Adown: Help me in my history

[Adown]

Hello all. First of all really sorry about my English, I will try to do my best, but it's really difficult.

 

I'm desesperate and I have found this while I was in Google, was searching about withdrawal experiences...

 

I'm with mirtazapine (Rexer) and diazepam (Valium) since 2010, 30 mgs of mirtazapine per day and 10 mgs of diazepam per day. In 2011 I told to the psychiatrist than I was really feeling good, everything was right, I was independent, volunteer in Red Cross and studying because "I quit" when I was too young, the summary was than I was "Perfect and ready for everything", then he told me than the medication was for all the life, I told him than I don't accept than if please can't say to me how I can quit, then he told me reduce from 30 mgs to 15, around three weeks with 15 and then quit... Didn't work. 

 

I change psychiatrist because he wants me with this all the life and I don't. Then in that year (2011) I go to other want and he sends me lorazepam (orfidal) instead of diazepam (Valium), and adding escitalopram. I was feeling bad, the day six I call him and I was telling him what I was feeling and he told me that was normal, increase the dosis, I did and that day later (the day seven) I was having and really bad reaction, I was like in automatic "status" of nervous, feeling going to die every five seconds, can't control the muscles of my body, etc.... then he sends me clorazepate 50 mgs every 12 hours until that **** was gone (and escitalopram quit of course). After that... no more drugs for quit other please, so I stay with mirtazapine and diazepam until now...

 

And there we are (now the important for me)... In July/August of 2014 I was feeling terribles headaches, was migraines without stop, even with painkillers, going to hospital and go out of the hospital with the pain. So after I go several times in the hospital due to that (pain doesn't remove with anything, plus losing -10 kg 1.80m, 54kg using google that is 590 ft? and 119lb? etc etc I was in joined in the hospital). I was there for six days, the pain sometimes remove sometimes doesn't, but it is true than two weeks of leave the hospital the headache is too much better. They did a lot of test with me, resonance etc etc, all was ok. Except me...

 

Since that, I don't know what happened to me, but I feel really bad, like never I have feel in my life. I don't have energy, I don't have interest, curiosity... my congnitive fuctions looks like damage, my brain... hell, I'm the same but I'm not the same, I mean... before I was with problems, I was with my depression, with my hypochondria, anxiety, in normal levels as I say, was with problems was okey... but hell not this. I'm with depression, hypochondria, anxiety, agoraphobia, desrealization, despersonalization, anhedonia, bla bla... I'm like death, I'm even don't take a shower weekly, don't clean my teeth... I don't know what can I say for post here what I feel, this is a effort, a big one... I'm confused, sometimes can't take a easy decision, is... can't watch the thing than I like because I don't feel anything good, can't focus in anything in tv and isn't because I'm overthinking, I'm sometimes in a status of "no think anything" is liek I'm away, sometimes no... just feeling worse.

 

I feel really weird, like damaged, irreversible.

 

I'm checking my blood pressure all the ******* time (sorry for the language, I'm angry with myself and I feel I have to say that), the sugar... and I'm just 25 years old, everything is okey... but since july/august nothing is okey, instead of going to better I'm going very bad to down. Don't want to take new medication, I can't even support the side effects, even if they promisese me everything will be okey, is... my logical doesn't work, my head doesn't work, I feel like I'm lost in myself... 

 

I'm writing and... oh my, really, sometimes doesn't know if this is needed or not, the only one than can help is the guy himself, in this case I'm, but I can't, my body even't say to me drink water :/ I do... is just a example, my lack of English is killing me.

 

So... after leave hospital, August, I was feeling all those things than I feel now increased, so I decide to remove slowly mirtazapine and diazepam, I did first with diazepam until complete it (2 months free), then I started with mirtazapine, 3 reducing mirtazapine, sometimes around 22.5, 15, 10, 7.5... sometimes nothing, sometimes I was too tired and even sleep without mirtazapine (before that was totally imposible), so this lack of energy where from than I can sleep sometimes even without mirtazapine, diazepam or anything... Well, someday I was too nervous and I take a clorazepate (I have from my mother), and instead of feel sleep etc, I was feeling "right" during two hours, I was "What the hell is going on?", with right I mean nearly to really good. So right now I'm again with clorazepate sometimes and diazepam (that effect never happen again)...

 

I'm too confused and scared with mirtazapine, my memory is really damaged so... I don't know how exactly many times I'm quitting even If i have say 3 months. The last months I think was moving from 15 mg to 7,5, after 4 weeks someday yes someday no (can sleep sometimes), diazepam 10 mgs as much.

