SelmaLady: How do I do this?

[SelmaLady]

Just now, SelmaLady said:

I have been taking the Zoloft at 9am and the Doxepin at 8pm.  This adverse reaction started mildly the first of the year and escalated to intense akathisia about April 14th.  I tried to take it yesterday at a reduced level (10% reduction to about 18.5 mg) and this morning the akathisia has increased to such a point that I have spent most of the morning screaming.  No one could endure the extent of this.  My husband is with me constantly otherwise I don't know how I could last throughout this day.  I have no choice but to stop. 

@Altostrata The Doxepin is at approx 19 mg.

[Altostrata]

Quote

 

12/21/21  Doxepin 20 mg ?  Reducing using water micro taper--Pulling 24ml from 75ml

12/2121   Zoloft .060 grams by weight--HOLDING (info from post added by CC: On 12/21/21 my dosage was .060grams by weight or 20mg. )

 

 

What drug changes did you make in late December?

 

On 4/17/2022 at 11:53 PM, Altostrata said:

Have you skipped any doses of either drug since November or taken them off-schedule?

 

For the third time, please answer this question.

[SelmaLady]

23 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

What drug changes did you make in late December?

 

 

For the third time, please answer this question.

I'm so sorry that I haven't answered your question but I have been very, very bad.  I made no drug changes in late December.  I was taking only the Zoloft at the same dose of 20mg and Doxepin at 20mg--I didn't reduce the Doxepin since I broke my arm and had to take the opioids.  I had been on the same dosage of Zoloft for a long time hoping to get off the Doxepin first. 

[Altostrata]

On 4/27/2022 at 3:08 PM, SelmaLady said:

I have been taking the Zoloft at 9am and the Doxepin at 8pm.  This adverse reaction started mildly the first of the year and escalated to intense akathisia about April 14th.  I tried to take it yesterday at a reduced level (10% reduction to about 18.5 mg) and this morning the akathisia has increased to such a point that I have spent most of the morning screaming. 

 

What drug did you reduce on April 26?

 

This is sounding like withdrawal symptoms from whatever drug you're reducing. Please keep daily notes of times of day you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms throughout the day. Post 24 hours of notes at a time in this topic, in a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom or drug and dosage) on the right. This can show if your symptoms are adverse effects from one of your drugs.

[SelmaLady]

9 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

What drug did you reduce on April 26?

 

This is sounding like withdrawal symptoms from whatever drug you're reducing. Please keep daily notes of times of day you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms throughout the day. Post 24 hours of notes at a time in this topic, in a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom or drug and dosage) on the right. This can show if your symptoms are adverse effects from one of your drugs.

SelmaLady (member name used instead of real name) stopped and reinstated(24hrs later) Zoloft and you could clearly see it was like poison going into her system...The Zoloft appears to cause and amplify symptoms with no relief and greatly amplified pain....It was horrible..And since December symptoms gradually showed up moving in a bad direction...Her body has completely rejected Zoloft..And I am well aware that stopping Zoloft is a terrible thing to do.  But you were right when you said if the symptoms are that bad..Jump off and take your chances...  Gary

 

Edited April 30, 2022 by ChessieCat
changed to member name

[Pollyjay]

Gary, I'm so sorry to read that SelmaLady is going through such a terrible time. Please tell her that she remains in my thoughts.  Something she once wrote on here - I think it was in the self help section - really helped me a lot when I was having a particularly bad day. 

 

She will remain in my frequent prayers. I hope she begins to feel and see some improvement soon. 

 

Pollyjay

 

Edited April 30, 2022 by ChessieCat
changed to member name

[ChessieCat]

8 hours ago, SelmaLady said:

SelmaLady (member name used instead of real name)

 

Gary please use SelmaLady's member name.  Thank you.

 

Q:  Gary, have any of the recent posts been made by you?  If yes, please quote them so that we know which posts you made and who we are "talking" with otherwise it gets very confusing.  Thank you.

