Freedom15: reinstated amitriptyline after CT by doctor

[DMV64]

On 1/25/2015 at 4:16 PM, Freedom15 said:

a very slow taper as i am super sensative.

Oh boy can I relate to this. I feel like any little change in my life, any interaction has the power to throw me off. I cannot afford arguements. The price is too high. Steady. Steady. Its no joke!

-DMV

[Freedom15]

Have slowed down my life a bit and that has helped.

 

I think i have been in a place where i have been overloading myself with my ability this has caused me to be ill.

 

doing a months hold this time as i think i need to do this now with being so low.

 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Reducing to 0.004mg tonight

 

After this reduction i will have to alter my dilution to 10mg tablet with 1000ml water as i am at the bottom of the syringe again and dose reductions are way higher than 10% again which unfortunatly at this vary low dose is being more common accurance. 

 

I was wondering if i can cut the tablets in half and then just stay at the 500ml water to get the same effect ?

 

I cant get componded meds here in UK so 10mg is the lowest tablet dose i can get. 

 

Set up my syringes for 28 day holds now instead 21 days as i pull all syringe doses at same time. And then store in fridge in syringes with caps on. This has defonatly  

given me a vary slight mental and physical break before hitting next reduction. 

 

Symptons are still up and down nothing new there tbh..

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Reducing to 0.0003mg tonight after holding for month.

 

New dilution is 10mg Tablet to 1000ml of water.

 

This has only doubled the amount in the syringe so i can only do a few drops at this dillution before i will have dillute again plus the drops are now outside the 10% reduction which i

have no idea how deal with at such low dose.

 

I am worried now because its getting to the point of where i will need to fully drop off and the possible ruff road after that.

 

The reductions are still vary similar in whta happens and the time to get to some stability altho i am no where near symptom free.

 

Really could do with some help or support now with the finally reductions and dropping off.

[RealMe]

4 hours ago, Freedom15 said:

Really could do with some help or support now with the finally reductions and dropping off.

Sending you good vibes and hope as you go through these final reductions and dropping off.

Best wishes,

RM

[Freedom15]

Feeling a bit like got serious brain fog today its come on over the day..

 

Have decided that i will continue to reduce as much as i can till final drop off which is going to be hard i think.

I got one more reduction then i will dilute to 10mg tab to 2ltrs of water which i will get 2 reductions out that.

I will then cut tablet in half so that will be 5mg to 2ltrs and again 2 reductions.

I will then cut thee tablet to quarter with 2ltrs and again 2 reductions.

So thats about another 6-7 months to get to that point.

After that i will have see as that pritty much as low as i can go without stupid amounts water.

I know its way out of the 10% now but because of the low dose its got to be better doing this than just going 100% from

where i am now.

 

My next reduction is due in next 7 days.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Reducing again tomorrow to 0.0002mg

 

Last reduction then going to 10mg tab to 2000ml water.

 

Month holds now seem to be helping alot.

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Reducing tomorow to 0.00015mg

 

Have changed the dilution to 10mg tab to 2000ml water.

 

Has only been 3 weeks holding this time but feel its time to reduce with how i am feeling.

 

I can do 2 reductions off this dilution then i will have to change to 5mg tab to 2000ml water.

 

Drops are % wise alot bigger than 10% now due to the massivly small amount i am on altho its still vary strong in what its doing.

 

I will hold longer if needed to stabilise as that sems the only thing that i can do to help if needed.

 

Must been in proper mess at 50mg..

[Freedom15]

First day in on my reduction and a bit ruff start..

 

Dizzeness, pain head and just feeling groggy.

 

Nothing i have not had before just from going from stable to one reduction and all breaks lose gets me every time..

 

Should carm down over the next week or so.

[Freedom15]

Day 2 feeling slightly better within everything..

 

Have got symptoms still cryed a little bit this morning..

 

Positive is i am still going down on dose..

 

 

[Freedom15]

The biggest thing that tires me is the anestic of the medication and the numbness and pain that causes across my body and my head and face.

I think this has been the hardest thing to deal with tbh..

 

Starting to settle down emotionally after my last reduction.

 

Sometimes i really wonder how i have even made a week of this let alone reducing from 2015 till now.

The real test an scaryness is that final drop and into the unknow..

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

I get tired so i try to just nap in the day for an hour then when i wake up i am physically all over the place.. It then takes a period of time for the physical and emotional symptons to settle.. Its such a double edged sword..

