Cheeky: on Paxil for 23 years needing advice

[brassmonkey]

Hi Cheeky -- I'm glad to hear that the RI has been working. Even with it working there are going to be some ups and downs in your symptoms. It is sounding like you are having a small wave brought on the the situational stress. Having to go back to work is bad enough, but doing it during the lockdown makes it so much more stressful. Use you stress reduction techniques and take things as easy as possible, let the wave roll off and resolve and things ill get better.

[Colonial]

On 9/28/2021 at 8:43 PM, Cheeky said:

. I’m not eating well and have put in weight due to all the sugar cravings.

 

This is sometimes connected to either a wave coming on or in your case, I think just added to the stress of going back to work. WD affects all of our metabolic functioning so the less toxic stress on those symptoms the better. We are less able to properly metabolize things as we should.  Make sure your staying hydrated with water. Chronic dehydration is another stressor that will compromise you bodies ability to deal with upcoming stressors of going back to work.  Feel better soon!

 

[Greatful]

@Cheeky 

You will be okay, it probably is from the stress of going back to work.  It is amazing how sensitive we are right now.  My hubby is going out of town on Monday for work, he might be gone all week and I am stressing over that. 

You had 1 month of feeling good wow that is great.  Try not get sucked back into the panic of "what is going on".   Oh no is it coming back thoughts.  Once you get back to the routine things will settle down.

Hugs sent your way🤗

 

[Cheeky]

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

@Cheeky 

You will be okay, it probably is from the stress of going back to work.  It is amazing how sensitive we are right now.  My hubby is going out of town on Monday for work, he might be gone all week and I am stressing over that. 

You had 1 month of feeling good wow that is great.  Try not get sucked back into the panic of "what is going on".   Oh no is it coming back thoughts.  Once you get back to the routine things will settle down.

Hugs sent your way🤗

 

Yeah I know, I had a great month so I should be happy but it harder when you’ve felt good and then go back . I’m not giving into my thoughts though. 

[ScottishLass]

Hi @Cheeky

I just wanted to stop by and give you some encouragement (like you have with me 😊) as I saw you were returning to work.  I had the same anxieties and worries as you going back to work, including some major dips and panic that made me think I would ‘be in the dip forever, never be myself and never manage return to work or staying in work’.  It’s not been plain sailing and as others said returning also in a pandemic and WD....🤯. However, I wanted to say, I’ve done it....and you will...and those concerns, worries are normal.  Whilst rtw is anxiety provoking and the ‘unknown’, especially after a long period off (I was 7 months) intimidating.  I have found the routine, the joy of being with colleagues that you like (not all of them mind u🤣) and the support that I didn’t expect from some has outweighed the inevitable worries and extra stresses we inevitably have in WD.  It takes work to balance but my experience whilst some difficult bits has been positive and surprising.  

 

I am sending you lots of good energy and kind thoughts for your return. Take one day at a time, celebrate every win and your management of the tricky bits/days.  Give yourself a pat on the back and compassion for all that you do to try and make things better for yourself.  We’re bloody warriors..all of us. You can do it. Wishing you well and thinking of you. 😊 

SL

[Cheeky]

6 hours ago, ScottishLass said:

Hi @Cheeky

I just wanted to stop by and give you some encouragement (like you have with me 😊) as I saw you were returning to work.  I had the same anxieties and worries as you going back to work, including some major dips and panic that made me think I would ‘be in the dip forever, never be myself and never manage return to work or staying in work’.  It’s not been plain sailing and as others said returning also in a pandemic and WD....🤯. However, I wanted to say, I’ve done it....and you will...and those concerns, worries are normal.  Whilst rtw is anxiety provoking and the ‘unknown’, especially after a long period off (I was 7 months) intimidating.  I have found the routine, the joy of being with colleagues that you like (not all of them mind u🤣) and the support that I didn’t expect from some has outweighed the inevitable worries and extra stresses we inevitably have in WD.  It takes work to balance but my experience whilst some difficult bits has been positive and surprising.  

 

I am sending you lots of good energy and kind thoughts for your return. Take one day at a time, celebrate every win and your management of the tricky bits/days.  Give yourself a pat on the back and compassion for all that you do to try and make things better for yourself.  We’re bloody warriors..all of us. You can do it. Wishing you well and thinking of you. 😊 

SL

Thankyou so much for your kind words. You made my morning today and have given me strength.
I really appreciate it. 

