Freedom15: reinstated amitriptyline after CT by doctor

[LoveandLight]

Ah I see what you mean..you will get there..

[Pugknows]

I'm alone too, Freedom. It's really tough being with your thoughts all day. I hope your mom gives you a lift of symptoms, or just a shoulder to cry on. It will all be over soon and you'll be back to your old self.

[Freedom15]

Right I am just putting out stuff deal with as I am starting to get pins and neddles across my face and my arms and legs it wasn't doing it so much at higher dose but is starting to get worse at the current dose I am also getting pain in my head as well from the anastetic affect of the drugs is this anything to worry about or should just see if gets any worse.

[Fresh]

It sound like withdrawal Freedom , rather than something new to be concerned about. 

It's been only 13 days since your last reduction.   Keep holding bud.

[Freedom15]

I am just struggling daily to live I have not felt good since oct 2014. I am just tired of living an unhappy life every day. I think I have hit my brick wall. I am going to see the mental health team next week and will try to get them to understand the seriousness of how I am and what's happening in my life I need support to sort out my bankruptcy and losing my house and finding somewhere else to live and this is hard when I just feel heavily sedated and Ill from taking the toxic tablets. Sorry if I am being random with my writing but Its better for me to post than to just sit here watching my life fall around me.

[Pugknows]

You're moving forward, Freedom, even if it doesn't feel like progress. Symptoms are just symptoms, not indications that there is something else wrong. Symptoms are evidence of healing. Outside stressors make symptoms stronger because we throw fear and anxiety about them into the mix. I turn to God in times like these and He gives me what I need. I don't know how spiritual you are, but it helps me to think a higher power is watching over me.

[Freedom15]

Yes I have moved forwards but I just feel lost in it always sedated just watching the days go by and I am not connected to it. I just don't know how long I can continue taking this drug it's like a form of self abuse taking a drug that's killing me and my life and paying for it.

[Freedom15]

Ok I think what's been happening is I have been peaking on a wave. When my waves peak they tend to be with panic and fear and not being able to be able to carry on. I had a wave peak last Saturday as well. If all sudden I seem to be going negative i may just need to be reminded I am in wave and it will pass.

[Freedom15]

I am starting to understand why they say to only reinstate the smallest amount to Carm the withdrawls I got proper stitched up by the doctors putting me back on at 50mg saying I had mental health isusses and not discontinuation symptoms.

 

At least I managed to get to 17.5. The last wave has bought a small amount of goodness back into the mess I still feel. I just want feel normal which seems so far off and struggling to have the mental ability to process everything that's needed to be done with sorting my house and bankruptcy.

[Fresh]

Hi Freedom ,   any chance you can rent your house out rather than sell?   

[Freedom15]

Hi fresh my house is in poor condition and in negative equity so I think it's best just to let go and be free of the debt.

[Freedom15]

Does anyone else struggle with the sedation of there drugs ? Amitriptaline is highly sedative and even at the lower dose my brain is still numb at end day and through the day it's like I been put under anastetic. It physically hurts my head with it slowly wearing off through day. This is making it so difficult for me to function normally and I am even finding it hard to remember what I have or havn't done something. Hopefully in couple weeks a further 10% drop will help but it's like being walking zombie at moment.

[Freedom15]

has anyone had change there scales whilst tapering ? I bought a set from ebay and they were cheap and cheerful and did for while. I bought a pro set that cost a lot money but they were terrible and measured worst then pro set so they went back. I was cutting the pills by eye to 17.5mg so good another set from ebay but different type the ones that look like American set. I weight up my dose last night and this morning I have anxiousness so I presume the dose must been slightly different to the manuel cutting other scales. I will carry on the new scales at the dose I think is right if have any major issues I will maybe have adjust slightly.

