Tilly Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 As I said in my previous message, I am finding it difficult to live here... But the most difficult is what I do it is a negative, miserable thinking...I think I make it more difficult than it is... But the reality for today was as follows. I set off 1 o'clock, had problem with parking place (I tend to go to the station that connects me with underground, leave my car there and continue using train and tube). I managed to get two stops, changed for tube, got to my usual tube train, to discover that there are problems (somebody on a track), then changed three different trains. Arrive to the place half an hour late...it was important to be on time. Met my client for one hour (but I was so tired from travelling). Set on my journey back. arrived home 7.15pm...tired, type of dizzy...Still need to do some extra work, but too tired... Am I exaggerating, or is this really difficult? I always have problems with judgment...Would anybody be tired at my place? I have to get up tomorrow at 6am, drive for two hours...work 8 hours, drive two hours, etc... it was kind of "fun" when it was in the beginning, but now I am just getting more and more exhausted... I am also losing money as most of my potential clients don't want to travel here... I need money to move back to London... Am I exaggerating? If yes, how to stop this??? WD makes it more difficult, I am more tired than usually... I cannot stop working... I am exhausted now...really exhausted... The noise is something that magnifies all other issues... It is a nice two bedroom flat... :( It is 8.20pm, I am ready to sleep... I also don't have anything to recharge my batteries. Apart from sleeping... Hi Ikam, You do seem to be in a cycle of negative thinking these past few days, which is understandable as you are not happy with your current living situation. You do have control over your situation. You are aware of what is making you unhappy, so consider what changes you can make.You can make small changes for the time being and do things that increase your happiness and plan for bigger future changes. Withdrawal is difficult on so many levels. But it also demands that we assess our lives and coping skills and make changes. In doing so, we will be better able to cope medication free when that time comes. Your work life balance seems to be very off kilter from what you say and is impacting on your well being. Our health is more precious than any job or home. I appreciate that you have to work to meet living expenses, but please think about options available to you that could minimise your stress. Do you need a 2 bedroomed flat? Would it be more cost effective to live and work in London where you are happier and can secure more work? What are you planning when your lease expires in July? Could you maybe explore cost effective rental options in London now in advance of your lease expiring? Maybe a flat share in London could be cost effective and provide you with some company? When in doubt, I list the pros and cons of a situation and the options available to me to help me to make a decision. Give it a try? Progress and change is a process that requires active & persistent effort, sometimes to see the smallest difference. Take small steps each day to make changes and see where they take you. I hope that you have a better day tomorrow, Ikam. Tilly x 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Songbird Posted April 22, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 22, 2015 Honestly, with your schedule I'd be exhausted after a day! I agree with Tilly - instead of just looking at all the problems you have and the reasons it seems you can't change them, see if you can brainstorm some potential solutions. Don't rule anything out at first, just come up with ideas, and then you may be able to figure out how to make some of them work. I'm not in the same situation, but I've also got money problems, and some days it all seems like a disaster, and other days I feel like I have options that may work. It's strange how the same situation can feel so different on different days, the mind is very powerful! Also, this may sound a bit cosmic, but I've found that when you focus on what you want with real intention, the universe can help to make it happen. So figure out what you want and set a time limit, e.g. "I am going to be out of this flat and living somewhere great within the next three months" and make it like a decision in your head. It may not happen exactly as you planned, but I think it really helps things to move in the right direction, however it works. 2001–2002 paroxetine 2003 citalopram 2004-2008 paroxetine (various failed tapers) 2008 paroxetine slow taper down to 2016 Aug off paroxetine2016 citalopram May 20mg Oct 15mg … slow taper down2018 citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg 18 Nov 3.8mg 2019 15 Mar 3.6mg 21 May 3.4mg 26 Dec 3.2mg 2020 19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg 2021 29 Aug 2.4mg 15 Nov 2.3mg Link to comment
