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Anxiousguy: Has anyone cured lifelong Depression Anxiety and OCD?


Anxiousguy

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I am a 36 year old male. I have had OCD, Depression and Anxiety as far back as I can remember. I have done everything that I can to treat it -  multiple medications, multiple therapists and a slew of naturopathic treatments

 

Is there any hope for me?

 

 I remember being very young and telling people that I was depressed and they would tell me that I didn’t know what that word meant….but I did. As I got older and more sophisticated, I realized that I had OCD. As an aside, both of my parents had issues. My Mom has OCD to an extent and is very anxious. My Dad has mental health issues too. IDK what….definitely depression. My fraternal twin had bad OCD but it isn’t as bad as mine. He has never treated it.

 

About ten years ago I decided to do something about it. I started to see a therapist who obviously suggested medication.

 

Years later I relented. It was becoming so difficult to manage. I started on Zoloft. I don’t know if it was a placebo effect, but I felt better almost immediately. The next 4 or 5 years I went up and down on doses and meds to try to get something to work. I had tons of side effects and didn’t feel much better. I had awful fatigue. I tried more meds and doctors and therapists.

 

Over the years I was on Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Luvox, amphetamine salts, Prozac, Lamictal, Risperidone, Xanax, Adderall and Ativan.

 

I was diagnosed (by diff docs) as OCD, ADHD, BIPOLAR2, DYSTHMIA AND GAD

 

My Father, Uncle and a friend died within 6 months of each other. I didn’t cry. I just felt numb (meds?)

 

I started to see a NP who helped a friend of mine. She was very nice. She put me on Prozac. When I didn’t feel better, she had me talk to her mentor, a Psychiatrist. He told me that drugs I did as a teenager (pot, etc) screwed up my brain and that I needed to take large doses of Prozac. That was my only hope. I am sure the drugs didn’t help, but I had had this stuff prior to drug use. After that the NP had me on Prozac, Risperidal, Lamictal, Ritalin, Xanax at the same time. I was exhausted. She suggested Provigil. I knew that something wasn’t right. I was so tired that I was falling asleep at stop lights. It was a never ending parade of meds. “Tired? Take this! Can’t sleep? Take this!” At this point, my EXTREME FATIGUE was ruining my life. When I was on 5 things at once with no relief in sight, I told her that I wanted off. I had this feeling that nobody in the mental health field knew what they were doing.

 

Under her supervision I tapered down over a couple/few weeks.

 

I did “ok” that year. The fatigue was gone. About 9 months later I crashed. I had major life stuff going on, but I had panic attacks and crying fits for the first time in my anxious life. This was very confusing as I hadn’t cried in 20 years – even when my Dad died. I now think that this might have been protracted withdrawal. I had no clue at the time.

 

After being on meds and being so fatigued, I started to see a ton of docs and developed health anxiety. On the good side, I radically overhauled my diet. I had tons of very expensive and elaborate bloodwork done. Thousands of dollars worth that takes up a whole binder.

 

I was having such a hard time that my therapist (not a fan of meds) suggested seeing a local psychiatrist. What was appealing about this guy was that he did genetic testing, serum testing, toxicology testing, transcranial magnetic stimulation and biofeedback. He wanted me to take Deplin and Pristiq. I opted not to take the Pristiq, but to take the Deplin.

 

My decisions were based on discovering that people had a hard time coming off Pristiq. I also had high norepinephrine and wasn’t sure that was the best med. I opted to just take the Deplin. I then discovered that I was MTHFR a1298C and stopped taking the Deplin because it was a huge dose and I wasn’t taking B12. Methyaltion is SO complicated.

 

I then tried magnesium, cod liver oil, rhodiola, holy basil, gaba, passion flower and a ton of other natural treatments. I haven’t had success.

 

I am so lost. I have spent so much time and money on all of this. I feel that no one has any answers.  Mediation doesn’t work (too anxious to do it). Therapy doesn’t work. Is this withdrawal? Should I be on meds? Is naturopathy bs?

 

HELP!!!!!

Started AD in 2009 with Zoloft.

In 2010 changed to wellbutrin and luvox in 2011 added ritalin due to fatigue - went as high as poss on luvox
Different NP in late 2012 and she got me off all that and started me on
-Prozac / -Lamictal  -Risperidone  -Amphet Salts -and Xanax as needed
Stopped meds in early 2013 until supervision. Was off 4 drugs in weeks/a month (don't remember exactly) - still off meds except Xanax when needed
Fall 2013 - crying fits - hadn't cried in over 10 years - shaking, awful anxiety and suicidal depression. As of Feb 2015 ot as bad as Fall/Winter 2013, but still depressed/anxious

Only med I take now is .25 Xanax when needed (few times month) - usually half a pill

Supplements Magnesium, Vitamin D Seriphos Cod liver oil

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Oh I'm so sorry you feel like this..I can relate..it feels like I've always been depressed but I think the withdrawal I've been experiencing has coloured my perceptions. At times I do notice a difference by pursuing a dairy free and wheat free diet..and then I wonder if that was the problem all along..have you tried this?

