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☼ Martina23: Lyrica


Martina23

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Btw, what did you mean about the kindergarten teacher looking harsh from the nature..I thought that was funny but was not quite sure what you meant..

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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She has cross features and I can not even complain about her because she is the right hand of the director (she is replacing director when he is on holiday). How is your tapering? I will now hold for a while because my rage or akathisia was today unbelievable strong. Before I felt at least in the morning ok. And how is it with your work by the Christian community? Will you get paid for it or is it like that you want to help for free? What are they doing?

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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Hi Martina, I just read your thread. I'm very sorry about what you're going through. 

 

I'm a little scared as I was prescribed Lyrica to help with some of my withdrawal symptoms from antidepressants. It helps me a lot, but I will probably am already addicted to it and have yet another withdrawal to go through. 

 

On the positive side of your story, you only have 1 drug to withdraw from, you were not polydrugged, which is something that has happened to many of us. You also already have children! I've been suffering from withdrawal since I'm 29 years old and then medicated again and again and everything has worsened so much. I'm almost 32 right now, I wish I could get married and have children, but I can't. I have a boyfriend (who has been with me through all of my WD hell) but I couldn't be able to go through a wedding. I also can't have children because of WD and because I'm still taking medications to alleviate WD. My body is poisoned, I would hate to poison my own baby with the meds I still can't stop. I saw one of your posts on LoveandLight's thread about adopting. I think this might be an option for me if I recover in the future. 

 

So, my point is, you have children and that's gold. Your withdrawal was after having your children, so you already have achieved something very beautiful and so important in life, and you will heal and enjoy life again and feel normal again. 

 

Best wishes! 

-Effexor 150 mgs (2001-2009). Severe withdrawal symptoms during and after tapering for 6 months.  

-Pristiq 50 mg (2009-2012) Tapered over a year. Worst year of my life. 

-Prozac 20 mg (2012) Tapered over 6 moths to ease withdrawal. Still had severe WD symptoms. 

- (2012-2014) Doctor tried more than 20 medications for depression and WD, leaving me hypersensitive, and in protracted withdrawal. 

- Most debilitating symptoms during protracted withdrawal have been deep depression, anxiety, brain zaps, fatigue, akathisia, twitching, headaches and terrible PMS. 

-January 2015: Started Lamictal 12.5 mg, increased to 25 mg.- Bad reaction when updosed to 50 mg. Stopped. 

-February 2015: Doctor tried new antidepressant Brintellix - Horrible reaction. Discontinued completely. Severe AKATHISIA started.

-March 2015:  Started TMS therapy (Transcranial magnetic stimulation) for severe depression. Didn't work. 

-July 23-August 12: Had 10 ECT sessions which took away my protracted withdrawal symptoms including: akathisia, brain zaps, muscle twitches, fatigue and depression. Stopped medications. 

-September 2015: Experiencing bouts of depression again and muscle twitching. 

-March 2016: Started 20 mg Nortryptiline for depression. It helped. 

-August 2016: Slowly tapering Nortryptiline. 

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CDav, maybe you would still have own children. Life sometimes changes in a second. I felt to be in a good way in the life and at once this came. If I knew it I would never take Lyrica in my whole life. In the past I asked about about adoptions from Afrika and Filipines, as one couple went through it, and they said it is very difficult and costs a lot of money. You have to be married in the church and also very much check everything they are doing because they try always to get rid of the sick for example HIV sick children first

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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I think it is great that you are talking about your kids.Kids are your life and it is therapeutic to write about positive experiences. I hope you have a great trip!

DRUG HISTORY:

 

November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction).

January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey).

January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering.

October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg.

September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed.

September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised.

February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. :(

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I'm just holding for now Martina..way unstable ATM..I'm itching just to get rid of this crap though. I don't get paid in this community I get food and a place to stay xx

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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But even if you do not get paid I hold for a very good idea. Because you getca place to stay, food, you are with the people and have a good feeling that you helped someone. I find it ok. If I did not have responsibility for the children, maybe I would also do it. My brain chemistry is such a mess. I am sometimes so afraid to stay alone with the children. Each day when some stupid thought come, I tell myself that the next day I will either go to the psychiatry or that I will commit suicide. But than the next I always keep going. God knows why...

