☼ Martina23: Lyrica

[Martina23]

It frustrates me so much that I have to sit at work the whole day until end of July and then I can work half a day. I would much more like to continue with my painting as to do the self-denunciations for people who "forgot" to pay taxes. I  think I am somewhat a coward. I am always afraid to tell people what I really want to do and to insist on it, I was raised by communism and at that time there was no possibility to be individual, the virtue was when everybody fell into this grave middle line. We couldnt be other. And it stayed by me. I have this terrible problems to say that I want to do something other, to go my way, I always look what the people would think about that, it is so stupid. I have to change, but it goes so hard.

[Martina23]

And now it is the end of working time! It is time to eat a fish... :-)

[Martina23]

I was so tired yesterday. I wanted to paint but our apartment looked already so terrible, I had rather to start tidying up. I was tidying up until 10 and they I was so tired that I fell asleep immediately.  I am already so much looking forward to 1.8. when I start to work only part time. I changed my style in painting, the new pictures will be not only colours but just combined pictures with coal and a lot of raw pencil. But I like it. I will make at least five of that. Somewhat I am happy that the children are not here. I was already so tired. I feel so good now. I almost put some parfume on me when I went to the work. Everywhere is such a peace. Noone is crying, noone wants from me anything. Beautiful. Today I will go buy new canvas after work. I love art shops. I love that variety, there are so many papers, air-brushes and glitter there, I could sit there the whole day. It is for me like the Tiffanies´.

 

I wish everyone beautiful day. And the mostly peace and no nerving during the day:-)

 

[Carmie]

On 7/25/2018 at 4:59 PM, Martina23 said:

I was so tired yesterday. I wanted to paint but our apartment looked already so terrible, I had rather to start tidying up. I was tidying up until 10 and they I was so tired that I fell asleep immediately.  I am already so much looking forward to 1.8. when I start to work only part time. I changed my style in painting, the new pictures will be not only colours but just combined pictures with coal and a lot of raw pencil. But I like it. I will make at least five of that. Somewhat I am happy that the children are not here. I was already so tired. I feel so good now. I almost put some parfume on me when I went to the work. Everywhere is such a peace. Noone is crying, noone wants from me anything. Beautiful. Today I will go buy new canvas after work. I love art shops. I love that variety, there are so many papers, air-brushes and glitter there, I could sit there the whole day. It is for me like the Tiffanies´.

 

I wish everyone beautiful day. And the mostly peace and no nerving during the day:-)

 

 

 

Hi Martina, 

 

I’m so happy you are going to be able to do lots of painting in the future. Yes, there’s definitely a lot to look at in art shops. I was in  one this week. It’s like being a kid in a candy store. I’m so glad that you’ve got something that’s a great distraction for you. 

 

I have never really understood the concept of boredom, I can always find a million n one things to distract myself. Even when I’m feeling totally anhedonic because of withdrawals and can’t find real joy in things I still make myself do things. You can’t wish away your symptoms, you might as well distract yourself through them, I reckon.

 

I’m glad you got some alone time as well

 

I wish you a beautiful day too💚

 

 

[Martina23]

1 hour ago, Carmie said:

 

 

Hi Martina, 

 

I’m so happy you are going to be able to do lots of painting in the future. Yes, there’s definitely a lot to look at in art shops. I was in  one this week. It’s like being a kid in a candy store. I’m so glad that you’ve got something that’s a great distraction for you. 

 

I have never really understood the concept of boredom, I can always find a million n one things to distract myself. Even when I’m feeling totally anhedonic because of withdrawals and can’t find real joy in things I still make myself do things. You can’t wish away your symptoms, you might as well distract yourself through them, I reckon.

