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☼ bloodrush: Help me. Recovery after Antipsychotics. Meditation

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bloodrush

Hello everyone. I'm happy that I found your website. I thought my life is ruined, but I read success recovery stories and I have a hope now. I was crying for about 20 minutes while I was reading.

 

I don't know If I should tell you the whole story, cause it's a very very sad story. But for me the most important thing is to get answers to my questions. the brief story: I used some drugs for about one year: esctasy, some cocaine, LSD (twice only) and weed. After I stopped taking drugs health problems started: heavy hallucinations, voices, heavy paranoia, uncontrolled rage attacks and more. I got arrested for running naked in a street with a baseball bat and they put me into psiciatric hospital for 2 weeks and put on zyprexa.

 

I hated zyprexa and I stopped taking it after 2 weeks. I was going to doctors and psycologists for some time and they gave me a little help. After 2 years I got fully recovered. But my best friend commited a suicide and I was very depressed, friends told me to smoke some weed , they said I will forget it for some time and will feel better. They gave me strong holland weed (white I think) I smoked it, just a little bit, and instantly went crazy. crazy For real, seriosly crazy. ( damn Im crying again :()

 

I wont tell you all the horror I passed, dont think its so important. I was sick for two weeks, couldnt sleep and eat, when I couldnt handle all that hallucinations no more I did a horrible thing. the worst thing the person can do (omg Im crying again, cant see what Im typing) I got arrested and they put me in jail. At the begginnig I refused to take medicines, cause I thought they want to kill me. After 17 days without sleeping and heavy hallucinations I gave up and started to take medicines. They started with zyprexa, it wasnt helping at all, so they passed on Risperdal 3 times a day 3ml (9ml a day total) and zoloft 1 pill a day dont remember dosage.

 

After 1 year after all investigations judge and medics transfered me into psychiatric hospital, the bad one. they added me Depakin also, but I was spitting it, cause the pill was too big and I just didnt like it, and doctor cancelled it. Oh I forgot I was also taking Tavor all this time to sleep. Doctor cancelled it also. Problems with memory started, and I got fat +20 kilograms, I wasnt producing sperm, I was very lazy, sometimes had no energy to take a shower. After one year in that bad hospital they transfered me to a good one, to elite hospital. And things changed. I started diet, start exercize ( Im an athlete by the way) started playing table tennis, basketball, reading a lot watching music clips on tv, dancing.

 

After some time they took away Risperdal and put me on Abilify 15 mg in the morning and 15 in the evening. The same day they cancelled Risperdal my sperm production became ok, and erection also. I was very good, got build insane body in the gym in about 1,5 year, was very active. but noticed that I have some problems in thinking, They where making me IQ tests, IQ was pretty high 136 when I came into tht good hospital, and about 148-150 before I left it (it was different result on different tests) on 1 test there was 60 questions I gave all right answers, no mistakes. Im smart but I became like a computer. No emotions. I was laughing a lot, and understanding jokes, and having fun, but had problems with pleasures and visual thinking.

 

As soon as I got out I stopped taking medicines (doctors where saying I have to take it all my life to avoid getting crazy one day) Its already 4 month Im without medicines. first month was bad, I vas very sad, had no emotions at all. I was the robot, zombie, without personality, just a computer who just think. I found a girlfriend and she helps me a lot, now 4 month later I feel lil bit better, but still have problems and questions.

 

Please answer me guys. Thanks a lot.        1. how long ussualy takes full recovery after 4,5 years of antipsychotics? when I will start to feel pleasure, emotions? 2. doctors said that Its not recommended to have a baby for minimum 2years after I stop taking medicines, is that true? Will my child be healthy?  3. I was meditating when I was free, and I't was helping me  lot, I was feeling myself very good. The same day I started with medicins I could do it no more. I thought I will be able to do it when Im done with medicines, but I totaly cant. I feel nothing, can't meditate no more. I thing the problem is ruined dophamin receptors or some brain damage. If you have same problem please tell me.