 

I think I didn't properly the quit of mirtazapine, yeah I was around 2 months with 22.5/15mgs, but...  later 15 to 7.5 and well, I feel horrible, but I was feeling horrible before too (I think, my memory, really sorry, I told I feel like death). Now sometimes 15, sometimes 7.5, sometimes nothing... is unstable, I'm confused, I know is not logical it's just... I'm sick. Sometimes I was having tinnitus (seems okey right now) and all those fears than I need to check my blood pressure, my sugar, can't go into a car (before I love go in a car...), can't shower, feel bad, can't stay alone, can't anything... brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, I have care people with alzheimer when I was in red crose (people than haven't money for contract someone), I was supporting my mother with everything, and now I can't even clean my teeth., I'm like a baby (newborn) of 25 years.

 

I will not say I wan't to be like before, but atleast feel okey... 3 months ago I was with feeling of quit my life or cut me, I didn't, but... something isn't right, and I'm lost, I will not do anything like that, what I mean is than I have fear of have psychotic break and do something dangerous (never got one).

 

I have read too many thread but I don't understand what "tapper" means, anyone can explain that to me?

 

I go to sleep now is too late here and I'm too tired... Really apologies for my English, for this text... is everything mix and bad... plus my bad English... I'm just, need help, please doesn't remove the thread, I will try to fix everything what is wrong the next days, I will update my signature and update things... thank you for read and sorry :/

[Frustrated]

Hi. Sorry you feel so poorly. It looks like you are taking different doses day by day so I am not surprised that you feel badly. A mod will visit your thread soon and explain how to taper your medication properly. Just hold on. I am sure you will find this site helpful. Welcome.

[Addax]

Hello Adown. Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants.

 

I'm sorry you are struggling and feeling so terrible. It does sound like you are suffering withdrawal symptoms, and I know they can feel horrible and scary and like you're going crazy. You will come through this and You have come to the right place.

 

Someone will be along that will be able to offer you some guidance but it would help if you could clarify your medication history. Are you taking medications now? Which ones? What doses?

 

You wrote that you had been taking mirtazapine and diazepam then slowly stopped taking them. It sounds like you tappered them pretty quickly and maybe haphazardly. You tapered diazepam from 10mg to 0 in two months? Is that correct? And how long did it take you to taper from the 30mg of mirtazapine? When did you last take them?

 

It also helps if you can create a signature like this: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

Like I said, someone with more experience will be along shortly with more information.

[dalsaan]

Hi Adown,

 

Addax is one the right track asking you to clarify your recent drug history.   We need to be as clear about that as possible before talking about what we would do in your circumstances.   Can you take some time to fill out your signature and provide as much information as possible on what you have tapered, how and what you are on now (if anything)

[steeley]

Hi Adone,

 

Your story reads exactly like my own. 

 

I am taking Mirtazapine and Valium and know the hell you are talking about, it feels like death and sometimes death didn't seem such a bad idea.  I have had every symptom you describe, but guess what?  I'M GETTING BETTER!  Yay.  And so will you.

 

Like you, I tapered too quickly (taper means to slowly reduce the dose over time), and finished up in the hell you are now finding yourself.  I am so sorry, because I know how horrible it is, and I really believed that I was permanentl;y damaged and that I would never get better.  I would be a psycho freak    curled up in a ball in my bed, having not showered or brushed my teeth either.  It was a nightmare.  I lost weight too, 8kgs, and I only weigh 41kgs.  Because I am getting better I am eating again and have gained ONE FULL KILO.  Yay me.

 

I was advised to work on reducing the Mirtazapine before I did any work on the Valium, so that's what I'm doing,

and must say that even though I am heaps better, I am not fully recovered (long ay to go yet) and the Valium helps me from time to time.  I will stop the Valium after I have gotten the Mirazapine fixed.

 

I began taking 30mg Mirtazapine about 10 years ago, then 18 months ago decided I wanted to stop.  I wasn't taking Valium then, it was this horrible withdrawal, and vicious tremor that had the doctor   prescribe me Valium.  Water was bouncing from my water bottle, I could not hold steady.  Legs walking like a puppet, twitches, jerking movements, c**p cognition, and all of the rest you describe, it is just like me. 

 

I found this site about 18 months ago (my memory is still a little cloudy), and learned that the best way to come off these drugs is with a slow taper.  This means that every 3-6 weeks (more if you need), you reduce your dose by 10% (less if you are

finding it too hard).  And slowly, slowly, you will begin to improve. 