[SelmaLady]

22 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Gary please use SelmaLady's member name.  Thank you.

 

Q:  Gary, have any of the recent posts been made by you?  If yes, please quote them so that we know which posts you made and who we are "talking" with otherwise it gets very confusing.  Thank you.

The only post from Gary is the one above.  I had posted a long history of what has been happening and asked him to give his perspective so that there would be something besides a subjective narrative.

[SelmaLady]

3 minutes ago, SelmaLady said:

The only post from Gary is the one above.  I had posted a long history of what has been happening and asked him to give his perspective so that there would be something besides a subjective narrative.

Could you please change my signature to reflect my Zoloft at -0- as of 4/26/2022

[SelmaLady]

1. I'm sorry to keep posting as an answer to a posted topic but I don't know how to start a new post.     I so badly need hope.  The worst of the toxic reaction has subsided but the DR/DP continues to deepen until my brain is locked into an ever darkening place of an LSD experience.  And now the body akathisia is coming back and I just don't see anything here that gives hope for recovery from that.   Mental akathisia is horrific, I know.  But body akathisia is torment that truly is not endurable and so want to be able to survive.  I don't see any help for this ---  I'm so sorry to be so needy.

[Altostrata]

We want you to continue posting in this topic, so we can see what happened before.

 

You've been off Zoloft for 11 days. How has your symptom  pattern changed in the last 4 days?

 

Are you feeling better or worse now that you've quit Zoloft?

 

On 5/4/2022 at 7:36 PM, SelmaLady said:

the DR/DP continues to deepen until my brain is locked into an ever darkening place of an LSD experience.

 

What does this mean? Do you have a history of taking LSD?

 

How do you feel what you're calling akathisia? Is it better or worse at any particular times of day?

 

What is your current daily drug schedule, with dosages?

[Altostrata]

On 4/30/2022 at 2:30 PM, Altostrata said:

Please keep daily notes of times of day you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms throughout the day. Post 24 hours of notes at a time in this topic, in a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom or drug and dosage) on the right. This can show if your symptoms are adverse effects from one of your drugs.

 

In the 38 pages of this topic, how often have we requested this?

[SelmaLady]

5 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

In the 38 pages of this topic, how often have we requested this?

I am so sorry that I haven't been able to post what you're wanting here.  Unless you're wanting me to do that now?  I couldn't post what my day was like on an hourly basis when I was so desperately ill.  I was pacing and screaming.  I think I've posted my reactions to taking the Zoloft further up on this thread.  The Doxepin that I take at night doesn't seem to have any particular reaction.   Would you like me to post a 24 hour day now?  I can start with the last 24 hours:

 

2:00pm  Unbearable brain pressure, feelings as tho my whole brain is going to fly apart.  Screaming and running around and around in my bedroom, pulling on hair.  

 

2:30pm  Feeling subsides some and continue to pace.

 

4:00pm  Try to sit on porch outside but cannot sit still.

 

6:00pm  Akathisia subsiding some an am able to sit and watch some TV tho very hard due to DR.  TV screen looks strange and people are viewed as tho thru a lens of too much color and not able to "connect" with what's going on except for cooking shows for some reason.

 

7:00pm  Body and mind continue to calm and able to eat dinner and sit in chair comfortably.

 

8:00pm  Take 20mg Doxepin

 

9:00pm  Go to bed and have no trouble falling asleep and sleep well through the night.

 

5:00am  Woke to intense akathisia after a quiet sleep without any akathisia though with the 24/7 ever increasing DR/DP

 

7:00am  Pacing continues.  Went to nursery store to try to distract and the DR/DP dropped another rung into even less reality.  When I say it's like an LSD experience, I did try LSD once in 1970 and never did that again.  I'm only trying to explain what I'm experiencing in some sort of analogy.  It you have not experienced intense DR aside from DP (of which I have both), it's just nearly impossible to describe it.  I have also likened it to a dream state that you cannot wake from.

