FearJunky: Please Help - 13-14 months getting better but not now

[FearJunky]

Hi All,

Been lurking here for awhile. I cannot thank you enough for this site. I knew I wasn't crazy and this site confirmed it for me. Now I'm dealing with something different.  As you can see in my signature I was on benzos and AD for around a year much of that time both at the same time.  I tapered my Z over the course of 1 month.  The first day I cut it in half.  I now realize I should've tapered this over several months.

 

Anyway, I was enjoying the waves and windows and on a glacial perspective getting SLOOOOWLY better over 13-14 months.  Zero Meds!

 

I then had an unfortunate incident which appears to all be because I decided on a life style change. I started walking on my treadmill, eating right and even started juicing.  Turns out I was in standard fashion for me "pushing too hard."  I ended up convinced something was wrong with my heart.  The anxiety was bad.  I ended up in the ER, having a stress test and an echocardiogram.  Turns out it wasn't my heart.  Unfortunately during this time I was dealing with a lot of constant anxiety because I thought something was very wrong with my heart.  I ended up taking a .5mg Xanax one day and then 2 - 1mg klonopin the next day.  I then went almost 2 weeks with zero meds again.  I had one more really horrible day and took one more 1mg K pill.

 

The last couple weeks have been hell.  Today was extremely bad.  Have any of you had a major set back like this and ended up taking a benzo or something similar?  Did it throw your whole recovery process out the window?  Any idea how much longer it might get worse?  Any idea when I might look forward to being back on my prior recovery track?

 

Thought I'd also mention I started 400mg magnesium glycinate twice daily about two weeks ago.  I also take fish oil daily.

 

Thank you in advance for your time and hopefully responses. 

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Welcome to the site and thank you for filling out your signature. I am having a bit of difficulty figuring out all that you did and the time period in which you did it but it sounds to me that you started taking zoloft, got the dose up to 100 mg and then quickly went to zero. It seems as though your body started reacting to this and you were experiencing the autonomic nervous system upset we call withdrawal syndrome and not as a result of you making 'lifestyle changes'. Symptoms like increasing anxiety and 'something with your heart' which may have been palpitations. I had them horribly and they were the first symptom that something was going wrong with me and did not happen until after I had been off all my drugs for a whole year. And mine actually started as a result of exercise too.

 

You then attempted to treat this with xanax and klonopin and have had brief periods of feeling well, is that right? But you are are now wondering what to do. It is not so much that your 'recovery' has been interrupted but that your exercise program (and maybe just the passage of time) appears to have shown that your body is now reacting to the precipitious drop in zoloft. These drugs cannot be stopped and started that rapidly or that easily without incurring some consequences. Usually we recommend taking a bit of the antidepressant you stopped because this usually gives relief from withdrawal symptoms. You then continue with this bit of medication until your symptoms stabilize and then very slowly taper off the drug so as not to upset your system again. But I am not clear just when you started the AD, how long you were on each dose and how long it has been since you have stopped taking it. Could you fill in those blanks for us?

 

It is a very good idea to keep taking the magnesium (just lower the dose of it a bit if it gives you problems but try to stay on it if you can) and the fish oil as per our recommendations in the Symptoms and Self Care forum here:

 

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

You also may want to go easy on the exercise and the juicing. Several of our members have had spikes in symptoms as a result of exercising too hard and beginning juicing. The body (even though these things are good for us) often reacts with alarm to drastic changes such as these. you can usually take these things up when a great deal of recovery has happened without incurring consequences. A half hour a day of gentle walking is recommended and this seems to calm the nervous system.

[FearJunky]

My signature was my original year + with benzos and Zoloft. I was 13-14 months off all meds and had a real life anxiety period - my heart scare. I then proceeded to take a few benzos and ever since have had a really bad and worsening 2-3 weeks. Thanks for the reply and let me know if this still isn't making sense.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

I am still confused because I have no dates to look at to put things into any kind of order or perspective.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

What month and year did you start the zoloft and also the xanax and what month and year did you start the K? And then what month and year dis you stop everything and then what month and year did you start something again? You don't have to really put the times of day, we just need a clear timetable.

 

Kind of like this:

 

1971-81  Valium

1982-88 L******* 50 mg

 

2013 D*** 50mg Clo*** Zolft 25mg

 

I edited it a bit, copied it from someone else for an example.