 

You will experience what we call "waves" and "windows".  A "wave" is when you are feeling s**t, and this happens in WD, and a "window" is when you are feeling good, which you will also get in withdrawal.  It is really confusing because one day you feel good/OK, and the next like death. But slowly it improves and the windows get larger BIG FRENCH WINDOWS.  Yay.  And the feeling like death diminishes, though even now, when in a"wave" gets flashes of suicidality (never before in my life), and a litle bit of mania, which I never had before, and I don't have bi-polar disorder either.  It is the Mirtazapine.  I know that to my heart, een if the doctors don't. 

 

I have been in a "window" for over a week now, and have gotten so much stuff done, and I'm bathing and cleaning my teeth.  My brain is clearer and I can organise things, whereas before could not find my way out of a phone box.   I will not let myself be fooled by this because I know it could easily return tomorrow (though much less than when acute, as you are now).  It just keeps on improving, with set-backs along the way, but you learn to understand the monster and how to deal with it, and deal with it we must, we will not let it be our master any longer. That's what I think at any rate.

 

So, we are boh taking the same drugs (Mirtazapine and Valium), and I'm just a bit further down the road than you.  But you will get to this point too Adown, and be able to put out your hand of experience to help the next poor victim/survivor make it to the bitter end.  Well, not so bitter it will be so SWEET I can hardly wait.

 

By the way your English is very good, which is your first language?

 

Stay posted Mirtazapine man, we're here to help.

 

steeley

 

      

 

 

[Adown]

First of all, really thanks to all of you for use your time in try to help me, I really appreciate it, a lot.

 

#2 thank you, for the welcome and your message. I think too than maybe my symptoms are increased due to what you say (different doses).

 

#3 thank you, for the welcome and your message. Right now I'm with mirtazapine, somedays 7.5, other 0, others around 5, other arounds 10...

I did this with diazepam: June 30/20mg, July 15/10mg, August 5mg, September just around 7/10 days 5mg, October 0, November 0, December back to 5/10, January same.

With mirtazapine I did this: August was alternating few days between 30/22.5/15, September 22.5/15mg, October 15mg, November 15mg, December 15/7.5/0, January 15/7.5/0.

 

I know is no the best quit... in the final post I will write why I decided to quit or what makes me do it.

 

I have now a signature, don't know if I did it good but there is, tell me if something is wrong in it and I fix. Thank you and feel free to ask anything even if I didn't answer to all your question, sometimes I'm in the moon :/

 

#4 thank you. I have now signature and I will work in clarify the things more. Can't sound strange but I need time for write and for remember things. Hope now will be more clear but as I say I will work more in be more clear (is difficult for me).

 

#5 thank you. Woah, I really don't have too much to say to you because every single word than you type is like I'm reading myself. I got that thing called wave and windows, but during differents times of the day. Normally is always a wave, but if the windows come, it does during one or two hours, when it is during more... is fantastic (even if still feeling sick). Good to know that have a "specific" name.

Is hard and sounds weird when I have to foce myself to watch tv series like before, watch something in tv, play videogames... all forced, and don't feel anything good, even with the things than I like before, happen the same with other things like go to walk, etc. Have you intrusive memories? My language is Spanish from Spain.

Wish all the best in your fight, follow what your think is better for you and stay in that way. Thank you for explain to me what tapper, wave and window is.

 

I have to say in June 2014 with a new psychologist that was too hypnotist, he tried with me EMDR severals times without success ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_movement_desensitization_and_reprocessing) and I don't know if that have impact me in any way... then later (months later) I found https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/emdr-lashback-when-emdr-goes-wrong.1388/ and that can explain the severals and painfull headaches I was when I was in the hospital... and maybe what happen now with me, I don't know... The night after the first EMDR was the first time in my life where the body was "telling me" cut yourself for feel better (like if the body tell you drink water). I didn't.

 

I decided to quit mirtazapine and diazepam for what I have read these years, if that hurts the brain, if that is bad for cognitive functions, if that increase the risk of alzheimer or any dementia. I don't saying I'm blaming the psychiatrist, but he told that was for all the life like a diabetic... the psychologist told me can't help me if I doesn't eat new medication, what the hell is that? A psychologist can't say that in my opinion, a psychiatrist yes... I started with sertraline+clorazepate in 2005 due to grandfather die at 2003, I was going bad in the school after going excellent and started to not sleep, then I recover (quit medication succefully at 2006), and in 2010 I was caring my grandmother, she die too and then I started again with the current medication mirtazapine+diazepam. What I mean is... I was there with my grandfather, I was there with my grandmother (she don't sleep even at night so I was with her, due my parents was yelling her for doesn't sleep, but she was sick, they have to understad that, she was 94 years old :/ ). Everything is mixed... my grandparets, how the family now is close to my uncle since he got money (he was sick and nobody trust him, he was only with me, and now all the people around €€€...), problems with my sister... well problems like all of us :/

 

I know I didn't better reducing the doses, I was just doing as the psychiatrist told me years ago and even more slowly, but I notice than that was bad... What I did :/ and just readed that **** the central nervous system, mine should be nearly destroyed.

