Zvezda Posted February 20, 2015 Author Share Posted February 20, 2015 Anhedonia sucks, I have been there. It is a classic symptom of depression. I had it during my first two years of Prozac withdrawal, and it was due to the withdrawal. I also had it during my one bout of Major Depression, and it was due to the depression, not the withdrawal. I thought it would never go away, but it certainly did go away. I can find pleasure in many things during my day. I am a little blunted, from years of this struggle,and from natural aging. Many folks who never popped an SSRI pill suffer from anhedonia, for whatever reason. It's very common. But I certainly do enjoy life and am motivated to seek pleasure and upon seeking such pleasure I do find it. In your case, since you are drug free for so long - I would try to treat it as a symptom of depression, and try natural means to restore the ability to feel pleasure. Yes, I know that is a very tall order, indeed it seems impossible. I know what it's like to feel depressed, to be mired in it. It seems like it will never end. And there is just so much we can do of our own will to break the cement of entrenched depression. But try we must. Depression is a tough nut to crack. Relief may come of its own, or it may have to be hard won. Activity is certainly one way to keep our mind off the depression. For many healthy people. happiness is strictly a by-product of activity. When we are forced to be busy, it is at moments we least expect it that we all of a sudden realize that for a moment, we feel happy. I have found that the more I look for happiness, to force it, the more elusive it is. The type of activity also matters. Being active in a job that you hate may not be the best way out of a depression. You would have to figure out what type of activity could have the power to bump you out of an entrenched depressive response. And if we can feel happy for a moment, then we learn how to get more of that. I don't know what else to say, other than depression sucks, and I've been there. But you are alive, and if you've ever felt happiness before in life, then perhaps your body will relearn how to recapture some of that. It may take some work. It sucks indeed. Distraction seems to be the key word when fighting the anhedonia. One thing I know for sure is that ruminating on the possible worst case scenarios isn't going to help at all, yet I still keep doing it... Fingers crossed that some day I will get back my emotional range. BTW, speaking of activity, do you have any hobbies? on Lexapro 10 mg 2007-2010 started tapering in March 2010, took 7.5 mg for two weeks 5 mg for three weeks, 2.5 mg for a couple of weeks felt fine for several days, then the symptoms hit couldn't take it anymore, upped my dose to 5 mg stayed at 5 mg dose for a couple of weeks upped my dose to 10 mg, followed my shrink's advice and took 10 mg one day, 5 mg the other day 5 mg for a month, 5 mg every other day DRUG FREE since September 2010 in protracted withdrawal ever since Link to comment
clearday Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 BTW, speaking of activity, do you have any hobbies? Yes, I have a few hobbies. A few of them are outdoor sports, others involve indoors such as studying my favorite subjects and watching movies. They help to keep depression at bay and to clear out my head. Just like a child, I might protest before I push myself to do them, but once I get going, and get involved, by the end of the day I'm happy I did it and realize that for a few hours, I wasn't depressed. Gotta keep pushing myself. Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus JanCarol Posted February 21, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 21, 2015 What are your hobbies, Zvezda? I'm a scatterbrain, I like LOTS of things and flutter around like a flea between them. I love to read and learn, I love to color (I'm coloring a kids book of Aussie wildlife right now), I love karate and yoga, and I'd love to find a group to do tai chi with, since I may be too old and broken to return to karate. I like birdwatching, cat-patting, walking. I'd love to be able to ski and rollerblade again, but that's a bit scary! What are your interests and hobbies? "Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again. My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices. A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia. CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013. Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine). Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 - Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years on Lithium). Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made. The tedious thread (my intro): JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium The happy thread (my success story): JanCarol - Undiagnosed Off all bipolar drugs My own blog: https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/ I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016! Link to comment
