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ikam: tapering escitalopram

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Tilly

Hi Ikam,

 

You haven't failed at all. You listened to your body and followed it's lead. This is the best thing that you can do.

 

Despite what our doctors tell us, the lower the dose the slower we have to go. 2.5mg seems to be a sticking point for so many people. Maybe due to the effects on the CNS at this point? I know from personal experience of 2.5mg this past week my functioning is very impaired and emotions are turbulent. The fact that you are working and functioning on such a low dose is an amazing achievement in itself. Give yourself credit for this. 

 

You will reduce. Maybe now is not the right time? You had a pretty stressful week last week.You can try again and will succeed when your body can accommodate this change.

 

I wish you a peaceful week this week.

 

Be gentle with yourself. 

 

Tilly x


1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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ikam

It was suggested to me that I may need to do 1, or 2% at the time...

 

I just wanted to GET IT OUT of my system...I don't like this dependency, constant almost OCD worries if I taken it or not. I carry now one pill with me in my purse, just in case if I ever forget...

 

I seem to be much calmer now...but low...depressed, defeated...

 

I felt so suicidal in the morning...more than usually...

I am not surprised that there are people who lose control...

 

This is a dangerous game led by the  psychiatrists and big pharma- killing human nation...it is worse that the crusade in medieval era!


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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Tilly

It was suggested to me that I may need to do 1, or 2% at the time...

 

I just wanted to GET IT OUT of my system...I don't like this dependency, constant almost OCD worries if I taken it or not. I carry now one pill with me in my purse, just in case if I ever forget...

 

I seem to be much calmer now...but low...depressed, defeated...

 

I felt so suicidal in the morning...more than usually...

I am not surprised that there are people who lose control...

 

This is a dangerous game led by the  psychiatrists and big pharma- killing human nation...it is worse that the crusade in medieval era!

Hi Ikam,

 

I totally empathise.

 

The drive to get these drugs out of our system is very strong. Especially now that we have all of this information.

 

My GP has messed up my taper so bad, I am resigned to the fact that I will have to micro taper to achieve stability which will lengthen my overall taper.

 

On the upside, from what I have read, those who micro taper seem to have much gentler transition when they make reductions which is beneficial to short term stability and functioning. 

 

I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling so low. You are not defeated. Not at all. Hold on to all that you are currently achieving in very difficult circumstances. It takes a lot of strength and courage to achieve what you are currently achieving. This along with support will see you through.

 

Try to do something nice for yourself today to lift your mood.

 

I'm thinking of you.

 

Huge hugs,

 

Tilly x


1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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ikam

Thank you Tilly...

 

I feel a bit "shaken" at present...as if I have enough...lots of things at the same time...if I break down I will have no money...so I HAVE to be strong...

I dealt with my previous tapering when I was at home and I think I would deal with my present symptoms better if not work, bills, etc. So I have to stay on drug I don't want to be on...

 

Maybe I need to pay price so in the end I will never get back on meds, as I have done after Effexor. I was COMPLETELY drug free, and I restarted it, first painkillers, pancreatic enzymes, more painkillers...doxepin...atenolol...

Then I had a major surgery (benign tumour), more painkillers + anaesthetic...

And codeine,

and...and...and...

 

It is only me who is guilty for my present relapse...

 

I have my therapy session soon...

 

Will I manage????????????


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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ikam

Yes, micro-taper seems the best idea. It was suggested to me by another person, that if I cannot stand 5% I have to get back and do micro-way..


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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ikam

Looking for answers:

- do I need to stabilise first now when I got back to 2.5M?

- how do I get %1 of 2.5mg?


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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Tilly

Thank you Tilly...

 

I feel a bit "shaken" at present...as if I have enough...lots of things at the same time...if I break down I will have no money...so I HAVE to be strong...

I dealt with my previous tapering when I was at home and I think I would deal with my present symptoms better if not work, bills, etc. So I have to stay on drug I don't want to be on...

 

Maybe I need to pay price so in the end I will never get back on meds, as I have done after Effexor. I was COMPLETELY drug free, and I restarted it, first painkillers, pancreatic enzymes, more painkillers...doxepin...atenolol...

