ikam: tapering escitalopram

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Ummmm, there's  this....

 

Interactions between your selected drugs: atenolol ↔ doxepin

 

Applies to: atenolol, doxepin

 

Atenolol and doxepin may have additive effects in lowering your blood pressure. You may experience headache, dizziness, lightheadedness, fainting, and/or changes in pulse or heart rate. These side effects are most likely to be seen at the beginning of treatment, following a dose increase, or when treatment is restarted after an interruption. Let your doctor know if you develop these symptoms and they do not go away after a few days or they become troublesome. Avoid driving or operating hazardous machinery until you know how the medications affect you, and use caution when getting up from a sitting or lying position. It is important to tell your doctor about all other medications you use, including vitamins and herbs. Do not stop using any medications without first talking to your doctor.

[ikam]

I have been on doxepin and atenolol for at least three years, always had problems with fast heart rate and diastolic hypertension.

 

My BP and pulse have been low since on escitalopram...

 

I have not increased atenolol neither doxepin...

 

I often get really dizzy after getting up...

[ikam]

ikam, hey.

 

i think the morning cortisol cycle probably accounts for a good deal, or at least some, of it. those of us who are in withdrawal can find ourselves at a huge disadvantage for handling "just life" stressors that would challenge even those without the hindrance of withdrawal.

 

to me, it seems logical to presume that the portion of the day where you "get better, I have lots of plans, I feel hopeful, I know I will manage, etc.," is the essential you, the underlying you beneath the symptoms. i think it will likely be the "you" that will remain when withdrawal is complete. it has been the case for me.

 

I am so unhappy when the "morning person" takes over, as it happened yesterday- I woke up feeling very negative, hopeless, etc. Did not want to do anything, especially getting up...And listened to this, turned my alarm clock, called sick to work, slept all day...

The morning person seems so often powerful...but when I get up, start doing things I have this feeling of accomplishment, achievement...

And then, in the morning I struggle again...

It used to be my family trait, nobody happy in the morning, hardly talking to one another...

 

 

i so wish withdrawal was more clear-cut.

 

hang in there and listen to the planning, hopeful, and able-to-manage you!

 

The planning, hopeful and able-to-manage me does not exist in the morning...

I feel much happier when I manage to overcome this feeling/persona...It "tries to destroy me", as it is so destructive...it talks in suicidal images...

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Something has changed. The combo of drugs is not recommended but your body adjusted to it. But something is changing somewhere and causing symptoms. You'll have to do some detective work to figure it out. Stop any supplements and see if any of them are causing it. Foods can have an effect sometimes too. It is possible that the atenolol may need to be reduced....

[ikam]

The very first time my BP and pulse got so low was just before I went to the emergency in December, but I was that time on a cocktail of meds. I don't take many supplements, something for stomach acid (Permavite), it helped me to reduce PPI from twice a day to once a day...So it could be that I decreased PPI? Also I take magnesium glycinate in evening, around 100mg...

[ikam]

Do symptoms come and go? Since the news from my Landlady, I have had more paraesthesia, tingling type of sensations, also more pain...

I do worry a lot if I will have enough money to move out...

I have everything organised, including transport...Moving out on 11th July. If I felt better I would have taken more extra work. I tried, but started to feel very tired...

[LoveandLight]

Look after yourself ((Ikam)) cx

[ikam]

I am trying my best, but I am not feeling well...

Now, when I have organised many things in my life, I am finding myself feeling more and more suicidal...My day usually starts from some anxious feelings around 5am, staying in bed and feeling more and more negative...the thoughts are turning to plans...It was very strong today morning...

I feel generally empty and that I have nothing to stay "here" for...I have no contact with my family of origins...I have only phone contact with my friend...

My life is work, work, and work...no pleasure, nothing to recharge myself...

Even when I want to rest there is always something disturbing in the flat (construction site, neighbours...)...

I am almost not going out...(I used to be out almost everyday one year ago...)...

 

On the surface, other people would say I am succeeding...I don't feel it anymore...I see myself getting worse in all aspects of my life...

[AliG]

  Ikam, Have you heard from Tilly?   I know you're not feeling well, but I'm worried. Each day I'm hoping to hear, from Tilly, but nothing.   I'm so worried. 

[ikam]

Only two days ago she said "thank you" via text message. I have not had contact with her, sorry...I will text her that people are worried...

