AliG Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Happy New Year, Martina. On 1/1/2018 at 9:27 AM, Martina23 said: Healing to everyone in the New Year! We should be happy, wealthy, healthy, be together with our love, see new countries and enjoy a lot people, new friendships and the people who support us. I couldn't say it any better than that. I hope this year brings health, happiness and healing your way. xx Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 I am totally on my nerves. My children are so bad that it is unbelievable. Always quarelling, crying or destroying everything. If it goes like this, I will surely get some cancer. They will suck my life from my veins (I think it was not the right english word for this, but I guess everyone knows what I mean). If I could I would send them for at least two years to their father. Why must I always get such a burden? I envy all the people who dont have any children. They can do so much in their life. If I could, I would run away. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 I spoke today to my mother and she again started to put me down. But this time I told myself I will not let myself be put down and told her that she never supported me my whole life and I had the courage to tell her that I will keep our discussions to minimum as she is a trigger for me, that I wish her a nice life but dont need to speak too much to people who put me down. Afterwards I felt so good, as I fought and didnt let myself be humiliated. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 7, 2018 Author Share Posted January 7, 2018 Today and yesterday was awful for me. I was already so nervous from my children (sometimes when they again cried and hit each other I started even to shiver from frustration), I guess it is because they were at home the whole Christmas and from tomorrow they go to the nursery. They were quarelling the whole Christmas, crying, hitting each other. I was really already on the end of my strenght. I managed to make a draft of one new painting, so I did something, I actually like the painting, I only have to take care that the children dont destroy it. But it helps me a lot. It helps me to forget the whole torture of the intrusive thoughts. It is my therapy. Tomorrow I have so many errands, I will come home first in the evening. I hope everyone is well. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 8, 2018 Author Share Posted January 8, 2018 I dont know, I am today so nervous, I dont know even why. I feel it in my stomach, the whole my stomach is trembling, every two minutes I get startled by some thought what I havent done and have to do immediately, I can not even rest properly. Today I also felt very dizzy, I dont know why. There is no reason for this, I havent eaten anything wrong, I havent drunk alcohol, I have no stress in life, except for the children. Funny. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Bobo71 Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 I’m new to this site and haven’t read your history yet. How long have you been off the pills? Your symptoms describe how I have felt all today. I took citalopram from 1 jan 2011 to the end of 2016nat a dose of 40mg. As citalopram was not working I was advised to take another ssri so I went on Effexor in jan 2017 and stopped citalopram. I was on Effexor, 47.5mg for about 3 months but found it too activating. I stopped effexor in March 2017 and went on 20mg prozac on 1 April 2017. I was on prozac until 6 May 2017 when I stopped because I started having intolerable reactions to it. So I went cold turkey and have been off all Ssris from 6 May 2017 so that is 8 months at this point. I realise my CNS is totally sensitised and is the reason why I have multiple symptoms. I at least understand that and I am trying to accept the symptoms for what they are and trying not to dwell on them too much. But it is very hard and a brutal experience. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 9, 2018 Author Share Posted January 9, 2018 14 hours ago, Bobo71 said: I’m new to this site and haven’t read your history yet. How long have you been off the pills? Your symptoms describe how I have felt all today. Bobo, I am already two and a half year off the drugs. But please dont be scared. What I experience now is maybe 1 from 1000 what I experienced before. I had harming thoughts to myself and others when I c/t-ed, intrusive images, always images about the knives and these things are already almost gone. I still can not use my imagination. So the symptoms which I felt yesterday are are really a heaven to what I had experienced before. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Bobo71 Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 Martina These intrusive thoughts are really annoying. I’ve been off Ssris for 8 months but the thoughts kicked in after 5 months. It’s not clear where the initial thought came from but when it did, my reaction of disgust was very strong - but it’s the strong reaction of anxiety to the thought that seems to embed the memory of it very firmly and is recalled over and again when the trigger is present. The brain is operating correctly on one level in that it sees the thought as a threat and triggers the adrenaline response but that just embeds the memory further. It doesn’t seem to matter that you constantly tell yourself that these thoughts are repugnant and are unreal. I suppose all one can do is shrug your shoulders when the thoughts come and do something else, although that requires lots of memory patience and time. when did your intrusive thoughts start to ramp down? I took citalopram from 1 jan 2011 to the end of 2016nat a dose of 40mg. As citalopram was not working I was advised to take another ssri so I went on Effexor in jan 2017 and stopped citalopram. I was on Effexor, 47.5mg for about 3 months but found it too activating. I stopped effexor in March 2017 and went on 20mg prozac on 1 April 2017. I was on prozac until 6 May 2017 when I stopped because I started having intolerable reactions to it. So I went cold turkey and have been off all Ssris from 6 May 2017 so that is 8 months at this point. I realise my CNS is totally sensitised and is the reason why I have multiple symptoms. I at least understand that and I am trying to accept the symptoms for what they are and trying not to dwell on them too much. But it is very hard and a brutal experience. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 9, 2018 Author Share Posted January 9, 2018 1 hour ago, Bobo71 said: Martina These intrusive thoughts are really annoying. I’ve been off Ssris for 8 months but the thoughts kicked in after 5 months. It’s not clear where the initial thought came from but when it did, my reaction of disgust was very strong - but it’s the strong reaction of anxiety to the thought that seems to embed the memory of it very firmly and is recalled over and again when the trigger is present. The brain is operating correctly on one level in that it sees the thought as a threat and triggers the adrenaline response but that just embeds the memory further. It doesn’t seem to matter that you constantly tell yourself that these thoughts are repugnant and are unreal. I suppose all one can do is shrug your shoulders when the thoughts come and do something else, although that requires lots of memory patience and time. when did your intrusive thoughts start to ramp down? They started to be less after ca 1 year off the drugs, or maybe 1,5 year off the drugs. They always lessened since. The same intrusive images. But still they can come even now, but they are much milder and mostly they come only when I have a lot of stress or when I ate something unappropriate, drink Fanta or these artificial drinks. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 9, 2018 Author Share Posted January 9, 2018 My stomach is again trembling till burst. The children are again at home and are very bad. Everything destroying, threw water on my mobile phone, making disorder, shrieking. I wanted to relax in my bath, they came to me and poured water on my mobile phone. It didnt function for half an hour. I can not anymore. If I could, I would send the children for at least two months away. I think, if it goes like that I will get from them cancer. I can not anymore. The whole my inner body is trembling. I have never done it, but now I can understand the people that in such a situation start eating till they have 300 kg. Only to find the way out. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 I was today so disappointed. The new editor showed me the edit of chapter 1,2 of my book and it was again not what I wished. There is so much of "I didnt understand that sentence" that it is not a finished work at all. I am already frustrated. I always thought that to find someone who would correct my mistakes would be a simple thing. And now I see it is almost impossible. These are all the people who dont care about the text, just the money, who even dont have feeling for the text. I am frustrated. I think I will give up. Because so I can look for an editor for whole my life. I thought I will still write something, but after this experience I think it doesnt have a sense if someone only destroys you it. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 Everywhere I read there is so much movement in filming stories about benzo withdrawal, or BBC documentaries and if I go in Austria to any of authorities to claim I was damaged by Lyrica which is something like benzo only worse, everyone (from Austrian authorities) seems disinterested. They believe I am weird when complaining and even wonder what I want when I say I was seriously harmed by that medicament and it shouldnt be even on the market. I really have to send all my findings to all General Attornies in America, here in Austria noone is doing anything. Only everyone has stupid comments like "you could not be harmed" "Harmed is someone who will lose his leg or so" But I am sorry, impaired brain is also a harm, actually a great harm... 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 Today I was on one course from AMS - that is the unemployment office here :-) And there were so funny people there, mostly the ones who havent worked for a long time, Turks, people from Iran, Iraque. But they were funny. One of them showed me the newspaper where the EU and Austrian politicians had their faces with their salaries per year, like Merkel etc. And he told to me in joke that "colleague, you are looking for a job. Here are a lot of free vacancies to apply" and he pointed to Merkel in the newspaper. When I saw her sour face in the newspaper I started to laugh so much. It was actually so much fun. Most of the men there dont even have their teeth, but they are very funny. I think noone from them wants work. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 12, 2018 Author Share Posted January 12, 2018 I am today so confused. I was today on one meeting to get the job and the employer kept talking that he would expect me to make tax advisor exam and I realized I am no more person I used to be. I used to be so much concentrated on career and after this Lyrica the life and jobs orientated on profit and always more and more come me to vomit. I realized I dont want to be a tax advisor in Austria. I dont want to support society which harmed me from deep neglect and I couldnt even get the persons punished. I just dont want to fight for such society. I am confused from that and feel guilty. Someone less than the people like bankers and lawyers who are fighting for today's society. I decided I would find some normal job and would give my energy to painting. This is something what I currently need, if it is accepted or not. I have anyhow a big scepticism at the moment to the things that are accepted. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 14, 2018 Author Share Posted January 14, 2018 I like very much surviving antidepressants. It is for me better than the local newspaper :-) Happiness for everyone! 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 14, 2018 Author Share Posted January 14, 2018 Today I am very happy. My sister who has always only critized me today said that I have talent for painting and I should continue because it would be pity not to use it. I was so happy that once in the lifetime someone from the family praised me for something I did. It was marvelous. It doesnt happen that often. My sister asked me also to make her big abstract painting through whole her wall. I painted once one painting which was made from symbols and signs like a big pattern, so I told her I can make one huge painting in various colours in this pattern. She was ok with that. I would very much like to have once a cafeteria which would have walls made through such paintings, just one big pattern full of symbols most in colours of the nature, the cafeteria would be for lovers and people who love art. But till now I dont have money to do that. Maybe once... 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 16, 2018 Author Share Posted January 16, 2018 I should start to work with editor on my book. But I feel so demotivated about it. Actually till now I wasnt satisfied with any editor. I had already two. The second one let the half unchecked with "I am sorry I dont understand your sentence" What should I do with such editor? I am already frustrated about the process. I see I can do it again alone but as a non native speaker with questionable effect. Maybe it was failure to look for an editor in the association. Anyway, I hate doing the whole job with someone who would not help me. It must be managed other. These editors from association are not for me a good choice. If I would continue having such, then it is better never to write anything anymore. I am perfectionist. Bad work unbelievably hurts me. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 16, 2018 Author Share Posted January 16, 2018 "Little tigers" are already sleeping so I have a few minutes for myself. What a pleasure. Noone is quarelling, noone is hitting anyone, noone is destroying my paintings. Everything is so silent. I love it. It could be more of such time. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 17, 2018 Author Share Posted January 17, 2018 Today I have depression. Everything falls on me. The expectations of children that I would give them 100 percent of time, it is cold outside, everything. I should find a job but I still have this repulsion to work in a country which harmed me and noone got punished for that. But I have to go to the work, because we dont have any money anymore. I feel so confused. I wished I had someone to talk to today. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Just stopping by to say hello...♥️ You have a great talent.Am so sorry about your work situation...but things will fall into place for you.♥️ Take care & we care about you xxx First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 A tip for intrusive thoughts.... the breath...when these happen always go to breath & inhale & exhale your brain can’t do two things at once...your mind is like a wild monkey,it will go all over...but gently just guide it back with your breathing...over time it will come automatic for you...hope this helps a little bit ♥️ First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 17, 2018 Author Share Posted January 17, 2018 28 minutes ago, pinkfairy said: A tip for intrusive thoughts.... the breath...when these happen always go to breath & inhale & exhale your brain can’t do two things at once...your mind is like a wild monkey,it will go all over...but gently just guide it back with your breathing...over time it will come automatic for you...hope this helps a little bit ♥️ Pinkfairy, I am very happy that you answered me. I think this with breathing is a good tip. I will try it next time. Today I was by "my coach" at work office and got huge intrusive thoughts in the middle of discussion. I now imagine how next time in similar situation I will start wildly inhaling and exhaling,and it came me funny. Hopefully, they wouldnt think of me that I went nuts. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 I am so happy that I found surviving antidepressants when.I got off Lyrica and the whole hell started. You were all so nice- you answered me immediately and noone judged me. It was so great. I think you saved my life. I thank you very much. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 I have again intrusive thoughts. Quite strong. Brrr. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 It’s ok am glad you liked it ❤️!! hope your ok & managing pink xxx First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 Oh my God, yesterday I got frozen shoulder. I dont know why. Maybe some nerve inflamed there. Today I feel as if I had a broken arm. I can not move my right hand so much. And it pains devilishly. My friends meant in 7 days it will be already ok. But it doesn't feel so. It feels always worse. I already informed my family that I will be a painter rather than a tax advisor. My friends and my sister took it well. My mother not so much -she is more for these respectable jobs like teacher on the economic Uni etc. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 Hurra, I learned how to photo & cut images for making prints! 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 Today I tried to understand html messages to learn to improve my website. This is so difficult! So I didnt manage it today. It looks it will take a lot of time! 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 I have again so stupid intrusive thoughts. I dont know why they never can be only little scary. When they come to me (they dont come now very often) they are always full of blood and these absolutely stupid things as if the worst thing would happen which can happen. Sometimes when they come they are so stupid that I am really asking after sense of the life but I dont want to die. I just dont know how to heal them. I dont know if I believe anymore that once I will have my healthy brain again. I hate these doctors. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted January 21, 2018 Moderator Share Posted January 21, 2018 Paint them. Put them on canvas and sell them to someone else, then they are no longer your problem. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 21, 2018 Author Share Posted January 21, 2018 5 hours ago, brassmonkey said: Paint them. Put them on canvas and sell them to someone else, then they are no longer your problem. It is good idea, but if I paint something like that people would think I am a monster. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 21, 2018 Author Share Posted January 21, 2018 I.have a new idea for a book (if I find some suitable editor): 100 recipes for food from which the people would loose weight. I think it could be a good idea. I will now check each day from which food I gain weight and from which I lose It. I guess some women in household do not want to count calories they would rather know the finished recipe for food which they should cook to lose weight. I find the idea good. I will first try it on myself. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 Today Benny (my son) went ill. He has quite fiever 38,5'C and always cries. I think today we would have to go with him to the doctor. I found out I have today birthday. Maybe I will buy me some birthday cake. Today I started to do one painting and I made there quite big mistake. First I thought I will kick it to the dustbin but on the draft I worked for two weeks so I decided to continue. I decided that I have to accept some amount of failures in everything I am doing. So from now on I take everything as a mixture of failures and things I did well. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 Again having intrusive thoughts, stronger than in the last time, I think from acrylic paintings, these fumes that come from it are moderately toxic and I can not paint on balcony as it is cold and the neighbors use to pour down the water out of their balcony. I looked for summer parasol to protect me from their water above but they have them only in summer. So I have to paint at home, what is not good, as the fumes are really not great when in withdrawal. I have to think about some other solution. I took also today mebendazol which can support also intrusive thoughts. So today the intrusive thoughts are at their peak. I hate that. I feel then always like monster. I.wouldnt do anything to anyone, it destroys me however how can it be that everyone had it for such a short time and me it plagues already 2,5 years and it is still not over. Maybe I will have it already forever. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted January 23, 2018 Moderator Share Posted January 23, 2018 Why are you taking an anti-parasite drug for intrusive thoughts? There is no reference anywhere that I can find that supports doing this. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 4 minutes ago, brassmonkey said: Why are you taking an anti-parasite drug for intrusive thoughts? There is no reference anywhere that I can find that supports doing this. No it is not against intrusive thoughts, I got it against parasits because I got them from children, they apparently got in the kindergarten. But it is not so good for intrusive thoughts because each medicament I take makes intrusive thoughts worse. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
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