 

I’m glad you got some alone time as well

 

I wish you a beautiful day too💚

 

 

Carmie, I am happy that you wrote me. I am sitting at work. Sometimes I am already quite tired. I am happy that I have a bit peace from my children (I know it sounds awful :-)) It was so funny. Last week I started to get such comical emails from some US address: conservativefighters ... ???  I must have been so stupid to click somewhere, because I am not any conservative fighter, but I had fun reading it. I started to eat to the dinner always salade, because I decided I would like to get a better figure. I hope it helps. I bought also such a basilicum -olive oil dip to mix it with vegetables (maybe I will try it also with pumpkin oil) and a goat cheese, so I hope it helps. I love good food. I am happy you like also art shops. I let there always so much money. But all in all I feel happy. I pity only that till now we couldnt do anything that these psych drugs are still dispensed like candies as not many people have so much money to fight back effectively.

 

I know what you mean with diamond painting. I buy it to my daughter also. She likes it too. It makes such beautiful patterns. How is your withdrawal. Do you feel already better?

[Martina23]

I wished I had someone to discuss about this Lyrica, what to do, I still have it in my mind and can not decide what to do

[Martina23]

I decided that I would most probably let this thing with Lyrica. I was counting, counting but it seems to me that it doesnt seem to be the right thing. If these judges by criminal complaint were so neglective, this other (civil) court here would not be better. Most probably it would take twenty years, here I could forget it, maybe the first chance I would get would be by European court, it would cost at least 70.000 until I would even come there, for this the interests (I dont have the money, I would have to borrow them) would be at least 6000 Eur and if I would win, here for the withdrawal you would get maybe 7000 Eur, which is 1000 eur gain for 20 years stress and if I lose I could pay costs of trial ca 100.000 so the only one who would cash out would be the lawyers.

 

In US if I had money, it would have sense but here it is better if I check these control studies and make the lists of how many scientists were financially connected to pharma industry by Lyrica and put it to a book and publish it. And also support the others.

 

Here in Austria the courts dont work.

[Martina23]

I made today a painting and it turned quite badly. It looks like someone who has a birth defect. I am crushed. I think I will offer it somewhere free on the online market for not usable things. I feel really very bad.

[Martina23]

I already sleep bad without my children...

[Martina23]

I dont know why but sometimes come to my mind the intrusive images on my involuntary hospitalization in the psychiatric hospital. It is still like flashes how I decided to go with my children home and how these men came to me, grabbed me, bound me and medicated me against my will. This I will never forget in my life. How can these people get away with such things? I guess only because we dont have so much money to fight back and the law system is not working here. It was for me so humiliating. I think I have from that a trauma and from withdrawal, from this all what happened. Sometimes, when I remember it, I have such attacks to cry. But I try to hold myself back. This psychiatric institutions are really on the level of 19 century till now.

[Martina23]

I wrote today about our problem in one newspaper, lets see!

[FarmGirlWorks]

On 7/24/2018 at 11:59 PM, Martina23 said:

I changed my style in painting, the new pictures will be not only colours but just combined pictures with coal and a lot of raw pencil. But I like it. I will make at least five of that... I feel so good now... oday I will go buy new canvas after work. I love art shops. I love that variety, there are so many papers, air-brushes and glitter there, I could sit there the whole day. It is for me like the Tiffanies´.

I think it is essential that you paint/do art as much as possible. My neighbor told me today that she had tried various ADs and they had (of course) ill effects. She quit the last after a few days and saw her doctor a few weeks later. She said, "Oh, you're in remission -- the pills must be working." My neighbor replied that she quit the pills. The doctor sad, "well then do whatever it is you're doing, because you are getting better." One of the things is ART. So my neighbor, a costume designer and seamstress, is making sure to incorporate that every day into her life. I need to figure out what works for me too... socializing and art, I think.

[Martina23]

Maybe it is stupid but I wrote to Slovak president if he can help with this issue we are facing - overprescription of toxic medicaments, clinical studies from doctors financially connected to pharma industry, so many people suffering,  I know it is improbable he would help, but the more people  I approach the bigger is the possibility that something changes

[Martina23]

I have got one more super idea whom I can write, hi, hi, hi ....