[Freedom15]

Right I have been in touch with the comunity drugs team with where I live and they are booking me a appointment to be assigned a key worker to get support and help with coming off the drugs. They said they have dealt with people coming off anti depressents before and that the withdrawls can be horrific. I live on my own and what i need most is contact with normal human beings to prevent me from going inwards all time. They will also be able to help me with my financial issues and if I need rehomed in few months. They said they will taliure reduction plan to suit me so I will make sure I push for slow reduction 10% 4-6 weeks. And no further drugs to be added. It's given me a little bit hope I dont have deal with this on my own. I will keep everyone updated

[Fresh]

That's wonderful news Freedom.   Onwards and upwards  .

 

I'd stick with the one set of scales for consistency. 

People have problems changing brands of syringe , so discrepancies between scales wouldn't surprise me at all.

[Freedom15]

I am still struggling with the foggy head the amitriptaline gives me. My whole brain is numb and makes it hard to think straight. I felt so connected to the world before these drugs now I just feel a sedated mess. I hope I can get help from drugs team to sort out all my life stuff cause I am struggling to even just do normal things with how my head feels it's like Brain has been removed.

[Fresh]

I'm sure they'll help you Freedom ,  how long till your appointment?

[Freedom15]

Not sure waiting for letter. I just feel so sedated like never fully wake up to the world. I think at the higher dose your just so out it you kinda go with it where as now the dose is little lower you realise how far away you truly are from self and how long it take to get back. I should never been put on these drugs for migraine prevention it's totally screwed me up and I just don't know how going get through this. I try stay positive but it's hard when just feel sedated. Everyone around me is worryed because they can see what this is doing to me

[Freedom15]

I am getting to the point where I may have to consider changing drugs I don't think I can carry on day in and day out living the life I live on amitriptaline. The sedation is killing me and I can't function as normal human being every day like this. I know the plan is to stick to one drug and taper slowly but I am in such mess on the amitriptaline and not feeling like I will get better soon I really could do with some help in this.

[Freedom15]

Maybe it's just me but I would actually rather sit in withdrawl knowing I will stabilise at lower dose than take higher dose to stabilise and fell the physical pain of my brain being anethatised by this toxic drug. I know this isn't the way it's ment to be. reinstate drug atabilise wait while then slowly taper to drug free life. Not seeing it at moment but hopefully will get there long term.

[Pugknows]

Hang on Freedom. Hugs to you. Maybe a mod will come by soon to advise you. I'm CT and not on anything, so am not much help. But I definitely remember the cog fog while on the drug. It's very difficult and makes dealing with regular life stuff impossible. I empathize.

[Freedom15]

Thanks pug knows I am ok In a sense like say my ability to function as normal human being is taken away by the fog of this drug which I didn't realise till being reinstated. I am just holding.

[LoveandLight]

Sorry your struggling..that's amazing your getting so much community help..I've been struggling for yrs with housing, benefits everything while going through this..is it just the council community drug team?

 

I'm so angry to read that the doctors are saying you have a mental health issue..honestly what is going on here..I thought they were meant to be clever..omg

[Freedom15]

Yes It's just the community drugs team who deal with the safer street drugs lol. I will get key worker assigned and will go from there. I also went to a drugs and alcohol drop in today and see key worker I have decided now I got try make this situation work for me. How all pans out I will keep updating. I didn't ask be in this situation so they can help me.

[LoveandLight]

Yes the safer drugs!

[Freedom15]

I have stuck to the slightly lower dose that happened due scales change. Yesterday was not so good but today seems little better and the physical numbing pain of the anestetic action on my brain feels more bearable. I am getting very minor tremours and ticks and mild anxiousness but I am able to sit on the sofa and feel a bit relaxed so I will just roll with it.

[Freedom15]

It's so upsetting that my life has gone from being happy and good job and doing all my hobbies to just becoming a sedated mess that crowls out of bed and mages to survive the day untill it's time to take the tablets again at 7pm waiting to lose your job and have house reprocessed and then not knowing we're you will end up surely this isn't how life was ment to be.