ikam Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 Honestly, with your schedule I'd be exhausted after a day! I agree with Tilly - instead of just looking at all the problems you have and the reasons it seems you can't change them, see if you can brainstorm some potential solutions. Don't rule anything out at first, just come up with ideas, and then you may be able to figure out how to make some of them work. I'm not in the same situation, but I've also got money problems, and some days it all seems like a disaster, and other days I feel like I have options that may work. It's strange how the same situation can feel so different on different days, the mind is very powerful! Also, this may sound a bit cosmic, but I've found that when you focus on what you want with real intention, the universe can help to make it happen. So figure out what you want and set a time limit, e.g. "I am going to be out of this flat and living somewhere great within the next three months" and make it like a decision in your head. It may not happen exactly as you planned, but I think it really helps things to move in the right direction, however it works. As I said in my previous message, I am finding it difficult to live here... But the most difficult is what I do it is a negative, miserable thinking...I think I make it more difficult than it is... But the reality for today was as follows. I set off 1 o'clock, had problem with parking place (I tend to go to the station that connects me with underground, leave my car there and continue using train and tube). I managed to get two stops, changed for tube, got to my usual tube train, to discover that there are problems (somebody on a track), then changed three different trains. Arrive to the place half an hour late...it was important to be on time. Met my client for one hour (but I was so tired from travelling). Set on my journey back. arrived home 7.15pm...tired, type of dizzy...Still need to do some extra work, but too tired... Am I exaggerating, or is this really difficult? I always have problems with judgment...Would anybody be tired at my place? I have to get up tomorrow at 6am, drive for two hours...work 8 hours, drive two hours, etc... it was kind of "fun" when it was in the beginning, but now I am just getting more and more exhausted... I am also losing money as most of my potential clients don't want to travel here... I need money to move back to London... Am I exaggerating? If yes, how to stop this??? WD makes it more difficult, I am more tired than usually... I cannot stop working... I am exhausted now...really exhausted... The noise is something that magnifies all other issues... It is a nice two bedroom flat... :( It is 8.20pm, I am ready to sleep... I also don't have anything to recharge my batteries. Apart from sleeping... Hi Ikam, You do seem to be in a cycle of negative thinking these past few days, which is understandable as you are not happy with your current living situation. You do have control over your situation. You are aware of what is making you unhappy, so consider what changes you can make.You can make small changes for the time being and do things that increase your happiness and plan for bigger future changes. Withdrawal is difficult on so many levels. But it also demands that we assess our lives and coping skills and make changes. In doing so, we will be better able to cope medication free when that time comes. Your work life balance seems to be very off kilter from what you say and is impacting on your well being. Our health is more precious than any job or home. I appreciate that you have to work to meet living expenses, but please think about options available to you that could minimise your stress. Do you need a 2 bedroomed flat? Would it be more cost effective to live and work in London where you are happier and can secure more work? What are you planning when your lease expires in July? Could you maybe explore cost effective rental options in London now in advance of your lease expiring? Maybe a flat share in London could be cost effective and provide you with some company? When in doubt, I list the pros and cons of a situation and the options available to me to help me to make a decision. Give it a try? Progress and change is a process that requires active & persistent effort, sometimes to see the smallest difference. Take small steps each day to make changes and see where they take you. I hope that you have a better day tomorrow, Ikam. Tilly x I took two bedroom flat, as I changed (promotion) a job and was earning really good money. I resigned from that job after four months of trying to get on with their standards. I started Escitalopram, as I hoped (stupid me!) that it would help me to kill emotions. The reason I resigned related to unethical standards of dealing with clients...I was not able to work against my values... I need one extra room to see my clients privately...I will not be able to rent just a room/flat share (I have thought already about this), as I have too many things, and I also work from home...I would need to pay for a storage and I would not be able to get any extra work. Since I have moved here I have lost few potential clients, who did not to travel here...So this is so frustrating when I need money and lose some potential clients... Yes, there is a solution. This will require more work...and I got some extra contract, decided to take it... I need to show my bank that I can earn money, so I will apply for a business loan...but they need to see that I get contracts from London...I used to get more contracts when I was in London, and my financial situation got bad when I moved here. So I will be able to show my bank when the decline in my earnings occurred... I somehow think that if I will be working extra, it will motivate me and I will see this as a chance of getting out from here... I think the universe is already working for me...I got this contract...something else...hopefully this will materialise... Then, I will have to prepare for selling the house that is up North (it is in a negative equity...)...Then I will need to apply for flats for over 55 in London. They tend to be cheaper... I was very tired today morning, did not want to get up. But did not let my negativity to keep me in bed, got up, drove to work...I am back, I am tired, but bit more hopeful... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