 

And now... I'm thinking what to do this night, what doses I should take of mirtazapine, I didn't this night... Feel too sick, thinking I will die today, etc... Can't stay like now, new stabilization. Nothing new but still being scary for me.

 

Thanks to all of you.

[Frustrated]

Hi again.  I am sure the mods will arrive and give you advice soon but it seems to me that you need to stay on ONE dose of the medication at the same time each day.  Take that dose for a month or two until your body settles down, then begin to taper 10 percent of that dose at that time.  Your body is upset and needs time to calm down.  You need to give it a stable dose each day for it to do that.  When the mods arrive please listen to what they suggest.  They are smart and give good advice.  They will help you do this correctly so that you have the least amount of withdrwals.  Good luck.

[Adown]

#7 thanks for your message. Hope when someone than know about this can help me with the doses and then wish I will start to see few windows more often.

[dalsaan]

Adown,

 

I'm seeking some advice from the moderation team.  Alternating doses and tapering two drugs at once is a very bad way to come off these drugs.  Will try and work out what doses you should try to stabalise on.

 

be back soon

 

Dalsaan

 

ps the posters name is on the left hand side at the top of the post, perhaps use that rather than referring to the post number which is on the right side

[Adown]

dalsaan, thank you too much.

 

I'm today reading a lot of threads, information about how this work and woah, what I did, I was totally wrong about how it works (for example when you say that of off two drugs at same time, for the CNA, etc). Finding good info here, and I see support between people with each other, that's new for me... It makes me a little sad (found info about how to do it properly) because I have lost few months of fight, and probably I have hurt myself "more than needed", but well...

 

What makes me confuses is, I was bad months ago then I decreased the doses from 30 to 15, later to 7.5, sometimes increasing again to 15 (thinking was better alternating), sometimes around 5 or nothing and now I'm thinking, what doses is the best in my case? Who knows... Just wish to feel better.

 

For clarify... I copy paste this quote of previous page:

 

"I did this with diazepam: June 30/20mg, July 15/10mg, August 5mg, September just around 7/10 days 5mg, October 0, November 0, December back to 5/10, January same (5 or 10).

With mirtazapine I did this: August was alternating few days between 30/22.5/15, September 22.5/15mg, October 15mg, November 15mg, December 15/7.5/0, January 15/7.5/0." 

 

I will use the names instead of the numbers, thank you again, dalsaan.

 

My anxiety is crazy high and I'm living feelings that I never got before, feel bad can't explain it all.

 

Other thing than make me confuses is when I read about symptoms and I most of the time got bradycardia instead of tachycardia or normal heart rate, and low blood pressure sometimes, but well, I guess it is because I'm young, my CNA is like me right now (don't know what to do) or no idea. And sometimes I can sleep without mirtazapine what sounds crazy because before that was impossible but I end the days really exhausted :/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1024-why-taper-by-10-of-my-dosage/<- readed, very useful, I will try to follow it.

 

Really thanks for this forum... When I was asking to my doctor long time ago about what's the differente between take more or less doses he just says "more powerful or less", so well... I was following that logic :/ And well, ignorant from my part.

 

Thank you all.

 

Edit: maybe is not clear at all in my signature, I'm with mirtazapine since 2010.

Edited January 13, 2015 by Adown

[Adown]

Is too late here for me (around 02:50 AM), so I will try to sleep. I will take 15 mg of mirtazapine this night and I will check tomorrow the answers, hope the 15 mg is not a bad choice, I got a bad feeling (got it every night), Wish that can changes soon. Good night to everyone and sleep well when you go to, thanks a lot to all for the help and the support. 

 

See you tomorow, Adown.

[steeley]

Hi Adone,

 

It's me again, *steeley*. I'm not experienced enough to give you accurate advice on your taper but I do know that you need to remain on one dose and stay there for at least 6 weeks (that's my opinion).

