Horns85: Lexapro withdrawal

[LoveandLight]

Thank you for the recommendation,,

[Horns85]

I am just about through month 11. Though I have had a few windows here and there when symptoms did decrease, my non-window days seem to be getting worse. Less sleep, more anxiety, lower mood and DP/DR more severe. I do handle all these things better, but damn its frustrating and disheartening. I have had good days, I know the old me is in there, but its tough when months pass and things seem to get worse. 

 

Hope others are doing well! Sorry to be a downer today!

[LoveandLight]

So sorry..but yes your still there..

 

Do not worry about being a downer this is your thread!

[Horns85]

Thanks, Love.

 

Rough day today.

[DaddyCee]

Hi Horns85, just to say that it was around 14 months that I started to notice remarkable improvement.  So hang in there, times will get BETTER!!

[Horns85]

Hi Horns85, just to say that it was around 14 months that I started to notice remarkable improvement. So hang in there, times will get BETTER!!

Thanks, Daddycee!

 

When did your symptoms really ramp up? I was ok months 1-6 and then month 7 is when my CNS collapsed.

 

I guess I ask because I wonder if I should really start counting from month 7? I don't know! No one does!

 

Thanks for the positive note! Hope you are doing well.

[When91]

the same thing happened to me , 1-6 months, symptoms were weak , but after six months worsened wave after wave.

Today is the birthday of one year of withdrawal from lexapro and can not do almost anything , I've got the same vitality of an elderly 80 years.

[Horns85]

the same thing happened to me , 1-6 months, symptoms were weak , but after six months worsened wave after wave.

Today is the birthday of one year of withdrawal from lexapro and can not do almost anything , I've got the same vitality of an elderly 80 years.

Yikes, When. Hopefully we will both get better soon.

[DaddyCee]

Hi, I would say that I started to see a continuing improvement around the 14 - 16 month mark.  So definitely hang on in there.

 

Have a super weekend!!

 

DC.

[DaddyCee]

 

Hi Horns85, just to say that it was around 14 months that I started to notice remarkable improvement. So hang in there, times will get BETTER!!

Thanks, Daddycee!

 

When did your symptoms really ramp up? I was ok months 1-6 and then month 7 is when my CNS collapsed.

 

I guess I ask because I wonder if I should really start counting from month 7? I don't know! No one does!

 

Thanks for the positive note! Hope you are doing well.

 

 

I found month 2 to 10 really harsh and then again at month 13.  I'm not going to sugar coat things, it's not plain sailing even at 23 months (anniversary in a few days). But it is better and getting better.  I don't handle the darker seasons very well so I am expecting a dip in a couple of months, though saying that I don't want to get in to a "self fulfilling prophecy".

[Horns85]

 

 

Hi Horns85, just to say that it was around 14 months that I started to notice remarkable improvement. So hang in there, times will get BETTER!!

Thanks, Daddycee!

 

When did your symptoms really ramp up? I was ok months 1-6 and then month 7 is when my CNS collapsed.

 

I guess I ask because I wonder if I should really start counting from month 7? I don't know! No one does!

 

Thanks for the positive note! Hope you are doing well.

I found month 2 to 10 really harsh and then again at month 13. I'm not going to sugar coat things, it's not plain sailing even at 23 months (anniversary in a few days). But it is better and getting better. I don't handle the darker seasons very well so I am expecting a dip in a couple of months, though saying that I don't want to get in to a "self fulfilling prophecy".

Thanks, Daddycee!

 

Hopefully you won't feel that dip! Thanks for the encouragement.

Have a great weekend!

[Horns85]

Is reinstatement at 11 months out a terrible idea? I feel like I have read enough on here to not go that route this far out.

 

I will give it at least another week to see if this wave passes but curious what some of you might think.

[LexAnger]

Please don't!

Is it that bad you are even thinking about it? Reinstate is a totally different animal and can rock the whole world in a completely different level.

[Horns85]

Please don't!

Is it that bad you are even thinking about it? Reinstate is a totally different animal and can rock the whole world in a completely different level.

Thanks LexAnger,

 

It's pretty bad right now. I think part of it is I'm going to have my second baby here in a couple weeks and I'm terrified of feeling this way when she comes, thus making this wave worse.

