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Martina23

☼ Martina23: Lyrica

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Pugknows

If the psychiatrist said there's no such thing as WD from Lyrica, you know she's clueless. Don't get confused by her ignorance.

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Martina23

I decided that even if I die, I will NOT updose the Lyrica in my life. Let´s see where it brings me. Till now sometimes I really think about if I am not going mad. But nevertheless life is a risk and we are made of choices which we did during the life, and I made this choice and let´s see what it brings me. For now, there are still these psychotic pictures in my head (I do not if anyone knows the painter Edward Monch, like the persons from his paintings, there is also such a painting "Scream" and there is such a scary person, and such persons come always to my mind and make me afraid) , but still I know that they are not reality. This everything is so sad. I send warm greeting and hugs to everybody who is suffering the same way even if I dont know how it continues and it it go well.

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Martina23

Today again confused. I read Lisaslove thread where he had these homicidal thoughts and bad pictures in head that he  had to take medicine as it was psychosis. I have also bad pictures in head but I took it that it comes from Lyrica and thus it goes away and dont take any medicine. When I dont take any additional medicine, can I get schizophrenia from that?

 

Sorry to ask so stupidly but I got anxious.

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ten0275

Martina, hi.

 

Your question isn't stupid. You won't get schizophrenia in the way you suggest. And I do not believe you are psychotic. Psychosis is fairly easy to spot. Rational thinking dissolves in psychosis and that which is abnormal seems normal. Here is an example a trusted psychiatrist once told me. There was a patient who was picked up by police for walking down the middle of the street wearing a floatation device - a life-vest - you know, the kind one might wear in a boat. When questioned by the police, the man was certain the vest was needed because if he didn't wear it, the sky had told him it would rain and drown him. There was no irony in this. The man truly believed that the sky had not only spoken to him, but gave him an instruction to follow lest he be punished. He thoroughly believed the delusion.

 

This is not you. You have a scary thought or image in your head and you immediately know "wait, this is a completely irrational thought." You are able to see this clearly - you draw a clear distinction. You know normal from abnormal.

 

I hope this makes sense.

 

Research as you need, but try not to trigger yourself by reading frightening things that belong to others. Each of our paths are unique. I believe with high confidence that you are suffering intrusive thoughts and impulses due to pharmaceutical withdrawal. Just he way I did. And as they did for me, I believe they will dissipate for you as well as you heal.

 

Hang in there.

 

Dave

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Martina23

Thank you Dave,  I am so happy that you are here, you dont know how much it all means for me. You are great.

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LoveandLight

I also decided, I will never take a psych drug again, even if it kills me. We will get through this and be stronger than before x

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Martina23

Thanks Joannad. Let´s be then fighters!

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Martina23

Yesterday I already thought that it started to turn and today it is even worse than before. The only thing that went away is morning terror, but everything other is still there and actually more than before. That is such a pity because today I am going to see my children and I  am afraid to be with them when I am not fit. God help us all, this how these doctors are destroying everything living on this planet is so unacceptableble, and unfortunately noone makes them responsible for this.

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Hopefull

Hi Martina,

 

Hang in there you will get better in time. Cheers, Hopefull.

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Martina23

Hopefull, how is your PGAD? Is it already better? Did it dissapear? By me it never went away completely, it just does not bother me anymore. It was like a broken leg, which is healed by the body, and it is healed, it doesnot hurt anymore but you know that there was a broken leg, it feels just a bit other than before, but it is not annoying anymore. Have a nice weekend.

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Hopefull

Hi Martina,

I don't have the PGAD symptoms . I do still worry that it will come back everytime I cut down on mitrazapine. You will get through this.Even though you might feel hopeless right now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Keep saying this to your self everytime you start to feel so low. I wish you all the best. Hopefull.

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Martina23

I am still keeping the same dosage. I feel also a bit progress, as if very slowly the depression starts to lift itself. Maybe it is only my feeling as I used to feel horrible in the morning and now I feel quite ok in the morning and I start to look  forward to a day. So it is not anymore " the same sh..., a new day". But there are still things which did not improve any slight bit, for example my withdrawal OCD, my withdrawal anxiety. I think this GABA really does not upregulate at all. These two last days I even got a new horrible symptom, I got an urge to cut on myself, not like to kill myself, but like these people which cut their wrist or leg, and then they feel better. Horrible! I can not describe this whole tragedy with the words.