 

Maybe you will even need to updose to 30mg and stay there for the 6 weeks and then begin to reduce by 10% every 3-6 weeks. This is the recommended formula, and so far it is working for me. I'm still taking 5mg Valium a day because it does help me and I can't do the two at once. I want to work on the Mirtazapine first.

 

I was on 30mg of Mirtazapine and cut it in half (Idid not know the consequences) and I felt as you are feeling now. I decided to stay on the 15mg because I had been on it for 5 months by this time and did not want to return to 30mg. It was hell, but I got through it.

 

I am now down to 4.5mg Mirtazapine, which has taken me 18 months to achieve. It is a long and slow process.

 

A moderator with more experience will help you Adone, but if I were you I would stick with the 15mg and remain on the Valium until you have gotten the Mirtazapine in order.

 

This is only my opinion Adone, and it is the way that I decided to go, for you it might be different.

 

Keep posting and wait for a moderator to get back to you. At the moment they are very busy because a lot of people have joined up recently which makes it difficult for them to get back to everyone straight away.

 

This will not kill you Adone, it is just horrible and bizzare.

[Petunia]

Hi Adown,

we are still waiting for advice from more experienced team members, in the mean time, could you let us know how you felt after taking 15mg, were you able to sleep?

 

Petu.

[Adown]

Thanks steeley and Petu for your messages.

 

steely, I think you are right and I should remain in one doses for a time, for now I will with 15 until someone suggests me. Diazepam helps me too sometimes, yesterday evening I was very nervous , with 5 was less nervous and feel better. As you, I want to quit before mirtazapine.

 

I will wait, is not a problem. Is very good than people can found help when they feel there is not way out.

 

Wish you right, "it is just horrible and bizzare.", I want to believe that but I can't at the same time T_T I think you understand me, it's like in your previous message there "I really believed that I was permanentl;y damaged and that I would never get better. I would be a psycho freak". Even reading than this is "normal" I still don't believe that at all, months than my mind "doesn't work" and I can't found logic, or like before if I read there are more people like me I was feeling "Alright, so that is normal, I should not worry", I can't do that now

 

I was walking, helping people as volunteer, watching tv series, doing everything in computer (fixing computer problems remotely), upgrading the software everyday, reading news, going with my mother and talk about her things and problems, doing exercise, etc... and I honestly don't see that back again, I'm sorry if this is negative, I want to say what I feel. For me this is the hardest fight I have in my life by so far, this "is not life" for me, but I want to stay alive, I want to recover myself a little, atleast enough for when my parents need me fully I can care of they as they deserve.

 

Steeley. keep you posting here too if is not ask much, maybe the history is not the same but the fight is similar (have you your own thread?). As you want I want to say "But slowly it improves and the windows get larger BIG FRENCH WINDOWS" your message was very positive.

 

Thank you.

 

Petu, after 15 mg this night I have slept 10 hours, waking just two times, where the awakening was just of two minutes as much, so I have slept very good. But I don't feel better than yesterday for now, the sleep has been better by so far, so I hope that will make I will feel better during the evening because right now the only thing I want is close my eyes, hug someone and wake up of this nightmare.

 

Thank you.

 

As I said before, is nice here is people than is trying to help you without any bad interest and giving you support. Keep like that, you guys are awesome, just wish found you all before.

 

I will update later how the evening is going.

 

Thanks.

[Muddles]

Adown - I'm so sorry - your life sounds pretty much like mine because of this evil drug. Can't quite believe how this is happening and yet this drug and others will be being given out to hundreds more this minute. That's how my poop-out happened - with terrible head ache.

 

I am thinking of you.

[Adown]

Thank you, Muddles. I think the same, can't believe how this still happening. In the future, sure people will investigate "what the hell was happening to this people?", and they will have more care about this drugs, his side effect and the personal treatment. But yeah, meanwhile here we are... fucked. I will not be the same and I will no feel the things than before, I look at my niece and it's like "This can't be true... where are my feelings?" and like that with the rest of things, plus that feeling of the brain isn't working, half hour thinking what to eat, can't take a decision about anything :/

 

Thank you, I'm thinking in you too. 

[LoveandLight]

Sorry you are struggling - I'm looking forward to the day when our struggle is validated and recognised.

 

I'm glad you found this site and the help you deserve.

 

Best wishes

[Muddles]

can you report this to FDA and risk.org please.

[Adown]

Thanks Joannad.

 

I think only the time will report this, Muddles.

 

I feeling sedative, maybe it's cause by the 15mg or I don't what, my CNS is bad or no idea, but it's like think is a privilege. I will take 15mg tonight too for remain the same doses until someone with knowledge told me the right doses for my situation.

