☼ Nathalou

[Nathalou]

I don't know if it is available in my country in liquid (belgium). MammaP, if i notice no change at 6,25mg within, say 2 weeks, should I still continue it?

[mammaP]

Yes I would give it a few weeks, I think you will feel much better as time goes by, side effects are usually dose related so the symptoms will hopefully get better soon.

[Nathalou]

Just checking in. Had a sleepless night, due to anxiety and rapid heartbeat but I didn't beat myself up about it, just accepting it. Feling okay mentally (how crazy is w/d, one day deep in the roars if suicidal ideation, the next you feel pretty decent). Physically I am still experiencing muscle (or nerve? i cannot quite differentiate it) and joint pain in arms, hands and fingers. I Feel restless and can't sit down and just "be", still very anxious; that gut anxiety is not leaving me. Headache us only mild at the moment but I have that "brain wave" feeling quite requently, or dizziniess, I can never really describe it; as is walking on waves. Oh and rapid involuntary eye movement when I read that lasts a split if a second.

So this sfternoon I plan on taking 6,25mg as per manmaP suggestion.

 

Today while reflecting on this whole movement of recovery from psychiatry I drew a parrallel to my own proffession as a midwife. Whenever me medicalise birth, it more often than not leads to unnessecary conplications at birth (emergency césarienne section, vaccum extraction if the baby, and so forth,...) and when it happens, patients believe that the dictor was there to save the situation, the mother or the baby from horrific catastrophy. Had we not interviened in the first place, the cascade of unnesseceray interventions and complications had not need to be.

I believe for the same to be with psych drugs... Many if you have cone to this conclusion many times ago but for me it's sort of an "aha" moment.

I am staying with you guys here.

Again, thank you for tremendous support.

[Nathalou]

Oh and my arms feel very weak and i tremble in my hands quite a bit.

[Fresh]

I hope you notice some difference tomorrow Nathalou.   We all have our fingers crossed for you.

 

xxx

[Nathalou]

I would like to share a poem written by Laura Delano, founder of the site Recovering from psychiatry. She was on a multitude if psychiatric drugs from age 14 to 27. She alttempted suicide at age 25. She is now 32 and completely off psych drugs. Truly an inspiration. Her poem spoke to me on a deep level today and brought me hope. I hope you like it, too. (Moderators feel free to move if this is not the appropriate place to post it)

 

"say NO,

shout it from the rooftops,

ooze it from your pores,

whisper it,

write it,

paint it,

perform it,

throw it against the prison walls of authority.

 

in a society that trains us to say yes,

that praises conformity,

and tricks us into seeing,

difference as disease,

resistance as insanity,

defiance as defectiveness

we must never forget

the power

that

comes

from

NO"

- Laura Delano

[Nathalou]

"Waking" after another sleepless night. The nerve pain and numbness in my arms and severe anxiety kept me awake until 05am. I finally surrendered out of desperation and took 1,5mg temesta and 50mg Trazolan. I only slept 4h and woke up with even worse anxiety, suicidal thought and utter exhaution, utter desperation to find relief to all this suffering. Why can't I sleep? Why does my heart race like crazy for the last month? I feel destroyed, without life and without hope. Yesterday i took 12,5mg sertr abd don't know if i should take the sane dose roday ir half it. I'm beggining to doubt it's withdrawal...maybe I have fibromyalgia? The symptoms fit. Tomorrow I have to see the psychiatrist(i am living with my parents currently and they oblige me to, and ask if i take my pills correctly...) and I don't know if i should tell him the truth or just try to put on a smile (however faking a smile is almost impossible nowadays).

I just hope and oray that i sleep tonight, i should i suppose since I have only slept for 4h the ladt two nights.

 

Oh utter dedpair..

[Fresh]

Hey   Nathalou ,    do try and stick with the plan . . . take the 12.5mg sertraline today.

 

Sometimes it can help not to focus on the sleep you're not getting.    Try to lay down and let your body rest - it's probably exhausted and needs to rest.   It doesn't matter if you don't sleep , that's common in severe withdrawal.

None of your fears , or thoughts , or the strange sensations you get in your body can hurt you or kill you.   They come , and they go.    Like when you feel so desperate and scared , it comes , then it goes away again.

You may not sleep tonight , and tell yourself that that's okay.   When your brain needs to fall asleep it will.    Try to relax.

 

Sending a hug , I've been there too. 