[Martina23]

I dont want that you start to laugh at me but I was thinking if I dont make a citizen initiative here in Austria, an initiative "for independent, active, helping and friendly citizens", where we would try to work for healthy environment, help each other and other people, so basically  build a new society which would be more "to work together towards some better friendly society of citizens" comparing to "have always more, have bigger car and better carriere. We could make trips for example to help cleaning some area, nature, villages and at the end would be a picnic where everybody would bring something good to eat and get to know each other

[Martina23]

Today I again got paper from austrian authorities how noone did mistake with respect to lyrica (there is no withdrawal, only I am menthally unhealthy or so) and I again got so unhappy. It pains me again so this hopelessness when you see stupid people in authorities who know nothing who know only people make bad. I again  got tears. I must go away. I will make today emails to the biggest companies if they can not help me and if not I will leave the country. I can not live like that.

[Martina23]

When I got this letter, sometimes I feel  that it would be better if I wouldnt be alive, but sure maybe for the children it is necessary to live and I am also coward enough to take my own life, but in such situations I ask myself which sense the life has. Someone destroys your health for money, you have to suffer and the people say to you here, it is ok. They see no fault - either by pharma or by the doctors. How can something like this be?

[Martina23]

It is for me so much to cry how they just dismissed all my complaint, it pains a lot

[Martina23]

I asked one foundation  if they can not help me go to the court, the answer was no. I guess I hear everywhere only no. It is so frustrating. I do not know anymore what to do. I let it to God - to decide, I did already enough, I dont know really anymore what I could do more.

 

I think I feel really frustrated. So I decided that I would start tommorrow the new book - simple, positive one. There would be actually not much acting, only a simple decent sensitive love story. This will again change my mood to the better. I love dreaming. That is maybe the only one thing that stayed me.

[Martina23]

I get already so many spam emails during the day that it makes me nervous. My children are at my mothers house and I am alone at home. I asked my children if they miss me and they said no. I wish they would miss me. I guess I could even imagine to have third child because it would hopefully miss me. But I can not have a third child now because  I dont have a man. And I wouldnt want Austrian. Because they are liers, I think this thing with Lyrica how they refused their fault showed me here are not good people. 

 

I was painting today but the painting is not that good. I have now a sad time in my life because my children are not here and I feel alone. I wish there was someone to talk to but someone nice.

 

I decided we would go with children for two weeks holiday - one week I wanted to go to the artistic spa where we often go and the second week to Hungary-Balaton. I have never been there, my mother said there is beautiful see like lake and a great food. I like Hungarian people, they are very open and gracious to guests, they would give everything. I am already looking forward there.

[Martina23]

So many people say they are happy when they come more scarcely to surviving antidepressants as it shows they feel already better and are a sign for the others that they recovered. I guess I still want to come to SA even I feel to some point recovered. I feel that this problem with antidepressants and toxic drugs is still not solved in the society so I can not see this whole problem as closed. And as soon as there is no progress in the society, I want to take it in a way as my personal responsibility to try to help to solve the issue and stay connected until we can say the world knows about our suffering, our suffering is taken seriously and the problem will be removed (also for other people in future). But maybe I am a dreamer 🙂

[FarmGirlWorks]

1 hour ago, Martina23 said:

But maybe I am a dreamer 🙂

Well, as John Lennon said, you're not the only one.

 

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace, you

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one

[Martina23]

55 minutes ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Well, as John Lennon said, you're not the only one.

 

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace, you

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one

I see that there are so many wonderful honest people on the Earth, but still the bad, corrupted ones are always more. But it is good to see that there are wonderful too and live for them.

 

Thank you FGW, now I will listen the whole evening to John Lennon.

[Carmie]

Hi Martina, 

 

Im sorry you have been so stressed. I think the most important thing to do is to work on yourself. Just focus on yourself n your healing. Focus on your art n paintings. Focus on the things you love. Explore, create. 

 

You sound like you have a great gift with your painting. Don’t let external forces rob you of that.

 

Sending hugs🤗

[Martina23]

I wrote again someone if they can not help, I know the probability is quite low but I am still trying.

 

Sometimes it comes me frustrating as I know it is very improbable that someone will help.but I just dont want to give it up.because I consider it unjustified.

 

But at the end I guess I will lose because  I dont have enough money to put it to the court.

 

I feel really exhausted. Really from life and panic to ask for someones help exhausted.

[Martina23]

It is funny that everywhere in internet it is only written that Lyrica withdrawal takes only 1 week and it is so mild, almost undetectable. I had it almost two years. How can it be that everybody -all doctors are wrong or am I having already "fatamorgana" ?

[Martina23]

I got again so much energy to do something. Today I will start to do a new painting and I will work on the first chapter of my new book.

 

 

[Martina23]

My sister said she loved my book, so I was so happy about. She said she finished it within one evening because she wanted to know how it ends. She said she was amazed. I was so happy that she loved it.

[Martina23]

I started today to write my second book, I gave it the name " About the people  who went to seek luck", I wrote today the first page. I felt happy to think about the story. But I guess it will be the sad one.

 

I spoke today with my sister. She said she will read it when I have a few pages. She was very nice.

 

I had this week a very bad experience. One older man started to molest me and I said that I didnt feel comfortable but the whole situation was very unpleasant to me. And I said it to my sister and she was very nice. She said that I reacted appropriately and that it is absolutely ok to say no and if someone molests you it is normal that I felt bad because the molestation feels similar to rape. I wasnt raped but it felt very unpleasant and I was happy that my sister understood it and supported me.

 

 

[Martina23]

My previous best friend went angry with me because he made me proposals (sexually) even if he has a girlfriend and I refused. I couldnt imagine to have with him anything sexually because I saw him as a friend not as a boyfriend. He went angry and stopped talking with me.

 

So now I dont have any friend anymore. In some way it is also relieving - it makes you so free. But I feel also very alone and I am afraid how I will manage things. I feel only as a woman. But I am happy that he is away because these proposals were for me to vomit.

 

So now I am totally alone.I hope I will find new friends - women or men through the life.

 

I wrote today to CEPUK if they dont have some clinical studies which confirm the withdrawal by Lyrica.

 

I was now at work and now I am going to continue in my book. I have such a peace in soul - it hasnt been long that I felt so good.

 

[Hammond23]

Lyrica and Gabapentin both have benzo like withdrawels... a slow taper is best. Your brain is not damaged, your CNS is just trying to get stable, the drug took over and your brain got lazy... adding more drugs may complicate the situation.  I realized that the hard way, coming off any drug is best done with a very slow reduction of that drug (in most cases way way way slower than doctors will tell you ).

 

I know this is an older post, i hope you are feeling better.

[Martina23]

I decided that I will buy my daughter a little guitar. We were last time in one shop and there was one little pink guitar. My daughter immediately said that is what she wants. I told her if she doesnt change her opinion until christmas, i will buy it. And now I decided i will buy it even now. And she can have also lessons.

[Iatrogenesis]

What guitar is it? An acoustic?

[Martina23]

1 hour ago, Iatrogenesis said:

What guitar is it? An acoustic?

Oh yes, not an electric one but the one which you can manually play with. I hope it wouldnt be useless because my children they want everything and mostly in five minutes it is already thrown somewhere in the corner. But it is not so expensive maybe 30 Eur.

[Iatrogenesis]

There are also classical guitars... Those are different. They have nylon strings, not steel. They are easier to play because you don't have to develop callouses.

[Martina23]

16 minutes ago, Iatrogenesis said:

There are also classical guitars... Those are different. They have nylon strings, not steel. They are easier to play because you don't have to develop callouses.

I just dont know which strings it has:-) But I will buy it today so I will look at it. So you think nylon strings are better. I hope it will be the right ones.