Cipramillion Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 Hi, Amy! Im sorry to hear about the situation conserning your mother. Things like that always adds some extra stress in an already callenging period. Sending warm thoughts and wishes. Hugs! <p>Sept 2015: 5 mg Cipralex for 3 weeks. Lots of side effects. Reduced to 2.5 mg for 2 weeks. Experiencing withdrawal and side effects still after dose reduction. Quit after almost 4 weeks on 2.5 mg because of adverse effects. Experiencing withdrawal symptoms still. Reinstating 1mg after 3 weeks. Reduced to 0.50 after 2 days due to sensitive reaction (dysautonomia) and trip to ER. January 2016: After 14 months of tapering from 0.5 mg im now down to 0.08mg. Planing on one more drop before 4-8 weeks healing, then jump to zero. 14.03.17: Lexapro free! Link to comment
Hibari Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 Thinking of you Amy. I took care of my mom too and it's an act of love that can be stressful. I'm glad you are swimming and managing to handle your remaining but not permanent symptoms. H 9/2013-4/2014: After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro, Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs 1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs 7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021 Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize 10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6 6/16 3.4 6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7 7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0 9/5 1.8 9/16 1.6 9/30 1.4 10/13 1.2 10/26 1.0 11/9 0.8 11/22 0.6 12/6 0.4 12/23 0.2. 2024 1/4/24 Remeron/Mirtazapine free Additional Support: Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs, L-theanine Link to comment
AmyK Posted August 12, 2017 Author Share Posted August 12, 2017 Thankyou, dear friends. <3 Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
AmyK Posted August 28, 2017 Author Share Posted August 28, 2017 Well, the move of my mother (including decorating and furnishing the room in a pleasant way) went well but sent me into a wave afterwards. There is so much anxiety and sorrow in this. I miss her and feel like I have abandonned her (almost like I have abandonned a child...) I knew this was going to be hard on me. After the biggest tensions left, brain fog is heavy together with burning skin and heavy heart. I hope it will calm down soon. Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted August 28, 2017 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 28, 2017 I'm sorry, Amy. It's such a hard position to be in. To the extent you can be compassionate to yourself. There are no good answers. Hope you feel feel better soon. Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted August 28, 2017 Moderator Share Posted August 28, 2017 (((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))) 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
LexAnger Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 Hi Amy, I'm very sorry for the draw back! The time and patience and faith this healing process is simply unbelievable. But it will pass and you will bounce back again. You are in my prayer for a quick recovery from this hit. if it's possible, try to avoid anything that might be stimulating for as long as possible until your system is more stable and try to be surrounded by positive, peaceful and happy environment. Big hugs, lex Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
Hibari Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 I hear you Amy, it is a period of transition for you and your mom. It brings up deep feelings that under the circumstances make sense. Our nervous systems are still so sensitive at this time but I know you will pass through this. 9/2013-4/2014: After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro, Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs 1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs 7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021 Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize 10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6 6/16 3.4 6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7 7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0 9/5 1.8 9/16 1.6 9/30 1.4 10/13 1.2 10/26 1.0 11/9 0.8 11/22 0.6 12/6 0.4 12/23 0.2. 2024 1/4/24 Remeron/Mirtazapine free Additional Support: Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs, L-theanine Link to comment
AmyK Posted August 30, 2017 Author Share Posted August 30, 2017 Thankyou, all. <3 A little, little better today. But head ache is strong. I really have to rest and don't let catastrophe thoughts take over. They are not needed! Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Gridley Posted August 30, 2017 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 30, 2017 I had to move my father to an Alzheimers facility. I too felt like I was abandoning him. It is so hard and I wasn't in WD at the time. Please take care of yourself. Light and healing to you, AmyK. You are healing every day. Gridley Introduction Lexapro 20 mg since 2004. Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017. End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg Oct. 30, 2020 Jump to zero from 0.025mg. Current dose: 0.000mg 3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete. Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium End 2021 year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper. Taper is 95% complete. Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986. Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper. Current dose as of April 1: 6.8mg Taper is 91% complete. Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. Link to comment
AmyK Posted August 30, 2017 Author Share Posted August 30, 2017 Dear Gridley, thankyou for your kind words and healing thoughts. It is such a cruel disease, Alzheimers. I am sorry your father has it too. Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
