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Martina23

So the lawyer was not very wise. He said that failure of uninformed consent is no failure. That is not true. But he was at least honest. He said he lost 90% of such cases as 90% of doctors stay always on the side of the doctor. Here in Austria there is no Breggin. So he said he wouldn't do that on my place.

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Martina23

I dont know why Healy doesn´t want to help me. I asked him already so many times. I think it wouldnt do him anything bad to write me a short expert statement and for me it would mean a world. He always refused. Why are people like this? They can help but they wouldn´t do. He would help only Goetzsche. So for the famous people he helps for the normal people he will not move a finger. I think he is not a good man. I think he is not interested to help people. He is only interested to help himself. I will do my best if he helps or not. But honestly I dont understand such people.

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powerback
1 hour ago, Martina23 said:

He is only interested to help himself. I will do my best if he helps or not. But honestly I dont understand such people.

Exactly Martina ,don't take it personally. He has he's own life and agenda .most humans do.

I totally commend your battle but I think you should also purge your pain through your painting and express it this way .

I totally understand you but they don't have the ability to feel this torture and what pain  it brings .

 

Healy would probably only put he's weight behind a massive class action law suit .

He just sees trouble

.this has nothing to do with you personally ,please understand the difference.

in the future when I'm well I will find a way to express this pain and agony for me and all my friends and peers that have helped along the way . 

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Martina23

Hi all,

 

I am still so angry about this attorney. In some way I feel guilty for being so one-sided that I speak only about these things and dont give my time to people as pb said but I can not other as that's me. Why have the people to go to attorney if he knows nothing. This man didnt know anything about filing deadline, he started to persuade me that informed consent doesnt exist and I am guilty as I took the medicine even if they lied to me and on the leaflet there is not even that it is addictive. And for this he wants 300 EUR pro hour. I am dashed, is it the word for it?  I heard it first in my fair lady and it fit me here. Hopefully it is not something other than it should be. And also that Healy (I know what pb said) is so bad. Sometimes I a am already so tired from the most people - almost everyone thinks only on himself. Today there was such a beautiful muslim woman in the subway. I must do something that I can paint people outside, in the subways, so real people.

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Carmie

Hi Martina, 

I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. I think it’s best to focus on healing ourselves though, instead of continuing to try and get justice. You have been struggling so much trying to get justice. I think it’s best to find inner peace within ourselves. 

 

How are your symptoms at the moment? Sending hugs your way🤗🤗

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Martina23
1 hour ago, Carmie said:

Hi Martina, 

I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. I think it’s best to focus on healing ourselves though, instead of continuing to try and get justice. You have been struggling so much trying to get justice. I think it’s best to find inner peace within ourselves. 

 

How are your symptoms at the moment? Sending hugs your way🤗🤗

Hello Carmie  I am fine. And you? I was so happy that you wrote me. It is always such a good feeling to get post. My symptoms are mostly now good. Only now and then I still get intrusive thoughts but now I can live with that. The intensity is now much less than on the beggining. But still somethimes these intrusive thoughts can surprise me. My imagination doesn't function at all till now. Maybe therefore I am painting, to get access to my imagination. I guess I am somewhat bitter. When  these authorities dismissed my complaint without even seeing it, I thought I will faint at that moment. I can not take it at all. I can not just let go of such injustice. I would like to try but if we dont get justice what can we believe on on this world? I want to let go of it but I can  not all my deep principles of justice and democracy are against. 

 

But I hope you are well. Are you still making art? I sold my first painting, I didnt tell you. But I know there are better painters like me.

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Carmie

I’m so glad you’re doing fine Martina, 

 

It’s always good to hear when people are doing well. So, are intrusive thoughts your only symptom now?

 

How wonderful that you’re painting now. Art is amazing isn’t it? I love creating things. Keep it up! That’s great you sold a painting, you must have been over the moon. I only create arts and crafts for fun, and to give as presents. I’m no expert, but I love doing creative things. It’s a great distraction through withdrawals too. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

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ChessieCat
15 hours ago, Carmie said:

I think it’s best to focus on healing ourselves though, instead of continuing to try and get justice. You have been struggling so much trying to get justice. I think it’s best to find inner peace within ourselves.  

 

Hi Martina,

 

I agree with what Carmie wrote.

 

There comes a time when we have to acknowledge that we have done all that we can do. 

