success ☼ scottly9999: Lexapro nightmare

[starburst]

Yes, I really appreciate your help with the tapering. I personally found the pharmacist very unhelpful and if it wasn't for you telling me that the liquid came in a 10mg bottle I would never have known as they told me it didn't! The simplicity of the 10mg bottle with the syringe has taken a huge weight off my shoulder. I feel like I am heading in the right direction once again. 

[scottly9999]

Hi PrincessStarBurst.

 

EXCELLENT news!  thumbs up!

Just keep that bottle when you finish it... you can take out the lid, and put it on the 20ml bottle - if you have trouble getting another 10mg bottle (it's hit and miss if I get the 10ml bottle).

[scottly9999]

Update time.

Nothing much to report - have been mostly symptom free actually.

Could do with a bit more energy, but I'm out of shape, and diet isn't the best (not terrible)... so mostly those are to blame for that.

[starburst]

Glad to hear that you are doing ok Scottly999. I personally find it very encouraging! 

[scottly9999]

Still travelling well.

I've been going down 0.2mg every 2 weeks so far.

Now at 3.2mg

Seem to be travelling well.

[LexAnger]

Amazing! You have been doing great and congratulations to be at 3.2mg!

[scottly9999]

Update time!

It's been quite a while.

I super busy with work.. while I had  business trip to Perth.

Helped out at 4x4 show - worked entire weekend... 12-13 hour days, on feet all time.. exhausting.

Flew back Monday just gone.

Have spent last 3 days just resting - jetlag really smacked me around.

Was on adrenaline the whole time over in Perth.

No real WD to report... unless the inability to cope with travel fatigue counts.

Always got tired from flying.  3 hour time zone change with only 6 days doesn't help.

 

Hope everybody is going well with their WD!!

[LexAnger]

Hi Scott,

 

So great to hear you are continuously doing so well!

 

Are you still on 3.2mg?

 

You may want to update your signature to reflect the recent cut/achievement

 

Cheers,

Lex

[starburst]

Flying from Melbourne to Perth is like flying to another country with the three hour time zone difference! Glad to hear you are doing well.

[scottly9999]

Actually, I'm wondering if my extreme fatigue since I got back is related (in some way) to tapering?
Maybe tapering too fast over last few months?

I feel as if I've got nothing in the tank currently.

I did go through a very hectic and physically exhausting week of work with travel, but I should have recovered by now.

I'm just grateful I booked annual leave for this week - as I had a feeling I'd be very tired.

[starburst]

It's hard to say scottly. I guess you will know better in a week or so. You have done well so far so no reason to think that this sudden exhaustion is related. We went camping for a week and it took me two weeks to recover!! I didn't realise how much stuff we needed to take away for all of us. There were one couple at the site who rode their bikes there and had their tent strapped to the woman's back whilst the man had all the sleeping gear in his backpack. It was amazing to watch them, they were so efficient! There I sat in my huge circus tent with my six camping chair, six blow up beds, a portable gas stove, portable sink for washing up, the dvd come t.v player, and a million other things and I thought there and then that I should probably leave camping to the likes of that couple and book a five star hotel next time :-)

[Fresh]

It could be time for a tapering holiday scottly.  Give your brain a break from the changes each week , a

good long hold to catch up.

I've been reading on this site for around 18 months , and alot of  people who taper without long holds seem

to crash after they stop the meds.    Something to consider.

[scottly9999]

Update time again.

Fresh - I agree with holding... I think I was dropping about .2mg every 2 weeks or so.

I think the physical and mental exhaustion I got from my work trip caught up with me, and brought on a fresh wave of symptoms.

Mostly pretty much mental fog (strong) and lots of fatigue.

Struggling to think coherently.

It's not completely debilitating, but sufficiently annoying and affecting quality of life.

I guess I just need to relax - which I'm doing and eventually it'll sort itself out.

[scottly9999]

Update time.

Not much to update.

Have been taking a lot of magnesium and spirulina to help combat the fatigue - which has mostly passed now.

Have had a BIT of a resurgence of some of the more troubling emotions from earlier in the year.

In fact have had a bit of a wave of mild, but slightly negative feelings and thoughts of late.

Have lost a lot of interest in normal hobbies...

I'm chalking it up to a wave.

Nothing particularly powerful or debilitating, but enough to be annoying.

 

Staying at 3mg for a while yet.

[LexAnger]

How are you doing Scott?

[scottly9999]

Hi Lex!  Thanks for asking!!

 

I've been a bit naughty - and come down to 2.8mg... I felt I was flattening out at 3mg - the effect of the Lexapro itself.

Each drop seems to shake it loose a bit for me.

So I'm currently in a lovely window, where the world just feels ever so slightly more "real" again... getting fleeting glimses of my old self.