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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Martina, I really hope I can have children of my own. Maybe I'll be much older but still will be able to get pregnant. I really hope so. 

 

God gives you strength every day to keep going on. Each day you're one day closer to recovery. I admire everything you're still doing in your life in spite of this horrible health problem. 

-Effexor 150 mgs (2001-2009). Severe withdrawal symptoms during and after tapering for 6 months.  

-Pristiq 50 mg (2009-2012) Tapered over a year. Worst year of my life. 

-Prozac 20 mg (2012) Tapered over 6 moths to ease withdrawal. Still had severe WD symptoms. 

- (2012-2014) Doctor tried more than 20 medications for depression and WD, leaving me hypersensitive, and in protracted withdrawal. 

- Most debilitating symptoms during protracted withdrawal have been deep depression, anxiety, brain zaps, fatigue, akathisia, twitching, headaches and terrible PMS. 

-January 2015: Started Lamictal 12.5 mg, increased to 25 mg.- Bad reaction when updosed to 50 mg. Stopped. 

-February 2015: Doctor tried new antidepressant Brintellix - Horrible reaction. Discontinued completely. Severe AKATHISIA started.

-March 2015:  Started TMS therapy (Transcranial magnetic stimulation) for severe depression. Didn't work. 

-July 23-August 12: Had 10 ECT sessions which took away my protracted withdrawal symptoms including: akathisia, brain zaps, muscle twitches, fatigue and depression. Stopped medications. 

-September 2015: Experiencing bouts of depression again and muscle twitching. 

-March 2016: Started 20 mg Nortryptiline for depression. It helped. 

-August 2016: Slowly tapering Nortryptiline. 

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I dont know. I always so hope when I get up it will be away. I woke up, children wanted to cuddle with me in the bed, the thoughts started even worse than before. I can not do this anymore. I am destroyed and I can not imagine living like this person I seem now to be. I am really considering to end it for me.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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The whole my emotions go completely other way than my thoughts (also my rational me). My thoughts say "I love", my emotions say "I hate". I always get contradictional messages. I am so confused and dont want to live like this. Honestly, I am losing the meaning of the life.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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I had those kind of thoughts as well around Christmas time. They have passed and only come very sporadically here and there now. Dealing mostly with pain and nausea and anxiety now. These kinds of mental symptoms( I call them mental ninjas) are common it seems. It has passed for me and will pass for you too. Try to hang on. You seem to know they don't make sense so that is positive and means it is just WD.

2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale.
.6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th)
.4mg(April 27th)
.2 (June 27th)

0mg.  done taper at beginning of August.

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Martina, these thoughts are just your brain trying to adjust. Do not pay attention to them, they are just thoughts, not reality. They will pass. Some of us have been in withdrawal for a long long time. Maybe you wish it could be faster, but your withdrawal is still recent, give it time. You'll recover, you'll be happy and normal again. Thankfully you were normal before withdrawal, didn't have any other mental problems, and that's a blessing. Some of us have to deal with WD and our own genetic/endogenous mental disorders. So, thank God you were normal before all of this because this means you'll return to that normality. 

 

Hang in there. 

-Effexor 150 mgs (2001-2009). Severe withdrawal symptoms during and after tapering for 6 months.  

-Pristiq 50 mg (2009-2012) Tapered over a year. Worst year of my life. 

-Prozac 20 mg (2012) Tapered over 6 moths to ease withdrawal. Still had severe WD symptoms. 

- (2012-2014) Doctor tried more than 20 medications for depression and WD, leaving me hypersensitive, and in protracted withdrawal. 

- Most debilitating symptoms during protracted withdrawal have been deep depression, anxiety, brain zaps, fatigue, akathisia, twitching, headaches and terrible PMS. 

-January 2015: Started Lamictal 12.5 mg, increased to 25 mg.- Bad reaction when updosed to 50 mg. Stopped. 

-February 2015: Doctor tried new antidepressant Brintellix - Horrible reaction. Discontinued completely. Severe AKATHISIA started.

-March 2015:  Started TMS therapy (Transcranial magnetic stimulation) for severe depression. Didn't work. 

-July 23-August 12: Had 10 ECT sessions which took away my protracted withdrawal symptoms including: akathisia, brain zaps, muscle twitches, fatigue and depression. Stopped medications. 

-September 2015: Experiencing bouts of depression again and muscle twitching. 

-March 2016: Started 20 mg Nortryptiline for depression. It helped. 

-August 2016: Slowly tapering Nortryptiline. 

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I am so tired from the weekend. Now I am sitting in the work and trying to recover.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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Oh my God, this guy Ardyes suffers from withdrawal syndrom 9 years after he stopped them.  When I hear such things, I am going to hang myself up. This is not possible. This I could not bear, God knows I am happy when I can bear it for on emore single day! And how is it possible that there is no medicaion to heal it? I dont want to have violent thoughts, what should I do? I am afraid.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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((((Martina)))) Thanks for the heads up. I won't be reading that thread, and neither should you. It's ramping you up. Stay with the people you feel safe with. You have only one drug you're dealing with. Everybody's journey is unique. You don't know anything about this individual, their makeup, their life stressors, how they react to them. You've had many many good days of feeling happy. You work. You play with your children. You eat. You sleep. You drink coffee. These seem insignificant, but they are not. They are signs that you will heal soon.

January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.

September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.

January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.

July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.

August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.

September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.

October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.

November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.

December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.

March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

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Thank you Pug. I wanted to write you it on your thread, but my boss is still walking here around, so I did not want that he finds me scrolling on internet. They know it anyhow, because they control our computers. But what should I do, when they want to kick me out, they will do so. Pug, I hope you are yourself better. Ho w is Opie? And did you have a nice weekend?

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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Bloodrush recovered in 2 months. We're all different.

January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.

September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.

January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.

July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.

August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.

September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.

October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.

November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.

December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.

March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

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Really? I want also ... I will read his thread when I have time.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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Pug you are really a sorcerer, this made me so much hope !!!!

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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I'm so glad, Martina. Hope is all we need to keep our spirits and endurance up. We can do this and we will heal. Since we wake up feeling the same lousy each day, we feel we aren't getting better, but we are. You know what? Your healing pattern might be that one day you wake up feeling great and it will all be over. It's happened to lots of people that way. That's why you need to look forward to waking up.

January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.

September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.

January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.

July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.

August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.

September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.

October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.

November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.

December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.

March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

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Pug, I admire your inner strenght that you have to fight your withdrawal and manage also to cheer up others. Really great!

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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My brain is so my messed up. Today I when I woke up, my brain seriously told me  (I got a thought) that I should remove my head. Naturally there is still this rational me which tells me that it is impossible to put down my head, that the thought is not ok, but how is this possible that the brain gives me such thoughts I don´t know. I dont know anymore who I am. Before everything was so simple, also with the children. I loved them and we felt so pleasant together. Now I still know I love them but my body thinks I am not and gives me therefore bad thoughts. I dont know how long I can endure something like this. I am so afraid that it might stay forever or so long that I would not endure it. I dont even know if it is normal or I went already insane from this Lyrica.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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Martina,  Of course the strange thoughts going through your mind are not "you".  I've read somewhere that even when in a "normal" state, we have strange, silly thoughts that pass by but that our brain automatically discards them as nonsense and we don't experience them.  Now, because the brain is not functioning as it should, we get the most unpleasant experience of "hearing" all these bizarre thoughts.  And our feelings too are temporarily disconnected from proper channels so they can't help us to disregard the unwanted/unneeded thoughts.  All we can to is to try and let them pass by without reacting to them.  I have read where the best thing to do is to just "observe" them and not take them on.   I have to tell myself to ignore them too as I have some horrible thoughts and pictures in my mind.  I try to distract as best as I can.  That's really all we can do until our systems rebalance themselves.  And they will.  You  won't always be this way, honest.  I'm so so so sorry that you have to go through this though, so unfair and cruel.  We love you and are praying for you, Martina.   You'll come through this.