 

Is sad we have to use internet for find help...

 

The evening was bad, even sleeping better than yesterday by so far... No sense... Feeling very tired and well, things than I can't explain. In around two hours I will go to sleep.

[Petunia]

steely, I think you are right and I should remain in one doses for a time, for now I will with 15 until someone suggests me. Diazepam helps me too sometimes, yesterday evening I was very nervous , with 5 was less nervous and feel better.

 

Adown, did you also take 5mg of Diazepam last night?

[Adown]

 

steely, I think you are right and I should remain in one doses for a time, for now I will with 15 until someone suggests me. Diazepam helps me too sometimes, yesterday evening I was very nervous , with 5 was less nervous and feel better.

 

Adown, did you also take 5mg of Diazepam last night?

 

 

I did at the evening. I did today too, I will keep diazepam, not always helps me... but, can't handle this. I have to stay nearly "good" for my mother, my niece...

 

I feel so miserable, can't do anything, can't feel enough for do the basic things... I feel sometimes is not me who is living, but well...

 

Thank you all.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Adown.

 

Your nervous system is distressed from all the drugs and going on and off drugs. It needs stability.

 

If I were you, I'd take 15mg mirtazapine at the same time every day.

 

If you are taking diazepam only occasionally, I would take a fraction of a tablet only when your symptoms seem very severe.

 

Please keep notes on paper about your daily symptom pattern and when you take your drugs, plus the dosage for each drug. This will help us figure out where the symptoms are coming from.

[Adown]

Thanks for the welcome and for your message, Altostrata.

 

Alright, then today will be the day 3 with 15mg.

I will follow your tips, and I will add in the notes for myself what I eat or drink.

 

Thanks a lot for your help, Altostrata.

 

I will sleep in few minutes, is late here.

The day of today was similar of yesterday, I have sleep better but the rest is worse adding more "sedative" than usual, can't focus good my eyes in the monitor or anything. I was out to walk after few days and using upstairs to my flat, is a small things but sometimes I don't go out of home during weeks. Still feeling is not me who do the things sometimes... ugly feeling about my cognition, my head, etc.

 

Good night to everyone, sleep well when go to and my best wishes.

 

See you tomorrow, Adown.

[Rhiannon]

I am unclear about how you have been using the diazepam. If you have been taking it two or three times a week or more, it would be best to just take the same small amount at the same time every day. 

 

Diazepam changes in our bodies to a different benzo, which is broken down to another one, and then to another one. This process goes on over about three or four days. Some of those breakdown products are more sedative than the original diazepam so you will get varying effects over that time.

 

Given how bad you are feeling, I am concerned that erratic use of diazepam might be causing too much change in your brain chemistry. It is best to keep things as stable and consistent as possible from one day to the next.

 

Can you clarify for us, how much diazepam have you been taking in the past four or five months, what dose and how often?

[Adown]

Hello. Sorry if I write bad, I'm in the bed using the phone. I will do a summary of today but first I will answer to Rhi.

 

Rhi, thanks for your message.

Diazepam: June 30/20mg, July 15/10mg,

August 5mg, September just around 6 days 5mg, October 0, November 0, December back to 5/10, January 5.

 

I will try to follow your tips, thanks too much, Rhi.

 

Today was a really bad day. Wake up too bad after sleep few hours and bad, the day without energy, then I check my blood pressure and was 89/59, more later 87/70 (low pulse pressure?), I was dizzy and with nauseas, I drink a coffee after years, due to that but mainly because I was unable to do anything. Didn't feel anything with the coffee, strange.

Later a big headache was added, then I eat paracetamol, and 4 hours later dexketoprofeno trometamol (enantyum) without effect... all this mixed with things and feelings than I can't explain maked me go to the hospital, with my father saying "He has to feel bad now?", like if I can choice... I eat diazepam 5x2 for skip the hospital but nothing... and the doctor was the same than years ago told me "The psychiatric is your place".

 

Well... here I am... 05:58 AM here, goos Night and sleep well everyone, my best wishes...

[bubble]

Sorry about this Adown. 3  days after reinstatement is still too early days. We know very well how awfully scary it all is but it is just temporary and it will pass.

 

We find that coffee contributes to anxiety so we avoid it. Are you familiar with any breathing techniques or mindfulness meditation? It's actually quite simple: you just focus on your breathing and follow your breath on its way through you body and also observe what is happening to your body. This has a very calming effect. 

 

Hang in there.

[Adown]

bubble, thanks for your post.