[LoveandLight]

I think/feel that too - surely it wasn't meant to be like this..but..it is..

[Freedom15]

I am starting to get the vibe as well that I will need to have do all the sorting of benefits and home my self. I am seeing the cab next week been told by work the money stops on 1.6.2015 so a little worrying. Can't work feeling how I am just feel list in it all and like my mental health has defornatly suffered by being sedared all time.

[Freedom15]

I really don't know what direction to take the drugs aren't working or making me happy and I just feel mess. I don't know how long I can carry on just taking the pills being sedated then slowly waking up to take pills again. I know this site promotes recovery from anti depressents but unless you can be stable on something I don't know how you can just live with the unsablity. I haven't been right since December and I think cause the put me on higher dose that caused me issues as well. I really didn't want to introduce further drugs but I just feel mess. You could bear the daily grind if you know you would feel better at some point. At higher dose I just felt some more physically anethatised that I didn't feel good one bit. Just don't know sometimes how to find the strength to go forwards.

[Freedom15]

Right i want some advice on tapering. I know i have tapered alot recently to deal with the sedation but i was so bad that i couldnt function as normal human being.

I am doing no more 10% reductions now. I find that generally when drop i get could days unsettled and then gos back to the drugged mess i currently am.

How do know if tapering to fast ? i have had couple waves last week but generally i have had windows although i know i have been moaning a bit which is because the

drugs arn't making me happy or genrally well. If the drugs were making oyu feel well then i can see how its easy to hold for 4-6 weeks but if drugs making you feel ill and sedated 

and actually dropping seems to be helping overall what do people think about what to do ??

[LoveandLight]

Hope you figure it out

[Pugknows]

Hi Freedom! Wish you were feeling better. So sorry you're in this mess. I totally get what you mean about feeling lousy taking the drugs and not taking the drugs. I do not advocate cold turkey at all, but it is the reason that I made the decision I did. That, and the fact that the doctors told me I could just stop taking it and not experience any withdrawal symptoms. They were wrong, of course, and here I am. Have you considered reducing? I can't remember where you are at this point. I wish you the best!

[Freedom15]

Hi pug know Yer I am trying to reduce little bits to get down. I am not doing cold Turkey again like at Christmas cause that will just kill me. It's just so have as I can't work anymore so I am just watching my life fold around me to the point were I will be jobless and homeless due to the stupid drugs they give you. It's just hard to know what's the right thing to do. I got go and see the benefits people on Monday to see what forms I got fill out.

[Freedom15]

Right i am currently feeling unwell and its prob due to the dose reductions i have continuted to do.

Its been a tuff decission but i cant continue to take higher doses that are making me ill to be stable.

The physical anastetic propertys of the amitriptaline have be causing me cronic mental and physical issues.

My body has been so numb all over and its been making my brain hurt.

I am still getting pins and neddles all over my hands and feet and feelings of numbness with fingers and feet and across my face, forehead and head.

I am sedated to point that i never fully wake up to world through day.

I currently feel unwell and have flue type symptoms which i am sure this is wd symptoms.

I know what is suggested and i am sure if you were able to feel not to bad on your drugs then holding would be quite easy to do but what i am finding out is

amitriptaline is not working for me anymore  and is causing me more side effects and mental and physical issues than good at momemt.

Where i go from i dont know but i am finding it hard to function as normal human being everyday feeling this bad on the drugs.

I am holding at the dose i am on which has eased the anestestic propertys as little bit.

In weird way i would rather have wd effects than being on dose that wasnt making me well at all.

If anyone has any feedback or input that may help me at this time please feel free come back.

Thanks.

[Freedom15]

Ok I have had a slightly better day today in the mess of everything. I have seen key worker for hour and hung out the drugs and alcohol drop in center. I stayed in bed till 11.00 as I havn't been feeling well with cold ontop of the drugs issues.