1971-81  Valium 5mg c/t PAWS     1992- through now Zoloft 25mg    2003-05 Valium 12mg Slow Taper Off

2013 Afrin Exposure to CNS    2013 O/D Val 230mg    2013 Doxepin 50mg Clonidine 2mg Zoloft 25mg

3/15/16  Doxepin 49mg Micro Tapering  Zoloft 24.3mg Holding taper

3/15/16 Clonidine mg 0.1 1/2 -    Decreasing incrementally.  DISCONTINUED

10/9/16  Doxepin 48.9  Zoloft 24.3  Clonidine  01.10  Continuing micro taper on Doxepin.

11/16/16 Doxepin 48mg  Zoloft 24.3mg  Clonidine 1.30mg

5/4/17  Doxepin 45mg  Zoloft 24mg  Clonidine 1.20mg   Micro taper of Doxepin  , Clonidine

01/13/19  Doxepin 45mg   Zoloft 21mg   Will start Micro taper of Doxepin 2/19

12/21/21  Doxepin 20 mg ?  Reducing using water micro taper--Pulling 24ml from 75ml

12/2121   Zoloft .060 grams by weight--HOLDING (info from post added by CC: On 12/21/21 my dosage was .060grams by weight or 20mg. )

26 Apr 2022 - Zoloft at -0-

 

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I'm sorry about your morning Martina. SlemaLady's advice is really good, just observe the thought, don't feel guilty about those thoughts, it's not you, it's the temporary unbalance. You will return to have pleasant and normal moments with your children, you'll see. 

-Effexor 150 mgs (2001-2009). Severe withdrawal symptoms during and after tapering for 6 months.  

-Pristiq 50 mg (2009-2012) Tapered over a year. Worst year of my life. 

-Prozac 20 mg (2012) Tapered over 6 moths to ease withdrawal. Still had severe WD symptoms. 

- (2012-2014) Doctor tried more than 20 medications for depression and WD, leaving me hypersensitive, and in protracted withdrawal. 

- Most debilitating symptoms during protracted withdrawal have been deep depression, anxiety, brain zaps, fatigue, akathisia, twitching, headaches and terrible PMS. 

-January 2015: Started Lamictal 12.5 mg, increased to 25 mg.- Bad reaction when updosed to 50 mg. Stopped. 

-February 2015: Doctor tried new antidepressant Brintellix - Horrible reaction. Discontinued completely. Severe AKATHISIA started.

-March 2015:  Started TMS therapy (Transcranial magnetic stimulation) for severe depression. Didn't work. 

-July 23-August 12: Had 10 ECT sessions which took away my protracted withdrawal symptoms including: akathisia, brain zaps, muscle twitches, fatigue and depression. Stopped medications. 

-September 2015: Experiencing bouts of depression again and muscle twitching. 

-March 2016: Started 20 mg Nortryptiline for depression. It helped. 

-August 2016: Slowly tapering Nortryptiline. 

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Please I need advice.

 

Yesterday I had terrible symptoms, if these are really symptoms. I dont know if I should go to psychiatry. My withdrawal went completely much worse. I am really worrying I might got from withdrawal schizophrenia. I will be completely honest whats happened. But please dont laugh, I am already almost crazy from it.

 

Yesterday until I went to bad I had the symptoms like before. In bed I started to read some bulvar website with so funny articles and the persons (pictures) came me much more distorted like before. Like if I would see in everyone zombie.

 

Then I went to bed and there started the thoughts, but not the usual scary one where I knew they were nonsense, but such which are scary but they seemed much stronger and much more believable. As if my rational me was almost not there. The thoughts started (I was before checking survivingantidepressants website) why I read survivingantidepressants website, that it is possible that it is connected to aliens, and the aliens want to find out everything what I write to hurt me.The rational me was almost not there. I went almost crazy from afraidness. Till now my emotions did not come back, I feel like zombie  myself, feeling that I can no touch the people, and afraid everybody wants only bad to me and I should want bad to him.

 

This everything I did not have until yesterday. Today there is the rational me again here. So I know that survivingantidepressants has nothing with aliens to do.

