Cheeky: on Paxil for 23 years needing advice

[Cheeky]

Thankyou Hazel and Brassmonkey for your replies, it helps when other people validate your feelings. I just have to get use to it, its just so hard.

I'm having a better day today , fingers crossed I'm on the road back to a window.

Thankyou again everyone xxx

[Hazel]

How are you feeling today Cheeky?  I completely agree with how hard it is to feel so badly.  I just try to remind myself during the bad times that “this too shall pass” because it always does eventually.  It’s just really hard when you’re right in the middle of a wave.  It feels never ending.  Hoping you are starting to feel some relief from symptoms.

Hazel

[Cheeky]

Thanks for asking  Hazel, I'm feeling better but feel I have a head cold and tired. I'm not going to think its over because  you never know what tomorrow brings.How are you doing with the taper ?

[wantrelief]

Hi Cheeky,

 

I read your thread and wanted to cheer you on.  I have not had much success thus far with my tapers and am impressed with how you had the courage to try again. Hopefully I'll be joining you on the tapering path at some point after I stabilize from a recent updose.  Your story resonated with me as I too am on two medications and my sister is also on an AD which worries me.  I am glad you are feeling better!

[Cheeky]

Hey wantrelief,

Thanks for your words and I'm happy to be joined on this journey together.

[Hazel]

Hi Cheeky,

I am doing much better the last few days.  I think I messed things up by taking a lorazepam the other night, but seem to have evened out now.  I am taking things slow and hoping to continue to feel well.  This is definitely not easy, so it helps so much to have support from people who understand😊

[Cheeky]

Hazel it really does suck, I'm not having a good day today, I woke up with anxiety and have had it all day running through my body like a current, it goes in waves.I've even cried to myself today, so I know it withdrawal. I thought I was heading in the right direction but today has me going backwards. I'm not sure if its also due to me expecting my periods in a weeks time.

I have looked back at my progress since November last year and have only tapped 13.2mg of Seraquel and 4mg off Paxil. I feel like I will never get off this stuff. Everyone can taper by 10% and I cant even do 2%.

Sorry just feeling down today, I just wish drs would acknowledge this and I wouldn't feel so alone.

[Cheeky]

hey everyone,

I need a little advice. I'm finding that most people find it easier at the beginning of there tapering journey and can drop by 10% and I have felt it to be tough this year going from 50mg of Seraquel  to 36mg and 40mg of paxil to 36mg. I know that i have had problems in the beginning of the year with changing brands but it has been tough. I have however stabilized eventually but I feel that it will take me another 20 years trying to come off it the rate i'm going and I've already been taking it for 22 years. I don,t know what to do ?. I'm a 40 year old mother of two who runs a business and I need to function . I don't know anymore in how i should go forward in this taper. Its a constant worry I have. I want to enjoy my life when i'm older with my grandkids and travel aroung the world. Should I tough it out and drop by 3% every 6 weeks and suffer the consequences. I just don't know.

Please your advice is really appreicated

[Hazel]

Hi Cheeky,

I’m afraid I don’t have any helpful advice for you, but wanted to offer support.  I also have children and need to work, so I understand the need to be able to function and at the same time just wanting to be off the meds.  I also am trying to decide if I should continue holding or start tapering.  It is difficult since we can’t predict how long it will take to stabilize or if we will react badly if we continue to taper.  I know the slower we go the better, but it is very difficult to go slow when you aren’t feeling well.  I feel like my life has become consumed by this process and that makes it all the more frustrating.  I just want my life back.  When is the last time you dropped your dose?  Maybe holding longer and then decide what to do once you are feeling more stable?  I know I tend to make not so great decisions when I am having a lot of symptoms.  Hope things take a turn for the better for you very soon.

[Cheeky]

I dropped only 2 weeks ago by 1.5mg and i hate feeling like this, my kids deserve better, I just want to be the bubbly funny person I am. The last 6 years since all of this started has been so difficult to accept that this will be my journey for a long time. I'm not going to die on this drug.