[Nathalou]

I think I will take 12,5mg today.

The sleeping pills (trazolan) make me worse I think, and the temesta has no effect anymore I feel.

Tears of pure despair, pure consternation are flooding down my cheeks, burning my skin. I am a shadow of the once vibrant young woman I was. I have lost faith in any God, in humanity. I try to reach out to the universe, hoping it hears my calls of despair.

[imac]

Today while reflecting on this whole movement of recovery from psychiatry I drew a parrallel to my own proffession as a midwife. Whenever me medicalise birth, it more often than not leads to unnessecary conplications at birth (emergency césarienne section, vaccum extraction if the baby, and so forth,...) and when it happens, patients believe that the dictor was there to save the situation, the mother or the baby from horrific catastrophy. Had we not interviened in the first place, the cascade of unnesseceray interventions and complications had not need to be.

I believe for the same to be with psych drugs... Many if you have cone to this conclusion many times ago but for me it's sort of an "aha" moment.

I am staying with you guys here.

Again, thank you for tremendous support.

What a great revelation you've had! It's exactly right!!

[imac]

I would like to share a poem written by Laura Delano, founder of the site Recovering from psychiatry. She was on a multitude if psychiatric drugs from age 14 to 27. She alttempted suicide at age 25. She is now 32 and completely off psych drugs. Truly an inspiration. Her poem spoke to me on a deep level today and brought me hope. I hope you like it, too. (Moderators feel free to move if this is not the appropriate place to post it)

"say NO,

shout it from the rooftops,

ooze it from your pores,

whisper it,

write it,

paint it,

perform it,

throw it against the prison walls of authority.

in a society that trains us to say yes,

that praises conformity,

and tricks us into seeing,

difference as disease,

resistance as insanity,

defiance as defectiveness

we must never forget

the power

that

comes

from

NO"

- Laura Delano

Omg. This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing this. Rings very true and hits home when in this situation. I recall over the ENTIRE 13 years being on meds, I ignored my instincts. All the whispers over the years for me to GET OFF THE MEDS. I did try several times during those years but as I hit WD and every doctor and psychiatrist told me I was mentally ill and needed the medication, I went against my instincts. Being raised in a society where we rely on and put out lives in the hands of our doctors, I didn't want to believe they had any other motive but my best interest at hand. I didn't want to believe they could be wrong because it scared me. Who could I rely on? Well, I've gained so much strength from this experience and now can trust myself 100% and I now know to always follow my instincts.

After you posted on my topic today, I thought I would come over and read yours. Nathalou, I swear, I feel like I was reading my own posts from when I was 6 months off of Zoloft ( and any other psych med). My heart breaks for you to have to go through this. It feels identical. All your symptoms. My doctor did the same thing, pushed me to go all the up to 75mg. I nearly killed myself with the akathisia it caused and also had the burning pain all over. I quickly dropped to 50 only after after trying 75 for a few days then quickly down to 25. It disgusts me. The more I complained and felt worse the higher the doctors kept trying to get me on meds. I guess they were hoping at some point I'd be so drugged I wouldn't notice what was happening. It was ME who had to make the decision to get off the meds, even in that state. I could see that my doctor had no idea what she was doing.

Anyhow, I am 3.5 years off all meds now and can finally say that I've gotten to the other side of HELL!! Keep in mind, it's taken me this long probably because I dropped after 12.5 mg and tapered from 75 - 12.5 VERY fast ( approx one month). Still left with a slew of symtoms but I am no longer in desperate mode!!

Please feel free to reach out to me via PM, should you feel like talking to someone who was in a similar situation. I also understand that fear of who to believe. Especially when we are so compromised we feel like we can't believe our own intuition.

[JanCarol]

Hi Nathalou, I'm sorry you've been through the wringer again.  So are you on 12.5 or 6.25 mg sertraline?

 

Whichever you choose - please keep it the same.  We don't know what is happening with you unless you keep it the same.  You don't know, either, because these up and down changes make things wobbly, and destabilize you.

 

The Trazolan is NOT a sleeping pill!  It is an antidepressant!  Is a seratonin agonist and uptake inhibitor (SARI) and can make your symptoms worse!  Even if you are desperate, Say NO! (as in the poem)  If you want antihistaminic effects, can you find some over the counter benadryl (diphenhydramine hcl) instead?  At least that only affects histamine, and while it's not the best choice (it is habit forming, and it poops out if you use it nightly) it's better than the trazolan.  Taking trazolan with sertraline, well.