 

4. Alcohol makes no effect on me no more, even If I drink a lot. I feed my head and face heavy, but thats it. No happiness, euphoria, nothing. I dont drink , just tried on a New Year and birthday. But this seems very strange to me. 5 When I drink coffe or take caffein for training it makes me feel like on cocaine for about 12 hours, very strong, Im shaking, sweating and get extremly exited. 6. When I play videogame (Dota 2) I get very exited too, and have unvoulantary face and tounge movements. It looks very very bad from a side. I heard this side effect will not pass, that its forever, is that true? Also after I play some games, and get very exited I recover after it about half a day. I feel like on ocaine too. My brain is like frozen, no emotions at all.

 

Thats it. I do a lot of sport, read a lot. eat very good, take vitamins, aminoacids. So will I fully recover someday? Will I get my emotions back? By the way I cried couple times, last time is now, and was feeling much better after it. I feel my brain working and I feel some emotions. But it happened only 2 times for now. Im also in contact with a lot of friends from hospital, so you will help them too anwering my question.

 

Thank's a lot guys. And good luck to recover if you have same situation.

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bubble

Hello Bloodrush and welcome to SA,

 

I'm very sorry for everything you have gone through and I am glad you were comfortable enough to share it with us.

 

I believe you will find  a lot of support for your recovery here and gain understanding about the way you are feeling.

 

I have read stories of people having extreme reactions to, as they call them, street or recreational drugs. It's pretty obvious they were the cause of your extreme states which were then managed by antipsychotic medication.

 

I will try to answer some of your questions: the road to recovery is individual but it can take some time. the recovery is gradual and comes in the windows and waves pattern:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-recovery/It does happen. 

 

A lot of people find that they can't meditate in withdrawal but  there is no such thing as damage. Our brains have a remarkable resilience and the ability to recover. What most of us can do is very a gentle meditative practice, focus on breathing and mindfulness meditation.

 

The other things you mentioned speak of a very sensitive nervous system and are also very common. When recovering from psychiatric drugs our brains are very, very sensitive. Even to what we eat and let alone to some more aggressive stimulants as you have found out. So avoiding them is the best strategy and a must: no alcohol, (of course no street drugs - but I think you wouldn't be tempted to touch those anyway), no coffeine, only gentle physical exercises. Video games are also too stimulating as you describe. So just stay away from them for the time being. 

 

The answer is actually to understand that these things are temporary and stay away from them and treat yourself gently until they go away. 

 

Vitamins can be very stimulating too. What vitamins are you taking? The rule here is less is more.

 

Briefly, your brain is telling you to avoid stimulation. All you have to do is listen to it. It's not permanent and it will go away faster if you accept it and learn to live with it until it passes.

 

Here are general tips which might be helpful for you: 

 

 

Our basic rules of succeeding with tapering off psychiatric drugs or recovering from withdrawal syndrome are the rules of 3KIS: Keep it simple. Keep it slow. Keep it stable.
 
1. Keep it simple.
 
When the body reacts, often it's difficult to tell what the cause might be. When you're tapering or trying supplements or other treatments, keeping it simple helps reduce confusion during trial-and-error. Keeping it simple minimize confounding factors. For example:
 
2. Keep it slow.
 
Many people become very sensitive to drugs and supplements after they've experienced withdrawal symptoms for even a short time. Do not count on taking the big risks you used to take. Make changes slowly.
 
Introducing a drug or supplement or changing a dosage very gradually gives you the ability to sample how it might affect you before you go too far.
 
 
2.d. Be patient, recovery is inconsistent and gradual. The nervous system is very complicated. It can repair itself, but it takes time to do this. In the meantime, you may experience The Windows and Waves Pattern of Recovery
 
3. Keep it stable.
 
The nervous system is delicate and very complicated. Normally, the autonomic system runs your body with numerous checks and balances, constantly gauging what hormones and transmitters need to be increased and which need to be decreased. Its job is to keep your body stable, at a tolerable temperature range, with everything running smoothly.
 
Psychiatric drugs interfere with the entire nervous system, not just the brain. This is why changing dosage of just one drug can affect your eyesight, your digestion, and your sleep. Taking psychiatric drugs affects the functions of the nervous system.
 
