Adown Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 I'm in the bed, and I want to write while the sleep is coming (sorry for the English but can't check translator in the mobile). Doesn't matter if I have anwsers or not, I just write here like a daily. I miss have the strength of my grandmother. When I was more young I was more stronger than now. Remember how I was supporting everything, handling the extrapiramidal syndrome due to fluoxetine, remember one day I was too sick due I don't know what and I was don't getting nervous having parestesias in the head (until that force me sleep), and hours later I was in the street playing with my friends. And blabla, that kind of thigs. I have writed that as example because now I'm a glass, can't tolerate or support anything... A lot of fear, and months ago I was going to the doctor everyday (not exactly but). And here I'm now... People around me thinks I'm not doing anything for change this 2005: sertraline + clorazepate until summer 2006, I quit very slowly without any problem and feeling even better. 2008 (around, I don't remember) I tried fluoxetine but leave the second day after a extrapidamidal syndrome. 2010: mirtazapine 30 mg + diazepam 10 mg, both everyday 2011: I tried to quit mirtazapine with the help of the psychiatrist, but nothing. I visit other psychiatrist and everyhing fails when escitalopram+mirtazapine and adding orfidal instead of diazepam, then I was 50mg every 12 hours of clorazepate for fix the damage of the new medication and I back to mirtazapine+diazepam. 2014: still with mirtazapine+diazepam, I quit diazepam, but then I back due I was not feeling better as I expected, I did like this: June 30/20mg, July 15/10mg, August 5mg, September just around 6 days 5mg, October 0, November 0, December back to 5/10, January same. 2015: Trying to quit mirtazapine since August, August was alternating few days between 30/22.5/15, September 22.5/15mg, October 15mg, November 15mg, December 15/7.5/0, January 15/7.5/0. My diagnostic before 2010 (all by doctors) was depression and anxiety, in 2010 was diagnostic with depression, anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, pineal cyst and don't remember if something more. Diagnostic since summer 2014 (all by doctors) is the same adding basal anxiety, agorofobia, anhedomia, depersonalization, derealization, hypothymia, asthenia. I will add obsesive compulsive disorder. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7869-adown-help-me-in-my-history/ Link to comment
Adown Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 This phone isbmaking.a.headache to me... I will.complete tomorroe the text...... Can't even write.without.prolblems.in the phone 2005: sertraline + clorazepate until summer 2006, I quit very slowly without any problem and feeling even better. 2008 (around, I don't remember) I tried fluoxetine but leave the second day after a extrapidamidal syndrome. 2010: mirtazapine 30 mg + diazepam 10 mg, both everyday 2011: I tried to quit mirtazapine with the help of the psychiatrist, but nothing. I visit other psychiatrist and everyhing fails when escitalopram+mirtazapine and adding orfidal instead of diazepam, then I was 50mg every 12 hours of clorazepate for fix the damage of the new medication and I back to mirtazapine+diazepam. 2014: still with mirtazapine+diazepam, I quit diazepam, but then I back due I was not feeling better as I expected, I did like this: June 30/20mg, July 15/10mg, August 5mg, September just around 6 days 5mg, October 0, November 0, December back to 5/10, January same. 2015: Trying to quit mirtazapine since August, August was alternating few days between 30/22.5/15, September 22.5/15mg, October 15mg, November 15mg, December 15/7.5/0, January 15/7.5/0. My diagnostic before 2010 (all by doctors) was depression and anxiety, in 2010 was diagnostic with depression, anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, pineal cyst and don't remember if something more. Diagnostic since summer 2014 (all by doctors) is the same adding basal anxiety, agorofobia, anhedomia, depersonalization, derealization, hypothymia, asthenia. I will add obsesive compulsive disorder. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7869-adown-help-me-in-my-history/ Link to comment
Adown Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 Well, here I'm again, writing in the bed using the phone. Wish this time don't missclick post's button before the text is ready... Will try to complete the text I was writing yesterday (can't edit previous posts). Years ago I was more stronger and more mature, I was supporting and handling things better, now it's like I'm having a degradation. I was more able to give the best of myself for the rest of the people or for everything, and now I can't even 1/4. Can't stay few hours with a internet friend before he leaves due to work to other country, or the day of welcome back... and that is only internet, in person is worst, and all because I feel myself too bad. People around me, even family, thinks I'm not doing anything for change this, thinks I'm having a good life because I don't work, I don't study, I don't anything, just in my room... and that is wrong. I want