Freedom15: reinstated amitriptyline after CT by doctor

[Freedom15]

Today has been one best days i have had for while.

I was right in that the dose of 25mg was far to hi for my body to handle and it was doing more harm than good.

I also realise that for longterm stability small drops with long holding is also the way farwards.

I feel i am in a beter mental and phyical place now to be about to get stabile and well again.

I am going with what my body is saying as i feel far more relaxed and alive now with a future than

just struggaling to survive everyday in some druged induce coma type experiance.

[dalsaan]

glad you are having a good day, small drops with long holds is the way to go.

[Freedom15]

Day 2 of my reduction and i am feeling positive. I woke up will kinda fever type felling and a bit of burning and bit pounding heart.

I am taking valerian when needed to help with any anxiousness.

I still feel the sedation but no way near what it was and a presume as time gos on the 25mg will lower out system and i

will get down to 20mg.

I havnt had any adverse things yet as i think its what my body wanted to drop.

This has given me hope i can eventually get off the drugs totally if done correctly.

[Freedom15]

Day 4 and mr anxiaty has arrived. its been worse in the mornings.

 

What i am struggling with is going to work.

 

I have had take couple weeks of to try get stable with drop.

 

I do a very technical job and being sadated in mornings is not good as i dont feel safe doing it.

 

I must been in some kinda denial for 11 months i was on this before cause since i see who i am in the ct

its been really hard to live ion my body knowing whats the brugs are doing. Maybe others have had this problem

after reinstaement ?

[Fresh]

Give yourself some time Freedom.    Good move to arrange for time off work.

 

I'm concerned about the valerian / amitriptyline interaction.  This combination can cause dizziness , drowsiness , difficulty concentrating , impaired judgement and

thinking.    Go to  www.drugs.com  , drug interaction checker.

 

I hope the next few days are smooth for you.

 

Best wishes ,   Fresh

[Freedom15]

Hi Fresh.

 

I might only taken one or two tablets over the last week or two so i am not using them loads.

I generally think i get all those symptoms from just amtriptaline lol.

 

I have been ok less sedated in mornings and through the day.

Axiousness is slowing in the day.

Tonight i have had couple hours of agitation and anxiuosneess.

I preseume this is because of the lower dose and at end day thats when the drug level is at its lowest.

Hopefully this will carm down as body gets more used to lower dose.

I just want to feel human again which i know will come in time its just so hard to deal with everyday.

[Freedom15]

Right i have a question to ask what happens if you can no longer take the drugs you reinstated back onto

ie the sedation of the drug is to high and causing you to not function correctly or be able to work ?

I have reduced to the 20mg dose which has helped but i am still sedated and i dont think i can work like this ?.

I used drink at least 10 cups coffee a day which i presume was helping with the sedation as i stopped caffine

to try prevent some of the anxiousness i was having.

 

I am goingh back to the doctors monday to get advice but i am sure that they will just say change drugs or reduce dose further ??

[LoveandLight]

Go to the docs to get advice - I think you probably or the people here would know better honestly, they are just trying things and hoping for the best..scary to realise.

 

Anyway I hope you feel better soon.

[Altostrata]

Sedation is a lot better than the opposite.

 

You might be able to reduce it by reducing the dosage.

[Freedom15]

Hi altostrata i aslready reduced my dose 1.5 weeks ago from 25mg to 20mg

this has helped in the sense that i am less sedated to point.

How long will it actually take for the dose to reduce in your body as

i presume this doesn't just happen over night ??

I on have 2 weeks lewft full pay then i will drop to 12 weeks half pay

the no pay.

 

I have started enquiring about my mortgage options and also credit cards as

i live on my own and am the only person that can surport me.

 

Its getting a little worrying now which i am sure opthers have been through or had

to deal with.

[Freedom15]

Update to whats going on.

 

I went to see doctor today to discuss whats happening with the sedation and not being able to work.