 

I am so tired of always feeling ill and on the edge with this. It worries me that i will never be free from this nasty medication altho i know that one day i will its just been such a slow, long, hard process which has not been perfect at all.. 

 

sometimes i wonder where i dig the strehgth from then i remeber my higher power is with me all the time and i am pritty sure its not in his plan for me to be finished this way..

 

 

[Altostrata]

4 hours ago, Freedom15 said:

sometimes i wonder where i dig the strehgth from then i remeber my higher power is with me all the time and i am pritty sure its not in his plan for me to be finished this way..

 

What a good way of putting it!

 

How are you feeling over all? What are your most prominent symptoms? You are doing a remarkable job tapering.

[Freedom15]

Hi Alto,

 

Altho its been tuff yes i have managed to get into the tapering side things..

 

The main symptons i am getting is,

Pins neddles in hands, feet, lips (need to move feet to prevent pain)

Anestic feeling across face, back head and brain. (Numbness)

Blurry eyesight, weird focusing

crawling feeling across nervous in various places.

Headache

Confusion (linked to numbness)

Tremours (alot smaller now)

dry mouth with chemical taste.

pain in kidneys

heart runs fast when taking meds

general up and down of emotional stability ( gets worse on intial reduction then slowly dyes back to more stable )

 

I think some symptoms are side effects of medication and some withdrawl..

Especaly from the heavy anticholinergic

effects this medication has. 

 

Its just tiring being ill all day with it altho i have made improvements with all it as the levels of it are not as consuming as they were few years back.

 

My partner says i am more aware of my surroundings and seem to be more involved now with stuff instead of just taking part if that makes sense.. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Reduced medication to 0.0001mg

 

The next reduction i will have to first do 10mg tab to 10ml water then take 5ml from that.

 

Then dilute the 5ml of tab and water with 2000ml water.

 

This will give me another 2 reductions at that dillution.

 

Seriously low doses of medication now and just go's to show how toxic and powerfull these drugs are as i was prescribed 50mg at highest and now on 0.0001mg

 

Same reduction symptoms will hopefully tail off a bit in few days.

 

Struggling today with extensive head pain and agitation tho.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Not feeling my best today some sort of wave i would think..

 

I am at the point tho of having enough with tapering and just want to stop.

 

I still have a few reductions to go so i will prob just carry on with tapering as the

lowest i can get the better in my mind.

 

I just want to be med free again and i know that world is not to far off now so

i will hold fire and finish the tapering.

 

Just wanted to share my feelings at this point today..

 

I will prob feel better tomorrow as the waves seem to only last a day or two the most.

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

This reduction has been hard..

 

I have had constant symptoms now since the reduction.

 

I will hold untill they are gone..

 

Altho the physical symptoms are hard its the emotional ones that i find hard

because i am vary aggitated and my partner is aware of it as i am struggling to be carm in

day to day living.

 

My partner has said this seems to be the worse shes seen me over past 2 years so i will hold till

the symptoms carm down.

 

I am praying to my higher power that i can get help with trying to not be as aggitated thats all i can think

that will help in this situation.

 

Just realising whats going on has helped i think taken me out of the feedback loop of the waves.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Seems like i have managed to step out the feed back loop of the wave for while as my symptoms are slowly carming a little..

 

Still vary hard physical stuff but that never fully go’s

 

The agitation has carmed a little bit.. 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Have diluted the table to 5mg to 2000ml of water.

 

next reduction is to 0.000075mg

 

Its a massive drop of 25% which is becoming the norm now at this extremly low dose.. 

 

I will have to ride the symptoms and hold longer if needed.. 

 

At some point i will have do 100% of dose so i think that even at higher reductions its better to still reduce at that than 100%.. 

[Carmie]

1 hour ago, Freedom15 said:

Have diluted the table to 5mg to 2000ml of water.

 

next reduction is to 0.000075mg

 

Its a massive drop of 25% which is becoming the norm now at this extremly low dose.. 

 

I will have to ride the symptoms and hold longer if needed.. 

 

At some point i will have do 100% of dose so i think that even at higher reductions its better to still reduce at that than 100%.. 

 

Hi Freedom, 

 

Im so sorry you’re going through this. Your doses are so teeny tiny n yet you still get symptoms. It’s hard to comprehend that a drop to 0.000075mg could cause such problems. The pharmaceutical companies have a lot to answer for. Again, I’m really sorry. 

