Jump to content

Learning to rest in God


Wildflower0214

Recommended Posts

Hi Mellow, I understand. It is difficult is it not to find we are yet again in a wave. I had a particularly trying wave yesterday. I was deeply asking our Lord to just be with me, just help me. I find I need His courage so deeply. Today is better. I read this on recovery, a Christian therapist said it, " The irony, reversing the 'innocent ' dependence on the drug, requires additional pain". This is indeed the hard part right. " The willingness to experience physical and psychological pain is a sign of progress, an indication we are no longer going to settle for a life ruled by selfishness and short term quick fixes". 1 Peter 4:1. Each time I am triggered by emotional or physical pain, I must reach for God. John 9:3. This is giving me much to think on and pray over. Maybe it will for you too. Best to you this day. His blessings!!!! TripleM.

Link to post
  • 5 weeks later...
  • Replies 80
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Wildflower0214

    24

  • lionofJuda

    9

  • SelmaLady

    7

  • Earthworm

    3

Top Posters In This Topic

I feel like God and my sister are the only ones I can trust. My trust in doctors is gone. I pray so fervently and I am guilty of asking God why he gave me the brain/ genetics/ situation he did. Daily apprehension and fear are gradually being replaced with acceptance and trust in Christ. This is difficult, especially the days when I am hit by a wave when I was praying for a window. Bless us all.

 

I find it hard to stay in His Word during anxiety waves - probably because concentrating is difficult, and because my anxiety waves have a manic element, making it hard to stay still for long. So I pray more as my Bible reading becomes less during those times. Pacing and praying!

 

I praise God for His infinitely wonderful attributes, with my mind obviously going to the most relevant ones at the time: Defender, Savior, Peace, Healer, Comforter, my Fortress, High Tower, Shield, the Lover of my Soul...

 

And of course, I hit all of the key Scriptures on anxiety, fear, healing, sound mind, and so on.

 

I'm going to stop and pray for you right now, Mellow!

 

SJ

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

Link to post

Hi Mellow, I understand. It is difficult is it not to find we are yet again in a wave. I had a particularly trying wave yesterday. I was deeply asking our Lord to just be with me, just help me. I find I need His courage so deeply. Today is better. I read this on recovery, a Christian therapist said it, " The irony, reversing the 'innocent ' dependence on the drug, requires additional pain". This is indeed the hard part right. " The willingness to experience physical and psychological pain is a sign of progress, an indication we are no longer going to settle for a life ruled by selfishness and short term quick fixes". 1 Peter 4:1. Each time I am triggered by emotional or physical pain, I must reach for God. John 9:3. This is giving me much to think on and pray over. Maybe it will for you too. Best to you this day. His blessings!!!! TripleM.

 

John 9:3 - "Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him" is an interesting verse to meditate on, TripleM. Thanks for sharing. I too have been praying that what I am suffering through is used by God for His glory. He does, after all, promise that He works all things together for our good, and that He knows the plans He has for us, plans to prosper and not to harm us, to give us a hope and a future. So believing that there is a greater purpose in the pain we are going through does make sense!

 

SJ

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

Link to post
  • 2 weeks later...

Hi SJ, yes, these are indeed his promises to us, His children. I am clinging to Him SJ. I am clinging to Him and His word. He is either every bit of who He says He is and true to His word, or He is not. I choose to believe He is. Yet, the struggle/ trial of this is so hard. My therapist continues to remind me that he is allowing my CNS to heal just as He designed it to. In the process I am learning first hand, total reliance on His all sufficient Grace and for His power to be perfected in my absolute weakness.

Link to post

“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.” - Psalm 91:14-16

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

Link to post
  • 4 years later...
SolidmiseryonAD

I'm at 42.1 mg Bupropion and I dropped after three weeks down to 39.9 mg.  The wave was terrible: 

Headache

Fatigue

Helplessness

Bitterness

Hopelessness

Hellish Loneliness

Dizziness

Brain Fog

No Motivation - but a racing panic

Hellish Worry

Can't focus on my goals

Ears ringing that never stops

Heart pain and beating fast

I want to do so, so much but can't 

Crying Fits 

 

I went up to 42.1 mg and I'm focusing on writing this. 

I want to reach out for G-d but I feel so, so lost.  I wish He would take all of this away.  I try to figure out solutions to my problems but I want guidance from G-d but He doesn't seem near.  Please help! 

 

1995 - 1997: Xanax 

1997 - 1999: Slow taper off of Xanax

1999 - 2018: Bupropion (75-mg, 100-mg, 150-mg and 300-mg)

2018: In November I started tapering off Bupropion, initial dosage at start of taper was 300-mg per day.  Taper schedule was 5% decrease from pervious dosage - using solid and liquid forms of Bupropion.

