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Zztoppin: Feeling like failure-major update


Zztoppin

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Hi all. I was on 40 mg paxil and 2 mg xanax per day for severe ppd/anxiety. Easily got off xanax after paxil kicked in. I was down to 14 mg Paxil and and occasional Xanax 4 years since initial prescription. I have had some some moderately stressful life events that I catastrophized (per usual) in the past week I was very close to checking myself into the hospital for fear I didn't want to live. Constant panic is unbearable and today my psych upsosed me 30 mg Paxil and 1 mg Xanax per day in panic attacks stop. Feel like a failure but am so eager to get back to my normally very successful life.

Always had anxiety but was not medicated until

November 2009 Severe Post partem depression/Panic attacks/OCD(intrusive thoughts)

gradually increased to 40MG of paxil-2 mg xanax per day until paxil kicked in

January 2010-coninued 40 MG paxil.  .25 xanax once a month a most

January 2011-decreased paxil 10% every 6 weeks or longer

January 2013 12mg-severe crash due to family crisis -updosed to 20mg

March 2013-begin wean again 10% every 6 week-weaned without any issues

Dec 2014-14mg. Severe crash due to a series of unfortunate events

Jan 2015-updose to 30 mg paxil and 1mg Xanax per day until stable

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello Zz, and welcome to the forum.  You need to open an introductory thread in the main forum... http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/3-introductions-and-updates/ That section gets more traffic and this forum is pretty much for benzo issues.

As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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Thanks!

Always had anxiety but was not medicated until

November 2009 Severe Post partem depression/Panic attacks/OCD(intrusive thoughts)

gradually increased to 40MG of paxil-2 mg xanax per day until paxil kicked in

January 2010-coninued 40 MG paxil.  .25 xanax once a month a most

January 2011-decreased paxil 10% every 6 weeks or longer

January 2013 12mg-severe crash due to family crisis -updosed to 20mg

March 2013-begin wean again 10% every 6 week-weaned without any issues

Dec 2014-14mg. Severe crash due to a series of unfortunate events

Jan 2015-updose to 30 mg paxil and 1mg Xanax per day until stable

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Hi all. I was on 40 mg paxil and 2 mg xanax per day for severe ppd/anxiety. Easily got off xanax after paxil kicked in. I was down to 14 mg Paxil and and occasional Xanax maybe .25 a month for 4 years since initial prescription. I have had some some moderately stressful life events that I catastrophized (per usual) in the past week I was very close to checking myself into the hospital for fear I didn't want to live. Constant panic and hopelessness is unbearable and today my psych updosed me 30 mg Paxil and 1 mg Xanax per day in panic attacks stop. Feel like a failure but am so eager to get back to my normally very successful and happy life. 

Always had anxiety but was not medicated until

November 2009 Severe Post partem depression/Panic attacks/OCD(intrusive thoughts)

gradually increased to 40MG of paxil-2 mg xanax per day until paxil kicked in

January 2010-coninued 40 MG paxil.  .25 xanax once a month a most

January 2011-decreased paxil 10% every 6 weeks or longer

January 2013 12mg-severe crash due to family crisis -updosed to 20mg

March 2013-begin wean again 10% every 6 week-weaned without any issues

Dec 2014-14mg. Severe crash due to a series of unfortunate events

Jan 2015-updose to 30 mg paxil and 1mg Xanax per day until stable

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Welcome Zztoppin,

 

I'm sorry you've not been feeling well and have had to increase your Paxil dose. Please don't think of it as a failure, sometimes we have to updose a little in order to re-stabilize.  When you are feeling better again, you can continue to taper.  How were you feeling before the stressful events happened? Have these events resolved themselves now?  How had you been tapering the Paxil?

 

Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature.  Putting a short version of your drug and tapering history in your signature helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts.  Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

 

Once you get back to us with a few more more details, we will be in a better position to offer support and suggestions.

