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Ginger

☼ Ginger: How I got here

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Ginger

Paxilprogress was a life safer for me. In March of 2006 I quit Paxil cold turkey. I had absolutely no idea what would follow, withdrawal never entered my mind because I had been told how safe and non-addicting paxil was. I had lots of reasons to quit so I did. The hell that followed blew me away. I started searching the Internet to figure out what was wrong with me and I found paxilprogress and knew I was in withdrawal. The community helped me through those dark times. Life got busy as life does and I stopped going to pp for support and community until this spring. I went back to say thanks and listen to others who were on the freedom from Paxil trail. Now I'm here to do the same.

It means a lot to me to see people do a safe taper. Reading the stories of people fighting the good fight strengthens me--seeing folks make the hard choices to get well inspires me. I want to give back.

I don't struggle with drugs anymore and life is wonderful but this year I have had to tend to my broken heart and I translate the determination to kick Paxil to the hard work I continue to fight to overcome my heart conditions. It's a journey I couldn't be on if I first hadn't become Paxil free.

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Frustrated

Wow congrats on being Paxil free. I tapered off paxil very fast in two months. Five months later I was still suffering so bad I reinstated 1mg to try to ease my symptoms. I pray that some day I am symptom free and Paxil free. I am only 6 mths in. Btw welcome!

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Ever

Welcome Ginger. So excellent to hear of your success.

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brassmonkey

Hi Ginger--I'm so glad you were able to find us, I always like reading your posts.  I hope the strength you found during your WD serves you well on your new journey.

 

(((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))

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Brandy

Welcome, Ginger!

 

I'm almost certain I remember you! Were you the one with the avatar of the little girl from the Peanuts comic strip?

 

If so, you and I went off paxil about the same time. (I took my last dose of a six-week taper in May 2006. I think it was May. Long time ago, like you said!)

 

I didn't join paxilprogress til almost a year later, though I had been reading on it for a while when I could. In fact, I joined PP in order to send a fellow withdrawal sufferer a PM after finding her posts and her diligence in researching how to deal with withdrawal so brilliant. (Absolutely never intended to ever actually post there. Ended up posting after a while - thousands over the years lol.).

 

The fellow withdrawal sufferer whose intelligence and diligence I so admired was Altostrata. The woman who started and is administrator of this group.

 

So glad you found your way here. You will love this wonderful site!

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Ginger

Brandy, Tom, ever and everyone here, THANKS a million. Yes that was me at pp. i remember Altostrata from pp too.

Compassion and care has traveled through cyberspace--that can't be closed down. Love my hug brass monkey--sending it to all of you.

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Alexander

Hi Ginger.  Like you, I didn't have a clue about how bad WD was from Paxil until I did it.  I wish I had found this forum and Paxil Progress before I started tapering.   Good to hear that you are free from Paxil.  All the best to you.

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Altostrata

Welcome, Ginger.

 

In terms of recovering from Paxil, do you feel you can write a success story now?

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Ginger

Life is great. I'm struggling with some health issues but all just part of life and I'm dog gone grateful to be alive.

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mammaP

It is lovely to see someone who has recovered from paxil and withdrawal Ginger, than you for updating us. 

Would you share your story in the success section for us? Jut a brief one if you like, it gives hope to everyone who logs in here to see that recovery is possible.   Congratulations on beating Paxil   :)

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SelmaLady

So glad to see you posting here.  You are such an encourager.  Will be praying for your heart healing.

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WiggleIt

Thanks for being here, guys.

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Altostrata

Very happy to hear you're doing well. I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol

 

 

to the title of your Intro topic.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. You'll be adding to our Recovery Success Stories some day!

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Ginger

9 yrs this month I quit paxil! i am so grateful for today. 9 years ago I never could have imagined the road I would travel, the hard times were bad but the journey is worth the effort, the darkness fades and goodness triumphs.

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Purplestars22

Congratulations on your nine year anniversary what a great achievement. Hope to be there one day!

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brassmonkey

Way to go Ginger.  It shows me that there is something to look forward to.  I especially like the last line of your signature, because I truly believe that it can be better than before.

 

(((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))

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glina

hi ginger . . .

 

thanks so much for taking a minute to post on my intro. thread . . . i really appreciate it . . . your kind words go a long way.

 

a HUGE congratulations for coming off paxil . . . you have all of my respect and admiration for having to have done it cold turkey.

 

((((((((HUG)))))))) for you and your heart :).

 

peace as best you may know it,

 

glina

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Ginger

well, life is good. I planted a garden, which pleases me incredibly. A year ago I couldn't do much of anything because of some heart problems but today I'm gardening (not a lot but some) and doing lots of other things I never imagined I would be able to do so I'm very grateful.

I also have a dear friend who is dying and part of my paxil withdrawal story is that I quit when a dear friend died because I recognized how numb and absent emotionally I had become. I resented paxil for stealing my emotions when my friend needed me most. Today my emotions are present, it is hard and overwhelming at times but I am present emotionally and spiritually for my friend and his wife. This is better and I am so grateful I am present to share this passage with my friend.