 

Yes it crosses my mind, I don't think I ever would.

[Sean]

Hey Horns, your journey sounds so much like mine that it's almost like reading my life story for the past couple of years. My wife and I were expecting our first baby this time last year, and it definitely made things feel worse for me. I felt like if I couldnt even take care of myself, how would I take care of this little guy that is on his way? No lie, I was scared out of my mind. I'm thankful my wife is as strong as she is...dont know how I would have made it without her.

 

I will say that I was 10 months out of WD when I re-instated. For those 10 months, I had no idea what was wrong with me though...at first I thought it was an inner ear issue (from the dizziness/vertigo), then once things got worse with the emotions and all the other symptoms, I finally figured it out on my own more or less. I was scared and didnt know what to do, so I made the personal decision to ask to be put back on lexapro 10mg (my original dosage.) I felt way worse at first...then the dosage got dropped down to 5mg and I felt "okay." As time passed, I continued to have symptoms but the extreme anxiety/depression eased up. I started seeing a psychiatrist and she put me on Celexa 10mg in March of this year. So after 5 months or so, I feel better but still have light headedness and really bad headaches. My anxiety comes more from wondering if I'm going to get a migraine/headache that day. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me, but I can definitely see the old me coming back. I've always had a twisted sense of humor and had the ability to laugh at most things...but I've become really serious quite a bit. I think our little baby boy has been the best blessing out of all of this...every day I push harder for him. I refuse to let him grow up with a dad that has mentally checked out...I just refuse to. I still have bad days, but I do feel better than I did after being 10 months in WD. So it does get better!

[Horns85]

Hey Horns, your journey sounds so much like mine that it's almost like reading my life story for the past couple of years. My wife and I were expecting our first baby this time last year, and it definitely made things feel worse for me. I felt like if I couldnt even take care of myself, how would I take care of this little guy that is on his way? No lie, I was scared out of my mind. I'm thankful my wife is as strong as she is...dont know how I would have made it without her.

 

I will say that I was 10 months out of WD when I re-instated. For those 10 months, I had no idea what was wrong with me though...at first I thought it was an inner ear issue (from the dizziness/vertigo), then once things got worse with the emotions and all the other symptoms, I finally figured it out on my own more or less. I was scared and didnt know what to do, so I made the personal decision to ask to be put back on lexapro 10mg (my original dosage.) I felt way worse at first...then the dosage got dropped down to 5mg and I felt "okay." As time passed, I continued to have symptoms but the extreme anxiety/depression eased up. I started seeing a psychiatrist and she put me on Celexa 10mg in March of this year. So after 5 months or so, I feel better but still have light headedness and really bad headaches. My anxiety comes more from wondering if I'm going to get a migraine/headache that day. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me, but I can definitely see the old me coming back. I've always had a twisted sense of humor and had the ability to laugh at most things...but I've become really serious quite a bit. I think our little baby boy has been the best blessing out of all of this...every day I push harder for him. I refuse to let him grow up with a dad that has mentally checked out...I just refuse to. I still have bad days, but I do feel better than I did after being 10 months in WD. So it does get better!

Thanks Sean! I'm glad you are feeling better.

 

I'm going to stick it out for a while and see what happened. I'm terrified of making things worse for myself.

 

Thanks for reaching out to me!

[When91]

I'm a new symptom: some contractions in the left chest, and sometimes a bit of difficulty in respiration.

[Horns85]

I'm a new symptom: some contractions in the left chest, and sometimes a bit of difficulty in respiration.

I get this occasionally. It does come and go.

[clearday]

Is reinstatement at 11 months out a terrible idea? I feel like I have read enough on here to not go that route this far out.

 

I will give it at least another week to see if this wave passes but curious what some of you might think.

 

I'm at the 19 month mark since my last dose of Lexapro.

 

I've thought about reinstating a few times during the last eight months.

 

It was always during a bad wave that I thought about reinstating.

 

I'm so glad that I never reinstated.

 

I can't imagine the confusion that would cause me, going back on Lexapro.