 

Petu.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Zztoppin, welcome to SA. When did you updose paxil? It seems that you probably tapered too fast and started to 

experience withdrawal.  I would be very careful with the xanax as it is highly addictive and you would end up having to

taper slowly from that too.  I think you will probably feel much better when you have stabilised  and then will be able to 

start a slow taper from paxil.  Here are some links for you to read. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/405-tips-for-tapering-off-paxil-paroxetine/

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/603-what-is-withdrawal-syndrome/

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I see Petu posted while I was typing!  :)

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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I didn't wean too quickly at all.  i just couldn't seem to handle anything that threw a wrench in my life.  I updated to 30 mg yesterday. I feel like I don't fit with the group because paxil has made my life so much better.  Im just worried about the poop out one day which is why I wanted to get on the lowest dose possible and maintain. 

Always had anxiety but was not medicated until

November 2009 Severe Post partem depression/Panic attacks/OCD(intrusive thoughts)

gradually increased to 40MG of paxil-2 mg xanax per day until paxil kicked in

January 2010-coninued 40 MG paxil.  .25 xanax once a month a most

January 2011-decreased paxil 10% every 6 weeks or longer

January 2013 12mg-severe crash due to family crisis -updosed to 20mg

March 2013-begin wean again 10% every 6 week-weaned without any issues

Dec 2014-14mg. Severe crash due to a series of unfortunate events

Jan 2015-updose to 30 mg paxil and 1mg Xanax per day until stable

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I was just writing in someone else's thread that our ability to tolerated stress can be greatly demiinished during withdrawal. Dr. Shipko recently wrote that in his clinical experience treating people in withdrawal he has found that crashes into seemingly sudden and sever withdrawal symptoms are often precipitated by a significantly stressful event. It sounds like that may have been the case with you.

 

Do not feel like a failure. Tappering and our bodies and our lives are unpredictable variables and adjustments have to be made and those adjustments are usually not going to be linear. I felt similarly after recently up dosing, but really, what were my options if I wanted to function?

 

You fit in fine. Not everyone has necessarily had a bad experience with their medication. Some people experience benefits but don't want to live with the side effects. Some people simply aren't comfortable being on a medication. Some fear that there will be consequences later on. Some want to do like you: get down to a low does that still holds benefiTs but with less side effects, etc. there is no one size fits all here. Stick around and you'll see! :)

1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg (with a few failed attempts to discontinue)

Fall 2012: Returned to 40mg after horrid withdrawal symptoms 

Fall 2013: 40mg Fluoxetine, added 150mg Wellbutrin to treat fatigue 

Winter 2014: Attempting to taper (too fast)

April 2014: 9mg Fluoxetine + 37.5 Wellbutrin 

Summer 2014: 8 mg Fluoxetine + 0 Wellbutrin

Late summer/Early Fall 2014: Debilitating Withdrawal symptoms 

Oct- Dec 2014: Panicked reinstatement began ->30mg Fluoxetine 

March 2015->Jan 2021: taper to 20mg Fluoxetine 

Jan 2021 20 mg - Began tapering by 1mg every 2-3 months

December 2022: 9mg

My 2014 withdrawal experience: https://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/

 

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  • Member

Zztoppin,

 

I believe you have an error in your signature:

 

Shouldn't the last 2 lines read:

 

   Dec 2014-14mg. Severe crash due to a series of unfortunate events

   Jan  2015-updose to 30 mg paxil and 1mg Xanax per day until stable

 

This definitely makes a difference.

 

You went from 20 mg in March 2013 to 14 mg by Dec 2013, approx 36 weeks. If you dropped every 6 weeks that was 6 drops. At 10 % of the current dose (not a straight 10% of the original each time) you would have been at at around 13 mg and you were at 14 so you were very conservative and followed the suggested reduction carefully. You may experience some symptoms of instability since you went back up quite high in your dose and it will likely take some time for your body to settle down.

 

Not everyone can tolerate the 10% reductions, some have to do micro tapers and extend the time they are on the drugs to maintain quality of life.

 

Please continue to let us know how you are doing with your increase.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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I didn't wean too quickly at all.  i just couldn't seem to handle anything that threw a wrench in my life.  I updated to 30 mg yesterday. I feel like I don't fit with the group because paxil has made my life so much better.  Im just worried about the poop out one day which is why I wanted to get on the lowest dose possible and maintain. 