 

From Drugs.com/interactions checker:

 

 

trazodone ↔ sertraline

Applies to: trazodone, sertraline

Using traZODone together with sertraline can increase the risk of a rare but serious condition called the serotonin syndrome, which may include symptoms such as confusion, hallucination, seizure, extreme changes in blood pressure, increased heart rate, fever, excessive sweating, shivering or shaking, blurred vision, muscle spasm or stiffness, tremor, incoordination, stomach cramp, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. Severe cases may result in coma and even death. You should seek immediate medical attention if you experience these symptoms while taking the medications. Talk to your doctor if you have any questions or concerns. Your doctor may already be aware of the risks, but has determined that this is the best course of treatment for you and has taken appropriate precautions and is monitoring you closely for any potential complications. It is important to tell your doctor about all other medications you use, including vitamins and herbs. Do not stop using any medications without first talking to your doctor.

 

The most important thing you can do now (besides waiting, and waiting some more) is to keep the doses the same EVERY DAY.  No more switching.  You can hurt yourself if you keep switching like this. 

 

As for that psychiatrist (friend of the family?) - there are many of us who do not trust them to tell them what we are doing.  What we do here is not on track with what they are trained to believe.  It's like swimming upstream to try and convince them that you have found a better way.  Maybe best just to keep silent.  Nod and say yes I'm taking my meds (you are, this is a truth), and say something like, "things are still rough but getting better" 

 

I'm lucky I don't have to lie to my psychiatrist - but most people here are not so lucky, and just ask for the scripts, to do their own tapers at their own speed.  Then, when the taper is done, they just don't get another appointment!

 

I've found that, sometimes, telling as much of the truth as you can, is real enough to get them off your back.  But not the whole truth.  You are not obligated to spill your emotions every time, and in fact, to do so, will make them want to give you more drugs.

 

Let me know how it goes!

[Nathalou]

JanCarol- the psychiatrist is not a family friend, it's the psychiatrist that is seeing me at the hospital where I was admitted at the psych ER with severe anxiety two weeks ago and last week. He is now seeing me "post crisis" and he was the one to insist on reinstatement, he is slso the one who prescribed Trazolan for sleep. I did ask about the sertraline-trazolan interaction, he said there was nothing to worry about...

He met with my parents aswell last week. I shed a tear in front if him today, naturally, when explaining my emotional pain but I also nodded when he asked if I am taking the 50mg dose of the sertraline, as prescribed. "Yes, doctor, I am a good and compliant mental health patient and I believe my emotions are a result of a chemical imbalance, just as stated in your DSM-VI, rather than an expression of withdrawal and the fact that I am a human, thinking beeing. A being that maybe thinks to much for your liking". I did not say that but I thought it deep in my heart.

 

I am taking 12,5mg and plan to do so for a few weeks. I have asked at the pharmacy and they do have liquid Sertraline, when I decide to taper down.

 

Today has been an okay day, the headache has been quite bothersome and the twiching muscles too. I also have thriat pain very very frequently, as if i'm catching a cold all the time. My left ear and face are very painful (neuralgia?) and the arm pain in hetting worse this evening. Oh well. Atleast there are times in the day when I feel okay.

 

I will try an Atarax tonight before bed, fingers crossed. I have been longing so badly for a full nights refreshing sleep, oh how geavenly that would be!

 

Again, so grateful for this community of inspirational, helpful souls.

[Fresh]

You are a strong woman Nathalou ,  you're going to get past this.   Do you have a bath?

[Nathalou]

JanCarol, mammaP- help!

Today I feel horrendous, muscles twiching all over my body (you cannot really see it with the bare eye but I feel it). I took an Atarx before bed (antihistamine) but woke up after 3h with this bizarre deeling of spinning in my bed and with every breath I took, I had electrical "shots" down my spine. Ofcourse also nerve/muscle and joint pain. And a sensation of unimaginable restlessness and severe anxiety. I took a temesta 1,25 and had a superficial sleep for a couple of hours.

Could it be the atarax? Or tge fact that I am not taking the trazolan? Or maybe just physical exhaustion of my body? I am being patient and keeping 12,5mg on my sertraline but i don't know jow much more patient one can be? Every day is just so much suffering.