 

But I am so scared that I got from this already schizophrenia. Please do you think I should go 2 time to the hospital? I am sorry for the content but I had to write it that the people can really advise me if still continue holding or running to the hospital. (I would like the most to run away somewhere else than to the hospital, but with the children my possibilities are really very limited). Thank you and sorry for these stupid thoughts.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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These doctors really distroyed me all my health. When I got first time to the hospital after caesarian delivery because of PGAD, each of the doctors dais they do not see anything, there is nothing like PGAD, and immediately that it is in my head. The only thing they checked was blood. And immediately they send there psychiatrist and neurologist and each one proposed only more psychiatric medicine, lyrica, anafranil, zyprexa. My head was ok, I tried to explain, but they seem only to want to get rid of uncomfortable patient. I did not want to take psychiatric medicine, so I did not take anafranil and zyprexa, and by lyrica I asked and they said this is not antidepressant and also not addictive. I thought it was like aspirin. It was also written on PGAD webside that it helps. So I took it. Terrible failure. Now I will have or maybe I have already mental disease from its withdrawal and also PGAD (even if my PGAD is much better).

 

I feel I am fighting, fighting and that I can not win it. And these doctors will also never stand for their failures. They say I had it always, I would be tidied up somewhere in the mental home, and they will continue treating further unlucky people who come under their hands.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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If I really come out of this, I will much more concentrate also to help other people. In prior I think I just never saw anyone´s suffering. I took it for granted, that all the people are feeling so good like me.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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That's really nice Martina..if I come out of this (I have no doubt you will as you were well as you say before), then I don't know if I could help people work with others in a mental health capacity (which is what I wanted to do yrs ago), it might just be too painful as I know how bad the suffering is..I may if I recover, want to be as far away from any mental health suffering as possible but then if I feel well then I may be able to do it. At this moment I cannot even imagine being well, never mind being able to help people..

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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Hey Martina, I am sorry to hear about your intrusive images and fears.  

 

I'm going to mention again the coffee - your nervous system is overstimulated, and coffee will slow the healing, and stimulate you too much.

 

I know, you say you cannot quit.  I am JanCarol, and I am a caffeine addict, too.  I am afraid to totally quit.  But I can take it very low without problems.  I can go to 1 cup of green tea, instead of coffee, now.  

 

You have discovered that it is unwise to taper the Lyrica yet.  But you can taper your caffeine - and still have your coffee.

 

From:  http://www.abc.net.au/health/library/stories/2006/04/27/1829125.htm

 

 

What How much caffeine?
Tea (black, green or white) 30 to 100mg (depending on type and strength of brew)
Coffee (instant) 150ml cup 60 to 100mg
Coffee (espresso) 150ml cup 40 to 90mg (depending on the beans used and the strength of the brew)
Coffee (drip-percolated) 150ml cup 100 to 150mg (depending on the beans used and the strength of the brew)
Coffee (decaffeinated) 150ml cup 3mg
Cocoa and hot chocolate drink 150ml 10 to 70mg (depending on type of chocolate used and the strength of the drink)
Chocolate bar - 30g 20 to 60mg Cola drink 375ml 35mg Energy drink 80mg (on average but there are some with up to 300mg)
Source: National Drug and Alcohol Research Centre, University New South Wales.

 

You may find that the caffeine is activating some of your problems, and that to reduce it will give relief.  There are many ways to do this:  go "half-caff" or half decaffeinated, and you can still have the same amount of coffee.  Or have smaller cups - like piccolo or macchiato (my barista tells me that a piccolo or macchiato in Europe, is decanted at a slightly cooler, shorter temperature, a ristretto, and is lower in acid and "smoother" caffeine).  Or half coffee, half tea.  

 

You see, every time I take a caffeine, I realize I am killing my adrenal glands.  Your situation is different.  But consider that when you have a caffeine, you may be stimulating yourself too much.  I choose to take caffeine, because I like to beat a dead horse - sometimes I cannot, just cannot, have enough energy to make it without - and I'm terrified of the withdrawal headaches.  But I can reduce, and be aware of my consumption.  

 

I've also learned that there are qualities of caffeine.  In my personal experience, I cannot take instant caffeine of any sort - it makes my heart race and hair grow and nerves go brittle.  It has to be brewed or pressed, or espresso.  (this goes for tea, too)

 

Even if it is only "busy work" to give you something to look at, count how many cups a day, and then see if that was a "good day" or a "bad" one.  It would be nice if you could reduce your symptoms with something so small.