Zvezda Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 What are your hobbies, Zvezda? I'm a scatterbrain, I like LOTS of things and flutter around like a flea between them. I love to read and learn, I love to color (I'm coloring a kids book of Aussie wildlife right now), I love karate and yoga, and I'd love to find a group to do tai chi with, since I may be too old and broken to return to karate. I like birdwatching, cat-patting, walking. I'd love to be able to ski and rollerblade again, but that's a bit scary! What are your interests and hobbies? Well, I guess reading, music, studying, culture... I've been planning to take singing lessons but haven't find the teacher yet. Being creative, although I haven't done much in a long time. I also took some oriental dance classes but the form we were practising was a bit too aerobic-like to my taste. I guess I'm a bit of a scatterbrain too, there are just too many interesting things that it's hard to focus on just one. Do you still attend yoga classes? I'd like start them myself,from what I've read it could boost my healing process. on Lexapro 10 mg 2007-2010 started tapering in March 2010, took 7.5 mg for two weeks 5 mg for three weeks, 2.5 mg for a couple of weeks felt fine for several days, then the symptoms hit couldn't take it anymore, upped my dose to 5 mg stayed at 5 mg dose for a couple of weeks upped my dose to 10 mg, followed my shrink's advice and took 10 mg one day, 5 mg the other day 5 mg for a month, 5 mg every other day DRUG FREE since September 2010 in protracted withdrawal ever since Link to comment
clearday Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Hey Zvez, how's the anhedonia today? Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
Zvezda Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 Hey Zvez, how's the anhedonia today? Thanks for asking, it has been a bit better lately. I've laughed and smiled more often than before and I started a creative project with a friend of mine. For the first time in ages I've felt that I could start writing again. Today has been slightly worse but I believe step by step is the best approach. How about you? on Lexapro 10 mg 2007-2010 started tapering in March 2010, took 7.5 mg for two weeks 5 mg for three weeks, 2.5 mg for a couple of weeks felt fine for several days, then the symptoms hit couldn't take it anymore, upped my dose to 5 mg stayed at 5 mg dose for a couple of weeks upped my dose to 10 mg, followed my shrink's advice and took 10 mg one day, 5 mg the other day 5 mg for a month, 5 mg every other day DRUG FREE since September 2010 in protracted withdrawal ever since Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Good to hear 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
clearday Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Hey Zvez, how's the anhedonia today? Thanks for asking, it has been a bit better lately. I've laughed and smiled more often than before and I started a creative project with a friend of mine. For the first time in ages I've felt that I could start writing again. Today has been slightly worse but I believe step by step is the best approach. How about you? Hope you're still doing a little better. I'm having two-day windows of relief from the ear ringing (ear ROARING is more like it) lately, definite signs of slow but sure healing. The waves are lasting a few days, then the windows come. This, after four months of unrelenting head/ear pressure and ear ringing. So I continue to be hopeful for my slow but sure recovery. Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
Zvezda Posted April 4, 2015 Author Share Posted April 4, 2015 Hey Zvez, how's the anhedonia today? Thanks for asking, it has been a bit better lately. I've laughed and smiled more often than before and I started a creative project with a friend of mine. For the first time in ages I've felt that I could start writing again. Today has been slightly worse but I believe step by step is the best approach. How about you? Hope you're still doing a little better. I'm having two-day windows of relief from the ear ringing (ear ROARING is more like it) lately, definite signs of slow but sure healing. The waves are lasting a few days, then the windows come. This, after four months of unrelenting head/ear pressure and ear ringing. So I continue to be hopeful for my slow but sure recovery. How wonderful that you've had some progress! This is a very good sign. After my last post I started to feel worse again... It lasted for a week or so and then I began to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Right now I'm feeling low, had some crying spells today and yesterday. But the positive thing is that my head pressure was significantly milder last week! Perhaps this means that one day it will be gone for good. on Lexapro 10 mg 2007-2010 started tapering in March 2010, took 7.5 mg for two weeks 5 mg for three weeks, 2.5 mg for a couple of weeks felt fine for several days, then the symptoms hit couldn't take it anymore, upped my dose to 5 mg stayed at 5 mg dose for a couple of weeks upped my dose to 10 mg, followed my shrink's advice and took 10 mg one day, 5 mg the other day 5 mg for a month, 5 mg every other day DRUG FREE since September 2010 in protracted withdrawal ever since Link to comment
clearday Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 thanks for posting, Zvez - life is like an elevator, it has its ups and downs - let's hope we have more ups than downs! I get into a "funk" every now and then, I wonder what is causing it, then I realize it is just temporary with no explanation. I was like that way before I was on any of these medications, and I think it's pretty normal. I'll try to enjoy the ups when they come, tolerate the downs when they come, and always look forward to the good days that are sure to come - hope you keep getting a little better here and there - Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