Flowers Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Thinking of you Amy. Such a difficult time without WD to contend with as well. I know it seems like it but you haven't really abandoned your mum - you are making sure she is well cared for and safe. My mum didn't have Alzheimers but I had to put her into a care home when she was terminally ill with cancer. I wasn't in WD but it was so hard to leave her there. It took some getting used to but I got better peace of mind in the end not having to worry about her being at home alone etc. I hope that things get easier for you as time goes on - with your mum and WD. Love and hugs Flowers xxx 15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM. MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT. JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month. 28.5 mgs FEB Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs . JUNE 24 mgs . JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to 22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed. 13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize 1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at 50 mgs at night. Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. XANAX Jan 27 - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover. Feb 14 2019 Updosed Xanax by .0625 Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily. Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM 20mg taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm. XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night. LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight. SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm. 7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm. 2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19 .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg x 2. 23.1.20 .23 mg x 2. 20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20 .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2. 18.6.20 .11mg x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2. 2.12.20 .06 mg x 2. 8.1.21 .05 mg x 2. 4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2. 7.4.21 .02 mg x 2. 9.5.21 .01 mg x 2. 21.6.21 .01 mg x 1. 11.8.21 ZERO! Link to comment
AmyK Posted September 1, 2017 Author Share Posted September 1, 2017 Thankyou for your input and kind thoughts, Flowers. I appreciate your reply so much. It's good to remind myself that we did this both for my mum - and dad. She lived with him. But she was getting so bad and had so much needs that he couldn't cope anymore without getting exhausted and sick himself. According to dad she is adjusting well. A little better today. This wave felt so much like my burnout ten years ago (heavy exhaustion) and I really have to calm myself down and take it day by day. And not let the catastrophe thinking take over. We will heal, right? Love to all. Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
myndfull Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 Amy -- For me, when I'm in a cycle of withdrawal, the symptoms distort how I understand the world. My brain lights a fire and then I worry that I can't find any way that will help me to put the fire out. It seems to me what you're doing for your mother is just what any caring person would do. The feelings you have about abandonment are natural, perhaps normal. I've felt them myself in regards to my own mother. But you see your involvement through a wave's distortion. Your thinking, as you say, is "catastrophic." The situation you describe isn't catastrophic. When I'm thinking catastrophically--that fire inside my head--I talk myself down by remembering the most important insights that my withdrawal experience has taught me: This, too, shall pass. Everything will be okay. Time heals all wounds. It's bad for a while but then it gets better. Treat yourself well so that you can help others. Stay strong. I had tried and failed to stop Paxil several times (though never using a long, slow taper) and thought Celexa might be easier, so I shifted to Celexa in 2012. In August of 2014 I began a serious tapered withdrawal from Celexa (20 mg.), making monthly drops, mostly 10% of the last dose, sometimes more, sometimes less. In July of 2016 I took an early retirement at 59 in large part because of my intense withdrawal symptoms. Three years and eight months after beginning my taper, I stopped taking Celexa on 5/12/18. I am currently in recovery and I am very slowly getting better. I still have waves and some are quite bad. But overall the trend is toward healing. Link to comment
AmyK Posted September 1, 2017 Author Share Posted September 1, 2017 Spot on, Myndfyll! You are definitely right. I get really scared and distorted in a wave. I tell everyone else that waves pass, but to tell myself is something else... Thankyou for your kind reminder. I believe in those bold sentences, I really do. It felt good to read them. Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
ladybug Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 I'm so sorry, Amy. I know, for me personally, mom stuff is a huge trigger. A couple of months ago my mom had a health emergency where she was bedridden for over a week and the stress and guilt of that definitely sent me into a wave. I felt immense guilt that I had moved out and couldn't help her like she needed and all the doomsday what ifs sent me into a tailspin. I feel like most of the time I'm barely coping with WD on a daily basis and so when "real life" stressors are put on top of that I feel I just can't cope the way someone normal could. I wish I could give you the right words to comfort you but I do know that my wave passed and yours will too and the amazing thing is that you are finally off these poisons and truly healing so you will have many wonderful days ahead of you. You will get through this and your mom is lucky to have such a wonderful, empathetic daughter. ((Hugs)) a.k.a JMarie Paxil since Mar.1998 2006-2007:40-20mg 2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg 2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg 2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg 1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg 6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg 1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg 7/31/18: 3.9mg Link to comment
AmyK Posted September 3, 2017 Author Share Posted September 3, 2017 Thankyou, dear Ladybug. You are right, this was the biggest life stressor (outside WD) since years and the combination made WD so much worse. Mum has been sick for years, and I was very anxious about the move, because I didn't know how she would react. At first she was very angry towards us. But it has been better than expected. And I believe she is taken well care of. It's such a nice, and new, place. But it sure was tough. I will come out of this wave, I already feel a little better. I also realize (even more) the seriousness of WD and how one have to be very careful with stress while tapering and after zero. But life stressors happen... I take it extremely slow now. Read books, take walks and relax. Take care, many hugs! Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