Tilly Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Hi Ikam, I hope that your situation improves slowly but surely. I am concerned about you taking on more work and financial responsibilities as this can add to the existing pressure & stress that you already have. I can only speak from my own experience of burnout and how this impacted on me. I believe that I displaced and subconsciously avoided my issues and needs for several years by helping others and immersing myself in work. I had a very poor quality of life during this period and was very much alone and isolated as work took up pretty much all of my waking hours. My only saviour was going to the gym during this period. However, I became so burned out that I was no longer able to work or go the gym any more. I wasn't in withdrawal during this time, but believe that I was in tolerance withdrawal at regular intervals. My CNS became so overwhelmed by long term use of SSRIs, chronic stress and the overwhelming need to work to survive, it completely shut down. My body refused to co operate. I could not work or function and I developed agoraphobia which I am still battling 4 years on. I really wouldn't wish what I have experienced on anyone. I worry for you, Ikam. I have always been highly functioning, outgoing, optimistic and travelled extensively, worldwide, on my own on several occasions. I thought that I could take the stress. That my strength and experience would cushion it. I was physically strong, emotionally intelligent, relatively young (in my 30's). However, I wasn't nurturing any aspects of myself, other than my physical needs. My body told me enough was enough and gave out on me. Maybe this needed to happen. Maybe my stressful way of life would have continued had my body not refused to comply with the stress I was putting it through. I believe that it saved me in a lot of ways. However, it is a very painful process through which to learn these lessons. My values and overall quality of life is much better, but I am still rebuilding my health and confidence 4 years on. Take care, Ikam. Our health is so precious and easier to maintain and protect than it is to rebuild. Try to find some balance in your days to nurture your needs daily. Tilly x 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
ikam Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 I understand. If I don't take any risk my situation will get worse...I am talking about taking on more work only temporary...I do look after myself, eating well, and sleeping a lot... If I don't do anything, that means extra work, I will be in more stress...It is catch 22 situation... If I stop working, or work less, I will not be able to pay my bills...I will be in more stress... I did not get this extra contract anyway...it is very frustrating, as it happens regularly that I have something that brings hope and then nothing happens... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Songbird Posted April 24, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 24, 2015 I'm in a similar situation, struggling to pay the bills. But at least you've started to think about potential solutions. As you say, something needs to change. 2001–2002 paroxetine 2003 citalopram 2004-2008 paroxetine (various failed tapers) 2008 paroxetine slow taper down to 2016 Aug off paroxetine2016 citalopram May 20mg Oct 15mg … slow taper down2018 citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg 18 Nov 3.8mg 2019 15 Mar 3.6mg 21 May 3.4mg 26 Dec 3.2mg 2020 19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg 2021 29 Aug 2.4mg 15 Nov 2.3mg Link to comment
ikam Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 It seems that whatever move I make now, it will affect my health... It was a bit easier to deal with WD when I was off work...but I pay the consequences now in terms of my financial situation...Anyway, when I was off work I was so worried if I would ever get any job... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 It's so hard, isn't it... 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
ikam Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 Thank you. Yes, because I had a possibility I would stop working...for many reasons... I am feeling tired today, but slept 12 hours and have a lazy morning... I always think that it would be more difficult if I had family...although I feel so lonely in times... The extra contract I was thinking about did not materialise. Had I been in London I would have get it! It has been so many times now...I need money, but I lose them as I am not in the right place.. This is the reason why I push so much with getting back to London...But I need money for this, etc.etc.... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 have not had night like this for long. and this is nothing to do with WD. this is LIFE...I am so worried about something...there is another chance for well paid job, but...I don't think I will get it... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