felin Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Hi Jan Carol, Curious if you joined consumerlab.com and got their membership? If so, curious if it would be allowed here for you to post up a list of trustworthy supplement companies as well as those NOT to trust. That is, of course, if you don't mind doing so. Would love to see one, but they want me to pay to see their content. Might do it at some point, but in meantime wondered if you might be willing to post this up.?? Thanks! All that I can give you at this point is what I can remember. Will add more after I've called the zillions of doctors that I've had over the past 30 years. I have spent all day calling old insurance co's, etc to get the long list of doctors names that I once had, so will update this someday. Unfortunately, most records are no longer available. Haven't started tapering yet. Will. Currently am on: Cymbalta 60 mg/ daily - actually taking the generic for it. It is called Duloxetine Wellbutrin XL 150 mg/ daily - taking the generic for this. It is called Bupropion XL Naturethroid 3/4 grain/ daily - this is a natural dessicated thyroid med for my Hypothyroidism Relpax only take as needed - for migraines FINALLY started tapering Cymbalta by 5% reduction May 5, 2016 Link to comment
clearday Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Zvezda posted 04 May 2015 - 01:01 PM on clearday's thread: How are you doing? Hi Zvezda, I had a great 6-day window three weeks ago. I felt very good the whole time. But I am back in a wave now. Not terrible, just "withdrawal normal". Some brain fog. Head ringing a lot and especially at night. Most ear pressure and "full ears" feeling is gone - that's improvement. Overall, a lot of improvement over the past six months. Recovery proceeding normally......this takes time! I expect at least another year of slow recovery - waves and windows. Actually, that's what I hope for. How are you doing? Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Hi Zvezda, where are you from? "Zvezda" means "star" in Bulgarian . I'm from Bulgaria. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Zvezda Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 Zvezda posted 04 May 2015 - 01:01 PM on clearday's thread: How are you doing? Hi Zvezda, I had a great 6-day window three weeks ago. I felt very good the whole time. But I am back in a wave now. Not terrible, just "withdrawal normal". Some brain fog. Head ringing a lot and especially at night. Most ear pressure and "full ears" feeling is gone - that's improvement. Overall, a lot of improvement over the past six months. Recovery proceeding normally......this takes time! I expect at least another year of slow recovery - waves and windows. Actually, that's what I hope for. How are you doing? That's wonderful news! I'm sure you'll see more improvement soon. I had a three-week-period of feeling good, very little head pressure, better mood etc... Feeling a bit down again but it will pass. on Lexapro 10 mg 2007-2010 started tapering in March 2010, took 7.5 mg for two weeks 5 mg for three weeks, 2.5 mg for a couple of weeks felt fine for several days, then the symptoms hit couldn't take it anymore, upped my dose to 5 mg stayed at 5 mg dose for a couple of weeks upped my dose to 10 mg, followed my shrink's advice and took 10 mg one day, 5 mg the other day 5 mg for a month, 5 mg every other day DRUG FREE since September 2010 in protracted withdrawal ever since Link to comment
Zvezda Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 Hi Zvezda, where are you from? "Zvezda" means "star" in Bulgarian . I'm from Bulgaria. Hi bluebalu86, nice to meet you! I'm from Scandinavia but I have this fascination with Russian language/culture which is why I chose my nickname. on Lexapro 10 mg 2007-2010 started tapering in March 2010, took 7.5 mg for two weeks 5 mg for three weeks, 2.5 mg for a couple of weeks felt fine for several days, then the symptoms hit couldn't take it anymore, upped my dose to 5 mg stayed at 5 mg dose for a couple of weeks upped my dose to 10 mg, followed my shrink's advice and took 10 mg one day, 5 mg the other day 5 mg for a month, 5 mg every other day DRUG FREE since September 2010 in protracted withdrawal ever since Link to comment
Zvezda Posted July 29, 2015 Author Share Posted July 29, 2015 Hi guys, it's been a while since I was here. I thought I just wanted to share the good news with you: My entrancing exams went well and I'll start my studies at the university. on Lexapro 10 mg 2007-2010 started tapering in March 2010, took 7.5 mg for two weeks 5 mg for three weeks, 2.5 mg for a couple of weeks felt fine for several days, then the symptoms hit couldn't take it anymore, upped my dose to 5 mg stayed at 5 mg dose for a couple of weeks upped my dose to 10 mg, followed my shrink's advice and took 10 mg one day, 5 mg the other day 5 mg for a month, 5 mg every other day DRUG FREE since September 2010 in protracted withdrawal ever since Link to comment
