Freedom15: reinstated amitriptyline after CT by doctor

[Freedom15]

No i have not read anything about water theraphy.

 

I would think tho untill i manage to get off the medication whould it be possible to start doing that ?

 

 

[Freedom15]

Bad wave again last night.. Shacking, SI, pacing, unable to stay in house..

 

Seems to have gone again today.

 

 

[Freedom15]

Back in another wave again today..

 

Doesn't feel like i am getting alot break between the waves at momnent.

 

 

[Freedom15]

Spoke to my Doctor today about continuing on with the withdraewl and how my wife is unable to deal with th symptoms.

 

Her only thought was going to residential treatment.

 

Yet there is no residential treatment to get you off these meds so back to square one.

 

Holding for now with all the stuff going on at home and now my pending PIP reassessment.

 

The waves seem to have got alot less altho the contiuing side effects meds are still yucky..

[Freedom15]

Struggling right now with life on life's terms.

 

The current pressures of filling in the PIP documents and getting them back on time.

 

Being a parent to 2 children and being in a marriage that is failing is really pushing me to the limits.

 

The ongoing effects of the meds is just making me feel horrible.

 

Have committed not to reduce again till at least the kids are back at school.

 

Just trying to stay focused with everything is really hard at the moement.

[Freedom15]

Still holding a the current dose.

 

Managed to get the PIP documents written with help of a couple of my friends.

 

Home life has deteriorated unfortunatly.

 

My marriage is on the verge of finishing and i have been asked to move out to a place of my own.

 

Trying to take each day as it comes and stay as least stressed as possible.

 

At least the arguments have stoppe dand this has ment that i am not getting some many waves now.

 

Having to get some reading glass's made up to help with the side effect of blurry vision.

 

Should proberbly done that along time ago but did not think anything could be done to help in thsi area becasue it's medicaion induced.

 

Will reduce again in the next 1-2 months and hold again for upto 5 months.

 

Seems the time scale i can do at moment.

 

[Freedom15]

Rooms have been seperated out at home.

 

I am sleeping better now the kids are not up all night and feeling less stressed and overloaded now alot argunig has stopped.

 

I have edecided to do another reduction as my ultimate goal is to get off this drug so continuing on slowly.

 

Even tho i know its a side effect odf the drugs that my eyes are blurry i had them tested and some reading glass's made up.

 

At least i can see a bit better to read now altho they are not perfect.

 

Hoping once i am fully of the medication that my eyes go back to pre meds as i had no issues with them before that.

 

Finding somehwere to move out to feels a bit upsetting at times..

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

This reduction seems to have been a little beter.

 

I think it's because of the fact i am not getting broken sleep when kids are here and that i am not so angry it has helped with me feeling better within it. 

 

It's still been difficult but no where as near what it was with having waves of symptoms all time.

 

Also maybe the longer holds have been helping with the overalll stability.

 

Going to hold for bit again and then continue on with reductions.

 

I am still 100% commited to getting off this stuff.

 

[Freedom15]

Was having a really good day out in the sun today with a friend.

 

Got home and started to notice i was getting hit by shacking and feeling bit ruff so it seems that the waves are starting again after this last reduction.

 

I think it will be alot easier this time as the argueing has stopped at home and i am feeling in alot more calmer place over all at the moment.

 

Hopefully it will just be day or 2..

 

Have been feeling alot more hopeful that i will make it of the drugs longterm and that my slow long reduction will set the foundation for that.

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Managed to break my toe thursday so went to the hospital today..

 

The guy in triage asked me if i was on any medication.

 

I told him about the amitriptaline situation.

 

He seemed to be fully aware this was a rubbish drug to get off and wished me luck as he said it was horrific stuff to get off.

 

Why is it that certain members of the NHS seem to know the truth yet the doctors will not admit that these meds are mostly posions to people.

 

I just felt a bit angry and like i was lied to again in the first place.

 

Holding after my recent reduction.

 

Still getting waves of symptoms and not feeling well.