[ang]

Hello and welcome.... Fear Junky

 

Seems like your heart is OK?  Thats good...  Anxiety, panic attacks, and more, all part of the healing  tis all.  Hope you are feeling a bit better, my quote is "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself"...............  .....................  I hope you are well enough to write your signature like was said above.  You done lots better than me, took me about two weeks before I unmuddled my brain enough to write anything logical.

 

I am in Australia, best wishes from Downunder.

[Rhiannon]

I was 13-14 months off all meds and had a real life anxiety period - my heart scare. I then proceeded to take a few benzos and ever since have had a really bad and worsening 2-3 weeks. Thanks for the reply and let me know if this still isn't making sense.

 

FJ it makes sense to me, and you are so not alone. I personally haven't been through this but I've seen a lot of other folks go through it.

 

What it seems like to me is that we improve and gain stability, but it's a fragile stability. We can't really tell that we're fragile because we're finally feeling a bit better, so we push our luck. And things that would barely have touched us in the past just throw us totally for a loop and back into withdrawal symptoms.

 

You are SO not the first person to do this!

 

And it's not uncommon to get a big wave out of the blue at this point in recovery anyway, even without such an obvious instigating cause.

 

Unfortunately there are no easy answers for getting through it. You just have to practice the same kind of gentle self-care that you already know how to do. Regular schedule, no caffeine or alcohol, gentle exercise (walking is best), healthy diet (whatever you find works for you), avoid sugar and refined starches. I think you probably know the drill.

 

Since you were experiencing gradual improvement before I feel pretty confident you'll stabilize again eventually. It will probably take longer than you'd like. 

 

And now you know, you're more fragile than you think. Best to keep things pretty gentle and self-nurturing for a couple more years, as much as possible (which of course, life being what it is, you can only do your best.)

[FearJunky]

Thank you for the responses so far! I will update my sig with dates to further clarify. I'll post again after I do this.

[FearJunky]

Finally updated my timeline - unfortunately I'm back on meds

[FearJunky]

I need support now so I hope that I won't be treated poorly for getting back on meds.  I'm not sure if this happens on this site.  I had a 2 week event where I thought I was having a heart attack or something was very wrong with my heart.  There were physical symptoms such as pain right where your heart is located and also numbness in arms and chest.  Anyway this set off a horrible chain of events.  I had to take a few different benzos during this time and then within a few days of my symptoms subsiding I developed obsessive thoughts about events that happened over 25 years ago.  These unwanted obsessive thoughts brought me to the verge of suicide.  Luckily I decided to talk with those I love the most.  Unfortunately I was unable to pull out of this hole and decided I needed help.

 

After my original interaction with these meds I thought Zoloft was terrible and I would never go back on it.  Now looking back and analyzing my timeline and learning about withdrawal symptoms and how long it takes to get back to normal I believe the short time I was on Zoloft without Klonopin I was most likely dealing with horrible withdrawals form the Klonopin because of how I tapered.  I also believe the 13 months of no meds was hell on earth because of how I tapered off of Zoloft.  I did progress over this time it was extraordinarily slow but nevertheless it was getting better.

 

Because of my prior experience with Zoloft I decided to try another brand of AD.  I spoke with friends and acquaintances and Effexor kept coming up.  

 

I am EXTREMELY sensitive to medications.  I've been prescribed narcotic pain killers in the past and hated how they made me feel.  I've had withdrawal symptoms from Ibuprofen.  

 

The first day I took 75mg Effexor I experienced a lot of additional anxiety and it was different than what I've experienced before.  I assumed from things I've read this can be a normal initial reaction to Effexor.  I've stuck with the Klonopin and after 2 weeks things were going ok.  Then I had another episode of different type anxiety which I believe was from the Effexor again which led into It some of the hell on earth - losing my grip on reality feelings I experienced after I quite all meds.  The feelings that make you believe suicide is the only way to escape.  I took some additional Klonopin and 1.5-2 hours later it disappeared.  

 

I went to see my Dr. and after a little conversation we decided to increase my Effexor to 150mg which on one hand seems very counterproductive since I think the anxiety and other craziness was from the Effexor but on the other hand I've read and talked to people that say this can happen and may subside after increasing the dose.

 

My questions to you all - what are you thoughts on my experience with Effexor?  Might it still work?  If I were to switch to another AD such as Zoloft what would be the BEST method to do so to try to minimize the losing grip on reality crazy times?