Then I had a major surgery (benign tumour), more painkillers + anaesthetic...

And codeine,

and...and...and...

 

It is only me who is guilty for my present relapse...

 

I have my therapy session soon...

 

Will I manage????????????

Hi Ikam,

 

I have been where you are now. Living alone for several years with only me responsible for my care and financial responsibilities and lots of additional stressors. It was terrifying and a constant source of stress. I worked long, irregular hours all week and used the weekends to 'recover' only to start all over again on Monday. I continued to medicate to be able to 'function' in my work role at the expense of my health. I was unable to access therapy during this time as my employers wouldn't release me to attend - even though I always worked over my allocated hours. I reached a breaking point where I simply couldn't push myself to carry on with this any more. My ability to function diminished until I could function no more.

 

I sold pretty much everything I owned. Books, CDs, clothes, whatever I could. Ebay was a constant companion during this time. I used this money to cover my mortgage and applied for disability benefits as my health needed to be my priority. My body wouldn't tolerate being pushed any more.

 

I have made many sacrifices to regain my health. Financially, you can find a way to manage while you heal. It will most likely speed up your healing to relinquish some of your stressors. I would be happy to give you what advice I can offer.

 

It may be wise to make a contingency plan at this point? Review your options to facilitate a time limited break to allow your healing to take place. Make an advance plan and fill in the forms you need to complete now while you are able to do so. Then you have the option to use this as a safety net should you need to. I'm a great believer in safety nets. I have learned throughout my life that nothing comes guaranteed.

 

You have a huge skills base and can secure work after this period of healing. Think this through and make a note of the pros and cons of taking a planned break as opposed to reaching 'burnout' as I did. If you plan it, you have much more control over it.

 

Let me know your thoughts and we could discuss this further privately if you would like to?

 

I hope that you have a better day today.

 

Tilly x


1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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Tilly

Looking for answers:

- do I need to stabilise first now when I got back to 2.5M?

- how do I get %1 of 2.5mg?

 Were you off for 2 days? I'm not sure if you can go back on 2.5 or need to go slightly lower. Have you gone back to 2.5mg yesterday? How did it feel?


1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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LexAnger

Hi Ikam,

 

I'm so sorry for the strong reaction you got from the 5% cut. It seems you already got back to 2.5.

From my own experience, 1% cut still gave me quite a bit symptoms even I'm at a higher dose than you. It seems your system is also very sensitive now. I would suggest you to hold for stablization first then start a slower taper like 1% or 2% at the most.

 

Also, I wonder if the solution you are making yourself is even enough to provide accurate npmeasure. At this low rate of reduction, liquid CNS provide much more precise readings. I r,ember you mentioned you got the liquid.

 

Let me know how you think. I can help with the method to get your desired reduction from either liquid or your own solution.

 

Hope you feel better soon with the reinstament.

Lex


Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Songbird

You haven't failed at all. You listened to your body and followed it's lead. This is the best thing that you can do.

 

Despite what our doctors tell us, the lower the dose the slower we have to go. 2.5mg seems to be a sticking point for so many people. Maybe due to the effects on the CNS at this point?

You haven't really failed, ikam.  I crashed badly going from 5mg to 4.5mg, but I am trying again using much smaller drops.  I think 2.5mg escitalopram is equivalent to around 5mg of paroxetine, and this is a difficult dose range for many people.  I am using liquid this time and a 1ml syringe so I can do drops of 0.05mg if I need to (in theory the syringe measures down to 0.01ml but the liquid is kind of gluggy so it would be hard to measure precisely).  It is taking an awful long time, which does kind of p me off, but I figure it is better to take a long time and be successful than to just give up.  As someone on here said, even snails get where they want to be eventually.  Give yourself some time to restabilise and then you may be able to try again with a snail taper.


2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 July 2.9mg

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Tilly

How are you today, Ikam?

 

Tilly x


1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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LoveandLight

Sorry Ikam..but you will get there eventually..you will :) x


2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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ikam

Sorry Ikam..but you will get there eventually..you will :) x

I hope...it does not feel like this today...


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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ikam

 

Thank you Tilly...

 

I feel a bit "shaken" at present...as if I have enough...lots of things at the same time...if I break down I will have no money...so I HAVE to be strong...