 

A lot stress still happening at home and wth family matters.

 

 

[Freedom15]

Feeling a little better in the reducton again.

 

 The sedative numbness in mornings and throu the day is reallly getting me down still.

 

I am gettnig waves on anxiety but they calm as day go's on.

 

Also my eye sight is so bad in the mornings everything is blurry.

 

Got another 3 weeks i think of emd smade up so will see about another reduction after that.

 

Still got vary heavy stuff at home going on.

 

 

[Freedom15]

7 more days till my next reduction.

 

reducing the tablet now so it's the home run.

 

Having to hold for 2-3 months so still at least year till i am able to  get off i would think.

 

 

[Freedom15]

I have started my next reduction.

 

This is the complex stuff..

 

7.5mg diluted in 1950ml water and 0.02mg taken out of the solution.

 

The 0.02mg is then added to further 2000ml water and..

 

Finally 0.02mg taken from that solution which is the final dose to be taken.

 

I really am unsure what that works out to in mg now mega small but still potent stuff..

 

I do know it will be a 25% reduction from the prvious dose.

 

On life on life's terms my marriage has failed and i am looking for new housing tomorrow.

 

It was on the cards for long time now but has really progressed whilst in the lockdown and pandemic.

 

 

 

 

[Mia1]

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with the loss of your marriage on top on w/d. I wish you the best for your recovery.

[Freedom15]

Starting to get signs of feeling alittle better in the last reduction.

 

Feel vary tired tho.

 

Been out looking for a new place to live which i am having to do withij th elimits of how i am feeling.

 

Found somewhere i liked but did not fit the renting criteria unfortunatly.

 

Will keep looking..

[Freedom15]

Seems like i am in and outof symptoms all the time at moment.

 

Just tired of being ill it's really taking it toll on my ability to do tihngs at moment. 

 

I have been getting alot of heart pallputations and feeling like i am going ot faint.

 

Hopefully it will go.

 

 

[Freedom15]

being hit with hard symptoms again.

 

Have to remember early in the reduction and takes time to stabilise out.

 

 

[Freedom15]

Have had a bit of a blow today.

 

The GP who i have been under since 2014 has told me today the surgery can no longer see me as i am out of there catchment area and the practise will no longer allow this.

 

So i have to go find a new doctor to help with the continuation of my reduction and dealling with letters support for the benefits cliam.

 

Bit worried going forwards so will have to decide what i need and see if i can find a doctor who is supportive with this all.

[Freedom15]

Symptoms are bad at moment struggling with lots parkinson type movements and outbursts of anger.

 

Hopefully sorted out a place to live now. Just waiting on confirmation.

 

Theres a lot of upset in the home with seperating so hopefully that will help me to be in my own space.

[Freedom15]

Still pritty much up and down with windows and waves and the pressure of moving on the Aug 1st.

 

Holding for at least another 1 month to 2 months..

 

Just trying to live in the day not let things get on top of me which i am seemin gto do at the moment..

 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

So alot has happened so i will give an update of where i am at..

 

I have seperated from my wife.

 

I have had to move to a different city because of struggling to find a landlord that would take housing benifits.

 

I have got get new doctor as my old doctor who has supprted me for past 6 plus years of the tapered withdawl can no longer see me because i am now out area patient.

 

So alot stress and fear and change.

 

I am still holding for another 3-4 weeks before my next reduxtion but i have been struggling alot being on my own.

 

Been feeling vary fearful and suicidal ideation has been promanent.

 

Been in my new place for 2 weeks now. Still finding where everything is.

 

 

[Freedom15]

Monday brings my next reduction..

 

5mg diluted in 1950ml water and 0.02mg taken out of the solution.

 

The 0.02mg is then added to further 2000ml water and..

 

Finally 0.02mg taken from that solution which is the final dose to be taken.

 

Not sure what the final dose is but its about 30% reduction.

 

Hoping now i am alittle bit more calmer since moving out and being seperated that this reduction may

not be as hard as they normally are will have see as it go's..