 

7:30am Rode in car my husband drives(--he is constantly with me) for awhile and stopped for drive thru breakfast.  Unreality increases.  Trying not to panic.  Akathisia during entire time. 

 

8:00am home and pacing.  Tried to sit outside with husband while he did some yard work but akathisia wouldn't allow it. 

 

1:00pm  Aka beginning to ramp up like it usually does at this time.  Unbearable.  

 

 

[SelmaLady]

5 hours ago, Altostrata said:

We want you to continue posting in this topic, so we can see what happened before.

 

You've been off Zoloft for 11 days. How has your symptom  pattern changed in the last 4 days?

 

Are you feeling better or worse now that you've quit Zoloft?

 

 

What does this mean? Do you have a history of taking LSD?

 

How do you feel what you're calling akathisia? Is it better or worse at any particular times of day?

 

What is your current daily drug schedule, with dosages?

When I first stopped the Zoloft, I was in a lot of intense anxiety and the akathisia was intense.  This slowly eased until on day 6 I had no akathisia tho the DR/DP continued to worsen.  These last 4 days the intensity of the akathisia continues to worsen and the DR/DP has gone to a level I have never experienced and I have had some sort of DR/DP since I c/t'd Valium in 1981-- I recovered to where it was very light and really didn't affect my life at all.     Akathisia:  A buzzing type of electrical current that forces you to move and your thots and feelings are racing with feelings of total loss of control of your brain.  SI is very strong.  This description does not really give a true picture of the torment that this is.  It's a source of desperation to STOP what you are living in.  The intensity is always the strongest in the afternoon between 1:00pm and 5:00pm but I 've also had it peak in the early morning when I was taking the Zoloft.  Right now at 2:00pm I am at peak aka and am sobbing and pacing (writing this it torture) and the SI is so strong.  

 

I take the Doxepin at 8pm -- that's my ONLY drug.

 

I've gone over your questions and I think I've answered them all. 

[Altostrata]

Not sure what I can say. You knew the risk of withdrawal when you decided to go off 20mg Zoloft; you chose to cope with that rather than to continue experiencing what you believed were adverse effects of the drug. Did those adverse effects go away?

 

[SelmaLady]

Yes, as far as the extreme aka for a couple of weeks.   I am now going through a horrible w/d which I knew would happen but as I've tried to explain before, every day that I took the zoloft, the aka  grew worse and worse each day, peaking at 4 hours after each dose of it.  It started slowly and just kept building.  Each day was worse than the previous one.  I had no choice---why would I have been experiencing that if it were not a toxic reaction.  I have taken Zoloft for 30 years and NEVER had that happen to me.  Because I had fallen and broken my arm in Nov., I thot in the beginning that it was just an uptick of my w/d's from a few years ago.   So I hung on hoping it would settle down.  But it kept increasing and as I said, always after I had taken the Zoloft. 

 

My wife is in agony over the choice....No one wants to cold turkey Z...We tried twice to go back on....The reaction was immediate and each time twice as bad....While on the drug, she continued to degrade rapidly anyway....We tried 10% reduction, we tried 20% reduction, and every thing was really not livable...We tried and tried.....There was no good choice here.....

[Altostrata]

I'm sorry, I don't know of any easy way to resolve withdrawal symptoms. She'll have to be patient and get through it.

[Lauren90]

On 5/12/2022 at 5:05 AM, SelmaLady said:

Yes, as far as the extreme aka for a couple of weeks.   I am now going through a horrible w/d which I knew would happen but as I've tried to explain before, every day that I took the zoloft, the aka  grew worse and worse each day, peaking at 4 hours after each dose of it.  It started slowly and just kept building.  Each day was worse than the previous one.  I had no choice---why would I have been experiencing that if it were not a toxic reaction.  I have taken Zoloft for 30 years and NEVER had that happen to me.  Because I had fallen and broken my arm in Nov., I thot in the beginning that it was just an uptick of my w/d's from a few years ago.   So I hung on hoping it would settle down.  But it kept increasing and as I said, always after I had taken the Zoloft. 