[Greatful]

@Cheeky

Hi there, How are you doing?  When do you go back to work?   I can feel your worry.  I try not think about going back.  I think you are in a better spot then me right now, a whole month of feeling like yourself, should give you some confidence that you will be okay.  Who knows you might be rejuvenated being back in the swing of some normalcy. 

You are strong and ready for this❤️ 

 

[ScottishLass]

22 minutes ago, Cheeky said:

Thankyou so much for your kind words. You made my morning today and have given me strength.
I really appreciate it. 

You’re welcome 😊

[Cheeky]

30 minutes ago, Greatful said:

@Cheeky

Hi there, How are you doing?  When do you go back to work?   I can feel your worry.  I try not think about going back.  I think you are in a better spot then me right now, a whole month of feeling like yourself, should give you some confidence that you will be okay.  Who knows you might be rejuvenated being back in the swing of some normalcy. 

You are strong and ready for this❤️ 

 

Thankyou, I do miss my job and my clients. 
@greatful you will be okay you just take every day as it comes. I know how hard this is. We really need the support to get through . 

[Cheeky]

Okay update…..

I really can’t understand how this WD works , yesterday was a great and  this morning  Today around lunch I started to feel that aniexty again and this afternoon I feel that my body is tingling and I have the enteral shakes. If I hold a paper in my hand you can see the paper shaking . This really scares and worries me. I can go from being normal to this. I feel like a drug addict. I try to distract myself but it’s hard to not think that I’m never going to get better. I’m going to be so busy at work next week lockdown finishes after 3 months and 

as I’m a hairdresser, I’m booked out from 8am to 8pm for a whole month, that’s 6 days a week. I can’t be like this.

I really hope this wave goes ❤️‍🩹

[Erell]

Hello @Cheeky
 

If WD has taught me anything, it is its unpredictability: there is rarely a distinguishable reason for the appearance and disappearance of symptoms, they come and go according to what our body has to do or not.
I understand perfectly how worrying it can feel, it can be very destabilising to realise how little control we have over the process.
But we can trust that our body knows what it has to do, no matter what we think about it or do, the body knows its job  

 

I see that you have some great days : that's wonderful ! Can you perhaps write a letter to yourself on these good days ?
I find that reading my own words, written when I feel confident and hopeful, helps me to remember that everything is temporary when I feel bad.

 

I send you my support and many healing vibes 🧡

 

[Cheeky]

1 minute ago, Erell said:

Hello @Cheeky
 

If WD has taught me anything, it is its unpredictability: there is rarely a distinguishable reason for the appearance and disappearance of symptoms, they come and go according to what our body has to do or not.
I understand perfectly how worrying it can feel, it can be very destabilising to realise how little control we have over the process.
But we can trust that our body knows what it has to do, no matter what we think about it or do, the body knows its job  

 

I see that you have some great days : that's wonderful ! Can you perhaps write a letter to yourself on these good days ?
I find that reading my own words, written when I feel confident and hopeful, helps me to remember that everything is temporary when I feel bad.

 

I send you my support and many healing vibes 🧡

 

Thankyou for posting on my thread when your having difficulties yourself. It makes such a difference when you get support. I think that is a great idea about writing to myself when I feel good. 
When In a wave it feel like it will never end. 

Make sure you take care of yourself as well. 

[Greatful]

@Cheeky  

11 hours ago, Cheeky said:

I really can’t understand how this WD works , yesterday was a great and  this morning  Today around lunch I started to feel that aniexty again and this afternoon I feel that my body is tingling and I have the enteral shakes.

Yes things can change from day to day and even throughout the day.

Yesterday I went through my morning panic and anxiety I rated my depression at

1/2 ( 1 low 5 high ) by early afternoon I was at a 3 and I though climbing.  later it dropped down and then I was angry,  then I felt cocky and spunky then back to anger.  My obsessing comes on high then drops down.  Like if said it is like being on a merry-go-round and a roller coaster.

 

I could go on about coping skills, but I know that you are doing everything you can to get through this.  Just keep leaning on us and let us reassure you that you will be okay.  Someway somehow you will make it through this.  You are strong and have weathered many storms.😊

 

We got your back❤️

[Cheeky]

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

@Cheeky  

Yes things can change from day to day and even throughout the day.