 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

40 days into my last reduction and i am slowly starting to get more settled into it.

 

It was hard at first only getting 1-2 hours of sleep and vary mentally unwell.

 

The move to a place on my own also added to the situation.

 

Couple months of holding then i will drop agaiin..

[Freedom15]

Have had 2 weeks of suicidal ideation and anxiousness.

 

Still cant believe how much this nasty drug effects me at so low dose.

 

Just want my drug free life back..

[Mystagogy]

On 1/25/2015 at 3:16 PM, Freedom15 said:

at some point and regain the person that i feel i have lost.

I totally get that. I want my old self/old life back too.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

5 hours ago, Mystagogy said:

I totally get that. I want my old self/old life back too.

Me too, is it so much to ask? Can’t help wonder why I lost myself from a legally prescribed drug within weeks and months later haven’t recovered. These drugs are poison and doctors who prescribe these drugs as candies are no different than street drug dealers, they just have a license to freely do it in their comfortable offices 

[Freedom15]

I thikn the bigeest thing that i am having to face up to is even after such a long time of tapering and getting the dise to such a rediculasly low amount i will still have to face the withdrawl and what that will bring. I have the experiance in 2014 which i never want ot experiance again Altho i think its not going to be easy. Hopefully tho my body will be more stable that it was. I am just tired with the whole experiance. I have a cold at the moment but after that i am going to cut again. Maybe i will not get back to premedication and maybe this journey has given me many new experiances i would have never had. Maybe i will be a new self..

[Freedom15]

Been hit by the covid virus this week so i am holding still..

 

It's been a vary tuff time being stuck indoors for nearly week now and having both the wothdrawel of the amitriptaline and covid stuff going on.

 

I have not sleep for 4-5 days so just tired.

[Freedom15]

Coming out of covid lockdown tomorrow. Been a tuff 10 days in isolation.

 

Pip review has been renewed for further 3 years which is a miricle.

 

Have 30 days of the medication made up still will reduce again after that

 

hopefully i will be fully recovered by the covid stuff then.

 

 

[Freedom15]

Covid has really taken its toll..

 

I feel its also messing around with the medication and withdrawl.

 

I feel vary tired with it all to point some days i just dont want to wake up.

 

Its been such a long time with being ill over last 7 years it just feels never ending.

 

I know there are people who do recover and hopefully over time i just think the covid feels like its taken me backwards quite alot.

 

I am trying to practise grattitude of what i have which is the only way to connect to a power greater than me in all this.

[Freedom15]

Reducing meds again.

 

2.5mg diluted in 1950ml water and 0.02mg taken out of the solution.

 

The 0.02mg is then added to further 2000ml water and..

 

Finally 0.02mg taken from that solution which is the final dose to be taken.

 

Not sure what the final dose is but its about 50% reduction now from previous dose.

 

Will hold for 3 months.

 

 

[Freedom15]

In the thick of it at the moment.

 

Really getting bad anxiouness and parania.

 

Suicidal ideation is off scale.

 

Have been getting waves and vary small windows.

 

Early doors to be far in the reduction.

 

Just trying to take each day as it comes.

 

 

[Freedom15]

First day of serenity within all this..

 

Feels like i have hit a window hopefully for while..

[Frogie]

53 minutes ago, Freedom15 said:

First day of serenity within all this..

 

Feels like i have hit a window hopefully for while..

Wonderful news!

[Freedom15]

Back into a wave but no where near as bad as last week..

 

I can always tell because i get the shacks when a wave starts.

 

Getting the anxiousness, fear and parania building up again.

 

All part of the withdrawl process.

 

[Freedom15]

Really bad wave tonight..

 

Had to go out walking as i was pacing around the house in intense fear and SI..

 

Called my support network was crying down phone feeling hopeless.

 

Hopefully it's the peak of the wave and will calm down soon.

 

Brought back memories of when i was walking the streets in mess in 2014.

 

I know i am not in that placenow tho it just gets me everytime i reduce and i have to go through this multipul times to i get some longer stability.