ikam: tapering escitalopram

[ikam]

Forgot to add, there is one positive change, I have not had paraesthesia for a week...

[LexAnger]

Congrat to you!

Same here. One of the most intolerable and painful symptoms.

[JanCarol]

hey Ikam, just checking in.  It sounds like you've been through it and back.

 

On the whole, you sound less like a sick person - you sound more like a healthy person dealing with a sick situation.  I'm so sorry for that.  That's the hardest, when you feel trapped and alone, and you know that you need to work to survive, but don't have it in you.  I was in a similar way in 98.  I owned a house, and would lose the house if I didn't work.  

 

I used to take a walk every morning at 9 am, with a friend and her dog.  We walked the same walk, through the cemetery and talked of lots of nothing.  I am ever thankful for the time she spent to do that.  But she didn't understand what she was doing for me, or why.  She asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"  but I knew - and I told her - if I talked about it - I would cry.  If I cried, I would get a headache, and if I got a headache, I would be unable to work that day.  She is a Zen Master, and even SHE was relieved when I went to the psych people.

 

Please don't blame yourself for going to the psych people.  It's "what you do" when your situation becomes "too sick to deal with."  There is pressure from family, friends, work, and school to "conform" to this idea of what is productive and good - and how to survive in this dog eat dog world.

 

Gone are the communal days where the well cared for the sick, and there was a place to go for healing when you suffered insufficiencies.

 

I'm sure that your emotions are real - but I'm also sure that they are amplified by the withdrawal.  Emotions should be transient, like a river, flowing through.  But neuro emotions - are fiery and intense like your volcano description.  And they are sticky too - those ruminations just seem to be too hard to get rid of.  I get caught in them, too.  And the drugs, and the withdrawal from them, tend to make them more persistant, and chemically "stuck."  Like, you can do CBT until the cows come home - except the cows will never come home because of the ruminations feeding ruminations.  That's how you know that it is neuro emotion, or an unnatural amplification of your natural emotion.

 

I think it is impressive that you are looking at your source material - the stuff that drove you to the drugs to begin with.  Unravelling these traumatic strands are, in my opinion, a key to finding your way through them.  So - even though you're having a rough time - I say - good on ya - for looking at the tough stuff!  (and in some cases you think you have no choice - but really - you do.  If you wanted to hide from the tough stuff, you'd go back on the drugs, simple, right?   )  I'm also impressed that your therapist is right there with you.  Even if that's your only support, that's vital to your survival.

 

I have very little to offer you today, except maybe to share what I do when I can't do anything else:  coloring.  Look here to see what other people do:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8666-mandala-circles-might-help-with-ruminationsobsessive-thinking-and-anxiety/?hl=mandalas

 

Maybe it's something you can do on weekends, to help you unwind and to feed your emotions and work them out a bit.  Right now I've got 2 "crafty" projects going - I'm working on some engraving - I want to engrave a wooden sword for karate (that I may never do again, but a friend made such a beautiful bag for it, that I at least have to engrave it.).  Engraving my sword is owning it, making mine "different" from everybody else's (even though I may never go back).  But before I engrave the sword I need to practice a lot, by engraving the symbol onto scrap wood until I am confident I can do it well on the sword itself.  That's one project, the other is to color a Disney fairy godmother getting ready to transform Pinocchio into A Real Boy.  (serious stuff, I'm tellin' ya!)  Sometimes I'm even too overwhelmed to do that.  That is when I play stupid games on Facebook.

 

Distraction - even though it seems like you are "running away" for the time being - is a valid coping tool to help you get through the rough times.  Distract yourself for a minute - then that's a minute you are not suffering.  Distract yourself for an hour, even better.  

 

Because time is the best healer.  In your case, stress management may be important too - but time, that's the big one.  I know you want off the "poisons" as soon as possible - and you are wise to do so slowly.  It may be that you hold here another 6 months, maybe more, maybe less - but with all the stressors in your life - it's wise to leave the apple cart be.  Honor your wisdom, the intuition that told you to hold again.  You are a wise and intuitive woman!

 

And while it's hard right now, in a year's time, you may be in a totally different place, with a totally different life, and the tapers will be easier or finished.  You can get through this - and you can, in time, thrive again.

[Tilly]

hey Ikam, just checking in.  It sounds like you've been through it and back.

