Jump to content
Support our work - please give today

IndigoEarthling: 10 months cold turkey. I can't believe I'm still here!

IndigoEarthling

By IndigoEarthling
in Introductions and updates

Recommended Posts

IndigoEarthling Newbie

IndigoEarthling

Posted
  • Author
Posted

So the obsessions have put me in a state of constant distress. In short, Ive been depressed and thinking about suicide the past week. I broke down and called a hotline...The last few days were a bit better though. I went to a DBSA support meeting and reached out to a holistic clinic for acupuncture. My therapist and I are also working on an Exposure Response Prevention Program that I've begun this week. Praying with all my heart and spirit that it works.

 

On another note, mornings seem to be very difficult. The first thing I think of when waking are the obsessions, sometimes I even dream about them. I immediately start my meditation though and that seems to calm me down. The stress shows on my face and I know my co-workers notice. I want to be more resilient and be able to let go off the pain I feel, but it's hard because I'm so tired. My mentor told me I shouldn't let my stress show- I wonder what she would say if she knew I was overcoming suicidal thoughts that week. Maybe then she would realize how amazing it is that I even got out of bed.

 

For the first time my depression isn't really a neuro emotion. I feel that part of the anxiousness is for sure (I quiet but persistent panicky, tired, overwhelmed feeling), but the sadness was just regular old emotions. I wonder if what I feel now is a wave. Anyone heard of someone experiencing something similar?

Diagnosed bi-pollar II in 2003 at age 15.

Lithium, lexapro and seroquel for the next 8 years, with occasional klonopin.

Quit seroquel cold turkey in 2011.

1st unsuccessful attempt to stop ALL meds cold turkey- 2012

Switched to lithium, citalopram and adderall (only on adderall for a few weeks).

Cold turkey off EVERYTHING Feb 2014.

 

Previous symptoms; crying spells, suicidal depression and hopelessness (3 months). Frequent urination and chocolate, allergy medicine and food sensitivities (3 months). Body pain radiating through my spine, legs, arms and butt followed by muscle stiffness, weakness and tingling/loss of feeling (7 months). Brain zaps, head aches and intense depersonalization. Fight or flight upon waking and difficulty sleeping (2 months). Difficulty regulating body temperature-incredibly cold hands and feet (8 months). Diarrhea and difficulty eating (lost over 30 pounds). Acute and itchy acne? on my forehead, cheeks and chest (7 months). 

 

Current symptoms: anxiety, obsessive compulsions, feeling stuck/unable to act/shocked, pain along my spine, hair loss, easily stressed and overwhelmed, difficulty with social situations, generally moody. 

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Replies 115
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • IndigoEarthling

    46

  • btdt

    13

  • Wildflower0214

    8

  • Patoski

    7

Top Posters In This Topic

IndigoEarthling Newbie

IndigoEarthling

Posted
  • Author
Posted

This has been the week from hell. The obsessions are so distressing- they shift and morph and haunt me. My therapist and I are starting Exposure Response Prevention, but I need someone who specializes in OCD. I found a holistic psychiatrist and she is supposed to be calling me this afternoon.  I've been calling and emailing all day to find someone who can help, but I fear it will be a couple of weeks before I can see someone.

 

I just screamed at my niece-the chicken container she used was left open in the fridge and then her gum fell off her plate and onto the kitchen table. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't have just gotten done taking a shower with towels that were contaminated. My sister washed a load and decided to throw some pants in the dyer that were sitting on the laundry bin. Too bad the laundry bin was dirty. I forced myself to shower using the towels and literally cried the whole time. Afterwards I felt fine, until the whole situation with my niece.

 

I'm going to loose it. All weekend I was suicidal. I called my therapist, my mom. I prayed, I slept, I ate, I went for a walk, read and forced myself to do some laundry. I can't believe I am 11 months off my medicine for bi-polar II and now I am dealing with OCD. What the freak! I NEVER had fears of things being contaminated. No cycling, no mania, not even depression just OBSESSIONS. By modern standards, I was probably on the spectrum of dirtier than most people. This is hell. I'm so overwhelmed. Praying I can make it to my acupuncture apt on Wed and that someone can see me ASAP.

 

At this point, they can put me on whatever meds they want. I don't care any more. I'm so alone and I give up,

Diagnosed bi-pollar II in 2003 at age 15.

Lithium, lexapro and seroquel for the next 8 years, with occasional klonopin.

Quit seroquel cold turkey in 2011.

1st unsuccessful attempt to stop ALL meds cold turkey- 2012

Switched to lithium, citalopram and adderall (only on adderall for a few weeks).

Cold turkey off EVERYTHING Feb 2014.