[mammaP]

It could be the atarax, when the nervous system is destabilised we can't tolerate things the same. I remember taking benadryl once when I was in withdrawal and had a horrific night, and felt dreadful for the next 24 hours.  Try and stay calm and relax. A tall order when you are suffering so badly but try and ride it for now. I can't remember the details of trazolan, can you remind me? Did you take it regularly? When did you stop?   Can you include the details of that in your signature for us? Your thread now has 4 pages and getting hard to find details. 

 

If you can get some right now I would run a deep warm bath and add 3 cups of epsom salts. It is very calming and amazing for the muscle and joint pain. I would not be without it now and buy in bulk at 10kg a time.  Try not to panic hun, you will be ok. 

[Nathalou]

I have updated my status. I only took the trazolan thursday (100mg) friday (50mg) and saturday (50mg) and monday 100mg.

I'd say the worse right now is the horrid anxiety and restlessness, I want to jump out of my own skin. I hope I can be able to recover even if the reinstatement fails. Oh mammaP i am so frightened..

[mammaP]

I have just read through your thread again from the beginning.  The most important thing for you is stability. The trazolan will have destabilised you and when the nervous system is unstable things we can normally take have adverse effects, and it looks like that has happened with atarax.  

I still think that 12.5 is too high, when we have quit a med and go into withdrawal the body can't always tolerate the same doses.  add the other drugs and the result is a nightmare. I am so sorry that it has gone this way for you, no-one deserves this and it makes me so cross that doctors just don't accept what their drugs do to people. If I were you now I would go to 6.5 and sit out the symptoms.They are horrific but there are no quick fixes. When your mummies are in labour and they want it to stop, ( I changed my mind in the second stage and wanted out!)  you tell them there is no choice they have to go through it but support them and try to calm their fears. We are trying to calm yours. Like labour this will end, unfortunately not as fast but it will end and things will get better.

 

 I saw that you don't find magnesium baths helpful, I absolutely love them but can't tolerate hot water, if it is hot I get all kinds of unpleasant symptoms but comfortably warm and it is very therapeutic for me.   I feel for you so much, it is an awful situation that you are in but it will get better.   Are the symptoms  getting any better as the day goes on?  Hang in there, take each day as it comes, get through that one, then the next. One day you will see an improvement and I hope that day is very soon. 

[Nathalou]

Dearest mammaP, today has been dreadful. I feel numb and without emotion. The inner tremor and vibrations make me extremely restless and nervous and let's not speak about the anxiety.... And that spaced out feeling of "walking on waves" or ratger, the head beeing in waves. The days pass like this and I have no perception of the time passing. Everything is void.Yes, you are right the Trazolan may have made me go off course. I will not take it again.

I have been on 12,5mg sertr since 4 days with no improvement. You mean I can reduce to half a tablet and not do the liquid tapering?

 

I wish, like a little girl, that someone would hug me and tell me it will all be alright. You guys gere are getting pretty close to that.

[Nathalou]

Just to clarify today it has been 2weeks since reinstating and I have only had 4 days in a row with the same dosage (these past 4 days at 12,5mg).

[Nathalou]

I don't feel the symptoms get better really during the days, it's so fluctuating. But anxiety is always worse upon wakening (debilitating) and alleviated a tiny bit during the day. Oh even writing this post is difficult for me as my eyes seem to move rapidly and the waves in my brain are making it hard.

[mammaP]

I understand completely, you've been having a terrible time and just wanted to feel better. Sdly hospitals don't do holding hands and hugs they do drugs and lots of them  .  As you said you have only been on the same dose for 4 days, and feeling worse than ever.There have been other drugs that will have  made things worse too. What ever you do, you need stability, the same dose of the same drug every day to stabilise. I would go for the 6.25, 1/4 tablet, but that is just me, the fact that you felt worse after updosing and it is different to the withdrawal shows it is too high. Whichever it is you need to stay there, no changes to allow your CNS to recover and settle down again. I am not promising that things will be great, but it could be much better and functional. There will no doubt be some windows and waves for a while but you should feel much better than you do now. 

 

I went shopping to get this for you.  A big squishy Mamma hug, and this one......

 

[Nathalou]

MammaP????

 

Another day in misery land... I slept okay thanks to 1/4 of 2,5mg lorazepam.

But in the day Dizziness galore, elecric zaps in body, flu-like feeling, muscle spasms, headache, akathidia, anxiety. Feeling completely detached from my surrounding, so desperately numb inside. Suicidal thoughts are very present today, all the time.