 

On the whole, you sound less like a sick person - you sound more like a healthy person dealing with a sick situation.  I'm so sorry for that.  That's the hardest, when you feel trapped and alone, and you know that you need to work to survive, but don't have it in you.  I was in a similar way in 98.  I owned a house, and would lose the house if I didn't work.  

 

I used to take a walk every morning at 9 am, with a friend and her dog.  We walked the same walk, through the cemetery and talked of lots of nothing.  I am ever thankful for the time she spent to do that.  But she didn't understand what she was doing for me, or why.  She asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"  but I knew - and I told her - if I talked about it - I would cry.  If I cried, I would get a headache, and if I got a headache, I would be unable to work that day.  She is a Zen Master, and even SHE was relieved when I went to the psych people.

 

Please don't blame yourself for going to the psych people.  It's "what you do" when your situation becomes "too sick to deal with."  There is pressure from family, friends, work, and school to "conform" to this idea of what is productive and good - and how to survive in this dog eat dog world.

 

Gone are the communal days where the well cared for the sick, and there was a place to go for healing when you suffered insufficiencies.

 

I'm sure that your emotions are real - but I'm also sure that they are amplified by the withdrawal.  Emotions should be transient, like a river, flowing through.  But neuro emotions - are fiery and intense like your volcano description.  And they are sticky too - those ruminations just seem to be too hard to get rid of.  I get caught in them, too.  And the drugs, and the withdrawal from them, tend to make them more persistant, and chemically "stuck."  Like, you can do CBT until the cows come home - except the cows will never come home because of the ruminations feeding ruminations.  That's how you know that it is neuro emotion, or an unnatural amplification of your natural emotion.

 

I think it is impressive that you are looking at your source material - the stuff that drove you to the drugs to begin with.  Unravelling these traumatic strands are, in my opinion, a key to finding your way through them.  So - even though you're having a rough time - I say - good on ya - for looking at the tough stuff!  (and in some cases you think you have no choice - but really - you do.  If you wanted to hide from the tough stuff, you'd go back on the drugs, simple, right?   )  I'm also impressed that your therapist is right there with you.  Even if that's your only support, that's vital to your survival.

 

I have very little to offer you today, except maybe to share what I do when I can't do anything else:  coloring.  Look here to see what other people do:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8666-mandala-circles-might-help-with-ruminationsobsessive-thinking-and-anxiety/?hl=mandalas

 

Maybe it's something you can do on weekends, to help you unwind and to feed your emotions and work them out a bit.  Right now I've got 2 "crafty" projects going - I'm working on some engraving - I want to engrave a wooden sword for karate (that I may never do again, but a friend made such a beautiful bag for it, that I at least have to engrave it.).  Engraving my sword is owning it, making mine "different" from everybody else's (even though I may never go back).  But before I engrave the sword I need to practice a lot, by engraving the symbol onto scrap wood until I am confident I can do it well on the sword itself.  That's one project, the other is to color a Disney fairy godmother getting ready to transform Pinocchio into A Real Boy.  (serious stuff, I'm tellin' ya!)  Sometimes I'm even too overwhelmed to do that.  That is when I play stupid games on Facebook.

 

Distraction - even though it seems like you are "running away" for the time being - is a valid coping tool to help you get through the rough times.  Distract yourself for a minute - then that's a minute you are not suffering.  Distract yourself for an hour, even better.  

 

Because time is the best healer.  In your case, stress management may be important too - but time, that's the big one.  I know you want off the "poisons" as soon as possible - and you are wise to do so slowly.  It may be that you hold here another 6 months, maybe more, maybe less - but with all the stressors in your life - it's wise to leave the apple cart be.  Honor your wisdom, the intuition that told you to hold again.  You are a wise and intuitive woman!

 

And while it's hard right now, in a year's time, you may be in a totally different place, with a totally different life, and the tapers will be easier or finished.  You can get through this - and you can, in time, thrive again.

Great post, JanCarol! I totally agree!

 

I hope that you are well.

 

Tilly x

[Tilly]

Good Morning, Ikam 

 

How are you doing today?

 

Did you manage to have a good rest and get some sleep last night? Yesterday was an emotionally exhausting day for you. I hope that you have a more peaceful day today.

 

JanCarol's post above is very good and very true. Given time and support, you will progress and your life will transform as a result.