 

Actually, I can imagine the confusion. There are a lot of threads on here that show how bad a reinstatement can go this far out. 

 

I would only reinstate this far out if I plan to stay on this drug for life. Or if I wanted to go through this brutal withdrawal process again.

 

Reinstating is good for some people. but for me it is not a route I want to take, I can only speak for myself.

 

I just had one of my worst waves last week, at 19 months off this drug. It scared me.

 

But it is part of the recovery process, difficult waves can hit up to two years off. And even later than that in the worst cases, I suppose.

 

I continue to have improvements despite the worsenings. The symptoms continue to morph after each wave.

 

It is scary when it seems to get worse, but from recovery stories I have read, it is part of the process of healing.

 

It is a brutal, long lasting, confusing recovery process.

 

I hope you get some relief soon - 

[Horns85]

 

Is reinstatement at 11 months out a terrible idea? I feel like I have read enough on here to not go that route this far out.

 

I will give it at least another week to see if this wave passes but curious what some of you might think.

I'm at the 19 month mark since my last dose of Lexapro.

 

I've thought about reinstating a few times during the last eight months.

 

It was always during a bad wave that I thought about reinstating.

 

I'm so glad that I never reinstated.

 

I can't imagine the confusion that would cause me, going back on Lexapro.

 

Actually, I can imagine the confusion. There are a lot of threads on here that show how bad a reinstatement can go this far out.

 

I would only reinstate this far out if I plan to stay on this drug for life. Or if I wanted to go through this brutal withdrawal process again.

 

Reinstating is good for some people. but for me it is not a route I want to take, I can only speak for myself.

 

I just had one of my worst waves last week, at 19 months off this drug. It scared me.

 

But it is part of the recovery process, difficult waves can hit up to two years off. And even later than that in the worst cases, I suppose.

 

I continue to have improvements despite the worsenings. The symptoms continue to morph after each wave.

 

It is scary when it seems to get worse, but from recovery stories I have read, it is part of the process of healing.

 

It is a brutal, long lasting, confusing recovery process.

 

I hope you get some relief soon -

Thanks, Clearday.

 

The DP/DR has been constant now for 3 months, though it varies in intensity, I always feel like I'm looking through a glass window. Then I got hit with terrible akathisia last week. I had not experienced it in this severity before and it got worse after every meal I ate.

 

Sitting at work on the couch was torture. It scared me for sure. But, as you put, despite the DP/DR, the symptoms are always changing.

 

I'm just not entering my 12th month. Still early in the process I suppose.

 

Just waiting for that window that lasts longer than a day. It will come!

 

Sorry to hear you having hard times at your stage. Seems to be a normal occurnace though.

 

Thank you for the kind words!

[Horns85]

Will taking a 1/2 dose of a benzo mess up any progress I have made?

 

I ask because my wife and I just had our second baby, I am getting no sleep and my anxiety about sleep is through the roof. Constant cortisol mornings and evenings now!

 

I know I can take the benzo and not take it again for a week or so if I had too. It's more about knowing I have it and it works if I need it...

 

I'm desperate, magnesium sort of works but not really.

 

Any thoughts?

[LoveandLight]

This is just me but I take the very occasional .5mg of Diaz/Valium just for very very occasional relief..think that's only..only a problem when it's regular. I.e every day or second day for more than a week I think..

[Horns85]

Thanks, L&L.

[Horns85]

Well I took .5mg of Klonopin. I remember now from early on in WD I took it once and it didn't work. It's not working now either.

 

Why is it that they no longer work once in WD?

 

I used to take them sporadically when getting on Lexapro and they were a miracle to help sleep and with anxiety.

[LoveandLight]

Magnesium can you take that?

[Horns85]

Does anyone find that their akathisia is aggravated by stress? I know almost all my symptoms are but the inner restless feeling/inability to sit is really magnified during stressful periods which induce waves!

[ikam]

I don't have akathisia, but stress aggravates any of my symptoms...at present struggling with physical pain...

[Horns85]

Yeah Ikam. It sucks. Can't sit still to save my life. I always want to call it anxiety but my brain is calm. It's all physical and I can't relax.