 

From the Alcoholics Anonymous Serenity Prayer:

 

accept the things I cannot change

the courage to change the things I can

the wisdom to know the difference

 

Trying to fight a losing battle is only going to continue adding stress.  There comes a time when we have to realise that we have done the best we can and we can do no more.  And even when we stop trying to fight, the next step is to not let it keep eating away at us.  That only causes us to become bitter.

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Martina23

I quit my job. I couldnt continue anymore. As I saw how my complaints by the Austrian authorities were dismissed (complaints about Pfizer and doctors), I couldnt imagine to continue working in a state which betrayed me. Why should I work on prosperity of the state who didnt care for me and my prosperity and even dismissed my fair claim with no knowledge, with no effort? I couldn´t anymore. Austria is not a democratic state and I dont want to live and work for a non-democratic state. So I quit. I couldnt other.

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Martina23

I was so afraid these last days. This lawyer I had one meeting with him started to send me letters with everything possible even if I didnt ask for any service. All lawyers here have a fee of 300 EUR +VAT. It was also everything wrong what he wrote. I had to write him 5 times that I will not pay it as I didnt order any service. I guess he understood because today he confirmed me that he got my emails.  I hope that I dont get a big invoice. I put also advertisement to the public advertising portal that "I look for the cheapest lawyer in the whole Vienna". I am curious if someone writes me.

 

I feel quite well. My mental symptoms are quite good. I promised my children that from my first check for my first painting we will buy lego for them. The check was for 260 Dollars and I promised that everyone of them has half of the amount. I am looking forward when they buy something nice.

 

I like people on surviving antidepressants, I am happy that I have you. I hope everyone is well.

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Martina23

Today I feel so lonely. Everything is so bad. Somethimes you find out that your friends are not really friends. I asked the family who I thought that are my friends (who have millions) if they could not give me 10.000 Eur so that I can sue these doctors at the court (they caused me brain damage). They said they wouldnt do it, the man part even said that there would be no contra service. It is such a little amount if they have so much money and that they would not give you even if it is for valuable cause. I am very sad about. Actually I realize that I have no friends at all - I can not remember at last time anyone who would mean it good with me. It is sad. I will survive but every human being would wish that he/she has some people to rely on.

The positive is that in such a case I can move and I wouldnt feel pain leaving Austria. The most important thing is that we love each other with children and that I can paint.

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ChessieCat
9 minutes ago, Martina23 said:

10.000 Eur

 

That's the equivalent of nearly $15,000 Australian dollars.  That's nearly the same amount as I receive in unemployment benefits in 1 year.

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ChessieCat

There comes a time that you need to accept that you have done the best that you can.  If you don't do that, you will probably become a very bitter and miserable person.  It's time to let go and get on with your life the best you can.

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ChessieCat

Even if you did have the money to go to court, it doesn't mean that you would win.

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Martina23
3 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Even if you did have the money to go to court, it doesn't mean that you would win.

Chessie, I know it sounds weird, but I am not yet prepared to give up. Even if I dont go to the court (which is still not lost), I would try to get these clinical studies and once to win on that side.  I will never give up. Maybe I am a bit bitter (that is right) but I think for everyone the fight against pharma is not easy and I would be more bitter if I did nothing. That is ok. I do what I can and if I cant do anything anymore, I will give up, but I think there is always some way.

 

Actually, you are right, that is somewhat what the people get for unemployment benefits, ha, ha.You make surely better use of your money than me 🙂 My children would agree with you. They would say it is better to buy from them lego...

 

Actually I think it is right to try then to not try. I dont think it is right to give everything immediately up, if all the people did this, there would be no progress. There are also people who are dying for freedom. Why is it bad? I think the moving force of progress are the people who try. For example in the time when black people had no right, sure there were even many that died for fighting for their rights. And it needed so much time till something changed. The same for the feminists. And I think everyone who does something counts and one day the wall will be fallen down and the problem will be acknowledged. I dont think to give up is right option. To give up we can when we win. And if I dont move anything, already with the trying I am showing my opinion to the world. So it is not lost. Breggin could also stop by the first attack from pharma. It would be wrong. With all the obstacles we get to know ourselselves, we are formed and we grow and we solve the problem , if here or somewhere else.

 

 

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Martina23

Actually now I had such a weird situation. One of my chefs came to our office and complained she would be soon 50. And I started to laugh and told her that I read yesterday in the tabloid newspaper about one writer who said he can not imagine to be together with a woman after 50, that they have such comical bodies (these were his words). But she took it with humour. I told her then that in ten years I am also fifty so she took it ok. She said only with laughing that she wouldnt visit our room anymore.