 

My wife is in agony over the choice....No one wants to cold turkey Z...We tried twice to go back on....The reaction was immediate and each time twice as bad....While on the drug, she continued to degrade rapidly anyway....We tried 10% reduction, we tried 20% reduction, and every thing was really not livable...We tried and tried.....There was no good choice here.....

How are you doing @SelmaLady?

[SelmaLady]

I am continuing to worsen but I knew that I would happen.  My akathisia is continual and intense and the DR/DP has deepened.  I am still able to sleep for which I am grateful.  Thank you so much for asking.

[Lauren90]

On 5/24/2022 at 6:00 AM, SelmaLady said:

I am continuing to worsen but I knew that I would happen.  My akathisia is continual and intense and the DR/DP has deepened.  I am still able to sleep for which I am grateful.  Thank you so much for asking.

Hello! Just popping in to say I am thinking of you. Are you holding up? Starting to stabilize or at least not getting any worse? 

[SelmaLady]

It seems that I have come into the deep withdrawal that I had been expecting and I am very symptomatic with deepening of the DR/DP, body akathisia (pacing and begging to be released) and this morning the air hunger and nausea.  May I be a horrific example to all who think it's ok to stay on Zoloft.  I never expected to have to cold turkey 30 years of taking it.  I see that you are tapering---blessings to you as you extricate yourself from this chemical.  Thank you for checking in.   It's so important that we watch over one another.

[RachelSusan]

@SelmaLady

 

I saw your thread and wanted to send you support.  It sounds like you are going through h@ll.  I too went through the agony of getting off Zoloft.  I was very symptomatic and it was excruciating. Thank goodness I made it off. I am rooting for you.  If I can be of any support I am here for you.

 

Rachel

[SelmaLady]

Thank you so much for your offer of support.   I have been following your thread for a long time and am so glad that you were able to complete your taper.   I am in a place of complete torture and it deepens continually.  If you know my history, I had a very bad reaction to a nasal spray which eventually took  me 4 years to recover from.  My worst symptom and the one that led me to overdose was/is akathisia--pacing and body agony and racing thots with horrible SI.  It came on this time as an adverse reaction to the Zoloft and it continues now that I'm off.   Do you know of anyone who had this type of experience with akathisia and went on to recover?  I did look at Success Stories but I didn't find anyone there who had my experience.  I know there are some who had mental akathisia, Muddles being one, but no one with body akathisia and they are different.  Is there somewhere you can refer me to for encouragement ?  I am terrified that this will not resolve.  Thank you so very much for your help and encouragement.  

[RachelSusan]

@SelmaLady

 

Hi Selma Lady,

I know there were some people here on SA that have had akathisia, but I can't remember who. I did have intense body tremors for a long time, in fact there were one of the last things to clear up.  I have recovered from them completely.

 

Withdrawal truly is one of the worst things I have gone through in my life.  I never thought it would end, but for me it did.  I hope the same for you.

 

[Lauren90]

On 6/11/2022 at 11:50 AM, SelmaLady said:

Thank you so much for your offer of support.   I have been following your thread for a long time and am so glad that you were able to complete your taper.   I am in a place of complete torture and it deepens continually.  If you know my history, I had a very bad reaction to a nasal spray which eventually took  me 4 years to recover from.  My worst symptom and the one that led me to overdose was/is akathisia--pacing and body agony and racing thots with horrible SI.  It came on this time as an adverse reaction to the Zoloft and it continues now that I'm off.   Do you know of anyone who had this type of experience with akathisia and went on to recover?  I did look at Success Stories but I didn't find anyone there who had my experience.  I know there are some who had mental akathisia, Muddles being one, but no one with body akathisia and they are different.  Is there somewhere you can refer me to for encouragement ?  I am terrified that this will not resolve.  Thank you so very much for your help and encouragement.  