[ikam]

It seems I have a wave- suicidal, low, lots of tingling, some mild hand tremor, pain, etc. Kind of "depressed"...(I don't want to be alive, I am TIRED of this constant struggle and consequences of wrong decisions...

Four years ago I was drug free; I wasted my chance...I am far worse this time...

[AliG]

Thank you, Ikam.

[ikam]

I asked her to get in touch, but as far as I am aware, she may have her phone "off"...I cannot do more...sorry...

[ikam]

I am feeling hopeless, I have more symptoms/problems than 4 years ago (tapering Effexor and other meds)...I never had paraesthesia that time, neither tingling or hand tremor...

I was still with my husband and had a kind of more secure job...

 

I have temporary job now, which may finish at any time, temporary accommodation and financial worries...I am menopausal, seem to be kind of weaker and ill...

I am so tired...

 

I feel very LONELY...

 

Went to the park today, nice place not far away...

 

I don't understand why I have such problems with motivating myself to go out...

 

Each morning I have a fight with myself...I just don't want to get up...I don't want to face (lonely) day...

But don't feel like doing much to meet up with people...I don't fit to others, I never have done...

 

I like evenings, as it is closer to going to sleep...I have found myself getting annoyed that days a longer...I like when it is dark, and when it rains...

 

And this has been like this for long now...It was before I have started escitalopram; this only added to my problems...

[Martina23]

Ikam, you can still find a partner and not be alone. I know, it is hard with withdrawal, but you can always find someone, even on the street. You just start talking and that's it. Or maybe via internet or during a dancing lesson. Maybe you should start to go out more, speak a lot and some suitable man will already join you.

[Martina23]

But dont speak with them too much about illnesses, they are then very quickly scared ...(this had to be a joke).

[ikam]

Thank you. My loneliness seems to be a bit more complex. It is not about having a partner, but generally very lonely in the world...

Some time ago I shared with somebody that I was on antidepressants, in few days I had Police calling me and asking if I was suicidal...I did not talk to this person that I was suicidal...Since that experience, it happened in the end of last year I have stopped connecting with people...I hardly talk to anybody...

[Martina23]

I have the same experience with psychologists. I am afraid to be open with them about my symptoms, because I am afraid they take me children away. You are right, it is not easy to find someone where you can really trust this person.

[ikam]

Yes...I agree...

 

I am lucky, as I have had a very good psychotherapist. I have been in therapy for long, but in May he is on holidays and this time I am finding this very difficult...He knows about my suicidal feelings, as I have them quite often (since I was 14 years old)...I have never done anything...

But this time I feel it so sharp...

It all started now since my landlady terminated my tenancy, I have started feeling insecure and cannot stop it...

I think I will manage, but so anxious in times...

 

I have been to Vienna once- really enjoyed the atmosphere...

[Martina23]

I will have the same problem in October. I dont know if they make my rental contract longer, it isnt also an apartment of my dreams. It is too expensive, I took it only therefore as it has big lift - I have a twin stroller, and other houses were mostly without lift, most this historical part or with small lifts. I would like to change, but now in withdrawal, I handle stress very badly and therefore I try to avoid everything I can postpone.

[ikam]

I understand with postponing, but then I feel even more stressed out...

 

Hopefully, you can stay at your place through WD...

[ikam]

I got text from Tilly: she is struggling with the recent changes to her tapper, feels exhausted all day with anxiety and agitation upon waking that lasts until mid afternoon as well as her pre existing symptoms...She has been more debilitated that she has been until this point. She is overstimulated by light and noise and she is getting through day by distracting herself from her symptoms. She thinks that discussing on the forum would make her symptoms worse. She hopes that people understand this...

 

 

 

 

 

I do understand...

 

 

 

 

 

So I guess we need to wait now until Tilly will be able to re-join us...

 

 

 

 

 

I also need to say that I may not be always able to be a link in conversations, as I feel not too well myself...And I know people and Tilly understand this...

[ikam]

Back to me, I am feeling overwhelmed with blaming myself that I got back on meds...I am much worse than few years ago...and I don't have hope, as this seems to be so up and down...

I cannot cut my stress level at present, and I think this is what contributes and triggers my symptoms. As I have started feeling unwell when I was told my tenancy has been terminated. It has shaken me badly...