Tilly Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Hi Ikam, I am a night owl this evening too I have no suggestions, just the belief that if you want something enough and work towards making it happen in a structured way, it will manifest. Just take care not to harm yourself in the process. I care about you and worry about you. Hugs, Tillyx 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
ikam Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 Nice photo... Please do not worry...I am doing the best I can... I will feel really bad if I don't get this job...I passed the interview last week, but now need to go through some checks, including drug tests... I will try to get some sleep now... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
Tilly Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Rest well and be gentle with yourself, Ikam. You are in my thoughts and I am hoping that your week is kind to you and brings you all that you need. Hugs, Tilly x 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Songbird Posted April 27, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 27, 2015 Try not to worry as it will only make you feel bad. I know it is hard not to, but with practice you can train yourself to let go of worry. It is something I've been working on for years, and it does get easier with practice. If it is meant to be, then you will get the job. If not, there is another path meant for you. This is what I tell myself often, anyway. 2001–2002 paroxetine 2003 citalopram 2004-2008 paroxetine (various failed tapers) 2008 paroxetine slow taper down to 2016 Aug off paroxetine2016 citalopram May 20mg Oct 15mg … slow taper down2018 citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg 18 Nov 3.8mg 2019 15 Mar 3.6mg 21 May 3.4mg 26 Dec 3.2mg 2020 19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg 2021 29 Aug 2.4mg 15 Nov 2.3mg Link to comment
ikam Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 Try not to worry as it will only make you feel bad. I know it is hard not to, but with practice you can train yourself to let go of worry. It is something I've been working on for years, and it does get easier with practice. If it is meant to be, then you will get the job. If not, there is another path meant for you. This is what I tell myself often, anyway. Rest well and be gentle with yourself, Ikam. You are in my thoughts and I am hoping that your week is kind to you and brings you all that you need. Hugs, Tilly x It is difficult to tell my mind to stop creating catastrophic images...I woke up around 5am with them... I know that I put too much emphasis on this opportunity, but... Cannot switch off worrying... For me getting this job means getting back to London... I feel so trapped here... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 Liquid escitalopram question: I make my liquid from one 10mg tablet, get four 10ml syringes. Shall I keep it in fridge? I have noticed that this liquid evaporates, I think...as on my fourth day there is less than 10ml left... Something is not right here... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
LexAnger Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 I wouldnt worry about the temperature unless it's extreame. To prevent it from evabrating, I think it good enough to store it in a container with a cap so you can close it. Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
ikam Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 I wouldnt worry about the temperature unless it's extreame. To prevent it from evabrating, I think it good enough to store it in a container with a cap so you can close it. Thank you... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 Relapsed??? I have done something STUPID today. Took doxepin 75mg in the morning, was hoping it would knock me down and that I would sleep all day...I am a bit drowsy and have a headache... Last time when I took extra doxepin was back in December. I used to have this tendency, taking even 250mg.. I am not happy with myself... But still I have some strong thoughts that I want to switch off my brain, my feelings- just to sleep... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted May 1, 2015 Author Share Posted May 1, 2015 Better... I am able to take multivitamin...this is good, as I have had some deficiency... I am also able to take some product for my joints with turmeric... I have been on Magnesium Glycinate (powdered) for around 2 weeks now... I am holding on 2.5mg...feeling stable... My relapse was one off event...I felt so low (it is something normal for me since I remember), as my therapist is going on holidays... My life has been challenging for some time now. It feels as if everything has been more sharp and "narrow"...if I don't move back to London I will be not able to earn money, but I have no money to go to London...My flat agent was pressurising me on taking decision...apparently I have two months notice (I thought only one). How can I take decision when I know nothing about my finances in next few months? If I stay here, my rent will be increased, etc. etc... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted May 2, 2015 Author Share Posted May 2, 2015 :ph34r:just got a letter that my Landlady is terminating my contract on 14th July... I have not done anything for this to happen, so I don't understand her reasons... As per today, I have no money to move out... I hate this place!!! :angry: But maybe this is better as somebody have taken a decision for me... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted May 3, 2015 Author Share Posted May 3, 2015 Update:I must be doing something "correct" at last. I have had no paresthesia for a long time, don't remember when last time. I have less pains and aches. It seems that most of them are related to working and driving (e.g. typing on computer gives me a numb feeling in my right hand- looks as something with ulnar nerve; sitting gives me pelvic pain, etc.)...I have been feeling more stable, despite of ongoing problems... At present I need to concentrate on organising my next place to live. I will most likely leave my things in the storage and rent a room. All depends on price, as storage is quite expensive... I am going to hold on 2.5mg for longer... I have been able to add magnesium, multivitamin, permavite (http://www.allergyresearchgroup.com/perm-a-vite-powder-300-grams-10.6-oz.) and proenzyme (http://www.nutriwest-uk.com/catalogue/pro-infla-zyme/)There is one strange thing though, constant craving for sweets. I ate almost no sweets before. Also I seem to be eating more...Maybe trying to regain more energy? - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
LexAnger Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Cheering!!! So happy for you and hats off to you for being sp strong for the achievement! I'm sure your paresthasia and pain are from the meds not others. I got them all regardless. It must be stablizaing! Continue healing! Lex Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
ikam Posted May 3, 2015 Author Share Posted May 3, 2015 Thank you I always get pains or numbness that- I think- relates to the activities, e.g. I spend couple of hours on my laptop and my small finger, right hand feels strange...But, I guess it could be both, meds and activities... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
Tilly Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Hey Ikam, I'm stopping by, while I am able, to send you hugs, love and healing. You are on the right path. All will be well. Have faith in your abilities and your strength. I believe in you I hope that your weekend is kind to you. Your friend, Tilly x 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
ikam Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 Thank you Tilly. I am a bit low today...more negative...maybe my usual weekend mood...just feeling lonely... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted May 10, 2015 Author Share Posted May 10, 2015 Sunday, as usually I am low and exhausted... I think I use so much energy during the week that I am left with none...hence exhaustion during the weekend... I think it is both, just natural exhaustion + WD... I wish I could deal just with WD... I have never felt so tired... I am uncertain about my future...almost all is uncertain at present and I feel as if having no ground...temporary work, temporary flat...not enough money... I have managed to organise a new flat, paid deposit, moving out around 10th July...worried if I will have enough money for this... I should go for a job interview on Wednesday but have no energy to prepare for this. Would be good to read a book. I have this book...have no energy... Thinking now: maybe I should give in to the tiredness today, just lie down and do nothing...? I just checked my blood pressure it is 102/78...and this is after my breakfast with a string tea... I have had this low BP for some time now. Is this Escitalopram? Or Magnesium? Or both? I don't write a lot at present, as when I start concentrating on symptoms they worse...I have noticed that on the days when I am at work I simply have no time to concentrate on symptoms and I feel better... Also, when I read other people threads I get panicky...so sorry that I don't contribute more... I think I experience so called neuro-emotions, e.g. severe anxiety in the morning, but also my life has been so stressful that can create anxiety... I know that my physical pain is related to WD (I get strange pains in different parts of my body; the most difficult one is "the stabbing one" in my head, also strange burning pains in my neck and back...but also my life, e.g. driving long hours and sitting at work can contribute to pain... So, as usually, I am a bit confused about WD and life related factors...I don't want to deny WD but I also don't want to "demonise" it...Not everything is WD, but more than I thought is WD... I wish I could just stop, get as much time as I need to deal with WD... Anyway, I am holding on 2.5mg until I move house and get used to it... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted May 10, 2015 Author Share Posted May 10, 2015 My blood pressure got even lower, 97/68 after getting up. Should I stop magnesium? Or decrease beta-blocker? Feeling really dizzy today... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
clearday Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 During my Prozac WD years, I had daily chronic fatigue. Fatigue was by far my worst symptom back then. It eventually went away, but it took a long time. Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