There is a therapist named Chris Paige who went off of medication, although his experience was with Klonopin, and dealt with a severe form. He was tortured by physical akathisia for years, but has since recovered. So there is hope. I came across someone on Reddit who had the same problem. He said for 9 months he was at a 9-10 (10 being most intense) but now is only at a 2-3. In both cases time was the ultimate healer. 

[SelmaLady]

Thank you so much Lauren.  I do know about Chris Paige.  He was  struggling with akathisia when I was recovering in 2015.  He really suffered, I know.  Such a blessing that he actually recovered and I do think of him when I want to reassure myself.  And thank you for the Reddit person.  I need all the success stories I can get!  

 

[Lauren90]

On 6/12/2022 at 3:34 PM, SelmaLady said:

Thank you so much Lauren.  I do know about Chris Paige.  He was  struggling with akathisia when I was recovering in 2015.  He really suffered, I know.  Such a blessing that he actually recovered and I do think of him when I want to reassure myself.  And thank you for the Reddit person.  I need all the success stories I can get!  

 

https://akathisiainfo.wordpress.com/2013/08/13/my-akathisia-experience/
 

you can read the blog and comments there as well. Many people who had it physically and recovered. I believe alto posted that blog a while back. Gives me comfort when I go through a flare. 

[SelmaLady]

Thank you so much Lauren for sharing this blog.  I have read it before and it is truly terrifying.  I'm not quite as bad as Angie but still bad enough to have to fight SI continually.  I've found that there is a difference between people who get akathisia from a one time exposure to a chemical of some kind and those who get akathisia from the continuing use of a drug.  Those with the one time exposure invariably go on to recover, usually within a year.  Because my akathisia came on from an adverse reaction to a drug I had been taking for 3 decades, it doesn't recover in the same manner, usually not in for a very long time.  Also, Zoloft is a particularly toxic ssri from what I have studied.  I have only one friend who developed mental akathisia from a c/t w/d from Zoloft and she is still struggling with it 7 years later.  It has gotten a LOT better but still has to be "managed" through consciously calming her system.  It's really hard to find any posts about long term Zoloft use and c/t w/d.  I have to fight terror of prolonged w/d every second.   I spend my days praying incessantly for healing. 

[Lauren90]

On 6/15/2022 at 6:22 AM, SelmaLady said:

Thank you so much Lauren for sharing this blog.  I have read it before and it is truly terrifying.  I'm not quite as bad as Angie but still bad enough to have to fight SI continually.  I've found that there is a difference between people who get akathisia from a one time exposure to a chemical of some kind and those who get akathisia from the continuing use of a drug.  Those with the one time exposure invariably go on to recover, usually within a year.  Because my akathisia came on from an adverse reaction to a drug I had been taking for 3 decades, it doesn't recover in the same manner, usually not in for a very long time.  Also, Zoloft is a particularly toxic ssri from what I have studied.  I have only one friend who developed mental akathisia from a c/t w/d from Zoloft and she is still struggling with it 7 years later.  It has gotten a LOT better but still has to be "managed" through consciously calming her system.  It's really hard to find any posts about long term Zoloft use and c/t w/d.  I have to fight terror of prolonged w/d every second.   I spend my days praying incessantly for healing. 

What is SI?
 

I understand, I have been on Zoloft for over twenty years, and starting while I was 10 years old :/. the withdrawal has not been pleasant and I’ve been hit with protracted withdrawal from huge cuts I made over a year ago. I do have physical akathisia as well but mine seems to come in waves and peaks at times of high stress, or right after my stress is reduced. The last wave of akathisia lasted around 6 weeks. I do believe it is our body’s natural tendency to find a way to heal, so I think healing will come with time. I’d say I’m in somewhat of a window now so perhaps that’s why I am able to say that so easily. In the depths of a wave I’m truly unsure if I’ll make it out alive. 