I asked about cross tapering to another drug that was less sedative and she said it wasn't advisable and i should continue with my reduction

plan of the amatriptaline and that she will support me in the reduction.

I have 2 weeks booked off thats my last sick pay at full rate so i will have see how i am in 2 weeks as if feel i can go back to work or not.

I have also ordered better scales as the one i got off ebay was not good.

The new scales were not cheap but with the low weights req i think its worth it if i can taper properly to get of the amatriptaline ultamatly.

They will hopefully arrive tomorrow.

 

I am a little nervous becouse i feel that everything i worked for the last 43 years is about to disapear ie. my house and job and

my parents live far away so i am not sure what will happen if i dont get fit in the next 3 months to go back to work.

 

Maybe as i reduce i will feel less sedated and will get my confidence to go back to work.

 

Hope everyone else is good.

[Freedom15]

Really feeling low today. The reality of my situation is starting to kick in and it feels just like a count down till i lose everything.

I still feel really sedated and this is unfortinatly what amatriptaline does.

I cant beleive i managed to carry out my life dutys for whole year on this stuff as now i cant find the mindset to function

properly. maybe now i am out of the denial of what the drugs do its harder to live this way.

I have one week left of payed sick then i am onto half pay and will only have £130 for 4 weeks to live off which isn't good.

Then i have 3 months to try to get my self into some kinda state to work if not i will have go bankrupt lose house and job

and poss move back to my parents in london.

Sorry if i am seeming negative but i feel so broken and have been dealing with this drug issues since oct last year which i know is not

as long as some but i just cant ever see me being normal again at this point.

[Freedom15]

The new scales arrived and they are faulty so they are being sent back for refund.

Am currently at 17.5mg by cutting the pils up and holding.

Yesterday most day i was just crying and today it feels the same.

Today i woke up and dont feel so good but its not extreme unwellness.

I have started to advise alll the crediters regarding me going onto half pay and what i can pay them.

Everytime i reduce you think you are getting somewhere then a week later that mess becomes your normal.

I am trying to take the positives which is i am down from 25mg to 17.5mg and i never thought i would be able to reduce.

I am holding now for my body to catch up. 

[Petunia]

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time at the moment Freedom, it sounds like its just one thing after another.

 

Did you have problems with sedation when you were on the amitriptyline previously, for the 11 months before you stopped taking it? 

 

You wrote that you quit caffeine, and that you used to drink about 10 cups a day.  How did you stop the caffeine?  Your body not having the caffeine it was used to may be causing some of the sedation too.  Perhaps you could reinstate some of the caffeine, not enough to make you anxious, but enough to help with the sedation, then you could slowly taper off that as the dose of amitriptyline also gets lower.

 

If it was all the coffee which was keeping you awake before, and you are no longer having it, its not surprising you are so sedated now.

[Freedom15]

Hi petunia

 

I tryed having a cup of tea the other day and all that happend is i got a massive head pain and was awake all night.

I went to work for 11months on 20mg so either i wasnt this sedated or i wasnt aware and prob

using caffine to get through the day.

 

I really am struggling in sense that i just feel like i am taking the drugs and my life is jusy falling around me.

I have got 3 months so i am hoping i can taper a little quicker to a lower dose then hold but i am going with my

body as well. ultimatly i dont want end up feeling like i did after the cold turkey situation at christmas.

Nothing has been extreme yet just livable as i would put it but like say i cant function at my job like this at all.

I have drive all day and i am a gas engineer so being sedated on these meds isn't good or safe for me.

[Petunia]

Yes, I see now why you wouldn't want to be falling asleep at work. Hang in there Freedom, I'm sure that as the dose gets lower, you will start to feel better and it seems like you are managing at the moment, sort of. 

 

Do keep us updated.

[Freedom15]

Its not even the tiredness its like my brain is completly foggy and i dont know what i am doing.

I am finding it so hard its like i am just watching the days tick away and i feel totally disconnected to the

reality of whats going on or going to happen possible in hteh future.