to do a lot of things, feel able to, but this... without a shower since... this is like a punishment. What I'm living is bad. I think I prefer to born in a tribe, simple things makes everything better. I was vital, good energy, listening all the time because I think every person should be heard doesn't matter age, about what is, etc, and I'm unable too that too... Am I the same? Today was forgotten all the time if I turns off or on the things of the house, checking 3 or 4 times until I remember I did... this is new for me. I have enough, don't want more... Just want to feel enough better for care of my fathers when they get more old, and not like now than they are caring me. I feel strange... here I'm. I will fight, yes, but I'm going to back instead foward. Everyday the things haven't less sense... and I do even less. I'm missing things in the text, but can't remember... Now is time for mirtazapine, day 10 I think, not sure if is ten or eleven... 15 mgs. Have fear, feel ugly, but is time for try to sleep... Good night everyone, sleep well when go to. A hug. 2005: sertraline + clorazepate until summer 2006, I quit very slowly without any problem and feeling even better. 2008 (around, I don't remember) I tried fluoxetine but leave the second day after a extrapidamidal syndrome. 2010: mirtazapine 30 mg + diazepam 10 mg, both everyday 2011: I tried to quit mirtazapine with the help of the psychiatrist, but nothing. I visit other psychiatrist and everyhing fails when escitalopram+mirtazapine and adding orfidal instead of diazepam, then I was 50mg every 12 hours of clorazepate for fix the damage of the new medication and I back to mirtazapine+diazepam. 2014: still with mirtazapine+diazepam, I quit diazepam, but then I back due I was not feeling better as I expected, I did like this: June 30/20mg, July 15/10mg, August 5mg, September just around 6 days 5mg, October 0, November 0, December back to 5/10, January same. 2015: Trying to quit mirtazapine since August, August was alternating few days between 30/22.5/15, September 22.5/15mg, October 15mg, November 15mg, December 15/7.5/0, January 15/7.5/0. My diagnostic before 2010 (all by doctors) was depression and anxiety, in 2010 was diagnostic with depression, anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, pineal cyst and don't remember if something more. Diagnostic since summer 2014 (all by doctors) is the same adding basal anxiety, agorofobia, anhedomia, depersonalization, derealization, hypothymia, asthenia. I will add obsesive compulsive disorder. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7869-adown-help-me-in-my-history/ Link to comment
Muddles Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Adown - your so called doctor has absolutley no clue about what can happen on these drugs or when you try to come off. Trying to shove more pills on you and wanting to slap a diagnoses on you is what they all do unfortunately. I had the same experience with my pysch. doc and in the end refused to see him. They are very dangerous people who will, as soon as you walk through their door, be thinking about what drug they can prescribe to you. It's a total tragedy - but you will never leave their office without meds....that's not the way they roll. I understand everything you write....it's such a shame but we weren't to know any better. We trusted those who are supposed to care. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Adown Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 Muddles, thanks again for your post. I'm agree with you. I don't think all psychiatrists are the same, but yes than mostly... is sad to write that, because they are needed too, but it's as you told, can't leave the room without new medication. People need a psychiatrist for start a new medication, but too for leaves it... and there is the problem, where are they? Like all, there is good psychiatrists, but we dont find one, or maybe we are bad pacients, who knows (I think we can be complicated, but not bad... just triying to see the situation from an objetive point of view). With the medication I have lost the "ability" of hear my body and my mind, for example... after a panic attack, I was feeling I need go to a field/land (don't know the right work in English). Or than I have to do a long walk, etc... and now I don't have that anymore. Even I have the privilege of choose what to eat, privilege because we/I don't pass hungry, but my body doesn't tell me anything... same with water. I have to do tests for driver license, and later for license for drive a taxi, for have the business of my father (taxi driver, self-employee?), but currently if I drive is a negligence, is bad for me but more for people driving around me, so no... and they are putting pressure on me. Drive in my situation is dangerous for all. Just leave the flat once per week for walk during 5 minutes (a lap where I live), and sometimes no one day in a week. This is bad for the body and the brain, I know, but... boh... Where are my good energy... 2005: sertraline + clorazepate until summer 2006, I quit very slowly without any problem and feeling even better. 2008 (around, I don't remember) I tried fluoxetine but leave the second day after a extrapidamidal syndrome. 