 

Sending you a big hug🤗🤗

[Freedom15]

Reduced medication to 0.000075MG on 15.09.2018

 

10mg Tablet diluted in 10ml water.

5ml dose take from that then aded to a further 2000ml water.

 

Feeling vary ruff to be honest right now. Loads physical pain in my chest and head/face from the anestetic effects wearing down.

 

Plus i got man flu at same time so double trouble..

 

I have not been to bad with emotions altho i have been vary agitated and a bit of aggressive discussions which is defornate withdrawl symptom.

 

Both me and my partner are working on minimising this by not talking about subjects that could provoke this untill i settle.

 

My partners been amazing to help me for almost 2 years through this without her i would have spent alot of time on my own and who knows.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Starting to level off a little bit.

 

Feelings of anxiousness today and inpending doom.

 

Still feel medicated as always altho feeling alot less now.

 

Still have heavy anastetic from meds which is making my head foggy and struggling to do stuff.

 

Feeling like its getting a little easier though from last drop.

[Carmie]

23 hours ago, Freedom15 said:

Starting to level off a little bit.

 

Feelings of anxiousness today and inpending doom.

 

Still feel medicated as always altho feeling alot less now.

 

Still have heavy anastetic from meds which is making my head foggy and struggling to do stuff.

 

Feeling like its getting a little easier though from last drop.

 

Hi Freedom, 

 

I’m sorry to hear you had feelings of impending doom. Those neuro emotions can certainly hit hard. 

 

Im glad to hear though that the last drop seemed a little easier. You are doing so well counting those minuscule tapers. You will end up being a professor in maths!😀

 

Wishing you all the best in your continued taper💚

[Freedom15]

Reduced on 4.011.2018 down to the following

 

2.5mg in 2000ml of water

dose taken from with 1ml syringe at 0.02ml.

 

I think the dose is 0.000025mg nows but the maths is totally behond me now i just know that i am going down still..

 

Will hold on this for 3-4 weeks now.

 

Physical anestic effects of medication is still causing me serious side effects.

 

Next reduction i will go to

 

1.5mg in 2000ml of water.

dose taken from 1ml syringe at 0.03ml

 

Its amazing how much effect it has on such low dose.

 

Seriously feeling the slowness now of the taper altho i stick to the plan when its time to change plan

then i will..

 

Have got alot support around me now from people who will help me get through the final drop off when

that happens. Plus i am more aware of what could happen so can be prepared for the worse.

 

Who ever is having a ruff time at the moment stick with it and stay stable thats the key in what i can see and

work for the long term goal of becoming medication free at some point. When we rush it does not help and

we can go backwards. This has been the central point of my life for a long time now and all tho i lost my job and my home was

sold i gained new things within all what was going on. Some times laying my focus on grattude for the things i have

instead of loss is a powerfull thing and connects me to a power greater than me. I really didn't think i would have made it this

far because its been the tuffest thing i have ever had to deal with and there are days when i am just so tired both physically

and mentally alth i am keeping my spirit alive right now and that is keeping me going.

 

I hope everyone can find within there own journeys some kind place of peace that will get them through this.

 

[Freedom15]

This last reduction has hit me harder than normal.

 

I had a big wave with symptoms for few days above the normal reduction symptoms.

 

It seems to be like this as i think now with smallness of the dose the nurological changes are not happening with every drop.

 

Its so tiring physically and emotionaly when i am in a harder place.

 

Will hold out till it dies down hopefully in few days.

 

 

 

 

[Carmie]

Hi Freedom, 

 

I’m so sorry your last drop was so bad. You are on such teeny tiny doses n they are still affecting you. Just goes to show how powerful these meds are in changing our brain chemistry. 

 

Would you believe it, someone told me to just go cold turkey on the 7.5mg I am on because it’s such a small dose!!! I’m sure they haven’t read your thread. Even when I taper by five percent I still get withdrawals.

 

I’m so glad you have a lot of support around you and that you’re practicing gratitude. You have a good attitude. 

 

Wishing you all the best n sending hugs🤗

 

 

[Freedom15]

Hi Carmie,

 

Thanks for you reply..

 

Its tough will hold out till the symptons go.

 

Due to the size reductions now which are prob about 25% its prob why i am suffering a bit but nothing like

when i went cold turkey..!!

 

I have had alot of heavy emotional tuff thats happened over the last couple weeks and i think thats triggered

some unstability as well if i am honest.