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Martina23

I am still so afraid I would act on these intrusive thoughts, I was today on the dinner with the colleague and there came this urge to hit her, I did not react on this, but it was quite strong. I am so afraid that once I might forget these things and react on this. I hate this Lyrica and all the doctors too!

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LoveandLight

It is a tragedy, isn't it!

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Martina23

Joannad, by you is it already better?

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ten0275

 

I am still so afraid I would act on these intrusive thoughts, I was today on the dinner with the colleague and there came this urge to hit her, I did not react on this, but it was quite strong. I am so afraid that once I might forget these things and react on this.

 

martina, hey.

 

you never ever will. you never will act upon these things. it is not in your nature. you would have been slapping people all over the place for years if those intrusive thoughts were actually representitive of you. i had those same urges, those same impulses. strong too. violent and dark. it felt like my body was being pushed towards the action. but i never acted aggressively. at all. i was too horrified of the thoughts. so please see, you also will never forget and act upon the urges - because you are so intensely frightened of them as well. you are going to be fine. and it will dissipate as time moves on.

 

i wish i could break off 6 months of my recovery and give you a piece of it. i often wish this with people on this site. like if it worked that way, i'd break you off a little of my own healing to add to yours - so you'd be further along. i'd easily take a 6 month set-back to put you in a position of understanding that this will all end, just as a bad dream inevitably does. i would have never offered a piece of my healing back when i was where you are at. in the early days, that would be unthinkable. so this also shows you how healing happens. i was not so bad 6 months ago, so i'd go back if it meant others like yourself could go forward.

 

you will heal in time. you are being vigilant, you are taking care of your body. just go slow and easy with your taper. eat and drink as cleanly as possible. healing is happening all along. trust the process. it is easier to say this from where i am now. when i was in the worst of it, i could not, and would not, believe i would ever see any relief. but i was wrong. you have reason to feel much hope.

 

thrive today. take a deep breath, and try to smile - even if you have to fake it. you can be 10,000 suns burning bright even if the waves of emotion churn dark inside you. even if the thoughts are gruesome and menacing - you are not one with them.

 

they are but mental fireworks that will burn themselves out, as you heal and heal and heal...

 

hang in there.

 

dave

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Martina23

Dave, that is so nice that you wrote me. Actually everything what you are doing is nice.

 

But I dont know, if I can help myself or if there is help for me. I would really so much like to believe that this OCD once goes away. At the moment I dont believe it. Today when I came home, there was again this feeling /afraidness I might hurt my children. There is so much negative energy in my head, if for the moment or forever. I would rather jump from the window because then I know that the children are safe. I can not see that this ends  in a good way for me. Please, anyone, I dont need suicidal line for me. I was always a free person and I think that the people should choose their own death also freely. But I am not going to do suicide today, therefore the suicidal line is of no help for me.

 

But, Dave, it is really very nice that you managed your way and it shows that you are a very strong personality and I hope that also these last cuts would go without problems for you.

 

Martina

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Hopefull

Hi Martina,

Are you seeing a psychologist that can help you with OCD? I think Dave is giving you wonderful advice. You will heal and get better. But it is also important that you see a specialist , (OCD), psychologist that can help you to get through the rough patch. Give your self a chance to heal.

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Martina23

No, I am not seeing anybody. Sadly, I am thinking about if I should not take all the medicaments they give me, at least I will be fully poisened not only a part

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Martina23

And I dont know here in Austria any psychiatrist or psychologist who believes on withdrawal, so that is it

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ten0275

martina, hey.

 

 

I would really so much like to believe that this OCD once goes away. At the moment I dont believe it.

 

i didn't believe it either. but i was wrong. i always thought the ideas to hurt my children, co-workers, total strangers would be present with me forever. i thought i was damaged eternally. it ends.

 

 

Hopefull said: But it is also important that you see a specialist , (OCD), psychologist that can help you to get through the rough patch. Give your self a chance to heal.