 

Previous symptoms; crying spells, suicidal depression and hopelessness (3 months). Frequent urination and chocolate, allergy medicine and food sensitivities (3 months). Body pain radiating through my spine, legs, arms and butt followed by muscle stiffness, weakness and tingling/loss of feeling (7 months). Brain zaps, head aches and intense depersonalization. Fight or flight upon waking and difficulty sleeping (2 months). Difficulty regulating body temperature-incredibly cold hands and feet (8 months). Diarrhea and difficulty eating (lost over 30 pounds). Acute and itchy acne? on my forehead, cheeks and chest (7 months). 

 

Current symptoms: anxiety, obsessive compulsions, feeling stuck/unable to act/shocked, pain along my spine, hair loss, easily stressed and overwhelmed, difficulty with social situations, generally moody. 

Link to comment
  • Administrator
Altostrata Grand Master

Altostrata

Posted
  • Administrator
Posted

IE, please don't give up! How are you now?

 

Often, the stress of withdrawal makes us irritable and anxious about little things we used to let go. Often, we have persistent uncomfortable thoughts. Is that what you mean by OCD?

 

There are many non-drug ways to cope with these symptoms. Meditation can help manage those unwanted thoughts, and other impulsive actions.

 

If the symptoms are consequences of withdrawal, they will fade over time.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment
IndigoEarthling Newbie

IndigoEarthling

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Alto, I think that's what it is but I can't tell for sure as I had some mild OCD like symptoms before. I am constantly in a state of distress, I dont know what to do but keep calling to find another therapist and continue with the acupuncture.

 

I feel like I am destroying my whole family in the process. My neice broke down and started crying- she thinks she is causing me to get worse. And she is- along with everyone else. I feel so uncomfortable doing the smallest of activities- shopping, washing clothes. I get a thought and don't know if I should act on it or let it go.

 

I don't want my dog anymore, I don't want my life any more. I am meditating and practicing mindfulness but I feel paralyzed with anxiety that persists. Maybe I should move out of my house. Maybe I should give up my dog. Maybe I should wait it out. Trying to wash clothes and my dogs things but it's such a process with worrying everything is dirty and I have no energy.

 

This phase is so tough. I feel like I'm going to loose it. Maybe I should just maintain a holding pattern and do nothing- where whatever I can that's clean and let my dog just be a little smelly until I feel better?

Diagnosed bi-pollar II in 2003 at age 15.

Lithium, lexapro and seroquel for the next 8 years, with occasional klonopin.

Quit seroquel cold turkey in 2011.

1st unsuccessful attempt to stop ALL meds cold turkey- 2012

Switched to lithium, citalopram and adderall (only on adderall for a few weeks).

Cold turkey off EVERYTHING Feb 2014.

 

Previous symptoms; crying spells, suicidal depression and hopelessness (3 months). Frequent urination and chocolate, allergy medicine and food sensitivities (3 months). Body pain radiating through my spine, legs, arms and butt followed by muscle stiffness, weakness and tingling/loss of feeling (7 months). Brain zaps, head aches and intense depersonalization. Fight or flight upon waking and difficulty sleeping (2 months). Difficulty regulating body temperature-incredibly cold hands and feet (8 months). Diarrhea and difficulty eating (lost over 30 pounds). Acute and itchy acne? on my forehead, cheeks and chest (7 months). 

 

Current symptoms: anxiety, obsessive compulsions, feeling stuck/unable to act/shocked, pain along my spine, hair loss, easily stressed and overwhelmed, difficulty with social situations, generally moody. 

Link to comment
Purplestars22 Newbie

Purplestars22

Posted
Posted

I know exactly what you are going through and hang in there. You are almost a year off meds next month what a great accomplishment. I would recommend to take it easy and not have any stress in your life easier said than done. Just know that the thoughts you are having are not you just a destabilized nervous system from meds. From a quick taper or ct people experience an improvement on 16 months but everyone is different and it could be sooner. I noticed your symptoms list greatly reduced that in itself is a relief. Just take one moment at a time.

Celexa 20mg 2008-2012 for Social Anxiety

Failed attempt to stop reinstated

1 year taper skipping doses

Celexa free 12/2013

1/2014-5/2014 took 5 htp every other day

Failed Reinstatement 5mg of Celexa on 12/2014 for 5 days only

Link to comment
Patoski Newbie

Patoski

Posted
Posted

Indigo don't make any life changing decisions while your in crisis wait till you feel better it will pass it always does. Definitely don't get rid of your dog it probably knows your not well better than any doctor I have for dogs and they all know when I'm not good the are the canine decision of my recovery I often talk to them about how I feel they never rejected me or get fed up with me.i am 8 months off now I'm going through some bad stuff my self.but I just keep reading encouring post and share how I feel.i was diagnosed bipolar but I just see it as a label. I know the answer is in my recovery so hang in there mate you CAN do it.