I must been so in denial about how i was on this drug.

At worst i will have go bankrupt and go to london and live with my parents but my life is up north and

all friends are here and my support network as well.

Does anyone know what happens if you cant work due to the mediaction effects ?

[Pugknows]

I can't work. Bedridden for the most part. If you can, keep working. If you can't, living with your parents while recovering is a huge plus.

[Freedom15]

Feeling bit low today.

One thing that i struggle with is i just totally dont every feel the real me and this

makes it really hard living every day out.

I feel sedated, foggy, like under anastectic, anxious, panicy and have waves suicidal thought not mine.

I wonder if i am having some waves with the dose reduction ?

I just feel i dont have the energy to deal with this day after day and i am not even anywhere near getting off the drugs yet.

Maybe i will feel better tomorrow but today i just feel down.

I am pritty much sold that i will end up losing my job and living with my parents in london at tis rate.

[Fresh]

Hi Freedom , sorry you're having a rough time.   But honestly , you've gone down from  25 to 20  , then to 18.5 , now 17.5 , in less than a month.

 

I appreciate that the sedation is a big problem , but withdrawal symptoms (which usually includes fatigue) can be am even bigger one.

 

I'm concerned that you're setting yourself up for a crash.

 

[Freedom15]

I have stopped reducing now as i know i have gone a little to fast.

I am sticking at the 17.5 now for good period time.

I hear your concern and also feel your concern.

Today i feel alittle bit better.

I think i have got to get into a good mind set of not screwing my own head up with how i feel.

If i can get in to the mindset of just excepting i feel not right now maybe it will be bit easier.

Thank you for you honesty.

[Freedom15]

At what point would your consider that you may reduced to quick and have updose to higher dose ?

I have been fine for a week from dropping to the 17.5 but i am feeling a bit anxious and panicky today.

I am under no circumstances going any lower but wondered how long you would wait untill trying going up slightly and to what

dose?

 

I know if have been dropping to quickly to try deal with the sedation issue but i am also not wanting to hit cronic withdrawl.

[Freedom15]

Ok I prob should just sat at 20mg for month instead going even lower. The sedation was killing me but I should stuck with the stability of it.

 

Proper feeling it now. Should I just go back up to the 20mg dose and hold of go inbetween.

[Freedom15]

Right I am just writing my thoughts out as I need to do this. I am currently at 17.5mg and holding.

This week I have had a wave and been quite anxious. I was considering going back to 20mg as I have made quite a few drops In very short time. After consideration I am going hold at the 17.5 I can't updose again as the mental torture would be to damaging to my mind. I will just have ride out my current symptoms and as long as I stay on the 17.5 for good period time hopefully I will level out. I know this maybe go's against everything but I just can't live on any higher dose of the drugs.

[ten0275]

freedom, hey.

 

definitely some too-fast taper action going on there. especially on that last 18.5 to 17.5 drop. if you truly feel that updosing is impossible for you mentally, and if you can manage the symptoms that are hitting you at 17.5, then i'd probably be inclined to hold there myself were i in your position. but i'd truly hold with that.

 

i kind of sort of did it myself - but by mistake. a couple months ago, i made a syringe error that basically was the equivalent of a 20% dose decrease. and when i finally figured out what i did, i decided to just hang with it - as the symptoms were manageable, even while uncomfortable.

 

your determination to not feel the fog and the sedation, and to get your life back on track, is palpable and understandable. it'd be cool if you could get it done solid this time around and not have to go through this again. that means patience, and care in dose-decline. 

 

so my two cents would be to hold now at current dose if you feel you can take it - and move not a fraction of an mg downward for 4 to 6 weeks minimum.

 

hang in there, i hope it works out.

 

dave

[Freedom15]

Hi ten0275.

 

Thanks for your reply.

 

100% holding at this dose for a good 4-6 weeks if not longer.