[SelmaLady]

On 5/12/2022 at 7:22 PM, Altostrata said:

I'm sorry, I don't know of any easy way to resolve withdrawal symptoms. She'll have to be patient and get through it.

I am experiencing intense akathisia and understand that akathisia raises noreprinephrine.  I am still taking 20mg Doxepin which also raises noreprinephrine.   I'm experiencing horrific symptoms which I know is to be expected but wondering if I should begin a really small and slow reduction of the Doxepin to possibly help with the akathisia. 

[Altostrata]

Your reasoning about norepinephrine is poorly founded.

 

More drug changes are likely to cause more problems for you.

 

We can supply no easy answers for your withdrawal syndrome.

[Lauren90]

I know you’ve been having such a rough go so I just wanted to check in on you. Have you noticed any improvements at all? I’m still dealing with akathisia as well, so I can understand some of your pain. Praying you are feeling yourself healing, even if just by a little. 

[Ariel]

@SelmaLady

This is in response to your post in the prayer thread:

 

32 minutes ago, SelmaLady said:

Please pray for me.  I am in absolute agony after a forced cold turkey w/d from 30 years of Zoloft.  I have extreme body akathisia and it continues to get worse since I stopped the Zoloft on April 26th.  I know there is a 6 month cut off for spontaneous healing and I'm so very frightened I won't recover by then.   I am in constant despair.

 

Here are the results of an SA site search for success stories of people who have recovered from Zoloft WD:

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/search/?q=zoloft&quick=1&type=forums_topic&nodes=28

 

Here are the results of an SA site search for success stories of people who have recovered from sertraline WD:

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/search/?&q=sertraline&type=forums_topic&quick=1&nodes=28&search_and_or=and&sortby=relevancy

 

Hang in there, Selma.

This is temporary. It will pass. It gets better.

I hear you that it's rough going right now. You will get through this. You are getting through. 

Healing is happening all the time, even when we don't consciously feel it. 

Practice patience and acceptance and rock those non-drug coping techniques. 

You can do this. 

 

In solidarity and support,

A.

[RachelSusan]

@SelmaLady I know you are going through hell.  The best thing you can do now is doing nothing, no medication changes, nothing.  If I read your posts correctly, you tried reinstating and that did not work. I know each day is agony, but it will improve.  Just try and get through each day the best you can. I am thinking about you and hope you heal quickly.

[RachelSusan]

@SelmaLady I had it very bad too, I would lay on the bathroom floor most days with visible tremors, sweating, the pain would be unbearable, it felt like the floor was undulating beneath me, it looked like the walls were moving and I was nauseous. Sleep was only two or three hours each night.  And that was just some of the symptoms, there were plenty more all equally bad. I believe that I can relate to your agony.    For some strange reason I found that standing in the shower would be a momentary relief.  Something about the water hitting my body served as some sort of sensory distraction.  I would take multiple showers a day, not hot but slightly warm. It didn't stop the pain but it did lessen it for the moment.  I don't think this will work for many people but it is worth a try. Is there any other thing  you can do to distract from the pain, even for the moment?

 

It sounds like your husband is a wonderful person. I am glad he is so supportive. I say to you, and to him, don't give up, you will improve.  There are better days coming for you. Just get through each day the very best you can.

 

 

[SelmaLady]

I'm sorry to be so long in answering .   Thank you so much for your support.  I'm so sorry for what you experienced--it sounds horrific.  But it doesn't sound like akathisia --  I wanted to answer your post to me on the prayer site too:  I'm not so worried about labels for my akathisia recovery as I am with time limits on spontaneous recovery from akathisia after withdrawing from Zoloft.  I see that there is someone on this forum who did spontaneously recover from akathisia after 6 months.  I'm so praying that I will too because as I said on the prayer site, the longer it takes to recover the less promising the outcome for Akathisia.