2021: As of 3/17 I'm at 60-mg Bupropion per day going down to 56-mg.  Slow and steady, slow and steady and stable....

 

 

 

Link to post
Moonpie

Hi SolidmiseryonAD.  I am so very sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I have been where you are at many times as many here in SA have also.  I hurt for you and empathize with you.  God is near.  He promises He will never forsake you or leave you.  Our suffering is so great and has all of our focus that we cannot sometime feel or see Him but He is right there beside you.  And He cares about what you are facing.  Cry out to Him and talk to Him.  I too have wished it would all go away and I just want it to stop.  It will get better, you will get better as you  heal.  One thing my pastor told me to do is play scripture being read.  I pull up Youtube on my phone and find the audio Bible.  I put it on Psalms because it will play the longest. Not loud but where I can hear it.  It didn't take everything away but I did find comfort.  I am praying for you. Please let me know how you are doing. 

.025 Xanax 3 x daily  Start date 10-13-2013 through 8-13-2014.  Started tapering 6-2014 to 8-2014.  Some small discomfort. 25 mg Zoloft - Start date 5-1-2014.  50mg. 6-2014.  through 7-14-2014 .  Started tapering  7-14-2014, stopped tapering 10-2014.  I did 1/4 of the dose a month.  small discomfort.  These next 3 were prescribed when I made some seriously bad choices with my thyroid medication.  Was in ER twice for possible heart attack.  INTENSE anxiety, panic, fear.   Lost 30 pounds in 2 weeks.  Thyroid levels bounced to extremes for 8 months. Dr. prescribed Zoloft 50mg  9-2105.  After 2 doses had a bad reaction passed out in my bedroom. Also prescribed Xanax .025  at the same time. 3 times daily, 4 if needed.  Was only on it about 2 weeks.  Was not working.  Trip ER they gave me an Ativan IV and it worked and lasted.  switched to Ativan. 9-24-2016. 1.5 mg Ativan - .5 mg  three x daily -start date 9/24/16.  Attempted taper start 12-16-2016. Was shaving Pills and alternating tapering AM, PM and midday dose weekly.  Buspar .5mg  -2.5mg. am and 2. 5mg. pm start date 9-26-2016 .  Lexapro .10mg  start date  - 10-26-2016. Found SA and began 10/14/2017 tapering .001 gm every 4 days Held longer if there were was WD.    Was very sensitive to Ativan. 3-15-2018 Off midday dose - 7-16-2018 Off PM dose - OFF ATIVAN! 11-17-2018 10 mg. Lexapro. PM - 5 mg start date 10/11/2016 increased to 10 mg 2/2/17. 1-1-2019 Began tapering Lexapro.  .001 gm every 4 days.  Held longer if there was WD.  Last doses some I held a month.  OFF LEXAPRO! 2-21 2021 5 mg. Buspar  divided into two, 2.5 mg doses AM and PM- Start date 9/26/2016 Cold turkey on Dr. direction, PM does.  Reinstated PM dose 9-22 N.P. Desiccated Thyroid.  12-22-17 reduced  from  75 mg. to 67.5 daily,  dose now 60 mg a day. Bioidentical hormones. Bi-est/Prog cream, 1/4 tsp.  1 time daily

My intro: Moonpie:. Need help and supporting tapering off of Ativan

My benzo thread: Moonpie: Need help Ativan weight tapering

 

Link to post
Moonpie

@SolidmiseryonAD  How are you doing?  Very concerned about you and have been praying for you.