I was originally on 350 mils doxepin started in1975 through the years I tapered down to 100 mils

I stayed on this dose for many years

I have now been off for 7 months ago

Link to comment
IndigoEarthling Newbie

IndigoEarthling

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks Patoski- I was thinking about checking myself into a mental hospital today. I feel so trapped. Should I have my therapist write a letter to my boss and take a week off?

 

I need a new therapist who can help with the anxiety and I've been desperately emailing or calling. I just don't know what's best right now. Sometimes staying at home makes it worse. I recognize I can't make sound decisions for myself right now and I've called my support network.

 

I'm supposed to be working from home today to do some writing but I was up all night with bad spine and nerve pain and I'm distraught. Any advice on how I can navigate out of this situation?

Diagnosed bi-pollar II in 2003 at age 15.

Lithium, lexapro and seroquel for the next 8 years, with occasional klonopin.

Quit seroquel cold turkey in 2011.

1st unsuccessful attempt to stop ALL meds cold turkey- 2012

Switched to lithium, citalopram and adderall (only on adderall for a few weeks).

Cold turkey off EVERYTHING Feb 2014.

 

Previous symptoms; crying spells, suicidal depression and hopelessness (3 months). Frequent urination and chocolate, allergy medicine and food sensitivities (3 months). Body pain radiating through my spine, legs, arms and butt followed by muscle stiffness, weakness and tingling/loss of feeling (7 months). Brain zaps, head aches and intense depersonalization. Fight or flight upon waking and difficulty sleeping (2 months). Difficulty regulating body temperature-incredibly cold hands and feet (8 months). Diarrhea and difficulty eating (lost over 30 pounds). Acute and itchy acne? on my forehead, cheeks and chest (7 months). 

 

Current symptoms: anxiety, obsessive compulsions, feeling stuck/unable to act/shocked, pain along my spine, hair loss, easily stressed and overwhelmed, difficulty with social situations, generally moody. 

Link to comment
btdt Newbie

btdt

Posted
Posted

Just wanted to say too that I have tried not working and it makes everything worse sitting at home concentrating on all the symptoms. A lot of days it takes almost everything I have to get out of bed and start the day but you just have to push through and hope for the best.

I so wish I had this push thru thing... when I push I just fall flat on my face end up sick and back in bed for a long long time... I want push thru... that is what I know but it has failed me now. 

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to comment
btdt Newbie

btdt

Posted
Posted

Thanks Patoski- I was thinking about checking myself into a mental hospital today. I feel so trapped. Should I have my therapist write a letter to my boss and take a week off?

 

I need a new therapist who can help with the anxiety and I've been desperately emailing or calling. I just don't know what's best right now. Sometimes staying at home makes it worse. I recognize I can't make sound decisions for myself right now and I've called my support network.

 

I'm supposed to be working from home today to do some writing but I was up all night with bad spine and nerve pain and I'm distraught. Any advice on how I can navigate out of this situation?

Get a source of heat on your spine get comfy.. I mean it... watch this. 

 

it is the only thing that rests me deep relaxation there are other videos but this is a good start... heat on the spine supposedly help the production of norepinephrine but I lost the link to where I learned this... If I were you I would do this and then reevaluate all else... 

it may be just enough recharge to do that article .. once it is done do this again... 

peace

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to comment
Patoski Newbie

Patoski

Posted
Posted

Indigo I have to share this with you just in case. I've been in pain with my back for the last 3 weeks a friend told me to turn my mattress over and guess what .i slept last night my back is still a bit sore but I expect it will take time to get right. I'm also going to buy a new mattress. I also have a pain in my groin that I'm taking antibiotics for and they make me feel bad.i go to work every day because when I'm At work I can't give in to my feelings in front of other people. So in fact I fake it to make it .I have to be fair and tell you I am the boss so I can leave when ever I like. Every morning before I go to work I get down on my knees and hand my withdrawel over to the care of God.this seems to work for me .Please try it even if you don't be. Also do what BT DT as suggested relax action does work but it's not a quick fix it slowly kicks in sometimes after a few daysdays.there is always something you can do towards your own recovery distract your self clean your shoes mow the lawn have a bath with radox go for a walk read positive books and if all this fails help somebody else just don't let your mind lock into your symptoms

I was originally on 350 mils doxepin started in1975 through the years I tapered down to 100 mils

I stayed on this dose for many years

I have now been off for 7 months ago

Link to comment
btdt Newbie

btdt

Posted
Posted

Completely agree with 

 

Indigo I have to share this with you just in case. I've been in pain with my back for the last 3 weeks a friend told me to turn my mattress over and guess what .i slept last night my back is still a bit sore but I expect it will take time to get right. I'm also going to buy a new mattress. I also have a pain in my groin that I'm taking antibiotics for and they make me feel bad.i go to work every day because when I'm At work I can't give in to my feelings in front of other people. So in fact I fake it to make it .I have to be fair and tell you I am the boss so I can leave when ever I like. Every morning before I go to work I get down on my knees and hand my withdrawel over to the care of God.this seems to work for me .Please try it even if you don't be. Also do what BT DT as suggested relax action does work but it's not a quick fix it slowly kicks in sometimes after a few daysdays.there is always something you can do towards your own recovery distract your self clean your shoes mow the lawn have a bath with radox go for a walk read positive books and if all this fails help somebody else just don't let your mind lock into your symptoms

Completely agree with all he 

want to add the more you use a meditation if you use the same one awhile the better it gets. 

peace

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to comment
IndigoEarthling Newbie

IndigoEarthling

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks all- I listened to the meditation and I really enjoyed it. I will continue to do so throughout the day. My living situation is so stressful. Things are constantly triggering my anxiety. I badly wish to move, but won't be able to afford therapy and living in DC if I do. There are so many things to worry about and to do and I just want the misery to end. I feel so stuck when I look at me options-they all suck. 

 

Going to try and work out tonight to let go of some anger and built up tension. Will touch base before I go to bed and see how I feel.

 

Thank you all for the support!

Diagnosed bi-pollar II in 2003 at age 15.

Lithium, lexapro and seroquel for the next 8 years, with occasional klonopin.

Quit seroquel cold turkey in 2011.

1st unsuccessful attempt to stop ALL meds cold turkey- 2012

Switched to lithium, citalopram and adderall (only on adderall for a few weeks).

Cold turkey off EVERYTHING Feb 2014.

 

Previous symptoms; crying spells, suicidal depression and hopelessness (3 months). Frequent urination and chocolate, allergy medicine and food sensitivities (3 months). Body pain radiating through my spine, legs, arms and butt followed by muscle stiffness, weakness and tingling/loss of feeling (7 months). Brain zaps, head aches and intense depersonalization. Fight or flight upon waking and difficulty sleeping (2 months). Difficulty regulating body temperature-incredibly cold hands and feet (8 months). Diarrhea and difficulty eating (lost over 30 pounds). Acute and itchy acne? on my forehead, cheeks and chest (7 months). 

 

Current symptoms: anxiety, obsessive compulsions, feeling stuck/unable to act/shocked, pain along my spine, hair loss, easily stressed and overwhelmed, difficulty with social situations, generally moody. 

Link to comment
IndigoEarthling Newbie

IndigoEarthling

Posted
  • Author
Posted

This meditation got me through the day! Thank you for sharing. I managed to get some work done and run some errands. But oh boy was today a tough day! I spent some time talking to psychologist today- and the last one was convinced I should be on medicine. I'm going to give it another month and if the obsessions don't get better, I'm going to seriously consider going on a medicine. I'm too fragile these days, barely eating, spiraling down quickly and taking my frustration out on my family. I'm so ready to give up- what if one pill is the difference?

 

Going to meditate again and pray on this. Surely God will guide me.

Diagnosed bi-pollar II in 2003 at age 15.

Lithium, lexapro and seroquel for the next 8 years, with occasional klonopin.

Quit seroquel cold turkey in 2011.

1st unsuccessful attempt to stop ALL meds cold turkey- 2012

Switched to lithium, citalopram and adderall (only on adderall for a few weeks).

Cold turkey off EVERYTHING Feb 2014.

 

Previous symptoms; crying spells, suicidal depression and hopelessness (3 months). Frequent urination and chocolate, allergy medicine and food sensitivities (3 months). Body pain radiating through my spine, legs, arms and butt followed by muscle stiffness, weakness and tingling/loss of feeling (7 months). Brain zaps, head aches and intense depersonalization. Fight or flight upon waking and difficulty sleeping (2 months). Difficulty regulating body temperature-incredibly cold hands and feet (8 months). Diarrhea and difficulty eating (lost over 30 pounds). Acute and itchy acne? on my forehead, cheeks and chest (7 months). 

 

Current symptoms: anxiety, obsessive compulsions, feeling stuck/unable to act/shocked, pain along my spine, hair loss, easily stressed and overwhelmed, difficulty with social situations, generally moody. 

Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Newbie

Wildflower0214

Posted
Posted

I just want you to know I am here! I got slammed with OCD symptoms about two months ago! It's AWFUL! I am a perfectionist and have always been a bit obsessive, but not like this.

 

I just wanted to stop in for support! :)

2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

Link to comment
IndigoEarthling Newbie

IndigoEarthling

Posted
  • Author
Posted

JDM- thank you for your note. It's good to know I'm not alone in this :) I'm the same way- always been a perfectionist but never worried about contaminate things or if lids were on tight enough. It's madness- I almost miss the depression.

 

How are you holding up? Have you noticed the symptoms improving at all?

Diagnosed bi-pollar II in 2003 at age 15.