2010: mirtazapine 30 mg + diazepam 10 mg, both everyday 2011: I tried to quit mirtazapine with the help of the psychiatrist, but nothing. I visit other psychiatrist and everyhing fails when escitalopram+mirtazapine and adding orfidal instead of diazepam, then I was 50mg every 12 hours of clorazepate for fix the damage of the new medication and I back to mirtazapine+diazepam. 2014: still with mirtazapine+diazepam, I quit diazepam, but then I back due I was not feeling better as I expected, I did like this: June 30/20mg, July 15/10mg, August 5mg, September just around 6 days 5mg, October 0, November 0, December back to 5/10, January same. 2015: Trying to quit mirtazapine since August, August was alternating few days between 30/22.5/15, September 22.5/15mg, October 15mg, November 15mg, December 15/7.5/0, January 15/7.5/0. My diagnostic before 2010 (all by doctors) was depression and anxiety, in 2010 was diagnostic with depression, anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, pineal cyst and don't remember if something more. Diagnostic since summer 2014 (all by doctors) is the same adding basal anxiety, agorofobia, anhedomia, depersonalization, derealization, hypothymia, asthenia. I will add obsesive compulsive disorder. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7869-adown-help-me-in-my-history/ Link to comment
Muddles Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 I hear you...it's the drug, it is not you...you will be ok. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Rhiannon Posted January 23, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 23, 2015 Adown, I really feel what you are talking about. I also had the same experience with these drugs. I have always been strong and able to do whatever I wanted, and these drugs just destroyed me in a way that I had never experienced before. Many other people have expressed the same thoughts and feelings here, over the years. You are not alone. Now I am getting old so I am having to face my weakness, but I feel as if the drugs have made me older than I would have been. I think it would be good for you to read the book Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker. It is available in Spanish. Here is the author: Good luck to you today. You are not alone. Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010. Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea. Feb 15 2010: 300 mg Neurontin 200 Lamictal 10 Celexa 0.65 Xanax and 5 mg Ambien Feb 10 2014: 62 Lamictal 1.1 Celexa 0.135 Xanax 1.8 Valium Feb 10 2015: 50 Lamictal 0.875 Celexa 0.11 Xanax 1.5 Valium Feb 15 2016: 47.5 Lamictal 0.75 Celexa 0.0875 Xanax 1.42 Valium 2/12/20 12 0.045 0.007 1 May 2021 7 0.01 0.0037 1 Feb 2022 6 0!!! 0.00167 0.98 2.5 mg Ambien Oct 2022 4.5 mg Lamictal (off Celexa, off Xanax) 0.95 Valium Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Rhiannon Posted January 23, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 23, 2015 Okay, just reading back through your thread. It sounds like you're taking 15 mg daily of mirtazapine now, that's good. Please don't change things around, just take the same thing at the same time every day. It's going to take a long time to settle down because you took your drugs at varying doses (not the same amount every day) for so many months. We find that varying doses really scrambles peoples' brains. It's just going to take some time for you to heal from that. Also, it sounds like you went off diazepam really fast and you are probably having some withdrawal symptoms from that. It sounds like you took it again in December and January. Are you still taking any now? I wonder if a small reinstatement of the diazepam might help your symptoms. Can you see if your doctor will prescribe you the 2 mg tablets of diazepam? I would like to see if a small reinstatement on that would help you. I am thinking that you might try one fourth of a 2 mg tablet (so a total of 1/2 of a mg) and see how your body reacts. If you do okay with the one fourth I think you might try going up to one half, so that you are taking a total of 1 mg (one half of a 2 mg tablet) at bedtime. Then, no more of this changing doses. Give your brain a steady, stable, consistent chemical environment. 15 mg of mirtazapine and (maybe) 1 mg of diazepam, at the same time or times every day, same amount every day. It seems to me, given your history, that a solid reinstatement combined with taking the same doses at the same time every day, is your best bet for stabilizing at this point. It may take a few months. Once you are more stable and feeling better, you can begin to taper in the very slow, sensible way that we recommend here. I do think you will get better, but it is going to take some time. This is the hardest part, getting stable, going through the waiting period for things to improve. Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010. Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea. Feb 15 2010: 300 mg Neurontin 200 Lamictal 10 Celexa 0.65 Xanax and 5 mg Ambien Feb 10 2014: 62 Lamictal 1.1 Celexa 0.135 Xanax 1.8 Valium Feb 10 2015: 50 Lamictal 0.875 Celexa 0.11 Xanax 1.5 Valium Feb 15 2016: 47.5 Lamictal 0.75 Celexa 0.0875 Xanax 1.42 Valium 2/12/20 12 0.045 0.007 1 May 2021 7 0.01 0.0037 1 Feb 2022 6 0!!! 0.00167 0.98 2.5 mg Ambien Oct 2022 4.5 mg Lamictal (off Celexa, off Xanax) 0.95 Valium Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion. Link to comment