 

I've tried all sorts of things before getting back on AD and meds.  I'm juicing, I'm eating whole foods, fruits and veggies, no processed foods, nuts, chicken, turkey and eggs, fish oil, magnesium, multivitamins, wholly eating right and taking the right supplements.  I'm exercising as I have for years and also increasing it.  I've lost a lot of weight.  I've read and implemented meditation and mindfulness.  I really believe I've tried everything I could and believe at least for awhile I need these meds.

 

Please let me know your thoughts overall and specifically to my questions.  Thank you so much for your time!

[Petunia]

Hi FearJunky,

I joined your new intro topic with your original one, its one introduction/update thread per member.  You can use this thread as your ongoing journal to track progress, write about symptoms, ask questions and communicate with the community, add to it whenever you want.

 

I'm a bit confused, are you taking another antidepressant, or just considering it?  Are you taking any benzos regularly now?  If you are now taking Effexor, please would you add that to your signature, when did you start taking it?

 

Are you asking if we think you should increase your dose of Effexor or switch to a different drug?  You do realize this is a support site for coming off drugs?

 

I'd highly recommend reading Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker.

 

Petunia.

[FearJunky]

Thanks for your reply. Yes I'm very much aware this is a support site for getting of meds which I hope to do again in the near future. I'm simply looking for support from those that have inside knowledge and more experience with these meds and how to maneuver through them.

[FearJunky]

And yes I'm back on an AD Effexor for about 2 weeks now along with .5 - 1 mg of Klonopin 1-2 times per day

[Petunia]

Thank you for clarifying that, please would you add those details to your signature, dates and dosages.

 

I'm sorry life has brought you to a place where you've found you have no option but to go back on drugs, I wish there was more support and resources in our society for non-drug methods of dealing with life problems.

 

The best advice I can give you is to take the lower dose of klonopin, twice a day, to keep it at a steady state in your bloodstream, this may alleviate any rebound, interdose withdrawal you may be getting from taking it irregularly.

 

If you have only been on the effexor for 2 weeks, you should be able to come off it fairly quickly.  I understand that you are looking for advice about increasing the dose or changing to another drug, but we don't offer that kind of help.

 

My guess is that you were recovering nicely, but slowly from your protracted withdrawal, but the 2 week event set off a wave of symptoms, this can often happen and its possible to get through it without going back on drugs.  If you would have come here for support before going to your doctor, we may have been able to talk you through it.  That's what we are here for.

 

But, what's done is done and now we can help you get back to where you were in your recovery process, if that's what you would like.  I still suggest you read the book I linked to, if you haven't already, it will help you understand why these drugs don't 'work' even though they sometimes appear to, at first anyway.

 

If you decide to follow the advice of your doctor or friends, and stick with the drugs, that's fine and we will be here when you are ready to taper off again.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, FJ.

 

How are you feeling now that you've been taking Effexor? How much are you taking?

[FearJunky]

Thank you Alto! I'm better. Im not on the verge of killing myself. Without the meds I wouldn't be here. Ultimately my goal is to try and level out on one AD. SLOWLY get back off Klonopin and once leveled out again and with the help of therapy I will again hopefully get off all psychotropics EXTREMELY SLOWLY. I think that was my biggest mistake the first go round - tapering way too fast.

 

Making the conscience decision to get back on an AD and actually putting that first pill in my mouth was quite literally one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

 

I told my loved ones AD would be my 2nd to last resort and after weeks of battling I had to give in. I felt like such a failure after enduring so much pain and progress for 13 months.

 

I think it was a perfect storm of unrelenting real life anxiety (my heart scare) and my mind being fragile and also taking a few meds that did me in. Of course the obsessive thoughts were a big part of it.

 

I'm not entirely sure Effexor is the right one for me yet but the last couple days have been pretty good. I just recently bumped to 150mg per day. It's a very nice break from the living hell I was in.

 

Thank you again for responding and asking questions.

[Rhiannon]

FJ, hang in there. When you're ready to taper, we'll be here.

 

Meanwhile let me leave you with my mantra: "the lowest possible dose of the fewest possible meds that I can possibly manage on." In particular, keep that Klonopin low, and don't bounce around on doses taking more one day and less another. Take the same amount at the same time every day, as little as you think you can manage to get by with. It's not an easy drug to taper off of so the less your body gets dependent on, the better.