 

I am afraid now that the reinstatement has destroyed the 5 months off sertraline. I had been experiencing windows begin january (2 weeks!). Am I back to the start? I don't know how to handle that feeling of having ruined it all.

Am down first day at 6,25mg today , after 4 days on 12,5mg with no improvement.

 

Why carry on? What's the purpose if this is the life I am supposed to endure? Feeling SO hopeless, sad, frightened.

[Pugknows]

Hang in there ((((Nathalou))). You will emerge from this wave and even out. In the meantime, just let the symptoms come and go as they will, with or without your permission, anyway. Try not to despair and ruminate. Its the hardest thing for me to keep at bay, the hopelessness. We will get beyond all this. We just don't know when and that's the toughest pill to swallow, except of course, the pills we swallowed that got us into this mess in the first place. Sending hugs your way.

[Fresh]

Hi  Nathalou ,    how have you been doing?     We haven't heard and I'm wondering how you're feeling.

 

Fresh

[JanCarol]

Hey Nathalou, 

 

How are you?  Are you any better?  Have you stayed on 12.5 or gone to 6.5?  

 

I'm sorry this is so difficult right now.  I really feel for you, the confusion, the electrical sensations, the restlessness, the intrusive thoughts - all of it - can be attributed to withdrawal.  There is nothing wrong with you.

 

Please stop thinking about days.  You are not going to get better in days.  It will likely take months, and you might be able to notice differences in weeks, but never days.  

 

4 days on a stable dose - has that gone to 2 weeks now?  Anyhow, 4 days it not enough to know anything.  You were on the drug for awhile, it takes awhile to heal from it.  And going up and down and up and down again - well - your brain is not a rubber ball, and doesn't react well to these changes!

 

Learn to wait.  To stop, to hold, to wait, and then when the symptoms settle down - then you can make a decision.  I don't think you ruined your entire taper, But you may have sensitized (or desensitized) yourself to the drug with all of these changes, which could increase your healing time.

 

Just plan on this taking awhile.  Learn to distract yourself while you are waiting for the horrible wave to pass.  Do you play a musical instrument?  Or maybe you like to draw?  Or maybe you like to play stupid FB games (I do) or watch silly TV shows - or maybe you like walking in parks and nature, or planting plants for a spring garden?  Distract yourself.  Find a friend and listen to their problems.  While you are listening to them - really listening to them - and caring about them - you forget about your pain for a short time.  There are a zillion ways to distract yourself from the pain of withdrawal, and maybe learn some coping skills while you do.

 

We never come out of this the same as we were before.  We are stronger and wiser, and better equipped to deal with life.

 

Look at this to see if there is anything you can learn about how to help your symptoms when you are in a wave.

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/

[Nathalou]

Hi guys wow there have been things going on. So I did updose again up to 25 mg for five days after having been on 6,25 for three days. I saw a neurologist who sais she had experience in the field. The inner restlessness became unbearable as did the muscle spasm (they are constant) and the brain zaps. So i do think i have done much wrong dince reinstating., then went back to 5mg with the liquid sertraline since two days. Indeed i have been doing much up and downs one good news; i found a neuropsychiatrist in my town who worked with Dr Healy! I went to see him on thursday and he totoally confirmed that all the symptoms are withdrawal. He told me to stop sertraline all together. I don't know how i feel about this? I have been back on for a month but only going up and down (nonsense but i attribute ut to my veing totoally conpletely lost and desperate). I feel worse now and even more puzzled. I do not know what to do.

 

I have new and worse symptoms since reinstating; worse vrain zaps, muscle spasm constantly, headache, feeling as if my head is wrapped in fog, rapid eyes moving (or it feels like it), worse anxiety etc etc.

 

I felt extremely suicidal this morning because of never ending symptoms, because i was frightened i messed everything up..

 

I honestly do not know what to do. Stay on liquid 5mg? Stop all together as the doctor said and tetoxify my body? I don't know, even more lost and hopeless. Some days i feel i won't get through this alive, it's so utterly horrible.

[Nathalou]

Jancarol, it's so hard to focus on anything else. I have gone back to work but it's a big struggle since i don't sleep well (3-4h a night) but am so afraid to take the temesta.. I am a zombie and do nothing else than struggle to get to work the back home.

 

I think i might call the neuropsychiatrist again tomorrow and ask him to see me and tell him that i am so completely list and that he has to give me concrete advise.