I dealt with my previous tapering when I was at home and I think I would deal with my present symptoms better if not work, bills, etc. So I have to stay on drug I don't want to be on...

 

Maybe I need to pay price so in the end I will never get back on meds, as I have done after Effexor. I was COMPLETELY drug free, and I restarted it, first painkillers, pancreatic enzymes, more painkillers...doxepin...atenolol...

Then I had a major surgery (benign tumour), more painkillers + anaesthetic...

And codeine,

and...and...and...

 

It is only me who is guilty for my present relapse...

 

I have my therapy session soon...

 

Will I manage????????????

Hi Ikam,

 

I have been where you are now. Living alone for several years with only me responsible for my care and financial responsibilities and lots of additional stressors. It was terrifying and a constant source of stress. I worked long, irregular hours all week and used the weekends to 'recover' only to start all over again on Monday. I continued to medicate to be able to 'function' in my work role at the expense of my health. I was unable to access therapy during this time as my employers wouldn't release me to attend - even though I always worked over my allocated hours. I reached a breaking point where I simply couldn't push myself to carry on with this any more. My ability to function diminished until I could function no more.

 

I sold pretty much everything I owned. Books, CDs, clothes, whatever I could. Ebay was a constant companion during this time. I used this money to cover my mortgage and applied for disability benefits as my health needed to be my priority. My body wouldn't tolerate being pushed any more.

 

I have made many sacrifices to regain my health. Financially, you can find a way to manage while you heal. It will most likely speed up your healing to relinquish some of your stressors. I would be happy to give you what advice I can offer.

 

It may be wise to make a contingency plan at this point? Review your options to facilitate a time limited break to allow your healing to take place. Make an advance plan and fill in the forms you need to complete now while you are able to do so. Then you have the option to use this as a safety net should you need to. I'm a great believer in safety nets. I have learned throughout my life that nothing comes guaranteed.

 

You have a huge skills base and can secure work after this period of healing. Think this through and make a note of the pros and cons of taking a planned break as opposed to reaching 'burnout' as I did. If you plan it, you have much more control over it.

 

Let me know your thoughts and we could discuss this further privately if you would like to?

 

I hope that you have a better day today.

 

Tilly x

 

Tilly, thank you. My life is a bit complicated at present. I am formally a house owner, the house I cannot sell (negative equity) and my husband (ex?) living there. I rent the flat here, etc., etc...

I left my permanent job in 2010 due to bullying and harassment...since then i am in and out jobs, no savings...

So I MUST work...

Maybe you and I can talk some time...but i don't think there are any options for me...

 

I also think that work is my "protective" factor in some way...I always feel low on days off...when I manage to get to work, talk to people I forget about my symptoms and worries...


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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ikam

 

Looking for answers:

- do I need to stabilise first now when I got back to 2.5M?

- how do I get %1 of 2.5mg?

 Were you off for 2 days? I'm not sure if you can go back on 2.5 or need to go slightly lower. Have you gone back to 2.5mg yesterday? How did it feel?

 

I was taking %5 of 2.5mg for two days...So I got back to 2.5mg on third day...


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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ikam

 

You haven't failed at all. You listened to your body and followed it's lead. This is the best thing that you can do.

 

Despite what our doctors tell us, the lower the dose the slower we have to go. 2.5mg seems to be a sticking point for so many people. Maybe due to the effects on the CNS at this point?

You haven't really failed, ikam.  I crashed badly going from 5mg to 4.5mg, but I am trying again using much smaller drops.  I think 2.5mg escitalopram is equivalent to around 5mg of paroxetine, and this is a difficult dose range for many people.  I am using liquid this time and a 1ml syringe so I can do drops of 0.05mg if I need to (in theory the syringe measures down to 0.01ml but the liquid is kind of gluggy so it would be hard to measure precisely).  It is taking an awful long time, which does kind of p me off, but I figure it is better to take a long time and be successful than to just give up.  As someone on here said, even snails get where they want to be eventually.  Give yourself some time to restabilise and then you may be able to try again with a snail taper.

 

Yes, I need restabilise first...