.025 Xanax 3 x daily  Start date 10-13-2013 through 8-13-2014.  Started tapering 6-2014 to 8-2014.  Some small discomfort. 25 mg Zoloft - Start date 5-1-2014.  50mg. 6-2014.  through 7-14-2014 .  Started tapering  7-14-2014, stopped tapering 10-2014.  I did 1/4 of the dose a month.  small discomfort.  These next 3 were prescribed when I made some seriously bad choices with my thyroid medication.  Was in ER twice for possible heart attack.  INTENSE anxiety, panic, fear.   Lost 30 pounds in 2 weeks.  Thyroid levels bounced to extremes for 8 months. Dr. prescribed Zoloft 50mg  9-2105.  After 2 doses had a bad reaction passed out in my bedroom. Also prescribed Xanax .025  at the same time. 3 times daily, 4 if needed.  Was only on it about 2 weeks.  Was not working.  Trip ER they gave me an Ativan IV and it worked and lasted.  switched to Ativan. 9-24-2016. 1.5 mg Ativan - .5 mg  three x daily -start date 9/24/16.  Attempted taper start 12-16-2016. Was shaving Pills and alternating tapering AM, PM and midday dose weekly.  Buspar .5mg  -2.5mg. am and 2. 5mg. pm start date 9-26-2016 .  Lexapro .10mg  start date  - 10-26-2016. Found SA and began 10/14/2017 tapering .001 gm every 4 days Held longer if there were was WD.    Was very sensitive to Ativan. 3-15-2018 Off midday dose - 7-16-2018 Off PM dose - OFF ATIVAN! 11-17-2018 10 mg. Lexapro. PM - 5 mg start date 10/11/2016 increased to 10 mg 2/2/17. 1-1-2019 Began tapering Lexapro.  .001 gm every 4 days.  Held longer if there was WD.  Last doses some I held a month.  OFF LEXAPRO! 2-21 2021 5 mg. Buspar  divided into two, 2.5 mg doses AM and PM- Start date 9/26/2016 Cold turkey on Dr. direction, PM does.  Reinstated PM dose 9-22 N.P. Desiccated Thyroid.  12-22-17 reduced  from  75 mg. to 67.5 daily,  dose now 60 mg a day. Bioidentical hormones. Bi-est/Prog cream, 1/4 tsp.  1 time daily

My intro: Moonpie:. Need help and supporting tapering off of Ativan

My benzo thread: Moonpie: Need help Ativan weight tapering

 

Link to post
SolidmiseryonAD

Moonpie,

Thanks for you help! 

Here's what's been going on with me so far.  

I went down to 39.9 mg and when crazy with withdrawal symptoms. My husband told me to go up in dose to my last dose which was 42.1 mg, which I did but not before I eat a half gallon of ice cream, a Mighty Fine burger, fries and drink and a large bag of popcorn.  I believe my serotonin was low and I was self-medicating with carbs to get it up.  I know Bupropion affect dopamine but, I believe my serotonin was affect as well.  Also, the foods were all processed, full of MSG and other chemicals and high in histamines. All bad for people tapering off of ADs. 

If anyone doesn't believe in 'hell' that person never experienced antidepressant withdrawal.  

 

I'm currently at 42.1 mg and after spending two days in bed with a 'wish-i-was-dead' headache, I recovered only after taking Metoclopramide and Ibuprofen.  My emotions are stable now.  

 

Looking back on it, I think I tapered too quickly. 

June 11 I was at 43.8 mg. 

June 25 I was at 42.48 mg. 

July 16 I was down to 39.9 mg. 

July 19 I went back up to 42.48 mg. 

 

I'm going to stay here for about a month.  

 

I'm to the point, I'm tried of tapering.  I have been tapering for three years - for the past three years I have not felt well - only for a few hours maybe in a rare occasion.  I want off already!  I believe I have another two years to go. 

 

I wish I never went on antidepressants.  

 

As I recalled the 'hell' I went through - I remember a childhood incident.  When I was a child, my grandmother past away.  She was the enabler of my evil uncle who molested my cousin way back before I was born.  Long story.   Well, anyways, my mother wanted my uncle to stay with us.  He was disabled and was collecting $$$$$.  I remember after a few months, I got depressed and I stopped eating.  When my mother took me to the doctor, after the doctor talked to me alone, my mother had to move her brother out of the house or else the doctor was going to call child services.  I remember my parents belly aching, lamenting the loss of all the $$$$ they were collecting from my crazy a** uncle.  They weren't worried about their two young daughters.  

The doctor also placed me on a liquid antidepressant.  My father said it was because I was 'nervous'.  After I was feeling better, my father cold turkeyed me off the meds.  I started to cry and I remember feeling bad like I did during this last time a few days ago.  Every since then I had a problem with emotional spirals.  

 

I realize I was a victim twice over and now I am a cash cow slave to Big Pharma.  I want to get off this demon even if its the last thing that I do in my life!  

 

Thank you for the comfort you gave me when I didn't have anyone.  My husband and step daughter left on vacation and I was alone.  Thanks so much for helping me.  

 

I am wondering if other people have flashbacks when they taper and are having severe withdrawal symptoms?  I'm beginning to put two and two together as to why I got on antidepressants in the first place.  

1995 - 1997: Xanax 

1997 - 1999: Slow taper off of Xanax

1999 - 2018: Bupropion (75-mg, 100-mg, 150-mg and 300-mg)

2018: In November I started tapering off Bupropion, initial dosage at start of taper was 300-mg per day.  Taper schedule was 5% decrease from pervious dosage - using solid and liquid forms of Bupropion.

2021: As of 3/17 I'm at 60-mg Bupropion per day going down to 56-mg.  Slow and steady, slow and steady and stable....

 

 

 

Link to post

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy