☼ Martina23: Lyrica

[brassmonkey]

I understand.  It sounded like you were taking it to try to reduce the intrusive thoughts. No problems.

[Martina23]

As already GB proves the harm of prescription drugs (taken from Ikam's thread), I decided I will try to make this petition in Austria.

 

That is great that so many people are working so hard on it.

[Martina23]

I was today so happy that in Great Britain they started already investigations. I think that US and GB are much more brave and driven for action in many things. The middle Europe, Austria is much behind in these things. I would like to be away. But the movement in GB really motivated me to try this petition here. I will first turn to the parliament member responsible for talking to the public for health issues and if it doesn't go, then I will try to gather 500 signatures to make a citizen petition. I think here it is most probably lost but even this trying makes me feel that I am still living. And that is a great feeling. It brings hope.

[Martina23]

So today I wrote to Austrian authorities who have my criminal compaint against Pfizer on their table that I am also starting a petition in Austria for investigation of misuse currently running with respect to prescription of psychiatric drugs. So they would be happy.

 

Today I have a bit depression. I am continuing making one painting and decided to do the identical one but huge - on a canvas which would be through the whole wall.

 

Today I listened whole the day to the following song. 

 

 

[Martina23]

It is so stupid. I still have worms from my children (they got them in the nursery). I tried already so many medicaments mebendazol, pyrantel and they are still not away. I dont know anymore what to do. These medicaments are also making worse my withdrawal. Yesterday after 1 year I had again intrusive image about having instead of hands knives. On the beginning of my withdrawal I had these thoughts permanently, now it is one after some time. Nevertheless, it makes me scared. I wished it were already away. I wouldnt wish anything just that I were like I was before. But I am afraid this is not possible. We also dont have so much money anymore. I have to find work very quickly. I am going to sleep. I feel today very sad.

[Martina23]

I still have worms. So except for the mebendazol I tried to take also combantrin. So 2 medicaments on one day. It made me weepy. I got from that a deep depression. It didnt help the worms. They seem unaffected. My mother said I should eat each day one garlic that it may help  better. So let us see.

 

Benny (my son) is still coughing. A lot.

 

I dont know how to do it with the painting. I can not paint outside as the neighbor pours me water on the balcony and I tried today inside but Benny started coughing. I dont know how to do. I dont want to destroy our health but I need the painting for my soul. Sigh.

 

I would so much like to go over the world. Today there was in the newspapers that a men couple went over the world in old ziguli -visited almost 30 countries, made 56000 km. This could be great. But I would also like to go through the sea. I love boats. I wish I could set off now.

 

[Martina23]

Today I have depression. I dont know why. As if everything in my life were useless.  Most probably it is useless. I just dont know who I am, why I am doing things, if it has sense to do things and which things are sensable and which not. I feel to be someone abundant on the world, someone who doesnt have a sense so why I am on the world. I dont know. (I am not suicidal) I just miss the sense of me being on the world. Whom it helps. I dont know. Worms are still not away. They dont seem by me to have this problem to contemplate which sense has their life:-) Terrible beasts!

[Martina23]

It is typically me. Now I submitted this petition on nz thread, and now I am starting to be afraid what will be from it. I know that it is necessary to do something, but I am such a coward. Always afraid of consequences even if I know that if everybody would be afraid, there can be no change. And there must be a change. Some people (like me) are like worms, always put their head to the sand if some injustice is going on. 

[Martina23]

I got ill. I think I got it from my children. I have a fever and big head ache. My stomach feels on the water.

 

I should already start to work on editing of my book, but I feel so bad.

I should start to work on the editing of my book. Previously I thought I would give work to editor, he will make work 100 percent, I will pay for it and put it on amazon. But I realized that it doesnt function like that. You will give work to editor, he will give you it back worse than it was and takes money. And then you have to look for the other. Cycle repeats itself and on the end you can do it by yourself. Akward.

 

[Martina23]

I was today so sad. I feel so sick, couldnt get up from the bed, always vomitted, so I was so looking forward when my friends (a couple) told that they would visit me. And they came, brought children food and disappeared. I was so sad. I even started to cry. It pains that even if you are feeling so bad, the friends come for one minute and go away. I wished I had someone with me when I am sick. 

[Martina23]

I feel so cold and sick. The whole my skin feels cold. My head feels as if two hammers would beat in it the whole time. I hope it stops soon because this cold and dizziness is terrible. I will take a hot bath. Hopefully I will feel than better.

[pinkfairy]

So sorry you feel this way...

 

have a bice warm bath & get & ice pack & put it on the back of your neck it eases the pressure of headaches.

xxx

[Martina23]

I feel already much better. The terrible headache is away.

 

My children started to watch Forest Gump. I love the film. So we are watching it.

 

I am so happy that the headache is away. Today is such a beautiful morning.

[Martina23]

I did today a real problem. I have a rental contract valid till 2020 and they changed the landlord and wanted that I sign the new contract. The new contract is very bad. On every second place interests 12 percent if you forget to pay rent, everywhere new penalties, the new landlord is surely someone who wants only to bring the people of the most money they can. It made me so angry, so I said I dont need to sign the new contract and if I do I want the contract for unlimited time. I think they will not do it and 2020 they will kick me out of the house. But nevertheless, I had a feeling I had to say something, I can not stand unfair contracts and big "rental sharks" which are here just to cash out on the people.

[Martina23]

I.think I will not be able to finish my book. I dont think these editors are good and alone I am not able to recognize my mistakes.  I think I will let it aside until some possibility comes how to solve it. I am a bit frustrated from it.

[brassmonkey]

Have you tried talking to some literature or writing students at the local university about working with you to edit the book.  If they work beside you there could be discussion of the the different changes and the refinements could keep the flavor that you are looking for.  Many students will work for a lot less or even free so they can learn the process, and working side by side you could learn to improve your writing.

[Martina23]

44 minutes ago, brassmonkey said:

Have you tried talking to some literature or writing students at the local university about working with you to edit the book.  If they work beside you there could be discussion of the the different changes and the refinements could keep the flavor that you are looking for.  Many students will work for a lot less or even free so they can learn the process, and working side by side you could learn to improve your writing.

Maybe, I can ask.

[Martina23]

So the woman from apartment told me that if I dont sign they will not prolong me my stay in the apartment.

 

Most probably I have to sign but I would so much like to tell her to go to the hell.

 

I hate these people who think only about money, dollars in eyes and try in each  paragraph of contract to put there something only to get more money.

 

I can not believe I was admiring such society a few years ago.

[Martina23]

I still have such a headache. I am the whole day nervous from this woman from the rental agency, I told her I sign the contract but only if she puts away these sanctions and interests out of contract in other case I wouldnt sign. My mother said that to put someone interest of 12 percent into contract is normal, for me it is not normal. But now I am afraid the woman would start to mob me like schwitch me off the water or I dont know so that I am forced to leave. It is not easy. I just dont like misuse.

[Martina23]

I started to have again PGAD symptoms (maybe because of flu). I am so happy that here are so many people having PGAD, because then I am not afraid of it anymore.

[Martina23]

I am still feeling ill. Still headache, flu and a lot of coughing. I have also today huge depression - really huge. I feel having so little energy and the children are so bad, I worry that the only thing I would do in my life is to take care of the children, that I wouldn't live anymore at all, just fulfilling the interests of my children. I dont want that. I am also still afraid that the owner of the house would kick us out. I feel that I am so useless on the world or at least that I dont do anything which I can be proud for. And I dont even have anyone whom I can make proud. I would so much like to vanish somewhere - alone - maybe to Thailand, Hong-kong or Taiwan (where there are these dragons on the moon festival and hand-made little boats) and never come back. I think I am not a mother of the year but I would like also to mean something myself, I actually envy people who have no children :-)

[Martina23]

So I started once again to correct my book. I am a bit lost in it, it hurts me that I have to accept the changes of editor even if my feeling is that it makes book worse, but if I dont recognize my own mistakes, I have no other way only to accept the changes. 

 

I will keep my original manuscript and if once I will find my dream editor, I will let the book once more corrected.

 

But it pains me as I spent so much time on it and when you dont find someone who would really polish it, it is a pity.

[Martina23]

So my editor vanished. This is already second comical editor. I really dont have words. How is something like that possible? No, I dont know. But I am really without words.

[Martina23]

Most probably I will get a job. They think to take me as a tax advisor to German chamber of commerce, what is really not a bad job.

[Martina23]

So this editor was also not good. Now he doesnt respond at all. So I have to look for a new one. I am so confused, I spent so much time writing the book the best I can and when you see that everything falls down only because of it that you dont find any normal, hard-working, responsible editor, this makes me  very frustrated. Everywhere the people are the same, just to take money and the work you can forget.

[Martina23]

I am today so sad. My children are by my mother, so I stayed at home alone. It makes me depressed. I am used to having children at home, so this silence is for me frightening. 

 

I hate this loneliness. Everything is so silent. If I could, I would rather talk with someone.

[Martina23]

I am going sleeping. I feel today very lonely.

[Martina23]

I would so much like to take a beer in the restaurant, I am only afraid if it is not a bad idea.

[Martina23]

I was today so sad that I needed to write somewhere.

 

I work the whole time, I work.again as a tax advisor because we didnt have so much money, and I decided that I have to finish this book by my work, so with last strenght I was again looking for the editor. And one editor wrote me, so we made a contract, I sent the money and since then the editor disappeared. He just vanished with my money. I dont know. I have a feeling that however I try that there is always only deceit, I dont know what the people have from this just to tell that they want to do the work and just grab the money and disappear. And it is so much from this. I feel so disheartened.  It comes me that the people who try are only victims of such deceivers. I dont know if paypal has a buyer protection for services but now it will take two months till maybe I get money back. I think I feel so demotivated already to do anything with this book when there is only deceit outside (by editors, song authors etc). I think I will not write any book anymore, I have already bad experience. This was such a waste. It made me really sad.

[Martina23]

Hi, I only wanted to share with you that I wrote today the Austrian prime minister/councellor about the problem with Lyrica, benzos, opiats and other anti-pain drugs. I am a bit nervous about it because I wrote there all the facts about pharma I know so hopefully I wouldnt get sued. But I read that it is in discussion in GB to put Lyrica as a class C drug so I got so angry about this drug so I tried to write to Councellor. I tried it here in the past with "bereichsprecher"- a competent person at parliament for health -but got no answer. I even approached the general attorney of texas where they know me, til now I had really little success but I take it that I just try a lot of ways and more subjects, some are successful and some are maybe not ripe enough at the moment. But maybe once will be.

 

If anything really breaking happens I will inform you. Till now it was more like attempt -failure.

 

But I take it like in this Murphy's proverb: No attempt is really lost, it can always serve as a bad example :-)

 

Martina

[Martina23]

Today something terrible happened. How I fought that these state offices acknowledge that the Lyrica is harmful, I got today again a significant blow. I was maybe so stupid to turn to the chamber of the doctors in Austria, because I can not go here to the court as the courts in austria dont function, so I turned to the chamber of doctors and they appointed "some expert" to consider my claim and today I got answer. I found there that "I was like always in psychiatric care so it is my illness not the medicament". I got such a schock. I have never been by psychiater in my whole life, I got prescribed the Lyrica when I came to the hospital because of PGAD which is a gynecologic condition, I was totally mentally healthy until I stopped taking Lyrica, then I admitted myself  to the psychiatric hospital for the first time (because of withdrawal). They totally ignored it and for them it was like "I was continually in psychiatric care so these people always think they have it from some medicament", that is really a joke.

 

It really shows to me that in Austria you can forget everything, if you dont sue in America, it doesnt have a sense.

 

I wrote also to our premier minister, he answered I should turn to ministery of health. I guess, they will also make from me either a crazy woman or a psychiatric patient.

 

It is not an easy world. The money seems to win in the part of the world I am living.

 

I dont know even how i will make it with the book. As these people - the doctors and pharma can create unproblematically so many favourable expert statements, so here it can not really be won. In america it would go, but unfortunately I am not living there.

 

I really can not live here. I can not seem to be able to get any justice here. I am very sad about it.