 

I am off work for next 3 months if needed to recover and after that i will

have make choices as to leaving work and moving to my parents if needed.

I am 100% focused now on my long term recovery as person from this and

will in future drop to no more than 10% of current dose and hold 4-6 weeks min.

[Freedom15]

I am a person who likes to share what I am doing so this forum will be my diary and history of my progress my ups and downs of my journey to becoming free from the drugs we are given to help us but infact end up enslaving us to a life that isn't our own anymore. My journey is just beginning and many have taken this path to find a life drug free. I have taken this road many years ago for different types of drugs and managed to be free from them for over 14 years now so I know deep down I can do this and get drug free again. This is a slightly harder road to take but I feel hope now and the choice to not updose was a choice to start the path of recovery. I have decided to give up my job and to go bankrupt and to live with my parents for while this will allow me to focus on the commitment to myself to recover and to take time out. I have worked for 25 years and very really stop so I am stopping. I love photography so I will focus on this and that has got me through some bad times up till now. I hope everyone else who is on there journey finds there own paths to freedom and a drug free way of life.

[LoveandLight]

What do you take pics of? I used to really love photography..

[Freedom15]

Hi love and light

 

I take pictures of many things inc wildlife, urban, rc car racing. I really love pictures it's a great form of communication and when I had my really bad times at Christmas after my ct issue I stomped around all over the place with my camera rucksack on my back.

[ten0275]

 

 

when I had my really bad times at Christmas after my ct issue I stomped around all over the place with my camera rucksack on my back. 

 

freedom, hello.

 

what a constructive way to deal with your symptoms. i wonder if you noticed any difference in the way you captured images while you were/are suffering versus when you were stabilized? i know that for me, the way i looked at things visually during withdrawal - my angles of perception and the way my mind perceived objects, people, phenomena in general - varied greatly from my "typical" perspective when not symptomatic. had i possessed a camera in many situations, i assume that what i would have captured would have been somewhat different due to this shifted view.

 

anyway, i think you have a good plan. hunker down as you can, weather this storm, dust off, and then THRIVE.

 

hang in there.

 

dave

[Freedom15]

Hi Dave,

 

I think for me the camera captures the trueness of the word that i dont feel whilst on thease drugs. When i was in cold turkey for 2 weeks it was like i was woken up to my true self and i had small windows of seeing me drug free.

I just couldnt live with the cronic waves of symptoms which was happening all time over the 2 weeks.

 

Now i am back on the drugs its so hard because my mind has been set free but the drugs have a hold off my body and i know i am no longer me on the drugs i am just sedated to the world and feel trapped in body thats not mine.

 

Hopefully the more used to being this way the easier it will get to not be me in a sense.

[Freedom15]

 

[Freedom15]

Ok I wanted to list my current symptoms as of this week just so I can track how I feel over period time to see if anything improves with holding.

Pin and needles on hands, feet, front legs and face.

Burning sensation from legs.

Random tremors that come go through day

Numbness to face and back head.

Sleeping 2-4 Max then waking up and possible passing out again at points through night.

Vivid dreams.

Crying.

Hopelessness in waves

Panic.

Anxious.

Unable to fully concentrate.

I am currently holding at 17.5mg with no plans to reduce further for at least min 4-6 weeks.

[Freedom15]

I think my mental health is taking it toll...

I feel totaly trapped in my mind.

I dont know how save myself for going mental

has anyone else had deal with this before ?

I have stopped reducing and i am holding but i just feel totally seperated from everything

i am going lose my job and home and dont know what will happen after that.

[LoveandLight]

How long have you felt trapped in your mind?

[Freedom15]

When i was Ct at christmas i saw myself again but now i am sedated by the drugs i feel traped its so hard.

I live on my own and i dont think that helps because you just end up in the circular thinking pattern.

Plus i an finding it so hard to live a life drugged at moment.

My mums come up from london for the weekend so i think this is helping me to get out self a bit but then when alone

i will just prob feel the same.