Yesterday I went through my morning panic and anxiety I rated my depression at

1/2 ( 1 low 5 high ) by early afternoon I was at a 3 and I though climbing.  later it dropped down and then I was angry,  then I felt cocky and spunky then back to anger.  My obsessing comes on high then drops down.  Like if said it is like being on a merry-go-round and a roller coaster.

 

I could go on about coping skills, but I know that you are doing everything you can to get through this.  Just keep leaning on us and let us reassure you that you will be okay.  Someway somehow you will make it through this.  You are strong and have weathered many storms.😊

 

We got your back❤️

It’s just so hard to do when the aniexty hits. I worry about everything and feel I’ve going to loss everything I love. 

[Greatful]

@Cheeky  I know the thought.  I wonder if I will be able to ever go back functioning, be around people and stimulation.  We can't let our thought to take us down the what if's.  We can only do what we can today and deal with each thing as they come up.  If I let myself go down the rabbit whole I usually think the worst but really we don't know anything except what is going on at this moment.

When push comes to shove you will get through it❤️

On day at a time, one situation at a time

[Phoenixmama]

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

 

I could go on about coping skills, but I know that you are doing everything you can to get through this.  Just keep leaning on us and let us reassure you that you will be okay.  Someway somehow you will make it through this.  You are strong and have weathered many storms.😊

I love this part @greatful everyone on sa who gives support to us who are lost in wd or can’t give too much support are angels , sending love ❤️ and light ☀️ 

[Carmie]

Hi there Cheeky, 

 

How are you doing?🧡

[Cheeky]

2 hours ago, Carmie said:

Hi there Cheeky, 

 

How are you doing?🧡

Hi @Carmie,

Thanks for stopping by.

Ive been really up and down , when In a window I feel great and can do anything then a wave hits out of nowhere and I’m a vulnerable mess that thinks the awful feelings are permanent. This can really be a mind f…

I have been hanging around people that are understanding and real and have gotten rid off a lot of negative people in my life. Anything  good for my well-being is important and I’m working on acceptance. 
I hope your doing well ⭐️

[Carmie]

21 hours ago, Cheeky said:

Hi @Carmie,

Thanks for stopping by.

Ive been really up and down , when In a window I feel great and can do anything then a wave hits out of nowhere and I’m a vulnerable mess that thinks the awful feelings are permanent. This can really be a mind f…

I have been hanging around people that are understanding and real and have gotten rid off a lot of negative people in my life. Anything  good for my well-being is important and I’m working on acceptance. 
I hope your doing well ⭐️

Hi Cheeky, 

 

Yes, it’s a rollercoaster indeed. I’m so glad to see that you’ve gotten rid of toxic people out of your life. All my friends are kind and caring too. In the past I used to let lots of people use me and walk all over me because I have empathy for others, but I came to realise that these friendships were so one sided. I did all the giving, but got nothing in return but abuse. I would give and give and give and it was never enough. 

 I learnt about narcissism and now I realise why some of these friendships were so crazy and didn’t make any sense despite one being so kind to these individuals. 

 

You can never win with these people, they are envious of anything you do, they are always putting you down, nothing you do is ever good enough, they spread lies behind your back, they make you question your reality, they project all the bad things they’re doing onto you and say you’re the one doing them, they love to see you see you suffering but aren’t happy when things go well for you and the list  goes on and on and on. I say bye bye!

 

Anyway, I hope you’ve cooed okay today🧡

[Cheeky]

Okay update……

Ive finally back to work from a 3 month lockdown. I’m a hairdresser and I’m completely booked out 7 days a week and it’s absolutely crazy and will be till Christmas. I’ve had a pretty decent 3 days at work but today I was under extreme stress and felt like a wave coming on, I get these feelings in my body that tells me it’s a little wave and it lasts sometimes  for a few hours or more then it disappears .
Tonight when I went home I went straight to bed as I felt my body full of aniexty and decided I might feel better when lying down , WRONG, I never before felt this strong rush of adrenaline run through my body and I started to panic and didn’t know what to do, my mind was racing and I felt like calling my mother for help, I started deep dreathing telling myself it’s just a sensation and It won’t hurt me. 20 minutes later I was okay but a little shaky and now I’m writing this for advice. Is what I went through  an aniexty attack? I have never felt like this before.