On Lexapro I felt old before my time... so with decreasing the doses I feel just "better"

 

The 2 things that seem to stick with me currently is restless legs at night - not all the time, and every easily fatigued.  One bad night of sleep affects me more than it should.

 

Apart from that - I seem to be doing well.

 

How are YOU travelling?

I've not been on the forums much lately.

[LexAnger]

that is so great to hear, Scott, that you are continuously doing well! I am very happy for you!

 

I am in deep water ever since I reached to 3.2 with many serious and severe new symptoms lurking up, first is the worst needling, then irregular heartbeat with severe fatigue, now the most scary thing -- i feel my left brain and body is parallized (brain non-functional, complete fuzzy, left body weakness) since 1 week ago still on. I have been on this dose for close to 3 months and things are getting worse and overall I am near to complete disabled.

 

I dont know what gonna to be like in the near future, but can only hold on without making any changes. SO far this has been the most severe, serious and scary experience in my 2.5 yr tapering. I hope things wont go further like a non-stopable snowball.

 

You keep the great spirit and progress,

lex

[scottly9999]

Gosh Lex - that is awful to hear!!!  I really feel for you going through this.

Its hard to say what I can suggest, as we all know that the medical community is fairly inept when it comes to these medications.

LET ALONE the strange and debilitating withdrawals we experience.

it does sound like you need to start getting some professional help!!

There could be some nerve issues there???

I hope it isn't, but better to get checked out properly!

 

Also sad news about the shooting this week in your state!

 

I hope it gets better for you SOONER rather than later!

[LexAnger]

hi Scott,

 

Sorry for the delayed reply! It has been very tough the past weeks and my brain just stopped working and I felt out of this world.

 

I believe as far as the nerve related, it's all prt of the drug problem and nothing can be done especially for my case, that I can't take anything including vitamins.

 

Yeah, I'm very sorry about the shootings.

How are you doing lately? I hope you are good and ready for the holidays!

 

Lex

[scottly9999]

Hi Lex.

Also sorry for delayed response... silly season and busy busy!

I really feel for you with the horrible symptoms you are going through.

I would definitely consider seeing a doctor / specialist though - just in case it's not something else!!  Almost for peace of mind - as little comfort as that might be.

In the reading I did on the forums at beginning of my taper, I didn't read anything that sounded quite like that.

 

You may recall a while ago I posted a topic for my wife?

She was on 60mg citalopram (Lexapro's older brother - not as concentrated), and was also on 100-200mg of Tramadol (which also acts on the same mechanisms as SSRIs)... putting her on a VERY VERY high and quite dangerous dose?

Well, finally got her to see a p doc, who instantly brought her down from 60mg to 40mg... I was stunned, but she did it... and after about 3-4 weeks, she stabilized nicely.

Then started on the Tramadol, but each time she tried to stay at 100mg, her back pain was excrusiating.

She JUST had a steriod-cortisone injection in hjer back and after 3-4 days, is effectively pain free!!

I can't believe it took so many doctors and specialists to even SUGGEST this as a course of action.

Really does reinforce the slightly jaded belief that the pharma reps are ALL over the doctors to just dish out pills!!!

 

The injection is likely not going to be a permanent fix, but will highlight that she is a good candidate for surgery.

Phew!

 

Overall, my progress seems to be mostly good... my "symptoms" can mostly be summarized as feeling the effects of Lexapro or less-so.

 

Lets keep healing!

[scottly9999]

Time for a check in.

Ok... in the lead up to Christmas, I seemed to get a stomach bug.  Daughter felt ill for a few days, wife got it too.

I felt very nauseous on and off for about 7-10 days.  Wasn't ever sick, but did have pretty bad watery stools.

Since about that I've had a wave of withdrawal effects.

Extreme fatigue again, pressure type headaches - around jaw etc.

Also difficulty concentrating and feeling "off" in a "head" way... very hard to describe.

I've had one day since then where I felt sort of ok, but mostly just not right at all.

I wondered if the watery stools affected my body absorbing the 2.4mg of liquid Lexapro?

I tend to think no, as the amount is literally so small, it's 0.12 of 1 ml... surely my body is able to absorb that before it gets to my intestines?

Not sure.

The other effect is it almost feels like I've gone back to full dose of Lexapro with the numbing effects..

 

I'm sure it's just a "wave", and I'll chalk it up as such.

 

My Wife had some sudden changes in her medications lately, and it was bumpy, but she's got through well.

So I find it hard to describe and justify how I feel to her - and I think she thinks I'm putting a lot of it on... I'm not.

 

Hope everybdy had a lovely Christmas time!

And heres to more hope in 2016!!

[scottly9999]

Small update time.