[Horns85]

Has anyone times during waves when absolutely anything you anxious or jittery? I've had this for about a week now and it's awful. Even the most basic bland meals set off a severely agitated/anxious state?

[clearday]

Will taking a 1/2 dose of a benzo mess up any progress I have made?

 

I've taken very small amounts of Xanax (less than .25 mg, usually .125 mg) occasionally during recovery, before bed to help me sleep. 

 

I don't experienced any negative effects from the Xanax. It usually helps to settle things down for a while during bad times.

 

Many other people report the same.

 

But taking larger doses and becoming dependent on benzos is asking for trouble.

[clearday]

Even the most basic bland meals set off a severely agitated/anxious state?

 

A bland meal could easily set off anyone into an agitated state.....

 

But seriously, sounds like part of the akathisia, and will probably pass....

[Horns85]

 

Will taking a 1/2 dose of a benzo mess up any progress I have made?

I've taken very small amounts of Xanax (less than .25 mg, usually .125 mg) occasionally during recovery, before bed to help me sleep.

 

I don't experienced any negative effects from the Xanax. It usually helps to settle things down for a while during bad times.

 

Many other people report the same.

 

But taking larger doses and becoming dependent on benzos is asking for trouble.

Thanks, Clearday!

 

I took .5mg of Klonopin and while i thought originally it wasn't working, it knocked me out and I got some sound sleep.

 

I took it maybe 2 or 3 times early in WD and it did nothing.

I could have taken .25mg and been good.

 

Anyway, hopefully I won't have to take it again, at least for a while because I DO NOT want to get on that train! I won't!

[Horns85]

Man, having another day considering reinstatement. I'll be off 1 year on Oct. 1st. Symptoms did not really ramp up until month 7/8ish. I would give anything to have the symptoms I had month 1-6.

 

Has anyone had success with reinstatement in Month 12?

I have gotten steadily worse since month 8.

I just had a new baby and I'm terrified I'll never get out of this anxiety/depression/anhedonia state.

 

Not being present for your children is awful and I try soooo hard to be present but WD just takes it of you. Especially with DR and anxiety.

 

Any thoughts?

[LexAnger]

So sorry Horns85! This is a really taugh call as it seems very individually based. My worst hell was brought up by increasing lex dose to 4.5 after one yr holding at 2.7. If I were given another chance to redo it, I would start with a much smaller amount, and approach so carefully by tiny further increase if needed and stop at the most appropriate dose. I know someone here reinstated to 2.5 after a few months CT and was hit so badly 360 degree and also saw one got stabilized after increasing dose from 2.5 to 5.

 

It you really want to try, i would think the best strategy is to start a very low dose like 0.5mg or even less then gradually adjust per your feeling. This will avoid risk of huge changes either you need to go up or down.

 

A complete try and error like we have to deal in all other areas.

[Horns85]

So sorry Horns85! This is a really taugh call as it seems very individually based. My worst hell was brought up by increasing lex dose to 4.5 after one yr holding at 2.7. If I were given another chance to redo it, I would start with a much smaller amount, and approach so carefully by tiny further increase if needed and stop at the most appropriate dose. I know someone here reinstated to 2.5 after a few months CT and was hit so badly 360 degree and also saw one got stabilized after increasing dose from 2.5 to 5.

 

It you really want to try, i would think the best strategy is to start a very low dose like 0.5mg or even less then gradually adjust per your feeling. This will avoid risk of huge changes either you need to go up or down.

 

A complete try and error like we have to deal in all other areas.

Thanks, LexAnger.

 

I'm so torn. I don't want to do it! If I knew I would slowly get better, obviously I wouldn't even consider. I'm just terrified of getting to 18 months and getting worse and then I'm really out of luck.

 

If it was just me and wife, I'd tough it out. With the kids, it just kills me to be so checked out, no matter how hard I try not to be.

 

I just don't know. I know the lack of sleep right now is affecting me. I'm so torn.

[LexAnger]

I know how you are feeling in all different areas! I always feel guilty about my son even he is grown up.

This whole thing is simply so heart broken. I believe you will make the best decision to be eventually well enough to provide the best support to your family and kid.

 

Sending prayer to you,