Lithium, lexapro and seroquel for the next 8 years, with occasional klonopin.

Quit seroquel cold turkey in 2011.

1st unsuccessful attempt to stop ALL meds cold turkey- 2012

Switched to lithium, citalopram and adderall (only on adderall for a few weeks).

Cold turkey off EVERYTHING Feb 2014.

 

Previous symptoms; crying spells, suicidal depression and hopelessness (3 months). Frequent urination and chocolate, allergy medicine and food sensitivities (3 months). Body pain radiating through my spine, legs, arms and butt followed by muscle stiffness, weakness and tingling/loss of feeling (7 months). Brain zaps, head aches and intense depersonalization. Fight or flight upon waking and difficulty sleeping (2 months). Difficulty regulating body temperature-incredibly cold hands and feet (8 months). Diarrhea and difficulty eating (lost over 30 pounds). Acute and itchy acne? on my forehead, cheeks and chest (7 months). 

 

Current symptoms: anxiety, obsessive compulsions, feeling stuck/unable to act/shocked, pain along my spine, hair loss, easily stressed and overwhelmed, difficulty with social situations, generally moody. 

Link to comment
btdt Newbie

btdt

Posted
Posted

My mother use to say a change is as good as a rest...I think she has some ideas as she raised 8 kids :)  I am the youngest...  meditation changes things use it all you need to.  There are others of course lot of them on utube I am glad it helped you.  Another thing I use to do when I had had enough was take a walk.. it turned into my time.  I went to the beach and sat in the car too I needed some space.  I sure hope you keep your dog... when I first started in withdrawal I could not stand my cat... I know it seemed impossible but I could not stand her... I fed her but did not want her to be around me she bugged the crap out of me as she was my cat... and wanted to be with me.  As I got better it improved so much and I felt bad about those feelings I had... but I know it was beyond my control at the time... it was a withdrawal thing I so glad I did not get rid of her.  You will like your dog again some day till then have a change take a walk go to the beach meditate.  People here will try to help. 

I wish you peace :)

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Newbie

Wildflower0214

Posted
Posted

JDM- thank you for your note. It's good to know I'm not alone in this :) I'm the same way- always been a perfectionist but never worried about contaminate things or if lids were on tight enough. It's madness- I almost miss the depression.

 

How are you holding up? Have you noticed the symptoms improving at all?

Umm, they may be a little less intense now. But, instead of focusing on one genre, they are now about several different things. I have been checking locks on doors, feeling overly guilty about things, hyper focusing on trying to find relief from the OCD, so now I'm OCD about searching the Internet to find out how to manage OCD!! It seems to warp from one thing to the next and it really is awful!

 

I miss depression too.

 

Has yours changed themes or it just sticks with the cleanliness etc.?

 

I'm glad we found each other. This doesn't seem to visit everyone in WD. I have seen a few mention it, but very rarely to the extent we both seem to be struggling.

2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Newbie

Wildflower0214

Posted
Posted

My mother use to say a change is as good as a rest...I think she has some ideas as she raised 8 kids :) I am the youngest... meditation changes things use it all you need to. There are others of course lot of them on utube I am glad it helped you. Another thing I use to do when I had had enough was take a walk.. it turned into my time. I went to the beach and sat in the car too I needed some space. I sure hope you keep your dog... when I first started in withdrawal I could not stand my cat... I know it seemed impossible but I could not stand her... I fed her but did not want her to be around me she bugged the crap out of me as she was my cat... and wanted to be with me. As I got better it improved so much and I felt bad about those feelings I had... but I know it was beyond my control at the time... it was a withdrawal thing I so glad I did not get rid of her. You will like your dog again some day till then have a change take a walk go to the beach meditate. People here will try to help.

I wish you peace :)

Yes, please keep the dog. :)

2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

Link to comment
Martina23 Newbie

Martina23

Posted
Posted

Please try your body to give a chance to heal it by itself. I know that all the psychologists and psychiatrists try to persuade one to start with medicine by all means. But the problem is they do not know what such medicine can do. You were not that struggling if you did not take their medicine.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

Link to comment
IndigoEarthling Newbie

IndigoEarthling

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Martina,

 

I am definately trying- this is just a new typenof anxiety that's so distressing. I feel it in my body and it doesn't help that I'm having nerve pain bad as well. My hands and arms are weaker than usual- it hasn't been this bad in months. I see a neurologist tomorrow- hopefully he won't think I'm crazy.

 

On another note- I left the house more or less on time today for work and I was able to keep the checking to about a 3 which is a stark improvement. Tonight I'm seeing a new psychologist. I hope he can help with the OCD and I don't have to go back on medicine. Trying harder than I ever have in my whole life to be positive and remember to breathe throughout the day. My goals today are to eat and to do some light excercises. Thank you all for the support. I don't know where I'd be without this forum.