I seem to be slowly stabilizing... I think.

Have had some pretty interesting mood swings.

current symptoms are:

- mood swings

- headaches - constant

- apathy that comes and goes.

 

It's the little things I miss the most about my old self - pre-meds.  I used to like the small things in life, and look forward to things.

After having years of apathy that really got worse and worse, the little things are like MEH and don't register.

I notice with the mood swings too, that they're not related to anything in particular, and you still feel "medicated" for lack of a better description.

 

I'm on 2mg.

 

I think some of my obsessions that I've had over the last few years where really a way to shake up and break the apathy that descends on you.

[LexAnger]

It's amazing you got down from 9 to 2 mg in one year rather smoothly, relative speaking.

Wish you best luck for the last leg of tapering!

[scottly9999]

Update time.

Pretty much since I posted my last update... I've stabilized.  quite nicely actually.

Less "zoned out" and more in my own mind and body... it's so hard to describe, that sometimes just trying to find the words, makes the "feeling" disappear..

Anyway - feeling much much better again.

 

I really don' tknow what happened over the Christmas period, but boy - was a bit of a rough ride.

 

Things around me seem to have more "gravity" or meaning to them again... only slightly, but enough that makes me feel like something ISN'T missing constantly.

[scottly9999]

Update time.

have had a strange time of it since Christmas.

Have had lots of headaches - stubborn ones that won't shift easily.

Lots of tummy upsets, and nausea.

I've also had another bout of very bad diahorea where I had to call in sick from work last week.

Again, I felt pretty awful mentally during this time.  Heavy brain fog and confusion, and lots of apathy.

Now, one thing I noticed on the bottle of liquid was it says "discard contents after 3 months".

Now I'm positive I've been using this bottle of liquid for longer than 3 months... as the amount of liquid I'm using each day is so small.

I'm wondering if the bottle I was using had gone stale???  Maybe the symptoms I've been experiencing have been FULL BLOWN withdrawal - even though I was taking a measured 2mg dose each day?

It's just so hard to know.  Nobody would know.

The thing with the meds, is you tend to lose that instinct about yourself too.

 

I've since started a new bottle of liquid - old one was almost empty, and again, is it psycho-somatic?  BUT I feel it's helped me stabilize quite quickly.

 

My wife thinkds I'm over thinking it.

 

She dropped from 60mg of Citalopram to 40mg with 7.5 mirtazipram substitute - and dropped off 200mg of Tramadol quite quickly and with FAIRLY minimal withdrawals.

 

LexAnger - how are you going??

[Fresh]

Hi Scootly ,    I've read of other members' having similar issues at the "bottom of the bottle".  One theory is that 

the stuff is stronger at the bottom , so it may have been like updosing.  

 

Good to hear you'e stabilizing.

 

Happy Australia Day ,  

[LexAnger]

Hi Scott,

 

So sorry you got hit too as you have been coping quite well until now!

I feel it muct be the dose you are at now. 2 mg is a hard point. I hope slowing down and holding long will lesson the wave.

 

I'm going through another hell, the 2nd worst since the 3.2 mg hit 4 months ago, with a one week good windows holding for 3 months followed by the current bigger wave with dead brain and brutal pains and needling. Often feel my poor body and soul can't hold any more minutes.

 

im glad you stylized quickly and happy for your wife coping well!

 

Lex

[Ali]

Scotty9999, I've tapered off lexapro 1ml/ 20mg. For smaller doses, I used to dilute 1 drop, which equated to 1mg, from what I recall, in 100ml water, and then take the proportion I needed, so 25ml for .25mg etc. That made it much easier. I used a scientific measuring cylinder from Amazon. Hope that helps, Ali.

[scottly9999]

Hi Guys

Thanks for the input - as always!  Such a good environment here.

Lex - I'm really sorry to hear of your continued struggles!!!  I really hope it gets better for you really soon.

Fresh - it's more like the bottle was past it's used by date, as I'm using such a small amount of the liquid, that the bottle lasts forever, as it's a proper liquid, and not really a suspension, it was as if I wasn't taking ANY liquid... or Lexapro.

Once I started a brand new bottle, most of my symptoms went away, or died right down... Nausea, confusion, headaches.

Still have terrible fatigue, need at LEAST 9 hours sleep... and still "feel" the Lexapro in my system, the "not quite here" thing.  I can't wait for that to go away.

 

It's also hard to know if you have stabilized, as I really can't stand the feeling of being ON the meds, but it beats NOT TAKING THEM, and having the withdrawals hit you.

So you're stuck in a horrible place.

 

I'm certainly better than where I was 12 months ago.

[scottly9999]

Hi Guys

 

I seem to be in a nice little window again.