 

Another topic to consider - that could slow your healing - is alcohol. Have we talked about drinking wine & beer & alcohol?  It will also slow the healing.  Maybe because of your babies, you are used to doing without, but take notice - if you do drink - does it have a difference on your symptoms?

 

* * *

You have a tendency to fall into "all or nothing."  This is the voice that says "NEVER" and "EVER" and "ALWAYS."  I can tell you one truth about these words, they are ALWAYS wrong! :P   There is always an exception to them.  When you hear yourself say "never" or "ever" or "always" or even "either this (good) or that (bad)" - consider the rainbow.  It is not black and white.  It is not always red, or never yellow.  There is another solution to the corner you paint.  I'm sure it is the chemical withdrawal helping you paint into a corner.  But you can walk through the paint and get blue feet - there is another way out.  Look for these "always/never" words and laugh at them.  It's not always black, it's never white, but what if it is paisley or polka dotted?

 

I hope this translates for you, it's a difficult concept.

 

* * *

You cannot "catch" schizophrenia.  You can experience psychosis and be normal.  You can experience psychosis and go to the hospital for medicine.  It's scary to experience; if you can avoid hospital, you avoid medication.  Horrible "manifestations" (I call them) are a symptom, not an indicator of any disease, or sickness, they are just a "manifestation," a symptom.  I believe Dave or Fresh said it.  "It's only a symptom."   

 

I'm guessing you avoided hospital this time - you are powerfully strong to have these intense experiences and stay "normal" in your life.  Working, marriage, children, even visits to historic spa!

 

* * *

I read the article you posted, it was a good article.  I was surprised to see that stuff in print, though knowledge of these evil drugs is becoming more widespread.  I would like to point out a few things from the article.

 

It mentioned that withdrawal depends on how long you were on the drug and at what dose.  You were only on for 2 years (many of us have decades of trouble to recover from) and you were on a moderate dose.  This is an awesome sign.  Also, the article didn't mention age - those of us who are older have more complications than younger people do.  It also did not address polydrugging, like Cdav mentions above.  You are on one drug.  This is also awesome!  Just one drug!   When you feel awful, just think:  Oh my!  It could've been 5 drugs!  Oh!  I am lucky!

 

Many symptoms were mentioned in that article, and you can be thankful - there were many there that you do not have!  I understand that the symptoms you do have are scary, intense and intrusive - but you have many reasons to hope.

 

And - you are motivated - you want to get well for your children!   You can do this!   The day will come when you will begin to perceive these intrusive thoughts as "memories" rather than intrusions.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Thank you JanCarol. No I did not go to the hospital. It is only the worst wave ever. It comes me that attacks my rational me. That I more tend to believe this staff is me than before and then get so much scared. I think also because I have at home children and if I would get psychosis, it would be catastroph. Because now I do not have any au-pair and I am with the children alone. I hate this all. I was always so non-violent person and now feel like possessed by demons. Sorry to say but I feel it like this. But thanks JanCarol, I appreciate very much that you took your time and answered me. I am at the moment on a really very bad place.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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But, JanCarol, when you mean that even psychosis would disappear and I would be like before, I decided that I will start again be active in my life. I will start again to learn for the exams to be a tax advisor and make sport and travel. I am curious, how long will I stay so positive, I presume until next wave...

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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I continue to feel really very bad. My thoughts are one catastroph. I imagine my brain is looking for balance but made it on a very bad place, actually on the place where are all these bad thoughts. I was feeling today in the morning already that I again considered to go to the psychiatry rather than go working. Maybe it has something to do with my tapering, but I went from 50 mg/day only to 47,5 mg where I am holding. I can not even imagine that the brain notices such a slight change. I am close to psychosis. And after 4,5 months of such hell I dont know how is this all possible, from normal psychically healthy person due to one medicine to a total nuts person. I am confused and afraid that damaged for life.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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Sorry Martina..me too..in very bad place xx

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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Maybe look at it that yes it is looking for balance, it has landed in wrong place but it will eventually find the right place..

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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I know where is the right place, this was already two or three days ago, where it landed right, where it was me, for 10 seconds other so, I was already looking forward, and then now it went totally wrong direction and stayed there sitting.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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Yeah I know..like it's not possible to fixate on anything else,,

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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