 

So how long have you been off meds, sorry I'm not clear.

 

All my best to you, I know how ridiculously hard life is when depression seems relentless.

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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  • Member

Anxiousguy,

 

I moved you post to the Introductions forum to start your very own topic and you can use it as a journal to track your progress as you learn about what has happened to you as a result of taking so many different psychoactive drugs throughout your life. A lot of us have come to the conclusion (as a result of reading and experience) that meds do no good whatsoever at solving 'life' issued and they often create their own set of problems as you have seen.

 

Could we start by just having you write out a short synopsis of the meds and their dosages that you have taken in the past? To the best of your recollection is good enough.We are most interested in your recent drug history, say within the last 5 years or so. What was the last drug(s) you were on and for how long and how long has it been since you have taken anything? Are you taking any supplements at all or any over the counter drugs?

 

The instructions for putting all of this info into a signature is here and this follows you everywhere you make a post on this site so we know at a glance your drug history and can give proper advice:

 

See how to create a signature here http://survivinganti...your-signature/

 

Welcome to the site and we are sure you will find a lot of helpful information here.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Thank you to everyone

 

I don't consume much dairy or gluten. I have been testsed for gluten allergies and didn't have them.

 

Started AD in 2009
Zoloft
Wellbutrin
Luvox
Amphetamine Salts

Different NP in late 2012 and she started me on
Prozac
Lamictal
Risperidone
Amphet Salts
Xanax as needed

Tapered down 2/2013 - over course of weeks (don't remember exactly) - still off meds except Xanax when needed

Fall 2013 - crying fits - hadn't cried in over 10 years - shaking, awful anxiety and suicidal depression.

Not as bad as Fall/Winter last year, but still depressed/anxious

 

I don't remember dosages but I feel that I maxed out on everything

Started AD in 2009 with Zoloft.

In 2010 changed to wellbutrin and luvox in 2011 added ritalin due to fatigue - went as high as poss on luvox
Different NP in late 2012 and she got me off all that and started me on
-Prozac / -Lamictal  -Risperidone  -Amphet Salts -and Xanax as needed
Stopped meds in early 2013 until supervision. Was off 4 drugs in weeks/a month (don't remember exactly) - still off meds except Xanax when needed
Fall 2013 - crying fits - hadn't cried in over 10 years - shaking, awful anxiety and suicidal depression. As of Feb 2015 ot as bad as Fall/Winter 2013, but still depressed/anxious

Only med I take now is .25 Xanax when needed (few times month) - usually half a pill

Supplements Magnesium, Vitamin D Seriphos Cod liver oil

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  • Member

AG,

 

This link:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

 

tells you how to put the above information into a signature so it attaches to all of your posts. If you have any questions on how to do this post them here in your thread. I can help you out as I am one of the unofficial technical advisors for the site.

 

Please list your dose of xanax and how often you take it in your signature. You can copy what you have written and it might not take much editing to get it to fit (we are allowed 750 characters and it must fit into 12 lines.)

 

Your info is 384 characters (including spaces) in 17 lines. You'll want to take out some of the lines and consolidate some lines into one.

 

You'll want to read some of the pinned topics in the Symptoms and self-care forum for what our members have found are non drug techniques to help relieve symptoms that come when reducing psychiatric medications too fast.

 

These topics are ones that almost everyone finds helpful:

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

I know you said you tried them but perhaps a concerted effort to try them again (while avoiding other supplements that might not be helpful) might work?

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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  • Member

I came back to read your first post again because I realized I gave you a bunch of 'technical' information and did not address your very real emotions and fears at how things seem to have turned out for you.

 

What a lot of us have found out is that psychiatric meds do not seem to 'cure' anything, they don't help us to live happy and satisfying lives filled with love and zest for living. I believe that therapy will ultimately be very helpful after your body gets settled down from all of the drugs that were thrown at it. Naturopathy has some valid treatments (some of our members have found) and so does diet, exercise and reduction of stress all make a difference. Meditation is helpful too (when you can settle enough to actually do it).

 

You might be interested in the story of someone a lot of the members on this site are familiar with. She has a very informative site, beyondmeds.com and many many helpful links on what she has tried that has been helpful. It took her 6 years to get off all the drugs she had been put on and she is still recovering from their effects. It is a gradual but upward trend in quality of life after you get off the drug merry-go-round.