ikam Posted May 10, 2015 Author Share Posted May 10, 2015 I am OK in the week, when I am busy, but during the weekend it hits me... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted May 11, 2015 Author Share Posted May 11, 2015 Severe anxiety in the morning...would I be anxious if not WD? Impossible to answer... My financial problems have been overwhelming... I felt I don't want to be alive...this is becoming stronger...just to use all the meds I have... What stops me from doing this? Only thought that I may survive and have even more problems... I don't want to be alive...I am tired, hopeless... Is this neuro-emotion? I felt suicidal when I was 14, I was not on meds that time... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 Can anybody explain me why there is such a huge difference between morning and evening feelings/sensations/experiences... I tend to wake up with severe anxiety, type of paraesthesia, worry that I will get ill.. Then when I get up it is followed by low mood, negativity, hopelessness, no motivation, low concentration... Then, after some activity, I get better, I have lots of plans, I feel hopeful, I know I will manage, etc. Then in the morning I turn it against myself, that I don't do enough...that I made many mistakes...and I feel hopeless, suicidal (sometimes severe)... The anxiety has started after I received a letter from my Landlady, terminating my tenancy... I feel so lost in what is what- what is "just life" and what is WD? I definitely respond stronger.. - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ten0275 Posted May 12, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 12, 2015 ikam, hey. i think the morning cortisol cycle probably accounts for a good deal, or at least some, of it. those of us who are in withdrawal can find ourselves at a huge disadvantage for handling "just life" stressors that would challenge even those without the hindrance of withdrawal. to me, it seems logical to presume that the portion of the day where you "get better, I have lots of plans, I feel hopeful, I know I will manage, etc.," is the essential you, the underlying you beneath the symptoms. i think it will likely be the "you" that will remain when withdrawal is complete. it has been the case for me. step out into times square, new york city feeling relaxed, calm, and at ease with life and the stressors you encounter in the hustle and bustle are manageable. step out into times square, new york city with a migraine, dizziness, and tummy troubles and all of the sudden the hustle and bustle is catastrophic and crippling. it is normal to feel lost in trying to sort out what is symptoms and was is "just life." my suggestion would be to abstain from the process of sorting altogether. not because i don't think it is worthwhile to seek, but because it is too hard to accomplish - it is too hard to discern. the best i could do was to follow everything back to the seed from which it began. if you walk back the emotion to the seed of its cause and find nothing distinct, that would be a good indication that you are having some true-blue neuro-emotions. if you can walk it back to something like termination of tenancy, well then that is the grittiness of human life - albeit intensified by the symptoms you experience. but suffering is suffering, no matter where it originates. i so wish withdrawal was more clear-cut. hang in there and listen to the planning, hopeful, and able-to-manage you! dave 1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞 Link to comment
ikam Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 It makes sense... My nervous system has been weakened and I deal with lots of life stressors at present... Since receiving this termination I have been feeling less secure and anxiety + strange paraesthesia type sensations have returned... I have managed to organise a new place/but still have to stay here for two months...this waiting makes me so tired and impatient... I am not going for a job interview tomorrow...I cut down on some work... But this increases my insecure feelings... Mornings are so difficult, so suicidal...sometimes I think I should not keep Lexapro liquid at home...but so far I have not acted on my thoughts... I have also noticed this strange cognitive inability...but also simply lack of motivation to do anything... I was panicking today morning that I will stay cognitively impaired...possibly it is just subjective...it is much more difficult as English is my second language, but I have to do lots of writing...I think I used to be more able... It is strange, as it seems I lost ability to remember things well...but it may be simply related to system overload and age... There are many emotions that have triggers...but I think I feel stronger, longer...but I always have been like this (I have PTSD from childhood, so my autonomic nervous system has been deregulated)... Yes, you right, no mater if this is neuro-emotion, or emotion, if it is difficult, it feels difficult... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 Additionally, I have had a quite low blood pressure...Sometimes I get up and feel so dizzy...I checked my blood pressure was around 100 to 59... I was thinking that maybe I should cut on Doxepin or beta-blocker... I take 75mg doxepin in evening and twice a day 25mg of atenolol... I have managed to cut down omeprazole to once a day in evening...I have been using more supplements for this (slippery elm and Permavite) I have been also using Magnesium Glycinate in evening/powder, around one flat tea spoon - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 I had a very low blood pressure today again, 96/63. Felt very weak, did not go to work. I think that this tingling in my hands and feet may relate to this... Could it be from magnesium? - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
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