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Martina23

Now I wanted to remember something nice - my children. I wanted to imagine my daughter Emily how I am giving her a kiss. It is still not possible. I feel love to her but my brain chemistry is still so destroyed from this Lyrica that I can not imagine any nice thing. There come always such distorted bad images in my imagination which have nothing to do with what I want actually to imagine. I know I love my daughter very much, I am a peaceful loving person and if I see such stupid images which have nothing with my love to Emily, then I feel I will stay like this forever. I feel these doctors which gave me this poisonous sh.. should be closed for their life in the prison. I so much want to be like I was and I am afraid I will never have my good brain back. These receptors are forever destroyed.

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Martina23

What should I say to myself when these bad pictures come?

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Martina23

I am afraid. I again got letter from this attorney. I told him already 5 times I dont want from him anything. I told I dont wish to get letters from him. I am scared. Again letter in the post box. I called the police but they said "this is not a crime if he wants to help you". But I told him already five times that I dont wish to get and pay his letters as I did not order any service. They have 300 Eur fees. For police nothing is a crime just that they dont have to work. I think I can always answer him "I dont wish any service and I will not pay for it". I hope they can not make pay for something I didnt order but it makes me somewhat scared.

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Martina23

But in the work they were quite nice. They asked me to stay and to change my mind. They would give me even more salary. They said that they would be prepared to negotiate also my working time , so that I can work only some days a week (so that I can paint more). They meant that it would be pity if I went away from Austria just because the authorities dont take my complaint against doctors + pharma seriously. They said I should take it like this that it is never bad the whole nation but that some people which are by authorities many dont work. It was nice.

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Altostrata
On 1/16/2019 at 7:18 AM, Martina23 said:

I feel quite well. My mental symptoms are quite good. I promised my children that from my first check for my first painting we will buy lego for them. The check was for 260 Dollars and I promised that everyone of them has half of the amount. I am looking forward when they buy something nice.

 

Very good to hear you're feeling well.

 

10 hours ago, Martina23 said:

Now I wanted to remember something nice - my children. I wanted to imagine my daughter Emily how I am giving her a kiss. It is still not possible. I feel love to her but my brain chemistry is still so destroyed from this Lyrica that I can not imagine any nice thing. There come always such distorted bad images in my imagination which have nothing to do with what I want actually to imagine. I know I love my daughter very much, I am a peaceful loving person and if I see such stupid images which have nothing with my love to Emily, then I feel I will stay like this forever. I feel these doctors which gave me this poisonous sh.. should be closed for their life in the prison. I so much want to be like I was and I am afraid I will never have my good brain back. These receptors are forever destroyed.

 

9 hours ago, Martina23 said:

What should I say to myself when these bad pictures come?

 

Martina, some skills to manage your thoughts would help you a lot. Please read these topics

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Health anxiety, hypochondria, and obsession with symptoms

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals


Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

Can you see a therapist who will coach you in Cognitive Behavior Therapy?

 

2 hours ago, Martina23 said:

But in the work they were quite nice. They asked me to stay and to change my mind. They would give me even more salary. They said that they would be prepared to negotiate also my working time , so that I can work only some days a week (so that I can paint more). They meant that it would be pity if I went away from Austria just because the authorities dont take my complaint against doctors + pharma seriously. They said I should take it like this that it is never bad the whole nation but that some people which are by authorities many dont work. It was nice.

 

Martina, the people at work like you and value you. That is important. I would stay at that job, with more money!!

 

Very few people anywhere in the world manage to sue drug companies or doctors for drug damage. Your failure does not mean your government is against you. They pay no attention to anyone about drug damage.

 

You need to move on from this and let go of your anger about it. Your focus on this is hurting you. You cannot accomplish the impossible.

 

Please consider going back to work at that good place. A good job is hard to find.

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Altostrata

Because you're feeling better, I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol ☼ to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

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Martina23
13 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Because you're feeling better, I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol ☼ to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

Thank you Altostrata. I am so happy that I found this forum. On the beginning, I was so sure it came from the drugs but if it not were for this forum maybe I would let me talk from the doctors into that that it was my recurring illness. I thank you and also Dave that I was able to get better. He helped me very much in the hospital. I was so scared at that time.

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Martina23

Today I was painting the whole day. I am painting winter country with falling snow. I was born in winter the snowy winter country reminds me on home, when there is so much snow falling. I love the winter atmosphere. I was today somewhat sad. There are still so many things I didnt process or understand by now. So today was somewhat sad to me. But I realize when I can paint all the pain goes away and I am thankful for the beauty which stays on the canvas. That is the real purpose. Today I was reading citation of the book of Paulo Coelho Alchymist. I love that book. It is my favourite book. I will buy a new edition, this is the book which always give me power to keep going. It is wonderful.