 

At the moment I feel kind of hopeless and helpless...I cannot get back to October...I took it as my job was very challenging and I wanted fix myself to be able to work...then left that job, which was a good decision...

But cannot "leave" this horrible drug!

I get those suicidal wishes (as the only way to stop it all!)...


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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Tilly

 

 

Looking for answers:

- do I need to stabilise first now when I got back to 2.5M?

- how do I get %1 of 2.5mg?

 Were you off for 2 days? I'm not sure if you can go back on 2.5 or need to go slightly lower. Have you gone back to 2.5mg yesterday? How did it feel?

 

I was taking %5 of 2.5mg for two days...So I got back to 2.5mg on third day...

 

I think that it takes 4 or so days to take effect. Does it feel any better today at all?


1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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ikam

How are you today, Ikam?

 

Tilly x

Not too good...

I don't know what to do anymore...


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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Link to post
Tilly

 

 

Thank you Tilly...

 

I feel a bit "shaken" at present...as if I have enough...lots of things at the same time...if I break down I will have no money...so I HAVE to be strong...

I dealt with my previous tapering when I was at home and I think I would deal with my present symptoms better if not work, bills, etc. So I have to stay on drug I don't want to be on...

 

Maybe I need to pay price so in the end I will never get back on meds, as I have done after Effexor. I was COMPLETELY drug free, and I restarted it, first painkillers, pancreatic enzymes, more painkillers...doxepin...atenolol...

Then I had a major surgery (benign tumour), more painkillers + anaesthetic...

And codeine,

and...and...and...

 

It is only me who is guilty for my present relapse...

 

I have my therapy session soon...

 

Will I manage????????????

Hi Ikam,

 

I have been where you are now. Living alone for several years with only me responsible for my care and financial responsibilities and lots of additional stressors. It was terrifying and a constant source of stress. I worked long, irregular hours all week and used the weekends to 'recover' only to start all over again on Monday. I continued to medicate to be able to 'function' in my work role at the expense of my health. I was unable to access therapy during this time as my employers wouldn't release me to attend - even though I always worked over my allocated hours. I reached a breaking point where I simply couldn't push myself to carry on with this any more. My ability to function diminished until I could function no more.

 

I sold pretty much everything I owned. Books, CDs, clothes, whatever I could. Ebay was a constant companion during this time. I used this money to cover my mortgage and applied for disability benefits as my health needed to be my priority. My body wouldn't tolerate being pushed any more.

 

I have made many sacrifices to regain my health. Financially, you can find a way to manage while you heal. It will most likely speed up your healing to relinquish some of your stressors. I would be happy to give you what advice I can offer.

 

It may be wise to make a contingency plan at this point? Review your options to facilitate a time limited break to allow your healing to take place. Make an advance plan and fill in the forms you need to complete now while you are able to do so. Then you have the option to use this as a safety net should you need to. I'm a great believer in safety nets. I have learned throughout my life that nothing comes guaranteed.

 

You have a huge skills base and can secure work after this period of healing. Think this through and make a note of the pros and cons of taking a planned break as opposed to reaching 'burnout' as I did. If you plan it, you have much more control over it.

 

Let me know your thoughts and we could discuss this further privately if you would like to?

 

I hope that you have a better day today.

 

Tilly x

 

Tilly, thank you. My life is a bit complicated at present. I am formally a house owner, the house I cannot sell (negative equity) and my husband (ex?) living there. I rent the flat here, etc., etc...

I left my permanent job in 2010 due to bullying and harassment...since then i am in and out jobs, no savings...

So I MUST work...

Maybe you and I can talk some time...but i don't think there are any options for me...

 

I also think that work is my "protective" factor in some way...I always feel low on days off...when I manage to get to work, talk to people I forget about my symptoms and worries...

 

I understand. Yes of course, we can talk any time.


1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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ikam

Hi Ikam,

 

I'm so sorry for the strong reaction you got from the 5% cut. It seems you already got back to 2.5.

From my own experience, 1% cut still gave me quite a bit symptoms even I'm at a higher dose than you. It seems your system is also very sensitive now. I would suggest you to hold for stablization first then start a slower taper like 1% or 2% at the most.