 

I believe that every crisis is an opportunity for change. Speaking personally, before I found this site, I never had the opportunity to speak openly about the nature of my difficulties or feel supported. As hard as this withdrawal process is, I now feel that I have found a good support network of people who truly understand and accept me for who I am. I am making genuine friendships that I believe will extend beyond this whole process including my friendship with you.

 

The loneliness of your weekends will not last indefinitely. With time and support, your world will open up beyond what you can imagine right now.

 

I'm not sure if you are working today? I hope you manage to get out at some point. It is another beautiful spring day. We have to make the most of them in the UK as they can be few and far between so are much more precious!

 

Take good care of you and speak soon.

 

Tilly x

[ikam]

Tilly and JanCarol, I will get back to you at some point. There was a huge accident on my way back home, took me over 4 hours to get back. I am very tired now. Work tomorrow...

[Tilly]

Glad to hear that you got home safely. Rest well and speak tomorrow.

 

Night night x

[ikam]

Hi Tilly, thanks for your support. I was exhausted yesterday, 4.5 hours in a car! I was very tired at work today. I will be going to sleep soon...

I hope you are feeling less unsettled...that you got yourself on correct dose...

 

Sorry, I don't even know what to write...

still very tired...

[ikam]

 

hey Ikam, just checking in.  It sounds like you've been through it and back.

 

On the whole, you sound less like a sick person - you sound more like a healthy person dealing with a sick situation.  I'm so sorry for that.  That's the hardest, when you feel trapped and alone, and you know that you need to work to survive, but don't have it in you.  I was in a similar way in 98.  I owned a house, and would lose the house if I didn't work.  

 

I used to take a walk every morning at 9 am, with a friend and her dog.  We walked the same walk, through the cemetery and talked of lots of nothing.  I am ever thankful for the time she spent to do that.  But she didn't understand what she was doing for me, or why.  She asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"  but I knew - and I told her - if I talked about it - I would cry.  If I cried, I would get a headache, and if I got a headache, I would be unable to work that day.  She is a Zen Master, and even SHE was relieved when I went to the psych people.

 

Please don't blame yourself for going to the psych people.  It's "what you do" when your situation becomes "too sick to deal with."  There is pressure from family, friends, work, and school to "conform" to this idea of what is productive and good - and how to survive in this dog eat dog world.

 

Gone are the communal days where the well cared for the sick, and there was a place to go for healing when you suffered insufficiencies.

 

I'm sure that your emotions are real - but I'm also sure that they are amplified by the withdrawal.  Emotions should be transient, like a river, flowing through.  But neuro emotions - are fiery and intense like your volcano description.  And they are sticky too - those ruminations just seem to be too hard to get rid of.  I get caught in them, too.  And the drugs, and the withdrawal from them, tend to make them more persistant, and chemically "stuck."  Like, you can do CBT until the cows come home - except the cows will never come home because of the ruminations feeding ruminations.  That's how you know that it is neuro emotion, or an unnatural amplification of your natural emotion.

 

I think it is impressive that you are looking at your source material - the stuff that drove you to the drugs to begin with.  Unravelling these traumatic strands are, in my opinion, a key to finding your way through them.  So - even though you're having a rough time - I say - good on ya - for looking at the tough stuff!  (and in some cases you think you have no choice - but really - you do.  If you wanted to hide from the tough stuff, you'd go back on the drugs, simple, right?   )  I'm also impressed that your therapist is right there with you.  Even if that's your only support, that's vital to your survival.

 

I have very little to offer you today, except maybe to share what I do when I can't do anything else:  coloring.  Look here to see what other people do:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8666-mandala-circles-might-help-with-ruminationsobsessive-thinking-and-anxiety/?hl=mandalas

 

Maybe it's something you can do on weekends, to help you unwind and to feed your emotions and work them out a bit.  Right now I've got 2 "crafty" projects going - I'm working on some engraving - I want to engrave a wooden sword for karate (that I may never do again, but a friend made such a beautiful bag for it, that I at least have to engrave it.).  Engraving my sword is owning it, making mine "different" from everybody else's (even though I may never go back).  But before I engrave the sword I need to practice a lot, by engraving the symbol onto scrap wood until I am confident I can do it well on the sword itself.  That's one project, the other is to color a Disney fairy godmother getting ready to transform Pinocchio into A Real Boy.  (serious stuff, I'm tellin' ya!)  Sometimes I'm even too overwhelmed to do that.  That is when I play stupid games on Facebook.