Diagnosed bi-pollar II in 2003 at age 15.

Lithium, lexapro and seroquel for the next 8 years, with occasional klonopin.

Quit seroquel cold turkey in 2011.

1st unsuccessful attempt to stop ALL meds cold turkey- 2012

Switched to lithium, citalopram and adderall (only on adderall for a few weeks).

Cold turkey off EVERYTHING Feb 2014.

 

Previous symptoms; crying spells, suicidal depression and hopelessness (3 months). Frequent urination and chocolate, allergy medicine and food sensitivities (3 months). Body pain radiating through my spine, legs, arms and butt followed by muscle stiffness, weakness and tingling/loss of feeling (7 months). Brain zaps, head aches and intense depersonalization. Fight or flight upon waking and difficulty sleeping (2 months). Difficulty regulating body temperature-incredibly cold hands and feet (8 months). Diarrhea and difficulty eating (lost over 30 pounds). Acute and itchy acne? on my forehead, cheeks and chest (7 months). 

 

Current symptoms: anxiety, obsessive compulsions, feeling stuck/unable to act/shocked, pain along my spine, hair loss, easily stressed and overwhelmed, difficulty with social situations, generally moody. 

Link to comment
Patoski Newbie

Patoski

Posted
Posted

Indigo please don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle happens .see a psychologist by all means but remember if you go back on medication your back in the ring.talking therapy does help ug freeubutthere is no drug that can cure us . I wentp to a neurologist and the found an abnormalitie but I'm still here and I'm drug free

I was originally on 350 mils doxepin started in1975 through the years I tapered down to 100 mils

I stayed on this dose for many years

I have now been off for 7 months ago

Link to comment
Patoski Newbie

Patoski

Posted
Posted

Sorry Indigo don't know what happened there I'm in a lot of pain my self.but just wanted to support you. I had to do an interview with a french news paper today my restaurant won a big awardu it . I was so scared of doing the interview. My head was in bits but some how I gkot through it .turned out to be another 7positive day in recovery. Some times it pays to take a leap in the dark .Please stick with us we only have one another

I was originally on 350 mils doxepin started in1975 through the years I tapered down to 100 mils

I stayed on this dose for many years

I have now been off for 7 months ago

Link to comment
btdt Newbie

btdt

Posted
Posted

Knowing what is causing the arm pain is one thing.. taking a drug to treat it is another... in some cases what you get from a doctor in an opinion... and also the medication he may give will be based on this opinion...

 

If doctors do not take into account wd and wd symptoms ... we will not even say know how to treat them as how could they if they don't know they exist... how can they possibly get the right treatment.

 

I have been to the neurologist and a few different drugs were tried this was early on .. I will say just this every drug made my situation worse.  

 

Some things are wd pain is wd.. weakness wd... I would in no way want to side track you from treating a serious illness at the same time I would not want to see your wd be made worse by complicating it with medications. 

 

I am not a doctor but I have lived this and I think taking the drugs the doctor gave me then was a mistake I made.  I am not saying don't get checked by a doctor by all means it is the sensible thing to do.  If he suggests a drug I would come back here and talk to the Mods about the drug and the dx. 

 

Not trying to give you something more to worry about but I know for a fact pain is part of this for many of us. 

 

Now where is that meditation video....:) \

 

wishing you peace

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to comment
IndigoEarthling Newbie

IndigoEarthling

Posted
  • Author
Posted

BTDT, the meds would be for the OCD not the back pain, although the neurologist said they might help the pain. He scheduled an MRI and a nerve test. What a terrible experience- the Dr. Had a scab on his finger and now I'm freaking out about that- I didn't notice until after he examined me.

 

I can't even begin to express how hopeless and overwhelmed I feel. I've been practicing my breathing and relaxation excercises non stop. I just want this all to end. Does have any guidance on getting back on medicine? It's my absolute last resort but I am desperate for relief. I don't think this is a window- I think this is just regular old me.

Diagnosed bi-pollar II in 2003 at age 15.

Lithium, lexapro and seroquel for the next 8 years, with occasional klonopin.

Quit seroquel cold turkey in 2011.

1st unsuccessful attempt to stop ALL meds cold turkey- 2012

Switched to lithium, citalopram and adderall (only on adderall for a few weeks).

Cold turkey off EVERYTHING Feb 2014.

 

Previous symptoms; crying spells, suicidal depression and hopelessness (3 months). Frequent urination and chocolate, allergy medicine and food sensitivities (3 months). Body pain radiating through my spine, legs, arms and butt followed by muscle stiffness, weakness and tingling/loss of feeling (7 months). Brain zaps, head aches and intense depersonalization. Fight or flight upon waking and difficulty sleeping (2 months). Difficulty regulating body temperature-incredibly cold hands and feet (8 months). Diarrhea and difficulty eating (lost over 30 pounds). Acute and itchy acne? on my forehead, cheeks and chest (7 months). 