 

Also, I wonder if the solution you are making yourself is even enough to provide accurate npmeasure. At this low rate of reduction, liquid CNS provide much more precise readings. I r,ember you mentioned you got the liquid.

 

Let me know how you think. I can help with the method to get your desired reduction from either liquid or your own solution.

 

Yes, I will hold again...I am surprised that just after two days I got so dis-regulated...waking up with anxiety again, feel kind of shaken, over-sensitive...

 

I have liquid, it is 20mg one...apparently one drop equals 1mg...

I stayed with tabled and water liquid as I felt so confused with the liquid form...

How to make 2.5mg using this liquid?

 

Hope you feel better soon with the reinstament.

Lex


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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ikam

Sorry to all of you. I am feeling a bit confused when answering to your messages...

Something does not work properly on my computer, I cannot simply hit "quote" button and answer as I used to do before...This makes everything even more difficult...Everything around me just breaks apart...

Sorry...


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

Share this post


Link to post
ikam

 

Hi Ikam,

 

I'm so sorry for the strong reaction you got from the 5% cut. It seems you already got back to 2.5.

From my own experience, 1% cut still gave me quite a bit symptoms even I'm at a higher dose than you. It seems your system is also very sensitive now. I would suggest you to hold for stablization first then start a slower taper like 1% or 2% at the most.

 

Also, I wonder if the solution you are making yourself is even enough to provide accurate npmeasure. At this low rate of reduction, liquid CNS provide much more precise readings. I r,ember you mentioned you got the liquid.

 

Let me know how you think. I can help with the method to get your desired reduction from either liquid or your own solution.

 

Yes, I will hold again...I am surprised that just after two days I got so dis-regulated...waking up with anxiety again, feel kind of shaken, over-sensitive...

 

I have liquid, it is 20mg one...apparently one drop equals 1mg...

I stayed with tabled and water liquid as I felt so confused with the liquid form...

How to make 2.5mg using this liquid?

 

Hope you feel better soon with the reinstament.

Lex

 

Sorry, I made a mistake when I was answering...

 

The link to the liquid I have:

http://xpil.medicines.org.uk/ViewPil.aspx?DocID=21927


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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Tilly

Try to take it easy today, Ikam. I'm going to have a lie down for a while myself now. I'm exhausted.

 

Take care x


1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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ikam

I don't know what is happening with me today...

As this "stupid computer" does not work "normally" I have just burst into tears and cannot stop crying...

I cannot stop these noisy machines outside of my window...

Feeling so powerless and un-important...no needed really...


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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Link to post
Tilly

I don't know what is happening with me today...

As this "stupid computer" does not work "normally" I have just burst into tears and cannot stop crying...

I cannot stop these noisy machines outside of my window...

Feeling so powerless and un-important...no needed really...

The tears and feelings are common with changes in dose. Try to remember that it is the effects of your medication that are causing these feelings, not the real you. I haven't cried yet today. There is time yet  ;)

 

You are not powerless or unimportant. These drugs play tricks with our minds. These feelings will pass.

 

Are you feeling up to going for a walk? It is a beautiful spring day. It might lift your mood?


1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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ikam

 

 

Thank you Tilly...

 

I feel a bit "shaken" at present...as if I have enough...lots of things at the same time...if I break down I will have no money...so I HAVE to be strong...

I dealt with my previous tapering when I was at home and I think I would deal with my present symptoms better if not work, bills, etc. So I have to stay on drug I don't want to be on...

 

Maybe I need to pay price so in the end I will never get back on meds, as I have done after Effexor. I was COMPLETELY drug free, and I restarted it, first painkillers, pancreatic enzymes, more painkillers...doxepin...atenolol...

Then I had a major surgery (benign tumour), more painkillers + anaesthetic...

And codeine,

and...and...and...

 

It is only me who is guilty for my present relapse...

 

I have my therapy session soon...

 

Will I manage????????????

Hi Ikam,

 

I have been where you are now. Living alone for several years with only me responsible for my care and financial responsibilities and lots of additional stressors. It was terrifying and a constant source of stress. I worked long, irregular hours all week and used the weekends to 'recover' only to start all over again on Monday. I continued to medicate to be able to 'function' in my work role at the expense of my health. I was unable to access therapy during this time as my employers wouldn't release me to attend - even though I always worked over my allocated hours. I reached a breaking point where I simply couldn't push myself to carry on with this any more. My ability to function diminished until I could function no more.