Adown Posted January 24, 2015 Author Share Posted January 24, 2015 Muddles, thank you for hear me again. You and people than read but don't write, there is always people, thanks to all. Rhi, thanks too much for your message and the video. Wow... What can I say about the video, I think is very clear... I'm talking with a friend, and he is suggesting me the next (for the next data with psychiatrist): "If is me, next time I visit the doctor I will say "Look, we can do this in two ways, good or bad, if you don't help me I will do it on my own.". Or "This poisons doesn't work for anything and I don't want anymore, want to quit, if you send me more medication for feel worse I will not take, because isn't helping me, you will help me?". Rhi, the video has impact me because I wasn't thinking I will find a video of someone talking this, the other true. About the rest... I still with diazepam, 5mg everyday (I want to jump sometimes -don't take- but after all the sugestions I don't jump), but these days I'm feeling worse, worse, worse... today was horrible, 5:30pm in Spain and was the end of everything for me, then I take 10mg (bad, bad, bad.... but I don't want to go to the hospital) and I started to feel better... I relate diazepam with feel better (even if after diazepam I don't... years and years and it's normal that feeling than I hate). Now than I'm reading you... I'm asking why they start with "high" doses instead of the lowest... I started with 5mg, when they are low doses, or 5 and cut it 1/4 what is 1,25... why the hell start with 5mgs). I will see if my doctor changes it to 2. I will visit tomorrow the pharmacy for talk about liquid for mirtazapine, because cut the 30mg of mirtazapine to 15mgs sometimes I'm not accurate. I'm saying everyday I will visit the pharmacy but feel bad even for go there, and is to 300meters only... Wish your think than I will feel better come to true. I will check about the book. A millions of thanks. 2005: sertraline + clorazepate until summer 2006, I quit very slowly without any problem and feeling even better. 2008 (around, I don't remember) I tried fluoxetine but leave the second day after a extrapidamidal syndrome. 2010: mirtazapine 30 mg + diazepam 10 mg, both everyday 2011: I tried to quit mirtazapine with the help of the psychiatrist, but nothing. I visit other psychiatrist and everyhing fails when escitalopram+mirtazapine and adding orfidal instead of diazepam, then I was 50mg every 12 hours of clorazepate for fix the damage of the new medication and I back to mirtazapine+diazepam. 2014: still with mirtazapine+diazepam, I quit diazepam, but then I back due I was not feeling better as I expected, I did like this: June 30/20mg, July 15/10mg, August 5mg, September just around 6 days 5mg, October 0, November 0, December back to 5/10, January same. 2015: Trying to quit mirtazapine since August, August was alternating few days between 30/22.5/15, September 22.5/15mg, October 15mg, November 15mg, December 15/7.5/0, January 15/7.5/0. My diagnostic before 2010 (all by doctors) was depression and anxiety, in 2010 was diagnostic with depression, anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, pineal cyst and don't remember if something more. Diagnostic since summer 2014 (all by doctors) is the same adding basal anxiety, agorofobia, anhedomia, depersonalization, derealization, hypothymia, asthenia. I will add obsesive compulsive disorder. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7869-adown-help-me-in-my-history/ Link to comment
Adown Posted January 24, 2015 Author Share Posted January 24, 2015 Day 11 with 15. Minutes ago I was with cold, trembling, chestpain, fear, dizzy (still dizzy)... everything what we all know. I hate this thing than is always the same but at the same time is different everytime, can't adapt to it. It's like doesn't have a filter, everything bad is coming, filters for prevent or avoid that doesn't exist. Still like all you are doing, fighting, helping other people, hearing/reading, offering a hand, improving the quality of life of the people. This sounds like a bye it isn't, it is just normal on me when I feel I will die say things like this. Now I will try to sleep, wish close my eyes and got an instant sleep, wake up and have a "good" day... here I'm, hugging the pillow. My best wishes to all of you in your owns fights, in the life, in everything. Keep being like that. A hug. 2005: sertraline + clorazepate until summer 2006, I quit very slowly without any problem and feeling even better. 2008 (around, I don't remember) I tried fluoxetine but leave the second day after a extrapidamidal syndrome. 2010: mirtazapine 30 mg + diazepam 10 mg, both everyday 2011: I tried to quit mirtazapine with the help of the psychiatrist, but nothing. I visit other psychiatrist and everyhing fails when escitalopram+mirtazapine and adding orfidal instead of diazepam, then I was 50mg every 12 hours of clorazepate for fix the damage of the new medication and I back to mirtazapine+diazepam. 