 

Distraction - even though it seems like you are "running away" for the time being - is a valid coping tool to help you get through the rough times.  Distract yourself for a minute - then that's a minute you are not suffering.  Distract yourself for an hour, even better.  

 

Because time is the best healer.  In your case, stress management may be important too - but time, that's the big one.  I know you want off the "poisons" as soon as possible - and you are wise to do so slowly.  It may be that you hold here another 6 months, maybe more, maybe less - but with all the stressors in your life - it's wise to leave the apple cart be.  Honor your wisdom, the intuition that told you to hold again.  You are a wise and intuitive woman!

 

And while it's hard right now, in a year's time, you may be in a totally different place, with a totally different life, and the tapers will be easier or finished.  You can get through this - and you can, in time, thrive again.

Great post, JanCarol! I totally agree!

 

I hope that you are well.

 

Tilly x

 

I have been working on my trauma for years...every time I wanted to speed thing up, I had a set back, felt quite dissociated...I have had long and steady progress in my therapy...

 

I used to draw a lot in my past, somehow cannot get back to it...I know Mandalas, used to make ones myself...Mandala is a good process, I drew one over two years as I was unable to finish it...

 

I have thought about holding for longer. I agree it has not been the best time to make my further decrease...

I have been under ongoing stress for years, since I left job in 2010...

I wish there were 2.5mg tablets, it would be much easier...

[Tilly]

Hi Tilly, thanks for your support. I was exhausted yesterday, 4.5 hours in a car! I was very tired at work today. I will be going to sleep soon...

I hope you are feeling less unsettled...that you got yourself on correct dose...

 

Sorry, I don't even know what to write...

still very tired...

You are always very welcome. You have had a tough and exhausting week. I hope that you get some rest tonight and sleep well.

 

Speak tomorrow.

 

Night, night.

 

Tilly x

[Tilly]

Hi Ikam,

 

I'm just stopping by to wish you a peaceful day.

 

Catch up soon.

 

Tilly x

[JanCarol]

Hey Ikam, sorry you got so worn down by work and traffic.  

 

It's amazing that you work - I know I know you "have to" but really - you could stop and become a homeless - and you are not doing that, you are soldiering on!  

 

I just hope you can take time for yourself to heal - it's gonna take that - and not just time on a calendar, but time of rest, of recuperation, of sleep, of stability.

 

You said:  

 

 I have been working on my trauma for years...every time I wanted to speed thing up, I had a set back, felt quite dissociated...I have had long and steady progress in my therapy...

 

This reminds me of a quote from Baylissa Frederick - a trauma specialist.  She called it the coke bottle effect.

 

If you shake up a coke bottle (trauma)

You cannot just open the bottle.

You need to tap the lid gently with a fingernail, and loosen the lid just a bit to let some of the gas out. 

Then shut it down again and wait some more.

Try again, let a little more fizz out.

You have to be patient, or the bottle will explode.

 

That's what she says about trauma.  It cannot be hurried.  

 

But good onya for looking at it!

 

What are you going to do for yourself this weekend?  A walk?  A hot bath in epsom salts?  A quiet cuppa with a good book?  Do something for you.  You deserve it, and it will help you oh so much.

[ikam]

Hey Ikam, sorry you got so worn down by work and traffic.  

 

It's amazing that you work - I know I know you "have to" but really - you could stop and become a homeless - and you are not doing that, you are soldiering on!  

 

I just hope you can take time for yourself to heal - it's gonna take that - and not just time on a calendar, but time of rest, of recuperation, of sleep, of stability.

 

You said:  

 

I have been working on my trauma for years...every time I wanted to speed thing up, I had a set back, felt quite dissociated...I have had long and steady progress in my therapy...

 

This reminds me of a quote from Baylissa Frederick - a trauma specialist.  She called it the coke bottle effect.

 

If you shake up a coke bottle (trauma)

You cannot just open the bottle.

You need to tap the lid gently with a fingernail, and loosen the lid just a bit to let some of the gas out. 

Then shut it down again and wait some more.

Try again, let a little more fizz out.

You have to be patient, or the bottle will explode.

 

That's what she says about trauma.  It cannot be hurried.  

 

But good onya for looking at it!