LexAnger Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 Been thinking about you Amy. Thankful that you are feeling better. hugs, lex Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
AmyK Posted September 4, 2017 Author Share Posted September 4, 2017 Thankyou, Lex! Hugs back! Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
caperjackie Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 Amy ...... truly sorry about your mother. Last summer I had to fly to England, place mother in a home (not her wish) and empty and dispose of her house. It took me over 2 months to recover from the trauma and stress of it and I am six years off Paxil. I cannot imagine the toll it took on you while still early in your WD journey. If possible be kind to yourself ..... indulge in rest days guilt free and do whatever you need to do in order to give your mind and body a chance to recover. Remember always that the MOST important thing is that your mother is safe ....... with this condition that has to be the top priority. Take care ....... XXX Link to comment
AmyK Posted September 4, 2017 Author Share Posted September 4, 2017 It was very tough, both physically and mentally. Thankyou very much for your concern and kindest thoughts, Caperjackie. I slept for several hours during the day today. Take care you too, hugs! Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
AmyK Posted September 10, 2017 Author Share Posted September 10, 2017 Slowly better. The stressed feeling and exhaustion is fading. But I have this inner sensation of "acid" in my brain and body. It's connected to burning skin and also brain fog. If this goes I would be so much more happy. It's depressing. Patience, I know. Some hours I get relief from this, that's a good sign. How do you get by the trauma of ssri/WD? I have a long way back to a place in society again, finding a new job etc. It adds to my depressed feelings. How can one forgive (oneself, doctors, Big Pharma...) and get on with life? I would love some input on this. Take care, all. Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted September 10, 2017 Moderator Share Posted September 10, 2017 Hi Amy-- I sorry to hear that you're having such a tough time right now. The situation with Mum isn't helping, I went through similar with both of my parents. We do what we can, but some times we just need a lot of outside help. It's not our fault, it's just the way things are, and they usually end up getting a lot better care than we can provide alone. Still it's really rough to have to do. ((((((((HUGS))))))) I find "forgiveness" to be quite overrated. It's more a way for the perpetrator to live with what they've done than for the victim to find closure. To me it negates the indignation and violation we feel and have to come to terms with. In the end it comes down to acceptance of things we can't change and moving on in spite of them. It's now all in the past, we have to live with the results and there's nothing we can do but try to make the best of it. Feeling sorry for one's self is a luxury that should only be sampled in small amounts and not very often, it's highly addictive and very hard to break out of. Besides, we have more important things to do. Post WD adjustment is like WD itself, it will take some time to sort itself out, but we will all get there. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
AmyK Posted September 11, 2017 Author Share Posted September 11, 2017 Big whining in my last post. I know, acceptance is the key. Thankyou, Tom. Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
Hibari Posted September 12, 2017 Share Posted September 12, 2017 Hi Amy, I think it's hard to have perspective when you've been in a stressful time. I know when I am overwhelmed or not feeling well, my optimism drops But when I feel rested and not stressed, I do feel optimistic about life no matter what I have gone through. I remember reading a few weeks ago your joy and pleasure about swimming again. You were in a good place and you will find that again. This experience changes us and not all of it, from my humble perspective, is for the worse. Do I wish the medication numbness, or the medication withdrawal of physical and mental horror on anyone? No, not at all. But what I have discovered about myself, the strength, persistence and trust of my body is something I didn't know as well before this meds journey. It is the hero's journey and no heroine escapes without going through something deep within themselves before coming out on the other side. You wise words have comforted me quite a bit throughout my withdrawal Amy and I know you will find your center again. 9/2013-4/2014: After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro, Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs 1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs 7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021 Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize 10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6 6/16 3.4 6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7 7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0 9/5 1.8 9/16 1.6 9/30 1.4 10/13 1.2 10/26 1.0 11/9 0.8 11/22 0.6 12/6 0.4 12/23 0.2. 2024 1/4/24 Remeron/Mirtazapine free Additional Support: Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs, L-theanine Link to comment
LexAnger Posted September 12, 2017 Share Posted September 12, 2017 I'm sorry Amy you have to go through all these.lately! I'm loosing words many times trying to provide some comfort. Hibari said it so well and talked my minds! I know you know so well and have the faith deep down in your heart that all these agony will melt down once the brain finds its home state again. We say this all the time and once more, a bit more time, and patience. very incredible, I know. lots love and big hugs! lex Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
AmyK Posted September 22, 2017 Author Share Posted September 22, 2017 Thankyou Hibari and Lex. It feels like I have entered a second phase three months after zero. Morning anxiety is gone (hurray!), but I have been having vertigo, which is new. Even more headache. And insanely tired, could sleep ten hours in a row. But maybe I need it. But I also have had a few good days. Especially hours after yoga class and the day after. Those days are a bliss. They are also a sign that yoga (kundalini) is the way for me. (I was quite reassured when I saw that Kelly Brogan also spoke about kundalini yoga, how good it can be in recovering and finding health.) Step by step... Take care all. Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