 

hopefull has a really good point here. really good. i sought non-medicinal therapy for the OCD-like symptoms. although the intrusive thoughts come as a result of a drug-induced imbalance, therapy with an understanding psychologist can help. did i ever tell you that i used to draw out my most horrid visions on paper? my therapist had me draw pictures of my most horrid intrusive thoughts. the idea was, if i put the thoughts on paper, i was getting them out of my head. and then once out of my head, i could destroy them by ripping up the paper, burning it, burying it, etc. it didn't make them go away, but it was a release. i mean i drew pictures of me holding knives menacingly, driving cars off cliffs, all sorts of morbid stuff. and though it was decidedly not funny, i sometimes found myself laughing because i am such a terrible artist, my caricatures looked zany and weird. consider seeking a psychologist. but interview them as you would interview an employee if you were a supervisor. find one that you can work with. don't settle for their standards, set your own. know the treatment you want and find a psychologist that will offer it. it takes legwork to do that. and i know that is hard to come by now.

 

martina, based on what you have written - i would without question trust you to pass me a knife at the dinner table.

 

hang in there.

 

dave

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Martina23

Dave, it is so good you had it also. Than I dont feel so alone with these "symptoms".

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ten0275

martina, hello.

 

you are most certainly not alone.

 

 

I dont feel so alone with these "symptoms".

 

and i am so proud of you for the above quote. do you know why i am proud of you for writing that? because the thoughts are happening to you here-and-now and it does not feel natural to call them symptoms at this time. but you are forcing that idea into your head. by writing that they are symptoms, labeling them as what they truly are, you are challenging them. and that is how we get through this. by challenging the thoughts, labeling them for what they are, and getting through to tomorrow - which is one step closer to the finish line. someday you'll be telling someone else all of these same truths. when you have healed, you'll be doing this for someone else. assuring them that they are symptoms.

 

 

But, Dave, it is really very nice that you managed your way and it shows that you are a very strong personality

 

you wrote the above quote a few dispatches ago. can i tell you a little secret? i'm not all that strong. in fact, when i was where you are at in your withdrawal, i was you - absolutely you. i was horrified by the thoughts. i hospitalized myself. i questioned whether it was truly a symptom. i didn't want to be around my kids because of the impulses it generated. etc. etc. etc. watching you is watching myself three years ago. and check this out - you have the same, if not more, strength and potential to heal as i did. i can absolutely tell you do. you have the strength and resolve not to give up here.

 

and you'll get there. keep up that positive attitude! "SYMPTOMS."

 

hang in there.

 

dave

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Pugknows

Martina, have you read any success stories coming off gabapentin or Lyrica? I've only found one on the internet. 4 years of hell.

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Wildflower0214

Skyler is coming off Lyrica. But she's tapering. So I don't know if that would be of any help. :(

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Martina23

No, I did not find any, and after these four years hell was she like before?

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Martina23

But, imagine 4 years, who would endure four years of that. I found one which came down from gabapentin and she said it took 4 months.

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Hopefull

Martina, I think that you would greatly benefit with help from a therapist. A good therapist will help you regadless whether they beleive in discontinuation syndrome or not. Seeing someone that you can talk to on regular basis would be beneficial. You know these thoughts are not who you are and the thoughts will go away. Please don't pay attention to negative stories, we are all different. It does not mean that you will be four years in hell. All the best, Hopefull.

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LoveandLight

Yes let's not look at negative stories Martina I've been doing the same looking up stories and comparing myself and thinking I will be just like that...

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Martina23

Hopefull, you are so good to me, thank you. Loveandlight, you have very nice profile picture, is it called avatar? I am not native speaker. I think I will go also to the forest with my children. I love picking mushrooms, it is one of my big passions. It makes the brain so concentrate on one aim, and everything beside will become so unimportant and it is also very practical, because you can make a dinner from mushrooms. I like much more such practical sports like this than to go to a gym and lift heavy weights. I rather pick mushrooms or fruits, strawberries and make a cake or pudding.

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LoveandLight

Yes..it's an avatar.

 

If cake making is a sport - it's the best sport I've heard of ;)

 

Sounds lovely..used to love picking mushrooms and cooking with them :)

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JanCarol

G'day Martina! 