 

Here is part of her story:

 

http://www.madinamerica.com/2013/05/before-during-after-psychdrugs/

 

She has been a frequent contributor on Mad In America

 

The link leads to a listing of her writings there. And just today she posted on our site of her five year anniversary of being off drugs:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8208-today-5-years-free-from-the-psych-drug-cocktail-httpwpmep5nnb-c1u/#entry128477

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello AG--

 

Well, you've had quite the journey! I have to agree with what CW said above: these drugs don't really seem to cure anything. Most of us started on meds due to some problem or other (not always a psychiatric problem however) and we found that they may have helped at first but over the long term they seem to have made our lives and our conditions worse. This seems to have happened to you, and rather fast.

 

My guess is that you'll get better results from nonmedical approaches, like therapy (I'd look into trauma oriented and body oriented therapies if I were you) and maybe brain training (the book The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidges has a very interesting chapter on a neuroplasticity approach to working with OCD). I don't really know a lot about the latter; I do know that way more people than anyone wants to admit, have early childhood traumas that they can't access via regular talk therapy (which doesn't work very well for trauma recovery anyway). Those experiences end up dissociated from our normal consciousness but still affect how we feel and react in life and can often (usually) cause some degree of depression and anxiety.

 

Given how many drugs you were on and how very rapidly you came off them, I suspect you're still experiencing some delayed withdrawal and nervous system instability from that, which would be affecting how you feel now. That will pass with time and patience. It's best not to change meds around (add or subtract meds or change doses) during this time.

 

Those are my thoughts. I could be wrong. Hopefully something in there will be helpful to you though.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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It looks like you've improved since fall a little..I know it's not much consolation when your still suffering. You've done well not to go back on anything :)

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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I came back to read your first post again because I realized I gave you a bunch of 'technical' information and did not address your very real emotions and fears at how things seem to have turned out for you.

 

What a lot of us have found out is that psychiatric meds do not seem to 'cure' anything, they don't help us to live happy and satisfying lives filled with love and zest for living. I believe that therapy will ultimately be very helpful after your body gets settled down from all of the drugs that were thrown at it. Naturopathy has some valid treatments (some of our members have found) and so does diet, exercise and reduction of stress all make a difference. Meditation is helpful too (when you can settle enough to actually do it).

 

You might be interested in the story of someone a lot of the members on this site are familiar with. She has a very informative site, beyondmeds.com and many many helpful links on what she has tried that has been helpful. It took her 6 years to get off all the drugs she had been put on and she is still recovering from their effects. It is a gradual but upward trend in quality of life after you get off the drug merry-go-round.

 

Here is part of her story:

 

http://www.madinamerica.com/2013/05/before-during-after-psychdrugs/

 

She has been a frequent contributor on Mad In America

 

The link leads to a listing of her writings there. And just today she posted on our site of her five year anniversary of being off drugs:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8208-today-5-years-free-from-the-psych-drug-cocktail-httpwpmep5nnb-c1u/#entry128477

She is off 5 years

I am off 7 years and 6 days short of 3 months... 

some of us have been doing this a long time. 

too long. 

I missed my own 7 year anniversary :(

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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  • Moderator

Hey Anxious!

 

Here's a perspective - so what if we're mad? 

 

How much - before all the meds - did the OCD / stuff interfere with your functioning.  Was it so bad you couldn't walk out the door or drive a car or go to work?  

 

I would suggest focusing on functioning.  If you have your quirks about it - then you do.  It's called Mad Pride, and it's a small but vocal movement in the community.

 

Just a new way of thinking about things.

 

I'm sorry for your awful withdrawal.  When someone tapers off that quickly I wait to hear the hammer drop. Sometimes 3 months later, sometimes a year later.  Sure enough, it did.  I agree with Joannad that it seems like you are better now than 6 months ago.  I will hazard a guess that the original problem was not as bad as it got in protracted withdrawal.

 

Are you having waves and windows?  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-recovery/

 

What are your withdrawal symptoms like now?  Can you untangle that from the original "syndrome"?  

 

We all have problems, and the most powerful thing you can do is look at them, let other people look at them, and work on them yourself.

 

If meditation is not for you - try basketball.  Or martial arts (that's my choice - yes, I love a good, healthy, friendly fight!).  Or bicycling.  Something active and challenging.  Or if you like to tangle your mindfulness up in puzzles, do jigsaws or sudoku or crosswords.

 

How did your OCD manifest?  Was it hand washing/germs? Or ritual behaviours?  Describing it for us will do us all good.  