 

Wish as you can say it is temporal... honestly can't imagine this more time, it's a torture. I'm a little familiar with breathing techniques, was checkings months ago about yoga or budish people, and I have learn few things.

 

My worst symptoms are as I say "cognitives" inside the head. Also I have physical symptoms, but what chokes me more are the symptoms of the "head".

 

As I say... can't imagine this more, is... for example today I'm the whole day with friends of Internet using chat voice, and I'm... can understad what they says, but sometimes can't handle all and sometimes is like I have a delay or I have to repeat to my head what they say for asimilate the information... sometimes it's like I can not vocalize well ... brrrrrrr......

 

By the way... I using a normal oral solution orodispersible (under the tongue), I have the best is a liquid solution than pharmacy can do... should I try for it they can make one for me? Sometimes I eat 15, but other times is 16 or 14, don't know if you understand me, because I have to broken the 30mg of the original doses (I need to request a date with my doctor, and by the way the day 20 I got psychiatrist...).

 

Today will be the day 5 with 15mg...

 

Thank you all.

[Adown]

I guess probably due to all what you have said I will start to feel a little better atleast in a month (when my central nervous system is "stablized"), but is true than since I started with 15 everyday (this night will be the day 6), my windows of 1 or 2 hours per day than sometimes appears doesn't exist.

 

This is making me worried...

 

I have read about "supplements": "1.b. Do not ADD more than one drug or supplement at a time.

When you add more than one thing at a time -- or, worse, throw the kitchen sink into some kind of cocktail -- and you get a bad reaction, you won't have any idea what to do. Should you drop one thing or all of them?
 This is also true of mixed supplements, supplements that contain more than one ingredient. It's better to try one ingredient at a time to see how you react.".

 

But I read a lot of people have supplements, I need something for deal better with this thing, because now is winning to me...

 

Doesn't matter if I do meditation (maybe I do it bad), or whatever, it is just horrific for me. Maybe for other person no, but for me... is heavy and difficult what I'm living. I guess I'm too weak.

[bubble]

oh no Adown!You are not weak! These are one of the worst things a human being can experience and we are all struggling.

 

You are just as brave and strong as any of us. I mean it.

 

It's very important to take the exact dose every day. These inaccuracies might be causing your instability. I make my own liquid suspension and will check the thread with info about mirtazapine.

 

Giving myself credit for what I'm going through and being gentle with myself helped me to survive the worst moments. Don't feel bad about things you have difficulties doing at the moment. Just accept them as something temporary that will go away. We have to constantly look for a balance between engaging in gently paced activity and sparing ourselves from stress.

 

Hang in there.

[Adown]

bubble, thank you again for your post.

 

About what I have say of sometimes 14, 15 or 16 is because for me is difficult to cut the mirtazapine, I will check if pharmacy can do for me a liquid solution because make my own liquid... I can't, but I will check tomorrow more slowly the thread for it.

 

Thanks for your comments, I really appreciate it.

 

Is time for sleep, day 6 with 15.

 

Good night everyone and sleep well when go to.

 

A hug,

[Adown]

Day 7 with 15. Tomorrow I have psychiatrist, let's see...

 

Good night everyone, sleep well when go to.

 

A hug.

[Adown]

Well, today I was with the psychiatrist. We have talk a little... is like he doesn't want talk about reduce the mirtazapine or help me in how I have to do it. He added to me paroxetine and oxcarbazepine, I told him I'm afraid and don't accept of new drugs... but nothing. Then he call my father enter the room for talk about that... New drugs, new discussions in home, now a doctor told to my father I have to add that drugs and now the months will be "You have to eat that because he say that"...

 

Oxcarbazepine... he told me is because he thinks I got epilepsy, even with the test they did to me in the hospital, so he says better if I do a EEG again. Is not better visit a neurologist and then...? Looks like oxcarbazepine is for mental diseases too...

 

Well, here I am, with all my family against me, and I'm feeling worse everyday. More drugs coming, more drugs coming...

 

I won't take the new ones.

 

Good day/evening for all.

 

Edit: EEG, I writed it bad.

[Adown]

Day 8 with 15.

 

Good night everyone.

[Petunia]

I'm sorry to hear about how badly your psychiatrist appointment went, most of these doctors don't have a clue and just want to add more drugs.  You are right about oxcarbazepine, it is sometimes prescribed off label as a mood stabilizer. 

 

I don't know how old you are, but if you are an adult, you don't have to take any medication which you believe isn't right for you.