 

Current symptoms: anxiety, obsessive compulsions, feeling stuck/unable to act/shocked, pain along my spine, hair loss, easily stressed and overwhelmed, difficulty with social situations, generally moody. 

Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Newbie

Wildflower0214

Posted
Posted

I think you are in WD. And, you may be very sensitive to medication now. Unless you experienced this level of mental anguish before medication, this is WD.

 

I'm sorry, but I think medication may compound your problem at this point.

 

I certainly understand the desperation. And I'm sorry you feel backed into a corner. I know the feeling.

2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

Link to comment
Martina23 Newbie

Martina23

Posted
Posted

IndigoEarthling, you make me always so much laugh about a scab or contamination. I was yesterday laughing about that for 10 minutes. They in the hospital almost believed I have got a new mental disease ! At least I must say you have a great sense of humour...

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

Link to comment
Martina23 Newbie

Martina23

Posted
Posted

If you can not stand it anymore, then please rather take some medication. It is better than if you make suicide, then a later stage if you feel better you can start tapering it slowly. Indigoearthling, please do not take it everything so seriosly, it will solve itself in some time, you will see.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

Link to comment
IndigoEarthling Newbie

IndigoEarthling

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I think you are in WD. And, you may be very sensitive to medication now. Unless you experienced this level of mental anguish before medication, this is WD.

 

I'm sorry, but I think medication may compound your problem at this point.

 

I certainly understand the desperation. And I'm sorry you feel backed into a corner. I know the feeling.

Diagnosed bi-pollar II in 2003 at age 15.

Lithium, lexapro and seroquel for the next 8 years, with occasional klonopin.

Quit seroquel cold turkey in 2011.

1st unsuccessful attempt to stop ALL meds cold turkey- 2012

Switched to lithium, citalopram and adderall (only on adderall for a few weeks).

Cold turkey off EVERYTHING Feb 2014.

 

Previous symptoms; crying spells, suicidal depression and hopelessness (3 months). Frequent urination and chocolate, allergy medicine and food sensitivities (3 months). Body pain radiating through my spine, legs, arms and butt followed by muscle stiffness, weakness and tingling/loss of feeling (7 months). Brain zaps, head aches and intense depersonalization. Fight or flight upon waking and difficulty sleeping (2 months). Difficulty regulating body temperature-incredibly cold hands and feet (8 months). Diarrhea and difficulty eating (lost over 30 pounds). Acute and itchy acne? on my forehead, cheeks and chest (7 months). 

 

Current symptoms: anxiety, obsessive compulsions, feeling stuck/unable to act/shocked, pain along my spine, hair loss, easily stressed and overwhelmed, difficulty with social situations, generally moody. 

Link to comment
IndigoEarthling Newbie

IndigoEarthling

Posted
  • Author
Posted

JDM, I haven't ever experienced this intensity of feeling before. It's hopelessness mixed with anxiety, mixed with distress and agitation. I guess I am second guessing myself. Maybe I am cycling and its the mood disorder, or maybe it is withdrawal. I don't know. But I am holding on for dear life right now. I pray that this will pass. I just can't imagine going through this for another week, month or year.

 

Going to try and go for a run or something and get this anxiety out of my system.

Diagnosed bi-pollar II in 2003 at age 15.

Lithium, lexapro and seroquel for the next 8 years, with occasional klonopin.

Quit seroquel cold turkey in 2011.

1st unsuccessful attempt to stop ALL meds cold turkey- 2012

Switched to lithium, citalopram and adderall (only on adderall for a few weeks).

Cold turkey off EVERYTHING Feb 2014.

 

Previous symptoms; crying spells, suicidal depression and hopelessness (3 months). Frequent urination and chocolate, allergy medicine and food sensitivities (3 months). Body pain radiating through my spine, legs, arms and butt followed by muscle stiffness, weakness and tingling/loss of feeling (7 months). Brain zaps, head aches and intense depersonalization. Fight or flight upon waking and difficulty sleeping (2 months). Difficulty regulating body temperature-incredibly cold hands and feet (8 months). Diarrhea and difficulty eating (lost over 30 pounds). Acute and itchy acne? on my forehead, cheeks and chest (7 months). 

 

Current symptoms: anxiety, obsessive compulsions, feeling stuck/unable to act/shocked, pain along my spine, hair loss, easily stressed and overwhelmed, difficulty with social situations, generally moody. 

Link to comment
IndigoEarthling Newbie

IndigoEarthling

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Now that I think about it, there was one time in my life were I experienced something similar- still a little bit more intense now by I had a memory hit me. Either way it doesn't matter, it's all trivial. I'm in the here and the now.

 

JDM how are you holding up?

Diagnosed bi-pollar II in 2003 at age 15.