 

We don't want you to go back on the drugs, and we won't advise you to waste more money on alternative stuff unless we think it will really help.  But I think you'll find that spelling it out here - "talking" to us - will.

 

We're all different here.  Maybe we will like you with OCD and tell you not to change!  Or maybe we can suggest other things to help that are more in keeping with what you need.  Instead of throwing pills at you like an MD.  You've been through the hardest part of the withdrawal, and the sun should be coming out soon.  Shine some light on it, after all these years.  And maybe it won't be as bad as all that.  (maybe it will, but let's be positive for now!)

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • Moderator

ps:  "cured?"  how about "managed"?  then I can answer:  YES!

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • Administrator

Welcome, Anxious.

 

You've been off all drugs but the occasional Xanax since 2013, is that correct?

 

It sounds to me like you are recovering from all the drug changes, plus withdrawal. This will get very gradually better over time.

 

I second cymbaltawithdrawal's suggestion about fish oil and magnesium.

 

What is your daily symptom pattern now?

 

So many things are called OCD -- like JanCarol, I wonder what your symptoms are.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Thank you everyone for reading and offering insight

 

I have updated my sig with all my info

 

I have been off the meds since Jan/Feb 2013. I do take the occasional benzo – Ativan, Xanax or klonopin. Just baby doses when I am upset. Usually a couple times a month.

 

I have cut out almost all wheat and dairy. I radically overhauled my diet after my crash in the Fall of 2013. I have been

 

I have been through all of the naturopathic stuff. Tried all the adadptogens and passion flower and gaba etc etc. Methylation is too complicated so I shelved that.

 

I tried meditation and perhaps I should try again. It seemed to make me more anxious. Emptying my mind created an empty space to fill with anxious thoughts. Distraction seems to work better than mindfulness.

 

My ocd definitely impacted my life before the meds. It SEEMS that it is worse in some ways now. Perhaps it was so long ago that I just don’t remember. In some ways I have more to be anxious about now and anxiety sparks the OCD on. I have always been able to “function” and hold a job and such but it causes me to be extremely unhappy and constantly revved and restless. I will be sitting on the beach and having racing uncomfortable thoughts and obsessions/compulsions. I can even relax in that peaceful setting.

 

My symptoms are basically thoughts. I will be driving to work and see a clean new car next to me and think – should I get a new car? Can I afford it? What kind of car should I get? I live in the northeast, so it is Winter. How would I keep it clean? It is expensive to regularly take it to the car wash. How bad is the salt for it? If I buy it in the winter will there be a greater change of crashing in the snow? Etc Etc. I will hear something on the radio about

 

AS a kid I had all the classic stuff for as far back as I can remember – avoiding cracks in sidewalk, counting, repetivie, double checking.

 

I still have a lot of those. I also worry constantly about everything and everyone

 

My last 3 therapists over 5 years – have said that I have OCD, bipolar2, anxiety, adhd, dysthmia

I just saw a psychiatrist this week to see what all of my options are. He said that withdrawal is real and to stay off meds and focus on naturopathic things. He gave me klonopin to use as needed.

I can’t/don’t wanna take meds. Therapy doesn’t work. Homeopathy doesn’t work. Supplements don’t work. That scares me more than anything. No one is able to help me.

Started AD in 2009 with Zoloft.

In 2010 changed to wellbutrin and luvox in 2011 added ritalin due to fatigue - went as high as poss on luvox
Different NP in late 2012 and she got me off all that and started me on
-Prozac / -Lamictal  -Risperidone  -Amphet Salts -and Xanax as needed
Stopped meds in early 2013 until supervision. Was off 4 drugs in weeks/a month (don't remember exactly) - still off meds except Xanax when needed
Fall 2013 - crying fits - hadn't cried in over 10 years - shaking, awful anxiety and suicidal depression. As of Feb 2015 ot as bad as Fall/Winter 2013, but still depressed/anxious

Only med I take now is .25 Xanax when needed (few times month) - usually half a pill

Supplements Magnesium, Vitamin D Seriphos Cod liver oil

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  • Moderator

OH Anxiousguy - that's so much to be on one person!  I'm sorry for your stuff.  Please bear with me, as I try to answer compassionately - and usefully (sometimes there is a tradeoff)

 

Instead of "empty your mind" meditation, consider mindfulness meditation.    There is not "empty mind" in mindfulness, instead if focuses on awareness, gentle observation of the chatter inside (we all have chatter, some of us find it more intrusive than others), This allows for the anxieties to settle, as if to the bottom of a deep, still, pool.  But the pool is not empty, just quieter.  And not to worry, it's not easy - it's something you spend the rest of your life getting better at.

 

Like Tai Chi.