I have thoughts again that I will not manage, etc. etc. But do I want to manage? I am tired and I want to die...see no reason for my life...

I am going to call Samaritans, as I need to talk to somebody, or I need to feel that somebody listens to me...

[Martina23]

Ikam, maybe you are just missing the purpose of life. My mother, when she feels bad, goes to the house for animals which have been left on the street and helps there. Maybe there is something like this in your area also. Or some other helping activity and you would feel other. Better.

[ikam]

"Till the Earth is rotating so far..." ("Praying")

[freespirit]

Ikam,

 

I appreciate you contacting Tilly and passing things along. I totally understand if you're not able to play that role..and I'm sure everyone on here can understand too.

 

I think having childhood trauma and PTSD really complicates this process so much. I've found I can often not tell what is WD and what is the trauma being triggered. The symptoms can be very similar..and in fact, most of wd is not the least unfamiliar to me..even in it's intensity.

 

It makes a lot of sense that your tenancy being terminated has been a major trigger..and pretty much all you can do is that you are doing..which is to ride things out as best you can.

 

The sense of isolation is deep and pervasive...from both trauma and wd. I've struggled a great deal with the deep loneliness too...and not only during this time, but more as a lifetime issue. It's not something that's explainable to others. I've sometimes felt it even when being in a good relationship, or when with close friends..and sometimes feels more like a spiritual emptiness. I'm afraid I have nothing much to offer in the way of lessening it....at least for me, I think it is deeply connected to my childhood and gets evoked at times and I'll feel as I must have then..even though I don't have clear memories from that early time.

 

Just wanting you to know that you are not alone in feeling such a depth of loneliness. I hope there is some easing of things when your therapist returns. It's good that you've found someone you can connect with, and who can be there for you.

[AliG]

 Ikam, I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch.  I understand about fighting with yourself in the mornings. I tend to do that as well, trying to get myself motivated. I haven't read all your thread, yet, but notice you have some "trauma", in your past. I have, also and I think it exacerbates some "withdrawal" symptoms. I  hope "therapy" helps. 

 

Thanks for the news on Tilly.   Stay strong. 

[ikam]

not well at all today...still suicidal...

[ikam]

had gp appointment, told her about anxiety, she gave me diazepam 2mg...maybe I should take it???

 

I don't feel I care about anything today...

 

is this depression? relapse? or lack of purpose and any sense? or WD? or all of them???

[Martina23]

ikam, dont take it, you will have only more problems later.

[ikam]

I don't know what to do, as I have been feeling very tense and suicidal...

[ikam]

Called Samaritans. It was helpful. Feeling a bit better.

 

Got some useful info- if somebody feels suicidal there is a place to go:

http://www.maytree.org.uk/index.php

[ikam]

Additionally, I have had strange symptoms on my head, some tingling and crawling...I try to ignore this...

[ikam]

Hi Freespirit, thanks for your answer (re: trauma and WD and isolation)...
 
I have some problems with using "quote", so I will answer in a different way.

I appreciate you contacting Tilly and passing things along

 

 - it was important that Tilly and the rest were connected...I am glad that Tilly is back on-line...

I think having childhood trauma and PTSD really complicates this process so much. I've found I can often not tell what is WD and what is the trauma being triggered. The symptoms can be very similar..and in fact, most of wd is not the least unfamiliar to me..even in it's intensity.

 

Yes, this is what makes me so confused, the symptoms are similar and I know them so well...

Whatever it is WD, or Trauma or Both- it has been so painful recently. I have dealt with trauma for years in my therapy...maybe I feel it now?

It is almost as if WD has brought the symptoms back...I keep questioning what is what, but does it really matter?

As I was so alone with my family, I am so alone with people now...so isolated...


It makes a lot of sense that your tenancy being terminated has been a major trigger..and pretty much all you can do is that you are doing..which is to ride things out as best you can.

 

I try my best. Only recently have been so overwhelmed with suicidal feelings...

I am thinking that I "should not be affected" with termination of my tenancy, as it gets me into right direction (I have already booked a new place, paid half of deposit), but it has shaken so badly my security...It is as if I lost my secure base, feel with no ground under my feet...

I tried to go to the park, but- as always- when I go out here I feel so strange, my isolation gets magnified...I felt as if in the place I don't know at all, I then get back home (which is not home any more, but at least I have my things around me) and don't want to go out at all...