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Martina23

This is what I painted through Saturday and Sunday, it is still a draft. One tree branch is still missing there (I felt already cold outside). It will be painted mostly in white. Also the sky will be light blue - almost white and through it almost full of snow flakes.

It is kind of romantic winter country. One window will be dark yellow- orange. It reminds me on windows in the evening, always lit, reminds me of home, warmth, care. When I was young, I always looked for such home. And the rest will be somewhat rough, tender, snowy winter country.

 

a2bf6502237e500d7b14e63e523b2482.jpg

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FarmGirlWorks

Thank you for sharing this @Martina23... I love your color plan.

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Martina23

I am so tired. I asked here in hotel if I can have an exhibition of my paintings there. So far I didnt get the answer. Yesterday I submitted also my tax return to get some money back. I am so very tired. Yesterday Benny my son was vomitting the whole night. I couldnt sleep. I had to tidy up it after him the whole night. I am so tired. Today I have a birthday. I had to bring birthday cake to the work because the people here are very much on celebrating birthdays. 

 

I again gained weight. I dont know what to do anymore. I think it is from sitting. I ate the whole last week only salad to lunch but I only made a little exception to the diet and the weight went again up. I have to do something with me. I have to start to be consequent. I dont want to be fat. From today on I am again starting to eat less.

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Martina23

I hope everyone is ok.

I have a little bad time in my life.  I see so bad today. I had to change contact lenses and since then I dont see that well which is not so good for painting. I have all in all 7 dioptrines (which is quite a lot) and if they dont do precisely fitting contact lense then both eyes dont work together and I dont see in space. So it's weird. 

 

This week was very busy for me. Today I went my children to sign up in the school and the director wanted to examine them and my daughter started to vomit there  (they have both some stomach virus). It was quite awkward.

 

It's so lonely here. I am lazy to start working now. I guess I will have a hot bath. It is so cold here.

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Martina23

I find it always very nice when I see somewhere people who are in love.  I envy them somewhat. I wish I could have that too at the moment.

 

To write with someone for hours, to fall asleep in someones arms, to make someone happiest of all... I hope I would  also have it one day.

I wish it most of all.

 

I saw the diagnose of AD withdrawal syndrome in DSM. In the part commorbidity it was immediately made lower as symptoms which came back after discontinuing AD. I am so  tired already of this lying of all so called proffesionals.

 

 

 

 

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Martina23

I made the draft today finished. So through the week I will finish my other painting (also only draft) -woman body also with the pencil. I love pencils. It's my most favourite material. Voila...

 

7e27fc6d7403598d21eb2e264c81f33b.jpg

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Martina23

I realize I am so happy that I decided to quit my job (I have to be there still for 2 months, bleeh).

I read a story about Vincent van Gogh and there was that he sold only one painting during his whole life time and I just know I will follow the way of a painter. If we have no money, I can always do some jobs, like by railway or I dont know. At once I feel so happy, with the decision comes the real way.

 

You know, when I was 14, my father took me to some painter and he said I have no talent, it was such an old grandpa. We spoke with my sister yesterday and she said if I feel it I should do what is in my heart and f*.. on some old stupid man who wanted to look important.  My sister said my painting is good.

 

There is in the book of Paulo Coelho a sentence "where your heart is there you will find your treasure". I know where are my treasures. And I am happy that I found out now and not in 100 years.

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powerback

Best of luck martina ,I see by your picture youve definitely got patience and eye for detail.

Im far from cable to judge anything .

Youve alot of passion .this is good ,meds never ruined this for you.

Take Care.

 

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Martina23
3 hours ago, powerback said:

Best of luck martina ,I see by your picture youve definitely got patience and eye for detail.

Im far from cable to judge anything .

Youve alot of passion .this is good ,meds never ruined this for you.

Take Care.

 

Thank you pb, hope that you are feeling already better :-)

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apace41

Hi, Martina,

 

First off --

 

So happy for you that you decided to take this step and get out of a job that was making you miserable and pursue your passion.  You have a lot of talent and it is clear you know that in your heart where it matters!

 

I believe this will be a major aid in your healing.