Hazel how old are you and do you have kids aswell. how is your husband coping with all off this.

[Songbird]

Hi Cheeky, I'm not here often any more, but would like to give you some encouragement.  I've also been through that feeling of "I'll never get off this drug", after so many failed tapers.  I am off paroxetine now but on citalopram instead so once again I have a drug to taper and wonder if I'll ever be free of them. 

Please don't get hung up on what percentage drops people are doing.  The "10% drop" taper that people have talked about for years on these forums is only a rough guideline and kind of a maximum recommended speed.  Not everyone goes that fast, that's for sure.  If you are finding the drops difficult, you can always try smaller drops and see if it helps.  You could also try staying on each dose longer before the next drop.  I found PMS a lot worse when in paroxetine w/d, so this could also be a factor for you as you seem to have suspected already.

 

Everyone's situation is a little different and so everyone needs to work out what kind of taper works best for them, which can be difficult and a lot of trial and error.  The generalisation that it gets harder as the dose gets lower also does not apply to everyone or for all parts of the taper.  Some people find tapering harder in certain dose ranges and easier in others.  For example, during my previous taper of paroxetine I found the range from 7.5mg down to about 4mg difficult, but under 4mg things became a little easier, which surprised me as I expected it to get harder as my dose got lower.  So it may not be that your whole taper will be terrible all the way down from 40mg.  I know it is hard not to extrapolate out and calculate how many years you think it will all take, but if that is making you feel bad it's better to just focus on the present and not think too far ahead - easier said than done I know!  I've found it helps to think about my taper as a success if I'm going in the right direction (i.e. dose is going down, however slowly), rather than focussing on getting down to zero.

 

Anyway, I hope you're feeling better soon!

 

 

[Cheeky]

Songbird once again you come with wise words, that's what I really needed to hear . Thank you for always chiming in and giving me confidence.

when i''m in a wave I can get lost in negative thoughts and all the physical symptoms scare me, then a window happens and I feel great again. The mind games are the hardest.

Thank you again ((((hugs)))))

[Hazel]

Hi Cheeky,

I am 39 and have 3 kids.  I don’t talk about withdrawal with my husband very much.  He really doesn’t seem to understand the whole process and I don’t want to burden him with it I guess.  That is why I find this site so helpful.  I don’t think anyone can really understand what this is like unless they have experienced it.

Hazel

[direstraits]

41 minutes ago, Hazel said:

 I don’t think anyone can really understand what this is like unless they have experienced it.

AMEN

[Frogie]

Just now, direstraits said:

AMEN

Boy isn't that the truth!

 

Hope you are doing well.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Frogie]

43 minutes ago, Hazel said:

Hi Cheeky,

I am 39 and have 3 kids.  I don’t talk about withdrawal with my husband very much.  He really doesn’t seem to understand the whole process and I don’t want to burden him with it I guess.  That is why I find this site so helpful.  I don’t think anyone can really understand what this is like unless they have experienced it.

Hazel

Hi Hazel:

 

Nice to meet you.

 

I'm going through some heavy anxiety right now. My fiancé used to be so caring and concerned about my well being. He would go to the dr with me to make sure I was ok. I don't know why, but I think it has to do with his nightmare job right now, but he says he can't go with me anymore and I need to get over it and get on with my life. To stop dwelling on it.

 

It's so hard, I sit and cry most days.

 

I didn't mean to bother you, but saw you were struggling too.

 

I hope you are doing better. Are you still on 8mg Paxil? I'm on 4.9 mg Lexapro. This is really hard. I don't think they understand what we are going through.