 

Because of your akathisia, I would encourage you to spend some active time.  (unless you find that exercise interferes with your sleep, or worsens/activates your withdrawal symptoms)

 

As an OCD, I'll bet you would like to take the same walk every day.  Make it short, make it manageable - and if you have time, do it twice a day.  I have little OCD rituals I surround my life in - but I lack the "Obsess" part - if my ritual falls apart, and I have to walk on another path, or change direction, I've learned:  I live through it.

 

If you are working, it sounds like your obsessions and rituals are not disabling.  But it also sounds like the drugs have disabled you - and made it worse.

 

So you say the anxiety comes before the OCD?  Like:  you're in a crowd and feel uneasy so you feel the need to (do a ritual) and maybe relieve the anxiety?

 

Well, guess what!  Throw out all the diagnoses.  If it works for you, and it doesn't harm anyone, and you can function with it - then laugh, and do your little rituals!

 

If I listen to labels, I have MDD, Treatment resistant depression, Serotonin Syndrome, Bipolar II Disorder, then they changed the DSM and it was Bipolar I Disorder, with elements of OCD and Aspergers' and more MDD.   Maybe more therapy is not for you - but you can still help yourself, even when nobody else can help you.

 

Here's a start:  try a 15 minute walk every day for a week, rain or shine.  Every day.  Outside.  

 

Try some Mindfulness meditation - If you like this we can always find you more!

 

Here is Jon Kabat-Zinn (who authored books and studies about Mindfulness' efficacy in mental wellness, especially depression and anxiety) in a short 15 minute mindfulness meditation.  I listen to him regularly.  See if you like it better when someone talks you through it:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v45WSuAeYI

 

And really - you are not without help.  You have SA , and you have a good, clear mind, the will to live, and you can help yourself.  It may not seem like "traditional psychotherapy" - your journey may end up in - basketball (like I suggested before!) or basket weaving - but when you start to co-create with your body and mind and emotions, you can adjust to anything you choose.

 

Most of all, you have time on your side.  Be patient with yourself, do good things for yourself, like epsom salt baths, and maybe get a massage - keep your world soft and gentle, not too stimulating, and give it time to settle down.  If you were on the drugs for 5 years, it could take 2 to undo the damage that was done.  

 

And please, log freely here, so we can support your journey.  I have a feeling that in 6 months, you will be a new man!

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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I bought Seriphos 1000mg - I have been taking it a couple of times a day. I don't know how much to take or when.

 

I am starting to think all supplements and naturopathy are a waste of money.

 

I was intrigued by https://www.integrativepsychiatry.net\

 

but I think that I want to start saving money

Started AD in 2009 with Zoloft.

In 2010 changed to wellbutrin and luvox in 2011 added ritalin due to fatigue - went as high as poss on luvox
Different NP in late 2012 and she got me off all that and started me on
-Prozac / -Lamictal  -Risperidone  -Amphet Salts -and Xanax as needed
Stopped meds in early 2013 until supervision. Was off 4 drugs in weeks/a month (don't remember exactly) - still off meds except Xanax when needed
Fall 2013 - crying fits - hadn't cried in over 10 years - shaking, awful anxiety and suicidal depression. As of Feb 2015 ot as bad as Fall/Winter 2013, but still depressed/anxious

Only med I take now is .25 Xanax when needed (few times month) - usually half a pill

Supplements Magnesium, Vitamin D Seriphos Cod liver oil

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Hey AnxiousGuy... I can relate to not being able to meditate and had the same type of experience with empty minded meditation. As mentioned earlier, mindfulness mediation can be an effective tool. I found that I was way too hard on myself and had very high expectations for how long I should meditate. I can tolerate about 10 minutes total now, but started off with just a minute at a time just focusing on my breath and acknowledging thoughts (but not judging them) as they arose. Meditation has a lasting effect on anxiety, not just an immediate one. It feels like it trains my brain to know that quiet and calm can exist :)

 

Another type of relaxation technique I have used for my anxiety that has been very effective is self hypnosis. One of the local hospitals held a self-hypnosis seminar with their resident self-hypnosis therapist and I recorded his session on my phone and have played it 100s of times -- it still helps me calm down enough to not have to take my ativan. 

 

My very first line of defense for panic and anxiety attacks is counted breathing. There seems to be a lot of variation on the same idea. Dr. Weil has a page here that shows my favorite ones to use. Exercise 2 is my go-to. I use it when I wake up suddenly in the middle of the night with my heart racing. 

 

In the last several months I have also been seeing an EMDR therapist. EMDR has been very helpful for me in processing some old past abuses, but this type of therapy can also be helpful for specific sensations or situations that cause me anxiety as well.