 

I'm stunned that I am the first Mod to look in on you, and sorry.  There are not enough mods to go round, unless we all made 12 hours days on SA!

 

I am sorry for your horrible experience - Symptoms (thanks for that, Ten!)

 

I have had flashes of the visions and impulses you think of.  I will not get graphic with them, and I would encourage you to not be graphic, too, as it may give other sufferers new thoughts that they don't need.

 

I have seen your posts around SA, and you are a compassionate, gentle, kind, caring person.  Believe that.  You have an inner light shining in you that no stupid drug can take away.

 

First, a question:  is your suffering less now than it was in November?

 

If it is, then continue as you are going.  I would wait until your body and brain are more still before tapering.

 

IF you are still suffering, and suffering is the same as it was 4 months ago, then you might consider a tiny updose.  Can you get 25 mg tablets?  I would not add more than 1/4 of a 25 mg tablet.  The best answer would be solution, and only add 5 mg.

 

You can make your own liquid, here is what AltoStrata found:

 

 

Make your own Lyrica solution
You can mix Lyrica in lukewarm water to make your own suspension.

1) Use any small clean transparent jar with a water-tight top or an empty medicine container to make the solution. 

2) Carefully open the Lyrica capsule and pour the contents into the bottom of the container. 

To open a capsule, grasp each end in your fingers and gently twist. The capsule should come apart in the middle. Do this over the open container, to catch the powder. 

2) Use an oral syringe to measure lukewarm water and convey it to the container. A 10mL (10cc) oral syringe is handy for this purpose. 

If you wish to make 30mL of a solution, fill the 10mL syringe 3 times with water and inject it into your container.

3) To mix, put the cap on the container, tightly, and shake it gently. You will be able to see the particles swirling around in the water.

4) Use an oral syringe to take the dosage you wish.

5) Your homemade Lyrica solution will keep for 5 days, refrigerated. Keep it refrigerated, like any food, to keep it from getting mold in it.

The only tricky thing about making a Lyrica solution is creating and remembering the concentration.

For example, let's say you are tapering from 100mg Lyrica to 90mg. For 5 days, you will want roughly 450mg. You can empty 5 100mg capsules to make your solution, but you want to use a container smaller than 500mL.

You can mix 500mg Lyrica in 250mL water, making a 2:1 solution, each 1mL containing 2mg Lyrica. 

If you do this, put a note on your container giving the recipe ("500mg Lyrica in 250mL water") and dosage instructions to yourself: "Take 45mL for 90mg Lyrica." 

 

Lyrica is not an antidepressant, as your psychiatrist pointed out.  It is a seizure medicine used for pain, anxiety, and "mood stabilizers" and off-label for "boosting" anti-depressants as well as treating muscular problems caused by antipsychotics.  Read more here:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2381-tips-for-tapering-off-lyrica-pregabalin/

 

You are sane, you are gentle, you are rational.  You have symptoms from a difficult drug.

 

To ease your symptoms, you have been fighting, fighting.  To help your fight, can you get fish oil?  Omega-3 fish oil

And even better:  magnesium?  Magnesium

 

These two supplements seem to help most people.  The magnesium is an essential element for the firing (and healing) of your neurotransmitters.  The fish oil helps lubricate the system, feeds the brain, very nourishing.

 

I don't mean to overload you, but I think you will be most helped by:

Neuro-emotion   this is a topic which explains what it is like when your feelings and thoughts are not your own, but induced by withdrawal.

 

and

 

Here is a little meditation to help you live through your symptoms, even if it is 15 minutes at a time!

symptom acceptance, breathing

 

There is more, there is always more.  I'm really happy that you have found us, and that you are settling into the community and using your restlessness to help other people.  That is a really good sign.

 

Now - it is 3 am here in Australia!  I must quit for the night!

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JanCarol

Hi Martina Ive been thinking about you. Alto did respond to your thread awhile ago suggesting full reinstatement. As that was months ago now, Im suggesting a smaller increase as you still suffer. Try the fish oil & magnesium first to see if you get any relief before considering an increase.

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Skylarblue75

Checking to see how your doing

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Martina23

Not so good, but today I survived.

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