 

What are you going to do for yourself this weekend?  A walk?  A hot bath in epsom salts?  A quiet cuppa with a good book?  Do something for you.  You deserve it, and it will help you oh so much.

 

I was on a workshop once on Trauma by B. Rotchild and she brought a bottle of coke, showing how to get it opened gently...I have been in my therapy really long, but it took me years just to trust my therapist...

 

Unfortunately, I have some work to do on Saturday. But I have Sunday off...I have not planed anything, but maybe I will try to go to my favourite park in London- Richmond Park. Depends on weather...

 

I hope, I will get some stability. I have had a difficult time for years. Since 2010 I changed about 10 jobs, moved house on three occasions, dealt with my husband tantrums and separation, had a major surgery, lots of other pain...

I want to see Northern Lights some time. Go for normal holidays...

[ikam]

 

Hi Tilly, thanks for your support. I was exhausted yesterday, 4.5 hours in a car! I was very tired at work today. I will be going to sleep soon...

I hope you are feeling less unsettled...that you got yourself on correct dose...

 

Sorry, I don't even know what to write...

still very tired...

You are always very welcome. You have had a tough and exhausting week. I hope that you get some rest tonight and sleep well.

 

Speak tomorrow.

 

Night, night.

 

Tilly x

 

 

 

Hi Ikam,

 

I'm just stopping by to wish you a peaceful day.

 

Catch up soon.

 

Tilly x

Thank you. Yes, it has been a very challenging week...

Hope you have been feeling more in control...

[ikam]

I am somehow much calmer after deciding that I will hold for longer...I was pressurising myself to get it done asap...this was so counterproductive...

[LoveandLight]

I'm glad you feel calmer and I hope you enjoy the park tomorow.

 

I feel the same would love some stability but I cannot seem to make decisions or settle..I hope this calms down sorts itself out for us both..it's a horrible way to live

 

Xx

[Tilly]

I am somehow much calmer after deciding that I will hold for longer...I was pressurising myself to get it done asap...this was so counterproductive...

This is great news, Ikam! 

 

Maybe the calm has come now that you have taken the pressure off yourself to taper so quickly? Our bodies and brains are very clever and quick to tell us when they are not happy with what we are doing to them 

 

Will you have a chance to enjoy the sunshine today? It's a beautiful day 

 

Tilly x

[ikam]

 

I am somehow much calmer after deciding that I will hold for longer...I was pressurising myself to get it done asap...this was so counterproductive...

This is great news, Ikam! 

 

Maybe the calm has come now that you have taken the pressure off yourself to taper so quickly? Our bodies and brains are very clever and quick to tell us when they are not happy with what we are doing to them 

 

Will you have a chance to enjoy the sunshine today? It's a beautiful day 

 

Tilly x

 

 

 

I'm glad you feel calmer and I hope you enjoy the park tomorow.

 

I feel the same would love some stability but I cannot seem to make decisions or settle..I hope this calms down sorts itself out for us both..it's a horrible way to live

 

Xx

I think my calmer feelings came from taking the decision to slow down. I put this "subject" on the shelf and I will at it some other time...

I got quickly settled after my mistake with tapering last week. I was on a lower dose only for two days...

 

It does not look like I will go to Richmond Park, I have enough travelling and it takes long time from here. I don't feel like leaving home today. I work from home today, have only Sunday to rest...

 

This "horrible way to live" is only temporary...

[Tilly]

 

 

I am somehow much calmer after deciding that I will hold for longer...I was pressurising myself to get it done asap...this was so counterproductive...

This is great news, Ikam! 

 

Maybe the calm has come now that you have taken the pressure off yourself to taper so quickly? Our bodies and brains are very clever and quick to tell us when they are not happy with what we are doing to them 

 

Will you have a chance to enjoy the sunshine today? It's a beautiful day 

 

Tilly x

 

 

 

I'm glad you feel calmer and I hope you enjoy the park tomorow.

 

I feel the same would love some stability but I cannot seem to make decisions or settle..I hope this calms down sorts itself out for us both..it's a horrible way to live

 

Xx

I think my calmer feelings came from taking the decision to slow down. I put this "subject" on the shelf and I will at it some other time...

I got quickly settled after my mistake with tapering last week. I was on a lower dose only for two days...

 

It does not look like I will go to Richmond Park, I have enough travelling and it takes long time from here. I don't feel like leaving home today. I work from home today, have only Sunday to rest...