 

I read earlier that you have been having crying spells, and I found that I too had crying spells after going off of Zoloft 16 months ago. I feel like they were just all the repressed, stuffed feelings that I wasn't able to have while on Zoloft. 

 

I do hope that you are able to find some relief from your symptoms and are able to taper off successfully. 

1999 Prozac with occasional Xanax 

2002 Effexor Xr with occasional Valium

2010 Off Effexor (slow taper)

2010 Prozac rx to help with Effexor withdrawal. Activating, so stopped.

2011 Zoloft rx

2013 Zoloft stops working after a few increases, decide to stop taking it

2013 October last Zoloft dose after a 6-9 month taper

2014 January, April, May, June ER inducing anxiety attacks

2014 June Ativan prescribed as needed. Last taken Nov 2014, but still have pills just in case

 

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  • Administrator

Interesting that your psychiatrist gave you such a reasonable answer! Is he knowledgeable about tapering? If so, please add him to our list http://tinyurl.com/7cp8l8v

 

You are correct, most supplements and certainly most supplement programs claiming to treat "psychiatric" problems are a waste of money. It's strictly trial and error. (The community's best guesses are in the Symptoms and Self-Care forum) Most of us have a basket of supplements we found we couldn't take or did nothing.

 

It seems you've never tried Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT)? It sounds like that would be the best fit for your symptom pattern.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

You are not alone in having these feelings.  I've just come though a time of hitting rock bottom (again) and feeling the panic of hopelessness.  I can never remember it when I'm in that phase, but now I've passed through it a bit my brain is able to remember and know that things do get better, there is hope, nothing stays the same forever

 

When we are in that place of feeling no hope, we need to trust others to hold the hope for us until we can see it again.  There are many on this forum who can hold and speak of that hope.  And, one day, you'll feel it again too and the fear will subside.  


I can’t/don’t wanna take meds. Therapy doesn’t work. Homeopathy doesn’t work. Supplements don’t work. That scares me more than anything. No one is able to help me.

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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  • Mentor

So true, as above....... My labels are MDD, Bipolar, Psychotic, and others  (I didnt tell them about the voices, and stuff   shhhh!)... Schizophrenic, Aspergers, OCD....... and on it goes.  

 

 I no longer believe any of these labels.......   all of my labels happened only after seeing a very very bad psychiatrist.  And how can one judge a medicated person?  

 

A lot of what you say about OCD, I have always had, and they get worse when I am depressed or anxious.  That is just me, I forgive myself for my behaviour.  I actually want the OCD back, the bits where I was obsessively houseproud, lined up the cutlery perfectly, all I got now is the compulsive scratching at myself.

 

If you are still working, geez!  Through all you have been through?  Well done!   I am hoping I will be able to be employable again, when the WD subside a bit.  I am so damn grateful to have my battered and bruised brain back. 

1992 Dothiepin 375mg 8 weeks, exhaustion/depression.  Serotonin syndrome, oh yes!  seizures . Fell pregnant, 3rd baby, Nitrous Oxide, 3 weeks mental hospital pp psychosis. zoloft tegretol.

Feb 1996 ct tegretol, tapered Zoloft 8 weeks. as (unexpectedly)  pregnant. Steven died after 3 days.(Zolft HLHS baby).  98 had run in with Paxil, 2 tablets, 3 weeks taper, survived.
2005..menopause? exhausted again. Zyprexa, mad in three days, fallout....  Seroquel, Effexor, tegretol,   and 8 years of self destruction. Failed taper.
Damn 1/4 valium... nuts again! .fallout, zoloft 100mg  seroquol 400mg mirtazapine 45 mg  tegretol 400mg.  Mid 14 3 month taper. Nov 14 CRASH.
Mid 15 ....   75mg  seroquel,  3 x 1800mg SJW  2 week window end of December followed by 6 week wave
5/2 68mg seroquel, 2.5 x 1800mg SJW::::20/2 61mg seroquel, 2.5 x  SJW::: 26/2 54mg seroquel, 2 x SJW::::21/3 43mg seroquel, 1 x 2700SJW :::: 23/4 36mg seroquel 1 x 1800 SJW
15/5 33mg seroquel, 1 x SJW::::   28/5 30mg seroquel, 1 x SJW::::;  18/6 25mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::::, 11/7 21mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::, 26/7 18mg seroquel 1/2 SJW:::, 9/8 12mg seroquel :::, 16/8 6mg seroquel ;;;;, 12/9 0 jump.

23/9  3mg.....,  27/9 0mg.  Reinstated, 6mg, then 12mg.............  LIGHTBULB MOMENT,  I have  MTHFR 2x mutations.  CFS and issues with MOULD in my home. So I left home, and working 150km away during week, loving it.