I think the stress from today was just to much for my nervous system and I’m scared I’m not going to be able to function at work at this busy time. 
@brassmonkey @Colonial

[Colonial]

It sounds like a combination cortisol rush-panic attack, even though they are different things.

I have episodes like this that wake me up in the middle of the night, they last about 15 minutes.

Mine come with some neurological symptoms as well.

 

To be honest, I do not think working 8am to 8pm 6 days a week is going to be realistic.

When our systems are compromised any sudden and severe change in functioning can send out a red alert like this, which is the bodies way of saying it is having trouble adapting to the stress and change of functioning.

 

I would suggest 3 days a week for 5-6 hours a day for a month and see if you can adapt to that.

Attempting to work full time when we are compromised may just make things worse and cause a bigger crash. Stress if very problematic in Your current state, and any Stress, even positive growth, has to be done in building blocks, little by little.

 

[Cheeky]

4 hours ago, Colonial said:

It sounds like a combination cortisol rush-panic attack, even though they are different things.

I have episodes like this that wake me up in the middle of the night, they last about 15 minutes.

Mine come with some neurological symptoms as well.

 

To be honest, I do not think working 8am to 8pm 6 days a week is going to be realistic.

When our systems are compromised any sudden and severe change in functioning can send out a red alert like this, which is the bodies way of saying it is having trouble adapting to the stress and change of functioning.

 

I would suggest 3 days a week for 5-6 hours a day for a month and see if you can adapt to that.

Attempting to work full time when we are compromised may just make things worse and cause a bigger crash. Stress if very problematic in Your current state, and any Stress, even positive growth, has to be done in building blocks, little by little.

 

Yeah I know, I don’t have an option unfortunately for at least the next two weeks then I can cut down a lot. I just have to get through this

[Paquita]

11 hours ago, Cheeky said:

Is what I went through  an aniexty attack?

 

Absolutely. That's a panic attack.

I've had many.

[Colonial]

2 hours ago, Cheeky said:

I don’t have an option unfortunately for at least the next two weeks then

 

Telling ourselves we don't have options can increase the panic.

We may WANT to tough something out but our health has to come first.

 

I'm not trying to tell you what you "Should" do, or to frighten you, but it's better to have a part time job than loose it altogether because we tried to tough it out and something worse happens, on the job or off. 

 

Maybe just notifying them tomorrow you need to cut back will be enough to take the edge off, but you may want to cut back sooner than later.

Edited October 13, 2021 by Colonial

[Carmie]

Hi Cheeky, 

 

Looks like struggling with working full time is ramping up your symptoms, I’m sorry to hear that. Our CNS is so fragile. Mine has been fragile since getting CFS over two and half decades ago so I’ve kind of learnt to live within a baseline, otherwise I totally crash all the time and wouldn’t be able to get out of bed for days or weeks. I still spend quite a bit of time in bed, even with my baseline. WDs certainly don’t help.
 

I hope that you’re able to cut down your hours a bit so you can cope. Can you just go and rest in your lunch hour, go somewhere and close your eyes and maybe put your headphones on and listen to some relaxing music? Maybe do that when you get home as well? I know it’s hard trying to settle when your CNS is total hyperdrive. I usually do something with my hands as well when listening to music, like crocheting, which I also find calming.

 

Take care🧡

 

[Cheeky]

On 10/10/2021 at 7:09 PM, Carmie said:

Hi Cheeky, 

 

Yes, it’s a rollercoaster indeed. I’m so glad to see that you’ve gotten rid of toxic people out of your life. All my friends are kind and caring too. In the past I used to let lots of people use me and walk all over me because I have empathy for others, but I came to realise that these friendships were so one sided. I did all the giving, but got nothing in return but abuse. I would give and give and give and it was never enough. 

 I learnt about narcissism and now I realise why some of these friendships were so crazy and didn’t make any sense despite one being so kind to these individuals. 

 

You can never win with these people, they are envious of anything you do, they are always putting you down, nothing you do is ever good enough, they spread lies behind your back, they make you question your reality, they project all the bad things they’re doing onto you and say you’re the one doing them, they love to see you see you suffering but aren’t happy when things go well for you and the list  goes on and on and on. I say bye bye!