[Nathalou]

I have horrible thoughts of stepping in front of busses, cars, jumping from buildings... To summarize; i am catasthrophing everything and getting worse, i suppose it's my own fault

[clearday]

Hi Nathalou,

 

I just read over your story. Sorry to hear about your struggle. But you will get through this. Your body just needs to adjust. It will take time.

 

So reinstatement is always a gamble, like so many said, it may work, or it may not. 

 

I survivied two cold turkeys and am doing pretty good these days. I would never recommend a cold turkey, but I just didn't know any better.

 

I had three months of the bizarre insomnia you are talking about last summer and fall. It was horrible, similar to yours. I took small Xanax to get through the tough spots. It was either take the Xanax or go to the ER. Lucky I had the Xanax. Just a small amt (.125 -25 mg) bumped me to sleep. Once the insomnia wave was over, I stopped the Xanax. For me, no problems coming off the Xanax.

 

After the three months of insomnia, I am now sleeping better than I have for all five years while on Lexapro. My brain has restored my deep REM patterns that we all need to get restorative sleep. During my "insomnia wave" my brain was trying to get back to the normal sleep architecture I had before I went on the meds. I have had four months now of every night great sleep. I can't believe I can say that!

 

Of course you are catastrophising right now. Going through prolonged insomnia along with other dysautonomia will do that. You need to know that once you decide how to proceed from here - whether going off the meds or stablising on a reinstatement - that your body will eventually get back to normal -

 

When going through hell, just keep going - just keep breathing - just keep fighting - forget about suicidal ideations, we all have done that, it just doesn't help -  you're going to live and you're going to feel better eventually -

[Nathalou]

Clearday, your post brought tremendous reassurance, I just broke down in tears. Thank you☀️ It's funny how withdrawal does that; get ypu craving for reassurance over and over and over again..

[Nathalou]

You had withdrawal for three years? Oh goodness...

[clearday]

You had withdrawal for three years? Oh goodness...

 

I just didn't feel right for three years. It wasn't all horror. I was just unusually fatigued, eyes sensitive to light, brain fog, dysthymia. (My story is on my thread in case you're interested. But don't feel obliged to read it! You need to focus on your own recovery.) 

 

I never knew what was wrong with me the whole time. I thought I just had stress damage or some other unknown illness.

 

If I knew it was WD, I would have taken better steps to promote recovery and healing. 

 

But all the symptoms from Prozac WD I had for those three years are all largely gone. Now I'm just dealing with Lexapro WD.

 

Your recovery will probably be shorter, every one is different. 

 

I have had many good days - great days - and I will have many more. So will you.

 

You will be dealing with this for some time. TIME is the great healer in this game.

[clearday]

 It's funny how withdrawal does that; get ypu craving for reassurance over and over and over again..

 

Withdrawal can be an absolute horror show. It's amazing we survive it.

 

Your body wants to heal and get back to normal. 

 

The windows you have had show you how you will feel once you begin to stabilize. Your body can work just fine.

 

Take care of it, eat right, avoid undue stress. Hang tough and be patient. 

 

You are young and in a great position to heal and recover. I am 50ish and my body is doing amazing healing right now. 

 

I don't need these meds, I am happy and energetic. I will never go back on these meds, for me they are poisons.

[pieuw]

Hi Nathalou,

 

How are you doing today?

Thanks for the doctor's addresses. I will probably go and see one of them if I decide to taper further (which will only be in a couple of months, though).

 

Take care!

[Nathalou]

Omg, you guys, I think I had a window today! A small tiny window. I woke up with gut wrenching anxiety so bad I had to throw up to relieve it. Had only slept 4 hours. Felt extremely desperate and called my new psychiatrist telling him I had bad suicidal ideas. He reassured me saying it's not me, it's the drugs and thant I should stay safe and call again if I needed. Oh that was such a blessing. Went to work, had headache, dizzyness, and then, in the afternoon, the anxiety subsided, only mild headache and clarity of mind, no fog for a couple of hours. Oh goodness it was bliss! I felt like rebirth. Tonight I feel wuite dizzy again with brainzaps etc but not extremely bad. Today I feel I shall live to tell my story. I shall live and recover to speak about the damage that has been caused us.

I hope I don't wake up suicidal again but I can totally understand why people get diagnosed "bipolar" while in wthdrawal...