Getting off paxil was worth the suffering, I just should have tapered. Oh well.

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justwanttobefree

Ginger what kind of symptoms did you have in your WD? Did you have Anhedonia? How long were you on Paxil?

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Pugknows

Congrats on 9 years med free, Ginger. At what point in your WD did you start to feel better?

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Ginger

I posted my wd to success story anonymously, it was hard to describe the horrors of wd, didn't include the sexual dysfunction and missed some of the time line. It was a few months for the worst physical suffering but some things lingered on for the first year. The emotional and psychological torture diminished during the second year of wd and after that it was growing, learning, reclaiming lost ground.

This is me:

After horrible withdrawal I found life again!

 

Paxil was changing me into someone I didn't recognize, unfeeling and distant emotionally so I quit cold turkey consulting only my conscience. I had been told Paxil was safe and non-addictive, so I thought quitting would be no big deal. But withdrawal was hell.

 

I am not sure how long it took wd to kick in or what hit first--the zaps, the Paxil flu, the weakness. I was pale, cold, sweaty, clammy and emotionally numb. I thought I was going to die. I was irrational. I was paranoid. I couldn't tell anyone how sick I was or what I was feeling or they would lock me up and say I was crazy. I was scared in my collapsing world.

 

Each morning I made myself get up and pretend I was okay. I couldn't tell my husband life had no meaning and relationships were hollow mysteries to me. Fortunately my children were grown and my family didn't depend on my income or I would have lost everything. Getting out of bed was punishment, going to bed was punishment, everything was a punishment. I didn't know how it would end because I didn't know what "it" was. Zapping and sick I did an Internet search and discovered what "it" was, "it" was withdrawal! The zaps, the Paxil flu, the everything and there were others going through what I was experiencing!

 

A few days after I found paxilprogress [a discontinued information and recovery support website] I told my husband I had quit Paxil cold turkey and was in withdrawal. He didn't understand but I told him I had found an online community for people like me. I told him one wd symptom-- the zaps and I read to him how someone had described them, then I told him that it was happening to me all the time. Every time I had a zap I would say "zap". He could see I looked sick but I only told him about the zaps, I was still afraid everyone (but fellow sufferers) would think I was crazy. And I was afraid to tell fellow sufferers how bad it was for fear I would be told to reinstate. By now I had thrown my Paxil away, I hated Paxil, I was afraid of Paxil, I couldn't take it again. Reinstate would mean doing all this misery again, twice as much suffering or worse-- I was not rational and felt my only option was to hang on. Cold turkey made me feel that I would never quite fit in the community that saved me. I knew I had done it wrong but was too scared to turn back.

 

Everyday I spent hours alone looking for meaning in my life. At least I was safe when I was alone, I didn't have to pretend to be okay, in fact I could be brutally honest.

 

At some point my wd symptoms no longer dominated my thoughts or movement. I noticed I was present to other things in my life besides paxil wd. Life was more than Paxil--how awesome is that discovery?

 

Somehow the suffering became more distant and it faded in my memory. Lessons learned became treasures to carry forward in my life. It's hard to explain how the joy, the peace and the brightness of life returned. I didn't want my "negative" emotions masked, I wanted my emotions to be full spectrum of emotions. Death of loved ones, profound losses have come my way-grief, agony, struggles have been mine--I claim them--better than paxil numb. My spirit knows peace and stillness again. Relationships are no longer hollow. I became anchored in the land of the living again, it's a great place to be. Certainly my life is not a bed of roses but it is a garden where my spirit rejoices to be.

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Purplestars22

Thanks for sharing more information about your wd. It gives me hope to read your story that one day wd will fade away.

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Pugknows

Beautiful, Ginger. Truly beautiful.

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Altostrata

Ginger, is it time to add yours to our Recovery Success Stories ?

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Antionette

Paxilprogress was a life safer for me. In March of 2006 I quit Paxil cold turkey. I had absolutely no idea what would follow, withdrawal never entered my mind because I had been told how safe and non-addicting paxil was. I had lots of reasons to quit so I did. The hell that followed blew me away. I started searching the Internet to figure out what was wrong with me and I found paxilprogress and knew I was in withdrawal. The community helped me through those dark times. Life got busy as life does and I stopped going to pp for support and community until this spring. I went back to say thanks and listen to others who were on the freedom from Paxil trail. Now I'm here to do the same.

It means a lot to me to see people do a safe taper. Reading the stories of people fighting the good fight strengthens me--seeing folks make the hard choices to get well inspires me. I want to give back.

I don't struggle with drugs anymore and life is wonderful but this year I have had to tend to my broken heart and I translate the determination to kick Paxil to the hard work I continue to fight to overcome my heart conditions. It's a journey I couldn't be on if I first hadn't become Paxil free.

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Antionette

Thank you so much for you have inspired me. I quit cold turkey as well. It has been over 4 months and I am still suffering. At this point I do not know if reinstating would even help, but was terrified that I was doomed to this he'll forever. Hearing that there is someone who did make it through withdrawal after c/t is so inspiring to me.

So happy to hear your doing well.

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Altostrata

Hello, Ginger, how are you doing?

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