The sense of isolation is deep and pervasive...from both trauma and wd. I've struggled a great deal with the deep loneliness too...and not only during this time, but more as a lifetime issue. It's not something that's explainable to others. I've sometimes felt it even when being in a good relationship, or when with close friends..and sometimes feels more like a spiritual emptiness. I'm afraid I have nothing much to offer in the way of lessening it....at least for me, I think it is deeply connected to my childhood and gets evoked at times and I'll feel as I must have then..even though I don't have clear memories from that early time.

 

This isolation is like "belonging nowhere", even when with people I feel I don't belong, I have not much in common...

Yes, it feels like "spiritual emptiness" and also like something that will always stay like this...

I do try to connect to others, to discover that we don't speak the same language, even if we do...

I have not found yet any space/place I feel in connection with others...


Just wanting you to know that you are not alone in feeling such a depth of loneliness. I hope there is some easing of things when your therapist returns. It's good that you've found someone you can connect with, and who can be there for you.

 

My therapist is so good, he has helped me to go through trauma...it has been a long process as if I only wanted to do things faster I was overwhelmed with dissociative feelings...

It is something like with WD- any time we want to get faster, we get more symptoms. But the wish to go faster remains (I want to be drug free! I feel like a slave of my stupid decision!)...So I tried to get faster in my therapy and it did not work.

As I was emotionally abandoned in my childhood, I respond so badly to not being able to reach him...

This time is much more difficult...the time seems much slower...and additionally I feel as if I don't want to be here at all...

My life is a struggle at present, although on a surface everything seems quite organised...I managed to get new flat, my temporary work contract will run until the end of September, I managed to get an interesting extra job offer...

But I still dread to go to check my letter box (last time I got penalty fare for my car, recently got few letters from my bank decreasing my limits...).

I dread going to my bank, as I worry that they will refuse to help me...

I worry that something else will happen which will just make things impossible...

 

I am also dealing with some different symptoms- tingling and crawling sensations on my head...

 

I am trying my best to survive...spoke to Samaritans twice. Cried a lot...

 

But tomorrow, have to go to work- I am finding my work so difficult at present...but I have no choice...

 

I know you and nobody can change things for me, but it is so important to feel that there are others who understand. Thank you for this...

[ikam]

AliG, thank you for your support...it is so important that there are people who know, who listen...

I understand about fighting with yourself in the mornings. I tend to do that as well, trying to get myself motivated. I haven't read all your thread, yet, but notice you have some "trauma", in your past. I have, also and I think it exacerbates some "withdrawal" symptoms. I hope "therapy" helps.

 

Therapy has been so helpful, I was in a good place...

Trauma, as I understand, dis-regulates autonomic nervous system...this is the reason I started meds, as I (stupidly) wanted to fix this...I was always in a type of alert mode...sort of catastrophic response...I was "hoping" (stupidly) that if I only make my responses more "normal" I will be fixed, I will be just as "normal people" are. Less sensitive...

It has not happened...I am even more dis-regulated now. additionally, I have no hope, neither my cognitive functioning is as good as it was...

I also feel often that I am so tired of this constant struggle...

My father was a...psychiatrist and alcoholic and abuser and he dies of suicide (mixed alcohol with meds)...

 

I don't understand why mornings are so difficult, why I am so different in evening, regaining my strength, feeling more hopeful...to be woken up by "other me" , the one I used to be when living with my family and "just as my mother", full of negativity, hopelessness, miserable, complaining, etc.

I want to be "my evening person" all the time!

How to make link with them both and stay one of my choice?! this is so exhausting...

 

What WD has done to me is a type of regress, moving backwards to being so overwhelmed and unable to control this...

I try to ignore my symptoms, but they don't go away!

And I am so worried that I will just resign...that one day I will not go to work...anyway, I don't have any enthusiasm to work (which used o give me a purpose in life- I have no purpose now...I work for money and feel full of shame for delivering a service which has a poor quality...

 

[ikam]

Martina23, thank you so much for your kind support and I am sorry that I still cannot say that I am better...

I did not take diazepam, called Samaritans instead and cried a bit...

I am better now...but it has been so up and down...

And I hate this new symptoms on my head...my hands are better, but it "tickles" my head, my knees and face...sometimes it feels as if some parasites crawling under my skin...