Feel good within myself, feels a lot more like "old me".  Clear thinking, no headache (today at least), and my thoughts have "weight" and "gravity" about them, as if they sink in a little bit more than when dosed up on the SSRI's...

which is lovely.

mentally it feels like a veil has been lifted... one thats been there for so long I coudn't recognize it was still so strong.

I look back at photo graphs of events since I've been on Lexapro, and about the 1/3rd mark or time to today, the photos are vague, or the memory OF the photos, or what I was doing at the time the photo was taken are vague.

SSRI's really mess you up - virtual lobotomy!

Horrid sh*t.

 

I'm at 1.8mg now... have been for a few days.

 

I DO seem to have a little burst of feeling quite good when I first drop a dose, then it wears off a bit.

I wish I could grab onto that and have it longer.

[scottly9999]

Update time.

Have been quite good so far.

Have had long periods of time where my head had felt MUCH clearer, back to me.

I honestly think that the liquid Lexapro actually goes off... as I'm taking so small amounts, a bottle of 20mg / 1ml lasts me a long time.

It says on it to throw it away after 3 months, and I'm positive I went past that, as it's quite expensive.

Since being on the fresh bottle and being at 1.8mg (or as close to that as I can possibly manage) have felt consistently much better.

 

I almost feel as if I could just stop taking it now and just get back on with my life, but I won't... too risky.  Been there before.

Still got a way to go yet.

 

Hope everybody else is going well with their journey!

[LexAnger]

So happy for you for the smooth and successful journey!

Congratulations!

[scottly9999]

Update time again!

The really good clarity has slowly faded, not completely gone, but def not as strong as it was.

Also have had a pretty sudden nose dive in mood.

Friday night was good, but Saturday I didn't "feel right" at all, did a lot of productive stuff, but was really "scatty" all day.

Sunday quite low mood, not depressed, but very melancholy for sure... 

and it's funny how when your mood dips like that - the pervasive negative thoughts seep back in, like weeds.

comparing yourself to others, etc

 

I also have a bit of a theory as to some of my behaviour while on the SSRI... I can relate to Princess StarBurst - whom I think has dropped away from the boards lately...

She found herself obsessing over My Little Pony toys.

I also found myself obsessing over a hobby... much more than I normally would have.

But my theory is that you become so suppressed from the meds, that there isn't much happening upstairs in your brain... and you lose your natural interests in activities.

I found most of last year, in between the other issues I had, and withdrawals, and one particular issue - my new found hobby was a GOD SEND!

But it was an unnatural level of enthusiasm that I wouldn't normally have had.

It's just a theory.

[scottly9999]

UPdate time.

It's been an interesting week.  At work, my job was quite stressful, and very busy, unusually busy.

I felt a lot of anxiety - much more than normal for sure.

It was mostly reactive and in check.

By the end of the week, I was so glad for the weekend... I think I was in bed most nights around 9:30pm.

Saturday woke up and my head was so clear!

It felt like I was seeing everything around me for the first time - well, ALMOST lol.

I felt calm and just generally good... like me!

I started to think about things I wanted to do, and felt small rushes of emotion and anticipation going along with it... something I've not felt properly for a while.

This has lasted all weekend, through to today too.

Also have been able to stay awake until 11:30 and 11pm which is a much better bed time.

 

I have mood cycled since I started tapering, but nothing particularly bad.  I just hope this isn't a hypo-manic phase, it doesn't feel like it.

I dno't have racing thoughts or much like that... just feel good, and clear and "deep".  I don't mean like a hippy "Oh look maaaaan, deeeeep"... it's hard to explain, but feels like there is more me here.

Either way - it's a lovely window!

 

I hope others get to experience this too!

[scottly9999]

Updates again - 

my window seems to be lasting longer than other times - which is great.

My mind is much clearer for longer - helping in my job too!  Sometimes I wonder how I even got anything done - as I work in I.T. sometimes you have to think out of the box... on the meds, I didn't even KNOW there WAS a box!!

It's important to report on when you're feeling good, otherwise reading doom and gloom for myself and others just feeds into confirmation bias.

Still get tired earlier in the evening that I'd like, but that could also be other things like sensitivity to caffeine and diet, and lack of exercise!!

The best way to describe it is I feel more like "me".  My mind is more active and full.

One thing I did tend like like (more so at first) on Lexapro was my mind was quieter, and I was able to focus more on 1 thing for a bit longer.

But that came at such a heavy price.

For me the biggest issue with these drugs is stopping them - they might provide a nice respite to some people who really need it from the difficult emotions etc, but once you need to get off, the necessary process is just incredulous.

[LexAnger]

Aaesome!

I feel the same about lex with less bad emotional side effects, tons of real tough physical side effects though.