clearday Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 That's good news - How are your protracted withdrawal symptoms? Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted July 29, 2015 Moderator Share Posted July 29, 2015 Hi Zvezda-- congratulations on getting into University. It will be quite an experience. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Zvezda Posted August 22, 2015 Author Share Posted August 22, 2015 Thank you brassmonkey. That's good news - How are your protracted withdrawal symptoms? Getting better I guess... The head pressure can be quite a nuisance sometimes. I've been starting to wonder if some of my physical symptoms are at least partly stress related - after all, I've been through a lot in my life and I still have some unresolved traumas/issues... on Lexapro 10 mg 2007-2010 started tapering in March 2010, took 7.5 mg for two weeks 5 mg for three weeks, 2.5 mg for a couple of weeks felt fine for several days, then the symptoms hit couldn't take it anymore, upped my dose to 5 mg stayed at 5 mg dose for a couple of weeks upped my dose to 10 mg, followed my shrink's advice and took 10 mg one day, 5 mg the other day 5 mg for a month, 5 mg every other day DRUG FREE since September 2010 in protracted withdrawal ever since Link to comment
Zvezda Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 Okay, so I always knew that university isn't exactly a Buddhist monastery but this stress is killing me! Seriously. on Lexapro 10 mg 2007-2010 started tapering in March 2010, took 7.5 mg for two weeks 5 mg for three weeks, 2.5 mg for a couple of weeks felt fine for several days, then the symptoms hit couldn't take it anymore, upped my dose to 5 mg stayed at 5 mg dose for a couple of weeks upped my dose to 10 mg, followed my shrink's advice and took 10 mg one day, 5 mg the other day 5 mg for a month, 5 mg every other day DRUG FREE since September 2010 in protracted withdrawal ever since Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus bubble Posted December 1, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 1, 2015 It's nice to hear from you Zvezda. I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. I'm also struggling at work at the moment and have similar ideas of whether I can cope with the "natural" levels of stress that working (and studying) entail. I somehow feel that removing myself from stressful situations would enable me to heal faster. But I also acknowledge that there must be a middle road. Yes, we are recovering from drugs, our CNS is vulnerable and fragile, but we are human so we have the right to demand that the world be human too. This is too idealistic and I'm not prepared to take a stand and fight for my right to mental diversity or whatever. However, before giving up I will do everything I can to reduce the stress. Much off the stress is generated by my expectations from me, my inability to be less than perfect, eagerness to please rather than meet my needs, etc. I'm trying to think in the opposite direction: there is less harm for me in missing a deadline than harming myself with the stress of meeting it Maybe that's not a good example because there are usually serious consequences for not meeting deadlines but whenI focus my attention on how I can losen the often self-imposed grip on myself I'm surprised at how many opportunities there are. Also other people don't know that something is too much for us and people generally push us towards a certain level of performance until we put a stop to it. Unfortunately, our world has become too stressful to live in not only for people like us with compromised CNS but for everyone. What I'm trying to say both to you and myself is: let's put ourselves first, let's be mindful of the ways in which we create stress for ourselves in addition to the stress that is posed by our environment. Do you also find your experience of studying to have sme positive aspects apart from it being stressful? Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2 2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013) Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg. 2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days afterreinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours 28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr 2015 1 mg, 25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64 Xanax 9 month hold 24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26 Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted December 1, 2015 Moderator Share Posted December 1, 2015 The first year at university is one of life's top ten stressors. Going to university is so much more than book learning, it's learning a whole new way of thinking, adapting and understanding and the initial phase can be very wrenching. My first year was very traumatic, I felt totally lost in just about every aspect of it, but by the middle of my second year things had started to make sense and I settled in nicely. It needs to be treated as the total immersion life style change it's designed to be. It is a good opportunity to practice all the coping skills you learned during WD. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
cupcake Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 There are sometimes ways to manage your workload within the university system, too. I don't know about your exact situation, but there might be a way to take a reduced subject load, or an office at the university who could help get you accommodations from teachers to take your withdrawal into account. Some people do recognise it as a disability, if a temporary one. Intro thread Been taking escitalopram (10mg) for one year. 10 November 2015 - went down to 5mg on doctor's advice but found it too sharp and went back up to 10mg 28 November 2015 - down to 9mg 18 December 2015 - 8mg 8 January 2016 - 7.2 mg 22 January 2016 - 6.5 mg Continued reducing 10% every 3-6 weeks depending on additional symptoms. Stopped getting reactions to reduction in doses below 1mg. Last dose at 0.2 mg. 27 July 2016 - stopped taking it altogether Link to comment
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