 

Walking outside and music seems to carm me at momment.

 

[Carmie]

On 11/17/2018 at 1:15 AM, Freedom15 said:

Hi Carmie,

 

Thanks for you reply..

 

Its tough will hold out till the symptons go.

 

Due to the size reductions now which are prob about 25% its prob why i am suffering a bit but nothing like

when i went cold turkey..!!

 

I have had alot of heavy emotional tuff thats happened over the last couple weeks and i think thats triggered

some unstability as well if i am honest.

 

Walking outside and music seems to carm me at momment.

 

 

Hi Freedom, 

 

Glad to hear walking outside n music calm you. Nature n music are two of my favourite things too. I’m always happiest in nature, and as regards music I’ve got a speaker that flashes pretty colours in sync with the music. So cool! I do like putting on headphones but I only do it occasionally as a lot of people end up getting tinnitus from it. I go to concerts too, love my concerts.

 

It must be hard with your tiny doses. You’re already using 2000 ml of water. You would have to use 4000ml of water to get it closer to ten percent. 

 

I’m sorry you’ve had a lot of heavy emotional stuff to deal with, I have too. It certainly doesn’t help the withdrawals, does it? Any kind of stress makes them worse.

 

I hope you stabilise a bit again soon. 

 

sending hugs🤗

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

This is how my nightmare journey started with tinnitus..

 

I got it in both ears in 2013 and amytriptine was given as a migraine preventative..

 

I have decided reducing at 25% is better than dropping out 100% so even tho the roads a bit ruffer i will maybe have hold longer. I know its not ideal tbh altho even if did 4000ml water now the next would be 8000ml so i will just do my upmost best now. I will not reduce again untill i am stable. 

 

I seem to be able to pull myself into a bit of stability then i am pulled put of it again.

In some ways its a key indicator of what effects me spiritually..

 

 

 

 

[Carmie]

I’m sorry you have tinnitus Freedom, 

 

Is it really bad? Is it always there or do you get a reprieve sometimes?

 

As regards your tapering I’m glad you always end up pulling yourself into some kind of stability again. It’s a rough ride, isn’t it? Last week was a bad week with mainly waves for me but I feel a little better today. Let’s see what tomorrow brings. 

 

Well I’m off to bed in a sec. I see you’re in England, I’m in Australia. It might not be bed time for you, but I’ll say good nite anyway.💚

[Freedom15]

I get the tinnitus noise all time its just dependant on where more focus is as to if i can co-exist with it.

 

It like if been out to a night club and when get home and try go to sleep you have that noise in your ears..

 

To be fair at the moment my side effects/withdrawl is worse.

 

Seems like i am getting hammered emotional from every angle at the momment with stuff which is

putting me into a bad place.

 

Thoughts of suicide have crept in altho i am not doing that its not option and i have spoken to

my support network about that its just when there is high fear this always seems to pop in.

Like old coping mechanism just waiting to catch me out.

 

Really trying to pull myself together and stay carm which doesn't seem to be helping right now.

 

 

[Freedom15]

Slowly pulling myself back.

 

Its been hard i got myself in really hard place and it was powered by fear of stuff going on.

 

I have had to really step up to my daily stuff i do to help me get more centred again.

 

Not out of the woods yet but getting there.

[Freedom15]

So i am in a bit position right now as to what to do..

 

With christmas and my wedding coming up in the next 8 weeks i need to be as stable as possible.

 

So i am unsure if to just hold for 2 months and then restart reducing again or to reduce once more then hold..

 

 

[ChessieCat]

It's a tough call.

 

Some questions you might like to ask yourself:  Are you stable enough to reduce now?  Are you already starting to feel the stress of Christmas and the wedding?  How have you been after other reductions?

 

The general thought would be that if you are in any doubt then hold.

[Carmie]

Hi Freedom, 

 

Just checking in to see how you’re doing.

 

Sending hugs🤗

[Freedom15]

Hi Carmie..

 

Yes i am preparing myself for my next reduction tomorrow.

 

Tonight is my last dose then tomorrow i will go to :

 

10mg tab with 10ml water. 1.25ml removed from liquid

 

added to further 2000ml water.

 

Giving dose of 0.00001875 if think..

 

After speaking with my support network we have diecided alot was fear based and that i have got a plan and to stick with it for now.

 

I did have vary heavy emotional stuff last time which came in from all areas and i will judge from this next reduction if need to hold longer or it was just a genuinely ruff time.