 

I put the drugs your doctor wants you to take in the interactions checker, there are some potentially dangerous interactions:

 

Interactions between your selected drugs

paroxetine ↔ mirtazapine

Applies to: paroxetine, mirtazapine

Talk to your doctor before using PARoxetine together with mirtazapine. Combining these medications can increase the risk of a rare but serious condition called the serotonin syndrome, which may include symptoms such as confusion, hallucination, seizure, extreme changes in blood pressure, increased heart rate, fever, excessive sweating, shivering or shaking, blurred vision, muscle spasm or stiffness, tremor, incoordination, stomach cramp, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. Severe cases may result in coma and even death. You should contact your doctor immediately if you experience these symptoms while taking the medications. It is important to tell your doctor about all other medications you use, including vitamins and herbs. Do not stop using any medications without first talking to your doctor.

Switch to professional interaction data

paroxetine ↔ oxcarbazepine

Applies to: paroxetine, oxcarbazepine

Using PARoxetine together with OXcarbazepine may increase side effects such as dizziness, drowsiness, and difficulty concentrating. Some people may also experience some impairment in thinking and judgment. You should avoid or limit the use of alcohol while being treated with these medications. Avoid driving or operating hazardous machinery until you know how the medications affect you. It is important to tell your doctor about all other medications you use, including vitamins and herbs. Do not stop using any medications without first talking to your doctor.

Switch to professional interaction data

mirtazapine ↔ oxcarbazepine

Applies to: mirtazapine, oxcarbazepine

Using mirtazapine together with OXcarbazepine may increase side effects such as dizziness, drowsiness, and difficulty concentrating. Some people may also experience some impairment in thinking and judgment. You should avoid or limit the use of alcohol while being treated with these medications. Avoid driving or operating hazardous machinery until you know how the medications affect you. It is important to tell your doctor about all other medications you use, including vitamins and herbs. Do not stop using any medications without first talking to your doctor.

 

http://www.drugs.com/interactions-check.php?drug_list=1640-0,1765-0,1800-0

 

I hope you are able to avoid taking the new drugs so that you can give the mirtazapine reinstatement a chance to work.  You are doing really well at day 8, how are you feeling now?

[Adown]

Petu, thanks again for you post, the information and specially the support.

 

I'm adult, 25 years old. I can avoid the new drugs, the problem is than that will cause discussion at home... and that doesn't help. I'm adult but like I'm not, I mean... I'm 25 but is just a number, I'm at home with my parents since I born so...

 

In other data with the psychiatrist he tried with me onlanzapine, I eat one day and no more, very strong drug for me... I was feeling like a tree, there... without do anything, just want to sleep.

 

I'm thinking this doctor the frist time wants to tag me of any psychotic or schizophrenia disease, he saw I only take onlanzapine one time and now is with other drug that is for bipolar disease (the oxcarbazepine), from my point of view it's like he wants to tag me of bipolar (I mean, if I say I'm better since onlanzapine, it will be X disease, if I say I'm better with oxcarbazepine, it will be Y disease)... it's like I should have a tag instead of help me reducing the mirtazapine, that maybe is not the best option, who knows, maybe, but I'm totally disagreement to eat new drugs and he knows that, and he insists with new drugs... now using my father for put pressure over me. So I'm little frustrated, because I can have any or a lot mental diseases, of course, and I have more than one, but... why this personal treatment? For me sounds like wants to create new diaseases in me... 

Why all the data is about new drugs... So when new drugs no longer works what will be? Other new drugs? Sounds nice...

 

Today I'm not bipolar or schizophrenia, but if I'm in the future, I don't have problem in try to do the best, what makes me angry is put in me any random drug and see what happen. With all the stress sure the psychratrist finally wins (any psychotic break due to my CNS bad or due to stress).

Still writing and being angry, I have two friend with schizophrenia, and that makes me more angry due people than maybe got it and aren't helped properly like me without it... don't know if this is understandable, I mean, if I have X for what a medication for Y. And better don't talk about honesty, he is free to say for what is the new medication, with olanzapine he talks me was for my anxiety (there are a lot of benzos less stronger than that), and with this was for epilepsy (what epilepsy?).

 

I'm writing too much about the same I think, sorry... it's just, I remembering all the time when I accept to eat drugs years ago, and I see myself now and... ******* feeling...

 

Summary and answering to your question. Yesterday even with the data of the psychiatrist was good compared with the rest of days, today was going not bad, until few hours than I feel horrible... so well, here we are. Tonight will be the day 9 with 15, let's see... If is not clear, I won't take the new drugs.

 

Thank you too much.

[Adown]

Bad feeling... Day 9 with 15.

 

Good night everyone.