The nervous system, which works so hard to keep your body running smoothly, thrives on stability.
 
Thus, the nervous system does best in a stable environment. Help your nervous system adapt to life without drugs by maintaining as much stability as you can. This is the way you can take care of yourself and help your nervous system to recover. We are our own worst enemies when it comes to stressing our nervous systems! Examples:
 

3.b. Avoid binges. Even if you had no problems with them before, avoid overindulgence in alcohol, food, partying, sugar, staying up late, even exercise. All of these put the body and the nervous system under stress.
 
3.c. Manage emotional stress. Yes, that abusive relationship can be keeping you from recovering from withdrawal syndrome. You may wish to reduce contact with any people who tend to upset you. If you are an argumentative person, you may wish to minimize your confrontations.
 
3.d. Direct your time and efforts to pastimes that are calming or pleasurable. Calm is good for the nervous system. Always make time for a pleasant walk of at least a half-hour every day. Many people find a place for meditation in their lives because it makes them feel better. Spending time with pets or in nature ("forest bathing") can also be soothing. See our Symptoms and Self-Care forum for more suggestions.
 
3.e. Keep your daily circadian rhythm steady. Your body runs on a daily pattern governed by sunrise and sunset -- the circadian rhythm. Our bodies do best when we wake in the morning, go to sleep at night, and eat at about the same times every day. You may wish to reduce artificial light at night. Do what you can to maintain a regular daily schedule, this helps your nervous system function. See Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems.

 

 

I'm sure others will come with more tips and support. 

 

To help us give advice about your particular situation it would be good to put your drug history in your signature: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

Once again, welcome.

 

Bubble

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Martina23

Hello Bloodrush, I was surprised that you were so honest. It needed a lot of courage. I am also going through withdrawal myself. And actually your story helped me a lot as it showed me that the things are always changing and there is always a way out. It inspired a lot. I wish you a lot of luck in your withdrawal. You went through a lot, you deserve already a piece.

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Martina23

I meant a peace

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bloodrush

Thank's a lot guys!

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Fresh

Hi bloodrush ,   welcome to SA.    You'll find a lot of resources on here that can help you get through this - goodness knows you've been through a lot already.

 

You clearly have an extremely sensitive central nervous system and will need  to take this into account regarding everything you put into your body , even coffee.

 

Many people have wound up involved in the criminal justice system after drugs "made them crazy"  and I'm glad that's over for you.

 

So it's 4 months out from stopping everything , and the way you feel now is a phase you're passing through on your way to recovering.   Can you summarize what you were taking , doses , dates etc. in your signature?   It makes it easier for anyone reading this to understand at a glance , and comes up under your name each time you post.

 

I'm glad you're here.

 

Best wishes ,   Fresh

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bloodrush

I red an information about windows, in recovery process. (topic) and I remember this experience and understand that it's very good. Here's my massege from that topic 

Posted 06 February 2015 - 07:25 PM

Hi guys. I had a good window only once. very strong one. I was still on Abilify, but off from Risperdal for about 2 years. I was in the hospital, and I was watching an interesting cartoon ( The Croods Family) It was cool and funny, with some cool colors. In the end of the cartoon I got very emotional, and start crying. And vuala, I felt so good! Just like I was before all my tragic events. I was really happy, and emotional, with super cool feelings. I was so glad, I started training in my room, than I danced listening to nice music. This condition was lasting till I went to sleep. Woke up zombie as ussual :( Equilibrium guy :( (from the movie equilibrium u know it?)   So maby this is the way out? We have to watch some cool movies that give a lot of emotions? By the way my serotonine level is very good I think. Dophamin is my problem probably.

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westcoast

Hi Bloodrush, and welcome to S.A. I am sorry to hear about all you went through. The best way to heal, it seems, is to get off all drugs and find or create a safe environment. You sound very wise and it seems you are doing that.
 

I have been curious about mental health care in Ukraine, because I have some penpals there. (I'm half Ukrainian.) I wondered if they give out drugs like they do in the US, and it seems to be true.