2014: still with mirtazapine+diazepam, I quit diazepam, but then I back due I was not feeling better as I expected, I did like this: June 30/20mg, July 15/10mg, August 5mg, September just around 6 days 5mg, October 0, November 0, December back to 5/10, January same. 2015: Trying to quit mirtazapine since August, August was alternating few days between 30/22.5/15, September 22.5/15mg, October 15mg, November 15mg, December 15/7.5/0, January 15/7.5/0. My diagnostic before 2010 (all by doctors) was depression and anxiety, in 2010 was diagnostic with depression, anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, pineal cyst and don't remember if something more. Diagnostic since summer 2014 (all by doctors) is the same adding basal anxiety, agorofobia, anhedomia, depersonalization, derealization, hypothymia, asthenia. I will add obsesive compulsive disorder. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7869-adown-help-me-in-my-history/ Link to comment
Adown Posted January 24, 2015 Author Share Posted January 24, 2015 Is around 4:50pm here, yesterday at 5:30pm I was feeling I was going to die in seconds with bad sensations and feeling in my head, and now is happening again to me... 40 minutes before than yesterday, will be now this normal.and I will feel like this everyday? Can't with this, just can't, my head is right now........ Just writing... trying to check if write how I feel makes me feel better in any way... I think not, but... How can I stop this... indescribable. 2005: sertraline + clorazepate until summer 2006, I quit very slowly without any problem and feeling even better. 2008 (around, I don't remember) I tried fluoxetine but leave the second day after a extrapidamidal syndrome. 2010: mirtazapine 30 mg + diazepam 10 mg, both everyday 2011: I tried to quit mirtazapine with the help of the psychiatrist, but nothing. I visit other psychiatrist and everyhing fails when escitalopram+mirtazapine and adding orfidal instead of diazepam, then I was 50mg every 12 hours of clorazepate for fix the damage of the new medication and I back to mirtazapine+diazepam. 2014: still with mirtazapine+diazepam, I quit diazepam, but then I back due I was not feeling better as I expected, I did like this: June 30/20mg, July 15/10mg, August 5mg, September just around 6 days 5mg, October 0, November 0, December back to 5/10, January same. 2015: Trying to quit mirtazapine since August, August was alternating few days between 30/22.5/15, September 22.5/15mg, October 15mg, November 15mg, December 15/7.5/0, January 15/7.5/0. My diagnostic before 2010 (all by doctors) was depression and anxiety, in 2010 was diagnostic with depression, anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, pineal cyst and don't remember if something more. Diagnostic since summer 2014 (all by doctors) is the same adding basal anxiety, agorofobia, anhedomia, depersonalization, derealization, hypothymia, asthenia. I will add obsesive compulsive disorder. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7869-adown-help-me-in-my-history/ Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Rhiannon Posted January 24, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 24, 2015 No, if you have been taking 5 mg of diazepam every day, stay with that, don't cut it back now. Right now you need to take the same dose of the same medications at the same time every day. All of the changing around, taking different doses on different days, stopping meds and starting them again, is what has messed up your brain and body so that you feel the horrible things you are feeling. Take your 5 mg diazepam (only) and your 15 mg of mirtazipine, every day, at the same time. I know what you are feeling is horrible. It will take some time to settle down. But if you change things, take different doses on different days, it will not settle down. I know it is hard to believe, but it is possible to feel worse than you are feeling now. I don't want you to feel worse. There are other things you can do that will help you settle down, but right now this is the most important thing and probably the easiest. Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010. Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea. Feb 15 2010: 300 mg Neurontin 200 Lamictal 10 Celexa 0.65 Xanax and 5 mg Ambien Feb 10 2014: 62 Lamictal 1.1 Celexa 0.135 Xanax 1.8 Valium Feb 10 2015: 50 Lamictal 0.875 Celexa 0.11 Xanax 1.5 Valium Feb 15 2016: 47.5 Lamictal 0.75 Celexa 0.0875 Xanax 1.42 Valium 2/12/20 12 0.045 0.007 1 May 2021 7 0.01 0.0037 1 Feb 2022 6 0!!! 0.00167 0.98 2.5 mg Ambien Oct 2022 4.5 mg Lamictal (off Celexa, off Xanax) 0.95 Valium Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion. Link to comment