Oh was hard, panic attacks first week, gone now, along with the mould issues.

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I am still trying CBT/DBT - it isn't helping. I am so anxious and full or worry and fear.

 

I have Seriphos 1000mg and am taking it 3 times a day....I don't know if this is ok, but no one seems to know.

 

 

Thank you everyone

Started AD in 2009 with Zoloft.

In 2010 changed to wellbutrin and luvox in 2011 added ritalin due to fatigue - went as high as poss on luvox
Different NP in late 2012 and she got me off all that and started me on
-Prozac / -Lamictal  -Risperidone  -Amphet Salts -and Xanax as needed
Stopped meds in early 2013 until supervision. Was off 4 drugs in weeks/a month (don't remember exactly) - still off meds except Xanax when needed
Fall 2013 - crying fits - hadn't cried in over 10 years - shaking, awful anxiety and suicidal depression. As of Feb 2015 ot as bad as Fall/Winter 2013, but still depressed/anxious

Only med I take now is .25 Xanax when needed (few times month) - usually half a pill

Supplements Magnesium, Vitamin D Seriphos Cod liver oil

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hiya Anxiousguy ,     try putting SERIPHOS into the search box at the top of the home page.    It will give you lots of places where it's been mentioned to check out.

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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Sorry your not feeling well. You will find the answer and you have a head start as such - your already off the meds - this is huge :) <3 I'm sure the answer will come to you, I really don't think we are here to suffer for life.

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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I did research the Seriphos on this thread. There isn't a conjecture.

 

Thank you

Started AD in 2009 with Zoloft.

In 2010 changed to wellbutrin and luvox in 2011 added ritalin due to fatigue - went as high as poss on luvox
Different NP in late 2012 and she got me off all that and started me on
-Prozac / -Lamictal  -Risperidone  -Amphet Salts -and Xanax as needed
Stopped meds in early 2013 until supervision. Was off 4 drugs in weeks/a month (don't remember exactly) - still off meds except Xanax when needed
Fall 2013 - crying fits - hadn't cried in over 10 years - shaking, awful anxiety and suicidal depression. As of Feb 2015 ot as bad as Fall/Winter 2013, but still depressed/anxious

Only med I take now is .25 Xanax when needed (few times month) - usually half a pill

Supplements Magnesium, Vitamin D Seriphos Cod liver oil

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As someone with OCD as well, I'd like to piggyback here with some thoughts.

 

I agree that OCD spikes when anxiety spikes.  It certainly does with me.  I jacked with my Paxil dosage and practically cold-turkey'd it, and all hell broke loose, just like it did you in Fall, '13.  I think all of that crap is definitely withdrawal.  I beat back my OCD with Paxil for probably 12 years, but the past year after the dosage eff-up has stirred it all up again.  I have reinstated for now, but I'm fairly sure it's not helping much of anything but withdrawal problems.  

 

I would strongly suggest two books that I think have helped me (though I need to work much harder at it)  Brain Lock and Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts.  There is also a guy on youtube whose videos I like a lot:  https://www.youtube.com/user/everybodyhasabrain -- there are probably other good ones, too, if you look around.  What I like about the youtube guy is that he believes that OCD has a root cause, and until you take on that root cause, it is going to continue to be a problem.  He also has a lot of CBT/exposure things that the two books have.  I don't think OCD is necessarily "curable" but it is simply certain people's reaction to high anxiety and stress, and once you can get your brain to quit traveling down those same old OCD roads, it takes the path that it is used to taking.

 

Best of luck, and hope you continue improving.  I would bet that you are still dealing with wd, considering all the drugs you have taken.  I think it's impressive that you're doing as well as you are.  I just had one drug, and it has thrown me for a loop for an entire year. 

 

Hang in there!

Paxil - 20mg, 13 years

Paxil - 10mg, 2 years

Attempt to quit with one-month taper, horrible

reinstated Paxil, 20mg

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you Lefty....

 

I just spoke to integrative psychiatry and they suggested:

 

They suggested Alpha lipoic acid 2 times a day (didn't give me any dose)
oxicell or another antioxidant (no further info given)
st johns wort 3 capsules a day (no brand or dosage)
a product called drainage (6 drops at bed) - I can't find anything on this
seriphos and relora - both twice a day
 
After 3 months of this, she wants me to do a neuroadrenal profile. She wants me to have gaba and histamine tests.

Started AD in 2009 with Zoloft.