 

I have had some good times during my recovery watching movies, too. Anything for a laugh! Cheech and Chong's "Up in Smoke" was so light-hearted and silly that it lifted my mood during a dark time (even though we know that marijuana can make some people do crazy things).

There is advice here on certain supplements to your diet that might help ease your symptoms. I have been doing well after adding magnesium, Taurine, turmeric, and coconut oil.

What kind of an athlete are you? I am not athletic, but I enjoy watching the famous Ukrainian boxer, Wlad Klitshko, win his fights on television. (I hear people are protesting against his brother, the mayor of Kiev, recently.)

WC

 

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westcoast

You asked some specific questions, to which I do not know the answers. Recovery can be fast or slow. But you are on the right track.

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bloodrush

Hi, mental care in Ukraine is horrable. We have no good doctors in this sector, and we have no medicine drugs cause it cost a lot. They give to people only Galaperidol an Ziclodol....  But we have very good surgery, i ve done 2 operations lately.First one on full anastesia. After operetion when I woke up, I was little high. My girlfriend came, and I was closing my eyes all a time, and seen us in a beatiful violet flower field. was listening to her voice and seen all those flowers, it was fantastic. I felt like in meditation....      In jail and psichiatric hospital I was recovered in another country. Don't know if it's good or not. Cause the law is different in different countries. In Ukraine if you recovered they make a special commition once a year , or once every 6 month. And if you came back to normal they let you go, uder sorveliance of course. And in other country you have just to do your time in hospital, they want to be sure that you will not make nothing bad again. Also in Ukraine theres a lot of corruption, and if you have money you can do really small time. Im not sure if I'ts right, But probably for such situation this is the best option. I dont tell details, and don't give personal information, sorry, I would like to but it's not good idea..... Wladimir Klitshko got really good lately:) Last fight is awsome. We also got new sensation fighters like Vasilij Lomachenko (olympic champion, and now pro champion) has more than 300 amateur fights. Also a cruiser guy name Aleksand Usik, also Olympic champion, now pro. we are very proud about it.... About vitamins I was taking really strong stuff for bodybuilders Animal Pak, you probably know it. But didn't see some sensational results..... Also reading now interesting book 'Mindfulness' but unfortunatly can't meditate :( But the book is still very good, really helps to control your thoughts and mental problems... I will check in the internet maby there's some exerises which help to recover and train brain receptors. There must be some fast way! Can massage help? Agopuncture? (insering needles in entire body) maby cold shower every day? It's cold now in Ukraine and I feel much better when I walk couple of hours a day and breathe cold air. Also we started to run, but my girlfriend got sick. When it will be warmer we will continue. I will try everything, I really don'want too loose more years of my life. already lost best years , best period of mens life recovered. But its better not to think about it. I have my dreams, I was dreaming about my future all these years. And I'm sure I will made it. Don't wanna have no regrets when I will be an old dude :) Ok I talk too much....

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bloodrush

hi. I studied the info in russian internet. At first I found just normal advice, like: workout, make sex, listen to music, watch cool movies. Than I found people and clinics who prommise to recover you in 3 weeks!!!! instead of 2 years. With the CES method. Cranial Electrical Stimulation. I found a clinic in my city, will go there on monday. It's cheap and I have nothing to loose. They say it helps brain to recover quickly, Im still not sure if it will help me, they say nothing about dophamine. They say it stimulates brain real good and make it produce huge amounts of endorphines and Enkephamine (don't know what it is, never heard about it before) Have anyone tried this CES? hole course, 20 sesions cost only about 80 dollars in Ukraine, they say you can repeat course after about 3 month if needed. Ill go there monday and let you people know if it works. Im kinda sceptic about it, but I'll try.

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bloodrush

Hi, I got some new information.1. Positive window can be made in some case by 24 hours starvation. You just drink water, and don't eat nothing for 24 hours. People say you will feel very very good after it. and 2. There was a research, and they found out that to stimulate your brain, the best way is to read loud. you just read a book for somebody. It activates big part of a brain and has a lot of benefits.....

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westcoast

Very interesting. I'd be cautious about not eating for 24 hours, because it might trigger mania. So make sure your girlfriend or someone else is with you. Not sleeping can trigger mania, too.