 

On Dave's thread you wrote the following and I wanted to move the discussion to your thread:

 

1 hour ago, Martina23 said:

 

I had yesterday such a bad day. You know I tried to get Dr. Healy to confirm me my withdrawal to be able to sue. And yesterday I read on his blog how he wrote about Jan Palach (this is a man from Czechoslovakia who burned himself out of protest when our country wanted to get rid of communism in 1968 and the communistic government asked the armies of all other communistic countries to invade our country and suppress the revolt) and this man burnt himself out of protest against it. He is quite a hero the same like our first president Vaclav Havel who was for a long time dissident against communism for human rights). And the Healy wrote there how we all should open our eyes and fight against these psych drugs (and not close our eyes and passively accept injustice) and he cited there Vaclav Havel ... And I wrote him that I would like to fight, I want to open my eyes but for this I need his expert statement. And if he wants to help the society he has to help where it is needed and not only to some people. I didnt mean it a critic I meant it as a fact. That if he wants the people to fight and he is there only one who confirms withdrawal he must help, in other case he cant say we should open our eyes and fight. And he started to shout with me in his email that I should "get lost", something like f*** off (I found it in the dictionary 🙂.

 

 

He said when I am so famous like him than I can tell him  my opinion. But I think nobody is better than the other. Every person is important not only politicians or people who have a lot of money. I deleted his email and let it be. But it hurt me somewhat if the people just try to put all your efforts down. Every person is important.

 

 

Wow!  The Emperor really does have no clothes!  Healy is such an advocate for the masses but when it gets down to a one-on-one discussion he treats someone who is suffering like that?!  He should be ashamed of himself.  Even if he can't help, there are only about a million ways to say it better than the way he treated you.  I am truly sorry for what he did.

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

Edited by ChessieCat
added proper quote

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Martina23
1 hour ago, apace41 said:

Hi, Martina,

 

First off --

 

So happy for you that you decided to take this step and get out of a job that was making you miserable and pursue your passion.  You have a lot of talent and it is clear you know that in your heart where it matters!

 

I believe this will be a major aid in your healing.

 

On Dave's thread you wrote the following and I wanted to move the discussion to your thread:

 

 

Wow!  The Emperor really does have no clothes!  Healy is such an advocate for the masses but when it gets down to a one-on-one discussion he treats someone who is suffering like that?!  He should be ashamed of himself.  Even if he can't help, there are only about a million ways to say it better than the way he treated you.  I am truly sorry for what he did.

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

Thank you Andy, it was so nice that you wrote me. I was very sad yesterday when he said it. I felt like a mob, like something lower than him who has no right to check the clinical studies because I am not so good like him. But I really think that I can do in getting the clinical studies for Lyrica and checking them my best and and I should forget the people who think that they are here only for higher classes.

 

He can not even mean he has greater value than me, because this can be compared only by God or something above us, so to assume authomatically he has greater value is not right.

 

Thank you that you told me to quit if I am not working what I want to do - I guess I really needed someone who kicks me to change. We have only one life.

 

Andy, I think that you and other moderators here who save lives of the people in the worst situations and risk also their reputation are much more important than Healy because courage is to help normal people not write only nice articles where there is no risk.

 

There was a sentence in Paulo Coelho´s book Alchymist:

"Every blessing if not used will become a curse" - He had a unique chance to help the people, he didnt use it - so he is at loss himself. Hi, hi - I know I have a big self confidence 🙂

 

But anyhow, thank you, I really needed to be soothed today a bit - this word which he used was so bad, I got almost scared.

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Altostrata

Martina, I must speak bluntly.

 

If you have asked Dr. Healy for his expert statement and he refused before, you must review his reasons. As I've told you, regarding adverse effects, very few of these legal actions against drug makers or governments get anywhere. Your own personal case may not be as powerfully convincing as you think it is.

 

Dr. Healy may have looked over your facts and decided it was not worth his time to conduct an examination, compose an expert statement, and travel to a foreign country to testify at a trial. Is this what he replied when you wrote him initially?

 

That is not an unfounded dismissal of your issues or your request. It is simply because he is very busy and has to make decisions about the best uses of his time, which might be quite expensive for an expert opinion.

 

If that is what happened, your subsequent communications may have been viewed by him as pestering.

 

It would be much better for you and the rest of the world for you to turn your anger and energy into a more general campaign, such as to educate doctors about adverse effects of psychiatric drugs or how to taper people properly -- not so much relying on making a legal case of your own problems. Do you understand the difference?

 

I understand that you are driven to seek justice, but your method is aggravating your sense of grievance. Not everyone is against you, they just don't want to march on your particular path. You can find groups to join that are working on reforming medicine's knowledge of the drugs. This might bring you more satisfaction.

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