Adown Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 Rhi, thanks again for your post. I'm on it... I'm on it... I'm taking the same doses of everything since you and other people with knowledge suggest me that here, because I feel I can't quit it right now due to... well, who cares. Eleven days with 15mgs of mirtazapine and 5mgs of diazepam, except yesterday than I was 10mg of diazepam due to what I have writed yesterday. Have I to say sorry for feel like this? I saying sorry all day, "Sorry mother for don't clean the dishes", "Sorry for don't go with you and dad in the car, prefer to stay here alone because the car is too bad for me", "Sorry for don't eat all the lunch today, I will finish it later, can't know". So alright... sorry for take 10mg of diazepam yesterday when I was feeling bad, and sorry for "stop and start"/change the doses of the drugs when I was thinking there was not damage. Sorry for waste your time. It's not difficult to believe than I or anyone can feel worse than now (I guess you say that for make me fear about change the doses), this is not a stable situation with the same feelings and sensations, this is a crazy thing as you know than everyday is putting your on the limit, I feel worse than when I was "changing" doses, but I still doing as is supposed to be, KIS, I'm following the tips... I'm doing my best even if you or any other don't think the same, even if anyone thinks what I do don't have any sense, my brain is hurt, as I, I'm fettered, limited. Maybe this is not for me, maybe I'm too weak and I told before, right know I'm feeling I will die in the following minutes, and here I'm writing, because what I do, go to the hospital and what "What are you doing here again? What is now?" Is that comfortable? I can't visit a hospital anymore. A stupid thing as play videogames I can't, can't read books, sometimes can't watch tv, is not because I'm overthinking, is because I'm not there, I'm empty of good things, only crap cognition, bad feelings, bad sensations, as you, as all. I check my blood pressure around 15 times in a day, I check my sugar 3 times, I check my body temperature 3 times, this TOC wasn't with me, and now it's everyday. I don't feel anything when I see my niece, and before I was happy when I was going out of home because all the children was coming to me for hug me, I love childrens and I love old people, sitting with they for talk and more important for listen and learn. I was doing very long walks. Now all good is gone, I take a shower one time around 45 days, I clean my teeth every 30 days aprox. Is that right? Why the hell I have to explain this details than make me feel shame and "fear" about people than know me read it. Even I can't stay alone with my niece. The only thing I'm thinking about the doses is if 15 is the best, because I was with 30 since 2010 until August of 2014, and 10 diazepam since the same data and until May, but that doesn't make me change the doses, I'm following the tips, of you, of people with experience, I think I'm doing it... I'm scared, like all, I having feelings and thinkings than I don't like than has increased a lot since yesterday and today, few without any ******* sense, suicidal thinks and impulsive violence and you can see. I request this? I didn't. I was a normal/decent person, and now I'm a ******* ****, that's a good summary. Maybe this website is not for me. Maybe there is no one good place for me. I still with life because I love my mother, and because I love the life, but at the same time the life is leaving me. Jack Kerouac "Isn't it true that you start your life a sweet child, believing in everything under your father's roof? Then comes the day of the Laodiceans, when you know you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked, and with the visage of a gruesome, grieving ghost you go shuddering through nightmare life." This irritation was the last thing I needed, and all due to my perception of the things. Let's see how this explodes in my body/mind later, because all the irritations and things like this always hurts me in a way than is not good. I'm not welcome here anymore, and if I'm, my ethical doesn't let me. I will try to keep fighting, sorry for disturb. 2005: sertraline + clorazepate until summer 2006, I quit very slowly without any problem and feeling even better. 2008 (around, I don't remember) I tried fluoxetine but leave the second day after a extrapidamidal syndrome. 2010: mirtazapine 30 mg + diazepam 10 mg, both everyday 2011: I tried to quit mirtazapine with the help of the psychiatrist, but nothing. I visit other psychiatrist and everyhing fails when escitalopram+mirtazapine and adding orfidal instead of diazepam, then I was 50mg every 12 hours of clorazepate for fix the damage of the new medication and I back to mirtazapine+diazepam. 2014: still with mirtazapine+diazepam, I quit diazepam, but then I back due I was not feeling better as I expected, I did like this: June 30/20mg, July 15/10mg, August 5mg, September just around 6 days 5mg, October 0, November 0, December back to 5/10, January same. 2015: Trying to quit mirtazapine since August, August was alternating few days between 30/22.5/15, September 22.5/15mg, October 15mg, November 15mg, December 15/7.5/0, January 15/7.5/0. My diagnostic before 2010 (all by doctors) was depression and anxiety, in 2010 was diagnostic with depression, anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, pineal cyst and don't remember if something more. Diagnostic since summer 2014 (all by doctors) is the same adding basal anxiety, agorofobia, anhedomia, depersonalization, derealization, hypothymia, asthenia. I will add obsesive compulsive disorder. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7869-adown-help-me-in-my-history/ Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Fresh Posted January 25, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 25, 2015 Dearest Adown, I've been following your thread since you started writing here. Your English is fine. I've had a similar experience to you and I recovered ,so I want to share some thoughts that I hope will help. Lots of the things you describe are common in withdrawal. Irritability , despair , fear , racing thoughts , guilt. For me the guilt was terrible , about big things and also small things. I apologized constantly (to my mother , carer , doctors). I thought I should give my Chihuahua away because she didn't deserve a life like this - I couldn't take her outside , had no interest in her , could hardly stand to pet her. Now , 6 months later , I'm so glad I didn't do that. Any little rituals you can do may help the anxiety , even if it's only for moments. Keep monitoring your blood pressure , sugar etc. It is important to push through the fear , and wash yourself and brush teeth. Things like dental decay, skin sores that won't heal , fungal infections , will only make things worse. Do your very best. Remember , it's not you , it's the condition. Having goals , even small ones , and achieving them , is a good thing. Your family love you and want only for you to be better. They want you to have control over your life again. It's not their fault that they can't possibly understand what you're going through. This condition cannot kill you , even if you feel it will. Please keep in touch , love and blessings , Fresh 1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg 2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months. July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months. Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg. October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive. March 2016 , 21mg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Fresh Posted January 25, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 25, 2015 Another thought . . . if I'm reading it right , you had double diazepam yesterday, 10mg instead of 5mg , and you are feeling worse since then. This doesn't mean you're stupid. Another symptom of this condition is impulsiveness , and in the moment you took the diazepam you believed it would help. When we're highly agitated is not the time to make important decisions which we may regret. This is one reason why it's a good idea to have a set plan and stick to it. xxx Fresh p.s. All your warm and caring qualities have not disappeared , they're just in hiding. You will get your old personality back. Tell yourself this often , even if you don't believe it. ; ) 1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg 2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months. July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months. Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg. October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive. March 2016 , 21mg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted January 26, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 26, 2015 Hi Adown, I just caught up with your thread. I"m sorry you are still not feeling well, but you are doing fine, its just going to take some time before things settle down. Focus on what Rhi said here: Right now you need to take the same dose of the same medications at the same time every day. All of the changing around, taking different doses on different days, stopping meds and starting them again, is what has messed up your brain and body so that you feel the horrible things you are feeling. Take your 5 mg diazepam (only) and your 15 mg of mirtazipine, every day, at the same time. I know what you are feeling is horrible. It will take some time to settle down. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Muddles Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 How are you Adown? 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Fresh Posted April 5, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 5, 2015 Hi Adown , it's been ages. How are you doing lately? 1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg 2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months. July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months. Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg. October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive. March 2016 , 21mg Link to comment
btdt Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Hi Adown I just read your introduction thread. I am sorry these drugs hurt you too. I understand all the feelings and posts I have made the same kind myself in years past. I was wondering how you are doing now if you stayed with the same medications same dose ect I have had bad times too and made cranky posts on wd sites anyone who has been through this process understands how that happens. If you would still like to talk here I know you are welcome. I wish you peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
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