 

I sold pretty much everything I owned. Books, CDs, clothes, whatever I could. Ebay was a constant companion during this time. I used this money to cover my mortgage and applied for disability benefits as my health needed to be my priority. My body wouldn't tolerate being pushed any more.

 

I have made many sacrifices to regain my health. Financially, you can find a way to manage while you heal. It will most likely speed up your healing to relinquish some of your stressors. I would be happy to give you what advice I can offer.

 

It may be wise to make a contingency plan at this point? Review your options to facilitate a time limited break to allow your healing to take place. Make an advance plan and fill in the forms you need to complete now while you are able to do so. Then you have the option to use this as a safety net should you need to. I'm a great believer in safety nets. I have learned throughout my life that nothing comes guaranteed.

 

You have a huge skills base and can secure work after this period of healing. Think this through and make a note of the pros and cons of taking a planned break as opposed to reaching 'burnout' as I did. If you plan it, you have much more control over it.

 

Let me know your thoughts and we could discuss this further privately if you would like to?

 

I hope that you have a better day today.

 

Tilly x

 

Tilly, thank you. My life is a bit complicated at present. I am formally a house owner, the house I cannot sell (negative equity) and my husband (ex?) living there. I rent the flat here, etc., etc...

I left my permanent job in 2010 due to bullying and harassment...since then i am in and out jobs, no savings...

So I MUST work...

Maybe you and I can talk some time...but i don't think there are any options for me...

 

I also think that work is my "protective" factor in some way...I always feel low on days off...when I manage to get to work, talk to people I forget about my symptoms and worries...

 

I MUST work to pay bills...I don't like my job anymore, I have been working since 1985...tired, but MUST...and still don't know when my present contract will end...

The agency is looking for new contracts for me...

But I just feel like giving up...just stopping it all, staying home...if I can call it home...(it is a temporary accommodation)...

Everything is temporary, I have nobody...I don't like my own company either...

 

My therapist says that these meds just entrap all the emotions inside us, so when we tapper, everything we did not deal with, just pops out and requires attention...

I actually think he is right, it feels i have the emotions now i wanted to "fix" with meds, just hide them from my attention...but as i did not deal with them, they are now much stronger, like a volcano...with meds it is like a dormant volcano, little change in meds and it explodes...

I don't know if i make any sense when i write...

 

When I was in my worst WD there were two big machines outside my window digging into ground, now one of them is back, since yesterday and it makes me feeling even worse, as it comes as a reminder...a trigger...

I should not respond to it, but i do...cannot detach myself somehow...


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

Share this post


Link to post
ikam

 

I don't know what is happening with me today...

As this "stupid computer" does not work "normally" I have just burst into tears and cannot stop crying...

I cannot stop these noisy machines outside of my window...

Feeling so powerless and un-important...no needed really...

The tears and feelings are common with changes in dose. Try to remember that it is the effects of your medication that are causing these feelings, not the real you. I haven't cried yet today. There is time yet  ;)

 

You are not powerless or unimportant. These drugs play tricks with our minds. These feelings will pass.

 

Are you feeling up to going for a walk? It is a beautiful spring day. It might lift your mood?

 

It is a beautiful day, and all the machines working + noise outside...I cannot face it today...

 

It is the real me...it feels real...

 

I have not cried for very long, I don't remember when I cried last...so maybe i just need to cry it out?

 

Is this possible that just two days on a lower dose could have dis-regulated me so much????


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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Tilly

My therapist says that these meds just entrap all the emotions inside us, so when we tapper, everything we did not deal with, just pops out and requires attention...

I actually think he is right, it feels i have the emotions now i wanted to "fix" with meds, just hide them from my attention...but as i did not deal with them, they are now much stronger, like a volcano...with meds it is like a dormant volcano, little change in meds and it explodes...

I don't know if i make any sense when i write...

 

 

 

This makes perfect sense. I believe this too.


1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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Tilly

 

 

I don't know what is happening with me today...