 

This "horrible way to live" is only temporary...

 

Wow!

 

I see such a shift in your attitude this week Ikam. I'm so proud of you! Every crisis is an opportunity for change. It seems like you have transformed a very difficult week into such a positive approach. That takes a lot of courage and determination. Give yourself full credit for your achievements during this crisis. 

 

Enjoy a peaceful and restful day off tomorrow, my friend 

 

Huge hugs,

 

Tilly x

[ikam]

It has been a better day for me today...

No paraesthesia for over one week

Just tired, normally tired...

Forgot to say, I added a bit of Magnesium Glycinate (I have a powder form) to my evening supplements (I take something called Permavite for my stomach and Slippery Elm)...I think maybe this is what helped with paraesthesia...

I finished working until Monday 11.00am...

I had my 10 minutes ride on my bike, it was too cold for a longer ride...I bought this bike "for my leg", I had a serious surgery two years ago (benign tumour; it was investigated as sarcoma= this was so difficult time...I thought I could have died...I even bought a tree that is at my friend's bee garden in Poland)...So I bought a bike when I got a lump sum from my insurance...
When I was younger, much younger I was a very active person...
I am not doing enough, I stopped walking, just get to the car and back...oh, no, I walk to the shop (grin ) ...
I have never weighted so much...ouch...not that I really care, as I think I needed more nutrition anyway, and I know I will lose weight some time...

Enough for today...going to watch tv...

[Tilly]

Yay you!!! 

 

What a wonderful post! You really sound great. So bright and full of life. I am delighted for you, Ikam. I really am 

 

Put your feet up and enjoy a relaxing evening.

 

Huge hugs,

 

Tilly x

[LexAnger]

Hi Ikam,

 

So happy for you!

Riding bike, watching TV, all good sign of feeling better!

 

I used to bike every other day before this hit last aug. I havent been able to do so ever since. One major reason is my back problem though, although I believe it is also related to the WD.

 

Continue the great improvement!

Lex

[ikam]

Sunday, not good at all...typical Sunday low, when everything seems to be so difficult and impossible...but this is nothing new for me. since I remember I have had depressed Sundays...
 
I have had a headache durng the night and in the morning. It is a strange headache that I get every so often, it feels like stabbing or Knife-like pain, it is sharp short lasting, like someone has taken a knife or needle and rammed it into the skull. I guess it is another WD symptom, but makes me a bit concerned...

 

I will get over this Sunday mood, it may be that I am so tired that cannot get any energy going...

[Tilly]

Sunday, not good at all...typical Sunday low, when everything seems to be so difficult and impossible...but this is nothing new for me. since I remember I have had depressed Sundays...

 

I have had a headache durng the night and in the morning. It is a strange headache that I get every so often, it feels like stabbing or Knife-like pain, it is sharp short lasting, like someone has taken a knife or needle and rammed it into the skull. I guess it is another WD symptom, but makes me a bit concerned...

 

I will get over this Sunday mood, it may be that I am so tired that cannot get any energy going...

Hi Ikam,

 

I am sorry to hear that you are not feeling so good today. This is all part of the process and it sounds like you are understanding the reasons that you are feeling this way, which is good.

 

I don't usually have headaches, but they do occur when I make changes to my dose. The weather also impacts the severity for me. Yesterday as it became overcast I had a headache with a light headed feeling. 

 

How has your day progressed since you posted earlier this afternoon?

 

Tilly x

[ikam]

I am so low, but I think it originates from tiredness...when I am tired I have problem with challenging my negativity and it "gets me"...As usually I am so lonely on Sunday...

My therapist says, and I agree with him, that my internal "voices" (mother and father) become louder when I succeed...As they want to regain the balance and get me back to their misery of life...

 

I am at present in a type of limbo-land, everything temporary, with something for the future, but nothing is happening as yet...so type of waiting for things to slot in...

 

This headache is a very strange one, I get a type of stabbing, short lasting but very painful...

I was always prone to headaches, but never had anything like this...

[Tilly]

Your weekend loneliness will change as you progress with your withdrawal, Ikam. It will not always be this way.

 

I used to resist feeling tired, my limited functioning and use far too much energy fighting against negative feelings. Sometimes we just have to experience them in order to move on to the next stage of our life.