 

I will be interested to hear about the brain stimulation. In the US it is very expensive, of course. But if it works it will get more popular and perhaps cheaper.

 

Actually, there is some discussion on this site of stimulation devices.

 

Looking forward to Wlad at Madison Square Garden in April. For some reason, American media ignores him, but there are a lot of Eastern Europeans in the New York area, so perhaps they will fill the venue.

 

I like the idea of reading aloud. Perhaps it makes us focus our minds on something other than ourselves.

 

There is a web site with mind games called lumosity.com that might interest you. It costs money but I think there is a free trial. Many of the games do not require English, just math and visual challenges.

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bloodrush

I got epic fail today:) wasn't eating but gave up after 8 hours without food :) Took a cold shower with freezing water for couple of seconds, was feeling good. will continue.

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bloodrush

Hi all. I've been in clinic today. They made me full diagnoses, brain scan and all those things (sorry can't translate well) They say I'll be back to normal in a month. Prescribed me pillz: nootrops and brain stimulators. They say I'm almost fine, just have too agitated brain cortex (about double of normal) and some hormone-mediators-receptors dissballance. Allso prescribed me some herbal extracts (Ukrainia traditional medicine) Advise me to run as much as i can, and take freezing shower. I did my first CES, and ths what happend: as I was there on a bed doing it, I feelt nothing, just vibrations in my head. Thought that its useless. After 20 minutes I got on my feed, paid the bill, said thx and went out to the street, and there some miracles started. I was feeling really strange, like I was flying not walking, I felt myself very easy, and was feeling like Im first born, like I just came to earth from some other planet. I could't focus my look on something first, but after some minutes I began to enjoy looking on colors. I went to metropolitan and even didt read my book as usual, I was looking on other people, and I was enjoying it. I really was enjoying colors, green, red, violet, most of all.... Then I took pills they prescribed me, 3 hours past and I feel as usual now... I will do CES 3 times a week from now on. They said next time they will make it stronger, and effect will last till 8 hours. I will tell if this works after a month. See ya guys. Take Care

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westcoast

How very interesting. Do you know the names of the pills and especially the herbal extracts?

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bloodrush

they prescriped 3 herbs I found only 2 in drug stopre, these: eleutherococci rhizomata, paeoniae anomale herba, and rhizoma cum radicibus (2 in 1) the pills are: damn.... no translation, russian names, some acids, i will try to translate as I read:magnius glutamate gidrobromid, y-amino oil acid, y-amino oxyoil acid, and vitamine B6... second pill is:thioctic acid. ok I'm going to sleep now, hope I gave you some usefull information. good night

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westcoast

Thanks, yes, you did give useful information. I didn't know there was traditional Ukrainian medicine, but I have wondered about it. Your culture is much older than USA and much closer to the land until 100 years ago. Here in the USA we have access to traditional Eastern medicine, normally Chinese. Have a good sleep! I will google the plant names.

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westcoast

I googled. The first one is Siberian ginseng. The second one is a type of Peony (just a pretty flower to North Americans):

How does it work?

Peony might block chemicals produced by the body that can cause muscle cramps. It may also prevent blood clotting and act as an antioxidant.

 

The third one, rhizoma cum radicibus, seems to be mainly used for weight loss, according to the English language sites I found.

 

For what it is worth, my Eastern medicine doctor said I should avoid ginseng because it could trigger mania.

So I hope to hear more (when you are not asleep) about how these substances have affected you.

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bloodrush

Hi, the third herb seems to be the most effective for me, I will find it today, is:Schisandra Chinensis, I need fruits extract (Fructus Schisandrae) and seeds extract ( Semen Schisandrae) (Ive red some about this herb, it says its very used in medicine to help brain functioning right.... By the way before I got asleep I sucseed In meditation!!!! first time in 5 years!!!! So I think this stuff works!!!!

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Rhiannon

Hi bloodrush--

 

I want to let you know, your photo in your avatar is disturbing to me and probably to a lot of other people as well. I realize it's an innocent image, but many of us here (me included) are victims of violence, or just suffering from withdrawal and feeling very jumpy and anxious, and that image triggers some very uncomfortable feelings.

