeks and bad. It is very up and down. 

It does prevent me from living the life I want to live.

i have boundaries of where I’ll go, that sort of thing. It sucks but at times it is much better and I am more free, if you know what I mean? 

[thecowisback]

i also have that fear that i am 'losing it'. my mind is rarely quiet, and if it is then it will scrabble and search until it finds a scary thought that it can lock on to. that thought will then consume me for days or weeks until i can find an answer to it, which often i can't. if i do find an answer i feel HUGE relief and tell myself that will be the LAST time i will get panicked about something that other people find unimportant, but then hours later my mind finds another thought to torture me with. 

is this how everyone elses anxiety manifests itself?

[coldturkmama]

I haven’t been here in a while, so I thought I’d pop in to update. 

I think the last time I updated was a year ago?

id like to say I’m better, but I’m not complaining there yet.

i have had some weird sensations at times in my head (almost felt like my brain was itchy!) it was so weird and really freaked me out.

 

I started really practicing acceptance and the Claire Weekes method and I have felt a lot better. I’ve had some really good windows.

its 5.5 years off & im hoping for more healing as time goes on. 

Hope everyone is doing well!!

[thecowisback]

good to see you back! 😊 great to hear you are having some good windows!!

[Leo1983]

How long were you on paxil

[coldturkmama]

34 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

How long were you on paxil

 

14 to 15 years and I did a cold turkey from 40mgs, unfortunately.

[Leo1983]

My days. 

 

Very well done for keeping going. 

 

Good luck. 

[coldturkmama]

Thank you  

[Tom37]

Good to hear your still improving and I admire your courage for enduring this for so long.

 

Hopefully your getting some nice symptom free windows now.

 

Thanks for coming back to update.

[Rosetta]

On November 5, 2018 at 12:27 AM, thecowisback said:

i also have that fear that i am 'losing it'. my mind is rarely quiet, and if it is then it will scrabble and search until it finds a scary thought that it can lock on to. that thought will then consume me for days or weeks until i can find an answer to it, which often i can't. if i do find an answer i feel HUGE relief and tell myself that will be the LAST time i will get panicked about something that other people find unimportant, but then hours later my mind finds another thought to torture me with. 

is this how everyone elses anxiety manifests itself?

 

The @thecowisback -- exactly what has happened to me -- exactly.  It fades just like all the other symptoms, comes back with a vengeance in a bad wave and so on.  Yet another way that "getting help" by going on medication has done nothing but make my "mental health" far, far worse and proof that not " treating" my depression with drug would have been infinitely less harmful to my health and my life.  

 

@coldturkmama. I hope you are doing well.  October 2019 will be 6 years for you.  It seems you are living life again even though it is limited and with some bizarre hiccups here and there.  I know you will be 100% healed one day.  Thanks for sharing your journey here.  I've been reading your thread since I arrived.  It's very nice to see your progress. - Rosetta

[thecowisback]

reading that is weird. here i am 6 months after writing that and nothing has changed. i still have those incessant thoughts. 

[coldturkmama]

2 hours ago, Rosetta said:

 

The @thecowisback -- exactly what has happened to me -- exactly.  It fades just like all the other symptoms, comes back with a vengeance in a bad wave and so on.  Yet another way that "getting help" by going on medication has done nothing but make my "mental health" far, far worse and proof that not " treating" my depression with drug would have been infinitely less harmful to my health and my life.  

 

@coldturkmama. I hope you are doing well.  October 2019 will be 6 years for you.  It seems you are living life again even though it is limited and with some bizarre hiccups here and there.  I know you will be 100% healed one day.  Thanks for sharing your journey here.  I've been reading your thread since I arrived.  It's very nice to see your progress. - Rosetta

 

Thank you for the encouragement!

i had a very obvious wonderful window a while back and then slammed with a wave. 

Things are always two steps forward and three back with this stuff. I am hoping everything continues to improve.

[coldturkmama]

30 minutes ago, thecowisback said:

reading that is weird. here i am 6 months after writing that and nothing has changed. i still have those incessant thoughts. 

 

Have you tried acceptance or reading anything by Claire Weekes? It’s not a quick fix, unfortunately and I am still struggling to accept everything myself but things improve when I do. 

[thecowisback]

i've got her books and loads of others on ocd and intrusive thoughts but when they pop in my head i truly believe them and can't see them as a product of an exhausted mind and nervous system 😕

[coldturkmama]

51 minutes ago, thecowisback said:

i've got her books and loads of others on ocd and intrusive thoughts but when they pop in my head i truly believe them and can't see them as a product of an exhausted mind and nervous system 😕

 

It is hard when they go round and round. 

It definitely gets easier if you can practice acceptance. Even by saying “I can’t accept right now” you’ll feel better

[thecowisback]

👍

[coldturkmama]

Hey guys! I thought that since it is SIX years TODAY since my cold turkey, I’d come back and give you an update on me.

 

I’m doing really quite well, and I think I’ll have more healing as the days and years pass by. 

I’ll be 40 this month and it seems quite amazing that I got through one of the hardest times in my life. 

 

Cold turkey withdrawal is something i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy. 

I don’t have such terrible symptoms that linger now, the worst one is probably the “fake” UTI symptoms that will pop up after months of everything seeming so normal.

 

my sleep has returned to normal!! 

I can go to bed at 11:00 p.m. and sleep quite well until morning! I have even slept IN lol 

 

i still deal with anxiety issues but Dr. Claire Weekes book “hope and help for your nerves” as well as “The Anxious Truth” podcast (he used to be THAT Anxiety guy) on YouTube have shown me so many ways to desensitize myself (over stimulated nervous system) and how to deal with and react to the symptoms of anxiety, so I’m feeling pretty good.

 

I am hoping that as tome passes, the few lingering issues will go away and that I’ll feel even better.  I hope all of you are doing well too! 😘 

[rola]

@Coldturkmama

Hi
happy to read you and know that you are healed
I am in the midst of weaning from deroxat
and I'm glad I came across this forum
I wish you lots of good things
see you soon

[Alice1]

That’s such wonderful news Gina.  I’m 38 months out and in the worst wave ever. Sometimes I think I’m going backwards , especially the last 2 months.  Your story is one of my favorites. Do you think the Claire Weekes stuff helped ? Do you think you’d be worse off without it ?   

[coldturkmama]

Yes! I think the Claire Weekes acceptance and learning how to float/surrender to the sensations and feelings helped me so much!  

I thank God I found it!

im not 100% perfect but so much better than I was and I know it can only get better!

[India]

On 10/17/2018 at 1:20 AM, coldturkmama said:

five years since my cold turkey from Paxil. 

I’m so glad to be free, even if I’m not 💯 just yet.  

I went from crying, shaking, curled in my bed, rocking back and forth, not sleeping, panic and heart racing, horror, full body aches and pains, to someone who can sleep pretty good (finally!!), can relaxxxx, enjoys long walks and recently began jogging. 

I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m on my way.

@Gemma92

[Gem92]

16 minutes ago, India said:

@Gemma92

Thanks for showing me this. It always helps reading success stories! 

[direstraits]

so happy for you, @coldturkmama !

we're getting there slowly but surely!

Hope you have a fantastic 40th !🎈🎉

[coldturkmama]

20 hours ago, direstraits said:

so happy for you, @coldturkmama !

we're getting there slowly but surely!

Hope you have a fantastic 40th !🎈🎉

 

Thank you!! 😁😁😁

[Altostrata]

Because you're feeling better, I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol ☼ to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

[Altostrata]

coldturkmama's success story is here

 

 

As is our tradition, I am closing this topic. Please post your congratulations and questions in coldturkmama's new topic.