Lithium, lexapro and seroquel for the next 8 years, with occasional klonopin.

Quit seroquel cold turkey in 2011.

1st unsuccessful attempt to stop ALL meds cold turkey- 2012

Switched to lithium, citalopram and adderall (only on adderall for a few weeks).

Cold turkey off EVERYTHING Feb 2014.

 

Previous symptoms; crying spells, suicidal depression and hopelessness (3 months). Frequent urination and chocolate, allergy medicine and food sensitivities (3 months). Body pain radiating through my spine, legs, arms and butt followed by muscle stiffness, weakness and tingling/loss of feeling (7 months). Brain zaps, head aches and intense depersonalization. Fight or flight upon waking and difficulty sleeping (2 months). Difficulty regulating body temperature-incredibly cold hands and feet (8 months). Diarrhea and difficulty eating (lost over 30 pounds). Acute and itchy acne? on my forehead, cheeks and chest (7 months). 

 

Current symptoms: anxiety, obsessive compulsions, feeling stuck/unable to act/shocked, pain along my spine, hair loss, easily stressed and overwhelmed, difficulty with social situations, generally moody. 

Link to comment
Patoski Newbie

Patoski

Posted
Posted

Indigo try to keep your mind in to day don't wander into tomorrow the bible says Sufficient to the day is the ever there of and the big book of AA says I can do for 24 hours that which would appall me if I had to do it for the rest of my life you have to use other people's experience if your going to get through this.gthis.get your head on your pillow without a drug to night and you are a winner. Even if you don't sleep .tThere has never been a death certificate issued for lack of sleep. I've had a lot of love in my recovery some of it tough love but it's getting me through some times say the serenity prayer over and over again just to get through a crisis. For me I would rather die to night rather than go back on drugs at least I would meet my maker clean and sober so come on mate let's stick to get her and try and get through this

I was originally on 350 mils doxepin started in1975 through the years I tapered down to 100 mils

I stayed on this dose for many years

I have now been off for 7 months ago

Link to comment
Patoski Newbie

Patoski

Posted
Posted

Should be the evil there of

I was originally on 350 mils doxepin started in1975 through the years I tapered down to 100 mils

I stayed on this dose for many years

I have now been off for 7 months ago

Link to comment
Pugknows Newbie

Pugknows

Posted
Posted

Thanks Patoski- I was thinking about checking myself into a mental hospital today. I feel so trapped. Should I have my therapist write a letter to my boss and take a week off?

 

I need a new therapist who can help with the anxiety and I've been desperately emailing or calling. I just don't know what's best right now. Sometimes staying at home makes it worse. I recognize I can't make sound decisions for myself right now and I've called my support network.

 

I'm supposed to be working from home today to do some writing but I was up all night with bad spine and nerve pain and I'm distraught. Any advice on how I can navigate out of this situation?

January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.

September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.

January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.

July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.

August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.

September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.

October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.

November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.

December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.

March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

Link to comment
Pugknows Newbie

Pugknows

Posted
Posted

Indigo, I hate to see you suffer like this. I just read a book by Claire Weeks called Hope and Help for Your Nerves. It was very soothing and explained in simple terms what is going on with us and how we can repair our CNS and recover. (((Hugs))) You are going to be fine. Get the time off work, but stay out of the hospitals. They will just prescribe more drugs. It's what they do.

January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.

September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.

January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.

July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.

August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.

September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.

October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.

November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.

December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.

March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

Link to comment
Pugknows Newbie

Pugknows

Posted
Posted

 

JDM- thank you for your note. It's good to know I'm not alone in this :) I'm the same way- always been a perfectionist but never worried about contaminate things or if lids were on tight enough. It's madness- I almost miss the depression.

 

How are you holding up? Have you noticed the symptoms improving at all?

Umm, they may be a little less intense now. But, instead of focusing on one genre, they are now about several different things. I have been checking locks on doors, feeling overly guilty about things, hyper focusing on trying to find relief from the OCD, so now I'm OCD about searching the Internet to find out how to manage OCD!! It seems to warp from one thing to the next and it really is awful!

 

I miss depression too.

 

Has yours changed themes or it just sticks with the cleanliness etc.?

 

I'm glad we found each other. This doesn't seem to visit everyone in WD. I have seen a few mention it, but very rarely to the extent we both seem to be struggling.

January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.

September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.

January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.

July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.

August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.

September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.

October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.

November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.

December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.

March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

Link to comment
Pugknows Newbie

Pugknows

Posted
Posted

I now have acquired Internet OCD too. Looking for answers, finding horror stories, looking for more stories to counteract the horror stories I just read. Lawd Almighty! No wonder my eyes burn! Now I have to look up why my eyes burn. What a hamster wheel!

January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.

September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.

January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.

July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.

August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.

September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.

October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.

November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.

December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.

March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy

  I accept