I'. sorry Zzstoppin, I didn't put that very well. You did taper at a rate that we recommend but had withdrawal which meant that even 10% was too fast for you. Some people have to go very slow and micro taper to 'sneak' the drug away. That can take years but is much better for people who can't tolerate the 10%. I wasn't

criticising you but admit that my post may have looked that way.  I hope that you sare feeling more stable now

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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I see what you are saying! Maybe after I stabilize I will micro wean. Thanks!

Always had anxiety but was not medicated until

November 2009 Severe Post partem depression/Panic attacks/OCD(intrusive thoughts)

gradually increased to 40MG of paxil-2 mg xanax per day until paxil kicked in

January 2010-coninued 40 MG paxil.  .25 xanax once a month a most

January 2011-decreased paxil 10% every 6 weeks or longer

January 2013 12mg-severe crash due to family crisis -updosed to 20mg

March 2013-begin wean again 10% every 6 week-weaned without any issues

Dec 2014-14mg. Severe crash due to a series of unfortunate events

Jan 2015-updose to 30 mg paxil and 1mg Xanax per day until stable

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Hi Zztoppin. I am so sorry to hear this about you feeling like a failure, and I am hurting very badly, too, so this resounds with me. You are not a failure. I just reinstated yesterday with 12.5 mg of Zoloft after 6 miserable weeks off, although the 5.5 month tapering process (from 200mg) was pretty smooth. I, too, HAD to go back on, I could not continue like I was, and am panicking that I will have to go back up higher (even though I had felt fine at 12.5mg) or even to a therapeutic dose of like 150mg or 200mg, or worrying that maybe Zoloft isn't going to work now b/c I was off for 6 weeks and etc. etc. etc. Neuro-emotion catastrophic thinking all over the place here. 

 

Especially interesting to me is that you suffer from OCD with intrusive thoughts--this was the original problem that landed me in the psychiatrist's office in 2006 when I was 24, a problem I've suffered with since 4th grade. It is also what came rearing its ugly head 6 weeks after stopping the Zoloft following a 2-month taper in 2008. Life was unlivable. It's just the worst thing. 

 

The series of unfortunate events you mention--this worries me about life in general off the meds, if I'm ever able to actually stabliize and get off them (which I want to do b/c I am unable to sleep on them). What happens when this sort of thing comes along or any of the major big troubles that everyone goes through in their lives? I'm still no clear what current scientific thinking says is responsible for OCD, depression, and anxiety, though I have been able to gather from this forum that the chemical imbalance theory is out-of-date. Are some of us more predisposed to these problems? In my family, there are a lot of these problems. 

 

I feel for you, ZZ, and please let us know how you're doing on the higher dose. Come over and read my story at http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7905-watchingtv426-withdrawing-from-zoloft-miserably/if you want to chat. 

Started Zoloft 07/06, continued through 07/08 (2-month taper, going downhill 6 weeks after stopping [w/d?]) 

Lexapro started 12/08, Lexapro increased/Buspar and Topamax added in '09, continued through 08/10 (3-month taper, disastrous results after 3 week [w/d?]) 

200 mg Zoloft started around 9/10; been between 150 and 200 mg Zoloft since then, also on Topamax and Deplin, and tried things for sleep like Trazadone (worked for a while), and Ambien, Lunesta, and Mirtazapine (all failed) 

--Started tapering 200mg Zoloft--

6-26-14 (150 mg); 7-14-14 (100 mg); 8-20-14 (50 mg); 10-25-14 (25 mg); 11-18-14 (12.5 mg); 12-2-14 stopped Zoloft 

anxiety started 3 days off, depression 12 days off; both severely intensified at 5 weeks off with a work-related trigger and got progressively worse for 10 days 

Reinstated Zoloft 12.5mg on 1-15-15 (one day at 25mg) after 6 weeks and 2 days off 

Also taking 100mg Topamax and 15mg Deplin 

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