LexAnger Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 So sorry Amy you got vertigo as a new symptom, I hope it's mild and short lived. headache is a WD symptom getting my knees down. I can endure other symptoms not being able to do anything and just lying in bed but the pain can be so profound and purely intolerable. I hope yours is not as bad. both can be the continuous refining of the system. It can't be no end, you are farther from the process everyday! More good days are on the way until good day for everyday! hugs, lex Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
AmyK Posted September 23, 2017 Author Share Posted September 23, 2017 FSL, thankyou for stopping by and your kind input. We have to be very kind to oneself, that is right. And try just to move on. I hope you are welll. Bless you to. hugs, Amy Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
AmyK Posted September 23, 2017 Author Share Posted September 23, 2017 Lex, I am dealing with it. It's ok. I guess I am impatient though. I want to heal quicker. Hugs, Amy Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
AmyK Posted October 2, 2017 Author Share Posted October 2, 2017 I am having a hard time being positive. I wish I could. I am drug free and should be more content, but I still have a lot of physical symtoms that lead me to crying and despair. Mostly it's the burning, dizzy feeling in my brain. Metallic taste in the mouth, brain fog and sometimes nauseous. Head ache is better. It's 3.5 months now. I guess one have to be very patient. Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted October 2, 2017 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 2, 2017 4 hours ago, AmyK said: I am having a hard time being positive. I wish I could. I am drug free and should be more content, but I still have a lot of physical symtoms that lead me to crying and despair. Amy, Don't ever burden yourself with how you "should" feel. How you feel is how you feel and after what you (and all of us) have been through, you are entitled to feel some anger, frustration, despair, etc. The fact that some things are improving will hopefully serve as a sign to you that you are healing and will get there -- it just takes so long. It is very difficult and feels so overwhelming at times. Hang in there. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 Sending my best wishes AmyK. Hope you will feel better soon! Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
Hibari Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 Hi Amy, I'm sorry you are having a hard time. It continues to surprise me how long this process of healing is around these medications. I too, am struggling but I have to believe that it will get better. You will and are getting better. It's hard to believe during these drop downs but it is a step by step process. Be gentle and know that it will shift eventually as it has before. 9/2013-4/2014: After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro, Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs 1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs 7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021 Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize 10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6 6/16 3.4 6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7 7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0 9/5 1.8 9/16 1.6 9/30 1.4 10/13 1.2 10/26 1.0 11/9 0.8 11/22 0.6 12/6 0.4 12/23 0.2. 2024 1/4/24 Remeron/Mirtazapine free Additional Support: Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs, L-theanine Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted October 2, 2017 Moderator Share Posted October 2, 2017 Hi Amy-- I wish it all ended when we hit "0" but all we do is transfer to a different phase. It would be so wonderful if it was an instant feel better situation. We've laid the ground work and removed all the obstacles, now we have to make it through the final healing process. This is the part that nobody talks about, everyone disappears when they make the jump so we have very little information to go on. But we do know it gets better from here. It's so frustrating to have to face yet another round of symptoms and having to cope with things when we've done everything right to this point. I truly thought things would be a lot better this far out. In a way they are, as I can feel my RecoveryNormal level rising every week. But still I'm disappointed that I'm having to cope with more waves and other symptoms, and I know you are too. I started my taper six years ago last week, enough all ready. I've put in the time and just want it over with. (vent, rant, rave) Now that my head is clearing for extended periods of time I can look back and realize the enormity of what has happened over the past years and the years leading up to the taper. It's totally boggling. Finally I can start to let down and let it all seep in and work through it a little bit at a time. I can realize what I've accomplished, not just the WD but in life while the WD was happening. I'm very upset that I went through it, but at the same time very pleased that I have prevailed, or rather that I am prevailing and will recover in the end. Sorry Amy, in typical SA style I've gone and made my supportive post more about what I'm experiencing than you. Pay attention to your waves and RecoveryNormal level and you'll know that things are improving. The waves and upticks in symptoms can be really frustrating, but as each wave dies back the beach will be cleaner and the next wave won't rise as high. (((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) Brass 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
LexAnger Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 I'm so sorry Amy it takes longer than we would hope! Such a test to the extreme patience making us feel it's no end! it will change as you know so well, and hope a wide and long window opens up for you like a miracle with all these nasty symptoms lift up along with great spirit, im holding your hands. We will get through the last stage as we did all these years! There has to be an end and with such time already giving, it has to be right in the corner! Sending you positive healing energy, love and many big hugs!!! lex Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
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