 

Because of that I will not be able to post in your thread in the future. I suspect you will be missing out on a lot of support that you could otherwise get, because of how uneasy that image makes people.

 

I do not believe it is your intention to upset people, and you seem to be a good fellow, so I thought I would let you know.

 

Best wishes to you. I am so sorry for your suffering.

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bloodrush

ok. I changed avatar. This one is from videogame, ok like this?

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Rhiannon

ok. I changed avatar. This one is from videogame, ok like this?

 

Yes, much better, at least for me. Thank you so much! :-)

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lionofJuda

I took zyprexa and other medications,  emotions will come back

there is a case here of a person who went through the same condition as yours

feeling no emotions , I read his history from Bulgaria

squizo if I am not mistaken, it took him a year or so to start feeling emotions again

please read the content section I might be given you the wrong name

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lionofJuda

Please find this link in the content section and read it

 

schizor: can the brain recover from antipsychotics?

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mammaP

I just read your story Bloodrush, you have been through such a lot and are doing great,  how are you now. did you have any more treatments?

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bloodrush

Hello everybody. I almost done the ces teraphy, on friday will make the last session. It was working a lot in the beggining, pot probably brain got used to that (maby that's why they do it only for 3 weeks) Doctors say I'll have to do CES again in about half a year.I have some good progress in these 3 weeks. This what happened: 1. I can do meditation now, but not always. 2. My unvolontary face movements are gone. 3. Alcohol works on me properly now ( I feel euphoria, happines and fun) only tried it once when could not sleep. 4. body feelings came back (heat, cold, pleasure) 5.brain is working much more faster, huge amount of thought like before all my events. ... I still cant say if I'm 100% back, cause I'm on medicine now, I will take it more 2 weeks. After 2 weeks I will right you whats going on. But in 3 weeks this is a really huge progress. By the way the medicine I take is made in spain, it's cheap and its name is GAMALATE B6. Im not sure if its ok for everybody, just ask your doctors before taking it. I hope this information will be usefull to somebody. good luck guys

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mammaP

Thanks for updating us Bloodrush, we are all interested to see how it goes for you, it looks promising so far. Keep us  updated won't you? 

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bloodrush

Hello guys, sorry I did not post here, I was having a good time enjoying life :) You can put this topic in success stories. I think my recovery was the fastest here. I made it in 2 month. I share my knowlage , so you guys now know how to make it fast way. See ya! and good luck in recovering to everybody!!!!

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Fresh

Hi  Bloodrush , that's really wonderful news.   You're right , your recovery may be the fastest one on the site!

 

Do let us know how you are every now and then.  In the meantime , enjoy your life.

 

Best wishes ,  Fresh

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Altostrata

Good to hear, bloodrush. How long have you been off all psychiatric drugs?

 

I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol



to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

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Jim24

congratulations thats good news. What did you find helped the most? 

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bloodrush

Hi, I really don't know what exactly did the job. Probably CES did the most, but I can't be sure. But Im very glad Im recovered. I feel better and better with every day. I became calm, happy, joyfull, my mind is thinking very clear and fast (like when I was 16 years old), my unvoulatary face movements are gone even when I play videogame, alcohol works propperly on me as before now, I dont sleep much now, used to sleep 9 hours, now I sleep 6-7 and feel fine. I even became read faster, memory got better.... Im off antipsycotics since november 2014, but before reabilitation was messed up very bad. Ill do one more CES course in 4 month by the way. But dont want to do it like they say. 3 weeks 3 times a week is not effective I think. Ill do 3 weeks 2 time a week (6 times total) cause last time I got used to it, and last 2 session did no effect on me at all. so why should I pay for empty sessions? Even doctors that do it said that brain is getting used to ces after a while, so they do it only twice a year. Ok guys got to go. see ya

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Muddles

Hi there!

 

Could you tell me what clinic you went to for this treatment please?

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bloodrush

It's a private clinic in Kiev Ukraine. but I think you can find CES in any big city. Or if its expensive you can just buy CES machine cheap online and do it at home.

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