 

Be well.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Hazel]

Hi Frogie,

you are not bothering me at all.  I enjoy interacting with people here.  It is very helpful to share with people who “get this”.    I was having a really hard time last week, but am thankfully doing much better today.  I am at 7.9 mg now and planning to hold for a while now.  Anxiety has been the worst withdrawal symptom for me.  I also tend to want to cry a lot and feel hopeless when the anxiety gets bad.  You are getting low on the Lexapro-good for you!  Try to think about how much you have accomplished so far.  That is what I am trying to focus on rather than how much I have left to go.  Hope you start feeling better soon  and feel free to post on my intro any time😊

[Frogie]

1 minute ago, Hazel said:

Hi Frogie,

you are not bothering me at all.  I enjoy interacting with people here.  It is very helpful to share with people who “get this”.    I was having a really hard time last week, but am thankfully doing much better today.  I am at 7.9 mg now and planning to hold for a while now.  Anxiety has been the worst withdrawal symptom for me.  I also tend to want to cry a lot and feel hopeless when the anxiety gets bad.  You are getting low on the Lexapro-good for you!  Try to think about how much you have accomplished so far.  That is what I am trying to focus on rather than how much I have left to go.  Hope you start feeling better soon  and feel free to post on my intro any time😊

Thanks I will post to you soon.

 

Sorry Cheeky for "hogging " your thread. I never meant too.

 

Would love to talk with you too.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Cheeky]

Frogie, don’t be silly it’s fine, we’re all in this together.

Hazel, wow you have 3 kids, it can be so hard trying to keep it together when your feelings so bad. I think my husband feels the same, he doesn’t  understand and I’m sure he would feel helpless. My sister and mum are on antidepressants but have never tried to come off, so they really don’t seem to understand. They understand  aniexty and depression but not the withdrawal type

which is 100 times worse . I never even had aniexty until 5 years ago when I went cold turkey. 

Well I feel I’m getting out of the wave but I don’t won’t to think I am as I never no what tomorrow brings. 

Hazel and Frogie how are you both going?

[Hazel]

I hope you are out of the wave!  It’s true that we never know what tomorrow brings, but it sounds like a good sign that you are feeling better.  I am doing much better right now, but for me it is early mornings that are typically the most difficult.  I wake early with anxiety that gets better as the morning for on.  It would be wonderful to sleep tonight until at least 5:00, so fingers crossed!

[Cheeky]

hey Hazel it now comes and goes. i just hope i can get stability soon.

[Cheeky]

Hi eveyone,

just a question, is it normal to feel completely normal for hours and then you get a rush of anxiety run through your body and then calm down. Can you have waves and windows during the day.This is making me feel a bit crazy...

[Hazel]

From what I understand it sounds like what you are experiencing is completely normal.  I’ve read about others here experiencing the same thing.  I’ve experienced symptoms early in the day that go away as the day goes on and then return in the late evening.  Not sure why this happens, but nothing about this process seems to make sense.  Try not to worry about it too much and remind yourself that it will pass.

[brassmonkey]

It's not uncommon for things to change minute by minute, hour by hour at times. The hard part is to recognize that it's happening and not let it trigger you into a spiral.

[bheb]

Cheeky, I also have varying intensity throughout the day. Sometimes it cycles minute to minute which can be very confusing. Sometimes I can't figure out if I feel "normal" (a.k.a some kind of window).  

[Cheeky]

Everyone’s input is very validating to me. 

Ive had a great night out tonight , I eat like normal, laughed and felt back to my old self, I’m just hoping  I wake up in the morning feeling good , but it’s always the morning I suffer most and it clears up throughout the day. 

Im hoping for a better week in head of me

[Songbird]

21 hours ago, Cheeky said:

 it’s always the morning I suffer most and it clears up throughout the day. 

 

That's usually how it is for me too.  Mornings suck and then I gradually feel better and evenings can be quite good.

[Cheeky]

3 hours ago, Songbird said:

 

That's usually how it is for me too.  Mornings suck and then I gradually feel better and evenings can be quite good.