 

Anyway, I hope you’ve cooed okay today🧡

Thanks @Carmie

I know this is a big thing jumping back to a busy time after my last crash 4 months ago . I’m just going to do the best I can to cope . 
love your support x

[Cheeky]

4 hours ago, Colonial said:

It sounds like a combination cortisol rush-panic attack, even though they are different things.

I have episodes like this that wake me up in the middle of the night, they last about 15 minutes.

Mine come with some neurological symptoms as well.

 

To be honest, I do not think working 8am to 8pm 6 days a week is going to be realistic.

When our systems are compromised any sudden and severe change in functioning can send out a red alert like this, which is the bodies way of saying it is having trouble adapting to the stress and change of functioning.

 

I would suggest 3 days a week for 5-6 hours a day for a month and see if you can adapt to that.

Attempting to work full time when we are compromised may just make things worse and cause a bigger crash. Stress if very problematic in Your current state, and any Stress, even positive growth, has to be done in building blocks, little by little.

 

Yeah I know, I don’t have an option unfortunately for at least the next two weeks then I can cut down a lot. I just have to get through this

[Greatful]

@Cheeky

I feel for you trying to work at a busy pace and recover from your WD.  

Remember to be kind to yourself, do the best you can to get through the next week then cut back and take care of yourself.

 

These drugs are powerful and have changed how are brain works. We need to remind each other that patience, time  and self care is all we get make it through this.  And of course the love and support from those in our lives that support us and from all of us here on SA.

 

One day, one situation at a time.❤️

[ChessieCat]

It's very stressful going back into the world after being in lockdown for 4 months.  And we aren't returning to the same world that we left, it is very different.  I went into some shops yesterday and nearly ended up having a meltdown.

[Cheeky]

1 hour ago, ChessieCat said:

It's very stressful going back into the world after being in lockdown for 4 months.  And we aren't returning to the same world that we left, it is very different.  I went into some shops yesterday and nearly ended up having a meltdown.

Yeah I think it’s more the stimulation of everything can be daunting. I’m just trying to relax and breath and tell myself enjoy your job as I love what I do .

[Cheeky]

3 hours ago, Greatful said:

@Cheeky

I feel for you trying to work at a busy pace and recover from your WD.  

Remember to be kind to yourself, do the best you can to get through the next week then cut back and take care of yourself.

 

These drugs are powerful and have changed how are brain works. We need to remind each other that patience, time  and self care is all we get make it through this.  And of course the love and support from those in our lives that support us and from all of us here on SA.

 

One day, one situation at a time.❤️

That’s so true, how powerful are these poisons . I’m only going to do what I can .

[Cheeky]

Yesterday I was okay during the day and today I’m having flushes of anxiety and anger slight tremors. I really don’t understand this. I thought I would be levelling out  after having a great month. I’m just confused and I don’t won’t to panic but it’s hard to to. I really think that my body is trying to cope with the smaller doses I’m on, even though I’m far from finishing. I’m just rambling on wanting a solution……..

 

[Cheeky]

7 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

It's very stressful going back into the world after being in lockdown for 4 months.  And we aren't returning to the same world that we left, it is very different.  I went into some shops yesterday and nearly ended up having a meltdown.

@ChessieCat I’m getting my periods in 3 days and I thinks it’s making everything worse . Has this happened to you .

[ChessieCat]

19 minutes ago, Cheeky said:

@ChessieCat 

 

Please do not tag me in future for any reason.  Thank you.  See this post about tagging staff:

 

announcements

 

21 minutes ago, Cheeky said:

I’m getting my periods in 3 days and I thinks it’s making everything worse .

 

Cheeky you have been a member of SA for 6 years now and have 34 pages in your Introduction topic.  I feel sure that you know that there are many topics about various things on this site. 

 

Please do your own research.  You can do a search using an internet search engine adding site:survivingantidepressants.org and your search term.  There is at least one topic where members discuss this type of thing.

[ChessieCat]

Do a search using: 

 

menstruation

 

and another separate search:

 

premenstrual tension

 

[Cheeky]

6 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Please do not tag me in future for any reason.  Thank you.  See this post about tagging staff:

 

announcements

 

 

Cheeky you have been a member of SA for 6 years now and have 34 pages in your Introduction topic.  I feel sure that you know that there are many topics about various things on this site. 

 

Please do your own research.  You can do a search using an internet search engine adding site:survivingantidepressants.org and your search term.  There is at least one topic where members discuss this type of thing.

Okay I understand  , sorry