[Martina23]

Hier, totally document how my doctors do seminars with Pfizer to push through Lyrica

 

https://biologicalpsychiatry.meduniwien.ac.at/fileadmin/psychiatrie/Div._Dateien/PWP_2013_Programm_final.pdf

 

page 7

 

Wenn they push through the medicaments they make reference to EFNS guidlines (guidlines on neuropathic pain - by pain medicaments), I checked the guidlines, 6 from 7 authors of the guidlines work for pharma industry, they get money as consultant  for pharma industry..

 

I want to vomit from this. I sent it to Austrian doctors chamber but was basically stamped as surely crazy.

[Martina23]

Today I got the answer on my criminal complaint I put here in Austria that the Pfizer manipulates the clinical studies. So naturally, they put it aside that they didnt notice anything wrong. I am sure that they didnt check any clinical studies, they just didnt do anything, waited a little and then after some time sent it back to me that they didnt find any criminal activity.

 

I was today so disappointed. I am now sure that here in Austria it doesn't go. Here the state works so badly that to await any justice/change here is very naive. It just doesn't work here.

 

I already stopped fighting because in Austria it doesn't have a sense and in America I can not fight because I am not there.

 

But I am very unhappy about this all work I put inside, I feel very frustrated that I live here. I think something has to change, I can not imagine to stay here when I see how much really honest, good work I put inside, so many evenings that I could do something other, and here it is like as if I did nothing. Noone is interested. Lying doctors seem to be taken as more trusted.

 

I hope everyone is ok.

 

I was just now so crushed about these blows (from all sides) that I just had to write it here.

 

I really am very sad. I will not do any activist work in Austria anymore, sadly it doesn't have a sense.

 

I hope all are well! Your Martina

[FarmGirlWorks]

Martina,

 

That is just awful the lack of meaningful response... ugh. I think it is FANTASTIC that you actually did something though. Even if it didn't seem to make a difference, it did. One more chip in the wall and it will someday crumble to the ground. Congratulations on doing something.

[Martina23]

Hi all,

 

thank you farmgirl on your response.

 

With fighting because of Lyrica I will continue even if I am not hopeful about it. I think the most parts why the pharma companies can still deceit is that the state is so unefficient. Next week I should decide if I appeal against the decision for this criminal complaint, I still dont know.

 

In the doctors chamber I pointed out that there is missing in my papers the information that they informed me on side effects. I wait that they will now write it there and tell me that I didnt see it before.

 

Today I am a bit scared. Two weeks ago my daughter had scharlach (scarlett fever) and since then I get comical feelings in my muscles, they are weak both in hands and feet, I get fasciculations and for two days I had a feeling that it is hard for me to talk. I still have it. It is a bit painful, I feel pressure and tired when I talk. And our premier minister from Czech from old times died on ALS, it was in all tabloid newspapers and I got a bit afraid what if I have ALS. So I feel uneasy about that, if I have ALS I will die. I hope not. I still wanted so much to do. I looked to  ALS self help website and it was not funny. But these people looked so brave, they just wanted to be remembered as good people.

 

Now my son threw at my daughter a glass. I shouted with him so loudly at once my speech seemed to be quite ok. It is kind of muscle weekness I dont know.

 

I found already editor. So if I wouldn't have ALS, I decided I would start to  write one more (little) book. I decided that it would be a thriller. But I will start only if I dont have ALS. I get scared of it really.

 

[Martina23]

It is so stupid. I get so afraid of this ALS, I wish so much that I dont have it, but muscle weakness with speaking comes me nothing simple, I cannot imagine to have ALS. 

 

But they write in the newspaper that only 2 people from 100.000,--- get  ALS, so I hope I will not have such a bad luck that I will be one from this two.

 

I think it doesnt help me to worry, I can only wait how it will develop, but I get scared. I must say.

 

I decided that my new book will be an erotic thriller  :-) There will be a lot of sex. I asked my friends ( the woman and a man - a couple who are my friends for many years) if it is a bad idea if I put there a lot of sex ( if they can then refuse me to publish it on Amazon) but my friends meant people like dirty things, they meant the people will like it

 

So if I dont have ALS, I will write then such a book 🙂