As this "stupid computer" does not work "normally" I have just burst into tears and cannot stop crying...

I cannot stop these noisy machines outside of my window...

Feeling so powerless and un-important...no needed really...

The tears and feelings are common with changes in dose. Try to remember that it is the effects of your medication that are causing these feelings, not the real you. I haven't cried yet today. There is time yet  ;)

 

You are not powerless or unimportant. These drugs play tricks with our minds. These feelings will pass.

 

Are you feeling up to going for a walk? It is a beautiful spring day. It might lift your mood?

 

It is a beautiful day, and all the machines working + noise outside...I cannot face it today...

 

It is the real me...it feels real...

 

I have not cried for very long, I don't remember when I cried last...so maybe i just need to cry it out?

 

Is this possible that just two days on a lower dose could have dis-regulated me so much????

 

Yes, after a few days of reducing my dose last week, I couldn't stop crying and felt completely overwhelmed by everything and had a lot of neuro emotions. Maybe this is what you are experiencing? Crying won't hurt you and it can release a lot of stored tension. I'm sorry that you are feeling so low right now. Things will get better x


1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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ikam

As usually i find it difficult to answer what is first, the emotions that lead us to take antidepressants (to fix ourselves and adjust to life)?

Or medication creates "neuro-emotions"...?

Or both?

 

I think it is both, I cannot say it is all due to chemical imbalance...

Anyway, our "normal" emotions correlate with some level of neurotransmitters, I think...

 

When somebody was so unlucky to go through traumatic experiences, the "flight-fight" response is triggered easily...(all this ANS stuff...)...

+ if somebody tries to stop this response using meds

+ if somebody stops, tapers the meds...

 

=the system is even more disregulated...

+ somebody (like me) is not really mindful and goes to a psychiatrist...

OUCH...


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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Tilly

As usually i find it difficult to answer what is first, the emotions that lead us to take antidepressants (to fix ourselves and adjust to life)?

Or medication creates "neuro-emotions"...?

Or both?

 

I think it is both, I cannot say it is all due to chemical imbalance...

Anyway, our "normal" emotions correlate with some level of neurotransmitters, I think...

 

When somebody was so unlucky to go through traumatic experiences, the "flight-fight" response is triggered easily...(all this ANS stuff...)...

+ if somebody tries to stop this response using meds

+ if somebody stops, tapers the meds...

 

=the system is even more disregulated...

+ somebody (like me) is not really mindful and goes to a psychiatrist...

OUCH...

I think it is an emotion that is based in some truth, but amplified by the drugs?

 

These feelings will pass. It is horrible experiencing them at the time, but they will subside.

 

Can I pick your brain about the liquid Escitalopram, Ikam?

 

Is it safe to keep the liquid in the fridge for up to 3 days? Does the medication remain stable? 

 

I'm hoping to receive my syringes and bottles tomorrow. The pill crusher arrived today. Hopefully I can get started tomorrow, fingers crossed!


1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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ikam

I don't know how to answer your question about liquid escitalopram and keeping it in the fridge...

Hopefully there will be somebody who knows better...

 

Could you also post this question on your thread?

 

Called Samaritans, I am a bit better now...

 

I think I tried to bury my emotions, to pretend that they don't exist. Esitalopram "helped" me with no responding...Now the emotions are louder...


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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Tilly

When are you due to see your therapist again? Could you bring your appointment forward? Would that help? I hate to see you struggle like this x


1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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ikam

I have weekly sessions with him...It is more an attachment based therapy (long-term)...I need to hold until my next session...

 

I will get better...


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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Tilly

Attachment therapy will help you in your withdrawal process, Ikam. That's really positive.

 

I have just had my therapy for this evening. I watched the ducklings swim and nestle with their Mum. They are adorable  :)

 

Having some dinner now and settling down for an early night. Don't forget to eat. You need to keep your strength up, especially when emotions are low.

 

Have a peaceful evening, Ikam.

 

Speak again tomorrow.

 

Tilly x


1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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ikam

Thank you. I am going o sleep early tonight as well...I am so exhausted...

 

I spoke to my therapist on a phone...reconnected with my anger, which is better than depression...

 

Hope you will sleep well tonight...


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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