Moderator Emeritus JanCarol Posted February 21, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 21, 2015 Moonlite, if you can read, go here: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/index.html and work through some exercises, whether self soothing, or mindfulness, or distress tolerance. There's a section called "lessons" where you can work through some stuff. also consider, as part of your mindfulness, Youtube. (there are TONS of mindfulness vids on Youtube). Here is just one: Jon Kabat-Zinn Mindfulness for Stress reduction 15 min Take this time to learn something of your condition. Keep a log of your different symptoms, using words to describe things that you may have never described before. Remember your epsom salts baths. Remember to take walks, even just 10 minutes a day is better than nothing. Here is a guided meditation for acceptance and survival of your symptoms: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8218-a-calming-guided-breathing-exercise-for-symptom-acceptance/ Petunia says: Each day you survive, you get stronger. You are stronger than the drugs. I encourage you to find more quotes like this in Best of SA: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6447-best-of-sa/ Maybe try some yoga: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5858-brief-and-lovely-morning-yoga-for-the-challenged-nervous-system-httpwpmep5nnb-awf/ Or maybe you would like to try some ecstatic dance? http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6153-ecstatic-dance-trance-and-movement-for-healing-and-transformation The important thing is to be patient, to be gentle with yourself, and to wait. Wait. and wait some more, until you see your next window. That you have seen one is a huge plus - because at first the windows are short, while the waves are intense and long. But gradually, over time, the windows will last longer, and come more often. And that brings hope that your nervous system is balancing, healing. "Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again. My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices. A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia. CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013. Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine). Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 - Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years on Lithium). Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made. The tedious thread (my intro): JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium The happy thread (my success story): JanCarol - Undiagnosed Off all bipolar drugs My own blog: https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/ I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016! Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 (((MLL))) You're going to be fine. This is temporary. Keep reminding yourself over and over again. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 I try to do positive affirmations and self soothing techniques such as epsom salt baths and meditation. I do all that that pretty much everyday. I really like the guided meditation because then I can just listen to what is being said and it's easier to distract my mind. Right now I have the flu and withdrawal so I've been hit with a double whammy. I'm more beat down than I usually would be. I think my fever broke last night though so I'm hoping to recover from the flu here soon and maybe I will feel less hopeless. Sometimes it's hard to stay positive. I appreciate your guy's reassurance. It means so much to know you understand. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I will check out the links you posted Jan. I like that you posted one about dance I do like to dance! Lol. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Frustrated Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 Ooh the flu. I went through that a few weeks ago. It makes WD that much worse. Sorry you are suffering through this. Hope you feel better very soon. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 Thank you frustrated. I am feeling better today so far. I was in rough shape yesterday... I felt like I was dying. My body ached so bad that even the bottoms of my feet ached. I've never ached so bad. I haven't had the flu in YEARS probably since I was a teenager. Icky flu bugs :/ I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 Is our brain healing during sleep? I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 (((Fug))) According to this forum, and everything else I've read, the majority of our healing takes place while we sleep. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 That's what I was wondering. Because it seems like the days differ just by sleep. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Babs Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Glad to hear you're feeling a little better. The flu sucks!! I can't even imagine having it in withdrawal. Paxil 20mg 1994-2005Tried to quit twice, finally did it on my 3rd attempt in 2005. I went from 20mg to zero in about four months, believing at the time that it was a reasonable taper. It wasn't. I suffered mostly emotional symptoms: frequent episodes of "anxious depression" lasting for about 17 months before it got noticeably better. Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 Yeah it was rough but I seem to be having another small window today! not as great as I felt Monday but fuctioning. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted February 25, 2015 Author Share Posted February 25, 2015 I've noticed that my waves and windows are sporadic right now. I definitely had a two day window last week and since then I've had the flu and a wave at the same time. I'm still in a wave but I'm experiencing windows too. Is that common to experience windows in a wave or is a window when the wave ends and its on to the next wave? Seems like my windows and waves are either longer or shorter, it's all over the place. I felt crappy all day the day before yesterday and then felt better in the morning except I had an emotional wave and then bam a window for a few hours then started to feel icky again around bed time and I feel Blah again today. But who knows I could have a window tonight. I feel like I get more windows than I was a few months ago maybe. It seemed like a few months ago I was sick all the time and might get a day window but was mostly sick. That was in December on New Years. It's just kinda confusing right now. I'm trying to figure out if I can see progress but it's confusing. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 At least you're getting windows. Good sign. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Babs Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 Withdrawal is often described as a "rollercoaster" which is pretty accurate. And everyone's personal rollercoaster seems to be different! I never really used the terms windows and waves as I was going through it, I just had good days and bad days, or partial days, which sounds like what you're experiencing. Paxil 20mg 1994-2005Tried to quit twice, finally did it on my 3rd attempt in 2005. I went from 20mg to zero in about four months, believing at the time that it was a reasonable taper. It wasn't. I suffered mostly emotional symptoms: frequent episodes of "anxious depression" lasting for about 17 months before it got noticeably better. Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted February 26, 2015 Author Share Posted February 26, 2015 Yeah I agree Babs it does seem like it just depends on the day. It's kinda hard to tell progress that way though. Am I just going to wake up one day and be better? Lol. I wish! I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 I'm starting the get the troubled breathing after eating symptom again. It's my worst symptom. I keep avoiding just getting thru it because everytine it would start again is when I tried reinstatment. Now that I know that's not an option I just have to get thru it. I noticed that chamomile lavender lemon balm tea seems to help with it or make it stop. So I will probably be drinking that like a fish now. Anyone have any other techniques for coping with breathing issues. I do meditation and breathing exercises too. Laying down when it happens helps. But the tea seems to be the best so far. How long did breathing issues last for others? I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted February 27, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 27, 2015 Getting sick with things like the flu can often make withdrawal symptoms worse, as you get over the flu, I think your breathing issues will probably settle down again too. I seem to remember that theelt712 had similar symptoms for a while, maybe you could read through her topic, she's doing really well now. I like lavender tea too, it smells as good as it tastes I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 I hope it settles down because it's so scary. Sometimes I get it all day long and it's so exhausting to feel like you can't breathe normal for that long. I've had my lungs tested and they were very good so I know this has to just be a very annoying withdrawal symptom. Thank you petunia I did read her topic. Sounds very much like what I have too. It's like I can function more without the breathing issue but then when I get it. It's debilitating and makes me not want to do anything but lay there. Not sure if the flu exacerbated it or if it was bound to happen because it's been trying to rear its ugly head anyway. Either way I hope it passes soon. This is the one symptom that makes me think how the hell am I going to survive this. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 I think I'm headed into a bad wave. I just have a feeling. all I want to do is lay in my bed. I started tracking my symptoms. Today I have: Loud ear ringing Fatigue Dizzy Shortness of breath Nausea Slight adrenaline/body zap feeling Diarrhea I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 Let's add muscle weakness to that. I'm so scared I'm going to get worse....I feel like this is the wave that was bound to happen after trying to reinstate. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 Someone please talk to me... This is the worst Ive felt in a while. What if I made myself worse from trying to reinstate and now that the small dose of prozac is out of my system (because it takes a while to with the long half life) I am feeling worse. I don't think my windows were real windows I almost feel like they were just induced from the tiny tiny bit of medicine in my system. But I can't reinstate because that makes me incredibly suck too. I'm trying to cope I really am. I've done meditation today I've taken a bath and tried watching a movie. I just can't stop feeling freaked out and sick. Even my throat feels tight and weird. I dunno how I'm going to get thru this. My life feels so ruined. I feel like no one cares about me. I even feel like an outcast on this site. God please help me. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted February 28, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 28, 2015 Hang in there Moonlight, its a wave and it will pass. Waves are part of the recovery process for everyone, we have to do what we need to do to get through them. If meditation, taking a bath and watching a movie got you through a few hours, do more of that. The wave will pass when its ready to go, until then, do what you can to stay calm. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8218-a-calming-guided-breathing-exercise-for-symptom-acceptance/ I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 (((((Moonlite))))) I care about you. Lots of people do. You're going to be okay. Just stay calm so you don't pour gasoline on a fire. I have all your symptoms 24/7, every day for 4 months since I CT'd. I'm told I am early in this process and will see improvement in 6 months or so and that's horrifying to me. But what can we do? We can't force the process. Believe me, I've tried every supplement, food, warm bath, dark room, meditation CD, YouTube relaxation videos, you name it. Nada, nothing, nil, kaput, fuggedaboudit! TIME is the only solution. The things I mentioned above may help a little with the symptoms. They may not. But you're gonna be okay. Just try to stay calm and quiet. Think about the things you CAN do, not the things you can't. You're going to get through this. You'll heal. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Why do you feel like an outcast? ((Hug)) 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Thank you everyone. I appreciate it so much when someone talks to me. I'm home alone most of my days and it's just hard to be stuck with myself. I'm sure you guys can relate to that. I'm not allowed to post anywhere else in any thread but my thread or participate like everyone else so it's like being locked in a jail cell. If I do post anywhere else I get a warning. :/ Not really sure when or if I will be able to participate again. So yeah that's why I feel like an outcast. I'm the black sheep of my online support group. I guess because I have said things or stuck up for myself and that wasn't acceptable. When I first started here I was very scared and freaking out and was making new posts and things when I wasn't supposed to. I dunno. But I don't think being "locked" away is gonna help my healing. I hope I don't get another warning for this post... I already have two. Is there anything that helps with the muscle weakness? I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Petunia thank for that video. I forgot about it. It's very soothing a helpful. I need to listen to it more for sure. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Purplestars22 Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 When you feel overwhelmed with your symptoms or how you are feeling know that it is temporary and it will pass. Try to repeat positive mantras and bring mindfulness/acceptance when you feel low. The withdrawal process is very sporadic and remember the natural outcome of withdrawal is recovery. You have your whole life ahead of you this will only be a small chapter of your life. I hope you see better days ahead. Celexa 20mg 2008-2012 for Social Anxiety Failed attempt to stop reinstated 1 year taper skipping doses Celexa free 12/2013 1/2014-5/2014 took 5 htp every other day Failed Reinstatement 5mg of Celexa on 12/2014 for 5 days only Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Thank you purplestar! I am working on acceptance and mindfulness. It's been hard! I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Tell the mods how you feel and ask them how to post without getting a warning. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 At what point in withdrawal do you know your not going to get worse? I'm at 6 months now. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Frustrated Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Sorry but I don't know if you ever know. I am at 8 months and I never know what I am waking up to. Of course everyone is different. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Lookingforhope55 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I don't know you, but I hope you and all others get some relief Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 Thanks lookingforhope I appreciate that. I hope that for everyone else too. No one deserves to go thru this. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted March 1, 2015 Administrator Share Posted March 1, 2015 Moonlite has received guidance from us about posting and disregarded it twice. Moonlite, you may participate here by posting in your topic. You can carry on conversations with your friends here. Please don't complain about the restrictions. You were on a trajectory to accumulate warnings. Four warnings and you would be banned. No more arguments about this. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 I was new and freaking out about my situations with reinstatment and just this whole withdrawal thing in general. I didn't know how to cope with symptoms (still am learning) and I hadn't reached acceptace over the fact that I'm going to have to go through this. I don't really feel that Alto has been very compassionate towards me from the beginning. She always told me she was getting annoyed with me or didn't have patience for this. I wasn't trying to be annoying or repetitive. I was trying to get answers and usually only one answer was given to one question but not the others so I would ask again. Then when I felt attacked by how harsh Alto was talking to me and not being patient towards me. I felt I needed to stick up for myself. Now I'm on her bad side. I don't really feel that being treated as an outcast is helpful to my recovery. I feel as though Alto is waiting for reasons to give me more warnings to get me banned from the site. I don't feel welcomed here. I am considering leaving actually since we seem to clash. If I decide to leave I really want all of my stuff deleted permanently. I don't just want to do the whole not logging in thing. I want it deleted. I don't think I deserve to be talked to or treated as I have and I wish I would have had a more compassionate experience on here. Some of you have been very kind to me and there are those who has been a great great help. I thank you so much. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Moonlitelotus Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 Can symptoms change? Can you get symptoms you didn't have before? I'm having new symptoms like muscle weakness and it's making me nervous because I didn't have it before. I started out on zoloft 50 mg or 20mg (can't remember at that point) and was on it for a few months then decided I didn't want to take it because of the side effects so I cold turkey'd it and then was miserable and reinstated and all my symptoms went away and I felt normal. Stayed on it for a while tried lexapro 5mg for a month or two instead to see if I had less side effects. Then switched back to zoloft 20mg I think and weaned down to 6mg and jumped off too soon because it supposedly wasn't a "therapeutic dose" and was told it would be ok. Then I was going through withdrawal again so I reinstated again after about a month I switched to prozac because it's easier to wean off of supposedly. Weaned off over 9 month from 8mg Prozac. Then two months after stopping it on September 2, 2014. I went into withdrawal. 18 months off as of March 2, 2016 Link to comment
Frustrated Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I have muscle weakness and pain. Because we have all been locked away for months I wonder how much vit D plays into this as well. I am taking 4500 iu of vit D now with magnesium. Hoping curing any deficiency will help ease the symptoms. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
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