In 2010 changed to wellbutrin and luvox in 2011 added ritalin due to fatigue - went as high as poss on luvox
Different NP in late 2012 and she got me off all that and started me on
-Prozac / -Lamictal  -Risperidone  -Amphet Salts -and Xanax as needed
Stopped meds in early 2013 until supervision. Was off 4 drugs in weeks/a month (don't remember exactly) - still off meds except Xanax when needed
Fall 2013 - crying fits - hadn't cried in over 10 years - shaking, awful anxiety and suicidal depression. As of Feb 2015 ot as bad as Fall/Winter 2013, but still depressed/anxious

Only med I take now is .25 Xanax when needed (few times month) - usually half a pill

Supplements Magnesium, Vitamin D Seriphos Cod liver oil

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  • Administrator

Repeating:

 

.... 

You are correct, most supplements and certainly most supplement programs claiming to treat "psychiatric" problems are a waste of money. It's strictly trial and error. (The community's best guesses are in the Symptoms and Self-Care forum) Most of us have a basket of supplements we found we couldn't take or did nothing.

 

It seems you've never tried Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT)? It sounds like that would be the best fit for your symptom pattern.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Anxious Guy,

 

I read your whole thread and our stories are very similar. The OCD, bi polar II, major depressive disorder, GAD diagnosis have made medication management almost worthless. Have you tried acupuncture? I started going 2 months ago and it has changed my life. It is the only thing- period, point blank, that has helped me. I still wonder about going my back on medicine but I don't trust any of my doctors. Does the warmer weather help you at all?

 

BTW- you should be proud of yourself for taking an actual be role in getting better. It's hard work to keep pushing forward, ordering tests, etc. That goes to show how resilient you are. mad props!

Diagnosed bi-pollar II in 2003 at age 15.

Lithium, lexapro and seroquel for the next 8 years, with occasional klonopin.

Quit seroquel cold turkey in 2011.

1st unsuccessful attempt to stop ALL meds cold turkey- 2012

Switched to lithium, citalopram and adderall (only on adderall for a few weeks).

Cold turkey off EVERYTHING Feb 2014.

 

Previous symptoms; crying spells, suicidal depression and hopelessness (3 months). Frequent urination and chocolate, allergy medicine and food sensitivities (3 months). Body pain radiating through my spine, legs, arms and butt followed by muscle stiffness, weakness and tingling/loss of feeling (7 months). Brain zaps, head aches and intense depersonalization. Fight or flight upon waking and difficulty sleeping (2 months). Difficulty regulating body temperature-incredibly cold hands and feet (8 months). Diarrhea and difficulty eating (lost over 30 pounds). Acute and itchy acne? on my forehead, cheeks and chest (7 months). 

 

Current symptoms: anxiety, obsessive compulsions, feeling stuck/unable to act/shocked, pain along my spine, hair loss, easily stressed and overwhelmed, difficulty with social situations, generally moody. 

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I first developed symptoms of OCD in grade school. While it occasionally resurfaces, I have mostly been subclinical as an adult.

Unlike you, most of my symptoms were accompanied by rituals and compulsive behaviors -- you seem  more "O." So I'm not sure how much my experience will help you.

I found drawing with ink to be extremely helpful. I used to repeat or undo actions interrupted by obsessive thoughts. This was especially onerous when writing -- I'd rip out entire notebooks because I'd have a "bad thought" while writing a first sentence.  Forcing myself to draw permanent inked lines and to save and complete pictures regardless of my thoughts was very therapeutic.I always loved to draw so there was an incentive to continue. Eventually, I'd enter a zen-like state and the anxious thoughts would disappear. Now I don't have trouble filling out forms or signing my name.

As for other behaviors, I allowed myself to do them, only in smaller and smaller increments. I used to like to count to 200 before I got out of bed in the morning. Now I count to 20 -- if I count at all. (Most days I don't.) It's as if I "tapered" off of the behaviors in the way that some people might taper off medications. I guess you could see it as self-directed exposure therapy.

It may not work for everyone -- I have always been fairly functional -- but it was easier than trying to stop all behaviors at once and punishing myself for still performing them.

For those especially tricky days, I can't recommend something that puts you "in the zone" enough. Maybe it's meditation -- but it could be sports, drawing, playing an instrument, listening to music, or playing a video game.

 

2007 - 2010 10 mg escitalopram, switched to 20 mg citalopram (sometimes 40 mg, decreased w/o taper)
2011 20 mg citalopram, 150 mg buproprion SR, 10 mg ambien for 3 months

2015

February      20 mg citalopram, 150 mg buproprion SR reduced to 100 mg

March          20 mg citalopram, 75 mg buproprion
April           
20 mg citalopram, 56.25 --> 37.5 mg buproprion
May              
20 mg citalopram, 18.75 mg buproprion

 

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