 

It is a positive thing that your home and aspects of your current situation are temporary, as they do not make you happy. Because they are temporary, you have more power to change these aspects of your life in ways to increase your happiness when you are more stabilised and in a position to do so. If you cannot make changes right now, you can think about and plan what changes will make you more happy. This gave me a sense of control when I was planning changes a few years ago but was not in an immediate position to make changes.

 

The symptoms of withdrawal are unpredictable and challenging, but they will pass as they are temporary too.

 

We have a lot of sunshine forecast for this coming week. Try and have a short bike ride tomorrow as a break from working at home? Even 10 minutes cycling in the sunshine can boost your mood and make you feel much better. I'm hoping to cycle this next week while we have sunshine. We have to make the most of it when it appears in the UK 

 

Rest well and be kind to yourself.

 

Tilly x

[ikam]

You may be surprised, but I don't like sunshine and warm weather here. For me it means that people are becoming more noisy, open windows, loud music, picnicking. Moreover, it gets so hot at work...

 

But I know, sunshine is important...

I like it when I am on holidays. Similarly with snow...

 

Sine WD and my other problems I like when it is dark, days are short...

 

I think I will be going to sleep soon...

[Tilly]

Good morning, Ikam.

 

Did you rest well? I hope so.

 

I hope that your week is peaceful.

 

Tilly x

[ikam]

I did not sleep too well...woke up kind of numb...I wonder if this is something to do with blood circulation.
The noise here (outside and above) is at its highest...Cannot remove myself from it...

Not too well at present

[Tilly]

Try to get out today, Ikam. Escape the crazy making noise and go cycling. The sun is coming out here. Is the weather good where you are?

[ikam]

I had to stay home until now, then I go to London for my therapy.

 

Tilly, I don't like when it is warm and sunshine anymore...

 

The nearby park is just close to the construction site, and they work today...nowhere to escape the noise...everything else is too far away...

[ikam]

It was a difficult day in the morning. As I was working from home I was unable to go out. I felt trapped...I may be exaggerating a bit, but the noise was real. they were demolishing one building, also digging holes, moving soil to other places...Upstairs there was a handy man repairing something...Ohhh...it is not a good place to feel relaxed...

I managed, I survived...

It is quiet now...the way I like it...

[Tilly]

I hope that you have a better day today, Ikam.

 

Tilly x

[Songbird]

Would it be feasible to wear some headphones playing some nice relaxing music?

[ikam]

I hope that you have a better day today, Ikam.

 

Tilly x

 

 

Would it be feasible to wear some headphones playing some nice relaxing music?

I have some music on...

It is so difficult as I feel trapped...

This is not only about noise, it is about distance to work, losing money, etc. etc...

I am just so tired of this situation and cannot change it at present...

My contract for flat will end in July, but I will not have money to move out...

 

So I think the noise is most obvious, but this is about the rest...that I feel trapped, with no hope for change...

[ikam]

As I said in my previous message, I am finding it difficult to live here...

But the most difficult is what I do it is a negative, miserable thinking...I think I make it more difficult than it is...

 

But the reality for today was as follows. I set off 1 o'clock, had problem with parking place (I tend to go to the station that connects me with underground, leave my car there and continue using train and tube). I managed to get two stops, changed for tube, got to my usual tube train, to discover that there are problems (somebody on a track), then changed three different trains. Arrive to the place half an hour late...it was important to be on time. Met my client for one hour (but I was so tired from travelling). Set on my journey back. arrived home 7.15pm...tired, type of dizzy...Still need to do some extra work, but too tired...

Am I exaggerating, or is this really difficult? I always have problems with judgment...Would anybody be tired at my place?

I have to get up tomorrow at 6am, drive for two hours...work 8 hours, drive two hours, etc...

 

it was kind of "fun" when it was in the beginning, but now I am just getting more and more exhausted...

 

I am also losing money as most of my potential clients don't want to travel here...

 

I need money to move back to London...

 

Am I exaggerating? If yes, how to stop this???

 

WD makes it more difficult, I am more tired than usually...

 

I cannot stop working...

 

I am exhausted now...really exhausted...

 

The noise is something that magnifies all other issues...

 

It is a nice two bedroom flat...

 

:(

 

It is 8.20pm, I am ready to sleep...

 

I also don't have anything to recharge my batteries. Apart from sleeping...