Yep tonight again I feel great , now I dread going to bed because I hate that morning aniexty. It always starts in my feet, feel like my feet have aniexty tingling feeling then it works up to my legs, I get the reckless feeling then I just get up and want to get going and the day begins.

 

[Cheeky]

Haveing a difficult day

today, I woke up with aniexty and tried to carry on and go shopping with my husband for bathroom stuff becouse we are about to renovate our new home. It all went okay until he thought it was as a good idea to

tell me that my parenting sucks becomes I do everything for my kids and if I keep doing that they will turn out like losers . I know I’m in withdrawal at the moment but I can’t stop crying , I feel terrible enough I’m not able to be the mother I want to be because I’m always tired after working all week, but I do do everything becomes that’s my way of showing them my

love. What hurts me the most is that my husband had never picked up a book or researched about what I’m going through and in a way I feel he may not want to have this problem in his life , I’m sure If I had Cancer then he would care .

I’m in this alone and I feel my world is crumbling in front of me. This last drop is so hard and I just want to be stable again. I suppose I’m feeling very low

[miT]

You're probably seeing the situation in a more negative than it really is. This is typical when feeling down. Bad emotions attract bad thoughts.

 

Take some time to feel the fear fully, it will eventually go away. Then see how you feel about the situation with your husband. Talk to him about it if you still think it's necessary.

[powerback]

Hi cheeky I feel your pain ,its unfortunate your husband said that ,you are painfully sensitive at the moment with this cut ,without doubt your doing the best you can for your kids so believe that .your husband would have to live the experience we all live to understand how it is .how do we invent such a devise lol

.i used to pour  my heart out to my partner but she said I'm being negative one day and it crushed me . I now never bother speaking about it .come and vent like you are to people that can relate ,its much more rewarding in my opinion .

take care and be nice to yourself 

PB

[Cheeky]

2 hours ago, powerback said:

Hi cheeky I feel your pain ,its unfortunate your husband said that ,you are painfully sensitive at the moment with this cut ,without doubt your doing the best you can for your kids so believe that .your husband would have to live the experience we all live to understand how it is .how do we invent such a devise lol

.i used to pour  my heart out to my partner but she said I'm being negative one day and it crushed me . I now never bother speaking about it .come and vent like you are to people that can relate ,its much more rewarding in my opinion .

take care and be nice to yourself 

PB

Thanks Powerback for your words,

When i stabilize which I hope is very soon I will talk to him, I know he thinks I'm a good mother its just that I'm so sensitive at the moment,  I've been having waves of anxiety and that brings on depression, you know the cycle. I just want to get out off this so I can function better, although i'm very good at pretending. I'm at work today and just hope i can get through today, This is so hard ......

[dreamspirit]

HI Cheeky, I sent you a private message 🙂

[Cheeky]

Hey everyone

I'm having a better day today, but I'm not excited about it because you never know what tomorrow brings.

I have just realized that in this year I have gotten off 10mg's of my medications so I suppose that's to be proud off, I just hope I can continue going in the right direction.

Just a question, what seems to be the pattern when tapering or is it different for everybody?

It took me 6 weeks last time to feel stable and then after 3 weeks of feeling good  I  dropped again by 1.5mg , i should off waited a little longer, that's why I think its all caught up on me now.

Could that be the case?

[brassmonkey]

"I'm having a better day today, but I'm not excited about it because you never know what tomorrow brings."

I'm glad to hear that you're having a better day today.  It needs to be celebrated to help reinforce the memories of good times and things getting better.  What you have written is the textbook definition of anxiety. You deserve better. Make every good moment count.

 

((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

 

Brass

[Cheeky]

okay update........

Ive been feeling much better thankfully and will now wait till Febuary to drop again.When I get to February I might need a little advice into how much i should tapper by. I have found that after a drop my dose I feel the effects a week and a half later.  It has taken me 3 weeks to feel better and last time it toke 5 weeks. I'm  sure sure what I will do next and at what percent.